February 7th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Over a Barrel Edition)


  1. 1
    Ian says:

    So you’re sure you wont let Alex Salmond out of this until he’s matured for 20 years?

  2. 2
    Steve Miliband says:

    Lefty twat

    • 11
      Smith odd man in EA says:

      Smith idea of going into the countryside is to observe cows drinking water. His experience tells him when which cows are most like to urinate. You guessed it. He goes and sit behind them.

    • 24
      Brand New Wellies says:

      Smith brought with him a pair of never used wellies with him for todays visit to Somerset. He put them in the car, five minutes latter he still had them on in doors being evasive as ever. P.S. He referred to his wellies as rubbers. Insinuates anything?

    • 32
      Meerkat Miliband says:

      Over heard today “If Smith had been a tory I would be all out calling for his resignation”. “We look after our own”.

    • 67
      Clean Up says:

      Smith has offered to help with the clean up bring with him his bar of soap.

  3. 3
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Look I can organise a piss up in a brewery.

  4. 4
    Newsfox says:

    Cameron: “Yes of course I’m letting you out soon Nigel.”

  5. 5
    SleeplessInKirkaldy says:

    Time for beer and sandwiches at No. 10 again?

  6. 6
    Naughty Nev says:

    ‘Your traditional Scottish butt-plug is ready, sir. Och aye the noo!’

  7. 7
    Elocution Lesson says:

    The rain in Spain falls mainly on Cornwall.

    • 18
      Flooded M4 EA acts says:

      If it all fell on the M4 passing though Somerset and failed to drain away, The Environmental Agency would have The Police, Fire brigade and their own staff out asap.

    • 41
      EA calls RSCPA and RSPB in says:

      To Smith “what have you done”?
      Smith to farmer “We have called the RSBA who organize trips for Bird watchers, even now, today”. “We have also called the RSCPA to help over the prevention of drowning of foxes in the flooded areas”.

  8. 8
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    And in the next episode, I will show you how to smoke Salmond.

  9. 9

    You nod your head and I’ll hit it.

  10. 10

    …and which night is my turn inside?

  11. 12
    Oz Clark says:

    Preposterous little number, reminiscent of hot air, mixed with studio makeup and cheese. Makes one clag at the back of the throat. Can be used as an effective emetic.

    Oh sorry you meant review the plonk.. my fault, OK here goes.

    Tastes like shite.

  12. 13
    Dimmy Dave is the worst prime minister ever ! says:

    “So, you want to put me in this barrel and throw it in the Thames, and you say I’ll be arriving in the jolly old Somerset Levels by tea-time? Well, that is spiffing! Jolly eco friendly way to travel, I say! But, are you sure it’s necessary to hit me on the head with this hammer first?”

  13. 14
    firkin says:

    Does Yvette know morse?

  14. 15
    The Sun Headline says:

    Cameron rushed to hospital after hitting himself in eye with a hammer.

  15. 16
    David Cameltoe, Prime Sinister, says:

    “No, no– when I said I wanted ‘cash on the barrelhead,’ I didn’t mean you literally had to bring barrels, FFS!”

  16. 17
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Cameron was merciful, he hit Gordon Brown with the soft end of the mallet.

  17. 19

    Our Etonian PM has never really got to grips with DIY

  18. 20
    Diageo says:

    Thank you Guido

    Case on the way

  19. 21
    Peter Grimes says:

    Dave: ‘Over a barrel?’ Make that in the barrel and I’m your man!

  20. 23
    The public says:

    When I said ‘put Vince Cable in the Brig .. I meant something else..But actually this will do just fine.”

  21. 25
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Another keg of Hollande’s XB bitter.

  22. 27
    David soutter says:

    So you could make one of these for all the members of the cabinet to hide in ?

  23. 28
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    Seal in the gunpowder … like so…and its ready to be delivered to the cellars of Holyrood.

