January 27th, 2014

SKETCH: There’s Been a 40% Reduction in Knife Crime Statistics

It was Home Office questions.

“What can be done about the appalling knife crime statistics?” you ask. It’s already been done. There’s been a 40 per cent reduction in knife crime statistics. And not just in the British Crime Survey but in NHS knife wound records. What does this mean? The NHS has poached its statisticians from the police. A triumph of best practice.

Andrew Bridgen said that Leicestershire police got less money per head than Northumbria police but had achieved a greater fall in crime figures than that northern wasteland of blackmailing, dog-fighting cage-warriors.

Jim Cunningham asked for the crime figures for the West Midlands but the minister didn’t have them to hand. Make them up, man! Don’t wait for someone to make them up for you. “There will be a 28 per cent fall in the violent crime figures in each of the next three quarters running up to the election.”

We were then told that “bus-related crime in Lewisham had fallen 14 per cent”. What an unimaginative statistic. Surely they can do better than that?

Jack Dromey struck a cautionary note talking of the “insult added to injury” for victims of crimes of violence when criminals got off cock-free. I think I heard that right.

Sczyvvyrn (pronounced Chevawn) McDonagh gave another puff to her campaign: the Bobby Tax. It’s like the Bedroom Tax in one regard – it’s not a tax.

Hopeful recruits pay £1,000 to take a test to get their Certificate of Knowledge in Policing, and then apply for a position without any guarantee of a job. It does sound scandalous but it’s a charge, a fee – totally unrelated to the Spare Room Subsidy (itself a misnomer).

What else? Did I hear Keith Vaz suggesting a Home Affairs sub committee set itself up at Luton airport on a permanent basis to send a message to the Daily Mail. I don’t think I did, in point of fact, but the point holds.

It seems 366 British citizens have gone to Syria to fight there – for whom we don’t know. Restrictions were demanded. What, even for the Christians? Or the Syrian People’s Secular Front?

Here’s a thought experiment. Would we have sought to track down and confine Brits who went to fight in the Spanish civil war? If not, what’s the difference in principle?

In ancilliary news: Yvette Cooper looks recovered from her slump. She will be taking credit for getting a hundred or so of Syrian children into this country as refugees. And people say politicians have no heart. Shame on you!

And finally, Peter Bone (he still gets the Speaker-treatment when his name called). He pointed out the 30 pages of New Clauses and the 50 Government amendments to the Immigration Bill in Report on Thursday.

Mrs May said the amendments were mainly technical, and there wouldn’t be more time allocated because that might mean they’d get to Nigel Mills’ deeply embarrassing amendment which might mean we’d have to leave the EU.

I don’t think she did put it quite in those words but her meaning was clear.


  1. 1
    Anonymous says:

    good old Leicester what a wonderful city now over run with our new friends from all over the world.

    • 6
      Ahh says:


      Now we live in a wonderful Socialist multicultural paradise (as promised by the BBC and all Right-on people) crime is falling every day.

      Perhaps because our new guests live in their own communities, speak their own language, don’t involve our courts, police or services, and don’t integrate.

      How lucky we are to have completely alien communities in our country that don’t involve themselves without culture.

      Bosnia here we come!

      • 10
        Taxpayer says:

        colonies, not communities. all subsidised by the host.

        • 157
          Fuck you PPE cunts like Miliband, Cameron and Clegg...I will kill you all by suicide bombing you fuc says:

          I’ve just told my kids don’t study difficult subjects like Maths, Physics, Chemistry, Biology at A level…just take the easy route and become a Daily Mirror, DT, The Sun Reporter route and “earn” treble the money you could ever dream of earning by breaking the law and becoming a low life scum in the MSM or politics!

          • FFS says:

            Nah, let them study but tell them to piss of to Australia or the US before they have to pay their tuition fees back and see 50% of their income taken in tax to subsidise burger flippers and car valets from Romania with tax credits so they can have the same lifestyle with a fraction of the effort and training.

      • 160
        Jack the Axe-wielding psycho loony says:

        Ooooo goody! Then we will soon be having our own UK Purge. I bags Westminster area.

        • 254
          Fly on the wall says:

          The “Palestinians” tried to set up their own State in southern Lebanon – and we all know how that turned out, don’t we. Keep your pitchfork by your beside!

    • 22
      Psyche the Dog says:

      They still have to go a very long way to catch Londonistan

      • 39
        Their future is as bleak as their past says:

        It won’t be long till the enrichers reach the critical mass needed for them to realise that they hate each other more than we hate them. Then they can start butchering each other like they have done for thousands of years back in their natural habitats.

        • 172
          FFS says:

          Already happening in Brum I believe.

          Suggest we arm both sides with flame-throwers.

          • comp kid says:

            Posh boy Rufus Hound claimed on Jonathan Ross prog. that he’d grown up watching his new luvvie mate Robert Lindsay in Citizen Smith.
            Citizen Smith ran from 1977-80.Hound wasn’t born until ’79.

          • Their future is as bleak as their past says:

            To be fair in the 80s there were only four channels and they mostly showed repeats.

