January 23rd, 2014

UKIP Choose Dream Candidate in Wythenshawe

UKIP have found the perfect man to run in the Wythenshawe and Sale East by-election. John Bickley is ex-Labour, grew up in the constituency, is a self-made businessman and the son of a trade unionist. What’s more, he seems to have absolutely no internet presence whatsoever. Does he even exist?


  1. 1
  2. 2
    Tooth fairy says:

    They seek him here they seek him there, they seek the purple pimpernel everywhere…….

  3. 3
    Richard Feynman says:

    I, a universe of atoms, an atom in the universe.

  4. 4

    May be a bit of a stretch for UKIP to win in such a strong Labour seat but a good 2nd place will really demoralise the Tories. UKIP must be keeping an eye on Portsmouth surely Mike Hancock cannot keep his position as an MP absoutley outrageous if he is not fired

  5. 5
    Arse says:

    I think Purple People Eater is a more appropriate simile.

  6. 6
    Aaron D Highside. says:

    They could have snapped up Handycock.

  7. 7
    Arse says:

    There is no right of recall at the moment. Even if Handycock loses the whip, he is still an MP.

  8. 8
    ww says:

    You have to think outside of the box.

  9. 9
    Rickytshirt says:

    Whatever happens, the liblabcon share of the vote will tank.

  10. 10
    Aaron D Highside. says:

    The one-eyed version is already an MP – sort of.

  11. 11
    Socialism = Starvation says:

    There is no mechanism to remove an MP barring conviction for a criminal offence and long stretch inside, or bankruptcy, unless the MP chooses to apply for a notional office of profit under the Crown.

  12. 12
    Arse says:

    Like UKIP’s vote at general erection 2015.

  13. 13
    Socialism = Starvation says:

    Whatever next, might we have an MP with no Twitter account? Do these people not realise how vital it is to have a Twitter account? It’s as if he is a normal person.

  14. 14
    jmf says:

    He has more right to stand as an MP than Milliband,Burnham,Cable and all the other MPs who have never held a job in their life.

  15. 15
    Village Idiot says:

    …… I am, I think I am,therefore,i must be!…….(but it is impossible to prove.)

  16. 16
    Sue says:

    I am ex-Labour too. I know the Tory press bangs on about Tory voters going back to them from UKIP at the GE – there are many like me in UKIP who will never go back to Labour.

  17. 17
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    Is that a freudian slip. Time for a stiff one.

  18. 18
    Village Idiot says:

    …..Wishful thinking!

  19. 19
  20. 20

    The cosmological aspect is very interesting.

    John Bickle existed for a few seconds up there. Now he has gone again.

    Did we momentarily see into a parallel universe?

  21. 21
    FrankFisher says:

    Of course he exists. He’s 60, that’s all Guido. Not *everyone* is a webmong like us.

    I’m off up there at the weekend, I’ll send you a snap.

  22. 22
    Village Idiot says:

    ….Nor go back to the conservatives,who blew their chance to convince me that they want “Out” of EU!!!!

  23. 23
    dai constructively says:

    perhaps he’s inside already – its safer that way

  24. 24
    A Free bath for Soap Dodgers says:

  25. 25
    Lard Everard says:

    I am thinking about the box.

  26. 26
    Bert Camus says:

    If you have ever been to Wythenshawe then you will not want to go again, believe me.

  27. 27
  28. 28
    Boy Milliband says:

    This is so unfair JMF working as a Botty Wiper for Mr Benn is a real job.

  29. 29
    UKID DING says:

    Perhaps he’s an umbrella salesman who is doing well during the current rainy period.

  30. 30
    Jabba Le Chat says:

    More like purple pimple…

  31. 31
    Anonymous says:

    The Cameron con

  32. 32
    Fbi says:

    We have sent out a search party and we seek.him here we seek him everywhere and stiill not found. We will offer a $100, 000 reward and we hope we will not find him and we will save the money

  33. 33
    Reasonable Price says:

    Just means old fat fuck Guido will have to do some real work and get out there digging through bins, asking locals, tapping dead girl’s mobile phones, the sort of work that used to be required in journalism. Now the fuckers just sit on Reddit all day and copy and paste the fucking “news” in.

  34. 34
    Junior Radio 4 everyone but the English reporter says:

    Sadly this means there is no online history for me to delve through and take out of context which I can then fain utter; utter outrage about

  35. 35
    Rickytshirt says:

    I love these kind of posts. You can really sense the fear.

  36. 36
    Mongs vote says:

    Have they pinned a red rosette on donkey yet?

  37. 37
    Spartacus says:

    I think cable worked for shell, so yes never had a job

  38. 38
    Wee Willy Winkee says:

    What about the cat inside the box.

    Ask SC, she knows.

