February 7th, 2014

Chris Smith Threatened With Bog-Washing

Bridgewater MP Ian Liddell Grainger is doing his best to organise of lynching of Environment Agency boss Chris Smith during his visit to flood hit areas today. Liddell Grainger has got a load of farmers with pitchforks and two by fours together:

“I’ve got all my farmers, we’re waiting for him. I want to get this ruddy man. If I just have to stick his head down the loo and flush, I will.”

11 jobs Smith rakes in a six figure sum to run an agency for which there is nothing in his past to suggest he has any knowledge or competence in. Before parliament he worked for a housing charity. His only government job was at DCMS. No wonder things are going so swimmingly…

Via @jameskirkup


  1. 1
    Naughty Nev says:

    Not all he wants to get stuck up him in a bog. The dirty, dirty little man.


    • 22
      // says:

      In GB it’s “four by two” or “fifty by ten”. The yanks use “two by four”, you foreigner.


      • 29
        World AIDS Day says:

        Ah, my old mate Chris…


        • 130
          broderick crawford says:

          sack him ??

          he s leaving the EA in 4 months time anyway by ” mutual consent ” which means he is sacked coz he could not hack it

          Probably departing with a golden goodbye and with a golden hello at the next sinecure does anyone really believe he gives a fat flying wotsit about the EA s forward promises to resolve the probs for next year ???


      • 41
        non taxable pikey says:

        Pick-axe handles are much better.


      • 49
        Four b'two says:

        Oy, burning my ears are.


        • 133
          Chummiebum says:

          They don’t like it up ‘em – perhaps some do. You can’t be fussy as you get older. Any port in a storm. What’s he know about dredging?


  2. 2
    Whippersnapper2 says:

    The spitting image of Chris Patten I wonder why ? – I think we should be told.


    • 32
      Gilbert Fiddler says:

      The army won’t let him get further than a few miles away from the real trouble!

      Musn’t have even more debris wobbling about, there’s work to be done, and we don’t have time to help yet another political trougher farting in the wind, and pretending to learn lessons!


  3. 3
    Rick O'Shea says:

    Silly Labour placeman.

    I hope they get him. It only takes a bucket of water thrown in his direction to teach him a lesson.


  4. 4
    A Water Vole says:

    I think Chris Smith is doing a great job.


  5. 5
    Kameron's Ringpiece says:

    And yet the Tory boys are doing such a spiffing job what what…


  6. 6
    Chris Smith says:

    Bloody Hell – rakes in a six figure sum to run an agency for which there is nothing in his past to suggest he has any knowledge or competence in.

    And I thought the coincidence stopped at me looking like the Rev. Flowers


  7. 7
    EA ecoloon says:

    But we had to take care of the newts…who else will think about the newts in the Somerset levels?


    • 14
      Nature reserve £30m says:

      And the birds at Dawlish – don’t forget the birds!


      • 33
        Hugh Janus says:

        Lord “The Birds” Smith has to be one of our most incomptent fuckwits even by quango standards, and that’s against some truly immense competition.


        • 53
          Divvy Dave Cameron says:

          Bonfire of the QUANGOS anyone!

          Have I said that before?


        • 54
          Old Smith of Swillbucket says:

          Difficult choices…not my fault…difficult choices…don’t blame me…


          • Ruling Class says:

            …Chris…Lord helpus…Smith, would easily pass an ATOS test,and,probably never work again,if indeed,he ever has?


        • 81
          Whippersnapper2 says:

          Poor old Eric Pickles who wanted the bonfire found himself up against Labour’s ‘contracts of employment’ with these scum. THAT is what it’s all about – you sign mine and I’ll sign yours – BBC and many many others please note.
          There appears to be no way to get rid of these troughing bastards apart from a ‘Russian’ revolution. They are laughing at US.


        • 107
          Sniff my arsehole says:

          Chris is a darling, darling man.

          And a sensitive lover.


  8. 8
    pootle says:

    Qungos and Government agencies, staffed by incompetant Labourite, common-purpose graduated fuckwits.


  9. 9
    Fuck the EU says:

    Victoria Nuland is a MILF


  10. 10
    The Public says:

    “Chris Smith during his visit to flood hit areas today.”

    Useless trougher. Having said that, at least he’s intending to pay a visit to the affected area – on the other hand where’s Dave?? Running scared like a chicken because he know it won’t make good TV when the residents give him what for.


    • 25
      Fish says:

      Smith agency has some responsibility for what happened – he should have been there, even if only to see HIS staff, before Xmas.