    • 146
      recess. says:

      A10, Hamilton, Tasmania, Australia…… if all is so wnderful down under why is it a mountain to climb.

      split the surname.
      love both.
      stay.go. when in staines.

    • 233
      see o2 says:

      hi o2.

    • 260
      CYNICAL OLD GIT says:


  2. 2
    Hic! says:

    Just had the misfortune of seeing Anne McIntosh on Channel 4 News. What the fuck is going on with her mouth? But more than that, she has the grim haggard features of an alky.

    • 8
      Sunderland is a Labour ghetto thats why its shyte. says:

      She is about to be deselected by the good folk of Malton.

      • 30
        Psyche the Dog says:

        No the activities of her local Con Ass have not quite been above board or so she says. If it does happen it should form the basis of a good book plus serial rights in a national paper

  3. 3
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    I would like to Frack in Cheddar Gorge and Kew Gardens.

    • 32
      Psyche the Dog says:

      I would like to Frack in Londonistan, Oxfordshire and where your daddy and daddy in law have their estates

  4. 4
    DodgyStatsMan says:

    “There’s been a 40 per cent reduction in knife crime statistics”

    So,its NOT knife crime that has actually reduced its the PLETHORA of statistics about it which has gone down!

  5. 5
    Jimmy says:

    “Would we have sought to track down and confine Brits who went to fight in the Spanish civil war?”


    • 9
      gallery guido says:

      i luve ji.

    • 13
      White rabbit says:

      Vague chance of stopping them at airports only if they come back with RPGs, flak jackets etc, and then they’d have to be unlucky.

      • 16
        Jimmy says:

        As the tories found out in the 30s when they sought to punish those who fought the nazis in Spain, it’s a tough one to enforce.

        • 18
          Bemused says:

          I’d encourage them all to go. Give them the arms and tell them to get on with it. Then I’d side with Assad and tell him its OK if he uses chemical weapons after all…..

          • Jimmy says:

            Pretty much how Chamberlain handled it oddly enough.

          • Sir William Wayde says:

            Did they actually suffer any sanctions if and when they returned home?

          • Jimmy says:

            Nope. The threat was never carried out. Given that by the time they came back they’s been pretty much proved right the Govt would have looked pretty foolish. Well, more foolish.

          • Come on Jimmy!

            One of yours, Jack Jones, Gen Sec of the TGWU, not a wicked Tory, not a perfidious Liberal but out and out Labour, in fact left enough to make you look like a cross between Slater Nazi and Lord Ashcroft, fought in the Spanish Civil War.

            Are you going to dig him up and put him in the dock?

          • Jimmy says:

            You seem not so much to have grasped the wrong end of the stick but a completely different stick entirely.

          • Owen Jones says:

            You can grab my stick, if that intrigues you Jimmy. ** winks **

          • Refer to the Jimmy who posted at 7:32 pm but never mind.

          • FFS says:

            Um Jimmy, you seem to have a rather one-sided view of the Spanish Civil war.

            According to Orwell both sides were as bad as each other. Much the same as in Syria. That’s good enough for me. Of course those that returned from Spain didn’t kill anybody – they infiltrated the British establishment. Orwell shopped them to MI5.

          • Jimmy says:

            I have little direct evidence about the atrocities in the Spanish civil war. I know that some were committed by the Republicans, and far more (they are still continuing) by the Fascists.

          • So from your little direct evidence of the Spanish civil war you can still discern that more atrocities were committed then by the Nationalists.

            I see…

          • Jimmy says:

            Well someone could.

          • Osama the Nazarene says:

            Whatever happened to the real JImmy. He used to come up with amusing one liners this one’s got verbal diarrhoea.

          • M­a­­q­bo­­ul says:

            George Orwell fought in the Spanish Civil War and, on seeing the methods of the Soviet NKVD out there, came back with very different views on Communism. In fact, he felt compelled to write some books about it.

          • Jimmy says:

            The broad truth about the war is simple enough. The Spanish bourgeoisie saw their chance of crushing the labour movement, and took it, aided by the Nazis and by the forces of reaction all over the world. It is doubtful whether more than that will ever be established

    • 62
      Stalinist Russia says:

      Miliband cousins helping out Stalin in Russia. Well not Brits but could refuse all future visas.

    • 120
      Be honest, it's James really isn't it? says:

      As has been mentioned further down, the difference is that the Brits who fought in the Spanish Civil War were unlikely to come back and start butchering their fellow Brits (or conspiring to blow them up). You know, the sort of “Brits” that you let in by the hundreds of thousands, just to rub our noses, etc.

  6. 7
    altruism in industry says:

    Come back to our bosom.
    We are the same once divided by landlords.
    Throw away the chains of Europe.
    Amalgamate our minstrels.
    deploy with us an army of happinessists
    Join with us and negotiate a new United Kingdom outside of the EU.

    • 207
      Not to be trusted says:

      Bollocks to the Republic of Ireland two faced fuckers

      • 235
        altruism in industry says:

        you are not feeling the love, I can see that

        • 240
          altruism in industry says:

          The 2 facedness is a normal reaction when dealing with an enemy.
          Lovers and poets born in Ireland know we English are their brothers in song and mystery and are not enemy, rather pals ( young guns ) for a commonness of being and in affirmation of spiritual ( curses might be real ) stuff

  7. 11
    The British media are cunts says:

    Still not a single mention of Handycock in any of the media. Is it no wonder we don’t trust the scum?

