January 30th, 2014

Chukapedia Gives the Game Away

Chuka Umunna has been telling today’s Lobby lunch how he is not quite a socialist, letting slip that he would rather be called a “democratic socialist”. A phrase he is keen on it seems. The pseudonym famously used by “one of his campaign team” to edit his own Wikipedia page was “Socialdemocrat”.

Delicate flower Chuka has been cryptically moaning to his audience about “certain right-wing blogs who don’t even want to hear my voice”. Not true at all, Guido wants to hear him squeal like a little piggy…


  1. 1
    Dave says:

    I’m a social Democrat too.

  2. 2
    Peter Grimes says:

    Please someone stick him so that he does squeal like the little piggy he is!

  3. 3
    Dave says:

    I’m on at the mo admitting that the National Security Committee “looks at Climate change and rising sea levels “

  4. 4
    Lucretia Burger says:

    Who’s my pretty little piccaninny then? Coochy Coo!

  5. 5
    Anon says:

    Chuckus Yer Money – he epitomises the self-regarding, talent-free prats in the H of C with whom we are now so infested. Is the mirror his best friend, or merely his right hand?

  6. 6
    Jmf says:

    Good old Malteser head, he is comedy gold.

  7. 7
    Dave says:

    Now answering Qs about Snowden.

  8. 8
    Tin foil top hat says:

    Thought Labour were Nationalsozialisten?

    Vote Labour.

    Arbeit macht frei.

  9. 9
    FFS says:

    Why? Has he been on holiday in Wales?

  10. 10
    Boris says:

    GRINNING piccaninny

  11. 11

    May I open my eyes yet?

  12. 12
    Alex the Poorer says:

    yes, let that little ngulube squeal, squeal, squeal, all the way to the potjie pot

  13. 13
    Madasafish says:

    He’s not a Socialist : he’s a millionaire.

    Ooops Sorry Mr Blair…

  14. 14
    Hilda Berger says:

    But he does have an exceedingly large clock ;)

  15. 15

    Umunna is a Socialist Demoncrat.

  16. 16

    No, that is just a minute hand.

  17. 17
    FFS says:

    They no longer believe that work makes you free. They have realised that unlimited bennies make you free as a bird.

  18. 18

    Fuck me….. another story bout this smug, worthless wankstain

    He peddles shite to get elected by scroungers, and folk whose first language aint English,,, innit

    Roll on the election,, we needs juicy shit on dis blog

  19. 19
    maggiegravedancer says:

    Take a look at yourselves, do you even belong in todays Britain, most of you are throwbacks to the 1800’s, I cant believe you get away with this!

    Then again knowing mr (shit)staines background re hang mandela and other Tory youth stupidity its probably him writing half these posts, he never has had the courage of his convictions.

  20. 20
    Chris Huhne says:

    I’m coming back you know!

  21. 21
    Chuka says:

    I’ll be whatever you want me to be,non descript,all things to all men..oh and women,not forgetting gay lesbians and transsexuals of course.(Don’t tell the Muslims I said that).
    Ideology? yes I got a B- in the subject I think.

  22. 22
    Lord Stansted says:

    But is it a waveceptor?


  23. 23
    Ah! whats the point says:

    In a dark box?

  24. 24
    any old crap says:

    Just listening to some guy John Mcdonnell yapping about keeping immigrants in custody the more interesting bit is the guy in the background who is textingcan only see hands a blue tie and a pot belly

  25. 25
  26. 26
    Dave says:

    WFT is that Gong going off every 5 minutes?

  27. 27
    White Dee says:

    OOh the thought of his smooth ebony skin rubbing up against my pimply pink body makes me want to have a fag.

  28. 28
    Chuka ( you can call me Harrison ) Urmunneyaround says:

  29. 29
    Cwispy pants Bwyant says:

    You called ?

  30. 30
    Casual Observer 6 says:

    On the immigration bill, isn’t this being voted against because a foreign government which is not voting on it has said that it is illegal ?

  31. 31
    Prof Hawkins says:

    Chuka has mass but no substance,more a gas than a solid in my opinion.

  32. 32
    Wait - what! says:

    Who is this man other than somebody that looks ill at ease with himself.

