February 5th, 2014

SKETCH: Many-Headed Monster Delightfully Out of Control

Unusually, the Prime Minister called the Speaker. It’s usually the other way round.

The noise from Labour was so great – the raucous enjoyment of their weekly Ten Minute Hate – that on two occasions the Prime Minister shook his head and gestured towards the Speaker indicating he should intervene. The first time, the Speaker got up at once to call for quiet. The second time Cameron had to say: “Mr Speaker, really,” and up the Speaker popped up to do the bidding.

What a change!

Hard to say who won on noise.

As for the argument – gender politics. Not my subject, really.

Ed Miliband had prepared his attack by packing as many women as he could into his front bench. At 11.59 they’d managed six women to three men in the first nine. They needed another. Rachel Reeves looking almost sexist she’s so gorgeous (as I say, it’s not really my subject) went to sit on Ed Balls’ knee. What with his wife two seats down, Balls had to bump her off and onto the bench and that brought the male/female front bench numbers to 70/30 in favour of the females.

The pound gained 3 per cent against all major currencies.

“A picture’s worth a thousand words,” the Labour leader gloated, waving that funny thing he’s got at the end of his arm. There wasn’t a single woman on the Conservative front bench.

At best, Cameron had a woman right behind him. Anne MacIntosh tweeting, possibly. “Take that, Ed, ha!”

Cameron said the Tory female figures were 24 per cent of something and 48 up from 17 of something else. This was very good. Or a disgrace, depending on where you were sitting.

Cameron’s “We had the first woman prime minister,” produced goal-scoring celebration from Tories. “Yeah, and she actually won elections,” Miliband responded which drove his fans to their feet. Everyone having a terrific time.

Speaker’s turn for the worse

Suddenly the Speaker burst a blood vessel. He’d stood up and shouted for order, no one had paid him any attention and he’d sat down again. Now he addressed the Education secretary (we bullies know who to pick on). “Mr Gove!” (Laughter) “You really are a most excitable individual!” (Dissenting noises from Labour. They wanted a different description.) “ORDER!” (Looking as though he was going to hit someone) “You should write out a thousand times, ‘I must behave at prime minister’s questions!”

But his voice was going, and the noise actually increased. The House was out of control and the Speaker could only let it roar.

On occasions like this, we see how the Tory loathing, the product of years of abusive treatment from the Chair, is still bubbling beneath the surface.

Back to gender rage

Ed made the point that Cameron had greeted a high-profile business woman at a reception with the words: “Where’s your husband?”

The pound lost 3 per cent, and the output gap widened.

Miliband may be right that his core vote will be energized by hatred. Odd that such a mild-mannered, decent fellow should hope to become prime minister of Britain on the basis of a hate crime.

On with the show

Jack Dromey stood up. Robert Buckland called out, “Where’s your wife?” – or so Labour’s Kevin Brennan tweeted. Feelings about Mr Dromey are strictly non-party political.

The Birmingham MP told the House: “Queen Victoria was on the throne when the Dunlop factory in Erdington started making those big black things – what are they called? They’re circular, you know, they get pumped up really hard, fully-inflated some of them are enormous. Some of them so gigantic you think ‘No, too big for me, it’ll never fit!’ TYRES! Thank you!”

If he didn’t say that I must have drifted off half way through.


  1. 1
    Spartacus says:

    like the uropeein parliament?


  2. 2
    Diversity Offica says:

    Was Miliband playing the who’s got the most game?

    What a coque.


  3. 3
    WelshRacer says:

    Seems every speech Dromey makes begins with “Queen Victoria was on the throne when the Dunlop factory in Erdingtonzzzzzzzzzz”


  4. 4
    WelshRacer says:

    Today was the “Harmanisation of Politics”

    Maybe for next pmqs the Tory backbenches could all turn up wearing dresses?


  5. 5
    Check Facts First says:

    Milibands a big girls blouse. Just look at the time and effort that was put into this charade by Labour. For what? No one cares a toss about how many women there are in his gang. Blair`s Babes didn`t last long nor will Millipede after today’s performance. The contrast with his gravitas acting performances a few weeks ago could`t be greater. What next, my conkers bigger than yours.


    • 12
      was it something I said? says:

      Why didn’t Cameron just throw their own front-bencher’s words back at them? ‘Window-dressing’.


