January 15th, 2014

SKETCH: PM’s Answers More Than Enough for These PMQs
Bercow Compare and Contrast: Bullying Works

The surge in good economic news and the collapse of the Socialist experiment in France has added two new characters to the opposition front bench.

A surly, sullen but above all silent Ed Balls – and a wounded fawn of a Labour leader.

They still do the look they’ve always done – cocked heads looking at the PM as if to say, “What a curious person saying such peculiar things. I wonder if he knows what he thinks he’s saying sounds like?” At school it was called “dumb insolence”. It amused us but works no better now than it did then.

Cameron was back as the Master of the House thanking three or four Labour Members for their suggestions, commending opponents, smiling, taking things seriously, not rising to the bait.

Doe-eyed Ed stood up, a little saddened by the prolonged Tory cheers, not angry but disappointed. His plan for a responsible House of Commons has gone the same way as a responsible capitalism – and for the same reason. You can’t suppress the animal spirits of the people (and nor should you try, according to Keynes).

He said RBS was paying bonuses of 100 per cent of salary and that it was all wrong, wrong, wrong what with the cost of living crisis.

Cameron gave a complete parliamentary answer saying that overall pay at the bank has not and would not rise.

However incomplete the answer might have been outside the chamber, inside it Labour was crushed. “He rises with all the moral authority of Reverend Flowers,” was one of Cameron’s laughing jibes.

The cost of living crisis featured very lightly, now that inflation is down and real wages are rising. Too far too fast wasn’t mentioned at all, except by Cameron. And Ed Balls’ contribution was limited to very small head shaking. It was a complete rout.

“What’s the point of Plan B when Plan A is working so well?” Angie Bray asked to great shouts. And as for Andrew Bridgen, he at last scored in the House quoting Miliband’s admiration of Hollande. “What Hollande is doing in France,” (chortling) “I want to do in Britain!”

That created a variety of mental images, none to Ed Miliband’s credit, and one or two of the images needed wiping immediately.

What a pair of poppets. They’re supposed to be such thoughtful, clever, canny, highly-educated, well qualified strategists.

They lived through boom and lived through bust, and there on the point of great change, at the crux of the opportunity they made the wrong calls on everything.

And where they may have had a point their policies were of the playground.

PS: Speaker-pathologists will note that his handling of the House has changed very markedly. His manner is crisp and professional, he is calling his old enemies, he is even-handed.

Compared with the malevolent, partisan, narcissistic pre-Christmas Bercow, this Bercow is almost respectable. The lesson? When you are being persecuted by a nasty little bully, bully him back. Bercow has shown us the truth: bullying works.


  1. 1
    Lard Everard says:


  2. 2
    Ziggy says:

    This lot in the HoC would be dangerous if it wasn’t for the EU control?


  3. 3
    Rhubarb says:

    ‘Scuse me, but do you mean ‘fawn’ or ‘faun’? There is a difference you know!


  4. 4
    Les says:

    Standing up to bullies always works!


    • 7
      Lard Pressclott of Beams, Bellies, Banjos, Bulimia, two bog seats, two Jags & Shags. says:

      oh yeah ??


      • 32
        oh yess please says:

        bullimic burgers are fine in humpstead. what about bolivia. who will proxy for them. an approximation will do in this great nation of hours.

        ho ho ho works when the up yrs is in. someone has to be the rector, like it or not. hence the need for nicei cumfort.

        say yess to work. at heart is the door keeper who works.
        hinge on one side and bracket on the other. and what works is the yaketyyack in the midle.

        a tite jacket reveals d bulging middle. billionare arcadia does. yaketyyk. time to bulge up. break the bulb first.


  5. 5
    Rennard the foxiest, sexiest of guys (lolololololol) says:

    Pancake race?
    Two lumps of lard.


  6. 8
    Labour are shit says:

    There goes Labours plan ‘A’ may I suggest they now adopt Zyclon ‘B’


  7. 9
    English for Beginners says:

    “And Ed Balls’ contribution”



    • 11
      Not when I were at skool says:

      Nope. ” Balls’ ” is correct. Or was when I was at skool. Although starting a sentence with ‘And’ or, indeed, ‘Although’ would have you beaten on the soles of your feet with a rubber truncheon.