  33. 33
    Common Purpose says:

    Don’t ask, don’t tell

  34. 34
    15 minutes is enough Stop being greedy says:

    Democratic socialist could mean letting somebody else represent being a MP today, another tomorrow, another the next day. You have had your lot. Then seeking the limelight. Well there’s plenty of wannabees waiting their turn. Just disappear when a camera appears. Stop being greedy.

  35. 35
    Wait - what! says:

    A bit like an eggy fart then?

  36. 36

    When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, Way hay!

  37. 37
    M15 says:

    Just keep humming

  38. 38
    The EEC says:

    Voting. I remember that.

    Long, long time ago….

  39. 39
    Village Idiot says:

    …..You are not free if you are limited in life by disability,e.g. wounded soldiers,industrial accidents,drunk drivers etc….Life on bennies not so attractive!

  40. 40
    CERN says:

    Dark matter ?

  41. 41
    Grodno Brown says:

    Give me a minute and I’ll remember…. er…. erm…

  42. 42
    Anonymous says:

    Can’t you go back to your first ambition of becoming a Radio One DJ

  43. 43
    Prof Hawkins says:

    Yes,certainly in comparison to the gas giant Abbott which has it’s own moon called ‘Portillo’ which cannot escape Abbotts gravitational pull being so close together on the sofa.

  44. 44
    Tony Blair says:

    There is a queue you know…

  45. 45
    Adolph Hister says:

    I’m not really a socialist – I’d rather be called a National Socialist.

  46. 46
    Fly on the wall says:

    There was also a woman in a blue dress sitting behind Dave at PMQs yesterday paying not the slightest attention to the proceedings as she was so engrossed in her phone.

    Why do we pay these people?

  47. 47
    Dr Spock says:


    Do you like BBWs as well Boris?

    You are beginning to get a bit too much methinks

  48. 48
    Fly on the wall says:

    Didn’t you read the last thread about D notices? If we tell you that we will have to kill you!

  49. 49
    Jasmin Amelia Beckett aged 3 and a big-big-bit says:

    I don’t like gongs. They should all be deaded. So there. Pout.

  50. 50
    Prof Hawkins says:

    No dark matter has a great influence on bodies Chuka it’s quite the opposite. Bodies influence him.Unions the BBC etc

  51. 51
    It's all a matter of assize, as the judge said says:

    Er, how can something that is ‘minute’ be ‘exceedingly big’?

  52. 52
    Winking Jick Dromey says:

    I just love my phone.

  53. 53
    Senior Partner City Law Firm says:

    Chuka is very social elitist

    He is one of us you know

    We imposters rule London nowadays

    Just look at all our aumni

    They are coining it everywhere covering up generalised fraud in the banks, BBC, Press and Parliament, organising industrial scale tax dodging, threatening all and sundry for Russian oligarchs and other rich scum –

    All in the name of the Rule of Law

    But rather too eliti

  54. 54
    Labour arn't good enough for me says:

    There’s “Its my party and i’ll cry if i want to”
    I want my own party

  55. 55
  56. 56

    When it is second-hand?

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    born to reign or superior?

  58. 58
    Arnie Graf, spinner extraordinaire says:


    It’s a third leg

    To go with my Third Way

  59. 59
    Polly Toynbee says:

    Chuka Umunna … just saying his name makes me cream my undies. Imagine what I’d do if he WAS PRIME MINISTER!

  60. 60
    Empty Ed says:

    Chuka is my tame thardine…

  61. 61
    Mr Potato Head2 says:

    He is not a democrat and he is not a socialist (he voted against more equality in boundary sizes). He is a career politician, like Dave and most other Liblabcons, and believes only in himself.

  62. 62
    Dods' Companion says:

    If Chuka is a delicate flower

    He must be a cousin of Flower Power

    Do they have the same supplier?

    Or hairdresser?

    Or go to the same rehab centre?

  63. 63
    CERN says:

    Anti-Dark Matter ?

    Or global warming ?

  64. 64
    Whiffler says:

    As he’d like everyone to be a Socialist, I commend him to consider National Socialism

  65. 65
    Nick Grunshaw says:

    A democratic socialist?

    Of course, he uses offshore tax dodges to avoid Inheritance Tax and has a second home, sorry villa, on the party island of Ibiza.

    I hear it good authority that if he’s mocked by this blog, he’s hated by many ordinary Labour members.

