February 10th, 2014

Tory MP Accused of Rigging Election

With South East Cornwall devastated by the floods, you might think their MP Sheryll Murray would drop everything to help her constituents in their hour of need. In fact, Murray has been hit by a wave of criticism from drenched locals for spending her time tweeting about her cat while their homes were being destroyed:

Sheryll must be feline confident her cat Bosun can win the Purr Minister election, a charity vote to find the prettiest Westminster pussy. The claws are out with an furrocious cat fight kicking off between Murray and hiss-terical Labour rival Lyn Brown the MP for West Ham, who is accusing Murray of using a voting bot after tens of thousands of Australians votes were cast overnight. Cheetah Bosun has already milked 10,000 more votes than last year, with 30,000 overall coming from Australia. Meaning she’s more than a whisker ahead. Good to see Sheryll has her priorities right while her paw constituents are under water…

UPDATE:


76 Comments

  1. 1
    Larry the cat says:

    I’d rather vote for a kipper

    • 6
      lojolondon says:

      Time to cancel the postal voting fraud. Now. By making people go to vote.

      • 23
        Lord Mandelbum of Fondelboys says:

        What a dog. Nice pussy though, and neither of them appear drunk either.

      • 31
        The British Public says:

        You are under the mistaken impression that there are people in Parliament who might believe in democracy, free and fair elections, One Man One Vote, constituencies of equal sizes, etc etc.

        Sorry to have to tell you this, but they aren’t any.

        There are no people in Parliament who could care less about the election system in this country doing anything other than serving their party political advantage and hence their personal careers.

        • 67
          Anonymous says:

          too true, milibands statement that he’ll continue austerity rather than get the puppetmasters to pay their taxes, is the death knell for this system..

    • 64
      Tiddles says:

      I’d rather eat one.

    • 71
      Sandra Williams says:

      Every sane person would rather vote kipper than Tory.

    • 73
      geordieboy says:

      Cats don’t like water poor little pussy.

  2. 2
    Percy Thrower says:

    I fear a pussy riot.

    • 56
      RomaBob.... Beeeeg Issue! says:

      WTF is a vote ‘riging’ ? Dick heed!

      • 76
        Percy Thrower says:

        I fear you’re attacking the wrong person here. Unless you’re so dyslexic that “pussy riot” translates somewhere along your optical nerve as “vote riging”….

  3. 3
    Col. Nut says:

    She’s not up to scratch.

  4. 4
    Glyn H says:

    Yet another ‘who the hell is that?’ MP – and I live in the neighbouring county and take an interest in politics!

  5. 5
  6. 7
    Not Waving but Drowning of Somerset says:

    Looks like the puss is the brains of the outfit there.

  7. 8
    WelshRacer says:

    I see Labour old woman Andrew Gwynne is pushing his cat also on twitter.

  8. 9
    bored with hillsborough says:

    But she’s a female Tory MP. We need lots more like her.

  9. 10
    Tin foil top hat says:

    She doesn’t give a f*ck.

    Why are we paying tax?

  10. 11
    seriously? says:

    Fucking useless cat-harbourer. You can tell a lot about people by the pets that they keep. The main one being that anybody who keeps a pet is a fucking nutter.

    Why not just shit in the fridge and be finished with it.

    Flies come in the house. We kill ‘em. Mice and rats come in? We kill ‘em. A crow comes down the chimney we open the door and let it out or kill the fucking thing.

    Yet these people choose to have a drooling, shitting, moulting, rat-breathed animal up on their kitchen table?

    Fucking lunatics.

  11. 12
    Queens Bench Vii says:

    All them FAT cats skimming and milking it in Parliament … waiter! … waiter! WAIT…ERRRR….! a saucer of milk for the barstewards.

  12. 14
    Manx the Cat says:

    Steady on old boy.

  13. 15

    Calls ‘erself an MP, I call it a Liberty!!!

  14. 16
    Ah! sod cats lets get back to toads says:

    toad

  15. 27
    Matthew Hopkins says:

    I’m thinking of conducting a witch hunt in Cornwall. Is there anyone I should be particularly looking at?

  16. 28
    Fart box says:

    Another way of saying pussy is Hunt.

  17. 30
    The British Public says:

    Trivial people doing trivial things.

    It is time to abolish the House of Commons and replace it with something, and some people, who work for the public.

  18. 36
    Handycock says:

    Wots that Pussy Im feeling much better.

  19. 37
    Dodgy Geezer says:

    The ‘Shaggy excuse” (updated)

    INTRO

    Dave, Open up, man!

    What do you want, Smithy?

    The press just caught me!

    You let them catch you? How?

    I don’t know what to do…

    Say it wasn’t you

    Alright..

    RAP Starts…

    I was on Today and they caught me red-handed
    supporting a ‘Flood Somerset’ policy.
    Evan Davies had a full set of details,
    I think it’s looking bad for me.

    How could I forget that I had
    followed all the EU rules
    Now there’s flood water all over Somerset
    And I look a perfect fool…”

    Why your civil servants leave you unprotected?
    All their duties be sadly neglected
    They meant to hide this disaster from the papers
    I do’n know what they think their game is…
    Where your friendly environmental activist?
    He better say you no blame for this mess.
    Harrabin he got all the answers
    the protesters just a load of stupid farmers…

    But he asked me on the radio (It wasn’t me)
    Showed the latest policy (It wasn’t me)
    Had the Flood Management Plan (It wasn’t me)]
    Even put it on the telly (It wasn’t me)

    ……

    • 40
      @# says:

      David Cameron is the most incredibly reckless and irresponsible politician. He should not be prime minister. He really is a danger and a liability. The reality is that Cameron knows very well that the EA has probably done the best it can hampered by Cameron’s and Osborne’s budget cutting

  20. 39
    The British media are cunts says:

    I thought the EU was here to help us? Not a lot of support from the Brussels mongs is there?