    • 21
      David playboy Blunkett (wanna play with my poochg babe?) says:

      The Opposition front bench looked good on radio.


    • 51
      EUHATER says:

      Milibands Mingers !!!


    • 71
      check it out, man says:

      The message for the female electorate, my fact checking friend, is that the Tories don’t like women. The Tories have no interest in you ladies, so don’t vote for them.


      • 81
        FFS says:

        Except it doesn’t really wash. There are multiple women in the Tory party and a former PM. Not only that, most of the women in Tory ranks don’t annoy the tits off everybody.

        It’s yet another one of those Milliband wheezes which look good for about a week but then sink below the waves once reality bites.


    • 137
      rank rank says:

      Blair had his Babes, Cameron has his cuties, Milliband will have his munters


      • 140
        Hohoho says:

        The only Labour woman worth her salt is Kate Hoey …. But it baffles me how she can remain a member of such a discredited shower of shite party.


  6. 6
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    When will Labour introduce all men shortlists?


  7. 8
    Wilson Pickett says:

    Er, I think that Bercow was having a go at Gove for the article written in this mornings’ Daily Mail by Mrs Gove (aka Sarah Vine) which was not that complimentary about Sally Bercow.


    And here’s a tribute to Must-tongue Sally


    • 24
      Salli says:

      Don’t pick it, you’ll only make it worse.


    • 27
      Bill Quango MP/5 says:

      It wasn’t uncomplimentary. Gave slapper Sal quite a lot of faint praise.
      Really only the last lines were a little damning.

      In many ways she’s the Jade Goody of politics: insecure, needy and vulgar.
      Ultimately, though, she’s more in need of our sympathy than condemnation.


    • 44
      The Public says:

      Bercow is a disgrace.

      Isn’t there a real man left in the House of Cuckolds willing to tell the poor sap to divorce the bitch?


      • 59
        Chris underpants Bryant says:

        Don’t look at me.


      • 84
        FFS says:

        Maybe they are swingers. Perhaps John was doing that jungle bunnie’s ebony other half in the back passage.


        • 93
          was it something I said? says:

          A black man? Married?

          Tee hee.


          • Blowing Donkey Whistles says:

            Only on Halifax bank TV adverts.


          • FFS says:

            I didn’t say they were married.

            But you’re right, a black man with a black woman? Not in this day and age. They spend their time getting white trash blondes up the duff. Sally is just one of those white trash blondes.


          • altruism in industry says:

            if we are fortunate a true king will arise and rid the realm of fornicators and pederasts, a brave with charm and charisma and strength who will instill in the nation a confidence and a direction and give the new generation a purpose and a social understanding that we may all move forwards creating a better world.


  8. 13
    McAdder says:

    Was he counting the Eagle brothers as women?


  9. 17
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    ’70s Ed.
    I can feel myself warming to this theme. 70’s Ed.
    Sometimes him and Balls walking beside the rusting docks and strike closed car plants of his industrial heartland. Sometimes him and Hattie, platform shoes, afro headed,splurging cash in a Saturday Night Fever excess.

    70’s Ed.


  10. 19
    More tea, vicar? says:

    Jack Dromey: “Queen Victoria was on the throne when the Dunlop factory in Erdington started making those big black things…”


    • 29
      Oooooooooh Santiagooooooooooo says:

      .. and I’m often to be found hiding on the throne when I’m er, er, researching those big black things.


    • 34
      Creationist Franke Maude says:

      Jack Dromey: “Queen Victoria was on the throne in the Dunlop factory in Erdington when they started making those big black things…”


    • 149
      Jim says:

      And for all those Scot-bashers on ‘ere;

      Dunlop, what nationality was he again…..?


  11. 23
    Baroness (as honest as a day in the arctic winter is long) uddin (where's my £300) says:

    Oh the irony – does no one in Labour have a brain to have Black Jack Dromey-Harman asking a question when Moribund goes on women’s representation – how did that all female shortlist go again again Harri – oh no you were unable to make the confirmatory meeting ….. funny that – nothing wrong with family and hereditary positions as long as they are for the deserving


    • 39
      Dick Heads all says:

      Another MP you just have to laugh at.
      Dromey, his twittering favourite Santiago
      Bryant, his underpants photo for a gay site
      Darling, house flipper extraordinaire
      Clegg, liar … even saying sorry

      You surely can add your own!


  12. 32
    Casual Observer 6 says:

    Bercow did lose control today.

