January 31st, 2014

Probably Not at the Helm


  1. 1
    Anonymong says:

    Toby or not to be.

  2. 2
    Emily Thornberry says:

    I was appalling on last night’s Question Time. I fucked up royally. I mean, even the audience was laughing at me! How did that happen?!

    I’m going to console myself with some cream cakes.

  3. 3
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Who is Toby Helm?

  4. 4
    M Gove says:

    I was misheard on a phone conversation. I was saying “Toby’s a helmet”.

  5. 5
    What they ALL had her? says:

  6. 6
    E w a n m e says:

    reports that ken clarke & teresa may are being sent to somerset to act as “human shields” to protect the local greggs bakery have been confirmed by sky news.

    dave is in control & taking action. boy george has pledged £23.70 to act as a buffer. lord chris of finsbury was unavailable for comment. dining at nobu with martina navratilova.

    E w a x

  7. 7
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    Why are those people in Sellafied doing Press Releases ?

    Has someone died ? Has someone gone home without locking up ? Is there a problem ?

    On top of that that nice president Hollande is coming today. Having been struck by lightning once on his travels he is beginning to make Mr Brown look lucky.

    They are of course both Socialists.

  8. 8
    Yvonne from the Colliers Arms Clydach says:

    I have an auntie who lives in Workington which is close to that Windscale place.

    One day she woke up and all her hair had fallen out. So she went down to her local NHS Drop In Centre and saw Dr Schettino who told her not to worry and go home and have a nice cup of tea.

    Her hair still hasn’t grown back.

  9. 9
    Everyone says:

    No idea.

  10. 10
    Gordon Brown's shed says:

    Today .. I are mostly … combining tizer and special brew in the match pot mixing section of B&Q.

  11. 11
    What a load of Bulmers! says:

    On the cider early today?

  12. 12
    Hereford Cow says:

    Another error: Robert Goodwill is not a Lib Dem – he’s Tory MP for Scarborough, but listed as Lib Dem undersec at transport.

  13. 13
    Rupert Murdoch says:

    How to hoax a hacker: The ‘honeypot passwords’ that could keep your online account safe

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2549094/How-hoax-hacker-The-honeypot-passwords-online-account-safe.html#ixzz2ry8yax66
    Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

  14. 14
    Greggs love her says:

    Back to the DVLA head of filing old tax disks for you Emily. A poor example of an MP even by labour’s lamentably low standards.

  15. 15
    Tom King from Bridgwater says:

    Whilst I think Ken Clarke might be able to hold things together in one of the local hostelries I do not think it is a smart move sending Mrs May; the average Somerset Leveller up to his ankles in mud does not take too kindly to false protestations of sympathy from women wearing crocodile skinned shoes.

  16. 16
    Sexpert says:

    Studying how to have sex fit a fatty.

  17. 17
    Hereford Cow says:

    ..and a third error, Susan Kramer, definitely a Lib Dem, is listed as a Tory.

    I do hope nobody is paying this lobbying firm much…..but there’s an amazingly large number of naive and frankly dim businessmen who probably are…

  18. 18
    Ah! sole says:

    Raffaele Sollecito caught trying to leave Italy.

    New depths of stupidity.

    Would you hang round waiting?

  19. 19
    Still on hols down under, yes into February says:

    Spades, MPs, tossers central…..

    If no one has the cojones including Edward then the whole parliament thing is a waste of time, money and space. FFS if you can’t deal with the uman rites of murderers etc without becoming all EU and squeamish and wanting to be nice all the time then just fuck off and let’s have a Vladimar.

  20. 20
  21. 21
    P l e b says:

    Send Pickles in lieu of one of those one-tonne ballast bags.

  22. 22
    Sir William Wayde says:

    What is the noun of assembly for spads? A splatter? A sucking-up? An infestation?

  23. 23
    A You-Jizz Poll says:

    87.5% of those guy are virgins.

  24. 24
    Alan Clark says:


  25. 25
    Alan Clark says:


  26. 26
    Rip Van Winkle says:


  27. 27
    Handycock says:

    A harem

  28. 28
    A photograph of says:

    17 stupid people.

