January 15th, 2014

SKETCH: PM’s Answers More Than Enough for These PMQs
Bercow Compare and Contrast: Bullying Works

The surge in good economic news and the collapse of the Socialist experiment in France has added two new characters to the opposition front bench.

A surly, sullen but above all silent Ed Balls – and a wounded fawn of a Labour leader.

They still do the look they’ve always done – cocked heads looking at the PM as if to say, “What a curious person saying such peculiar things. I wonder if he knows what he thinks he’s saying sounds like?” At school it was called “dumb insolence”. It amused us but works no better now than it did then.

Cameron was back as the Master of the House thanking three or four Labour Members for their suggestions, commending opponents, smiling, taking things seriously, not rising to the bait.

Doe-eyed Ed stood up, a little saddened by the prolonged Tory cheers, not angry but disappointed. His plan for a responsible House of Commons has gone the same way as a responsible capitalism – and for the same reason. You can’t suppress the animal spirits of the people (and nor should you try, according to Keynes).

He said RBS was paying bonuses of 100 per cent of salary and that it was all wrong, wrong, wrong what with the cost of living crisis.

Cameron gave a complete parliamentary answer saying that overall pay at the bank has not and would not rise.

However incomplete the answer might have been outside the chamber, inside it Labour was crushed. “He rises with all the moral authority of Reverend Flowers,” was one of Cameron’s laughing jibes.

The cost of living crisis featured very lightly, now that inflation is down and real wages are rising. Too far too fast wasn’t mentioned at all, except by Cameron. And Ed Balls’ contribution was limited to very small head shaking. It was a complete rout.

“What’s the point of Plan B when Plan A is working so well?” Angie Bray asked to great shouts. And as for Andrew Bridgen, he at last scored in the House quoting Miliband’s admiration of Hollande. “What Hollande is doing in France,” (chortling) “I want to do in Britain!”

That created a variety of mental images, none to Ed Miliband’s credit, and one or two of the images needed wiping immediately.

What a pair of poppets. They’re supposed to be such thoughtful, clever, canny, highly-educated, well qualified strategists.

They lived through boom and lived through bust, and there on the point of great change, at the crux of the opportunity they made the wrong calls on everything.

And where they may have had a point their policies were of the playground.

PS: Speaker-pathologists will note that his handling of the House has changed very markedly. His manner is crisp and professional, he is calling his old enemies, he is even-handed.

Compared with the malevolent, partisan, narcissistic pre-Christmas Bercow, this Bercow is almost respectable. The lesson? When you are being persecuted by a nasty little bully, bully him back. Bercow has shown us the truth: bullying works.


136 Comments

  1. 1
    Lard Everard says:

  2. 2
    Ziggy says:

    This lot in the HoC would be dangerous if it wasn’t for the EU control?

  3. 3
    Rhubarb says:

    ‘Scuse me, but do you mean ‘fawn’ or ‘faun’? There is a difference you know!

  4. 4
    Les says:

    Standing up to bullies always works!

  5. 5
    Rennard the foxiest, sexiest of guys (lolololololol) says:

    Pancake race?
    Two lumps of lard.

  6. 6
    Ziggy says:

    TWAT

  7. 7
    Lard Pressclott of Beams, Bellies, Banjos, Bulimia, two bog seats, two Jags & Shags. says:

    oh yeah ??

  8. 8
    Labour are shit says:

    There goes Labours plan ‘A’ may I suggest they now adopt Zyclon ‘B’

  9. 9
    English for Beginners says:

    “And Ed Balls’ contribution”

    Balls’s

  10. 10
    tumble says:

    @tw

  11. 11
    Not when I were at skool says:

    Nope. ” Balls’ ” is correct. Or was when I was at skool. Although starting a sentence with ‘And’ or, indeed, ‘Although’ would have you beaten on the soles of your feet with a rubber truncheon.

  12. 12
    The Public says:

    He’s not welcome to represent us in Parliament any more.

  13. 13
    break the shed says:

    the head wins.

  14. 14
    Mark Wouters says:

    sovietsalami63,
    Hello ,now ive had my first argument with my GP yesterday and i think shes still a raging Tory fascist.
    I still have no food and no money, the Leeds city council are yet again trying to stop housing benefit ,(THEY MUST REALLY LIKE ME !)and push me further into debt,i feel that im not ready for the Psychological re-education or the concentration camp yet, though forced Labour on the JSA isnt what im looking for nor the oven.