      Cameron’s visit would be gesture politics….so expect Miliband to be there anytime soon (accompanied by a couple of his Miliband Mongs)


      • 57
        The Public says:

        Hope so – Miliband will get the full treatment too if he shows up. Useless twat is just as much to blame.


  11. 11
    Jazz Porridge says:

    A meeting with some gents in a public toilet? Don’t tempt him.

    Won’t be the first time he pokes around in muddy waters either


  12. 12
    You're welcome says:

    NASUWT are crying to anybody that will listen that teaching is on the verge of crisis.
    Translated, this means that they are unhappy about being told by Gove that he runs education in this country and not them.

    As teachers care so much for their pupils and their profession, their strike over more pay will take place on March 26th.


    • 19
      The Public says:

      It’s on the verge of crisis because in many areas there aren’t enough school places to meet the demand placed on the schools by the massive, continuing, uncontrolled immigration levels.


    • 39
      Hugh Janus says:

      If teachers think something is a bad idea then Gove should be backed to the hilt.


  13. 13
    Kuntz all around says:

    No Tory dissent allowed on this site. Only hateful racists may comment here.
    Brave New England.


  14. 15
    The Public says:

    Farage is correct – foreign aid should be stopped when we can’t even afford to look after people properly in this country.


    • 30
      onward christian soldiers says:

      Hollande’s little forage in CAR is going well.

      Thanks to him the Christians are now on top and lynching and butchering the Muzzies for fun.


      • 64
        Persona non grata says:

        Onward Christian soldiers.


      • 136
        thostids says:

        There are so many Labour placemen coming out of the woodwork that it almost appears to be a de facto 3 part coalition but with only 2 visible partners so as not to upset the natives. One calls to mind the sh*t that Cameronski was pulled out of by Milibender and his gang of frauds and felons. No wonder the Westminster pact are expecting a universal rodding by UKIP. They all signed 10 year contracts and expect a golden goodbye. In Smith’s case, they’re looking for some hardcore to put under the rail line along the South Coast. It’s a toss up whether they should stuff him under that or just stuff him.


    • 58
      Twampersand says:

      It’s called foreign aid, but at least 90% of it is simply bribe monies, to secure lucrative international contracts for companies with current/former politicians on the board, and to help MI6 with their ‘work’ in certain areas of the globe.


  15. 23
    Lucy from weston super l says:

    It is spelt Bridgwater not Bridgewater


    • 63
      Simon and Garfunkel says:

      Is there any trouble over there?


    • 70
      dogleg says:

      Quite correct. No “e” in the middle. For those people worried about the newts and birds, I can assure you that the Somerset Levels caters very well for wildlife. There are several large bird reserves there; Ham Wall, Greylake, etc, where huge flocks of starlings gather to be photographed by Bill Oddie. No, seriously, they are genuinely well provided for and they don’t all need flooded fields in order to live.

      We don’t need twots like Smith telling us that “there’s no money”, when the bastards are feeding the EU every day with it, planning HS2 or supporting Asian space flight. There is money available, it’s just in the wrong hands.


  16. 26
    Chris Smith's in De Nile says:

    God, he’s one ugly motherfucker!


    • 35
      Eccles says:

      Have you seen Mr Pickles?


    • 38
      Oh FFS! says:

      Climate change eh?
      Sounds like he’s lining up a role at the BBC for when he gets thrown out of his current position.


      • 71
        Hand in hand we fall into the quagmire of lies says:

        Climate change to these expensive people who know no better, they don’t see the cost to us scum of their deeds, they see it as how much money they can make for themselves.


    • 46
      Society of Ugly Motherfuckers says:

      We disown him.


    • 73
      Ad Hominem says:

      He is still talking bullshit.

      Perhaps having a competition with Dave to see who can be the biggest wanker the longest.

      He may have an advantage over Dave, as looking at him he probably need Cialis these days to manage a semi with the rent boys he fucks.


    • 75
      JH38492384032949 says:

      He looks like the archetypal lefty.

      Thin, humourless mouth and wire frame glasses to peer through down their nose at anyone who does not share their lofty view of the world and their place in it.


    • 79
      Twampersand says:

      I think that his gross catalogue of sins have contorted his features. The constant smirking, gluttony, sodomy, greed and arrogance has stretched and distorted his disgustingly fat face into a hideously disturbing charicature-like visage which is truly shocking.

      I don’t suppose his life-threatening health problems (contracted in pursuit of his hobby of having anal sex with total strangers) helps much with his appearance either.


      • 109
        Baron Mendelsohn of Bummingham says:

        My kind of guy.


        • 123
          A newt currently living it up on the Somerset Levels says:

          stretched and distorted his disgustingly fat face into a hideously disturbing charicature-like visage which is truly shocking.

