January 20th, 2014

Miliband Using Unison to Fix Grimsby Seat for Melanie Onn
Stitch-Up For Austin Mitchell Seat Before He Even Resigns

Dozens of Labour MPs are expected to quit before the next election yet even before they’ve gone the stitching-up of seats has begun. Ed Miliband claims he wants to weaken the union hold over his party, yet he’s happy to play their games when an ally is involved. Guido is expecting an announcement that Labour MP Austin Mitchell isn’t going to be running again in Grimsby and all the stops are being pulled out to secure the seat for former Labour HQ staffer Melanie Onn. Miraculously Onn was given a cosy regional campaigning role with Unison. Labour insiders say she got the gig at Ed’s personal request. That must be Ed’s promised ‘new, more open politics’ in action.

Back at Labour HQ, increasingly isolated General Secretary Iain McNicol does not enjoy the confidence of Ed Miliband. Since the arrival of Spencer Livermore,  McNicol has been further sidelined. Bored of spending lots of his time touring constituency branches to keep him out of harm’s way in Labour HQ, he is now insisting on being involved in campaign planning meetings. This has proved somewhat irritating to Livermore who wants him out, something to which Miliband is sympathetic. McNicol, who owes his appointment to union votes on the party’s National Executive Committee, is now calling in favours from his union friends to make sure his position is secure against him being pushed out. Given the unions pay Labour HQ’s wages this means Ed Miliband may not get his way. So much for redefining that relationship…


  1. 1
    Ed Mili says:

    I’ll give Malanie one.

  2. 2
    Jackie Dromey, Ms says:

    They should have made it an all-woman shortlist too, then parachuted some old dodgey bloke in at the last moment.

  3. 3
    Nigel Farage says:
  4. 4
    Ed Mili says:

    Sorry I meant Onn not one. Ill give Malanie Onn one.

    It’s a stupid name anyway. Is she an immigrant?

    Off Onn one.

  5. 5
    Iain Duncan Smith says:

    I think these people need to be sent back to school to learn how to claim benefits responsibly

  6. 6
    Onn Message says:

  7. 7
    Lord Rennard says:

    If she needs advice on getting ahead in politics, I can lend a hand.

    Oh dear…that was wrong. I’m so very, very sorry (again).

  8. 8
    Freeman St says:

    Even during the height of the boom large parts of Grimsby looked like they were in recession.
    What the fucking hell was Austin doing with his time?

  9. 9
    Malanie Lays a bet Onn says:

  10. 10
    Another one in the same mould says:

    She looks as old as Owen.
    Obviously worldly-wise. Her life experiences are sure to be helpful.

  11. 11
    Killer Bercow says:

    I got my gig under the most famous clock in the world.

  12. 12
    Lord Rennard says:

    Put in “nepotism”, “Labour” and “credibility” and see what you get back?

  13. 13
    Freeman St says:

    Her hair is washed and her teeth are clean.
    She’ll never pass for a local

  14. 14
    Auntie Duggan says:

    No doubt she will over the next few weeks be feeding Labours propoganda about their approach to benefits,the announcement this am that a test on numeracy,literacy and computing skills will probably rule out 75 per cent of those currently receiving benefits,dumb down Labour wanting to penalise those who who they failed in the Reign of Terror.

  15. 15
    Yet another liar says:

    Er, if you never win anything ever, then you cannot have won £80.
    What you probably meant to say was that you’d never won anything previously.
    Still, as a Labourite, what does precision and truth mean to you?

  16. 16
    John Ward (Medway) says:

    Game Onn!

  17. 17
    Auntie Duggan says:

    Bust to Boom.

  18. 18
    Workless oaf and partner says:

    We just nicked a tele so we can watch Benny Fitz Street 2nite.

  19. 19
    Dromey says:

    We could have sent in Black Dick

  20. 20
    Ed Moribund says:

    The price of seats has gone up 12% since I bought mine!

    The cost of things today ..tut tut… its a disgwace.

