January 15th, 2014

Le Caption Contest Speciale!

According to Paris Match, this photo purports to show François Hollande, Julie Gayet and Valérie Trierweiler, all together, in October 2011:


Menage a trois!

H/T @davidhbrown and @arnaudbedat.


  1. 1
    Ah! Monika says:

    They’re both pregnant.

  2. 2
    Randy Marsh says:

    Monsieur, you ‘ave no pulse and you ‘ave no heart.

  3. 3
    Nobbin the Knob says:

    I thought the french press were the third item in the bed.

  4. 4
    Ah! Monique says:

    Ils sont à la fois enceinte

  5. 5
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Risk of dogknotting: 85%

  6. 6
    keith says:

    i think you left your helmet in my back passage

  7. 7
    JH2303409329-3423 says:

    It’s got to be said, if you are an ugly little short arse in France then becoming a member of the Socialist Royalty is a sure fire route to having the fanny dripping off you.

  8. 8
    Roma Bob says:

    Who is the gypo in the middle?

  9. 9
    Roma Bob says:


  10. 10
    Holly says:

    Isaid, ‘COME TO BED!’.

  11. 11
    Randy Marsh says:

    Francois, Julie, Valerie

  12. 12
    Express Yourself with Crayons says:

    Well, we use John Prescott as an example this side of the channel.

  13. 13
    Round the Bend says:

    Woman says: “You’r claiming you sprained your wrist by too much wanking Mon Dieu”

  14. 14
    Ah! Monika says:

    You’ve gone too fast, too far and too deep.

  15. 15
    A man on the Rue Du Cirque says:

    OK .

    I am a 59 year old male.

    I have never married.

    I like women.

    I have four grown up kids who all speak to me.

    Yes, I have been having a fling with an actress twenty years my junior who has split from her husband.

    What exactly is your problem ?

  16. 16
    Ah! Monique says:

    Vous êtes allé trop vite, trop loin et trop profond.

  17. 17
    Light relief says:

    Maybe he’s just got a very big knob?

  18. 18
    Do the French press think we're stupid? says:

    Julie and Valérie (together): “The President’s private life is totally irrelevant and he can do what he wants. In France we have no concept of trust, faithfulness, and respect.”

  19. 19
    Tuscan Tony says:


    He got to fifth base then.

  20. 20
    Mr 75% says:

    Liberty, equality, fruity

  21. 21
    Dominique Strauss-Kahn says:

    Nice arse!

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    Here’s the rota for your afternoon meetings Monsieur Le President!

  23. 23
    A man on the Rue Du Cirque says:

    Jacques Delors daughter

  24. 24
    Donkeyman says:

    It does help.

  25. 25
    Amy Winehouse says:

    “Why don’t you cum all over Valerie. ..”

  26. 26
    Dangermouse says:

    Today I want to talk to you about the important topic of Euthanasia which will be the centre stage policy for 2014

  27. 27
    Do the French press think we're stupid? says:

    You ‘claim’ to be in a stable relationship with a woman you have made First Lady!! And you won’t clarify exactly what her status now is. That’s the problem, sunshine!!

    Bed-hopping may be childish fun, but it’s also extremely insulting to those you claim to ‘love’.

  28. 28
    A divorce lawyer says:

    Medical experts tell me it takes ten days for bruises to disappear.

  29. 29
    Eddy Balls says:

    Manage le trois?

  30. 30
    Ladbrokes Politics says:

  31. 31
    Jack Dromey says:

    Have you got his number?

  32. 32
    Steve Miliband says:

    ‘Allo, ‘allo, zis is Night’awk, are you receiving me

  33. 33
    Dangermouse says:

    How do you know?

  34. 34
    Randy Rennard says:

    Lucky, lucky bastard!

  35. 35
    Steve Miliband says:

    But Rene, I am ze Fallen Madonna with ze big boobbies

  36. 36
    Stephanie Flounders says:

    I love big knob socialists!