  15. 15
  16. 16
    Francois Hollande's Massive Cock says:

    The leftist filth at BBC Radio Five Labour are shitting themsleves at the economic news

    They are desperate to twist any piece of good data with even more gusto than they revelled in the bad data, but i am confident the next Tory PM, will smash that nest of parasitic filth

  17. 17
    Privatise the BBC says:

    Another excellent sketch and it is endorsed by the fact that the BBC went the other way completely.

  18. 18
    unwins says:

    that will be 2 pounds.

  19. 19
    fed-up in britain says:

    fat odious bastard.

  20. 20
    Ed Miliband says:

    I need a rapid cabinet makeover. I think I’ll bring Derek Hatton in as Shadow Chancellor, that’ll work.

  21. 21
    A tin of quality street makes better predictions than most Polls says:

    The Libdems are like the toffee’s in yellow wrappers that are often last to be picked.

  22. 22
    Money Saving Expert says:

    How much is the broadband a month?

  23. 23
    Seek and Ye Shall Find. Edward Miliband 24 July 2012 says:

    “What President Hollande is seeking to do in France and what he is seeking to do in leading the debate in Europe is find that different way forward.

    “We are in agreement in seeking that new way that needs to be found and I think can be found.”

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/ed-miliband/9423448/Ed-Miliband-welcomed-by-Francois-Hollande-on-Elysee-Palace-steps.html

  24. 24
    Someone says:

    No rehabilitation for you Rennard. Crwal away under a rock and stay there.

  25. 25
    Cabinet makeover kit says:

    A box cutter a baseball bat and a can of petrol.

  26. 26
    Calamity Clegg says:

    We want more women to vote Lib Dem!

  27. 27
    nell says:

    I don’t think any of us, including militwit, that Hollande’s New Way would turn out to be trying to become the next Silvio Berlusconi.

  28. 28
    The Gulag says:

    Ready for re-education, but not yet ready to get a job or set up in self-employment.

  29. 29
    Godfrey Bloom says:

    Any vacancies then Nick?

  30. 30
    Websters Lefty Dictionary says:

    Raging Tory fascist

    Anyone who deems to disagree with the current mindhive thinking.

    See also, Wacist, Sexist, and Economist.

  31. 31
    Anonymous says:

    For me, it was always the red cracknel.

  32. 32
    oh yess please says:

    bullimic burgers are fine in humpstead. what about bolivia. who will proxy for them. an approximation will do in this great nation of hours.

    ho ho ho works when the up yrs is in. someone has to be the rector, like it or not. hence the need for nicei cumfort.

    say yess to work. at heart is the door keeper who works.
    hinge on one side and bracket on the other. and what works is the yaketyyack in the midle.

    a tite jacket reveals d bulging middle. billionare arcadia does. yaketyyk. time to bulge up. break the bulb first.

  33. 33
    is it elastic. says:

    my shorts are tite.

  34. 34
    RSVP says:

  35. 35
    Lord Rennard says:

    I was summoned to the LibDem whips office and was surprised at the selection.

  36. 36
    Fowler - consult my book on English usage says:

    Balls’ s is correct. Single syllable words ending in s should have ‘s added.

  37. 37
    Half a Million, errr 500,000 says:

    ‘Cause baby, there ain’t no bicycle high enough
    Ain’t no pedal low enough, ain’t no saddle wide enough
    To keep me from squashing under you, baby

  38. 38
    Dave Cummerbund says:

    is that a coded way of saying you think the next Tory PM won’t be me?

  39. 39
    Thugsville says:

    The sound of 500,00 stolen bikes must make a right racket.

  40. 40

    Fine sketch!

    The juxtaposition of the failure of left wing approaches (if they can be called such – Rennard apart) and gradual progress of semi-competent management by this government is well made.

    But fortuity alone will not make us a great nation again. It will not even prevent the socialists from getting elected again, God forbid.

    The first stirrings of the UKIP onslaught are appearing to the Conservatives rather in the way when one wakes up from a deep sleep. Hazy, uncertain, what was dream and what is reality?

    The real work is still to be done.

  41. 41
    UKIP voter says:

    I’m sure I have much to learn from a bloke half my age who has never held down a real job or raised a family.

  42. 42
    HRH The Heir Apparent says:

    Whatever ‘love’ is.

  43. 43
    Rennardé says:

    When I wake up I usually have a stiffy.

  44. 44
    Owen Jones says:

    The Up later … is just an aspiration, as I’m off down Canal Street.