  21. 21
    Unis Onn says:

  22. 22
    Person from the 1990s. says:

    I have romantic dreams about Samantha Jannus

  23. 23
    jgm2 says:

    Mid – late 20’s, never done a days work outside of politics in her life?

    Just what the people of Grimsby need.

    Good teeth though. We’ll have paid for them.

  24. 24
    Benefits Screech says:

    An absence of tattoos and piercings. She doesn’t even dye her hair orange or green!

    She looks about 20. Has she got 4 kids yet?

  25. 25
    Sunderland is a Labour ghetto thats why it shyte says:

    She is typical of the Labour drones in Parliament and PPCs just look at the three we have in Sunderland.

  26. 26
    Jack Dromey says:

    I am not bi-curious.
    Really…it was just a mistake. I typed in ‘Black bin lads’ into google instead of black bin bags. Before you knew it I was on the Dirty-Interacial-gay-festish-porn site.

    i switched it off as soon as I realised. Which was after about 4 hours.

  27. 27
    Killer Bercow says:

    Never done a day’s work inside politics in my life, darling.

  28. 28
    Dave Miliband says:

    Sunderland! I think about it sometimes.
    Usually when the wind blows the stink of the east river down to Manhattan.

  29. 29
    Turners TV's says:

    On his ego trip.

  30. 30
    jgm2 says:

    City with traditional male-dominated heavy-industry past selects three X 25 year-old women from women-only shortlist.

    Safe seats. The gift that keeps on giving.

  31. 31
    Fly on the wall says:

    Gone fishing by a shady wadey pool – instead of just a-wishing. Sensible fellow.

  32. 32
    A Grimsby resident says:

    How the fcuk does someone with absolutely no experience of working outside of a political party even get to be considered to be an MP?

    I don’t give 2 fcuking shites that she’s campaigned at the local, national and European level. WTF does she know about what it’s like to do a real job in the real world? FFS! I’m sure the tw@s that live up here will still vote for the the bint. You could pin a red rose on a turd and the fukwits around here would still vote labour.

  33. 33
    The people of Grimsby says:

    It’s frightening!

    If Grimsby floods again, she’d be about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

  34. 34
    Fly on the wall says:

    Perhaps she likes a pint of the old scrumpy every now and then…

  35. 35
    Fly on the wall says:

    Wait until you are elected then the public will buy them for you.

  36. 36
    Fly on the wall says:

    So she fancies a flutter. Wait until she’s Chancellor then all your pensions will be on the 3-legged lame nag in the 2.30 at Haydock!

  37. 37
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    How can she possibly be taken seriously as a “politician”?
    We really are complete and utter mugs if we can even consider voting for a dumb broad who thinks google glasses are cool.

  38. 38
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    And with all her experience that will probably be in a couple of parliaments time.

  39. 39
    Protest'n'collaborate says:

    Doesn’t she realise that Google pay no taxes!

  40. 40
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    The more I see the more I realise that it must be April 1st.
    What do you mean its only January?
    This isn’t a joke?
    She really is a potential MP?

  41. 41
    Get Onn Down and Boogie says:

    One eyed Onn

  42. 42
    Redundant Letter Alarm says:

    Redundant “L” alert

  43. 43
    Cupertino says:

    If Grimsby floods again?
    Is she gay?

  44. 44
    Confused.com says:

    January 20, 2014 at 2:58 pm
    How the fcuk does someone with absolutely no experience of working outside of a political party even get to be considered to be an MP?

    I don’t give 2 fcuking sh@tes that she’s campaigned at the local, national and European level. WTF does she know about what it’s like to do a real job in the real world? FFS! I’m sure the tw@s that live up here will still vote for the the bint. You could pin a red rose on a dog turdd and the fukkwits around here would still vote labour.

  45. 45
    Lenin McCluskey says:

    Allow me !

  46. 46
    Anonymous says:

    was it Unis Onn that helped her, who cares what she looks like she will be shite. Why doesn’t she try living on 25p and a free shot of heroin a day so she fits in with the locals. Does she smell of fish?

  47. 47
    Aparat says:

    I urge everyone to have a look at Look North – the programme’s foghorn bleating for Labour is a site to behold.

    “Auntie” pulled the programme from the iPlayer, after the most recent Tory complaint regarding the its vile bias, so grab it while you can.

    Incidentally, if it vanishes again, where would be the best place to post clips of it? Where would the Beeb be impotent in its attempts at removing them? Putin’s no friend of the BBC, so would it have to be somewhere in Russia?

  48. 48
    broderick crawford says:

    what about Dirty Dick s .? …. have you ever supped deeply from the goblets of that infamous City of London hostelry Jack ..

  49. 49
    broderick crawford says:

    yeah agreed she looks about ten

    any thoughts of her in the handycock context would leave the perpetrator open to a charge if mental kiddie fiddling .

  50. 50
    broderick crawford says:

    Doesn t matter what he was doing NOW though does it ?

    He s done his time so he gets a top hat inflation proofed pension plus a golden goodbye which the rest of us can only dream

    Leaves him lots of time and money to consume endless pints of Best bitter and fush and chios with Prezza up the road in Hull .

  51. 51
    broderick crawford says:

    Oh my good God !!!

    And she will ACTUALLY be elected to a post which oays best part if 70 k a year plus second home in London plus office expenses !!!!

    Where s the cyanide .

  52. 52
    broderick crawford says:

    Did you mean to spell it “cLock” dear ??

  53. 53
    broderick crawford says:

    she s become a womacker last i heard

  54. 54
    broderick crawford says:

    tooth implants done properly in London by a competent advanced orthodontic specialist — as opposed to a backstreet Dic Holliday — would set you back around one thousand sterling per tooth .

    you have 32 teeth

    go calculate

  55. 55
    One Dumb Nation says:

    The Unions are Ed’s Achilles Heel. Labour will lose the next election.

    Guido, think about raising awareness about these union of scumbags. They are scum, but many think they are just fighting for workers rights and are harmless. Time to educate people on the truth about unions.

    Vote rigging,buying influence, using right to protest to stalk, harass and bully people and endless funding for Labour MPs. These are just a few of Unions nasty tactics. Disgraceful!

  56. 56
    Ed The Eunuch says:

    No Plan B-alls for Labour! Ed is a liability.


  57. 57
    Hal says:

    Do you really not understand what “redundant” means?

    Still, at least you didn’t put it in capital letters.

  58. 58
    Sunny Jim says:

    Another seat which might well fall to UKIP – it’s an area which has suffered from the importing of cheap labour from Eastern Europe since 2004…

  59. 59
    FrankField's Buttplug says:

    We should never have had women here.We need Louis Walsh to find some nice young boys for us. I dream of a Labour boy band, duckie. I can explain to them about the whip, admy friend Iain can give them discipline

Seen Elsewhere

Javid: Let Tories Campaign For Out Vote | House
Ministry of Justice Loses Death Inquiry Data “In the Post” | TechnoGuido
Europe’s Crisis is Cameron’s Opportunity | Speccie
Sajid Javid is the Ultimate Thatcherite | Buzzfeed
Ed Argar Selected in Dorrell Seat | Leicester Mercury
88% of New Labour MPs Are Union Bods | Mark Wallace
Massively Popular Porn Site is Infecting Users | Techno Guido
Newspapers No Longer Willing to Toe Party Line | Roy Greenslade
Introducing the New CapX | CapX
Burnham’s Newsnight Debacle Dissected | Dan Hodges
How I Survived Dry January | Nigel Farage

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Dan Hodges on Labour unity

“We’ve heard a lot over the past few years about how Miliband has united Labour. But he has not united Labour. He has pacified Labour. He has placed it into a medically induced coma following the trauma of the party’s 2010 defeat.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers