January 24th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Twigger Edition)


231 Comments

  1. 1
    Handycock-must-go says:

    Hows it hangin?

    Like

  2. 2
    Roy Walker says:

    Prominent Labour politicians photographed in conversation while travelling on the London Underground.

    Like

  3. 3
    Bi Curious says:

    Is this the 2015 to Shit St?

    Like

  4. 4
    Hugh Jend says:

    I fart in your general direction

    Like

  5. 5
    Lord Rennard says:

    Where’s Hancock when you need a friendly face?

    Like

  6. 6
    Keith Dovkants says:

    Rachel, I can only handle twenty six stops, if I fall asleep. Please talk to me . . .

    Like

  7. 7
    Who the hell are they? says:

    The invisible man standing next to two people on the tube.

    Like

    • 55
      Gary Bloke says:

      George Osborne or another minister and one of the Eagle sisters? If only I were more of a political anorak, I’d know.

      Like

  8. 8
    Pedant on duty says:

    “If you don’t stop leaning into me I’ll pull the bloody emergency handle.”

    Like

  9. 9
    Common Man says:

    Listen Rachael, we can do this the easy way or the LibDem way…

    Let’s nip back to the hotel, you give me a blow job and I’ll get you on the select committee.

    Like

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Is that a twig in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me.

    Like

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    Did you know Ed balls is a useless lying bastard?

    Like

  12. 12
    RomaBob.... Beeg Issue, Beeg Issue! says:

    “Want to see my one eyed snake, honey?”

    Like

  13. 13
    Rickytshirt says:

    Does my twig look bigger when I sit like this?

    Like

  14. 15

    “Well if you do, and I notice, I shall be VERY annoyed!”

    Like

  15. 16
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    Rachel, Im not like the Hancocks and Rennards of this world, honest.

    Like

  16. 17
    Geoff Motley says:

    I like to see both of your hands, NOW!

    Like

  17. 18
    @tobyornot_ says:

    If I uncross mine will you uncross yours?

    Like

  18. 19
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    Piss off perv, I’ve got your card marked.

    Like

  19. 20
    RomaBob.... Beeg Issue, Beeg Issue! says:

    “A pink nosed puppy, wanna see it?”

    Like

  20. 21
    The Darth Pooh says:

    “Turnham Green?”
    “Too bloody right!”

    Like

  21. 22
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    Rachel suddenly realises she’s finally going to get some.

    Like

  22. 23
    Cymro oddi ar y llinell says:

    Like

  23. 24
    Trinny says:

    (Both) “why does the nutter always sit next to me?”

    Like

  24. 25
    RomaBob.... Beeg Issue, Beeg Issue! says:

    “No, I do not swallow!”

    Like

  25. 26
    Graham says:

    Have you fallen out with Chris ?

    Like

  26. 27
    Anonymous says:

    I think we both get off at Barking.

    Like

  27. 28
    Round the Bend says:

    Rachel “regardless of what you think about my voice, I am not a bloke”

    Like

  28. 31
    Harry Krishna says:

    Did you know I lost my left arm in the war?

    Like

  29. 32
    Carded says:

    Woman molested on tube shows man the yellow card.

    Like

  30. 33
    Anonymous says:

    Mind the baps.

    Like

  31. 34
    scottishcalvin says:

    A white person in London? I thought we got rid of you lot…

    Like

  32. 35
    Bill Quango MP says:

    PLEASE MIND THE GAP – between her ears and also her legs.

    Like

  33. 36
    Steve Miliband says:

    High Flying Labour politicians on their way to Davos

    Like

  34. 37
    Rachel's caravan says:

    Why do they call you the twilglett?

    Like

  35. 38
    Lord Rennard says:

    They’re the disabled seats aren’t they??

    Like

  36. 39
    Surr Nob Skelpoff says:

    I’m sorry, I WILL NOT touch you again now I know that you are really Leonard Nimmoy in drag.

    Like

  37. 40
    Graham says:

    Chris Bryant and Chris Huhne are both good friends of mine.

    Like

  38. 42
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Com’mon. Give us a snog! My career terminates at Bank.

    Like

  39. 44
    cep says:

    Gazing into each others lies.

    Like

  40. 45
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Approaching Crossed Legs

    Like

  41. 46
    tpfkar says:

    This is what a concrete policy looks like, Rachel

    Like

  42. 47
    Boring, snoring Rachel Reevezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz says:

    RR: “I’m so boring, I’ve been named the best anaesthetist in London”

    Like

  43. 48
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    Do you fancy a quick Rennard Rachel ?