  37. 37
    Valerie the rothweiler taking her own medicine says:

    Menage a quatre!

  38. 38
    Paddy from Paddy Power says:

    I’ll have a tenner on Mr Bruni.

  39. 39
    Mitch says:

    If either Julie or Valérie go then they have no self respect at all.

  40. 40

    I’ve ordered a crate of croissants for the morning, just in case anyone else turns up.

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Harriet Harman, the Engel sisters (well one of them) & Rachel Reeves are all on for one of your socialist love-ins this afternoon Monseiur Le President. A certain John Prescott is still available should you need any assistance!

  42. 42
    He's not firing blanks! says:

  43. 43
    I hate socialists. says:

    Yes, if that ugly fat tosser can attract crumpet then anyone can.

  44. 44
    Centre Parting says:

    200/1 Sarah Brown

  45. 45
    A no good son of an estate agent says:

    I will have 500,000 euros on no one please

  46. 46
    The Zutons says:

    That’s ours and our original version was better

  47. 47
    I hate socialists. says:

    Have you found one yet?

  48. 48
    Arthur says:

    5/1 Ed Miliband

  49. 49
    Amy Winehouse says:

    150-1 for Sally Bercow.

  50. 50
    pas de poubelle s'il vous plaît says:

  51. 51

    Quattro formaggi che cola.

    Come back Berlusconi!

  52. 52
    Alternative Dress says:

    Is Harriet in need of attention?

  53. 53
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    “Madame, it is such a tiny cock, i’m returning him as unfit for use.”

  54. 54
    C.O.Jones says:

    Hmm, he is taking his role as father of the nation seriously then.

  55. 55
    Sarah says:

    Gordon Brown 100/1

  56. 56
    Mitch says:

    This clown has to go. Now. Is France a serious country, or what?

  57. 57
    Alternative Dress says:

    Hello Hello

  58. 58
    Lost in Clacton says:

    So this is what social democracy is all about then ?

  59. 59
    Steve Miliband says:

    ‘Mon héros’.
    Non. ‘Mon héros’.
    Non. ‘Mon héros’.
    Non, je l’ai dit le premier.

  60. 60
    City AM says:

  61. 61
    Spartacus says:

    che cola – is that the brother of che gwuberra?

  62. 62
    Gordoom says:

    Fatima Whitbread’s daughter

  63. 63
    Weygand says:

    Holland insisted his focus was on ‘la croissance’ when everyone else wanted to know about the croissants.

  64. 64
    Spartacus says:

    tu es . . . ?

  65. 65
    Del Boy says:

    He is hardly Albert of Monaco Mark Two is he?

    What a complete and utter Wally !

  66. 66
    Margaret Moran says:

    Who’d like a melange a tros with me and Margaret Beckett?

  67. 67
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    ‘Who’s that woman to you left, Francois?”

    “There is no one to my left. Except perhaps Owen Jones.”

  68. 68
    Jack Dromey says:

    No, this is purely between Francois and me…don’t mention it to Harriet.

  69. 69
    Ah! Monika says:

    Not quite OT


    #DLT witness says her studio was “behind Radio1 studio” where Travis worked as DJ. Says she knew him and he’d asked her to do “Auntie Beeb”

    WTF is Auntie Beeb?

  70. 70
    Spartacus says:

    sorry, tenner is minimum bet mate

  71. 71
    Gordoom says:


  72. 72
    Ah! Monika says:

    See 1

  73. 73
    C.O.Jones says:

    At least he can celebrate his 80th birthday when the kid turns 21.

  74. 74
    John Smith says:

    It’s Joey from Friends?

  75. 75
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    “Croissance? Quelle croissance ?”

  76. 76
    a non says:

    “My postillion has been struck by lightning”

  77. 77

    I could run with that.

  78. 78
    NPD says:

    Gordon brown used to do that hand expression.

  79. 79
    Village Idiot says:

    ….Harriet,she is no Oil painting!