    Miliband’s gender politics idea was about as flat as Dromey’s tiresome speech.


  13. 36
    Wait - what! says:

    These really are fabulous sketches – keep up the good work Sir!


  14. 40
    Londonder says:

    The lives of millions of our citizens are beng made miserable because the London underground uses the technology of the last century and Bob Crow has brought his luddites out on strike. So what are they arguing about in Parliament? Nothing that matters to the public in our nation’s capital.


    • 43
      was it something I said? says:

      Bob Crow is just doing his bit to encourage people to vote T*ry. Or UKIP. Or even Respect. Anybody but Labour in fact.

      Thanks Bob.


      • 45
        The Public says:

        Bob Criw is doing what Bob Crow does. The question is, why is our government so weak they let him do that?


        • 48
          was it something I said? says:

          Because Bob Crow secures more T*ry votes by striking than he does when he’s working.


          • Reader says:

            I don’t give a shit about Tory votes. I want a country that isn’t a banana republic; where cynical politicians and the twats who egg them on don’t rub their hands with glee whenever the public is being fucked around.


    • 47
      Boris and his Johnson says:

      If I could I would automate the HoC and the HoL


    • 56
      Abdel from Tooting says:

      I told you that Underground is infested with rats and it is all the fault of David Cameron and his Coalition Government which far from being a non partisan Government for the people stops then getting to and from work on their Oyster cards.

      It is not fair I tell you.

      Why did they not sit down and negotiate a solution months ago to avoid this disaster ?


    • 58
      Mick Butcher says:

      £52k for a tube driver?

      Sack them and get some Poles in to do it half price while we invest in driverless trains. Cheaper, more reliable and everyone wins… except Bob Crow and his Labour-funding army of disruptive stooges.


    • 127
      Ned Ludd says:

      Bob Crow has brought his luddites out on strike.

      Do you mind? We wouldn’t go near that fat, lying, cheating crooked bastard. I hope he dies of something lingering and nasty.


      • 132
        was it something I said? says:

        I hope he dies of something lingering and nasty.

        He is. He’s carrying it around with him every day.


        • 152
          Ride a cock horse etc says:

          Back from Rio then is he? Why was he let back in? Should have been arrested on the spot for traitorous economic sabotage.


  15. 54
    Wimmin says:

    So, at the Labour leadership we had one woman who only made the shortlist because one of her rivals voted for her.

    The one capable woman was Yvette Cooper and of course her thunder was stolen by the fact that her lard-arse waste of space spouse decided to throw his considerable weight in the ring first and scupper her chances.


    • 61
      was it something I said? says:

      Yvette Cooper will be the next Labour leader in June 2015.


      • 87
        Mick Butcher says:

        Who will replace her in 2017?


        • 97
          was it something I said? says:

          Somebody untainted by the 1997-2010 idiocy.


        • 124
          Gooey Blob says:

          You can rule out anyone who remains on the front bench during what will be a disastrous election for Labour. The ones to watch will be those who resign before then in order to spend more time with their families.


    • 64
      The national debt not decreasing by the day despite Austerity says:

      “Yvette Cooper”……………..”capable” ?

      You have obviously been on those illegal herbal cigarettes again.


      • 66
        David Wisteria says:

        Let us be clear about this.

        The Labour Leader is a “complete mug” and his Shadow Chancellor is a “muttering idiot” .

        I can give them a good kicking in 2015.


  16. 68
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Without Brown we wouldn’t have had Blair. Without Blair we wouldn’t have had Brown. Without Murdoch we wouldn’t have had either Blair or Brown. Murdoch you Rsewipe.


  17. 69
    Cast Iron Dave says:

    Good to see the EU helping out people in times of need in bad weather.


    • 80
      Herman says:

      And on another of his mistweets, Jack told me he was this big.


    • 85
      JH348324-03258 says:

      Is that where you send 10’000 bureaucrats to do the work of 100 men with shovels?


    • 90
      was it something I said? says:

      EU Civil Protection Mechanism Working = We had a meeting at which we agreed to send a letter of support to Slovenia.

      It’s like sending that glaikit (see, Fucking Scotland is good for something) imbecile Ashton off to Libya and declaring we’re helping them with their civil war.


    • 92
      FFS says:

      Herman receiving messages from space again. I think they are downloading new software to his brain. That’s why his arms have stopped in that awkward position.


