January 29th, 2014

Guru Joshing: Arnie Graf Hits PMQs

Dave resisted temptation to stick the boot into Arnie Graf at PMQs today, though Alec Shelbrooke’s question was amusing nonetheless. Labour are trying to kick back at the story with references to Lynton Crosby’s status. Awkwardly that line doesn’t hold much water, Crosby is one guru who definitely does have a visa

Thanks as ever to @liarpoliticians for the footage.


  1. 1
    Back to Basics says:

    Fuck it

    Vote UKIP

    They don’t piss about being managed by Foreign PR Gurus.

  2. 2
    Sir William Wayde says:

    …..and a mastercard.

  3. 3
    Syrian Refugees are the new Political Black Cat says:

  4. 4
    Crisp Ackham says:

    1) has Graf got a valid visa to work?
    2) is he registered for NI?
    3) is Labour a rogue employer?

  5. 5
    UKIP won't ever form a UK Government so don't waste your vote in 2015 says:

    That’s right they’ve just got Nigel and without him they’re pretty much fucked

  6. 6
    Casual Observer 6 says:

    Crosby may want to consider options for libel for Labour’s attempted slurs. That was done successfully down in A’ustralia when the left overstepped the line.

    Cameron perhaps right to not comment, whilst the investigation is ongoing.

    Graf, who has been working illegally in the UK, should be deported.

    As he is a non-EU national, with no family here or fear of persecution in his country of origin, there should be no problem with that.

    He could continue his tenure with Labour remotely if they cannot source equivalently skilled individuals from the UK labor market.

    It might be worth have a fuller check on the non-UK folk that Labour have recruited just to ensure that all visa paperwork is in order and to double check that the recruitment process was in fact free and fair, and that those individuals are here as they have skills which are not available in the UK labor market.

  7. 7
    Wankers says:

    Any MP who votes to allow refugees into the UK should lead by example and move a few into their own house.

  8. 8
  9. 9
    JMF says:

    Ed is most probably thinking if only he would have chosen Yvette over Justine he would have the best of both worlds

  10. 10
    Liebored says:

    Lisa Nandy asked a “it’s all Fachaz folt” question today. Satire is dead.

  11. 11
    Arnie says:

    I’ll be back

  12. 12
    UKIP Made in Britain says:

    Weak, Weak, Weak.

    The Tories can’t win without an Australian advisor and Labour are reliant on a Yankers spinner.

    Buy British

  13. 13
    Cameron's Blackadder reference at PMQs today says:

  14. 14
    Jon Snow says:

    I’d have ‘em both.

  15. 15
    Sally Bercow says:

    On my back.

  16. 16
    Patricia, Baroness Scotland of Asthal says:

    I have advised my colleagues in the Labour Party that they have nothing to fear.

  17. 17
    Tom Mullett says:

    Guru Josh? But what is his key philosophy? A freak like him just needs infinity! *base kicks in

  18. 18
    The Public says:

    Crosby may well have a visa, but he shouldn’t have. Whoever gave him one should be sacked.

    British jobs for British workers.

  19. 19
    The Public says:

    This is nonsense. We have spent hundreds of millions making sure these people are safe where they are.

  20. 20
    Baroness Scotland says:

    Don’t ask me

  21. 21
    Arnie says:

    Hasta la visa

  22. 22
    White rabbit says:

    Who’s that bloke next to Dave ?

  23. 23
    Our MPs have let us down again. says:

    Bringing in refuges is just political tokenism and pointless as far as satisfying humanitarian needs.

    Our MPs are now in a race to outbid each other in the numbers of deserving causes they can import.

    And it will not be temporary, in Britain a refugee is not just for the war but for life. They also ignore that all refuges will have families and over time all those family members will migrate to Britain probably in the ratio of 1 refuge = 50 immigrants.

    It would be far more cost effective and practical and fairer to Britain to pay for the refuges to be housed and cared for in Turkey. In temporary accommodation, ready to return to Syria when hostilities cease.

    But common sense and logic has gone out of the Westminster window and there is the race to bring to Britain as many as possible on a one way ticket.


  24. 24
    Diego Garcia says:

    How is the fake ‘dameship’ going? Bringing in any more lucrative contracts?

  25. 25
    Gordon Brown's shed says:

    Today.. I are mostly … social networking.

  26. 26
    Sir William Wayde says:

    I’ve never met Mr Graf, but I did once enjoy a knock-up with his sister Steffi.