  39. 39
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    He is on Linkedin but the plastic paddy CBA as it creates a better headline as it is.

    The MSM have him now, the big fat sellout

  40. 40
    Mick Hangock says:

    Would you like to see my purple monster?

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Not if he gets sent down for more than 12 months, which is possible given the amount of people he has sexually assaulted.

  42. 42
    Not a BBC spokesperson says:

    We’ll find a way to either belittle him or his party so don’t worry.

  43. 43
    Mrs Clegg says:

    Excellent candidate roll on UKIP.

  44. 44
    Jabba Le Chat says:

  45. 45
    Quiet Bat Person says:

    Diane Abbott would make an excellent cannonball.

  46. 46
    Anonymous says:

    Digging oil wells or sitting behind a desk before a 3 hourt lunch?

  47. 47
    Owen Jones says:

    “John Bickley” I literally just spat on my keyboard I was laughing so hard.

  48. 48
    Ed Miliband says:

    What’s a job?

  49. 49
    If only.... says:

    ….it squirted effluent.

  50. 50
    George Entwistle asks says:

    Meanwhile the Labour shortlist contains 2 social workers,the niece of a former Mp and related to the Deputy PCC,so no change theire!

  51. 51
    Anonymous says:

    It was a year ago that David Cameron promised a referendum on the EU..

    The bill is about to collapse and 12 months on the Conservatives haven’t detailed a single policy they would like to renegotiate.

    Cameron and the conservatives are pro EU to their core.

    They will never leave the EU.

    They are proven as cast iron liars , again


  52. 52
    Fatbots Imaginary Man says:

    Yes we do need water cannon on the mainland of Londonistan, places like Tottenham and Tower Hamlets come to mind

  53. 53
    Spartacus says:

    all together now

    ” . . . renegotiate our relationship with the eu” (common market)

  54. 54
    JMF says:

    Was with Shell for a couple of years as a economist I believe before being asked to leave.

  55. 55
    Ah! é says:

    / s’il vous plait.

  56. 56
    Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Immigrants, Criminals & other Wasters. says:

    If the eu people are denied a vote the terror will begin.

  57. 57
    Rennard the fucks says:

    Hurtful comments about a fine figure of a man.

  58. 58
    Mr Harman says:

    So an all female list, well done Labour, lets hope someone’s male relative doesn’t sneak in under the wire.

  59. 59
    Anonymous says:

    Labour are hypocritical cnuts… We know that ?

  60. 60
    M­a­­q­bo­­ul says:

    feign ffs

  61. 61
    C.O.Jones says:

    They ran out of parachutes. More are on order.

  62. 62
    Don't think Kiev couldn't happen here says:

    Sooner or later people are going to realise that 10,000 police don’t stand a chance against an organised force of, say, 70,000, the kind of number you get at Old Trafford for a big match.

    CS gas is countered by gas masks from Ebay, 20 quid, baton charges are countered by motorbike helmets and skateboard knee and elbow protectors, 30 quid, and, ultimately water cannon run out of water and force of numbers overwhelm the Police. No line of very lightly armed men could withstand organised volleys of molotov cocktails.

    If people really got organised, the Police would bottle and the army would have to fire on their own population.

    When interest rates go up, and the average is stunned out of his apathy because his house is repo’ed and his kids are hungry, there could be a great deal of blood on the streets.

  63. 63
    Jacqueline Dromey says:

    If they do, we should blackball them.

  64. 64

    He might be just an ordinary common sense kind of business man, maybe with a wife and family ,who knows the area well and believes our country should be rescued from the EU and its treacherous collaborators. THE BASTARD !!!!!

  65. 65
    M­a­­q­bo­­ul says:

    With luck, Putin might recall him to Moscow.

  66. 66
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Granted it’s not true, but saying that neither is the headline, so I thought it was just a free for all.

  67. 67
    Harri says:

    Gordon Brown does … somewhere

  68. 68
    Jabba Le Chat says:

    I take it you mean Ukip’s fear of being laughed at, again, by the majority of adults in this country?

  69. 69
    neitherdeadnoralive says:

    I thought no one knew if Schrodingers cat was alive dead or neither ?

  70. 70
    Wee Willy Winkee says:

    Flame throwers are much better.

  71. 71
    Jabba Le Chat says:

    Putin has enough problems of his own…


  72. 72
    Arse says:

    I fear Miliband as PM, yes.

  73. 73
    Arse says:

    No. It’s what happens to the media every 5 years when we get to vote.

  74. 74
    Arse says:

    You’re a blithering idiot. How are you going to organise 70,000 people?

  75. 75

    If only interest rates would go up, then we might get a return on our savings instead of subsidising all the reckless and feckless ,the idiots who took out mortgages they could hardly afford or have wallets full of maxed out credit cards you know the type .