    Like

  44. 49
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    “…and then you sort of wiggle it about. Try not to get my cuff wet though – and don’t tell him indoors.”

    Like

  45. 50
    keith Vag says:

    fancy coming back to mine for a fuck and pizza?

    Like

  46. 51
    Trigger says:

    Alright Dave?

    Like

  47. 52
    Daily Ref says:

    Listen mate, the Lib Dems are not going to win here.

    Like

  48. 53
    Reeves Debt Mountain High says:

    I feel foghorny.

    Like

  49. 54
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Yes..of course I’m sure we are on the Metropolitan Elite line..

    See! There’s Polly Toynbee!

    Like

  50. 56
    Centre Parting says:

    Stephen, how may times have I told you not to leave the seat up?

    Like

  51. 58
    Wee Dougy Carswell says:

    Just chased and caught a shoplifter in Clacton…, – waiting for the media

    Like

  52. 59
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    How about a quick wank?

    Like

  53. 60
    Sir Barrington Minge says:

    My wife doesn’t understand me……

    Like

  54. 62
    Bill Quango MP says:

    The Taking of PearlClam 123

    Like

  55. 63
    Phil Westlake says:

    “If you think my chat-up lines are sleazy wait till you see the ladies underwear i’m wearing under this suit”.

    Like

  56. 64
    Lost in the wilderness says:

    I’ve got Ed’s backbone in this bin liner and I’ll have your balls, Stephen, if you don’t move away.

    Like

  57. 65
    Gordon Bumhole says:

    Something smell fishy, I think your Oyster’s gone off!

    Like

  58. 66
    Bill Quango MP says:

    ST – So, why do they call you boring?
    RR – Well its becau…
    ST ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

    Like

  59. 67
    Mandy's Right Hand Man says:

    DLR, all stops to Prince Albert via Mudchute

    Like

  60. 68
    Bi Curious says:

    I hear you have a problem with men falling asleep BEFORE sex.

    Like

  61. 69
    Foghorn says:

    This is your final warning. Back off now or this Yellow card will be replaced by the red.

    Like

  62. 70
    Anonymous says:

    A tad embarrassing, but no idea who they are anyway.

    Like

  63. 71
    Ed (Too Fat must Fast for Flat Waistline) Balls says:

    What is this Liebour genetic trait of thunderthighs – Gordo’s Beard, Rachel Reeves, Caroline Flint etc..

    Like

  64. 72
    Twigg says:

    ‘Please give me a chance you never know my Princess xxx’

    Like

  65. 73
    JH3928409234893 says:

    I want to do some boring and then snoring with you.

    Like

  66. 74
    I win ! says:

    Rachel : Too far, too fast

    Like

  67. 75
    MayfairMagFan says:

    Just make sure you let me know when you think I’m violating your personal space.

    Like

  68. 76
    cep says:

    As they sat by the doors
    Twiggy tried to stop the snores
    By remembering the cause
    With Rachel giving some applause
    As Steve recounted all his flaws.

    Like

    • 81
      Rachel's caravan says:

      Rachel Reeves
      Rolled up her sleeves and went upstairs to bed.
      but a knock at the door.
      left her ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

      Like

  69. 78
    Anus says:

    Necrophilia is dead boring….
    Try incest, it’s only relatively boring.

    Like

  70. 79
    Advisory Notice says:

    MIND THE CRAP

    Like

  71. 80
    Simon says:

    Are you trying to join the Lib Dems Stephen?

    Like

  72. 82
    Mr Potato Head says:

    Guy: How do you like your croissants in the morning?

    Rachel: Like Hollande’s; hot, fresh and with a knob of butter.

    Like

  73. 83
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    Rachel “It is unfair that the poor have to budget, so we will nationalise food banks, like we did with commercial banks so they can eat all the time”

    Like

  74. 84
    Bloke says:

    I used to think I had ADD, but it turned out everyone around me was just really fucking boring.

    Like

  75. 85
    Rachel's caravan says:

    Ed Balls? Oh yeah..The blinky bloke? Really?
    How else’s cock have you seen?

    Like

    • 124
      Rachel Truth says:

      Correction: Blinky Balls cock has become encompassed by fat. You can’t see it. Its has become inverted.