  27. 27
    I listen to Gaydio in my new BMW says:

    Was his job advertised in Romania and Bulgaria?

  28. 28
    Jon Snow says:

    Are you available for an interview

  29. 29
  30. 30
    nell says:

    It would be a great disservice to the tories if mrgraf was sent on his way – since taking up his post he has helped labour’s poll lead to fall to 1 and 2 points. Imagine what he could achieve for the tories by continuing to work as a labour spinner until 2015.

    Indeed if he manages to bring labour to a sad end in 2015 , as taxpayers , we may wish the state to given a handsome bonus for saving us from the economic ravages of aniother labour government.

  31. 31
    White rabbit says:

    Tribal doltish question got a whiny muling answer. Dave should have walked all over a thicky question like that. I’m starting to think Dave is a bit thick himself.

  32. 32
    M­a­­q­bo­­ul says:

    It will satisfy the humanitarian needs of those they are bringing in. I’m sure you and your family would rather be here than on some bare Turkish hillside in a tent.

  33. 33
    M­a­­q­bo­­ul says:

    “try’s” to score


  34. 34
    I listen to Gaydio in my new BMW says:

    You should have heard that fuckwit Ming Campbell of R4 this morning arguing the humanitarian case to take in as many as possible. It was gut churning to listen to.

    That fucking c’unt won’t have to live anywhere near them or pay for them.

    Mind you, this country is now FUBAR’d perhaps I’m being a little over sensitive about this.

  35. 35
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    The cost for the 500 Syrian refugees can be met by the BBC.
    Better to take 500 dispossessed than to let them make a second series of that Musketeers shite.

  36. 36
    I listen to Gaydio in my new BMW says:

    How many will you be housing?

  37. 37
    Graf Von Hindenburg says:

    Who is this person?

  38. 38
    Anonymous says:

    If the Devil should cast his net !

  39. 39
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Who is Guru Joshing?.

  40. 40
    cep says:

    Upcoming 6 Nations on his mind..?

  41. 41
    The office of Sarah and Gordoom McBrown {overseas} says:

    I’m available. You sexy socked monkey!

  42. 42
    I listen to Gaydio in my new BMW says:

    Nicola Blackwood

  43. 43
    Táxpáyér says:

    Much more important story!


    EU court of “justice” is a farce.

  44. 44
    Ming the Mirthless says:

  45. 45
    Táxpáyér says:

    Has he heard?

    There are things called CHARITIES for that sort of thing.

  46. 46
    The Labour Party says:

    We are confident that by repeating the phrase “cost of living crisis” every 2 minutes for the next 16 months, we will achieve victory in the next General Election, whereupon Ed Balls can embark upon his plan – and he’s made this quite clear – to make things much worse than they were when we were kicked out in 2010.

    What could possibly go wrong?

  47. 47
    Táxpáyér says:

    >Our MPs are now in a race to outbid each other in the numbers of deserving causes they can import

    1/ Our?!?

    2/ Are the citizens who are extorted to pay for this not a more deserving cause?

  48. 48
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Too late, you pompous prat – he already has.

    …and I’d much rather Nige’s moral compass than a LibDum’s.

  49. 49
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    I am a Private Eye cartoon.

  50. 50
    It's bound to happen.. says:

    So long as they don’t end up bringing their civil war with them.

  51. 51
    William Webb-Ellis says:

    Certainly wasn’t a “try,” in any event, as she failed to score ANY points off that play.

  52. 52
    Lard Everard says:

  53. 53
    A Liberal says:

    If they are living in a tent, that is due to a decision by the Turkish authorities, who could easily have allowed them to live in one of the many hotels which dot their nation’s coastline

  54. 54
    Mr A (discount before 7pm) says:

    … what’s the problem?… send in big border guys.. smash door down.. everyone produce passports, right to stay and work visa and sh*t, no visa – arrest and deport f*cking fast. £10k fine a pop. No problem – seen it on the tele – worked for my mate – “it’s the right thing to do” (c.f. Ms. Cooper)…

  55. 55
    Academic Hogwash Watch says:

    No kidding, Sherlock.

    How much did you get paid to work that?

  56. 56
    Jon Snow says:

    I wouldn’t give her one.

  57. 57
    Our MPs have let us down again. says:

    Who said Tent or Hillside?

  58. 58
    cep says:

    Libdems don’t have a moral compass.

    They throw a decapitated chicken onto a wheel of mis-fortune for their ideas.