  76. 76
    RSPCA says:

    If you don’t release that cat, you will be reported.

  77. 77
    CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

    Good enough reason NOT to vote for him.

  78. 78
    Dream on UKIP candidate says:

    Can you ask him:

    Are the once-in-a-century floods, freezing spells, etc, which are now coming around every five years or so caused by God (not necessarily because of homosexuals) or by climate change?

  79. 79
    Religious Nut says:

    John Bickle


    The initials before JC

    It’s a sign! The end of days is coming! Prepare for the Rapture!

  80. 80
    Reginald D Hunter says:

    You have to re-frame the question

  81. 81
    I dislike socialists intensely says:

    Vote UKIP and get Miliband and Balls.

  82. 82
    Dr Seuss says:

    What about…. the cat in the hat. Uh? Yeah? You get me?

  83. 83
    A Sophist says:

    The rest of us are figments of your imagination.

  84. 84
    Bemused says:

    You can laugh at UKIP or be horrified by Labour, Conservative or Liberals.

    Vote UKIP for less horror.

  85. 85
    Mummy, mummy make the nasty purple people go away says:

    Keep on kidding yourself that everything’s all right in la la lilabcon land.

    The forces that are driving people out of the liblabcon in droves are not exactly going to stop in the foreseeable future. Quite the contrary.

    Mindless mass immigration, growing EU authoritarianism, demographic change, islamification – all make for a very unpleasant future for the state’s parties.


  86. 86
    Bemused says:

    Never in the entire history of Britain have mass demonstrations got that far out of hand, and these days people of all walks of life have far too much to lose.

    A much more likely scenario is a bunch of single-issue obsessives arming themselves to the teeth with imported AK47s and doing a mass “Anders Breivik” on the political establishment, likely supported by foreign interests. Either Saudis arming the Muzzies or Yanks arming the EDL (quite possibly both)

  87. 87
    Purple Pimpernel says:

    And there’s a picture on this article too:


    He’s a real chap for sure.

  88. 88
    George Orwell says:

    More likely to use them on the middle-classes in Guildford and Bath.

    Haven’t you noticed that laws are only applied to the middle-classes?

    Haven’t you noticed that the police seem far more interested in middle-class motorists in the fast lane of the M1 than rioters in Tottenham?

    I did warn you that the Fabians were planning all this but you didn’t get it. Maybe I made it just too obscure?

    Well surely you must be getting the message now, and its only going to get worse.

  89. 89
    John Bellingham says:

    A very questionable role in Shell’s Nigerian activities. His tenure as Chief Financial Officer of the Kenyan Government might be best left off of his CV when one looks at Kenya’s economy at the time and immediately after.

  90. 90
    Rickytshirt says:

    I don’t buy the ‘vote Ukip get labour’ argument. We’ve been stuck on the labour-tory merry-go-round for too long. If people start voting for the party with the best policies and the best candidates, regardless of the perceived likelihood of their electoral success, then we’d be a lot better represented.

  91. 91
    Labour Alf Wit says:

    That’s happening Friday.

  92. 92
    Wait - what! says:

    We’re all allowed to make a mistake, he clearly discovered his and corrected it unlike others.

  93. 93
    I dislike socialists intensely says:

    I am more frightened of Miliband?Balls than I am of the EU . From day one Labour would wreck the economy . The EU can be sorted out later.

  94. 94
    Spartacus says:

    i would say it was an advantage not to have one – that way you don’t get ‘interested parties’ trying to dissect every (reduced text space) word for hidden meaning

  95. 95
    Rickytshirt says:

    It’ll never get done unless we make them do it. The only reason a referendum is being offered is because of the threat of Ukip hurting them at the ballot box. Getting out of the EU has to be priority number one. They hold too much sway over everything parliament does. We can achieve so much by the single act of brexit than we can dare hope to by ignoring the issue, reelecting Dave, and hoping for the best.

  96. 96
    Sue Doughty says:

    I have heard of paper candidates but never a phantom one. Any names?

  97. 97
    Rennard the fucks says:

    I like to tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree.

  98. 98
  99. 99
    Charlie says:

    Yes why was Cable appointed in first place? Shell normally only recruit the best. Cable had doctorate from Glasgow then worked for ODA in Kenya on agriculture. Cable has never published economic papers on oil/energy , so why did he get job with Shell: was it because of contacts with John Smith , leader of labour? For Shell to have employed economic adviser to J Smith is smart politics.

    Why has no former Shell employee praised Cable’s ability ?

  100. 100
    nonbeliever says:

    I think you meant – ‘Prepare for the Rupture’

  101. 101
    Jimmy says:

    “he seems to have absolutely no internet presence whatsoever”

    Took me about 30 secs to find him on LinkedIn. What do you people actually do during the day?