  29. 29
    Ah! sole says:

    Looks like a cold tin roof.

  30. 30
    M­a­­q­bo­­ul says:


    Take 30 seconds out of your busy luvvie schedule to change your fucking default PIN number that’s how.

  31. 31
    M­a­­q­bo­­ul says:

    He should have worn a burqa.

  32. 32
    Mrs Winkle says:

    You seem to talk a lot in your sleep.

  33. 33
    Ah! know says:

    A Queue.

  34. 34
    Sod the houses being flooded we need to protect our wetlands for birds says:

    I suspect that until 4 days ago most of the Westminster crowd including ministers and environment agency had never heard of the “Somerset Levels”

  35. 35
    Fucking sexual psychopath bitch says:

    Amanda Knox should be executed. Evil c-unt.

  36. 36
    Still on hols down under, yes into February says:

    Solicitoe picked up hopping out to Slovenia.

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    Toby a pilgrim

  38. 38
    Ah! don't get upset says:

    ‘Twas only a game.

  39. 39
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    A corpse.

  40. 40
    Guilty as charged, m'lud says:

    Where’s he gonna run to ? The USA won’t allow him in as he’s got a “criminal record” and everywhere else will extradite him. Perhaps he believed the guff that Amanda and the US press were feeding him ? Still he can be happy in the knowledge as he serves his 24 years that he “took the fall” for “Foxy” and that they will not meet as she is very unlikely to be visiting Italy or anywhere else outside of USA ever again and it’s a political hot-potato for Kerry to authorize extradition as most americans are convinced she’s innocent of all crimes and if she WAS involved that Sollecito was the leading light NOT her

  41. 41
    kmc says:

    Pile. As in ‘a pile of crap’.

  42. 42
    Twitter ye not freqoently to maximise your ' Followers' says:

    D. Lama

  43. 43
    kmc says:

    If only Knox had thought of that as her defence.

    “Yes, your honour, I stabbed her to death, but only because we got bored of playing Twister”.

  44. 44
    Skull and Bones says:

    America was founded by criminals as a haven for criminals.

  45. 45
    David Cameron's gut says:

    A bordello ?

  46. 46
    The nepotistic inner circle says:

    Someone’s relative

  47. 47
    Bible Teachings says:

    ……It’s still raining! Drugs,Bums and Apps!

  48. 48
    Pub Landlord says:

    No, I am not giving him a bar tab

  49. 49
    The public says:

    They are all the same

  50. 50
    The public says:

    They are still all the same

  51. 51
    BBC Newsnight / Guardian joint productions says:

    Oh no she shouldn’t.

    She’s a gentle misunderstood sole, as our chat with her, last night showed. Shame on you and shame on the British tabloids for being beastly to her.

    We socialists are nicer and more intelligent people than you righties. Soooo intelligent in fact, that we know, irrespective of what 25 Italian judges say, she is innocent

  52. 52
    Village Idiot says:

    …..Oooo, Scrumpy at the monkey house,Defford; 1970,happy days but,can’t remember it!
    ………..(I gave up alcohol in 1987)

  53. 53
    One-term Dave (dragging the Tories to their grave) says:

    Well, I was going to level Somerset, bury it under concrete and stuff it full of houses for all the spiffing immigrants I’m letting into Britain. But, dash it, all this bally rain has put paid to that plan for now, what what.

    Mind you, so long as the immigrants are reasonably good swimmers or can float on their backs for extended periods of time, they should manage alright in future floods.


    Tally ho!

  54. 54
    Judge Dreadful says:

    27 judges

  55. 55
    45tg says:

    So was Israel.

  56. 56
    Rhenish Helm says:

    Wooden shingles actually.

    The only Rhenish helm left in the country. Not a lot of people know that.

  57. 57
    Village Idiot says:

    …..I knew a “Hereford Cow”, once!

  58. 58
    What a load of Bulmers! says:

    Don’t worry, E w a n m e took up all your share and more around that time.