  59. 59
    Peyton Manning, no relation to "Chelsea" Manning, says:

    Figures– if Ed’s New England Patriots aren’t in the Super Bowl, he could give less than zero of a shit.

    And T May can fuck right off with Yankee Go Home.

  60. 60
    The Monkees says:

    Here we come,
    down Benefits street.
    We get the funniest looks from
    Ev’ry one we meet.

    Hey, hey, we are Monkees
    And people say we monkey around.
    But we’re too busy stealin’
    And puttin’ the rich down.

    We’re just tryin’ to be friendly,
    Come and watch us tax and spray,
    We’re the Oneashion generation,
    And we’ve got something to say……” cost of living crisis..”

  61. 61
    key voter graphic for new-old labour says:

    He’s an intern so nothing.

  62. 62
    Democracy Now says:

    Do you and your party believe in constituencies of equal size, One Man One Vote?


    Don’t lecture about moral compasses when you are happy perptrating electoral fraud on the British people.

  63. 63
    Mad Frankie Maude says:

    I thought Ed destroyed Dave and the Tory scum at PMQ’s, its time the Tories said sorry for the way they treated the Trade Unions.

  64. 64
    Nick L O'Dion says:

    Don’t be daft..it’s Angie Bray.

  65. 65
    Academic Hogwash Watch says:

    Ah, son of a millionaire. Being at the LSE, he’ll be mates with some foreign torturer paying for his lecturers to write his essays for him.

  66. 66
    ████ 'changed my tune ' Hoon says:


  67. 67
    ktygu6 says:

    Graf is a chosen one, they don’t need visas in Untermensch countries.

  68. 68
    The hunt is on for Tristram says:

    Haven’t they arrested this person yet and put him on a plane out of the country ,

    Thats how to treat nasty aliens.

  69. 69
    Ming Campbell`s colostomy bag says:

    You probably have done.

  70. 70
    Nick L O'Dion says:

  71. 71
    John Bellingham says:

    Only 500 refugees–308 Labour MPs, that’s less than two each to be put up in their second or third homes. With a bit of reorganisation that could probably just replace the Polish cleaner, the Brazilian gardener and the Portugese Au Pair.

  72. 72
    Slyman Huge, Senior Cockroach says:

    Where was Calamity Clegg today ?

  73. 73
  74. 74
    A voter says:

    Lord Rennard,Mark Oaten,David Laws,Charles Kennedy….
    We don’t need lectures on morals from Limp Dums.

  75. 75
    Who he joshing? says:

  76. 76
    Guru Josh says:

    In previous EM crises, there wasn’t a Fed tapering unknown and a collapsing US trade deficit.

  77. 77
    The British Public says:

    Deport the pair of them.

    There is no need for these parasites in our public life.

  78. 78
    Listen closely. The female MP near Browne comments on Labour MPs laughing says:

  79. 79
    Jack Ketch says:

    On what basis did Mr Mandelsohn obtain a visa and then residency for his Brazilian dance instructor? Did Lord M. give him some kind of job?

  80. 80
    Fairs Fare says:

    Roache ‘always a perfect gentleman’
    Coronation Street actor William Roache was “always a perfect gentleman”, his on-screen wife tells a court.

    He always said ” Please” and “Thank you ” and gave them bus money.

  81. 81
    Stones and glass houses says:

    Tax affairs of the Mirror are even more interesting.

  82. 82
    Sheep Shagger says:

    Most sheep usually get the hint when I leave a cab number and a few bob on the bedside table.

  83. 83
    Anonymous says:

    To be fair i think they are capable of ruining any chances of being elected in 2015 without help from any outside influence !

  84. 84
    Jasmin Amelia says:

    I cried when I read those lyrics. I want all songwriters dead.

  85. 85
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Doesn’t exactly fill me with any great expectations from the 650 (not that I had any anyway), oops sorry Dave, was forgetting you, it’s only 649 that are morally wrong.

  86. 86
    A Ship's Lawyer says:

    How many Maltese bank accounts belonging to UK taxpayers are HMRC aware of ?

    Is the average tax amount paid by these account holders higher or lower than the average and if so by how much ?

  87. 87
    An indignant little man in a crash helmet says:

    Being polite and doing nothing in front of Deidre sounds a sensible policy to me when you are on a six figure salary.

  88. 88
    Blowing Donkey Whistles says:

    “The Brazilian Gardener?”

    Is that what Mandlebum calls his Special Aid in Charge of Packing Fudge?

  89. 89
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    Eleventy nine ?