    • 94
      Herman Achille Van Rompuy says:

      I said ‘stands ready’ , I never indicated we would actually do anything.


    • 100
      Wait - what! says:

      Want to help with flooding?
      Give Rompuy, Baroso, Ashton and the rest of the troughing nobodies that were unelected, shovels. Then point to a pile of sand & a heap of bags and tell the buggers to get filling.


  18. 72
    Fish says:

    On this post, we’ve had (in no particular order):

    Rachel Reeves; ‘She’s so gorgeous’

    Ed Miliband; ‘Mild mannered and decent fellow’

    Yvette Cooper; ‘Capable woman’

    This irony thing is quite hoot.


  19. 73
    Knob Ed says:

    I made a mistake at PMQs and I apologise. I counted the Eagle sisters as front bench women but I accept they’re really blokes.


  20. 98
    Not the BBC says:

    The Struggle fought by Comrade Crowe is a class struggle – the multi ethnic, inclusive and diverse working class fighting for its survival against white, male Bullingdon toffs.
    For this reason, coverage of the strike will receive our special attention.


    • 154
      Mind the gap - union loonies at work (or not, as the case may be) says:

      The fat Crow does not seem to realise that a huge number of workers on the London tube system are of ‘ethnic descent’ who will all be out of work once the fully automated tube comes into being. Where are they all going to go then?


  21. 99
    Oh Lordy says:


  22. 101

    Can you think of a more revolting idea then Jack Dromey teabagging Angela Eagle?

    Unless it was Angela Eagle teabagging Jack Dromey.


  23. 105
    Where your taxes go... says:

    Policeman who smashed up OAP’s car receives £400k pay-out


  24. 107
    Sally in the Alley says:


  25. 109
    altruism in industry says:

    the question that has been troubling me for a while is
    “Is it necessary to kill in order to progress ?”
    Is there an alternative society of gangsters who are in charge ?
    Is obedience of an army required to retain society ?


  26. 123
    FATFUCKER says:

    When you have to factor Bob Crow into decisions about how you get to your workplace something is very wrong


  27. 126
    Walking home in the rain because of the Tube Strike... says:

    They all seem to be slightly mad…or on class A drugs, or of for goodness sake it’s still raining and Bob Crow is a c*nt…


    • 133
      was it something I said? says:

      Makes you want to vote Labour doesn’t it?

      Thought not.

      Bob Crow’s ‘workers’ are punishing other workers while Labour’s farmed and hand-reared benefit class sits at home watching daytime TV totally oblivious to who’s on strike.

      Meanwhile, in Falkirk, unions conspire to parachute their bosses girlfriend into a Labour safe-seat.


  28. 134
    Another one of Cleggs old teachers convicted of child abse I see says:

    One is careless but 5 is institutional.


  29. 141
    John says:

    Ed Miliband is such a fucking knobend.

    I t was only a couple of weeks ago that he was trying to sell the idea that he was going to try and get away from the playground exchanges which have so dominated PMQs for ages and be more serious, more assertive.

    And here we are barely two weeks later, with the Government’s finances in the shit, with unemployment a problem, with Labour trashing the EU debate in the Lords, with the Scottish referendum bearing down on us, with education reforms being announced and what does he focus on?

    … The number of women MPs on the Government front bench today. What a useless fucktard this man is. He is too fucking stupid to even be leader of the Labour Party.

    For the record Ed, with a group of witless harpies you’ve put into you Cabinet as an example of diversity, you’re not doing the argument much good – I mean look at that roster of dull, moaning fucking failures; Cooper, Harman, Reeves, Eagle… jesus wept what a bunch…


    • 144
      Just Saying says:

      If ever there was a case for LESS women in Parliament it is the names and record of the Labour women MP’s.


  30. 147
    Castrato says:

    Ed will have his very own gender issues when his Balls get cut off.

    Being a Leeching Hunt of a Labour MP is nothing to be proud of.

    Time for Ed to get his own ideas & stop scrounging from the poor!

    Ed is having another of his crap idea crisis!

    Ed wants us to count the stupid cows that make up the Union funded Labour Party. Glenda Jackson is androgynous so she does not count. She does David Bowie impersonations on her day off.

    Still waiting for Labour to come up with a decent policy that does not destroy the economy. Labour is closed for business while Ed’s bimbos don’t have a clue about the real world. Step forward Rachel Reeves!


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