  21. 42
    Auntie Duggan says:

    We aint goin away Whitey,NO JUSTICE NO PIZZA

  22. 43
    Joe Public says:

    The government are just rudderless. Lashing out, blaming a lack of dredging, even though they have been in government for 3 years. Blaming the Environment Agency even though they have been in charge of it for some time. Also it is embarrassing to Cameron that whilst he was heading off into climate change denial land, and had appointed the climate change denier Owen Paterson as Environment Secretary, we get hit by extreme weather, which is likely influenced by climate change.

    This is why what Cameron is doing is so shabby

    • 46
      Ah! I give in says:

      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which is likely influenced by climate change.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Christ how thick the Joe Publics are. And THEY have a vote!

      Read a book, before you die Joe

      • 59
        Anonymous says:

        +1

        The hand wringing, watermelon, left can f**k off with this manipulative climate change nonsense.

        The climate changes, always has changed and always will. This is, of course, easy to prove.

        What remains to be proven is that human activity actually CAUSES climate to change appreciably. Probably what’s behind the brand re-branding from what used to be (ANTHROPOGENIC) Global Warming to ‘Climate Change’.

  23. 44
    Ah! I knew it says:

    Took my guns away, and now there’s looting going on in villages surrounding the Thames.

    Come on Dave, Thatcher would have issued a shoot-to-kill long ago.

  24. 45
    Abolish Foreign Aid says:

    Has Eric Pickles been sacked yet?

    • 47
      Ah! be careful what you wish for says:

      Who do you want as a replacement?

      • 65
        Taxpayer says:

        He has managed to do nothing since he took office, so it is clear his position is redundant. Get rid of him and break up the gang of useless lumps who report to him.

  25. 48
    C.O.Jones says:

    Are we still supporting Saudi funded terrorists in Syria William Hague? You do not have a mandate from the people to do that.

    That shit should have STOPPED after Tony Blair left office. The public have had enough of lies and false flags.

    • 52
      The British media are cunts says:

      More to the point we are getting out of Afghanistan and didn’t bomb Syria so why are Muslim mongs coming back here to plot more terrorist attacks in the UK?

      • 57
        C.O.Jones says:

        What you have in Syria is not a civil war but a religious war with Shias and Sunnis at each others throats. The backbone of opposition are foreign terrorists funded by the Saudi Royals.
        Siding with Syria is Iran and Russia (and funnily enough, the Syrian minorities are mostly on the side of the Syrian government, Alawites, Druze, Christians, Kurds, Armenians etc).
        Due to the many atrocities committed by the terrorists the Syrian govt is getting more support from many of those who were once proponents of change and originally supporters of the FSA in Syria.
        Yesterday a woman was strangled in a public market in a town north of Aleppo – have a look if you dont believe me (better not to, but it is there as an example)

        http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=fe6_1392036337

        There are hundreds of these videos on the internet, beheadings, burning alive, summary executions, torture – it is terrible.

        People must talk out and be heard.

        • 70
          Guardian Reader says:

          It is just awful those things are happening in Syria.

          We should bring all the the various factions to this country, so they can do it here.

          Not where I live, obviously. I don’t think shabby phone shops that are fronts for god knows what would sit well on our charming little high street full of artisinal doily shops, would they.

          Stick them with the hideously white Sun readers. Rub their noses in it.

  26. 50
    Joe Public says:

    Don’t blame Owen Paterson for the floods. He’s been incredibly preoccupied in trying to stop all those treacherous and devious badgers moving the goalposts

  27. 53
    Ned Ludd says:

    she wants one up her pussy right enough, my handsomes.

  28. 54
    RomaBob.... Beeeeg Issue! says:

    Sack the biaaatch !!

  29. 60
    Fatson & Miss Direction says:

    Absolutely disgraceful. She should be forced to resign to spend time with her flea riddled cat!

  30. 61
    A family with their heart torn out of them being subjected to this tripe. says:

    Heartless bytch.

  31. 62
    Sheryll Murray TORY MP laughs & leeches from heartbroken families says:

    She should resign. She is heartless leeching Hunt!

  32. 63
    Sally says:

    This is a complete and utter fix. I wanted to vote for Montague who is fluffy but quite evil looking – Like a James Bond Blofeld pet – but Bosun seemed to have run away with the voting. It can’t have been multiple voting, surely because I could only vote once from my desktop – though I did sneak in a 2nd vote from my iPad as well…..

  33. 68
    reg presley says:

    this is not surprising as all tories live in a parallel universe

  34. 69
    FrankField's Buttplug says:

    I’m very fond of black pussies. At least that’s what I tell my boss Mr Duncan-Smith. He is always asking me why a nice boy like me hasn’t found the right girl yet.

  35. 75
    Montague says:

    I am second currently. I am very fluffy and I am sure you could not resist voting for me. Only Kevin is ahead of me but I may ensure something nasty happens to him…..


Seen Elsewhere

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Hungary’s Heir to Thatcher | Conservative Woman
Farage and Salmond Both Want Outopia | David Aaronovitch
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Let’s Get Evangelical | David Cameron


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Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”



orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?


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