      Like

  76. 87
    Steve Miliband says:

    Labour down the Tubes

    Like

  77. 89
    50 Calibre says:

    When you are not speaking, you are quite attractive in a rough sort of way…

    Like

  78. 90
    Peter Grimes says:

    Show a bit more thigh, darling, and you might just turn me straight.

    Like

  79. 91
    Persona non grata says:

    Just look at it as another step up the career ladder Rachel.

    Like

  80. 92
    Steve Miliband says:

    Did you know the Length of network is 249 miles and the Proportion of the network that is in tunnels is 45 per cent?

    Like

  81. 93
    Peter Grimes says:

    Stephen: Where do you buy those divine sheer black tights, darling?

    Like

  82. 94
    M102 says:

    Give me a chance my Princess. You never know XXXXXXXXXXXX

    Like

  83. 95
    Steve Miliband says:

    Long hair doesn’t suit Ed Miliband. Who’s the other bloke?

    Like

  84. 96
    Smelly street person with lurcher says:

    That seat free mate?

    Like

  85. 97
    keith says:

    no Stephen i don’t fancy travelling to Cockfosters with you

    Like

  86. 98
    Gooey Blob says:

    Rachel: I should have asked Ed for a safer seat.

    Like

  87. 100
    Bill Quango MP says:

    When this is all over why don’t we set up The Office of Stephen and Rachel and tour the world, 5 star, first class, tax free?

    Like

  88. 101
    Mornington Crescent says:

    From Wik1pedia:
    “She cites the influence of her father on herself and her sister supporting the Labour Party, recalling how when she was eight years old he pointed out Neil Kinnock on the television and “told us that was who we voted for”. Reeves says both she and her sister had “both known we were Labour since then”. She joined the Labour Party at age 16.”

    Labour – the party for the brain dead.

    Like

    • 162

      It’s got to be a joke though.

      Hasn’t it?

      Like

    • 163
      Mitch says:

      Can understand, though. I saw Kinnock and never looked back.

      Like

    • 170
      Fish says:

      “He cites the influence of his father on himself and his brother supporting the Labour Party, recalling how when he was eight years old he pointed out Karl Marx on the television and “told us that was who we voted for”. Miliband says both he and his brother had “both known we were Marxist since then”. He joined the Marxist /Labour / Communist Party at age 8 and three quarters. Two years later he is their leader”

      Like

  89. 102

    RR: Is that a gun you have in your pocket or are you still up for Portillo?

    Like

  90. 103

    I am not telling you where I am going, now go away!

    Like

  91. 104

    don’t you miss those quiet moments?

    Like

  92. 105
    Nigel Farage doppelganger says:

    Rachel, looked up and realised just in time the man opposite with camra was Guido in disguise.

    Like

  93. 106

    when I look into your eyes, I see a squint

    Like

  94. 107

    I came into politics to help virgins

    Like

  95. 108

    my mother warned me there would be days like this

    Like

  96. 109
    Questions of our time says:

    Are you a MILF ?

    Like

  97. 110

    where did you buy your cheap suit?

    Like

  98. 112

    I am resting my hand on my knee, when you feel comfortable you can move it across

    Like

  99. 113
    AnusButtocks says:

    Two parasitic enemies of the working class travel on public transport, for which they will claim expenses

    cu’nts

    Like

  100. 114

    just so you know this isn’t a speed dating tube!

    Like

  101. 115
    Mike Hancock says:

    That’s it son. Nice and easy…

    Like

  102. 116

    I only have one bum cheek on this seat, we need a transport review to address this

    Like

  103. 117

    I have never helped a single person since getting elected, I don’t know how, no manual provided by whips office

    Like

  104. 119

    I am on a diet, all the women in parliament have noticed, even Diane Abbott casually remarked

    Like

  105. 120

    pick a number, any number, but pick mine

    Like

  106. 121
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Cassandra Crossing

    Like

  107. 122
    Rich says:

    So if I put my hand on my knee I’m ok, but if I put my hand on your knee I’m in troube….

    Like

  108. 123

    two fun loving people on the same tube, what are the odds? it’s fate I tell you

    Like

  109. 125

    I love a plain looking girl

    Like

  110. 126
    £10,000 a week?! says:

    Does Rachel have anything to say about Gordon and Sarah avoiding tax and requiring £10,000 a week expenses?

    Like

  111. 127

    who’s expenses are we putting lunch on?

    Like

  112. 129
    Jimmy says:

    I must admit that the concept of the Gay Mafia is intriguing. I imagine the phrase “say hello to my little friend” has a somewhat different connotation.