  45. 45
    Dyson says:

    As Labour economic credibility drains away, there is a power vacuum

  46. 46
    owens column (oh missus) says:

    ‘Up later’?
    Smirk.
    Owen, keep your private life to yourself big boy.

  47. 47
    Not when I were at skool says:

    Single syllable words ending in ‘s’ you say?

    If you say so.

  48. 48
    Ed Ball's's's's opinion says:

    The ‘ is correct as that indicates possession, and I intend to possess as much as possible.

  49. 49
    timinsingapore says:

    No. Balls’s is correct, as in St James’s Park. Absence of the possessive ‘s’ is something favoured only by American copy-editors. If the possessive were being applied to a plural noun, as in ‘his balls’ unusual appearance’, it would be a different matter.

  50. 50
    I wanna fondle says:

    Has anyone ever used FoI to find out how many sex addicts are in the Lib Dems?

  51. 51
    UAF says:

    We heard he’s tiny

  52. 52
    Serious Crime at the BBC says:

    what was supposed to be the crime, grabbing her tits, causing her to stutter live on the radio, or both?

  53. 53
    Polly Toynbee says:

    If you prefer you could be lectured by somebody twice your age who has never had a job.

  54. 54
    Is there a connection? says:

    Meanwhile In China the economy grows as bicycle miles fall.

  55. 55
    Anonymous says:

    WTF?

  56. 56
    altruism in industry says:

    I like the “dumb insolence” bit

  57. 57
    Ed Ball's's's's opinion says:

    You may well be correct, if only you were answering the issue further up :)

  58. 58
    Ed Ball's's's's opinion says:

    WTF’s

  59. 59
    Fish says:

    I see that the BBC’s VD was back on the cost of living meme again this morning. Interviewing people who have had to borrow money from their parent to pay for their gas and electricity.

    My biggest monthly outgoing is for my rates. Twice as much as my energy bills and largely because the previous labour council spent my money like there’s no tomorrow. Fortunately they’ve been frozen since the Tories took over.

  60. 60
    Keep Calm, Vote UKIP says:

    Sure that those who feel betrayed by Labour and have headed over to UKIP will take note of this.

    Keep up the good work Owen.

    Vote UKIP.

  61. 61
    Howdy the Lads says:

    Agreed – like St James’s Park.

  62. 62
  63. 63
    Fish says:

    Owen Jones will do the trick. He knows the answer to everying

  64. 64
    Rennardé says:

    Polly do you know the difference between fettuccine and fellatio?

    If no would you like to come to a Lib Dem wine and pasta party?

  65. 65
    Howay the Lads says:

    Howdy? Bloody American autocorrect!

  66. 66
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    LBC’s reviewer went much further left than BBC 5.
    A victory for Miliband? Not even 5 live went that far prefering ‘Cameron just shaded it’

    Does James O’Brien pick his reporter of PMQ’s? Its always pro Labour. As is his show.

    No harm in that. He doesn’t hide that fact like BBC presenters. Iits openly left wing and I recommend it for the comedy value alone.

  67. 67
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    Those are the best ones! Its coconut that suck.

  68. 68
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    In Hackney it’s more likely to be 100 bikes stolen 50,000 times each.

  69. 69
    You mean says:

    Barrister Constance Briscoe?

  70. 70
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Wear boxing gloves.

  71. 71
    Fish says:

    ‘ED MILIBAND’S PROBLEMS ARE MOUNTING’

    Will he last until the election? Is it true that the Balls’ are on manoeuvers? Where’s DUEMA when you need it?

    http://blogs.spectator.co.uk/coffeehouse/2014/01/ed-milibands-problems-are-mounting/

  72. 72
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    He was going too far, too fast.

  73. 73
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Start by assuming all of them and be surprised if any aren’t. When you’re a member of the smallest populist party in the UK and an albatross round the neck of serious government, you’ve got to do something to keep up morale.

  74. 74
    Cynic2 says:

    i assume there was a woman’s arse just out of shot to the right

  75. 75
    Cynic2 says:

    Its disgusting – a Lib Dem who is straight

  76. 76
    Benny Fitz-Clements says:

  77. 77
    Paniagua V5 says:

    Just like his idol Hollandé.

    His problem is also mounting from what I have read.

  78. 78
    Rennard says says:

  79. 79
    Grammar school boy says:

    Possessive singular ‘s

    Possessive plural s’

    The apostrophe goes directly after the thing doing the possessing.

    The archbishop’s palace = the palace of the archbishop.
    The archbishops’ palace = the palace of the archbishops.