  80. 80
    Mitch says:

    From the photo, it’s obviously his mysterious and intense stare, which bores deep into your soul and makes every fibre tingle.

    Either that or they’re after his money.

  81. 81
    Ah! Monika says:

    Not if she was angry with him and distancing herself from him.

  82. 82
    The British media are cunts says:

    On a serious note why is it always the wives of politicians who seems to stick their fucking noses in to the running of a country? The first lady? First lady bollocks.

    Hillary Clinton, Cherie Bliar, Sarah Brown, Samcan, Cleggs vile wife and the idiot Milimong is married to all seem to stick their noses in. Why? They were never elected.

    you never see Markel’s husband and Dennis Thatcher kept out of the way as well.

    These fucking women piss me off, get a job or go look after the kids. If you want to be a politician get elected.

  83. 83
    Bemused says:

    It’s the look on everybody else’s face.

    He’s looking like “what the fuck are you doing here?”

    And the people behind are looking like “Oooooh shit, that little actress tramp had the gall to wash up here.”

    But this was back in 2011.

  84. 84
    A reporter from the Daily Planet says:

    If this story is true then a crime has been committed.

    The woman has filed papers in a French Court seeking damages for breach of her privacy stating that there is no truth in claims of an affair between her and Hollande.

  85. 85
    David says:

    The croissants were how much????

  86. 86

    François: I’d like to polka…

  87. 87
    Get off my Tits says:

  88. 88
    Godfrey Bloom says:

    Or just clean behind the fridge?

    They’re all just whores really.

  89. 89
    Dogger Bank says:

    That was some Shipping Forecast

  90. 90

    It’s a backdrop. Just worked it out.

    Hollande looks as if he has just worked it in.

  91. 91
    Bemused says:

    They don’t. Male politicians use it as an attempt to appeal to women. It’s like they are saying “I may be a man but I understand what women want because my wife influences me”. No real evidence that they do, however – do you really think Hilary had much influence over shagger Clinton? It’s all the usual mind-numbing PR bollox. Just more of that bullcrap that says to the public “We’re far more interested in projecting an image of being worthwhile rather than actually being worthwhile”.

  92. 92
    The British media are cunts says:

    Isn’t it interesting that the British media seem more interested in the shagging habits of a foreign leader than they ever did over Prescott who got a total free pass from our useless media.

    Amusing to hear Paxmong claim that the French media were gutless, yes Paxmong just as the BBC are gutless when confronting their socialist cronies.

  93. 93
    Village Idiot says:

    …….Has the little French swordsman and his ilk,given any pillow talk secrets away,or do the French really not care about behaviour that could damage French national security?

  94. 94
    Ed Miliband says:

    One Nation ?

  95. 95
    Gingie Wade says:

    You cannot compare Sam Cam with those others.

    She is outside the loop.

  96. 96
    Steve Miliband says:

    So did DLT apparently

  97. 97
    Ed Moribund says:

    Son une crise du coût de la vie !

  98. 98
    Randy Marsh says:

    Or what.

  99. 99
    Mitch says:

    Evan Davies sounds like he’s being groped most mornings.

  100. 100
    Village Idiot says:

    …….Think I would rather have a “Tommy Tank”, with a Kays’ Catologue,……..alone!

  101. 101
    Will the World of Finance please help me says:

    Whether it is one sprog or two who is born in 2014 this is the beginning of the end for the Fifth Republic.