  24. 30
    Ah! that's says:

    Hammer the Toff

  25. 31
    non taxable pikey says:

    So, let me see if I have this right. I climb inside, you seal it up and then over Niagara Falls I go?

  26. 33
    Ed Millitwit says:

    I didn’t know that Dave was a leftie.


  27. 34
    non taxable pikey says:

    If it was good enough for Diogenes, it should solve the immigrant housing problem. Can you make me 75 million by next week?

  28. 35
    An Englishman says:

    You’re independent now, so find your own bung.

  29. 37
    Sesachili says:

    This is the hardest bung I’ve ever made…

  30. 38
    Mid Staffs Ghost says:

    “It’s wooden and it rolls over easily if you give it a shove. Just like Ed Miliband!”

  31. 40
    Legal Landlord says:

    When I nod my head , hit it !

  32. 42
    Anonymous says:

    Dave: “What a shame Pete Seeger’s not here.”

    • 88
      Pete Seeger says:

      You should be thankful right now I haven’t a hammer. Nor a sickle, for that matter (that was years ago, y’unnerstand)…though in Dave’s case, they’d come in handy.

  33. 44
    BBC Heart Labour says:

    Is that you inside the barrel at the bottom making that strange noise, Ed Miliband?

  34. 47
    Cast Iron Dave says:

    So where do I scrape it for my next cast iron policy?

  35. 48
    Cast Iron Dave says:

    So where do I scrãpe it for my next cast íron polícy?

  36. 49
    M­a­­q­­­­bo­­ul says:

    I say, it’s firkin full this barrel.

    • 89
      The Famous Grouse says:

      Trust me, the “angels” will have their share, you can bet on that. Never heard of a politician who wasn’t getting a percentage somewhere along the way.

  37. 50
    Ah! SwagBucks says:

    Contests only push up the stats a little.

    Competitions really do the trick.

    Any bottle is better than none.

  38. 51
    a non says:

    Speaking about barrels of laughs……….

    McShame can sure tell em…..


  39. 52
    Mark says:

    “The Deil’s awa wi’ th’ Exciseman”

  40. 53
    Ah! Dave says:

    ” Are you certain I wouldn’t look better in a high viz jacket and a yellow helmet?”

  41. 55
    Bill Quango MP-4 says:

    … you know when you’ve scraped the very bottom of this when you decide to appoint Caroline Flint to your cabinet.

  42. 56
    Bill Quango MP-4 says:

    So one night Barnes Wallis got completely twatted and came up with this idea?

  43. 57
    geordieboy says:

    We all like a bung so I will just bang this one in this one for Patrick Mercer.

  44. 59
    Steve Miliband says:

    There was a Cooper in the fifth form

  45. 60
    Mornington Crescent says:

    “I’ve met very interesting people. I’ve met a lot of people who know the difference between right and wrong, between truth and mendacity and are really prepared to admit to mistakes they’ve made in the past.”

    Quote of the Year from MacShame

  46. 61
    The BBC says:

    To make our reporters more at home we will refer to the Somerset Levels as Lake Mandela.

  47. 62
    Dave says:

    Dave says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    February 7, 2014 at 2:21 pm
    ” Just answer me one thing before I bring the hammer down. Is Chris Smith qu33r?

  48. 64
    Cap'n Haddock says:

    Ahaaaaaaagh Jim Lad!

    Clap Cameron in irons and throw him in his own personal brig!

  49. 65
    Lord Smith of Much Wanking on the Heath says:

    Fuck me ! How did all this water get here?

  50. 66
    cooper says:

    “Fuckin big hammer, fuckin big cork, and he’s going to miss”

  51. 68
    Haggis and 20yr old whisky mmmm, Camoron ugh! says:

    Brand Comoron hits the bottom of the barrel

  52. 69
    JACK DRILLME says:

    No no you chaps
    I had more than my share of turns in the barrel at Eton what !