          That’s exactly what I thought. The caricaturist’s work is already done – he is a living caricature.


    • 87
      10 jobs jobsworth says:

      Grotesque! Never seen jowls like it-probably developed from many years of troughing.


      • 100
        FFS says:

        He’s riddled with disease. Got HIV, taking a lot of medication. Seems to have developed nasty swellings around the neck and jowls in recent years.

        Frankly he is a disgusting perverted individual and he’s proud of it. If a heterosexual man behaved the way Chris Smith has done he would be denounced as a disgusting womaniser, abuser and pervert and would have no future in public life.


    • 90


    • 91
      My Bentley averages 14mpg says:

      Don’t do as I do, do as I say!


  17. 28

    Smith goes soon; his job was advertised a few weeks back. Is he taking the flack for the real boss, the Chief Executive? Surely is is he that runs the Agency on a day to day basis. Do we even know his name?


  18. 31
    EU to me says:

    Welcome believers to the green issues of the land, screw the public they only pay the wages, we have important jobs to save whats left of the country for our future grandchildren, lets stop dredging of waterways and make the area an SSI we have global warming sorry climate change so the weather will always be sunny and bright, just think of the money we can save for our expenses by selling of all this c02 dredging equipt, time for the politicians and the greens to pay up not the taxpayers, they are the ones who have destroyed the country with the help of the EU.


  19. 40
    UKIP does what it says on the tin says:



    Note: Only apply if you are a regime liblabcon stooge and /or fellow traveller who is owed a favour.


    You dont need any, the less qualified the better and in fact thicko morons are positively preferred. All the work is carried out by flunkies simply gold plating and enforcing EU diktats and regulations.

    These non jobs only cost the taxpayer tens of billions a year, well worth the price to keep our ruling class and their stooges rich and employed, and if you dont then screw you, its a case of mind over matter, you dont matter and they dont mind.


  20. 42
    Mental scientist says:

    CO2 is a pollutant.
    Trust me, I’m government funded.


  21. 51
    Johnny says says:

    “11 jobs Smith rakes in a six figure sum to run an agency for which there is nothing in his past to suggest he has any knowledge or competence in.”

    You misunderstand what the EA, Defra and other bodies have decided they are meant to be doing. Without our consent they have been captured by NGOs who want conservation projects and less agriculture. Flooding the Somerset levels is a matter of policy not accident. They have decided to make the area one of a select few sites in the EU as examples of what we can do to combat climate change.

    On the face of it a winter wetland landscape would be okay. The farmers would expect to be paid for not being able to farm their own land and in spring the fields would be drained and farming would resume. This was intended to reduce flooding elsewhere and to provide a habitat for migratory wading birds.

    Unfortunately the EA in Somerset seem to have overlooked the fact that, if they are going to specify a minimum water level for the fields, it would also help if they maintained a specific level rather than just let the water back up. As it has rained they should have been draining the levels a bit at low tide to make room for more rains to follow.


    • 72
      Jane Birkin from Paris says:

      Hollande almost got away with putting his third mistress on the State payroll before someone fingered him when he was wearing his crash helmet.

      His second mistress was on a nice little number to in the Socialist Elysee Palace.

      His mistress before that was rewarded with a nice post in a State run Financial institution.

      Of course it is all wrong but it goes on everywhere.


    • 80
      Fish says:

      SMITH? It must go with the name.

      Jacqui Five Bellies was given a lambasting on QT last night on the subject of getting more women in politics. Making the point that it was about quality not numbers, she was described by David Starkey, amongst other things, as the worst Home Secretary Britain has ever had.

      Great to watch!


  22. 59
    Fuck the EU says:

    Why are the East European shitheads who are now coming in not being assigned to do some of the clean up work down there, but instead the army ?

    The whole idea of this cheap Labour from Europe bullshit is to cover this kind of stuff is it not ? Or are those fucks just here to crowd the locals out of the more regular workplace ?


    • 82
      digging deeper will only make an earth mountain says:

      Human rights, they don’t have a contract to get killed, so uman rites innit, besides the army are already paid for, they would have to borrow more money to put others doing the cleanup.


      • 97
        Fuck the EU says:

        But filling sandbags and building some jerry rigged flood defenses to protect homes is very low skilled but labor intensive work.

        This is not exactly what the Army are paid for, but is precisely the sort of thing which the East European’s are being let in for.

        Would keep the lazy fuckers busy until the can claim their bennies, and perhaps help the c’unts integrate as well.