  66. 66
    Historian says:

    Trained to “fuck people over for money”

    As the Clifford Chance trainee honestly said

  67. 67
    H. Boson says:

    He is usually seen at superior conjunction to the Abbott though the BBC will be doing something about that I’m sure.
    This will not last however as owing to the mass of the Abbott, Portillo appears to orbit within the Roche radius and is therefore subject to tidal forces of said Abbott and therefore doomed.

  68. 68
    One Nation Socialism says:

    Are they the ones who let you choose where you’re executed?

    Gallows, gas chamber, Genickschussanlage..

  69. 69
    White Dee says:

    Kid?…..child allowance?

  70. 70
    Hi Chuka! says:

    Hi Chuka…

    …we know you’re reading. You’re so vain you cannot not read.

  71. 71
    Historian says:

    Nouveau riche millionaires and gigolos go the Labour route

    Old money, sex fiends and tax avoiders remain Tory

  72. 72
    Jon Snow says:

    I’ve had thoughts about you Polly.

  73. 73
    Seriously, listen to Chuka... says:

    There is rumor that Saint Chuka took time out of his busy political / charitable / philanphropic life to reach out and connect with all people. He had a reversible sex change to identify with the transgender mutants folks, several gay relationships with both men and women, and a few hetero ones as well both as a man and a woman. Chuka also had elective experimental surgery to show solidarity with the NHS in order to become white for a day so as he could experience full diversity.

    Word is that Chuka has plans to learn juggling, how to play the piano, drum, all that other difficult stuff that nice Mr Balls likes to do, and get elected leader and supreme master of the Universe – but that latter point may just be one of Owen Jones’s fabrications.

    Seriously – I listened to Chuka and it changed my life, in many positive ways. Chuka is in tune with the cost of living he has even helped me save money on my Labour party membership fee.

  74. 74
    Dave never had a plot, apart from cash says:

    We need some wallflowers you know

    To give the impression that we loive wimmin rather than just shagging them

    Did you see Guido’s associate Penny Mordaunt wet herself when I notices her yesterday?

  75. 75
    Prof Hawkins says:

    I agree.Portillo to be consumed in a ‘grey hole’ which Abbott no doubt posses by now.

  76. 76
    Gooey Blob says:

    I don’t believe Chuka for one minute. If he were a social democrat he would not be at ease with the lurch to the medium-hard left under Miliband.

    So prove it Chuka! Resign from the front bench to speak out for a more Blairite agenda. Then, when Miliband loses heavily in 2020 you can stand for the leadership and get elected. Come on, show us that you’re really centre-left, not self-centred!

  77. 77
    Caligula says:

    This government is a fucking shambles

    Didided, corrupted and powerless

    Can’t someone put them out of their misery?

    It’s not even funny any more

  78. 78
    Raving Loon says:

    What’s the difference between a socialist and a democratic socialist. Is he implying socialists don’t support democracy?

  79. 79
    The Labour Party says:

    We call it One Nation Socialism now.

  80. 80
    Little Johnny Bercow says:

    If you eliminated MPs who use tax fiddles and offshore trusts

    I don’t think there would be many people left on either side of the House

  81. 81
    Gooey Blob says:

    Oops, I meant to say 2015, not 2020. There’s no way Miliband will still be leader by the end of next year…

  82. 82
    Really need a Chuka moments montage with this in the background... says:

  83. 83
    The Labour Party says:

    If you think this shower of shit are bad, just wait ’til we get back in!

    We’re Ed’s New Generation. We don’t think the last generation made a big enough mess.

  84. 84
    The Conservative Party says:

    We are all social democrats and actually prefer reading the Guardian if we are really honest.

  85. 85
    Newsnight says:

    Paxman:Are you a socialist a democratic socialist or a social democrat?


  86. 86
    H. Boson says:

    Yes, a very sad and tragic end.
    The effect on the great Brillo cloud is still under discussion however it is suspected that once the Portillo is no more, the Abbott will too, go to the wall.

  87. 87
    nell says:

    These labour front benchers are an odd lot. There’s chuckusyamoney shaking his head from left to right and bullyballs constantly nodding like that dog that sells insurance. You could almost make a dance out of it.

  88. 88
    Ed Millimong says:

    I’m more of a marxist myself

  89. 89
    LibLabCon says:

    We just voted 251 – 97 against an amendment which would have prevented convicted foreign criminals using the right to family life to stay in Britain. And you are still considering voting for us.