  53. 70
    garrel of geer says:

    Can you make a hundred more of these barrels, a friend of mine his house is flooded on the levels, maybe we can float it

  54. 71
    JACK DRILLME says:

    Yes Nick Clegg and his Lib-deviants have me over one

  55. 72
    Edward I says:

    Keep sending us the single malts and well keep paying for your stellas, buckies and deep fried mars bars.

  56. 73
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    “Is that a Hogshead?”

    “No, it’s Simon Burns.”

  57. 74
    Cymro oddi ar y llinell says:

    Pace ‘The Bridge’: How long will it take before Mr Salmond dissolves completely?

  58. 75
    Just Saying says:

    No I do not want this to go to Syria, its far too potent.

  59. 76
    Jimmy says:

    As this is technically not a brewery unfortunately Ed still wins.

  60. 77
    Packaged Salmond says:

    Now finish him.

  61. 78
    Di Rear says:

    “I’m used to accepting bungs”

  62. 79
    Wake up & vote UKIP says:

    Kilt lifter sniffs around new bung.

  63. 80
    A Wounded Badger says:

    I name this Ship……

  64. 81
    The jocks wan't to walk away Scott free after Darion two says:

    And if you give them all a wee dram before they go over the top and vote in the booths they will follow like the good sheep they are trained to obey.
    in case of emergency,we have three other barrels that only have to be smashed open to reveal ballot boxes stuffed with postal votes.

  65. 83
    My gal Sal says:

    Big nail needs a big hammer.

  66. 84
    RomaBob.... Beeeeg Issue! says:

    Yes, Limp-Dems have me over a barrel and here is my butt plug!

  67. 85
    Citizen Khan says:

    ‘…..they thought they’d scraped the bottom of one of these fellas when Gordon was pm’.

  68. 86
    Poet's day says:

    … Ok. That’s another nail in the Tory party coffin…

  69. 87
    ss says:

    Twat proves he is a lefty, hammer in the wrong hand.
    That is the truth put out of the way.

  70. 90
    Village Idiot says:

    ……”I love coopering (cuparius),reminds me of my fantasy of banging that foxy
    economist,who failed miserably to stitch up Farage……..drat”.

  71. 91
    Barrel of laughs says:

    And you say it has spikes on the inside for when I’m rolled down the hill?

  72. 92
    Anonymous says:

    Look at the Lib Dems in the background, ready to be sacked!!!

  73. 93
    Vernon Francis Gallagher Esq. says:

    I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour…

  74. 94
    Extreme White Water Organisation of Canada says:

    Dave manages to finally secure Lord Smith of Crap Job in the barrel ready to go over Niagra, to experience first hand what it is like to be in a bit of a deluge.

  75. 95
    Larry Hooverman says:

    I think we found where Gordon Brown has been hiding since April 2010.

  76. 96
    Dithering Dave says:

    Mandlescum, your eternal time in the barrel is over! we are going all hetero!

  77. 97
    Vernon Francis Gallagher Esq. says:

    Cheers Dave! Mine’s a Bloody Mary.

  78. 98
    Votes flooding to UKI says:

    It’s called Camerons brig sir.
    Ban Referendum In Government sir.

  79. 99
    Hoots Mon says:

    I’m ready. Did you say – Ben Doon and Phil Mccavity?

  80. 101

    Vanilla oakiness.

    Vanilla = plain

    Oakiness = wooden and dense

  81. 102
    Ex P.M. says:

    When is my turn in here?

  82. 103
    Phil the Bubble says:

    The twat’s even fuck’d that up. Masons are left handed bricklayers!

  83. 104
    verticalwater says:

    Do you know how many sacks of shit it takes to make this?

  84. 105
    silly sailor says:

    Nekonomination craze hits downing street

  85. 106
    Ned Ludd says:

    “It’s Gaelic for ‘Cameron is a prick’, ya wee scunner!”

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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