  8. 12
    Mark Duggan says:

    I gave up on knives

  9. 14
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

    Liberal Democrabs – the Party of peedos, poofters and perverts.

    • 41
      Psyche the Dog says:

      A delegation is on its way to your house, be prepared for a visit.

    • 56
      Blowing Whistles says:

      peedos, poofters and perverts – infest all THREE MAJOR POLITICAL PARTIES. How they never get properly ‘convicted’ is because of their masonic links to the other dirty professions the pigstabulary the CPisS pool and them wankers who wear wigs and pretend they are independent. Conspiracy theory or what?

      • 63
        Jack says:

        The British Press is just as bad

      • 69
        Bob says:

        The more Snowden tells us (with proof) of the NSA/GCHQ criminal operations, the more those who think the conspiracies do not exist are looking rather stupid

      • 152
        FFS says:

        You do like to complicate matters don’t you?

        The reason they don’t get convicted is because the koontz in power don’t want to lose the seat they are occupying. It’s bloody obvious that’s the reason why Cleggover is still pretending he has seen and heard nothing.

        Plod has never seen it to be in their best interest career wise to arrest MPs. Unless it is Andrew Mitchell – in his case they have gone to extraordinary lengths to persecute him over a single swear word just because he has spoken of cutting their overtime.

  10. 15
    Momma Dee says:

    U mite actually njoy wats inside.

    • 19
      FFS says:

      Is it a vaginal sponge?

      Because I came across one of those without warning in the throes of passion with a young woman once and it scared the bejesus out of me.

  11. 17
    Jack says:

    Harriet won’t let me have any cock free.

  12. 20
    Sir William Wayde says:

    That is not so much a sketch as a doodle.

  13. 21
    south African living in the UK on an indefinite leave to remain visa says:

    Africa….coming to a neighborhood near you soon.

  14. 24
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    40%, that’s a sharp fall.

    • 42
      Psyche the Dog says:

      Do you think it is rather suspect, wait for the one about “The crime figures have fallen with a much reduced man power.”

    • 44
      IT consultant says:

      They share a computer system with R B S and L loyds

      It is designed to crash randomly to produce “fine tuned’ statistics

  15. 25
    altruism in industry says:

    where would I apply for a grant for an artistic exhibition entitled “2014″ ?
    I envisage the exhibition hall to be quite a large space containing the eviscerated remains off all the members of parliament displayed in some sort of a comedy theatrical tableau to do with bribery and corruption ( I can sort out the specific details later )

  16. 26
    When will the epidemic of Mad Politician Disease be addressed ? says:

    So knife crime is committed by disgruntled cows ?

    It sounds unlikely, but the statistics behave in identical fashion so it must be true.

    • 243
      FFS says:

      They’ve all stabbed each other to death. It’s an evolutionary process rather than a criminal justice process.

  17. 27
    Somerset Level Inhabitant says:

    I bought a house in the Somerset Levels and it’s flooded. It’s the tories fault.

    • 29
      Ed Miliband says:

      Cost of flooding crisis!

    • 43
      Sir William Wayde says:

      Well, it is. The bloody useless Environment Agency is too lazy to dredge the rivers properly, hence the flooding. Of course, the Agency pretend they’re trying to recreate a natural environment for the lesser frilled fribble-moth, but smothering the landscape in stagnant sludge merely creates a stinking wasteland, devoid of wildlife and wretchedly unproductive.

      • 49
        Taxpayer says:

        Good for paddy fields I would have thought

        The Nile delta is very fertile as well

        • 79
          Sir William Wayde says:

          The Nile delta drains naturally, by gravity. In the Levels, the swampy gunk has to be pumped out. This is very expensive and the eutrophied stagnant water kills the wildlife in the rivers. Meanwhile, the farmland is out of action for months and, instead of a nice layer of fertile silt you have a layer of polluted cack.

          Controlled flooding, yes; but flooding because the Environment Agency can’t be arsed to do its job; no. People are suffering.

          • The Environment Agency also drains naturally, by gravity.


          • Think of London and SE says:

            London and the South East are going need all this water come June. Flooding, dirty water, a hell of an inconvenience, don’t waste it.

            Save the water for a sunny day.

          • FFS says:

            It regularly floods on the Levels almost annually. They are below sea level. If you don’t want to experience flooding on a regular basis, don’t live there.

            This was understood, but then you get lots of non-country folk moving into what appears to be an ideal place to retire or have second homes – they realise if they can get the taxpayer to stop the Level floodings their house prices will go up.

            When you get 55 days of rain in a row on an area of land below sea level, exactly where are you going to pump all that water?

        • 126
          Universal Hiss says:

          If you want raw sewage with your rice ……

      • 108
        didley says:

        pay for your own dredging unless you want to give me a cut of your eu grants

        fart in a bottle an stick it up your chimney

    • 46
      Fabians are EVIL says:

      The whole of the somerset levels used to be a marshy sea with lakeside villages and only became dry when drainage was put in. It has never been able to take prolonged rain without reverting to what nature intended. All houses have to be built on ‘rafts’ due to the high water table and soggy peat deposits.