  102. 102
    I can see France from my office window says:

    Le belle Julie: “I would like to see your big black helmet”
    Francois: “That’s funny, Jack Dromey said the same thing to me the other day”

  103. 103
    A failure of obligation by the 4th estate in the uk says:

    In the 13 years that Labour were in government for the most part the British media were sycophantic and inert whether it be sexual peccadilloes of Ministers; the ruination of the economy or illegal foreign wars so they are the last people to be critical of foreign media

  104. 104
    High School Musical says:

    ogether, together, together everyone
    Together, together, come on lets have some fun
    Together, were there for each other every time
    Together together come on lets do this right

    Here and now its time for celebration
    I finally figured it out (yeah yeah)
    That all our dreams have no limitations
    That’s what its all about(yeah yeah)

    Everyone is special in their own way
    We make each other strong (we make each other strong)
    Were not the same
    Were different in a good way
    Together’s where we belong

    We’re all in this together
    Once we know
    That we are
    We’re all stars
    And we see that
    We’re all in this together
    And it shows
    When we stand
    Hand in hand
    Make our dreams come true

  105. 105
    A great big mess says:

    Should this be true it will make the Profumo affair look like a stroll in the park.

  106. 106
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    Good point. But in France the wives and mistresses have had a great influence on the nation. I think it was Reynard’s mistress who each day took his appointment diary from the civil servant and crossed out anyone she didn’t approve of.
    Might have been Daladier’s.

    But then there were almost 2 president’s a year between 1930 and 1940, so its hard to recall them all.

  107. 107
    Francois Hollande says:

    Those odds on Carla Bruni are looking very tempting…….

  108. 108
    The minister without a job says:

    But Prescott was not a leader, let alone President of a country. Blair only made him a cabinet minister to keep old Labour happy.

  109. 109
    Eva Sarah Braun says:

    I cried live on TV to help Gordon. I introduced him at conference to try and make him look human.

    Sometimes I wonder if it was worth all the money they gave me.

  110. 110
    Blowing a Gale says:

    Hello..I really dig that left bank, state bureaucrat look.
    I’m up for it with you and Herman Van Rompouy.

  111. 111
    Harry Krishna says:

    If you don’t sort our love nest there will be a horses head in your bed!

  112. 112
    I've been to Paris says:

    Mitterand’s youngest mistress

  113. 113
    Anonymous says:

    “I am putting the means of production into the (coughs) hands of the people”

  114. 114
    A Corsican says:

    Has it ever been?

  115. 115
    Arthur says:

    Actually there were only three presidents in the 1930s and Lebrun did it from 1932-40

    It was prime ministers that ran at two a year. Some of them were real sh1ts as well. Pierre Laval ended up executed by a firing squad for treason and Chautemps was accused of murdering an opponent and convicted of collaboration.

  116. 116
    Anonymous says:

    Marx: “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need”

    Holland: “I have the ability; I have the need”.

  117. 117
    Reader says:

    Who are you and why does anyone give a toss about you?

  118. 118
    DSK says:

    Why does Hollande always ends up with what was mine.

  119. 119
    M'Learned Mate Down The Pub says:

    Is this a capital crime nowadays or maybe it is something that could be dealt with far more cheaply by the magistrates’ court?

  120. 120
    Saving up for a Bunga Bunga! says:

    I have a first lady, I have a second lady, I have a third lady but.., I want a fourth lady, I dream of a fifth lady…

  121. 121
    Cynic2 says:

    Its ze police. Your scooter is parked in the wrong passageway

  122. 122
    Hollande dignity says:

    Perfidious Albion feminist would want his balls off
    Intellectual French Philosopher feminist want his head

  123. 123
    Cynic2 says:

    ‘ere is my mobile number. Remember. 4.39 behind the bike shed. You bring the helmet

  124. 124
    Cynic2 says:

    “oh Renee……………”

    “Why do you call me Renee?”

  125. 125
    Vince Cable's rucksack says:

    Oh, merde, ne dit pas un mot!

  126. 126
    Cynic2 says:

    “its an urgent call from the German Chancellor …..when her hip is better she wants to meet to ‘re-cement your entente’ she says”

  127. 127
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    Nice one.

  128. 128
    Cynic2 says:

    “Just a reminder Mr President. Harriet Haman is in row 4. So far she’s the only woman here you haven’t slept with”

  129. 129
    The General says:

    ” can I book a slot between 3pm and 5pm?”

  130. 130
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    Evan would dearly love to be groped every morning, especially in his “jewelled” areas.

