February 3rd, 2014

Paterson Doth Protest
Mystery of Minister, MP, Lobbyists and Empty Wine Glass

The Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, Owen Paterson is rather cross with Guido over the suggestion he was drinking with lobbyists late into the night on Wednesday in the Intercontinental Hotel bar while large swathes of the country were still underwater. His people claim that although he was with the lobbyists on Wednesday and that it was late at night and that it was the posh Westminster Intercontinental Hotel bar, what Guido said was greatly defamatory. Apparently he wasn’t drinking. As you can see from the pictures, Guido must have been confused…

So who were Owen’s companions? Well Hanover Comm’s Charles Lewington was there and former Tory Energy Minister Charles Hendry, the current Tory MP for Wealden, was loitering in the background (to the left in the picture) in a manner which is surely entirely unrelated to the £5,000 plus-a-month he is paid by various energy companies. Hanover represent those mother-frackers Cuadrilla as well as Shell UK, amongst others. Coincidentally Lewington and Hendry chatted at length the very second that Paterson left the room after 25 minutes of, apparently, not drinking in the bar. Guido is sure that the floodplains of Somerset were high up on their late night, cosy and totally dry agenda.


  1. 1
    Mr Maude says:

    New AI project to be rolled out soon. All MPS shall have, running alongside there given responsibilities to the electorate, an artificial Intelligence program giving written answers as would the MPs entourage, civil servants and government ministers respond. MPs, of course, would have power to include their own comments. Francis Maude is hopeful this can be rolled into the Whitehall Civil Service, Local Authorities and all EU institutions and government funded agencies.

  2. 2
    Guido to solicitor says:

    Accept that £10 million offer from Rupert. Please wrap up asap

  3. 3
    Guido to little helpers says:

    From now on you are self-employed.

  4. 4
    Gordon Brown to Sarah says:

    “I see no reason not carry on being a MP beyond the next two elections.”
    “But why”
    “Developments. Don’t need to visit Westminister anymore. Keeping the seat warm to 2015 will allow our son to inherit it, with MPs salary, pension and perks. He can do all this whilst attending Harvard studying.”

  5. 5
    I'm sure it wasn't the first time he's been covered with a wet, sticky substance says:

  6. 6
    Tim Yeo Bellows says:


  7. 7
    Gordon Brown's shed says:

    Today .. I are mostly preventing flooding .. by using pampers extra

  8. 8
    Shame on him! says:

  9. 9
    Taxpayer says:

    And this scum continue with their unashamed perversion of democracy with their lobbying

    And think that no one notices

    Arrogant, incompetent and corrupt con men

    It really is getting close to piano wire time

  10. 10
    Burlington Bertie (from Bow) says:

    Guido you do a good job so I will not take you to task for the wrong plane. as in flood plains, only sayin.

  11. 11
    Geedo's had a hard-on for Yeo for a long time says:

  12. 12
    Nah. says:

    I suppose you can try to make it embarrassing Geedo but what did you want him to do, drown his sorrows?

    Incidentally on that same evening Sky news filmed in the pub showing the locals having a jolly good session. Are you going to embarrass them too?

  13. 13
    Totty Watch says:

    More to the point. Who is the Lady Lobbess, and did she?

  14. 14
    Fishy says:

    The BBC told me on Five Live this morning, via their environment activist (sorry, I meant correspondent) Roger Harrabin, that public opposition to fracking is increasing.

    This might be wishful thinking on the BBC’s part, I thought that opinion was moving in the opposite direction, despite the BBCs effort to keep real scientists and engineers (people that actually know something about the subject) off their airwaves, in favour of the swampy / occupy people who know fuck all and what they have learned, they found on wiki.

  15. 15
    Can't you tell you are on the square says:

    Another trougher. Fuck off

  16. 16
    Speechless says:


  17. 17
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    Say He-Yeo
    Wave goodbye

  18. 18
    Táxpáyér says:

    At least the Con-party have realised that it’s curtains fro them if they try and freeze the country via high energy prices during the future colder winters.

    Frack ON!

  19. 19
    BBC Pension Fund says:

    Please cease and desist with this commentary, you are making our investments go down. Unlike our brothers at the BBC who do a marvellous job.

  20. 20
    Speechless says:

    And what they didn’t like on Wiki they re-wrote so they would like it.

  21. 21
    Táxpáyér says:

    Why so much lobbying is needed to get the country jobs and cheaper energy is still a mystery.

  22. 22
    Editor of the Titler glossy mag says:

    And Patterson’s brother in law is Matt Ridley Chairman of Northern Rock when we it collapsed

    So we have Patterson of Somerset

    and Ridley of Northern Rock in the same family

    Perhaps Dave will give them both Life Peerages at the same time just before being kicked out

  23. 23
    Mitch says:

    Couldn’t happen to a nicer b*st*rd.

  24. 24

    The Somerset floods are entirely the fault of the ecoloons put in DECC by Layabout and the Limp Dicks. I fail to see that Mr.Patterson would be doing anything meaningful by standing in flood-water waiting for a photo-opportunity as so many of his predecessors would have done. And Guido, not many folk can get kaolined in 25 minutes – that’s a special quality shared by yourself and a few others. Mr Patterson has been very tight-lipped about the whole thing so far – the action of a very angry man with excellent self-control. The blood-letting in DECC will start when the emergency is over.

  25. 25
    Clarence for Brighton says:

    Hanover Comm’s , very helpful helping me with a missing corpse !

  26. 26

    How long does it take to count 600 ballot papers?

    I could do the job in less than five minutes.

    Make that seconds! Down the road, Tim!

  27. 27
    Mandy, troughing with Russian Oligarch says:


    It was only guacamole

  28. 28
    BBC Red Bottom says:

    Fracking causes earthquakes, meteorites, insomnia and hair loss.
    We read it on Fracked Off website

  29. 29
    Fishy says:

    Hang on. The Left’s position on lobbying

    Lobbying by business = Bad, therefore we need a lobbying bill

    Lobbying by Charities, Third Sector, the BBC and Quangos = Good, therefore we don’t need a lobbying bill…..err….we do, but not one that affects us.

  30. 30
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    its the counting out of the £50 notes into the correct envelopes that takes the time.

  31. 31
    Spartacus says:

    is ho-ho-yeo still on the selection list or is he deselected?

  32. 32
    House of Ill Repute says:

    That would not worry them as much as the other sort of AI – Artificial Insemination

  33. 33
    LibLabCon Cabal Propaganda Ops says:

    David Cameron: “Lobbying is going to be the next big scandal !”

  34. 34
    Butt Plug alert says:

    I normal circumstances the Flood Minister would have Chris Smith’s ass for the absolute shambles which he alone has created. But as Smith’s ass is far from normal it is understandable that the minister should turn to drink.

  35. 35
    Arrest them says:

    Here are the usual suspects from Hannover Cons


    Citizens arrests are in order methinks

    All corrupting democracy at our expense

  36. 36
    Gordon Brown says:

    It all started in the US.

  37. 37
    Spartacus says:

    as some who does know about fracturing, i was interested to see the bbbc animation that showed explosions going off underground.

    bbbc the informed channel eh?

  38. 38
    Not no more you aint! says:

  39. 39
  40. 40
    Sue says:

    discussing more subsidies for eco loon projects that pay them backhanders whilst England & Wales are under water.

    Dereliction of duty does not come into it – this is corruption – how else can you spend so much money on stupid & useless green projects then claim there is no money for flood defences?

    If we can afford to pay Dave Camerons father in law for non existent wind power, fund the troughing Marxists at the EU & put Indian spacecraft into orbit then we can afford to look after OUR OWN PEOPLE!

  41. 41

    I could do that in one second…

  42. 42
    Eric Joyce says:

    I can get sober in 25 minutes

  43. 43
    Not no more you aint! says:

    Is it just me or does she look like someone who likes a few drinks?

  44. 44
    DFiD says:

    What a charmingly naive outlook.

  45. 45
    Fishy says:

    Yes, and they produced a little sectional diagram showing the fracturing taking place immediately beneath the water table. Someone must have complained because they now have added the words, ‘not to scale’.

  46. 46
    Tim Yeo says:

    Look I’ll do anything absolutely anything if you don’t deselect me. Look I’m on my knees don’t make me beg anymore.

    What !!!!, there is no way I’m putting that in my gagagag6&*%^&bshGJdaFHG

  47. 47
    ʍȫʊʂʂȁ ҞϴџṦṦậ says:

    £5000 a month?
    Where I come from, that’s seen as a BRIBE.

  48. 48
    One-term Dave (dragging the Tories to their grave) says:

    By jove, you are a silly little ninny, aren’t you, what what?

    As you stand in your lounge, flood-waters lapping at your chin, for the fifth consecutive week, you should wade your way to your window and look up at the night sky. If it’s not raining, you might see a little passing speck of light – an Indian spaceship purchased with your money.

    And I think you’ll jolly well agree, as you swell with pride, that I’ve spent your money very very wisely. Very wisely indeed.

    Tally ho!

  49. 49
    Mid Staffs Patient says:

    Water Table !! Where?

  50. 50
    Neil Hamilton says:

    Shouldn’t that be “Handover” Communications ?

  51. 51
    David Cameron says:

    We’re all in this together.

  52. 52
    WelshRacer says:

    Owen Paterson caught with his flood defences down.

  53. 53
    One-term Dave (dragging the Tories to their grave) says:

    Guffff- haw haw haw haw haw!

    £5,000? By jove, I wouldn’t bend over to pick £5K up if I saw it on the pavement!

    No, £250,000 is a bribe. For that, you get half an hour of my time and I make things happen for you, what what.

    You see, companies that want to frack give me oodles of dosh, and I make things happen. Yokels in Somerset don’t give me £250,000, so I let them get trench foot! That’ll jolly well teach them, eh, what what?

    Guffff- haw haw haw haw haw!

    Toodle pip!