    • 51
      Psyche the Dog says:

      That’s OK Dave is going to do away with those mamby bamby planning planning restrictions, like preferable not to build new houses on flood plains, he wants to build more houses, one little problem insurance rates will be sky high for houses built on flood plains.

      • 58
        Jack says:

        I think they should build skycrapers on the Levels

        Lovely views

        Sell them to the Qataris

        Excellent security -unapproachable

      • 60
        Jack says:



      • 189
        FFS says:

        How many times.

        Go and have a look at the photos of all this flooding. You will see it is OLD houses that are flooded, not new estates full of Barratt homes.

    • 64
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Silt building up in the rivers / no proper dredging – perhaps it was a five year plan like wot Stalin and his mates used to do … but then again – it’s Globall Warmonging innit?

      • 68
        Blowing Whistles says:

        oops sorry I just remembered – Hoon when the shyster was in power was over at transport and i seem to remember him coming up with five year plans for transport – spooky!!!

        • 72
          Bob says:

          His 5 year plan was for “taxis for hire” methinks

        • 92
          Casual Observer 6 says:

          Big difference between Stal!n and Cameron.

          Stal!n was not a mong, and was serious.

          Dave is out on his arse in the not to distant future.

          • The real world says:

            Stalin was a complete mong. It was the creeps and freaks who surrounded him that came up with the serious stuff like mass starvation and purges.

          • FFS says:

            Rubbish. The “terror” was predicted by Marx and Engels as the necessary process that would need to be gone through to re-educate the masses in the new Marxist order. Oppostion to Marxism was considered inevitable, and had to be crushed ruthlessly.

            As Eric Frogspawn pointed out, the deaths of tens of millions of people would have been perfectly OK if it had been justified by hundreds of generations of people living in some Marxist utopia. Only there wasn’t a Marxist utopia, so their deaths were not justified. Awkward.

    • 114
      Leveller says:

      The more interesting Somerset story is the missing council chief exec on £200k not at her desk for weeks, with North Korean news management systems in place

  18. 33
    lojolondon says:

    The ddfference with Brits who fought in the Spanish Civil war is that : Mostly they were patriotic British people, and more importantly, the leftovers didn’t come back and randomly start killing British people.

    • 59
      Psyche the Dog says:

      They also fought Hitler and wanted to have a go at the Nazis unlike the owner of a certain newspaper much read by readers of this blog.

      • 74
        Blowing Whistles says:

        Don’t forget that General Patton – was up for it to carry on past Hitler and bang that bastard Stalin – unfortunately for Patton – some businessmen had some very different business plans and Patton was ‘silenced’.

      • 159
        Anonymous says:

        Plus a whole host of Aristos who favoured Von Ribbentrop’s boss.

      • 201
        FFS says:

        Um they didn’t fight Hitler. They were fighting Franco. They lost. Hitler only bombed Guernica. Of the 500,000 people killed in Spain, only 300 were German.

        • 232
          Malaga says:

          Some 16,000 German citizens fought in the Civil War on the nationalist side, mostly as pilots, (flying the 732 combat aircraft and 110 trainer aircraft Germany sent to Spain), as well as ground crew, artillery men, tank crews, and as military advisers and instructors. The german navy also deployed Deutschland and Admiral Scheer, the light cruiser Köln, four torpedo boats and at leaset 2 U boats to the theatre, with varying degrees of direct involvement.

          Of the approximate 78,500 Italian men sent to Spain by Mussolini, 3,819 were killed and about 12,000 were wounded.

          About 5,000 Germans and Austrians and 3,350 Italians fought on the Rebublican side, mainly as infantry in the International Brigades.

          • FFS says:

            There were a million men involved in the Spanish civil war, so quite frankly, if you were looking for Nazis, you’d have to have been looking very hard. Especially as most of the Nazis were in planes, ships or submarines.

            To suggest that the Brits that went off to fight in the Spanish Civl war were fighting Hitler is silly.

    • 144
      FFS says:

      I don’t know. Running around with guns shooting people that might be innocent civvies is a bit of a rum do. I’m not sure its entirely moral and it does make our travelling footie hooligans look quite civilised by comparison.

      I say we gas all of them.

    • 186
      Jack Ketch says:

      I believe that The Foreign Enlistment Act of 1819 was intended to keep British Officers from making a fortune leading South American armies and its successor, the Act of 1870 was intended to do the same during the Franco-Prussian War. No successful prosecution has ever been made under either of the Acts, either in the Balkan Wars, the Spanish Civil War or when British subjects joined, for instance, the French Foreign Legion. It has been a bit of a political bother at times as certain folks in Whitehall have been delighted that people they can rely on have joined other people’s armies, as with Jordan, Oman, Rhodesia, South Africa and especially freelancer outfits like Mike Hoare, Jack Schramme, Executive Outcomes and Sandline.
      However these were REAL Brits, not relocated camel shaggers who couldn’t be trusted with a catapult.

