February 7th, 2014

WATCH: Chris Smith: I Will Not Resign


  1. 1
    Capt Apollo says:

    of course he won’t, a Labour politician do the proper thing and fall on his sword? not in this day and age

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Of course the flooding has nothing to do with less cash available due to cuts.

  3. 3
    Lard Everard says:

    Nor do LibDems.

  4. 4
    Steve Miliband says:

    He was really pissed off – no Quinoa in Somerset

  5. 5

    All he needs now is Dave’s “support”and he’s a dead man walking.

  6. 6
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Can Bo Selecta please take that mask off? its the worst one he’s had on by far.

  7. 7
    william says:

    An alumnus of Queen’s College, Cambridge.

  8. 8

    LibDem’s swords have other uses, quite frequently apparently.

  9. 9
    Cwispy pants Bwyant says:

    I think you’ll find that he falls on the pink sword.

  10. 10
    Bullshit Watch says:

    He looks like a bull frog!

    I wish people would chuck some eggs at these gobshites.

  11. 11
    Uncle Joe says:

    9mm Mosin Nagant soon creates a top vacancy.

    These stupid lefties have forgotten all I taught them.

  12. 12
    Eeyore says:

    What WERE his handlers doing, allowing an uncontrolled interview like that? Tea’n’coffee for hacks seated in the village hall, proper chairmanship of a civilised media conference and he might, just, have come out of it looking dignified and in control of the national situation, rather than cornered, out of touch, detached and smug.

    I’d be delighted to see that back of him. I don’t share his politics or another of his orientations and think he’s a waste of space, an old New Labour hack put out to grass in an obscure sinecure. Time for us to get paybackfor his support of the despicable Bliar/Brown cabal, methinks.

  13. 13
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    So other than a Cambridge degree in English, what else qualified Chris Smith for a job with The Environment Agency?

  14. 14
    Ed Moribund says:

    Its been waining for quite some time. Tomowwow is forecast for more weign.
    When will the pwime minister stop this weign?

    Wesign! Weasign!

  15. 15

    The flooding is mainly to do with ecoloons stealthily returning the area to swamp. When an organisation spends as much on food and travel as it does on doing its job of flood protection, someone needs an arse-kicking.

  16. 16
    Grindr says:

    I think he is more a bottom than a top.

  17. 17
    Sir William Waide says:

    ++++Chris Smith futures ‘underwater’ says Bloomberg++++5000 EA desk-jockeys to be repaced by three men with dredger++++outlook ‘further storms’

  18. 18
    Finbarr Saunders says:

    Offfered him a ride..

    Fnar, fnar…

  19. 19
  20. 20
  21. 21

    Life-long adherence to the looting party and his nose firmly up Gordon’s rectum.

  22. 22
    Sally *Swallows* Bercow says:

    no more than you’d expect from a Quango Queen

    now where’s John hidden the Chardonay

  23. 23
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Anal Hamster insertion does not harm any indigenous UK wildlife?

  24. 24
    Clever Trevor says:

    I’d throw one up the tart in the red scarf on the right. Bareback, right up her back door, balls slamming on her flaps.

  25. 25
    Animal lover says:

    He caught the clap poor chap

    Must given jobs to the infected

  26. 26

    How about a black aspirin suppository?

  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Err, how did the cuts stop dredging over the last 20 years?

    Like trying to blame the Tories for Stafford, you are Andy Burnham and I claim my £5

  28. 28
    Tony E says:

    Another worthless member of the ‘stay behind army’ – Labour constituency? Build them defences – Don’t vote Labour? The EA needs to consider a bird sanctuary before your home, awfully sorry.

  29. 29
    Clever Trevor says:

    Which is funny because that was the nickname the Camerons gave to their spaccy dribbler of a son before they gassed him for sympathy votes.

  30. 30
    Chris the Goueen Smith says:

    Find me a tree of hug please

    Prince Charles can accompany me

  31. 31
    eric clapton says:

    Slow hand clap.

  32. 32
    C. Huhne canapie waiter says:

    Crab volauvent anyone?

  33. 33
    Anne Old-Joke says:

    If he falls in the water, will he want four skin divers to rescue him?

