January 15th, 2014

Lesbian Lovers Outed at Hacking Trial

Laughs in court as cleaner Fernando Nascimento gives evidence at the hacking trial this afternoon. It turns out that found inside a jiffy bag in the underground car park beneath Charlie Brooks’ Chelsea Harbour flat was a copy of a renowned piece of literature concerning Sapphic love. Nascimento was pressed further on Brooks’ copy of Lesbian Lovers:

Counsel: “If you had opened it you wouldn’t have forgotten it.”

Nascimento: “I don’t understand English.”

Counsel: “There wasn’t much writing on the magazine.”

Nascimento: “…If I had seen it I might have taken it.”

The case, er, continues…


  1. 1
    Kleenex says:

    The jury may be out for some time

  2. 2
    a non says:

    Somewhere between tottaly miffed and totally muffed. ;)

  3. 3
    Times were hard says:

    Doesn’t Charlie have broadband?

  4. 4
    Randy Marsh says:

    “Cleaner to court 3, cleaner to court 3….sticky spillage in the jury section”.

  5. 5
    Fluffing fox of fleet feet says:

    mmm. Red heads !

  6. 6
    Wait - what! says:


  7. 7
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    A low paid worker who doesn’t understand English doing a job a British person wouldn’t.
    Who said immigration isn’t benefitting the UK economy?

  8. 8
    Ohhhhhh yesssssssssssss says:

    In my little jiffy bag
    There is the latest issue
    Of ‘Lesbian Lovers’ that I read
    And an unused tissue.

    On page thirty-seven
    There are some babes so ripe
    I see them then its aah aah aaaaah
    And then it’s time to wipe.

  9. 9
    Warren Peace says:

    Another bunch of enrichers found guilty of grooming in Peterborough.

  10. 10
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    Maybe, just maybe it belonged to Mrs Brookes?

  11. 11
    RomaBob.... Beeg Issue, Beeg Issue! says:

    Thespian lovers :)

  12. 12
    A Ship's Lawyer says:

    I hope the Judge remembers to give this cleaner a nice big reward for doing her public duty.

  13. 13
    Penfold says:

    Well strapadictome, ain’t life all embracing………….

  14. 14
    Spartacus says:

    that’s not a knife, this is a kn . . .

  15. 15
    Big Beast Ken says:

    Yuck! ‘Gayboy Lovers’, now you’re talking.

  16. 16
    Michael Gove says:

    Filth! Avert your eyes chaps, and Keep Buggering On.

  17. 17
    Fish says:

    And the purpose of this Prosecution disclosure is…..?

  18. 18

    Don’t really see the future in lesbianism.

    Who are you going to sue in forty years time and for what?

  19. 19
    Ken Clarke says:


  20. 20
    English for Beginners says:

    “Charlie Brooks’ Chelsea Harbour flat”


    Or possibly Brook’s.

  21. 21
    Minor detail says:

    Err, Fernando is a man’s name…

  22. 22
    Or so they tell me says:

    Pornhub is your friend.

  23. 23
    Tatty watch says:

    How long is this crap going to go on for? Throw them all in prison and throw away the key! Skanking!

  24. 24
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Who is Charlie Brooks?

  25. 25
    Nigel Mirage says:

    Were they Syrians? Can’t get enough Syrians!

  26. 26
    David Wisteria says:

    I did not know there were Lesbians at Eton.

  27. 27
    Vince Cable says:

    More to the point, who am I?

  28. 28
    Gollum says:

    or Brooksisis

  29. 29
    nell says:

    And how is this is evidence of hacking? Or is this case losing its way?

  30. 30
    A ship's Lawyer says:

    But someone who did the right thing in handing over to the police an expensive computer dumped in a public bin.

    Not many on here would have done that I wager.

  31. 31

    Not whilst they continue to show all those videos of me, it’s not!

  32. 32
    Where Eagles Dare says:

    Come in fanny boy.

  33. 33
    Useless Ed Miliband says:

    Oh woe is me! I’m continuing to slip in the polls and there’s still 16 months to go! If it continues at this rate I’ll be lucky to scrape 150 seats in 2015! Maybe I’ll try bashing the bankers again? Or perhaps announce more price controls on energy? Cripes, I’m getting desperate! If I can only hang on a little longer I could be safe in my job until the election…

  34. 34
    The most amusing claim ever says:

    All a bit like Leveson then

  35. 35
    A Bin says:

    It is part of the evidence relating to the provenence of the items being brought before the jury – it helps establish the ‘chain’ of possession and how various items innocently came to be in the hands of the prosecution (and hence being admissable) without unlawful means having been resorted to. . . .

  36. 36

    * Michael Schumacher has operation on skull to discover any brain damage.
    * Gordon Brown has operation on skull to discover any brain.

  37. 37
    Gooey Blob says:

    You must have heard of the campaign group, Whacked Off…?

  38. 38
    The British Public says:

    Syria is none of our business

  39. 39
    Trepan the left says:

    Miliband needs Balls like he needs a hole in the head.

  40. 40
    Ian Smith says:

    Universal Credit will be delivered on time and on budget.

  41. 41
    Reality check says:

    In such magazines or similar videos, the participants are always shapely and attractive young ladies. In real life, most of those pursuing sapphic pleasures are of the Eagle variety. I can only assume that the forementioned young ladies are faking it.

  42. 42
    H'arry Potter and the jizz of Divine regulation says:

    Another H’ugh G’rant Z Movie ?

  43. 43
    Embrace the enrichment says:

    I have a feeling Owen Jones won’t be tweeting his outrage over this, backpack wearing left wing protesters won’t be gathering outside court to chant their fury over this, Diane Abbott won’t be calling for a public inquiry, and the government won’t be inviting the families of the girls to help shape policy. For all of the above, you have to be a gun toting scumbag gangster c-unt who got what he deserved.


    Weep for the death of this country.

    Victims as young as 12 were subjected to “horrific ordeals,” police say as five are convicted of sex attacks in Peterborough

    Judge John Bevan QC said: “Because some of the defendants do not speak good enough English, despite having lived here a long time, three interpreters have worked full time during this case, at a cost of over £30,000.

  44. 44
    George Nobsore says:

    Porn magazines are so twentieth century.

  45. 45
    Embrace the enrichment says:

    The same leftards who bleat about the cost of living crisis are the ones who support a system which spends £30,000 on interpreters for foreign born, benefit claiming chil abusers, r*pists and murderers.

    The Labour legacy continues.

  46. 46
    David Cameron's gut says:

    Mmm, global warming…

  47. 47
    Casual Observer 5 says:

    It is illegal to take stuff out of a bin, even if you are then going to turn it in to the police.

  48. 48
    Gordon Brown says:

    When I die I have left my brain to Scottish Power so that they may use it’s tremendous output to alleviate the strain on the electrical grid

  49. 49
    Fuck the EU says:

    Spa!n are our bitches – never forget that ;-)

  50. 50
    Non taxable pikey says:

    Non existent Roma.

  51. 51
    ron Vibbentrop says:

    More like a bit more Nigella and the Iraqi

  52. 52
    ron Vibbentrop says:

    Militwat has no balls and Balls has no head

  53. 53
    principle boy says:

    What a panto!

    Becky Wade wows them all as ‘Barren Hard-up’.

  54. 54
    Benny's hill tribesman says:

    You posts are getting Syria and Syria!

  55. 55
    Rev Flowers says:

    Hey that’s mine. Give it back.

  56. 56
    JJJ & Partners says:

    Only for the moment are we saying nothing…

  57. 57
    Thinking aloud says:

    Perhaps Mr A Lawyer was referring to one of the women on the cover of that magazine?

    I’m sure she’d do a great job cleaning. Getting into the tight crevices and making sure they were spotless….

  58. 58
    Oo-er Missus says:

    That’s not what I’ve heard about Yvette

  59. 59
    Judge Dread says:

    Is it criminal in any manner or form to have a copy of this magazine Counsel ?

    Have you introduced this matter in evidence purely to personally embarrass the accused?

  60. 60
    Mr Harmon says:

    Here, here!

  61. 61
    Tom Catesby. says:

    How dare you? I have a perfectly servicable dustbin of my own.

  62. 62
    Tom Catesby. says:

    ‘Some of the defendents do not speak good enough English’. How did they communicate with their victims, by pointing?