    Like

    • 134
      The Gay Mafia says:

      If you don’t pay your protection money, we’ll come round and bitch about your chintz wallpaper/scratch your eyes out/batter you with a handbag.

      Ducky.

      Like

  113. 131
    retardEd Miliband says:

    That twain cawiage ith not full be-coth people cannot afford the cotht of twain twavel, due to the cotht of living cwy-thith.

    Like

  114. 132
    Anonymous says:

    Have I got a broom handle for you

    Like

  115. 133

    Both: Is it you who farted?

    Like

  116. 135
    Anonymous says:

    Seriously, who are these people? Please will someone enlighten me?

    Like

    • 142
      (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

      The new intelligensia, I’m not surprised you dont know their names, the lot of them are completely interchangable.
      Up the workers

      Like

  117. 137
    Ratbag says:

    Mind if I punch yer ticket, darlin?

    Like

  118. 138

    man “I like to travel on quiet trains”.

    woman: “why, feel claustrophobic”?

    man: “No, tube train travel gives me a massive boner”!

    Like

  119. 139
    She's Twigg-ed What His Game Is says:

    “No, I won’t go up to your room– but if you want to bring your etchings down to the lobby, I’ll be glad to look at them…”

    Like

  120. 140
    Lizzie says:

    If you’re a LibDem then you know what I’m really suggesting ….

    Like

  121. 143

    RR: So where are you taking me to tonight, Steve?
    ST: It’s a toss up between One Man Two Guvnors and From Here To Eternity.

    Like

  122. 146
    FFS says:

    “I say Rachel, do you know the best way to Picadilly?”

    “No, but if you get any closer you’ll be getting off at Cockfosters”

    Like

  123. 147
    dive master says:

    Hello sweetie I’m a BBC personality

    Like

  124. 148

    need any help with spreadsheets?

    Like

  125. 151
    Stick Thin says:

    (ST) ‘Whats in the bag Rachel?’…… (RR) ‘Ed Milliband’s personality. I’ve just recovered it from lost property.’

    Like

  126. 152

    I am a fun loving guy, look I never polished my shoes this morning

    Like

  127. 153
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    doing business luv?

    Like

  128. 154

    RR: Thanks for your support. It’s lovely and comfortable.

    Like

  129. 155
    Anonymous says:

    Who are you again?

    Like

  130. 156
    Ben Woodward says:

    ‘Close you’re eyes and think of Ed’

    Like

  131. 158
    SEAN says:

    I’LL SCRATCH YOUR BACK THEN YOU CAN RUB MY ……

    Like

  132. 159
    Swivelly says:

    Cant understand a word your saying.

    Like

  133. 161
    Rickytshirt says:

    Twigg gets wood.

    Like

  134. 165
    Twigg says:

    We had an office bet Rachel. That we could persuade Ed to wear bleached jeans in a bid to improve his ratings with the under 20s.

    Like

  135. 166
    cep says:

    Piccadilly palare….

    Like

  136. 168
    Twiggy the model ( but not that one ) says:

    So, when I said that I didn’t have the time for the photoshoot, they then asked David Beckham to do the SuperBowl ad.

    Like

  137. 169
    A bit on the side says:

    ST: I’ve just been bored so I have to sit like this.
    RR: Well, if you don’t remove your left arm you’ll be counter-sunk!

    Like

  138. 171
    Moderated by the Guardian for saying what a bunch of Cunts. says:

    Gottle of geer, Gottle of geer!

    Like

  139. 172
    Lord Rennard says:

    Invasion of personal space is now a hanging offence.

    Like

  140. 173

    RR: Do you often come on the train with Luciana?
    I can see you have with me.

    Like

  141. 174
    Wachel Weeves says says:

    And yes, Carney lied through his teeth about interest rates.

    Like

  142. 175
    Anonymous says:

    Who are these people?

    Like

  143. 177
    Fish says:

    Can I ask Rachel, do you have a Brazilian? It’s just that it can be a bit dangerous on the Tube…there are armed police at the next stop.

    Like

  144. 180
    Red Riding Hood says:

    My, what big feet you have!

    Like

  145. 181
    dai fecating says:

    if i said you had a beautiful body
    would you claim sexual harrasment?

    Like

  146. 182
    Bemused says:

    Twiglet “Ere, are you pregnant? (hic)”

    RR: “No, I most certainly am not!”