  34. 34
    Anonymous says:

    So along with the Economy, Banking, the NHS, Immigration, Education, Housing and Transport let’s add “the Environment” to the list of things Labour couldn’t be trusted to run properly

  35. 35

    The disease ridden pervert probably thinks that dredging is something to do with rent boys lower intestines!!

  36. 36
    Whankey Baboon says:

    Of course he shouldn’t resign.
    Like a good little boy, He’s been following our orders detailed in Agenda 21.

  37. 37
    Mandelson's plastic asshole says:

    Two hamsters walk past a gay bar. One says “Hey! Let’s go in and get shit-faced.”

  38. 38
    Squeaker's Dad says:

    He’s finishing the night shift in my cab

  39. 39
    Anjem Choudary says:

    Send in a suicide bummer.

  40. 40
    Steve Miliband says:

    Common Purpose.

  41. 41
    The Ecoloon Agency says:

    Correct is was nothing to with less cash.

    It was a deliberate act of destruction to stop dredging the drainage channels on the levels, with the intention of creating marshland.

    A combination of EU diktats and unaccountability within the EA to both the public and parliament.

  42. 42
    Cinna says:

    Note enough rope in the country.

  43. 43
    Dave, chillaxing says:

    Give him a life peerage


    Wait a minute, so idiot has already given him one of those

  44. 44
    P l e b says:

    What qualifies Nobsore to be Chancellor?

  45. 45
    The Ecoloon Agency says:

    EU policy: deliberately flooding the Somerset Levels


  46. 46
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Strike a light :)

  47. 47
    Ed Balls says:

    I can think of at least eleventeen reasons why he shouldn’t.

  48. 48
    Man from the street says:

    What a nice person you are.

  49. 49
    John Renta Tool says:

    I deserve a life peerage more than this penguin

    I need it before Chilcot is published

  50. 50
    Casual Observer 6 says:

    He should resign – or be pushed out, by the end of the month.

    There should be an investigation to look into possible collusion between those running the environment agency and the insurance industry, as the only folk to benefit from the flooding are those who will be determining flood risk and premiums for such coverage.

  51. 51
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Shouldnt you be licking first class stamps in Wythenshawe?

  52. 52
    Julia Middleton says:

    Sterling work. Acting beyond authority.

    Also acting beyond his competence level, but as long as the other-people’s-money and additional comfy sinecures keep rolling in, who gives a shit.

  53. 53

    This is getting beyond a joke!

    This country needs proper flood defences putting in place asap, we have a surplus of man power (2.3 million unemployed) and £11Bn we give away in foreign aid to countries who don’t need it. When will some troughing twat in the House of Cυnts wake the fuck up and so something?

  54. 54
    Smith and Guido are from the same plastic floater says:

    A ring of journalist surrounding and protecting a thing of blubber from London. If they vanished we will put him to rights.

    We have not forgotten Judge Jeffreys.

  55. 55
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    Next libDum minister for Gaia should enjoy wading in shit (so that’s most of them then).

  56. 56
    Sir William Waide says:

    Westminster once consisted of a couple of small islands surrounded by the Thames and by marshland that flooded every winter. Shouldn’t we allow it to revert to its natural state?

  57. 57
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    Literally paying the EU to destroy Britain!

  58. 58
    Casual Observer 6 says:

    Chris Smith is the gay eco-loon version of Chris Patten.

  59. 59
    P l e b says:

    Madinah – A school set up by people with little experience of schooling, in a building which was not designed as a school, with teachers who were not qualified to teach – what could possibly go wrong??

    Well, millions of tax payers money down the drain to support Michael Gove’s pet ideological project is what’s gone wrong

  60. 60

    A bit of bumsex on the side?

  61. 61
    A long-time commenter who has all but given up because of the moderation here says:

    Interesting priorities the modbot has. Deny posts from regulars who have supported this blog for years, while permitting the foam-flecked ravings of sociopaths like our Trevor.

    PS Trevor — seek help.

  62. 62
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    His knowledge of which “happily married” MPs he went cottaging with.

  63. 63
    RomaBob... says:

    That is what passes for humour for socialists.

  64. 64
    Smiffy says:

    Get well soon, Owen!

  65. 65
    A right dirty bastard says:

    Well spotted and a good shout.