  102. 102
    Captain Black says:

    Schrodinger’s cat is both alive and dead.

  103. 103
  104. 104
    Dontvoteforanyofthem says:

    They are once in 20 years floods, caused by changes in land use, not God, not homosexual marriage, nor by the mostly naturally occuring climate change.

    “Major flood events occur around the world every year, but with international loss databases documenting increased incidents of flooding, more material loss and greater fatality rates, are these events on the increase, and are they getting worse?

    A new study referencing the IPCC SREX report finds a surprising answer.
    Changing landscapes not global warming to blame for increased flood risk
    A new study published in Hydrological Sciences Journal examines the key reasons for increasing frequency and severity of floods; considering whether this is due to improved reporting by the media, an increasing and expanding global population, or whether climate change is the crucial factor.The authors combine the outcomes of the IPCC Special Report on “Managing the Risks of Extreme Events and Disasters to Advance Climate Change Adaptation” (SREX report) with more recent research to give a rounded view of the cost of flooding (both human and material), the causes of increased flood risk and predictions of future global flooding patterns.

    Studies have shown that there is a clear link between population density and flooding. Currently 800 million humans are living in areas vulnerable to flooding. This is predicted to rise by a further 140 million during 21st Century as we see continued economic and population growth. At the same time reduction of woodland, changing river flow and the urbanisation of flood plains will increase flood risk in many regions.

    The SREX report established a link between the human impact on the global landscape and occurrences of heavy precipitation leading to greater flood risk, and predicts an increase in rain generated flooding this Century. At the same time the report concluded that there was a lack of research identifying, in a persuasive way, an influence of anthropogenic climate change on global river flooding.

    That is the UKIP view. It is not the view of a nutty conservative councillor who recently switched to UKIP and then refused repeated requests from the party to state that his own personal views were not the views of UKIP as a party, and who rejected repeated requests from the party to cease inviting media attention for his own bizarre personal views.

  105. 105
    Rickytshirt says:

    Luke 15:10

  106. 106
    Cost-of-Labour-crisis says:

    Why don’t the Tories put CountryB4Party.org?

  107. 107
    Cost-of-Labour-crisis says:

    It’s CountryB4Party.org 4u!

  108. 108
    Cost-of-Labour-crisis says:

    Ha Ha. Never get her into the cannon though.

  109. 109
    Cost-of-Labour-crisis says:

    Dodgy haircut.

  110. 110
    broderick crawford says:

    Yes but is he/she/it a tom , a queen or a hermaphrodite with transexual tendencies. ??

  111. 111
    Hargaret Modge, Labour MP and Hypocritical serial long term aggressive Tax Avoider + expenses thief says:

    Bickley…John Biickley the chap who used to have sex with Ferrets while out Dogging in his Banana yellow Lada Riva? I think I may know him. Pimply arse etc

  112. 112
    Anonymous says:

    Same way the army does. Break it down to leaders of 200, 50, 10.

  113. 113
    Anonymous says:

    Interest shoild be permanently banned. Feckless shouldn’t profit from low rates and other should not get money for nothing by higher rates.

  114. 114
    Anonymous says:

    Wat Tyler, Oliver Cromwell.

  115. 115
    Jimmy says:

    “managing director for Paramount Pictures and Universal Studios”

    Of course you were dear.

    This is going to be fun.

  116. 116
  117. 117
    Simon says:

    As a Conservative I can tell you Mr (or Ms) Anonymous that you are completely wrong – even as you stick your fingers in your ears and sing ‘not listening, not listening’. I like most Conservatives am quite eurosceptic. Even Tory ministers have said they would leave the EU if things didn’t change dramatically. The real truth is that voting for anyone other than the Conservatives will let the Europhile parties win – you know, Labour and the Lib Dems, the ones that have fought against the Conservatives tooth and nail to ensure the British people are denied a referendum on the mater. Unfortunately you would personally rather deny reality and vote UKIP and get Ed Milliband even though you have the choice to vote Conservative and get the referendum you want. I guess that makes you an idiot.

  118. 118
    Northerner says:

    Dream candidate???? He was interviewed on BBC North West tonight & he is as dull as dishwater, Safe yes but on first look & hear, a complete bore………..this will be a comfortable Labour hold & with him being ex Labour he’s hardly going to get Tories flocking over to UKIP…..UKIP may well struggle to get 2nd

  119. 119
    Ampers says:

    No internet presence?

    I’m beginning to like him already!

  120. 120

    Wythenshaw is the kind of prole infested pisshole where they will be voting for their benefits

  121. 121
    Here's another idea says:

    Ha! You didn’t say “Simon says – that makes you an idiot.”

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