January 15th, 2014

Lesbian Lovers Outed at Hacking Trial

Laughs in court as cleaner Fernando Nascimento gives evidence at the hacking trial this afternoon. It turns out that found inside a jiffy bag in the underground car park beneath Charlie Brooks’ Chelsea Harbour flat was a copy of a renowned piece of literature concerning Sapphic love. Nascimento was pressed further on Brooks’ copy of Lesbian Lovers:

Counsel: “If you had opened it you wouldn’t have forgotten it.”

Nascimento: “I don’t understand English.”

Counsel: “There wasn’t much writing on the magazine.”

Nascimento: “…If I had seen it I might have taken it.”

The case, er, continues…


  1. 1
    Kleenex says:

    The jury may be out for some time

  2. 2
    a non says:

    Somewhere between tottaly miffed and totally muffed. ;)

  3. 3
    Times were hard says:

    Doesn’t Charlie have broadband?

  4. 4
    Randy Marsh says:

    “Cleaner to court 3, cleaner to court 3….sticky spillage in the jury section”.

  5. 5
    Fluffing fox of fleet feet says:

    mmm. Red heads !

  6. 6
    Wait - what! says:


  7. 7
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    A low paid worker who doesn’t understand English doing a job a British person wouldn’t.
    Who said immigration isn’t benefitting the UK economy?

  8. 8
    Ohhhhhh yesssssssssssss says:

    In my little jiffy bag
    There is the latest issue
    Of ‘Lesbian Lovers’ that I read
    And an unused tissue.

    On page thirty-seven
    There are some babes so ripe
    I see them then its aah aah aaaaah
    And then it’s time to wipe.

  9. 9
    Warren Peace says:

    Another bunch of enrichers found guilty of grooming in Peterborough.

  10. 12
    A Ship's Lawyer says:

    I hope the Judge remembers to give this cleaner a nice big reward for doing her public duty.

    • 21
      Minor detail says:

      Err, Fernando is a man’s name…

      • 49
        Fuck the EU says:

        Spa!n are our bitches – never forget that ;-)

      • 57
        Thinking aloud says:

        Perhaps Mr A Lawyer was referring to one of the women on the cover of that magazine?

        I’m sure she’d do a great job cleaning. Getting into the tight crevices and making sure they were spotless….

  11. 13
    Penfold says:

    Well strapadictome, ain’t life all embracing………….

  12. 17
    Fish says:

    And the purpose of this Prosecution disclosure is…..?

  13. 18

    Don’t really see the future in lesbianism.

    Who are you going to sue in forty years time and for what?

  14. 20
    English for Beginners says:

    “Charlie Brooks’ Chelsea Harbour flat”


    Or possibly Brook’s.

  15. 23
    Tatty watch says:

    How long is this crap going to go on for? Throw them all in prison and throw away the key! Skanking!

  16. 24
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Who is Charlie Brooks?

  17. 26
    David Wisteria says:

    I did not know there were Lesbians at Eton.

  18. 29
    nell says:

    And how is this is evidence of hacking? Or is this case losing its way?

    • 34
      The most amusing claim ever says:

      All a bit like Leveson then

    • 35
      A Bin says:

      It is part of the evidence relating to the provenence of the items being brought before the jury – it helps establish the ‘chain’ of possession and how various items innocently came to be in the hands of the prosecution (and hence being admissable) without unlawful means having been resorted to. . . .

    • 37
      Gooey Blob says:

      You must have heard of the campaign group, Whacked Off…?

  19. 36

    * Michael Schumacher has operation on skull to discover any brain damage.
    * Gordon Brown has operation on skull to discover any brain.

  20. 39
    Trepan the left says:

    Miliband needs Balls like he needs a hole in the head.

  21. 40
    Ian Smith says:

    Universal Credit will be delivered on time and on budget.

  22. 41
    Reality check says:

    In such magazines or similar videos, the participants are always shapely and attractive young ladies. In real life, most of those pursuing sapphic pleasures are of the Eagle variety. I can only assume that the forementioned young ladies are faking it.