  131. 131
    Le Petit Boudin says:

    Is it a spot the balls competition?

  132. 132
    Cynic2 says:

    “Francois!!!!!! The test turned blue ……….>”

  133. 133
    Cynic2 says:

    Woman Standing “Francois!!!!!! The test turned blue ……….”

    Chorus ” So did mine”

  134. 134
    Cynic2 says:

    “book a slot” Haw haw

  135. 135
    Lady Marmalade says:

    Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi?

  136. 136
    Sid James says:

    This happened at about the time that Carry on camping was in British cinemas.

  137. 137
    Not taken to the cleaners says:

    Stained with sauce Hollandaise

  138. 138
    The British media are cunts says:

    Prescott fucked up every job he had, he was fucking useless and cost the country millions.

  139. 139
    Anonymous says:

    La plume d’Hollande est dans votre jardin femme

  140. 140
    T Blair says:

    He was a useful distraction

  141. 141
    Hmmmmm says:

    Trierweiler: I could knock spots off zat biche

  142. 142
    Francois Hollandaise, President de la Republique says:

    ” C’est moi, Hollandaise, ze saucy leetle babe magnet!”

  143. 143
    A Titter ran through the court says:

    Quite. It is hardly Crown court stuff is it.

  144. 144
    Tom says:

    One, two three a daisy
    I have them all for me
    But to have them all crazy
    Is really as drinking Tea

    Un, deux trois par daisy
    Je les ai tous pour moi
    Mais de les avoir tous fous
    Est vraiment comme boire du thé

  145. 145
    Postal Vote says:

    What an example of sharing by the socialist elite: corner three women and have the taxpayer foot the bill for breakfast.

  146. 146
    WTF? says:

    I must be missing something here. But aren’t her employers her first port of complaint, then the union, then the solicitor, and then the plod? And even then it can’t possibly be a court, judge and jury offence can it?

  147. 147
    Common Law marriage Counsellor says:

    Two black eyes indicates that she had to have the situation explained twice.

  148. 148
    Georges Feydeau says:

    Think of the fun that would ensue if he took Gayet and Trierweiler turned up unannounced!

  149. 149
    Nonce says:

    Role play. She has to dress up like a Greenham Common protester.

  150. 150
    dai gallically says:

    menage a troisweiler

  151. 151
    dai drinking says:

    nah – its the bruvver of coca

  152. 152
    Mayor de Lors says:

    Oh merde; voila a bas la voisinage

  153. 153
    Rhubarb says:

    not ‘does'; ‘should’

  154. 154
    Nap O'Leon says:

    Pas ce soir, Josephine….?

  155. 155
    Rhubarb says:

    You gotta be a muzzie to make that legal, pal

  156. 156
    Weygand says:

    La croissance ‘à venir’ – elle arrivera avec le Père Noël’

  157. 157
    A Maimed Badger says:

    Presidente, there are other ways of getting people to vote for you..

  158. 158

    You back doing that job at KwikFit now, ̶S̶i̶d̶ Sarah? Need a new exhaust on the van.

  159. 159
    Weygand says:

    I think you mean ménagerie in that case

  160. 160
    Jim Halpert says:

    Dumas: All for one, one for all!

  161. 161
    Anonymous says:

    What about a u tube special with a 2 front wheeled moped (we don’t want him falling off) whizzing through the streets of Paris with a little pair of glasses eyes staring out from inside a giant black helmet with an extra loud Batman theme tune belting out as he homes in.

  162. 162
    Cynic2 says:

    “Merde! My mistresses lover has found out that i am two-timing her with another mistress who is also the friend of my first mistress and wife. Ze only thing I need now is for Herr “Frick” Cameron and Chancellor Helga to find where I have hidden the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the big boobies and I am undone!!! Mimi fetch the scooter!!”

  163. 163
    genghiz the kahn says:

    I think you are right re Reynaud’s mistress Hélène de Portes.

  164. 164
    Cynic2 says:

    QUIET!!! