February 1st, 2014

Saturday Seven Up


106 Comments

  1. 1
    Denis MacShane says:

    I’m free !

    • 3

      You are joking, not yet surely.

      • 35
        Vicky Pryce says:

        I’m no common criminal. I wrote a book about common criminals to prove to everyone that I am not a common criminal.

        • 70
          East India Company Wallah says:

          How common of you

          • US v GB says:

            The US Davis Cup Captain (Jim Courier) made a string of mistakes. The venue, the team pick, the dress code and the court surface. But the biggest mistake was taking a bathroom break in the fourth set. That was when he should have been giving a hand and support to his number 1 player.
            The USLTA should tell him to piss off.

    • 12
      EUHATER says:

      Was he ever in a real cell, I doubt it !

    • 32
      Constance Briscoe says:

      So am I.

      Crabs anyone?

    • 34
      Chris Huhne says:

      I done nothing wrong. I didn’t deserve prison.

      • 60
        Pimp my Politician says:

        I’ve got a one-legged, transgendered dwarf available today. Of any interest?

      • 94
        Mike Handy(tiny)cock with a peg leg on says:

        I have never been in prison, although compared to those who have, I have done much much worse. I fiddled my MP’s expenses and just had to pay them back, I paid my wife Jacqui £20,000 a year as an ‘occasional case worker’ although she never did any case work as she is totally uneducated and cannot even spell, and never paid the money back. I have been on the Council for Europe for years where I have been shagging young girls, particularly on trip to eastern Europe at tax payer’s expense, and contributed nothing whatsoever to the debate, as like my wife, I am also totally uneducated. I run planning rackets in Portsmouth for my boys to launder their money – they are all big time drug dealers you know, and have been for years, for backhanders and political donations. As for sexually molesting women, I have been doing it for years, that is why I went in to politics in the first place. Now, some of you may be asking why I am not in prison? Well it comes down to the Lodge; in Portsmouth, I, my boys, senior police officers, senior council officers and a few Councillor cronies are all in the same Lodge, that is why I am still in post and running the rackets. Now you know. Boaz.

        • 95
          Grand Master, Grand Lodge, Great Queen Street says:

          Jahbulon Handy, don’t forget to tell your boys I want a villa in Spain just like the one they bought for you.

    • 37
      EU Criminals says:

      Why wasn’t MacShane sent to do his time in a Polish Prison and Pryce in a Greek prison?

      Not that they do the prison time they were sentenced to anyway.

    • 39
      Even Libertarians grow old says:

      Why is Guido on Facebook, the Zimmer frame of the internet?

      • 54
        Malcom Muggeridge says:

        Now that he has been released will we be able to go up to him and tell him face to face what we think of his theft?

        I think not.

      • 103
        bk7t6 says:

        It’s so that GCHQ can track his readers easier.

  2. 2

    Politics is nothing without abuse.

    • 9
      12 million (and some) down : The Wrong Miliband says:

      Watch out for a brick through your window, wrapped in my policy document.

  3. 4
    Socialists says:

    High life of Bob, the lobster-red baron: With his members set to bring misery to commuters this week, rail union boss Crow escapes to sip cocktails in Rio sunshine

    • 6
      Micro windmills may soon recharge your mobile phone says:

      Show me a picture of Bob Crowe smiling and I’ll show you a unicorn riding a bicycle.

  4. 5
    Jimmy Savile says:

    Today has found me feeling a little stiff.

    
    

    Damn !
    Now everyone will know that I’m a LibDem.

  5. 7
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    I’ll get me coat ©

  6. 8
  7. 10
    Still on hols well into February down under, 30 degrees C. says:

    What a shithole the UK looks from 12000 miles away. This place has sorted the muzzle boat immigrants by pulling the twats back in unsinkable boats, cost £500m, which they get to keep. No boats coming in now. Strong government from Abbott, a real man of the people.

    • 16
      M­a­­q­bo­­ul says:

      So there’s flotillas of old junks coming out from Indonesia and Sri Lanka to get themselves a nice shiny trade-ins from the daft Ozzies.

      • 19
        Still down under says:

        No, it’s afghans and pakis mainly. The boats are unsinkable tiny hulks that can be used for nothing but it stops the twats trying to sink themselves in Oz waters. Suggest the EU orders some for Malta and Italy.

        Total boat immys Jan 2014…….nil.

      • 93
        FFS says:

        It’s a hell of a lot cheaper than having the fuckers sponge off your social security for generations.