  66. 66
    Casual Observer 6 says:

    No – they just need to resume the basic waterway management practices which were developed over the past few hundred years, and comprehensively abandoned since Lisbon was signed.

  67. 67
  68. 68
    Anonymous says:

    Quuens’ College, if you please.

  69. 69
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    EA to be placed under department of religious affairs(gaia)?

  70. 70
    JAck says:

    And why is this bloated Agency not part of the Ministry?

    To find a suitable fuse to blow when shit hits fan?

    WTF is the Minister doing?

  71. 71
    Persona non grata says:

    It goes like that: (my own quickie rough translation from German)


    This is Helga. I wanted to tell you in confidence that the Americans are going around saying that we are too weak and that their stance is stronger on sanctions. I spoke with Cathy and we are on the same line which we have to prepare in a very intelligent way, as we have already discussed it, but you need to know that we are very angry at the Americans for accusing the EU of being too soft, they have said so to reporters. Maybe you could tell the US Ambassador that we are not soft at all and that we have recently come up with a strong statement about Bulatov (inaudible). It makes me angry that the media here says that the US is on the side of freedom.

    But Helga you need to realize that we are not in a competition to see how will make the strongest statement…we have other instruments… it is good that…

    But you have to see that I don’t want Cathy to be hurt or stuck into a corner as this would take on a different political meaning. Cathy will raise this issue with Kerry and I want you to know that while we are not in a competition it is very unfair on their part to spread such things

    Let me tell you that I have learned just a few minutes ago that the opposition will make a new offer to the President and I will immediately write that to Cathy and to you.

    Okay thanks!

    Thanks bye!

  72. 72
    The Public says:

    If he falls in the water, the surrounding hills will face a tidal wave.

  73. 73
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    I thought you were on about the state “system” there.
    >people with little experience of schooling
    Teacher training colleges
    >building which was not designed as a school,
    70s architects can’t bury their mistakes
    >teachers who were not qualified to teach
    Those that can, do etc.

  74. 74
    altruism in industry says:

    compare Cameron’s speech about the wonderful, brave, creative people who inhabit the Kingdom with the fuckwit Smith.

  75. 75
    The NUTs says:

    You are so right.
    Education in this country is brilliant.
    We should leave it exactly as it is and pay teachers much more and give them longer holidays as a thank you.

  76. 76
    William Hague says:

    The flooding in Somerset is a direct result of President Assad’s chemical and biological weapons program.

  77. 77
    RomaBob... says:

    Infrastructure spending not foreign aid.

  78. 78
    Norman Tebbit says:

    The 2.3 million should get on their bikes and cycle to Cornwall.

  79. 79
    Anonymous says:

    The usual clap trap about “I am very proud of what the agency has achieved” Perhaps the time has come for some in depth investigations into the qualifications of other Agency Chairmen/Person – sorry must be Liebour PC

  80. 80
    Lard Chris Patten says:

    No he is not

    I Chair 15 Quangos all at once…

  81. 81
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    The economy doesn’t need to/cannot/should not be run.

    That’s the problem with the political classes.

  82. 82
    CoE says:

    Its a mussie school. maybe that is the reason.

  83. 83
    Persona non grata says:

    Are Russia and China combining to fight off a threatening USA and EU. This would suggest so.


  84. 84
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    800,000 year old footprints found on a beach in Norfolk. Must be early immigrants.

  85. 85

    Quean’s College?

  86. 86
    M­a­­q­­­­bo­­ul says:

    Might have a little to do with the fact that rainfall in January was 250% higher than the average; clearly Margaret Thatcher’s fault.

  87. 87
    Anonymous says:

    Owen Patterson had surgery on a detached retina yesterday, so I’d guess he is recovering

  88. 88
    Russell Hobbs says:

    Well that free school was a rip roaring success, wonder how much money went down the drain on that failure?

  89. 89
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    The BBC are going really easy on Lord Smith. I wonder if it’s because he is labour?

  90. 90
    ♏αґḱ Oαтℯη says:

    I’m hearing rumours that the sewer system is totally busted in and around the Somerset Levels, the whole place stinks to high heaven and is covered in excrement and urine.
    Can anyone else confirm this as I’d hate to waste the taxi fare down there?