    Twiglet: “(hic) Well, do you want to be? (hic)”

    Like

  147. 183
    Lord Randy Mandy of Everywhere says:

    “Never mind Rennard darling, Twiggy is on the prowl”

    Like

  148. 184
    Anonymous says:

    Twiggy!

    I didnt know you had it in you!!

    Like

  149. 185
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    And then the metaphorical train goes thundering into the dark tunnel………

    Like

  150. 186
    McAdder says:

    Rachel: Do you want me to bore the pants off you?
    Stephen: Yes please but be gentle.

    Like

  151. 187
    Bob says:

    Man : Hi, I’m a Liberal Democrat. Would you like to continue this conversation in my bedroom?

    Like

  152. 189
    EC1 PhD says:

    “Ed bet me a tenner I could turn you”

    Like

  153. 190
    DLT says:

    fancy a double header?

    Like

  154. 191
    madasafish says:

    I’m not just any MP, I’m a LibDem MP…

    Like

  155. 192
    George Street says:

    Ever been up Portillo, love?

    Like

  156. 193
    Spar gangle says:

    Ello my dear! I work for the BBC wanna see your?? soz some puppy’s? !

    Like

  157. 197
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    ST: Can I smell your cnut

    RR: Certainly not

    ST: Must be your feet then.

    Like

  158. 198
    EyeSee says:

    ‘Has anyone ever told you, your handbag looks like a bin liner?’

    Like

  159. 200
    Oscar Pisstorius says:

    Rodney: Why do they call her Trigger? Does she carry a gun?
    Del Boy: No, she looks like an ‘orse!

    Like

  160. 201
    Down the Tube says:

    Steve twigs there’s more to Rachel than meets the eye

    Like

  161. 202
    Scottish Chav says:

    as a fully trained body language consultant who understands the intricacies and subtle nuances of human to human non verbal communication … I would interpret the above as …
    “how about a sh@g?”
    “GET THE FEK AWAY FROM ME YOU RET@RD!!!”

    Like

  162. 208

    RR: What’s all this butsex I keep reading about on Guido?
    ST: It’s where you have to pay. They say OK but…
    RR: Funny. I thought it was the sort of stuff you like to do.
    ST: No. That has two Ts.
    RR: And one sugar?
    ST: Now you’re talking… Shall we get off next stop?
    RR: You can get off right now, thank you!
    ST: Oops! I just have.

    Like

  163. 210
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Is this the direct train to Davos?

    Like

  164. 211
    Nemesis says:

    I think I’ve sat on your hand but don’t worry I’m not moving.

    Like

  165. 212

    RR: Will you be the father of my baby?
    ST: I didn’t know you had a baby.

    Like

  166. 213
    Peter Grimes says:

    RR – Spinster of this Parish -“Actually Stephen I would much rather have one of the things that Chris Davies MEP is holding elsewhere!”

    Like

  167. 217
    Ah! say says:

    ” It is true what they say about the size of a man’s feet?”

    ” Uncross your legs and we’ll see “

    Like

  168. 218
    Robbie says:

    I suppose a hi ho Silver is out of the question?

    Like

  169. 219
    Westminster's Gay Mafia says:

    Davos or Swiss Cottage?
    I’ve heard it’s a bit of both.

    Like

  170. 220
    Lord Kinnochio says:

    RR – Do you play chess ?
    ST – Oh yes my favourite move is the queen’s gambit! ….I play all the time!

    Like

  171. 221
    David Soutter says:

    Hello little girl I am Dave a LibDem activist !

    Like

  172. 222
    DLT says:

    Hello, I’m a retired DJ and I believe you may be smuggling cash, may I check inside your knickers please ?

    Like

  173. 223
    Usual Friday night vulgarity says:

    “Your finger?… Thank god for that! I thought I’d got haemorrhoids..”

    Like

  174. 224
    Rob says:

    I’d love to fuck her.

    Like

  175. 225
    Labour Loather says:

    Fuck her I’d rather fuck off!

    Like

  176. 226
    geordieboy says:

    Did you watch that telly program the 7.29? We could re – enact that providing your boyfriend isn’t an athelete.

    Like

  177. 226
    geordieboy says:

    Did you watch that telly program the 7.29? We could re – enact that providing your boyfriend isn’t an athelete.

    Like


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Chivalry is Not Dead | Laura Perrins
Jonathan Jones is a Tw*t | Iain Dale
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