  19. 36
    Historian says:

    Please explain yvette’s slump

    Is she in depression because of her power crazed “man”?

    • 70

      To be honest, her tits are not that big, so surprised you noticed.

      I apologise to anyone I offend if that sounds sexist when I say her instead of his.

      • 76
        Blowing Whistles says:

        You may have offended i on many occasions – but let’s hope you are not that pitiful twat whose moniker is ‘Eh?’ who has had a reply given to him of yesterdays second blog – where he tried to excuse those who I have batted off when they couldn’t take having lost their arguments.

        n.b. Our civil discussion ought to restart about Thursday this week if you’re around?

        • 84

          Saw him/her and can assure you that is not me. A truce is for observing, in my book and anyway, I never post anything which I would not say to someone’s face in real life.

          Have only been beaten up a few times for this.

          Will look out for you.

      • 89
        George says:

        The other one you refer to is bulging in different parts of the body. May soon need two seats, elastic trousers and his license to drive revoked amongst many things.

        Too many free lunches.

      • 110
        Too many free lunches says:

        Balls has had far too many free lunches. A large chest is not his greatest problem. A need for a double seat, elastic trousers and a future threat of with holding his drive license (type 2 diabetic etc)will become more pressing.

        Who pays for it all?

      • 132
        Universal Hiss says:

        That’s fine.

        I only have social intercourse with men with 10 inch cocks.

        I’m mostly silent with hims.

  20. 37
    Commissionaire of the Met says:

    We leart tractor stats from Gordoom and his juvenile jockstraps Balls and Milliejunior

    They were all cooked of course

    Thuggie Whelan told us it was the right thing to do

    • 80
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Is being told its the right thing to do, a Scottish Rite thingy majig masonic kinda ye ken coded kinda language?

      Fucking masons – fit for no fucking purpose in the 21st Century.

      • 103
        Casual Observer 6 says:

        Marginally better than Common Purpose or the Fabian fucktards.

        At least you know where you stand with the Mason’s.

        • 158

          Even if it has to be on one leg!

          I’ll get me coat…

        • 161
          Blowing Whistles says:

          The CP / fabians are the extreme left – the mason’s are the extreme right. They are what we the people need to wipe out. And fuck me if they’re not both “owned and controlled” by one particular group who are having the biggest fuckin larf at the ignorant sheep. All masons are craven and beholden to their moneymasters.

          btw and with ref to an earlier comment – the msm have their own dirty lodges and pa3dos – but they all hide under maam’s patronage – grow some maam ‘cos the days of doing dupe the masses are FUCKING OVER.

    • 139
      FFS says:

      To be fair I presume there aren’t many people going around under-reporting their knife wounds.

      And thanks to CCTV being everywhere, particularly where there is “enrichment” even you tossers are obliged to arrest someone for knife crime.

  21. 47
    Taxpayer says:

    And ANOTHER 3 BILLION pissed up the wall by R B S

    Wiill it ever end?

    And still no one in jail FFS

    • 53
      Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin ( Member in absentia ) says:

      It was the right thing to do.

    • 71
      Psyche the Dog says:

      The trouble there unfortunately is if you send the miscreants down they have trained their underlings to do the naughties, lose a lot of them leaves no one in the bank HQ. Branches are told what to do, be it right or wrong,

      • 81
        Taxpayer says:

        So UK banks seem to have become self perpetuatihg criminal operations

        And untouchable

        And we continue to pay the bill for these fuckers

        • 138
          FFS says:

          Well they aren’t criminal because there are no laws.

          It’s a bit like entering the Twilight Zone, where total anarchy is allowed to reign. There are no laws. It is the rule of the jungle only. We keep having to stuff money in all the leaks in case whatever is inisde the Twilight Zone of the banks leaks out and contaminates reality.

          Meanwhile, in Iceland, they just let them fail. Everything was fine, but they they had a run on their currency. We can’t risk that in the UK because we rely on imports of food to feed the “enrichment”. 1/3rd of us would starve to death, or we’d have to join the Euro which is an even worse fate like joining the living dead in Call of Duty.

    • 83
      The British media are cunts says:

      Like all things Scottish it just pisses money up the wall.

    • 129
      FFS says:

      Still no actual laws that might conceivably be used to put someone in gaol.

      Imagine if oncologists worked with such reckless abandon. We’d expect to see them in court (eventually….)

    • 137
      Universal Hiss says:

      I have a little money to put in a savings account & have seen the interest rates banks are offering.

      They really are taking the piss.

    • 141
      Another way says:

      Put everyone who works there in prison until they have paid back all the money owed to the taxpayers from their own pockets.

  22. 65

    We should tolerate a maximum of 650 knife crimes in the UK. Beyond that, it is unacceptable.

  23. 67
    altruism in industry says:

    Do you know ?
    I have come to the conclusion that the government is populated by people who are a bit thick.
    How did this come about ?
    I can’t see that there are half a dozen superior brains at the top of the MOD who are running the show else it wouldn’t be such a fuck up.

  24. 77
    Mummy Dee says:

    Come luv me long time on Ch4

    • 87
      Anonymous says:

      Just watch tonight one goes to a food bank. Odds on everything will be fine in filming this with MsBeckett and Owen Jones because it will show the nasty Tories.