  91. 91
    Chris Smith says:

    This is odd

    For years all I had to say was “we must let nature do as it likes because of global warming.’ Or ‘we can’t use any machinery or the planet will melt’ and ordinary people rushed up and hugged me and said I was very wise and green.

    Now their homes are underwater , which proves I was right all along, they want me to use technology and fossil fuels to help them.

    What silly people.

  92. 92
    An insurance man says:

    They won’t even be able to get insurance in the future.

  93. 93
    F**ck the neocon Americans says:

    The US is on the side of throwing shit at Putin and the Chinese, killing Palestinians, illegal wars, torture, rendition, criminal banks, the NSA and interfering where ever they can to create hell on earth

    Sad but true since Clinton/Bush Junior and Obama

  94. 94
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    59. Do you know why your name is Pleb?

  95. 95
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Another infrastructure problem for not work fail?


    Hope that embankment is strong.

  96. 96
    Steve Miliband says:

    At least he remembered which Quango he was representing today, a few to choose from

  97. 97
    M says:

    Is this a good time to bring up the overseas aid budget ?

  98. 98
    DNA says:

    Feel the enrichment

  99. 99
    BBC Red Bottom says:

    We don’t want to hint that finding solutions to something like flooding through ingenuity and technology is a better idea than trying to stop rain falling.

  100. 100
    Proftastic says:

    Errr no you can’t think, or count, the disaster of the last labour government is concrete proof.

  101. 101
    M­a­­q­­­­bo­­ul says:

    In general the State can’t be trusted to run anything properly. EA is a classic case in point.

    Chris Smith didn’t know where fucking Somerset was until this morning.

  102. 102
    The public says:

    Are all non-free state schools rip roaring successes?
    Not the ones in your head. But the real ones?

  103. 103
    M­a­­q­­­­bo­­ul says:

    Go suck Putin’s knob.

  104. 104
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Poor old Alex Salmond doesn’t like Cameron playing him at his own games.
    Salmond – It’s not fair, bleat, bleat, bleat.
    Nicola Sturgeon – It’s not fair, bleat, bleat, bleat.

  105. 105

    What else would you expect from Labour’s mouthpiece?

  106. 106
    M­a­­q­­­­bo­­ul says:


    Both China and EU threaten Putin’s dwindling empire.

  107. 107
    Persona non grata says:

    F*ck off back to the Indy.

  108. 108
    Lord Smith says:

    I’ll bring you some back in a jar.

  109. 109
    Casual Observer 6 says:

    So should the UK be.

    Or are you cool with UK jobs and society being lost to further migration from failed Eastern European states ?

  110. 110
    M­a­­q­­­­bo­­ul says:

    The remoter places, now fully submerged, tend to use septic tanks. These are overflowing into the flood water.

  111. 111
    Persona non grata says:

    Troll alert, troll alert.

  112. 112
    BBC MSM LibLabCon Common Purpose EU says:

    That’s right we are all Africans.

  113. 113
    M­a­­q­­­­bo­­ul says:

    They are about to fail to deliver independence and are desperately thrashing about for a scapegoat.

  114. 114
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    What was labour’s policy on the Somerset Levels from 1998 to 2010. What plans had labour put in place given their belief in man made global warming.

  115. 115
    Nemesis says:

    Lord ‘Toad of Toad Hall’ Smith is is a fucking disgrace. He shouldn’t need to resign he should be sacked immediately. His outfit took more notice of the tree huggers and the Green Party and didn’t dredge the rivers because of the voles and other wildlife. So where are the voles etc now? All will be dead under the fucking flood waters. He is the most stupid fool ever in charge of the EA and costs £97,000 for three days work.

  116. 116
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    It will be a bumper harvest next year!

  117. 117
    ♏αґḱ Oαтℯη says:

    Jolly good!

    Right I’ll quickly pack my snorkel and swimming trunks and grab the next taxi out.

  118. 118
    M­a­­q­­­­bo­­ul says:

    It’s Phlegm but he can’t spell it.

  119. 119
    M­a­­q­­­­bo­­ul says:

    Make me, punk.

  120. 120
    ♏αґḱ Oαтℯη says:

    Keep talking big boy… fap fap fap fap fap fap fap…

  121. 121
    Nemesis says:

    Lord fucking Smith should be made to clear out every septic tank once the flood water recede. In fact it would be better for all if he drowned in fucking place.