      • 36
        Fowler - consult my book on English usage says:

        Balls’ s is correct. Single syllable words ending in s should have ‘s added.


        • 47
          Not when I were at skool says:

          Single syllable words ending in ‘s’ you say?

          If you say so.


          • Anonymous says:



          • Ed Ball's's's's opinion says:



          • Grammar school boy says:

            Possessive singular ‘s

            Possessive plural s’

            The apostrophe goes directly after the thing doing the possessing.

            The archbishop’s palace = the palace of the archbishop.
            The archbishops’ palace = the palace of the archbishops.

            It has nothing to do with syllables.

            Guido gets it wrong every time.


          • Howay the Lads says:

            Balls is a singular name, not the plural of ball, so the archbishop(s) analogy is irrelevant.


        • 48
          Ed Ball's's's's opinion says:

          The ‘ is correct as that indicates possession, and I intend to possess as much as possible.


        • 61
          Howdy the Lads says:

          Agreed – like St James’s Park.


        • 90
          Grammar school boy says:

          Indeed. If the word contains two esses already you don’t have to add another, so it’s James’s but Moses’ and Jesus’.


          • Hooning on the front bench, yes indeed says:

            + Zillions

            To all the rest – if you must be a fucking pedant, better be sure you get it fucking right, you bunch of hoons.


          • Anon says:

            Hooning – you should have used the plural “fucking pedants”. Get it fucking right yourself you tw@t.


        • 130
          Jethro says:

          36 Why ever anybody ever refers to the Fowlers as to some undeniable authority, I cannot imagine – any more than I can imagine why Oxford printed their between-the-Wars equivalent of trendiness. At least one of the duo was a Civil Servant, was he not? Need more be said?


  8. 14
    Mark Wouters says:

    Hello ,now ive had my first argument with my GP yesterday and i think shes still a raging Tory fascist.
    I still have no food and no money, the Leeds city council are yet again trying to stop housing benefit ,(THEY MUST REALLY LIKE ME !)and push me further into debt,i feel that im not ready for the Psychological re-education or the concentration camp yet, though forced Labour on the JSA isnt what im looking for nor the oven.


    • 22
      Money Saving Expert says:

      How much is the broadband a month?


    • 28
      The Gulag says:

      Ready for re-education, but not yet ready to get a job or set up in self-employment.


    • 30
      Websters Lefty Dictionary says:

      Raging Tory fascist

      Anyone who deems to disagree with the current mindhive thinking.

      See also, Wacist, Sexist, and Economist.


    • 49
      timinsingapore says:

      No. Balls’s is correct, as in St James’s Park. Absence of the possessive ‘s’ is something favoured only by American copy-editors. If the possessive were being applied to a plural noun, as in ‘his balls’ unusual appearance’, it would be a different matter.


      • 57
        Ed Ball's's's's opinion says:

        You may well be correct, if only you were answering the issue further up :)


        • 117
          Balls Up says:

          No he’s still be a twat even if the twat had managed to put his fucking post in the right fucking place.

          Proper names use a different rule as any fule no.

          Jesus’ teachings
          NOT for god’s sake, Jesus’s teachings, it would make him look like a retarded 7 year old.


    • 116
      Whingingleftytwatwatch says:

      How long has Leeds been under Labour control?


      • 129
        Anonymous says:

        Apparently not long enough, as if it had been I’m sure that the Labour party would have helped all those poor vulnerable people. After all, aren’t they the people Labour champion?


  9. 15
  10. 16
    Francois Hollande's Massive Cock says:

    The leftist filth at BBC Radio Five Labour are shitting themsleves at the economic news

    They are desperate to twist any piece of good data with even more gusto than they revelled in the bad data, but i am confident the next Tory PM, will smash that nest of parasitic filth


    • 38
      Dave Cummerbund says:

      is that a coded way of saying you think the next Tory PM won’t be me?


    • 59
      Fish says:

      I see that the BBC’s VD was back on the cost of living meme again this morning. Interviewing people who have had to borrow money from their parent to pay for their gas and electricity.