    • 115

      A good idea………. send all the pikeys and roma to work on the flood defences in close proximity to the homes of the people who have been evacuated


  23. 65
    Mark Oaten (LibDem) says:

    Can you give me a bog-washing, please ?


  24. 69
    Racist crackhead says:


    • 84
      Feel the Enrichment says:

      Watch how the blacks gang up on the white woman…


      • 105
        Twampersand says:

        It’s like watching the chimps at Whipsnade.


        • 140
          (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

          The slagger doesn’t look English. What’s with all the hand-gestures? The slaggees comported themselves with some dignity I thought. As for those trollops in the leopard-print ensembles; words fail me!


      • 113
        A proud Scotsman says:

        My God, those English really are quite chavvy and rude, what.

        You must all be so proud….

        I’ll stick to my deep fried mars bars


    • 124
      Proftastic says:

      Labour trolls trying to make this blog appear racist? The black people in that video behave perfectly responsibly, they were worried the crazy woman was going to pull the communication cord. That’s why he stepped in her way.


  25. 76
    Bodfrey Gloom says:

    This has all be caused by Dave’s g’ay bumsex marriage act.

    It’s God’s punishment.


  26. 77
    Scallywag says:


    • 86
      Cast Iron Dave says:

      Another reason we should stay in the EU. No border crossing fees for people in Cornwall.


      • 93
        David Cameron - a wanker to the bitter end says:

        What an absolute wanker David Cameron is.

        Google maps have just hit upon the leaked plans for HS3…


    • 94
      Lard Everard says:

      I always go for Jersey first, then Brest.


    • 96
      Fish says:

      Fucking thick, cynical twat.

      What’s wrong with the straight line from A to C? The A38 is open, The M5 is open, The M4 is open.

      The railway from Penzance to Plymouth is open (RR Buses to Exeter), the line from Exeter to Paddington is open (or a slower train to Waterloo for the scenic route)


  27. 85
    Persona non grata says:

    Cabbage patch Dave, king of the allotments makes a bombastic speech on the future of the UK, and the first question asked is about the floods.


  28. 89
    Adam Werrity and his business cards says:

    Are the Tubes still on strike ?

    I hope so after that!


  29. 95
    non taxable pikey says:


    That’ll make the inhabitants feel at home.


  30. 99
    Boffin says:

    “Lord” Smith did a Phd on Wordsworth and Coleridge, well known Lake poets, which clearly makes him an expert on all things aquatic.


  31. 101
    Rob Roy says:

    Some socialist twit called Powell has now said that if Scotland votes for Independence then that will kick things off in Northern Ireland.

    Well that would be a first wouldn’t it!

    That will definitely have me rushing to maintain the Union.

    The comments and arguments to stop the independence movement are becoming more ridiculous by the hour.


  32. 103
    ss says:

    “11 jobs Smith rakes in a six figure sum to run an agency for which there is nothing in his past to suggest he has any knowledge or competence in”

    The AIDS infected poof has no competence in any job he has done, Useless at everything, a know it all socialist scum aids bag.
    Twat in the first degree.


  33. 106
    Ali from Bradford says:

    They all homosexuals down there in’it


  34. 117
    Proftastic says:

    Is Chris Smith part lizard? He appears to have the ability to inflate his neck and face as a defence mechanism when surprised by a crisis.

    Perhaps David Ike was correct in this case?


  35. 120
    The question to be answered says:

    Who appointed Smith?


    • 121

      The disease ridden pervert probably thinks dredging in something to do with rent boys lower intestines!


  36. 125
    Mr Anonymous says:

    “11 jobs Smith rakes in a six figure sum to run an agency for which there is nothing in his past to suggest he has any knowledge or competence in.”

    Perfectly put


  37. 126
    Nigel Farage doppelganger says:

    People should read this site; it exposes the EA especially the Management failings.



  38. 127
    Nigel Farage doppelganger says:

    Bridgwater MP Ian Liddell Grainger should look at his own party first. It is the EU telling the EA what to do. His party backs the EU. Stones glass houses comes to mind


  39. 135


    Oh! I am sorry but this is really the bottom.


  40. 137
    Jonno says:

    What’s wrong with his face- did a dog eat it or something?


  41. 138
    stushie says:

    What many do not realise is that the E A has many incompetents swept into lovely jobs well beyond the claimed remit. E G useless waste ‘Inspectors’ who are total jobsworths .The other end of the spectrum ,big headed Ph D’s who think the ‘job’ is beneath them.
    Gawd Help Us All


  42. 139
    Anonymous says:

    Smith looks like a beached whale as the flood waters keep on rising. His answer is say nothing. Useless Labour always screwing the working class.


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