  122. 122
    M­a­­q­­­­bo­­ul says:

    Tart alert, tart alert.

    Little tell-tale that you are.

  123. 123
    Persona non grata says:

    Jobs for the boy’s, or many job’s for one boy.

  124. 124
    Somerset on Sea says:

    I have great sympathy for the people of Somerset right now BUT – the good people of Somerset elected not one but three EU-loving Lib Dems who fully endorse the EU shite now being visited upon upon them. What’s worse is that the poor saps may never know because the mainstream media are keeping schtum about all this.

  125. 125
    ♏αґḱ Oαтℯη says:

    You can cum with me down to the Somerset Levels if you like :)

  126. 126
    The Critic says:

    THE EA answers to DEFRA ultimately. Ministers would quite like you not to know that.

    The EA got governement funding of over 700 million and a further 500 million in charges. I think I could show them how to get by on 1200 milliona year.

    Chris Smith was very proud that he managed to get ‘free’ admission to Museums in 2000. What he did not tell us was that government funding to Museums had to be increased to cover the shortfall in income.

    Could not manage a whelk stall,no idea about financing anything.

  127. 127
    Casual Observer 6 says:

    Ch!na is the largest creditor to the US – they have them where they need them.

    Ch!na is not aligned with Russ!a : The Sino-Soviet pact died back in the 70s.

    Ch!na does regard the EU as being hostile to trade, particularly since G’ermany got trade tariffs imposed on certain Ch!nese goods, tariffs imposed across the EU.

  128. 128
    ♏αґḱ Oαтℯη says:

    Keep talking.

  129. 129
    M­a­­q­­­­bo­­ul says:

    You know that egyptian farmers have relied for millenia on the annual Nile flooding to fertilise the land. Not sure why these yokels are moaning about a couple of feet of silty water on the fields. Grazing should be superb this summer.

  130. 130
    ♏αґḱ Oαтℯη says:

    I like jobbies and boys.

  131. 131
    Fuck the EU says:


  132. 132
    The Critic says:

    Quite agree. Medieval farmers figured it out. Still why worry about the inconvenience to a few Englanders-nothing to worry about in the grand scheme of things

  133. 133
    non taxable pikey says:

    Ahead of Lord Smith’s visit, Conservative Mr Liddell-Grainger, who represents Bridgwater and West Somerset, said: “I will tell him what I bloody well think of him – he should go, he should walk.

    “I’m livid. This little git has never even been on the telephone to me. When I find out where he is, I will give it to him.

    “He has not told the local MPs, the local council or the local press where he is going to be. He’s a coward.”

    That just about sums him up.

  134. 134
    Kevin Bollox says:

    Fucking idiot, he clearly has no idea what he is talking about. He should just fuck off and get back to sucking off his black boyfriend in London.

  135. 135
    Mcbasher says:

    Yel no resign then?
    Ach wel, we’ll just hae e kich the fuch oot a ye instead then.

  136. 136
    Cinna says:


  137. 137
    All socialists are hypocrites says:

    Had he been a Tory the BBC would be keeping up a 24/7 clamour for him to resign or be sacked but as he’s an ex Labour Cabinet Minister he is totally safe and after the brouha about Sally Morgan Cameron can’t sack him either so it’s business as usual until 13 July 2014 and a happy retirement….you suckers !!!

    Incidentally Labour turned down a proposal because of concerns about the rail route via a vulnerable coastline at Dawlish to re-route the Exeter Plymouth line in land in 2006…the very thing that is now having to be considered.

  138. 138
    Wildlife before homes ok ..now stop complaining says:

    The wild life lobby put pressure on the EA to curtail the dredging NOT cuts as they wanted creation of marshland for over wintering birds.

  139. 139
    I want to know says:

    How much will Chris Smith trouser if he
    manages to hang on at the EA for four months?

  140. 140
    Twampersand says:

    He knows where Uranus is.

  141. 141
    average joanna says:

    Ian Liddell Grainger perfectly described the
    hard-working E.A staff on the ground being
    managed by thick useless donkeys at London
    Chris Smith has repeatedly broken promises
    to families in the West Country,failed to spend
    cash on dredging and infrastructure and has no
    knowledge or expertise of the environment.
    His position is untenable.