  8. 11
    Squeaker Bercow says:

    David Cameron is turning into KIng Canute.

    • 15
      Casual Observer 6 says:

      When you lead from behind you get knifed in the front.

    • 67
      Tory right wings "cunning plan" to ensure that they are never again in power says:

      Simon Heffer comes up with a novel idea…Cameron to resign on behalf of Coalition and allow Miliband to be PM for 15 months and show how much Labour would fuck up the economy.

      One or two problems there Simon…1)It would launch an immediate Tory leadership contest 2) No guarantee that Tory Party would win and 3)Once Labour got their hands on power again they would ensure they stayed there this time and would “bribe” the LibDems by offering quick bill on AV and lowering voting age to 16 thus ensuring that Labour will always be in government therefater

      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/columnists/article-2549859/Why-Some-Tory-MPs-want-Red-Ed-PM.html

      • 87
        EUHATER says:

        I thought we already had a Labour Government .

      • 91
        John Bellingham says:

        Any good pollsters out there? Wouldn’t AV provide a dominant UKIP/Conservative majority?

      • 99
        a UKIP supporter says:

        The new ban on smoking in cars being pushed though by Labour shows how pointless voting Tory has become. It’s bad enough that last place LibDems have half the cabinet but now the opposition are making the laws it really doesn’t matter anymore who gets in.

  9. 13
    prat fat Crowe, geezer from brazil says:

    I’ll twat any tossers who think they can nick my piña colada, I love me appy hour cock tails. You lot can fuck off.

  10. 14
    Casual Observer 6 says:

    Hollande’s and his government of teats – even by French standards – have royally screwed up France.

    He is now seeking to blame UK media – an indirect political attack seeing as the UK press is government run these days.

    Why is the UK in a union with those utter bastards in France ?

    And then there is S’pain…

    • 18
      M­a­­q­bo­­ul says:

      Hollande should demand sovereignty over the Channel Islands. Similar strategy took the heat off that old bat in Argentina for a while.

      • 21
        Casual Observer 6 says:

        Would expect him to do a S’pain there.

        Outright claiming sovereignty could cause problems with other governments who perceive a precedent being set.

      • 24
        François Gérard (soon to be on his bike) says:

        Excellent idea !
        I might not win the Tour de France but I always fancied a yellow Jersey.

  11. 20
    Still down under says:

    No, it’s afgha’ns and pa’kistanis mainly. The boats are unsinkable tiny hulks that can be used for nothing else but it stops the twats trying to sink themselves in Oz waters. Suggest the EU orders some for M’alta and It’aly.

    Total boat immys Jan 2014…….nil.

    Reply

  12. 25
    Ab dull from Mor'occo says:

    You are not wrong brother.

  13. 27
    Ab dull from Mor'occo says:

    We think la belle France needs less hollandaise and more muzzle breeders.

  14. 29
    Ceuta, Melilla, Islas Alhucemas, Islas Chafarinas, Peñón de Vélez de la Gomera etc says:

    We love the Euro!

  15. 33
    UKIP first and last says:

    Cameron praises his friend Hollande for his economic reforms, Hollande pours cold water on Camerons hopes of treaty renegotiations. Cameron is in the process of handing control of our military to France with a military cooperation treaty that favours the French, next step handing effective control of our nuclear forces to France.

    Its a question of give and take, the frogs take and the British do all the giving, its a good job we have got a strong leader fighting our corner isnt it?

    • 36
      EUHATER says:

      Cameron’s tongue was firmly implanted right up Hollande’s arsehole !

      • 42
        Casual Observer 6 says:

        Cameron is a cowardly and treasonous little piece of shit who should be dispatched at the earliest opportunity.

        Ideally shortly after the upcoming Euro elections.

    • 50
      kmc says:

      “Its a question of give and take, the frogs take and the British do all the giving”

      That sums up our relationship with the EU as a whole, really.

  16. 38
    Nigel Farage says:

    I am smoked Kipper.

  17. 40
    Ah! 'm a headless chicken says:

    How many boiled eggs this morning Your Highness?

    • 46
      His Royal Highness says:

      I’ll have Kippers this morning Albert.

      • 72
        Village Idiot says:

        ……Ah!…kippers,hot buttered toast,marmalade and strong tea….ummm!.,
        …..Anyway,how is it going on the banks of the “Mississippi”….I mean, “The Parret,Tone, Cavey and Brue?
        Is Somerset alive with the sound of “Dixieland Music”….I mean, “The Wurzels”…oo..arr?
        …..How are those Great Ditches,Sedgemoor and Athelney,or the rhines,after all the years of neglect?..Not good for cotton picking,i mean, agriculture….Still, the creoles know what they are doing,pity they speak French…..I feel a little confused,perhaps a little waterlogged…….(subtle comparison)

    • 47
      Françoise Hollande says:

      …and will he give Camilla one?