      My biggest monthly outgoing is for my rates. Twice as much as my energy bills and largely because the previous labour council spent my money like there’s no tomorrow. Fortunately they’ve been frozen since the Tories took over.


      • 87
        Herb Peace says:

        VD = Venereal Disease ?


      • 128
        Vlad the Loudhailer says:

        North East Lincolnshire and East Yorkshire councils, both Labour, have just announce a 2% Rate rise against the Government’s wishes.

        How does this fit with Milband’s promise to enrich the middle classes or does enriching means something else in Labour speak?


    • 118
      Cameron ain't no tory honey chil' says:

      The next Tory PM won’t be until 2020 at the earliest.


  11. 17
    Privatise the BBC says:

    Another excellent sketch and it is endorsed by the fact that the BBC went the other way completely.


    • 56
      altruism in industry says:

      I like the “dumb insolence” bit


    • 66
      Bill Quango MP/5 says:

      LBC’s reviewer went much further left than BBC 5.
      A victory for Miliband? Not even 5 live went that far prefering ‘Cameron just shaded it’

      Does James O’Brien pick his reporter of PMQ’s? Its always pro Labour. As is his show.

      No harm in that. He doesn’t hide that fact like BBC presenters. Iits openly left wing and I recommend it for the comedy value alone.


  12. 19
    fed-up in britain says:

    fat odious bastard.


  13. 20
    Ed Miliband says:

    I need a rapid cabinet makeover. I think I’ll bring Derek Hatton in as Shadow Chancellor, that’ll work.


  14. 21
    A tin of quality street makes better predictions than most Polls says:

    The Libdems are like the toffee’s in yellow wrappers that are often last to be picked.


  15. 23
    Seek and Ye Shall Find. Edward Miliband 24 July 2012 says:

    “What President Hollande is seeking to do in France and what he is seeking to do in leading the debate in Europe is find that different way forward.

    “We are in agreement in seeking that new way that needs to be found and I think can be found.”



    • 27
      nell says:

      I don’t think any of us, including militwit, that Hollande’s New Way would turn out to be trying to become the next Silvio Berlusconi.


  16. 26
    Calamity Clegg says:

    We want more women to vote Lib Dem!


  17. 34
    RSVP says:


    • 41
      UKIP voter says:

      I’m sure I have much to learn from a bloke half my age who has never held down a real job or raised a family.


      • 53
        Polly Toynbee says:

        If you prefer you could be lectured by somebody twice your age who has never had a job.


        • 64
          Rennardé says:

          Polly do you know the difference between fettuccine and fellatio?

          If no would you like to come to a Lib Dem wine and pasta party?


      • 82
        (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:



      • 98
        Another UKIP voter says:

        “I’m sure I have much to learn from a bloke half my age who has never held down a real job or raised a family.”

        These bright young things believe that intelligence always trumps wisdom and experience.

        In Owen’s case he has neither intelligence or wisdom.


      • 119
        Don't pick up the soap! says:

        He could teach you a thing or two about the love that used to dare not speak its name, as could Cameron, if you weren’t careful.


    • 42
      HRH The Heir Apparent says:

      Whatever ‘love’ is.


    • 44
      Owen Jones says:

      The Up later … is just an aspiration, as I’m off down Canal Street.


    • 46
      owens column (oh missus) says:

      ‘Up later’?
      Owen, keep your private life to yourself big boy.


    • 60
      Keep Calm, Vote UKIP says:

      Sure that those who feel betrayed by Labour and have headed over to UKIP will take note of this.

      Keep up the good work Owen.

      Vote UKIP.


    • 104
      A Right Fucking Bastard says:

      You mean you want Farage to do you up the dirtbox?

      You horrible little pervert.


  18. 37
    Half a Million, errr 500,000 says:

    ‘Cause baby, there ain’t no bicycle high enough
    Ain’t no pedal low enough, ain’t no saddle wide enough
    To keep me from squashing under you, baby


  19. 40

    Fine sketch!

    The juxtaposition of the failure of left wing approaches (if they can be called such – Rennard apart) and gradual progress of semi-competent management by this government is well made.

    But fortuity alone will not make us a great nation again. It will not even prevent the socialists from getting elected again, God forbid.