  23. 43
    Embrace the enrichment says:

    I have a feeling Owen Jones won’t be tweeting his outrage over this, backpack wearing left wing protesters won’t be gathering outside court to chant their fury over this, Diane Abbott won’t be calling for a public inquiry, and the government won’t be inviting the families of the girls to help shape policy. For all of the above, you have to be a gun toting scumbag gangster c-unt who got what he deserved.


    Weep for the death of this country.

    Victims as young as 12 were subjected to “horrific ordeals,” police say as five are convicted of sex attacks in Peterborough

    Judge John Bevan QC said: “Because some of the defendants do not speak good enough English, despite having lived here a long time, three interpreters have worked full time during this case, at a cost of over £30,000.

    • 45
      Embrace the enrichment says:

      The same leftards who bleat about the cost of living crisis are the ones who support a system which spends £30,000 on interpreters for foreign born, benefit claiming chil abusers, r*pists and murderers.

      The Labour legacy continues.

    • 62
      Tom Catesby. says:

      ‘Some of the defendents do not speak good enough English’. How did they communicate with their victims, by pointing?

  24. 44
    George Nobsore says:

    Porn magazines are so twentieth century.

  25. 46
    David Cameron's gut says:

    Mmm, global warming…

  26. 48
    Gordon Brown says:

    When I die I have left my brain to Scottish Power so that they may use it’s tremendous output to alleviate the strain on the electrical grid

  27. 53
    principle boy says:

    What a panto!

    Becky Wade wows them all as ‘Barren Hard-up’.

  28. 56
    JJJ & Partners says:

    Only for the moment are we saying nothing…

  29. 59
    Judge Dread says:

    Is it criminal in any manner or form to have a copy of this magazine Counsel ?

    Have you introduced this matter in evidence purely to personally embarrass the accused?

    • 70
      Flim Ponder says:

      It was Neil Saunders QC, counsel for Brooks, NOT the prosecution, who stated that the magazine was in the jiffy bag.

      “If you had opened it [the jiffy bag], you would not have forgotten it because inside there was a magazine whose title was Lesbian Lovers.”

      He also stated that there were seven DVDs in the bag

  30. 67
    Rob says:

    The Satchi fraud trial turned into days of irrelevant crap about cocaine; what the fuck has a jazz mag found in an underground car park servicing loads of apartments got to do with phone hacking?


    Sorry for the shouting, got a bit emotional.

    • 75
      Johnny Cash-Register says:

      Wake up Dimbo! Don’t you read or understand anything you see on this blog?

      The whole point is for the lawyers to string it all out as long as possible – the longer the better, the higher the fees charged. Ker-bloody-ching. They couldn’t give a stuff who wins or loses – it’s just money in the bank to them all.

      There should be a deadline issued for every case, not one of which should exceed 8 weeks. If cases cannot be resolved within that time frame the lawyers for both sides should be fined 80% of their fees.

      Now how about that for an idea????

  31. 71
    Anonymous says:

    How can someone who doesn’t speak english work in this country?

  32. 78
    FrankField's Buttplug says:

    I have always thought Rebekka looks a bit dykie herself

  33. 80
    Grant Mitchell says:

    Why did she divorce Ross Kemp?

  34. 81
    Anonymous says:

    plenty of that in Holloway.

  35. 84
    Ms Harperson says:

    I demand a Judicial Enquiry over this absolute filth and outrage against Wimmin.

    • 86
      Mr Dromey says:

      Yes, dear. Frankly, I’d rather see a cock-up in The Party and than this sort of thing.

  36. 87
    Richard Timney says:

    Could I get this stuff on the wife’s expenses?

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Sarah Wollaston’s Naming and Shaming of Bloggers | LibDemVoice
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Coulson: Everything You Need to Know in 6 Seconds | MediaGuido
BBC Still Loves the Guardian | Breitbart
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Michael Rosen’s Expert Opinions | MediaGuido

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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