    It has nothing to do with syllables.

    Guido gets it wrong every time.

  80. 80
    I hate socialists. says:

    Is it just my imagination or are the wheels coming off Labours bandwagon.

  81. 81
    Straight to the POINT says:

  82. 82
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    +100000

  83. 83
    Psyche the Dog says:

    You are using all the right words, but not necessarilu in the right order.

  84. 84
    Flatline says:

    Ed’s popularity is dropping too far too fast. At this rate he’ll be ditched by Labour in time for the next GE.

  85. 85
    Wait - what! says:

    I can guess the name of one person that wasn’t cycling.

  86. 86
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    You have to love Owen, any thicker and he would coagulate, bless!

  87. 87
    Herb Peace says:

    VD = Venereal Disease ?

  88. 88
    The French Media says:

    Is he a philatelist?

  89. 89
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Would I be better off returning to my blank sheet of paper ?

  90. 90
    Grammar school boy says:

    Indeed. If the word contains two esses already you don’t have to add another, so it’s James’s but Moses’ and Jesus’.

  91. 91
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    Similarly Liverpool.

  92. 92
    Fuck the EU says:

    And how much money has been wasted on EU membership today ?

    Too much.

  93. 93
    Diane Abbot says:

    Typical assumptive Right Wing smear.

    I’ll have you know I was on my Menstrual Cycle.

  94. 94
    jgm2 says:

    Ed Miliband is useless. But Ed Balls is even more of a voter repellent. It’s hilarious watching Balls getting duffed up and having to bite his tongue under orders from the deputy head prefect.

    Both of them seem to lack any self awareness of just how much they lack any gravitas or credibility. Miliband trying to sound like an elder statesman – just like William Hague used to do in his brief stint as Tory leader, in love with (in his deluded mind) the sonerous tones of his own voice – and Balls Seig-heiling his way through PMQ.

    And when they do tone it down they get kicked up and down the pitch by the Tories.

    Labour are now stuck with this duo. The Tories might do what I once thought to be impossible ie not only avoid a ‘double dip’ but actually defeat Labour in 2015. Of course while we’re being distracted by the Punch and Judy of PMQ Labour are out there signing up postal voters in their 100,000s.

  95. 95
    Paniagua V5 says:

    He does like to lick a tramp stamp now and again I hear.

  96. 96
    Youre back says:

    Must be 6 months.

  97. 97
    RomaBob.... Beeg Issue, Beeg Issue! says:

    hahahahahahaha

  98. 98
    Another UKIP voter says:

    “I’m sure I have much to learn from a bloke half my age who has never held down a real job or raised a family.”

    These bright young things believe that intelligence always trumps wisdom and experience.

    In Owen’s case he has neither intelligence or wisdom.

  99. 99
    CYNICAL OLD GIT says:

    What a mealy mouthed answer , is in incapable of using the words, LAZY, SCROUNGING ,IDLE ,THIEVING , ILLITERATE , BASTARDS ?

  100. 100
    RomaBob.... Beeg Issue, Beeg Issue! says:

    How many EU immigrant prisoners languishing in our prisons?

  101. 101
    Diane Fatbott says:

    Stop bullying me ! Are you a waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccist ??

  102. 102
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    It strikes me that there has been so little real work to do in the corridors of power that distractions of a sexual nature have naturally filled the void.
    Maybe thats why Ms Flint looked as if she’d just got out of bed on the DP show, maybe she had!

  103. 103
    jgm2 says:

    Have they sorted out the black hole of ‘moderation’ yet?

  104. 104
    A Right Fucking Bastard says:

    You mean you want Farage to do you up the dirtbox?

    You horrible little pervert.

  105. 105
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Cue the theme tune to Benny Hill :-)

  106. 106
    Village Idiot says:

    …..”What would you find in a tin of “Benefit Street”..?

  107. 107
    Fish says:

    I find these cases seriously troubling.

    – Witnesses are able to give evidence from behind a curtain (are the jury and the defendant able to see them and their reactions to being cross examined?)

    – Witnesses are able to rename anonymous. Why? Do the defendants know who is accusing them? How on earth can you defend yourself against allegations 50 years old? One of the arguments about naming defendants is that others may come forward. That surely has to apply to accusers (some previous cases have unearthed accusers who have made multiple complaints)

    – Someone is seemingly being prosecuted and his ‘crimes’ considered against the values of 2014. I’m not condoning criminality but if these allegations are true they have to been seen in the context of the 60’s

    General points these – not specific to any particular case.