  59. 59
    Mitch says:

    She does appear to have psycopathic traits, but we don’t really know, obviously.

  60. 60
    Ermentrude says:

    I was just relaxing

  61. 61
    P l e b says:

    Hey – my granddad was stationmaster at Defford. And he was fond of his cider!

  62. 62
    altruism in industry says:

    Maybe it’s a sign that the Isles of Avalon have returned perhaps a true Kng will rise up and rid the land of thieves, Charlatans and Johnny Foreigner

  63. 63
    altruism in industry says:


  64. 64
    Pschye the Dog says:

    Who is Toby Helme? Geedes are you aiming for him now,there is terrible fight when bitches fall out

  65. 65
    22points says:

    She won’t go back ‘willingfully’

  66. 66
    non taxable pikey says:

    I always thought there was something fishy about her.

  67. 67
    Dave Camperon PM says:

    I hope you 87 MPs who tried to embarrass me yesterday realise I have put an NP ( no promotion ) next to your names.

  68. 68

    Just read your link to the Philip Collins article on Cameron in the Times. The man really is a clever fool, isn’t he? A man who knows everything and understands nothing, not unlike his mate Milliband.

    I guess he doesn’t read this but, just in case, IT’S THE ECONOMY, STUPID!

    He still won’t get it, though.

    No hope for Britain if people keep on thinking like him.

  69. 69
    non taxable pikey says:

    King Nigel has an interesting ring to it.

  70. 70
    Anonymous says:

    Criminals and the Police come from the same family.

  71. 71
    Anonymous says:

    We have put a NFC next to yours mate. No Fucking Chance, pack yer bags now.

  72. 72
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Emily Thornberry on QT last night showed us what labour is all about.
    Hypocritical, talk over everybody, clueless, no ability to make a decision, hopeless.

  73. 73
    No to Westminister Village says:

    Its good fox hunting country and still well supported.

  74. 74
    ZeroWasteEurope says:

    A cluster-fuck

  75. 75
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    After Ed Balls announced that labour would increase the 45p tax rate to 50p. Ummuna then said that the 50p rate would be temporary.
    Does this mean that labour will increase the 50p rate even further.
    So what is labour’s position? Have labour ruled out a further increase?

  76. 76
    Banker by trade says:

    Marcus Goldman

  77. 77
    Lord Rennard says:

    An opportunity

  78. 78
    Anonymous says:

    WHO is at the HELM in the unfolding NUCLEAR muck



  79. 79
    Emily Fivebellies says:

    Yeah but, no but……

  80. 80
    C.O.Jones says:

    The Labour Party are a bunch of scammers. Any party that bribes pensioners in an election year only should be seen for what they are.

    50% = theft.

  81. 81
    A question of save our telly says:

    If 16 of the stupid people could keep 17th, the one in the suite, occupied and off our telly I would say they are serving us well.
    Tesco’s would be welcome to sponsor with their sell-by-date goodies.

  82. 82
    Anonymong says:

    “We socialists are nicer…”

    Pol Pot

    Lovely chaps the pair of ‘em.


  83. 83
    45tg says:

    Oh no,another DM QUOTING MONG.

  84. 84
    altruism in industry says:

    of the 2 accused one of them tries to fit up somebody else and the other legs it

  85. 85
    Fly on the wall says:

    America NEVER extradites its own citizens ever. With them it is one way traffic (inward) only. If you ask ever so nicely, they just might agree to a retrial (or some form of paper review) somewhere in the goood ol’ US of A — but don’t bet the farm on it.

  86. 86
    Centre parting says:

    Serves her right for watching QT on the telly the night before.

  87. 87
    Fly on the wall says:

    He should have thought of that a few weeks ago, dozy twat; and to travel anywhere without his burqa – well, that is just asking to be caught.

    By the way has Arnie been caught and deported yet?

  88. 88
    Jack Ketch says:

    She has the kind of demeanour that would make wife-beaters of us all.

  89. 89
    Westminster Bubble says:

    Chief Whip’s SPAD – wrong

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