  63. 63
    Tom Catesby. says:

    Like the whole deadtree indusrty really.

  64. 64
    Tom Catesby. says:


  65. 65
    Anonymous says:

    In your dreams

  66. 66
    Rightwinggit says:

    How many nails in a lesbians coffin?

    None, it’s all tongue and groove

  67. 67
    Rob says:

    The Satchi fraud trial turned into days of irrelevant crap about cocaine; what the fuck has a jazz mag found in an underground car park servicing loads of apartments got to do with phone hacking?


    Sorry for the shouting, got a bit emotional.

  68. 68
    A peeler says:

    I always wondered what coppers had inside.

  69. 69
    Spot the mistake says:

    *its, not it’s.

  70. 70
    Flim Ponder says:

    It was Neil Saunders QC, counsel for Brooks, NOT the prosecution, who stated that the magazine was in the jiffy bag.

    “If you had opened it [the jiffy bag], you would not have forgotten it because inside there was a magazine whose title was Lesbian Lovers.”

    He also stated that there were seven DVDs in the bag

  71. 71
    Anonymous says:

    How can someone who doesn’t speak english work in this country?

  72. 72
    Jack Ketch says:

    Read Milliband’s article in the Telegraph.

  73. 73
    Mike Portaloo says:

    Interesting. She has the look of a linge-micker I reckon.

  74. 74
    We'll keep the red rag flying here says:

    I have never, not once, seen that mag on any top shelf. Clearly I am using the wrong kind of corner shop newsagent.

  75. 75
    Johnny Cash-Register says:

    Wake up Dimbo! Don’t you read or understand anything you see on this blog?

    The whole point is for the lawyers to string it all out as long as possible – the longer the better, the higher the fees charged. Ker-bloody-ching. They couldn’t give a stuff who wins or loses – it’s just money in the bank to them all.

    There should be a deadline issued for every case, not one of which should exceed 8 weeks. If cases cannot be resolved within that time frame the lawyers for both sides should be fined 80% of their fees.

    Now how about that for an idea????

  76. 76
    Johnny Cash-Register says:

    Ask Steven Gerrard and the rest of his mates.

  77. 77
    bloke says:

    Don’t worry Ed. There are enough benefit junkies and lazy fucking public sector troughers to guarantee your seat.

  78. 78
    FrankField's Buttplug says:

    I have always thought Rebekka looks a bit dykie herself

  79. 79
    2112 says:

    Not to mention postal votes.

  80. 80
    Grant Mitchell says:

    Why did she divorce Ross Kemp?

  81. 81
    Anonymous says:

    plenty of that in Holloway.

  82. 82
    Anonymous says:

    Well Cameron is the PM and he talks like a twat

  83. 83
    Bryant says:

    That mag is certainly not my cup of tea.

  84. 84
    Ms Harperson says:

    I demand a Judicial Enquiry over this absolute filth and outrage against Wimmin.

  85. 85
    Simon Hughes says:

    Nor mine. I’m a Lib-Dem.

  86. 86
    Mr Dromey says:

    Yes, dear. Frankly, I’d rather see a cock-up in The Party and than this sort of thing.

  87. 87
    Richard Timney says:

    Could I get this stuff on the wife’s expenses?

  88. 88
    Rodgers and Hammerstein says:

    There is nothing like a dame.

  89. 89
    Jethro says:

    … and, if so, what did they point?

Media Reader

45 Mirror Group Stories Linked to Phone-Hacking | Press Gazette
We Must Not Call Charlie Hebdo Killers ‘terrorists’ | Telegraph
Page 3 and the Art of the Self-Pity Statement | Guardian
Here is What a 7 Way Debate Sounds Like | BBC
Poll: Sun Readers Want Page 3 to Stay | Business Insider
The Sun: An Apology | Press Gazette
More Women Prosecuted For Telly Tax | Mail
Je Suis Page 3 | Toby Young
Page 3 Website Enjoys Huge Surge in Traffic | Media Guardian
No One Was Ever Forced to Read Page 3 | Will Walter
Why is Roy Greenslade Doing Labour’s Dirty Work? | Peter Oborne

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