      They will forget that food banks started 5 years before labour left office

  25. 82
    The British media are cunts says:

    So RBS is going to cost us another 8 billion. Bring on Scottish independence so Alex Salmod can sort it outl

    • 99
      Scottish history says:

      If Salmod knows his history Scotland will lose its public holiday for Christmas and boxing(?) day.

      What else?

      Banning of washing your hair.
      Permanently dying of skin blue.
      No pants to be worn.

      Hunting with hounds OK
      Canning in school OK
      Actively support Protestants in Ireland and America whatever the struggle.

      • 191
        Universal Hiss says:

        I didn’t know that Christmas holidays were a quite recent(50′s?) part of Scottish bank holidays.

        Brethren & wee frees don’t like holidays.

        I’ve always found it strange in the wilds of Scotland where I stay, that the Christians don’t really celebrate Christmas & Easter.

        They probably have a secret wicker man somewhere.

  26. 91
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Spoiler planted establishment / government story of the day – london is sucking all the best people from elsewhere – ch4 News discusses … the north Manchester, Newcastle, Preston, back to Manchester … and there was me thinking – i bet this story ends with something along the track lines of transport … and of course that if there were better rail links … oh penny starting to drop – yes and its the repushing of HS2 …

    The establishment really are into this problem, reaction, solution – persuasion Bullshit.

    • 100
      Lard Everard says:

      ‘London is sucking all the best people….’.

      Would they like to join the Liberal Democrat party ?

    • 101
      Casual Observer 6 says:

      It’s a Hegelian dialectic you describe.

      The reason the best talent goes to London is because that is the place to be if you want enough money to get a second home far away from the enrichment or the recently created Labour ghetto that you are escaping from.

      HS2 would irritate a lot of these folk as it would bring all of that garbage right back to their doorstep, with a dirty old train line wrecking the vista to boot.

      HS2 is an EU idea, and it is not in the national interest.

      Might be worth considering if Maglev was in the frame.

      The repost is simple: Why would you want to waste £80bn bringing Benefit’s Street 20 mins closer to London ?

      There is no answer to that.

    • 123
      FFS says:

      Exactly. If there really were all these people moving to London where exactly are they living when the city hasn’t expanded for donkey’s years and the city is now 50% ethnic? Everybody’s leaving.

      Absolutely made up crap. Just a couple of months ago the businesses based in Croydon said they couldn’t get enough skilled people to live anywhere near Croydon because of the “enrichment”.

      London is now a 24carat shithole and the people that work there are coming in from places like Reading, Guildford, Southend.

      • 167
        Anonymous says:

        Plus Doncaster, Derby, Southampton, Leicester etc. a couple of years ago I heard they were bussing in supply teachers to the South London Enrichment Zone from Southampton, does it still go on?

      • 177
        Blowing Whistles says:

        The whole subtle ruse / sop is just another pitiful attempt to push HS2 through. Some of the other comments above miss (or deliberately try to distract) the point in saying its an EU diktat – of course it fucking is and the government still try to attempt to make out that they are in charge.

        Of 60 million or so people in the UK – who gave their ‘CONSENT’ to Gordon and or the establishment rickps to sign the Lisbon treaty? – no one did; yet a namby pamby and compliant, pitiful and pathetic craven and silenced msm remain silent about it …

        ‘Informed Consent’ – not consent assumed by frauds, liars, deceivers, dupers, chancers, criminals, pa3dos and cheats – from the top down.

        i removed consent from the government last year to go to war in Syria.

        extra tip for the intellectually challenged – If you are ‘invited’ into court to contest a claim – make it a requirement that the claimant be present in court ‘in person’ otherwise the claim is a fraud. To repeat “in person”

  27. 94
    Benny Fitz-Clements says:
  28. 102
    Bloomers in rain-soaked Bongo Bongo Land says:
  29. 117
    Anonymous says:

    Incredible the benefits st guy goes to a food bank while thy are both smoking like chimneys . These people don’t help themselves FFS and the food bank in effect is just freeing up cash for them to buy more fags

    • 131
      i don't n eed no doctor says:

      The food bank is either going to make them obese, or they will sell the food to buy fags.

  30. 119
    Benny Street says:

    Just tuned into this for the first time. To say White Dee is physically repulsive is understatement of the century.

  31. 121
    altruism in industry says:

    can somebody confirm ? was Churchill wrote Picts would come running up to the Hadrian’s wall and moon at the romans then go running away and hide in the bog and die of pneumonia ?

  32. 122
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    It is said that Ed Miliband’s policies are formulated after watching Benefits Street. Apparently Miliband has offered White Dee a SPAD position.

  33. 128
    Benny Street says:

    One of the residents wants to audition for Britain’s Next Top Model.

    I’m currently having my sides stitched back together.

    • 247
      Their future is as bleak as their past says:

      No room at the top for a used baby momma. Like White Dee her role is to churn out the next generation of targets for police marksmen.

  34. 130
    Benny Street says:

    I can’t get over how disgusting White Dee is. She’s so revoltingly obese, she’s clearly not missing any meals.