  90. 90
    BBC catch up service (trying to catch up with every bugger else) says:

    BBC drama is shit compared to what the yanks are putting out.

  91. 91
    Ah! say says:

    I’d rather have a cost-of-living-crisis, than a cost-of-Labour-crisis.

  92. 92
    The British Public says:

    Lynton Crosby should fuck off back to where he came from

  93. 93
    Fly on the wall says:

    A couple of weeks ago the Saudis rounded up and deported over 1000 illegals and all in less than 7 days. Perhaps Dave could import a Saudi adviser to assist. No doubt Theresa will allow the visa in half the normal time.

  94. 94
    A boring Yorkshire dullard says:

    I used to dream of living in tent…

  95. 95
    Big Ears says:

    Hardly. I can’t even hear a ripple of laughter. I think you are clutching at straws.

  96. 96
    HRMC says:

    God, that one’s a malteser.

  97. 97
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Feeling sheepish.

  98. 98
    The BBC never says:

  99. 99
    Fly on the wall says:

    Sounds a bit like Swedish justice which over two weeks ago imprisoned so far without trial a Malaysian family (hubby is Director for Malaysian Tourism) for disciplining a rowdy kiddie. There is no bail system in Sweden so they will have to rot in jail until the bewigged ones in the Swedish judiciary get off their backsides and do something to process the case. Still, none of our business I suppose and the Malaysian Govt does not seem to be particularly exercised about it.

    So if you are going to Sweden for your hols this year, remember you are not even allowed to shout at your kids for rampaging in the local supermarkets or up and down the aisles of the aircraft.

  100. 100
    Anonymong says:

    The Labour Party backbenchers and spinners are akin to the sheep of Animal Farm bleating “four legs good, two legs bad”.

    I await the inevitable change to “four legs good, two legs better”.

    Fecking charlatans the lot of ‘em.

  101. 101
    Mr Potato Head2 says:

    The Mirror, with a history of phone hacking, talking about morals. Haha!

  102. 102
    Anonymong says:

    Yes, a rim job.

    Mmmm you are spoiling us Mr EU commissioner! These chocolate starfish are sublime.

  103. 103
    Mr Potato Head2 says:

    We are still living with the fall-out from the nuclear cost-of-Labour’s-recession crisis.

  104. 104
    Fish says:

    …and Mr Harrison to replace Chucky Umunna as Shadowy Business Secretary.

  105. 105
    HMRC says:

    We could investigate but that would make the Maltese cross

  106. 106
    Fly on the wall says:

    Perhaps Theresa’s cunning plan is to move them all to Scotland. Now there’s a thought! Lots of empty spaces in the Highlands.

  107. 107
    Anonymous says:

    You wouldnt have any experience of this, but i think Dave is trying to be civilised.

  108. 108
    Ah! hem says:

    Isn’t the Court a non-person?

  109. 109
    Fly on the wall says:

    You must have been trained in Jedda!

  110. 110
    Fly on the wall says:

    St Bernard “dogging’ in the Alps?

  111. 111
    non taxable pikey says:

    Recently in Mr Ducnan’s constituency a police check led to the arrest and detention of 4 illegal Tunisian waiters and one illegal Indian shop assistant. The latter was given bail! Leicester, famed for its ethnic diversity is 19 miles away. They appear to have misplaced him….

  112. 112
    Welsh expert says:

    Sheep – great shags, but a long way round to kiss’em!

  113. 113
    JH394823984392 says:

    Or the Scandinavians.

    Sherlock is not quite as good as it thinks it is.

    The problem with the BBC is that they all think they are so fucking archly clever, and can make an audience lap up their lefty-tainted shite by sheer force of sanctimony.

    Where is our Boardwalk Empire? Breaking Bad? Mad Men?

    Stop giving money to tedious, boring arseholes like Rufus Hound and spend it on proper drama instead of inane talent shows.

  114. 114
    Tom Pepper. says:

    I’m a Lib Dem so fuck morals along with anything else that’s available.

  115. 115
    A Lib Dem says:

    I’d have ‘em both and Ed as well.

  116. 116

    My goodness, the commons really is a shady atmosphere!

  117. 117
    Biffo says:

    I’m sure it would help him relax permanently if he had a slip knot rope round his neck & flung over a high tree branch,with a couple of strong men holding on to the end of it. Bet he’s popular at work.

  118. 118
    FLETCH says:

    Don’t like the way he’s letching at her arse,

    methinks both Balls’ jobs might be under threat

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