  142. 142
    Anonymous says:

    You sick bastard

  143. 143
    Anonymous says:

    Well here is a chap who should resign

  144. 144
    Chris Smith says:

    I am the quango queen, old but sweet, like them seventeen
    Quango queen, feel the balls of a libertine (oh yeah!)
    I can duck, I can dive, having the time of my life (ooh, ooh, ooo)
    See me “girl”, watch that scene, (no diggin’) the quango queen

  145. 145
    Post hoc says:

    ***FLASH NEWS*** – sudden shortage of piano wire in Somerset!! Lavatories jammed everywhere.

  146. 146
    Twampersand says:

    2 and a half times doesn’t sound as impressive, does it? Any decent system should have more than just over double normal capacity. A lot more.

    The main predictable quality of weather is that it is unpredictable. Therefore one must learn to expect the unexpected and plan accordingly.

    Thatcher is at fault, most certainly. And Heath, Major, Blair, Brown and Cameron. All of them have allowed the EU to rob us blind, have depleted our infrastructure, have invested in vanity projects, have been politically spiteful for their self satisfaction, have pissed money on war and foreigners that should have ben left in the pockets of the British at best, at worst at least spent on the people it was forcibly extracted from, all of them are traitors, signing awat British sovereignty so that EU regs are now literally drowning the UK in a tidal wave of regulation. They are liars, arseholes and perverts.

    Every last one, that horrid bitch Thatcher included.

  147. 147
    Huhne’s retarded love child Davey says says:

    We have to make every single “Weather Event” into a drama otherwise no one will believe in Global Warming, Climate Change, Climate Chaos and will riot when they realise just how much we are taxing them.
    Don’t dredge, Don’t ease traffic congestion, indeed add a few bus lanes with one bus every 15 mins. Add expensive intermittent Wind generation and blame cost increases on the Suppliers.

  148. 148
    Post hoc says:

    Defenestration is too good for him! Maybe he could be exiled…. to Somerset?

  149. 149
    Bemused says:

    Ah CO, how dangerous to rely so much on reading the newspapers.

    How did China buy up all those US bonds? Buy printing cash. Lots of cash. Which America used to buy up $5trillion of Chinese real-estate.

    So the Chinese are holding paper and the US is holding – well, China.

    So who has got who by the balls really?

    And this is before you take into account the $4trillion dollars in private debt that the Chinese people have run up with their own banks.

    As usual the commies have been out-smarted by Goldm@n S@chs and crew.

  150. 150
    Di Rear says:

    I saw last night on the television, the sad sight of the young farming couple in Somerset, who were having to sell their young calves, as their farm became more and more likely to be overcome by flooding. I found it absolutely heartbreaking that everything they had worked so hard for was being destroyed. Why? because those wankers of all political persuassions, who sit with their fingers up their arses, sucking on the public teat, doing the square root of fuck all, don’t care even enough to speak to those affected, because they think it’s beneath them. What absolute scum.

  151. 151
    FFS says:

    Unfortunately the land has been underwater for >21 days so the grasss is all dying off. That means re-seeding from scratch. The grass won’t have time to recover before the animals need to graze on it.

  152. 152
    The BBC says:

    It’s because Chris Smith was simply implementing EU policy.

  153. 153
    geordieboy says:

    Poof there goes another one.

  154. 154
    Your Prime Minister says:

    It might be mistaken for electioneering should I visit Somerset. I am in no way running away like the scared chicken shxt that I am not.

  155. 155
    Ed Miliband says:

    We need equality quotas at the EA to ensure that women are properly represented when we flood their houses.

  156. 156
    Nick Clegg says:

    We need a mansion tax to pay for the flood damage.

  157. 157
    Bemused says:

    Chris Smith reminds of of Pope Alexander VI whose body was so infested with disease when he died that his corpse turned black and filled up with gas like a balloon.

  158. 158
    Twampersand says:

    Nile flood water contains huge amounts of natural phosphates and other nutrients. Flooding already fertile land washes those nutrients away, especially when flash flooding occurs.

    The place will be a barren wasteland come Summer.