  54. 54
    Gordon Brown's ancient and his wife's a mu mu says:

  55. 55
    Casual Observer 6 says:

    Owen Patterson is a mong. The true allegation was not defamatory.

    What could be bona fide defamatory is any suggestion that improper use of drugs or certain other sexual favours were deployed when he met with Revd. Flowers in a hotel bedroom some years back, failing to shill P’resbyterian Bank onto the Co-Op when he was NI Secretary – not that any such suggestion is intended or questions raised about his clearly exemplary character in relation to such an intimate meeting of minds back in 2010 at Tory Party conference…

  56. 56
    An Entrepreneur says:

    I am selling rowing boats, which although ideal for the current floods will come in handy in the summer so one can row to the nearest stand pipe when the drought orders come in.

  57. 57
    Arrest them says:

    Britain is more corrupt than Libya nowadays, Moussa

    The British simply do not want to admit it

    THere are so many “revolving doors” that it makes me sick

  58. 58
    Good riddance, cunt says:

  59. 59
    Arrest them says:

    Who is the tottie?

    She looks very involved in all this corruption

  60. 60
    Owen Praterson says:

    I know it looks like a wine glass, but it’s actually the aurora borealis reflecting off Charles Hendry’s bald head.

  61. 61
    Vazoline says:

    I say close it and close it now. The blog shows everything I do in the name of Paliament.

  62. 62
    Casual Observer 6 says:

    It is 14:30 (ish) on a Monday afternoon.

    Other than countermanding the Home Office on pub opening times during a football competition, what else is David Cameron going to do today ?

    He is fast running out of time to justify his salary for today: Making T’heresa M’ay look a mong is not justification.

    Perhaps an afternoon is a long time in politics ? Come on Dave, you can do it !

  63. 63
    Dot Shabaka says:


  64. 64
    A Politicaly correct Quango says:

    It is bleeding obvious that a Quango called the “environment agency” would prioritise a water vole’s environment over a human’s.

  65. 65
    David Ward MP says:

    I’m anti-Zi*nist not anti-J*wish, fuckwit.

    Do you understand the difference?

  66. 66
    Huh? says:

    Visit Specsavers

  67. 67
    Sir Mary Flappes says:


  68. 68
    RSPB Great Crane Project says:

    Anyone seen those cranes we released on the Somerset Levels?

  69. 69
    FFS says:

    He’s neither. He’s a greasy no-mark politician in a marginal constituency whose £67,000 p.a. job is entirely dependent on convincing the Muzzies to vote for him.

  70. 70
    FFS says:

    Chris Smith has HIV. Even the gays don’t want his ass.

  71. 71
    Sadiq Khan says:

    I would rather compare it to the corruption in Pak!stan, and there is a good reason for that….

  72. 72
    David Cameron says:

    My whole career has been spent climbing the greasy pole. I don’t know anything about running a country. Knifing my adversaries in the back is what I’m good at, and I’ve concentrated all my time in office getting shot of people I don’t like.

  73. 73
    Anonymous says:

    They didn’t know what came over him.

  74. 74
    Anonymous says:

    Look inside the water pumps.

  75. 75
    Praise be to Al Lah for sending us the drones says:

    Has Paterson morphed into Gordo?

  76. 76
    Zummersetters says:

    You really ought to read this. As you seem to like to elect EU-loving eco mentalist Lib Dems down it that part of the world, I’m tempted to say you got what you asked for. Except you didn’t ask for the flooding and I wouldn’t be so cruel.


  77. 77
    Anonymous says:

    Ecolunatics are everywhere. Most worryingly they are in control of organisations that affect our everyday lives. Wouldn’t be such an issue if they were educated with common sense, but as the blog http://www.insidetheenvironmentagency.co.uk, they are morally corrupt and intellectually challenged!

  78. 78
    Pro-EU Somerset MP says:

    Floods are deliberate policy, apparently – all the way back to the EU:-



Seen Elsewhere

Stuart Broad Right, Peston Broadly Wrong | Ryan Bourne
The 38 Seats in England Yet to Select a Tory Candidate | ConHome
Labour and Green Ecofascism | Matthew Walsh
Burnham Shows Why Labour Can’t Be Trusted | Speccie
Why Online Voting is a Crap Idea | Ballot Box
Time We Showed Super Rich Some Love | Alice Thomson
We Need True Popular Capitalism | Maurice Saatchi
Labour’s Winning Hand | Sebastian Shakespeare
We Defend Labour’s Record | John Hutton and Alan Milburn
100 Tories to Rebel on Plain Packs | Telegraph
May 2015 and the Art of Political Betting | MAY2015

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Alan Milburn says Labour’s scaremongering campaign for an unreformed NHS will not win election…

“It would be a fatal mistake, in my view, for Labour to go into this election looking as though it is the party that would better resource the National Health Service but not necessarily put its foot to the floor when it comes to reforming. Look, reforms are not easy, but the Labour Party is not a conservative party. It should be about moving things forward not preserving them in aspic. You have got a pale imitation actually of the 1992 general election campaign, and maybe it will have the same outcome. I don’t know.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers