January 15th, 2014

Tory MPs’ Verdict on Craig Oliver’s Fireworks PowerPoint


Another classic Alan Partridge moment from Craig Oliver last night, reading out his media CV to Tory MPs before giving them a PowerPoint presentation on the year ahead that used fireworks transitions. “I had the third best slot on Radio Norwich”, or something like that.

One MP in attendance complains to Guido that “he didn’t understand his audience that’s for sure”, who were expecting at least a discussion on the massive elephant in the room, Europe. Cue an awkward reception, which another attendee says was only briefly halted by laughing when Alistair Burt’s name came on annunciator even though he was in the room.

As Guido revealed in the Sun over the weekend, in a PowerPoint to ministers Craig told them this year is about “show and tell”. He reckons the Tories have won the key arguments and voters agreed that things were on the up, so now the Government needs to spend the next year connecting with voters on an emotional level. One observer described the new strategy as “touchy feely time.”


  1. 1
    BOB coCROWch says:


  2. 2
    Jim says:

    But he was not himself paying the Rent!

  3. 3
    Randy Marsh says:

    ‘Touchy feely..?

    I thought Mongcock was on bail..?

  4. 4
    The great bore of two decades says:

    PowerPoint. Waste of time for the work who authors it and waste of time for the victims who have to suffer it.

  5. 5
  6. 6
    Freddie Lee says:

    Re “Tories have won the key arguments”

    Not on printing uncapped ICT work visas for masses of Indian nationals to keep swarming in they have not…

    Not on the “aid” budget they have not


  7. 7
    Anon says:

    It’s one of the reasons I set up my own business; I no longer have to endure Death By PowerPoint.

  8. 8
    Anon says:


    Craig’s “key arguments” differ from everyone else’s.

  9. 9
    M­a­q­bo­ul says:

    But only as asset for the NUM. Not for himself you understand.

    I believe him, although thousands wouldn’t.

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Seems like a nice boy.

  11. 11
    M­a­q­bo­ul says:

    It’s a great excuse to have a meeting without an agenda.

  12. 12
    Mr Potato Head says:

    They may have key arguments but they don’t open any doors.

  13. 13
    Mr Potato Head says:

    ….. unlike their open door European immigration policy.

  14. 14


    Land of Dope and Tory, Labour, BИP,
    How shall we steamroll thee and set our people free?
    Wider still and wider, our EU binds be set!
    Nigel, make us mighty, make us mightier yet!
    Nigel, make us mighty, make us mightier yet!

    LibDems not worth their handle, Neither is the case,
    They give away the bennies, help Indies into space!
    UKIP is the answer, help to cut our debt;
    Nigel, make us mighty, make us mightier yet!
    Nigel, make us mighty, make us mightier yet!


  15. 15
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Lord Rennard is vindicated :-)

  16. 16
    Andy Warthog says:

    Looks like he has been photoshopped into the recording studio.

  17. 17
    Anonymous says:

    That is like saying “guns kill”.

    People only use the tools that they think give them power.

  18. 18
    Randy Marsh says:

    I’d love to hear that at last night of the proms…

  19. 19
    Ah! Monika says:

    If you’re going to fuck the whole of France without an outcome you will need over 60 million condoms

  20. 20
    Ah! Monika says:

    Up all night?

  21. 21
    The rich immersive PowerPoint experience says:

    People who use PowerPoint don’t think.

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    Powerpoint is for diagrams and pictures. Bullet points are only for those that have no memory, and are afraid to look at the audience.

  23. 23
    uy7 says:

    Everything in Politics is so FAKE.

  24. 24
    Ah! Monika says:

    BBC has a £2billion black hole.

    Not much Left now then.

  25. 25
    Casual Observer 2 says:

    Shampain Soshialist is soooo yesterday.

    I’t’s “Gauche Caviar” nowadays, thanks to Franky Hollandaise and his Dommes

  26. 26
    Dr Faustus says:

    I notice the LibDems have appointed a “pastoral care officer” to manage the torrent of complaints to the Party about touchy feelies.

    How do these bastards find the time to do any governing? Oh, I see…

  27. 27
    Arthur says:

    Cameron has done enough touchy-feely stuff – time for action although I won’t be holding my breath.

  28. 28
    The Cosmopolitans says:

    We emply the stupid Goy as useful idiots…what tools they really are!

  29. 29
    Samcam says:

    If you were married to Dave, you’d have to fake it as well. I’m so fed up with having to be a toyboy for him.

  30. 30
    Lord Greville Janner says:

    “touchy feely time”

    That sounds nice!

  31. 31
    Dr Faustus says:

    I have Powerpoint on my laptop and a copy on my office computer. I’ve never had to use it in anger: but it’s comforting to know I always have a snappy presentation at hand to keep me and my family safe.

  32. 32
    Anonymous says:

    Every socialist, every Trade Union Leader and Every Yorkshire man I know used to trade under the stereotype this person fashioned. Turns out he and the image he created was all hat and no cattle.

  33. 33
    A right fucking bastard says:

    We now live in a world of Powerpoint Government. Mr Churchill must be turning in his grave!

  34. 34
    Percy says:

    You do know the Protocols are proven fakes don’t you?

  35. 35
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    With 90% of the top dole claiming constituencies represented by The Labour Party they should be renamed The Layabout Party :-)

  36. 36
    Percy says:

    Bullet points are for those that speak a different language and find English as a second language hard to follow.

  37. 37
    Labour hypocrisy knows no bounds says:

    Limit RBS bonuses, Labour urges

    Labour, which let RBS bonuses balloon and gave Fred Goodwin a knighthood.

  38. 38

    No. I’ve been away. Thought of it on the way down to breakfast this morning. The first line came into my mind just as it is.

    Thought how it might rouse the troops this year at the elections.

    Had to resort to two verses to get the bastard Libs in, what a surprise! But the smallest party has the biggest difference of opinions.

    Biggest struggle was with line 2 of verse 2. Still not happy, though it has the ideas there.

    Then had to get UKIP in somehow…

  39. 39
    650 cunts sitting in the HoC says:

    Oh, we always have an agenda. It’s just that you lot don’t know what it is.

  40. 40
    Janice Nicholls on Juke Box Jury says:

    Oi’ll give it foive

  41. 41
    UKIP, the only solution says:

    Touchy feely?

    Close hands around the throat of a selected liblabcon politician and squeeze firmly.

    Now thats a touchy feely I could get behind.

  42. 42
    The ONS says:

    In the great scheme of things someone somewhere must have PowerPointed and presented his porn stash by accident.

  43. 43
    Fuckwit Watch says:

    Craig Oliver – ex BBC and raised in Scotland.

    Nuff said about this fuckwit!

  44. 44
    Benny Fitz-Clements says:

    Or perhaps more accurately, the Benefits Party

  45. 45
    Anon. says:

    Here’s the leader. Labour MP and Labour Council turn gold into sh#t.
    The Democrats did the the same with Detroit. But at least some do alright out of it.

  46. 46
    Papers Please says:

    He’ll be an immigrant from outside the EU before the end of the year then.

  47. 47
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! Out! Out! Out!

  48. 48
    Ed Miliband says:

    When i’m in No 10 Benefits street things will improve. One nation!

  49. 49
    Libertarian Times says:

    You are of course referring to Americans.

  50. 50

    He has a Condom but it is Toulouse.

  51. 51
    Lord Greville Janner says:

    GULP !

  52. 52
    Ian Smith says:

    Universal Credit will be delivered on time and on budget.

  53. 53
    Joe Public II says:

    Forget Arthur. It’s Dave we need to Out, in all senses of the word.

  54. 54
    Ah! Monika says:

    You missed the double entendre. Always look for a double / triple in my posts.

  55. 55
    Ah! Monika says:

    Good rugby player too.

  56. 56
    Ah! Monika says:

    OOPS missed it. V Good

  57. 57

    I fear that you are far too clever for me. ;-)

  58. 58

    Always look for a double / triple… :-D

  59. 59
  60. 60
    Percy says:

    Is that the black hole in their pension fund or in their “duty of care” legal claim fund?

  61. 61
    Dirty ole Bugger says:

    No, but you can stop sucking his cock now.

  62. 62
    FFS says:

    Am I still banned for making a possibly libellous comment?

  63. 63
  64. 64
    Old Rocker says:

    Thank Your Lucky Stars methinks.

  65. 65
    Blooming Godfrey says:

    He needs to watch this.

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