  35. 133
    EU Watch says:

    In Belgium, prolific p’aedophile Marc Dutroux sends a letter to the father of one of his victims:

    Claims innocence and that there is a conspiracy at the highest level of Belgian society.

    Incredible, but Belgium is the country in Europe which leads the way with euthanasia against the young – post partum that is.

    • 151
      10 Belgians says:

      Does he count as famous?

      • 176
        Podiceps says:

        Father Abraham, Philippe Albert, Sabine Appelmans, Leo Hendrik Baekeland, Jan de Beers, Peter Benoît, Plastic Bertrand, Jan Blockx, Jan Bucquoy, Cyriel Buysse, Albert Claude, H.Conscience, Jean-Claude van Damme, Jeanine Deckers (‘The Singing Nun’), Pɑul Delvaux, Jaco Van Dormael, Anne Teresa De Keersmaeker, Prudens van Duyse, Georges Eekhoud, James Ensor, César Franck, Pɑul Gilson, Zénobe-Théophile Gramme, Arthur Grumiaux, Father Guido Haazen, Johnny Hallyday, Audrey Hepburn, Corneille Jean François Heymans, Jackie Ickx, Sandra Kim, K.L.Ledeganck, Guillaume Lekeu, Maurice Maeterlinck, René Magritte, Eddie Merckx, Pol de Mont, Joseph-Antoine-Ferdinand Plateau, Lambert Adolphe Quételet, Django Reinhardt, Georges Rémi (‘Hergé’), Étienne-Gaspard Robert, Albrecht Rodenbach, J.T. van Ryswyck, Adolphe Sax, Georges Simenon, Edgar Tinel, Émile Verhaeren, Henri Vieuxtemps, J.F. Willems and Eugène Ysaÿe all say Not bloody likely.

        • 192

          François d’Aguilon (1567–1617)

          • Podiceps says:

            I wasn’t counting people who lived before the foundation of Belgium in 1830.

          • McAdder says:

            You can add to that people like Mercator and the Flemish Masters, although some would argue they were not Belgian as Belgium did not then exist. It always puzzles me why this country is picked on for ” name 10 famous….. Perhaps it has something to do with dislike of a Country by its near neighbours. Taking Countries of similar population, how many people, without reference, could name 10 famous Swedes or Danes or Swiss or Potuguese etc?

          • quiz time says:

            You forgot those two Belgian footballers. One plays for Arsenal – Thomas Somethingorother- and the other (Fellatio of something) has an enormous head of hair.

            Your starter for 10….

        • 200
          Adolph Miliband says:

          You are not exactly household names outside of Belgium, though. Are you?

          • Podiceps says:

            What, not even Jan Bucquoy, film director and curator of Belgium’s National Museum of Underpants?

          • McAdder says:

            I’ve heard of about half of them but surprised Podiceps included Sabine Appelmans and not the far more successful Kim Clijsters and Justine Henin.

          • Podiceps says:

            Thanks. My List of Famous Belgians was getting a bit out of date, that’s all.

        • 261
          (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

          Jaques Brel, Georges Simenon, Herge?

    • 168
      Derry Cocksporn says:

      Is he a LibDem ?

    • 237
      John Bellingham says:

      Funny old thing, I was just looking this case up a couple of hours ago in order to make a smart-alec comment about Lib-Dem’s future in Brussels. It seems the story was never resolved.

  36. 136
    EU Watch says:

    In S’pain today, protests over attempted privatization of state hospitals:

    This idea has apparently been dropped now.

    • 149
      The EU says:

      Well, you can’t blame them. They can just send the bill to the northern Europeans

    • 179
      Statin' the bleedin' obvious says:

      There is am important disitinction between southern European states and northern european states.

      The southern european states are predominantly catholic i.e socialist. Think bigger families…less atomisation of families re northern europe.

      Catholocism = faimilies = southern europe

      Protestism = individuals rights = northern europe

      There is a didtinct biological reason for this/ Northeren europeans place less emphasis on family and mor on work, and in southern europe it is the opposite. These are based on biologically learnt behaviours and has nothing to do with proclivaty for work.

      There is also the J’ewish connection.

      Remember, that Franco was a national socialist. And we all know who the NS upset durint the 1930s and 1940s.

      • 211
        Universal Hiss says:

        or statin more bleedin obvious it’s hot & sunny in southern states.Fewer bits of clothing.More opportunities to procreate.

        It’s the sun.

        Are Catholics socialist? I would have thought they were deeply conservative in outlook.

        I’ll have to think about this more to get a pass in first year PPE from the University of Wolverhampton.

        • 228
          Bernard Madoff says:

          Middle eastern types are also socialist too (see Muslims). Look into the roots of the Ba’ath party re catholicism.

          Guess who had it in for them too?

          Look at the Chicago/Austrian/Frankfurt Schools.

      • 213
        FFS says:

        Exactly. So can they please stop imposing Southern European values on us Northern Europeans?

        And can the Southern Europeans please stop expecting us to subsidise their fucked up life-style? Thei lifestyle makes them poor end-of. Suck it up. Same for the Muzzies.

      • 262
        (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

        The Chinese revere work AND family!

    • 219
      CYNICAL OLD GIT says:

      Do those people really believe that their hospitals will be better in the hands of the state?

      • 242
        Jack Ketch says:

        What was the point of the Inquisition getting rid of the Chews and Muslims and Franco getting rid of the Lefties–if they all grew back again, like mould?

        • 263
          (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

          Even more to the point: why did my father and grandfather fight in two World Wars in order for us to be enriched to extinction and ruled by Foreign Powers?

  37. 143
    EU Watch says:

    Wednesday / Thursday may not be a good day to take a flight anywhere near Europe.

    There is a Europe Wide Air Traffic control strike on.

  38. 162
    Clegg still showing No Leadership says:
  39. 170
    albacore says:

    Well, fancy that, Dave don’t need statistics
    Or rely on soothsayers or mystics
    He simply plucks figures out of the air
    If he were twins, wouldn’t that be a pair?


  40. 181
    One Man One Vote says:

    In 2010, the electorate in Wythenshawe and Sale East was 75,602. They have to great privilege of shortly being able to vote for one MP

    In Na h-Eileanan an Iar in 2010, a mere 21,837 Scots were able to vote for a representative to go to Westminster.

    One Scotish vote is equal to over 3 1/2 English votes in Manchester. That is not fair.

    • 220
      Universal Hiss says:

      Well the UK had an AV vote.

      It was rejected. Was that fair?

      I would like to see a much more balanced system.

      We need boundary change & an end to postal votes.

      • 238
        FFS says:

        I had a leaflet posted through my door that said if I voted for AV it would cost the country a trillion pounds and babies in incubators would die.

        Here it is:-


        They were claiming it would cost £10 to count each vote. Strange really as it is very similar to the methods used to select the London Mayor.

        The Yes to AV campaign was in the lead right up until those leaflets came through people’s doors.

        I want to see a much more balanced system. One vote for every £500 you pay in tax. So I would get about 36 votes and someone on the charity known as bennies wouldn’t get any. That seems much fairer.

        • 245
          Universal Hiss says:

          Bit like the Better Together campaign.

          Everyone in the UK will die if Scotland gains independence.

          It’s very difficult to come to any rational conclusion about nearly anything theses days.

          It’s ironic as we are all bombarded with too much rubbish.It takes time to sort through the shit for the diamonds.It’s worth the effort though.

          I would take exception with your view.I don’t pay income tax at present.I pay lots of other taxes though. How may legions of civil servants would it take to implement your system & at what cost?

  41. 183
    The British media are cunts says:

    Fucking hell, Ed Scrotum s having a mare on Newsnight, even though Paxo is giving him verbal hand relief.

    He really is the Tories secret weapon.

    • 194
  42. 185
    "Angry Birds" Cameron is a security risk says:
  43. 187
    T.V. Guido says:

    Channel 4, 2255: My Daughter the Teenage Nudist

    Channel 257, 2300: George and Mildred (repeat)

    Hmm. *Rolls cigarette and weighs up options*

    • 209
      dailymotion says:

      My Daughter the Teenage Nudist:
      Nipple count 23.75
      Hot 3/10

      George and Mildred (repeat):
      Nipple count 0.0
      Hot -5/10

      Roll some more joints and save electricity.

  44. 188
    Nigel Mirage says:
    • 193
      The Suppression Begins says:

      So, who has scared the life out of Nigel?

      Or was it money?

      • 199
        RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:
        • 230
          JH3948902385932 says:

          Oh dear.

          2012-2013 was a great year for Miliband. He became inexplicably popular and led the polls, despite offering no policy ideas whatsoever.

          It’s now going downhill. Very badly. He hasn’t got a fucking clue what to do with the power he thinks is going to fall into his hands by default, and the electorate are starting to notice. As his exposure grows close to the election, they will notice more and more.

          What a set of twats. How much of a lack of upcoming talent must there be for the next big thing to be Chukka Umunna?

      • 234
        FFS says:

        The fact that they might be in with a chance of actually making some sort of political impact on the national scene. It didn’t matter when they were only putting muppets up to stand as MEPs.

    • 214
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Have any of the ivory tower News Int executives been arrested and indicted yet?

      Suppose the £10M pay offs oops bungs to the ACRB’s will soften any slap on the wrist for a 3 month or so holiday when the “show trial” winds up in a few months.

      Rupe you and your coke snorting son out there?

      Neil Chenoweth – was bought off.

      • 266
        Fly on the wall says:

        … and then we can go through the whole charade again, but with the Mirror group in the dock this time.

        Must pop out for more popcorn while stocks last.

  45. 205
    Man who was jailed for Lying calls PM a Liar says:
  46. 218
    A Grateful Goy says:

    Thank goodness we have so many J’ews looking after us in the UK today.

    Imagine how bad for things for us would be without their intellectuals looking out for us day after day!

  47. 227
    Momma Dee says:

    Oh Benny
    You came and you gave me free money
    They’re trying to take you away
    Oh Benny
    You’ve kept me in beer and ciggies
    And I need them today

  48. 264

    Our focus will be on communication bullshit scenarios. Full implementation of a leading edge Porky Pie mania. Innit?

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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