    The first stirrings of the UKIP onslaught are appearing to the Conservatives rather in the way when one wakes up from a deep sleep. Hazy, uncertain, what was dream and what is reality?

    The real work is still to be done.


  20. 50
    I wanna fondle says:

    Has anyone ever used FoI to find out how many sex addicts are in the Lib Dems?


    • 73
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      Start by assuming all of them and be surprised if any aren’t. When you’re a member of the smallest populist party in the UK and an albatross round the neck of serious government, you’ve got to do something to keep up morale.


      • 102
        (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

        It strikes me that there has been so little real work to do in the corridors of power that distractions of a sexual nature have naturally filled the void.
        Maybe thats why Ms Flint looked as if she’d just got out of bed on the DP show, maybe she had!


  21. 52
    Serious Crime at the BBC says:

    what was supposed to be the crime, grabbing her tits, causing her to stutter live on the radio, or both?


    • 107
      Fish says:

      I find these cases seriously troubling.

      – Witnesses are able to give evidence from behind a curtain (are the jury and the defendant able to see them and their reactions to being cross examined?)

      – Witnesses are able to rename anonymous. Why? Do the defendants know who is accusing them? How on earth can you defend yourself against allegations 50 years old? One of the arguments about naming defendants is that others may come forward. That surely has to apply to accusers (some previous cases have unearthed accusers who have made multiple complaints)

      – Someone is seemingly being prosecuted and his ‘crimes’ considered against the values of 2014. I’m not condoning criminality but if these allegations are true they have to been seen in the context of the 60’s

      General points these – not specific to any particular case.


  22. 71
    Fish says:


    Will he last until the election? Is it true that the Balls’ are on manoeuvers? Where’s DUEMA when you need it?



    • 77
      Paniagua V5 says:

      Just like his idol Hollandé.

      His problem is also mounting from what I have read.


    • 84
      Flatline says:

      Ed’s popularity is dropping too far too fast. At this rate he’ll be ditched by Labour in time for the next GE.


    • 94
      jgm2 says:

      Ed Miliband is useless. But Ed Balls is even more of a voter repellent. It’s hilarious watching Balls getting duffed up and having to bite his tongue under orders from the deputy head prefect.

      Both of them seem to lack any self awareness of just how much they lack any gravitas or credibility. Miliband trying to sound like an elder statesman – just like William Hague used to do in his brief stint as Tory leader, in love with (in his deluded mind) the sonerous tones of his own voice – and Balls Seig-heiling his way through PMQ.

      And when they do tone it down they get kicked up and down the pitch by the Tories.

      Labour are now stuck with this duo. The Tories might do what I once thought to be impossible ie not only avoid a ‘double dip’ but actually defeat Labour in 2015. Of course while we’re being distracted by the Punch and Judy of PMQ Labour are out there signing up postal voters in their 100,000s.


  23. 76
    Benny Fitz-Clements says:


  24. 78
    Rennard says says:


  25. 92
    Fuck the EU says:

    And how much money has been wasted on EU membership today ?

    Too much.


  26. 109
    MB. says:

    ‘“He rises with all the moral authority of Reverend Flowers,”’

    I wonder if someone will use that against Clegg, substituting Lord Rennard’s name for Flowers?


    • 112
      An employee at RBS says:

      What does Flowers have to do with bonuses among RBS staff?

      As someone who has always previously voted Tory I find the Prime Minister and his remarks offensive and will definitely be voting against him and his party in the future.


      • 122
        Shall we all stop being offended for a fucking minute? says:

        Nothing but that’s not the point. He was referring to Milliband, as the Co-Op banks were funders of the Labour party.

        You took offense for no good reason at all.


  27. 111
    A midget persecuted by left wing leeches! says:

    Come on bullying lefty leeches! Take you on with one hand tied behind my back! Scumbags!


  28. 114
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Will Ed Miliband last the year?

    I hope he does! He’s sounding more and more like that moneysavingexpert bore, a good consumer champion to help you save some cash but not a statesman ready to lead the nation.


  29. 125
    Big Bullying Lefty Stunt. says:

    Come on Guido! Get the law changed to end the Bullyboy Unions. Disgraceful!



  30. 127
    CCHQ says:

    Money well spent – thanks Guido


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