  90. 90
    Newsnight says:

    How would you describe yourself Chuka left of centre? or self centred?

  91. 91
    LibLabCon says:

    241 not 251. But still.

  92. 92
    Kenneth Clarke says:

    What’s all this I hear about Chuka being a bummer? If there’s one thing I cannot stand, it’s closeted homosexuals.

  93. 93
    Anonymous says:

    It’s fair to say, there are more similarities in policy between the LibLabCon, than there are differences.

    But that is no suprise when 75% of laws are influenced or set by the European Union.

    With only 25% of policy remaining with which to differentiate betweem the parties it stands to reason there are going to be closer together than they are apart.

    A cosy social democracy if you like.

  94. 94
    Tom Watson says:

    I’ve forgotten how to do it entirely. Now remind me, am I for or against FOBTs and which way do I go?

  95. 95
    Alex Salmon says:

    I believe in socialism.
    And I also believe very strongly in national identity.

    I’m a national socialist.

  96. 96
    Simon 'gay hater' Hughes says:

    Quite right too, ducky!

  97. 97
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    Sex is like sugar, evil and bad for you, I will make it illegal.

  98. 98
    Liberals says:

    Yes! victory for the wettest pants party!

  99. 99
    Uncle Joe says:

    Trot and needs to be shot

  100. 100
    Never piss of a Russkie! says:

  101. 101
    Uncle Joe says:

    You know my views on Social Democrats.

  102. 102
    Common Man says:

    Which leaves the Lib Dems with no money as deviant sexual harassment deniers, enviro loons, tax avoiders, UK hating quislings and all round sandal wearing beardy weirdy’s..

  103. 103
    Hugh Janus says:

    Not a fan, then?

  104. 104
    We are the losers says:

    Not long before we get our turn to vote, hopefully the list of the MPs who voted against it will be put up on the blogs and twatter and people can see not to vote for

  105. 105
    Black Dee says:

    Listen bredgerin, him’s a bounty bar don’t cha know

  106. 106
    Viscount Rothermere, Daily Mail says:

    I liked the National Socialists.

  107. 107
    FFS says:

    Suicide is bad for you too. Kills 6000 people a year. Make that illegal Dave.

    Oh, it already is…..

  108. 108
    Common Man says:

    Immigration to Labour is like gerrymandering to Tories.

  109. 109
  110. 110
    Niall Eastick-Tendencies says:

    McDonnell is a typical Labour little red rat.
    McDonnell uses pathetic words such as bigot to try to stop voters moving to UKIP while his union, RMT, is anti EU and anti free movement of EU workers in to the UK.
    Two faced hypocrite.

  111. 111
    Anonymous says:

    He also believes in the European Union and destroying the UK’s sovereignty.

  112. 112
    Jack Dromey-Harperson says:

    It’s not his head I’m interested in; not the one on top of his neck, anyway.

  113. 113
    The Milliband's Accountant (Specialising in Inheritance Tax Avoidance) says:

    …not necessarily…

  114. 114
    Common Man says:

    Labour, for hard working benefit claiming families.

  115. 115
    Am-Jimjams Chumbley says:

    Ha-ha. Can’t deport me for terrorism.
    Thanks Lib Dems – you infidel benders.
    We shall make sure your death is less painful. Hanging but not stoning, ok?

  116. 116
    john in cheshire says:

    Commie bastards always trying to change the definition of words and phrases to confuse ordinary, normal people into believing they, the commies, are something they are not.

  117. 117
    Blowing Whistles says:

    You would say that woudn’t you – being a cosseted one,

  118. 118
    Ed Millyband says:

    I agree, I used a “Deed of Variation” to reduce by Inheritance Tax liability

  119. 119
    Establishment lackeys says:

    While we allow foreign criminals to run around, you’ll be too scared to leave your homes.
    It’s another way to manage you.

  120. 120
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Does chukka not realise that he is in fact a ‘token’ placeman?

    Is it now in the UK – a 1989 a la east germany collapsing moment – when the crooks atop the whole system just cannot lie anymore?

  121. 121
    Village Idiot says:

    ……A life on bennies is not much freedom when you are disabled,through industrial injury,wounded as a soldier,crippled by a drunk driver or the unfortunate recipient of medical negligence!…..Life must be extremely limiting and offer little in the way of “Freedom”…..just persecution,pain and poverty!!