  108. 108
    Howay the Lads says:

    Balls is a singular name, not the plural of ball, so the archbishop(s) analogy is irrelevant.

  109. 109
    MB. says:

    ‘“He rises with all the moral authority of Reverend Flowers,”’

    I wonder if someone will use that against Clegg, substituting Lord Rennard’s name for Flowers?

  110. 110
    The UKIP Hoover says:

    Don’t worry – those votes are being hoovered up quite efficiently.

  111. 111
    A midget persecuted by left wing leeches! says:

    Come on bullying lefty leeches! Take you on with one hand tied behind my back! Scumbags!

  112. 112
    An employee at RBS says:

    What does Flowers have to do with bonuses among RBS staff?

    As someone who has always previously voted Tory I find the Prime Minister and his remarks offensive and will definitely be voting against him and his party in the future.

  113. 113
    Hooning on the front bench, yes indeed says:

    + Zillions

    To all the rest – if you must be a fucking pedant, better be sure you get it fucking right, you bunch of hoons.

  114. 114
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Will Ed Miliband last the year?

    I hope he does! He’s sounding more and more like that moneysavingexpert bore, a good consumer champion to help you save some cash but not a statesman ready to lead the nation.

  115. 115
    FingerWatch says:

    Is she saying “smell my fishy finger!”

  116. 116
    Whingingleftytwatwatch says:

    How long has Leeds been under Labour control?

  117. 117
    Balls Up says:

    No he’s still be a twat even if the twat had managed to put his fucking post in the right fucking place.

    Proper names use a different rule as any fule no.

    Jesus’ teachings
    NOT for god’s sake, Jesus’s teachings, it would make him look like a retarded 7 year old.

  118. 118
    Cameron ain't no tory honey chil' says:

    The next Tory PM won’t be until 2020 at the earliest.

  119. 119
    Don't pick up the soap! says:

    He could teach you a thing or two about the love that used to dare not speak its name, as could Cameron, if you weren’t careful.

  120. 120
    Anon says:

    Hooning – you should have used the plural “fucking pedants”. Get it fucking right yourself you tw@t.

  121. 121
    Paranoid Thyroid says:

    Back in 2008 it was a mere £37.5 Million PER DAY we gave to the EU.

    It is probably way more now, I can’t be arsed to look it up.

  122. 122
    Shall we all stop being offended for a fucking minute? says:

    Nothing but that’s not the point. He was referring to Milliband, as the Co-Op banks were funders of the Labour party.

    You took offense for no good reason at all.

  123. 123
    Dave (no relation) says:

    Millyband would be moneywastingexpert.

  124. 124
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Hævê thêÿ fuck æß łīkę

  125. 125
    Big Bullying Lefty Stunt. says:

    Come on Guido! Get the law changed to end the Bullyboy Unions. Disgraceful!

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2538879/RICHARD-LITTLEJOHN-Shoot-flying-pickets.html

  126. 126
    Airey Belvoir says:

    I think that ‘God’ should have a capital ‘G’.

  127. 127
    CCHQ says:

    Money well spent – thanks Guido

  128. 128
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:

    North East Lincolnshire and East Yorkshire councils, both Labour, have just announce a 2% Rate rise against the Government’s wishes.

    How does this fit with Milband’s promise to enrich the middle classes or does enriching means something else in Labour speak?

  129. 129
    Anonymous says:

    Apparently not long enough, as if it had been I’m sure that the Labour party would have helped all those poor vulnerable people. After all, aren’t they the people Labour champion?

  130. 130
    Jethro says:

    36 Why ever anybody ever refers to the Fowlers as to some undeniable authority, I cannot imagine – any more than I can imagine why Oxford printed their between-the-Wars equivalent of trendiness. At least one of the duo was a Civil Servant, was he not? Need more be said?

  131. 131
    The Wizard of Wonganomics says:

    Ed Balls is far more likely to be repossessed.

  132. 132
    A passing cuckoo says:

    Twenty-one minutes late already.

  133. 133
    Rabid dribbler says:

    And the answer to nothing at all. A 30 year old privileged lefty with no intelligence or brain…

    Next!

  134. 134
    Spot the mistake says:

    *toffees, not toffee’s.

  135. 135
    We'll keep the red rag flying here says:

    Typical Labourite – red in tooth claw and cvnt.

  136. 136
    We'll keep the red rag flying here says:

    He’s a typical grasping grubby wan….banker


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