  159. 159
    The DVLA says:

    After independence our services to the people of Scotland will be made up as follows:-

    10% of total cost, based on a “per capita” basis
    10% additional as an “oil revenue claw-back” tax
    10% additional as a “we can do what we like – just see how expensive it will be to do it all yourself” tax.

  160. 160
    Llareggub says:

    Ed Miliband’s sword is stuck in his brother’s back.

  161. 161
    geordieboy says:

    Chris Smith was late due to a detached rectum.

  162. 162
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    And Milliband still isnt sure where Doncaster is, the muppet.

  163. 163
    Llareggub says:

    We used to get some great exhibitions at the National Museum of Wales, while they still charged for entry. Now, they rarely do much except shuffle their art collection around. Stimulating exhibitions cost money, and if the museum won’t earn a penny, regardless of how good it is, why bother?

  164. 164
    geordieboy says:

    800 thousand footprints but not years old.

  165. 165
    Llareggub says:

    Okay. Should we prepare for hurricanes, earthquakes and meteorites, expecting the unexpected, and all that?

    Oh, by the way, you forgot to explain who’s going to pay for all these defences that are likely never to be used. I certainly don’t want to be handing over everything I earn to ensure people hundreds of miles away aren’t inconvenienced once a century.

  166. 166
    Llareggub says:

    There’s loads of quinoa in Somerset. It’s just all underwater.

  167. 167
    Llareggub says:

    I bet you have one amazing sex life. In the face of such charm, who wouldn’t be putty in your hands?

  168. 168
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    Too bloody right.

  169. 169
    Llareggub says:

    It was his handler who rescued him!

  170. 170
    Anonymous says:

    He looks like a gargoyle.

  171. 171
    Llareggub says:

    The moral police will be dragging you off for re-education tomorrow morning at dawn.

  172. 172
    Ed Balls says:

    Can I jus’ say this: my gov’men’ — I mean, Ed Miliband’s gov’men’ — will immeja’ly legisla’ ta rejuice the rainfall by twen’y percen’.

  173. 173
    Llareggub says:

    Well, it’s one way to get the flood waters out of Somerset …

  174. 174
    Jimmy says:

    Is this about gays causing bad weather again?

  175. 175
    Llareggub says:

    Much applause. Best giggle of the day.

  176. 176
    Twampersand says:

    You already are handing over vast sums to people hundreds of miles away for all sorts of insane projects that will benefit no one except the crooks involved in them – 50 million quid A DAY, EVERY DAY, FOR DECADES, in the form of the UK contribution to the EU.

    We could use that. Or the 11 billion A YEAR, EVERY YEAR, FOR DECADES, we piss away in places like India and Pakistain so they can have nuclear weapons and space ships.

    People like you, selfish, shortsighted, me, me, me; that’s why people like Smith exist.

  177. 177

    I live on a mountain. Never been affected by flooding in my life.

    If you will buy a house on a flood plain …

  178. 178

    Get in their boats and paddle, more like.

  179. 179
    Perse O'Nalley says:

    Chris Smith….an absolute canute.

  180. 180
    Llareggub says:

    Because you can guarantee that the Palace of Westminster sits on one of the islands, and it wouldn’t make a blind bit of difference.

  181. 181
    JACK DROMEY says:

    No thats my job.

  182. 182
    JACK DROMEY says:

    This is what you get when you put a COMMON PURPOSE homo in charge!

  183. 183
    Llareggub says:

    At my comprehensive, the number of children receiving 5 GCSE’s, including maths and English, at grade C or more, rose from 40 percent to 60 in a single year, the year it became an academy. Then it went up again the following year.

    40 percent! To have 3 out of every 5 children fail to achieve an average score in 5 exams is pathetic! Inexcusable!

  184. 184
    'Chillaxed' Dave says:

    I shall offer the wet people of Somerset Levels new lives in hilly Scotland, where they can vote ‘no’ in the Referendum. Two problems solved!

  185. 185
    Potemkin Village says:

    You’re out of date Maqboul, or just puffing cheap pr for the US as land of the free. US crony capitalism is rapidly shading into fascism; the USSR and China understand this well, and that the US will do anything to stave off oil- and resource driven collapse; check your sources and you’ll find US military references to this going back to the late 50’s. Russia and China will be targetted first, of course, but the yanks will stuff the EU without compunction when the time comes. It makes absolute sense for the USSR and the PRC to form a mutual defence pact, and Saker is – as so often – right on the money.