  122. 122
    Jon Snow says:

    It is about competence note policy.that’s the real difference .

  123. 123
    Tom Watson says:

    Not all will be there in another two years. Miliband will go down with the ship in 2015 and being associated with a second successive defeat ought to be curtains for Balls’ front-bench career. The experienced Johnson saw the writing on the wall long ago and jumped ship. Others may follow.

    How many lifeboats are left?

  124. 124
    Sunderland is a Labour ghetto thats why its shyte. says:

    Chukka is above al a Bounty Bar Socialist!

  125. 125
    True say says:

    Labour and immigration gogether like Mussies and terro ists.

  126. 126
    True say says:

    Labour and immigration go together like Mussies and terro ists

  127. 127
    Universal Hiss says:

    Lucky time Alex.


  128. 128
    name withheld says:

    Uncle Joe, we also know the end results of your policies

  129. 129

    Chukka’s worn out his mirror. He currently has nothing look into when checking his self-inflicted love bites. Check his expense claims and see if he claims for a new mirror.

  130. 130
    Nemesis says:

    Social Democrat? Is that what Blair, Mandelson and others of their ilk are?

  131. 131
    Ricki's Uncle Bob says:

    I’d like to hear his voice…. saying “I’m resigning from Parliament, as I would like to spend more time with other peoples money.”


  132. 132
    Grand Wizard Wallace says:

    I don’t like politicians and I fucking hate d’arkies. This shiny skinned um bongo boy ticks all my boxes.

  133. 133
    Self Employed says:

    You’d choke on it Jack! Let Harperson strap one on and let her & Chucky spit roast you !!

  134. 134
    Bluto says:

    Social democracy is the new communism. Pink is now red in tooth and claw but still pretending not to be.

  135. 135
    vile labour ruined my wife says:

    you are properly scared of him aren’t you Guido, you see him as a real future threat.

    or you love him. one of the two.

  136. 136
    Godfrey Bloom. says:

    The right honourable member for Ibiza will not lower himself to the level of debate on show above. So foxtrot oscar all of you.

  137. 137
    Ailurophile says:

    The bit I find most extraordinary is that his maternal grandfather was Sir Helenus Milmo, a prosecutor at Nuremberg!

  138. 138
    Anonymous says:

    Oh Chuckie what have you done now?

  139. 139
    Chucka likes to sucka.... says:

    Chuks had a bf called Gordy in college, wonder if he still bats for the other side?

  140. 140
    Chucka likes to sucka.... says:

    Chuka likes to chase the fecal matter

  141. 141
    Glad I emigrated 25 years ago says:

    Shirley Williams comes home to roost.

    The country really actually IS completely fcuked.

  142. 142
    Glad I emigrated 25 years ago says:

    Give us a clue! Does it involve jumping off the roof of the JP Morgan building?

  143. 143
    Glad I emigrated 25 years ago says:

    In other words a totally complete and utter cvnt. Not a lot of people know that.

  144. 144
    Glad I emigrated 25 years ago says:

    Good questions, but why exactly does the baldicoot need a hairdresser? A French polisher would be of more use, shirley?

  145. 145
    Glad I emigrated 25 years ago says:

    … or just a freeloading worthless layabout?

  146. 146
    An oilman says:

    But nodding donkeys are useful… unlike 99% of the Opposition front bench collection.

  147. 147
    An MoP becoming more and more angry.... says:

    Don’t fuckin count on it pal. You would be wise to ponder your own personal security arrangements while you still have the time.

  148. 148
    A view from Streatham Common purpose office says:

    No idea, but one thing is abundantly clear and that is that his “brain” is very soft-centred, not to say completely mushy.

  149. 149
    lojolondon says:

    Nice article, Guido, make Chuka squeal!

    I once met a nice American lady who said “I am a fiscally-aware Democrat”. I burst out laughing, and to be fair, she chuckled too…

  150. 150
    Postal Votes are Labour Loo Paper says:

    Chuka makes me chuck up. Slimeball.

  151. 151
    do you like gladiator movies? says:

    “Guido wants to hear him squeal like a little piggy”

    Too much information!

  152. 152
    Anna Daptor says:


    Still a creepy, narcissistic lightweight.

    At least he’s consistent!

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