  18. 43
    Françoise Hollande says:

    Why
    Am I
    So Small?

  19. 51
    David Cameron says:

    This weekend I am learning needlework so that I can stitch up Kippers.

  20. 52
    Françoise Hollande says:

    I’ve joined our local am dram society, it’s so nice to meet fellow morning whisky drinkers.

  21. 53
    Ah! About time. says:

    Crime
    NHS staff told to report female genital mutilation.

    Extradite Cat!

    • 56
      Killer Bercow says:

      I was the bit that was left.

      *innocent face*

    • 58
      Malcom Muggeridge says:

      So if someone chops my bollocks off that doesn’t matter then ?

      Is this really the measure of this Government that is such a financial burden on us all.

    • 89
      EUHATER says:

      Why are the government concerned about how the muslims treat their own young girls ,they sure as hell weren’t concerned how they treated ours !

  22. 57
  23. 62
    Ah! what do you expect? says:

    Boy, six, suspended from school for four days after he was found to have a packet of Mini Cheddars in his lunchbox.

    Emulating Beckham no doubt

    • 63
      Genghiz the kahn says:

      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2549618/Boy-six-suspended-school-four-days-packet-Mini-Cheddars-lunchbox.html

      Am surprised he hasn’t been holding up a sign with his number on it.

      • 68
        First Server; Second Server !! says:

        In my day the schools didn’t give a monkey’s what you ate especially judging by some of the slop they served up for school dinners and anyone who went to school in the 60′s can never forget that gristly so called “Dutch Roast” or the “Hungarian Goulash” that resembled diarrhea or “semolina pudding and raisins” which kids called “vomit and rabbit droppings”!!

        • 81
          Hard hearted Anna the dinner lady from Hell says:

          …..and those wonderful innards innocently described as “sweetbreads”. It always used to make me feel sick just looking at it and I had to forgo my lunch and stand in the naughty corner until lunch was over for refusing to go anywhere near it.

      • 83
        Anonymous says:

        The school is “special measures” FFS! The staff have a lot more to worry about than a packet of cheese biscuits.

    • 66
      kmc says:

      Aha! That’s how you get to take the kids on holiday during term-time without incurring a £1,000 fine! Just put a packet of mini cheddars in little Johnnie’s packed lunch and voila!

      • 71
      • 82
        Hard hearted Anna the dinner lady from Hell says:

        Why has the idiot teacher who made this decision not been sacked and pension withdrawn? Would it have been ok if little Johnny had had a spliff or two in his lunchbox instead of a bit of cheese?

    • 85
      EUHATER says:

      The ones to blame in cases like this are the parents , if they had told all the statist interfering busybodies where to get off in the first place they would never have become so emboldened.

  24. 64
    The Labour Party says:

    Our 350m members will decide the vote. Pаkistan is fully affiliated.

  25. 69
    What's going on at the Torygraph? says:

    Anyone noticing how the Torygraph is having less and less stories with comments open these days?

    Also they seem very reluctant to report on the Handcock affair and the recent events in the Lords. As for the trouble in the Ukraine, virtually every story about it strangely has no comments.

    I think all the MSM and the political class would dearly love to go back to a pre-internet age press. An age where opinions could be dictated from on high, and no discussion from the general public published, apart from a few hand picked and carefully edited letters.

  26. 79
    Killer Bercow says:

    Wanna see my gash?

  27. 90
    Anonymous says:

    All this crap about reforming the unions,Labour will win the next election because of the millions relying on tax credits,benefits and other associated state handouts.In the end it will be the IMF who eventually sort out public spending in this country but it will be too late.You only have to look at America and the numbers sucking on the teat of American taxpayers,why do you think Obama was elected? and that it is unlikely we will get anothe Republican in the White House in my time,unless of course he is a dark skinned,hispanic speaking libertarian you will be better off trying to find Lord Lucan.

  28. 101
    Ab dull from Mor'occo says:

    We will very much like to be in eu clubby. My cousins and fellow religious fanatically in other hot sun afrika Hunt ries say same. Our many wives and are like your lord bath waivelets so we have many children then to be baling to get bennies.


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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)


Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”



orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?


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