  186. 186
    Blowing Donkey Whistles says:

    He’s more used to bloody arseholes rather than bloody assizes.

  187. 187
    John Bellingham says:

    He is chairthing of The Ramblers Association and has long been attracted to the mysteries of nature on Hampstead Heath and his favourite book is Baden-Powell’s “Scouting for Boys”. However it is a mystery as to why he has neglected the maintenance of Dykes.

  188. 188
    Genghiz the kahn says:


  189. 189
    Jack Ketch says:

    Wasn’t clap. It was African flu. (Wonder if Sally knows the statistics?)

  190. 190
    Jack Ketch says:

    I would suggest that the BBC News and Current Affairs folks are going easy on Smith for the same reason they go easy on Laws, Bryant, Simon Hughes, Nigel Evans and the rest of the Botty Brigade. The BBC is totally balanced when it comes to sodomy–they all support it.
    NB It was “Lord” Chris Smith who set up the “Dorothy List” that channeled funds to “LGBT” (deviate) candidates in the 2010 election.

  191. 191
    JH39480932452 says:

    Not this time Jimmy – it’s about the usual common-or-garden lefty establishment drones burning through spectacular amounts of other people’s money to no positive effect whatsoever.

  192. 192
    Jack Ketch says:

    Good point. The Nile hasn’t flooded since 1970 when the High Aswan dam came into full operation. The result is that farmers must now use costly imported fertiliser and fishlife in the river and the Delta has been destroyed by the high level of nitrates from the run-off and the consequent algae bloom. Cairo does get electricity though.

  193. 193
    I dislike socialists intensely says:

    When you compare him to Andrew Mitchell who resigned out of decency even
    though he was set up ,and This useless incompetent tosser who is clinging on
    to his vastly overpaid position. Typical Labour scum.

  194. 194
    frank says:

    Nigel Farage, get yer wellies on!

  195. 195
    Llareggub says:

    Twampersand: That the government is a genius for pissing my children’s inheritance against the wall is no reason for me to allow them to piss twice as much of it against the wall.

    I have no doubt the government is capable of squandering every penny I’ve got. And then where would my family’s food come from?

  196. 196
    Llareggub says:

    I think most corpses do that, with time and warmth. I doubt it was anything to do with Alexander VI in particular.

  197. 197
    Honest John says:

    In short he is a typical useless socialist piece of shit.

  198. 198
    Little Briton says:

    Chris The Only Gay in the Flooded Village.

  199. 199
    thostids says:

    He hasn’t gobbled that, too?

  200. 200
    Roger Dewhurst says:

    Dimwit Dave should sack him, publicly, on TV and remove him from all the other troughs in which he has his ugly snout.

  201. 201
    Anonymous says:

    don’t forget all the housing that has had to be built in the yeo and brue valleys dictated by London

  202. 202
    Anonymous says:

    he would of gone out the back door , but it was flooded out back

  203. 203
    Anonymous says:

    Chris Smith a useless MP, who became a unelected useless Lord and now is cannot manage the useless Environment Agency. A useless quango set up by the useless Labour party. Spot the common denominator Labour are useless.

  204. 204
    Anonymous says:

    Chris Smith a useless Labour MP, who became a unelected useless Labour Lord and now is cannot manage the useless Environment Agency. A useless quango set up by the useless Labour party. Spot the common denominator Labour are useless.

  205. 205
    Mandypoo says:

    No. 24 – Ooh, you are awful – but I like you!

  206. 206
    Mrs Havisham says:

    But it won’t be just once a century I think. There have been many floods over the past 20 years, these are the worst but it appears to be a trend.

  207. 207
    The Dark Knight (And Getting Darker) says:

    What about the MPs & Lords Pension Funds this must be in the Millions if not the Billions by now, can this not be used to pay for flood defences, they have sat on their hands taking their large Salaries doing nothing, they say our Pensioners can survive on the meager pensions given to them, see if this lot can survive on this as well, the massive pension would appear to be all the MPs sign up for these days it is certainly not for the good of their Electorate anymore.

    Perhaps David Cameron will stop spinning for a moment and implement this suggestion

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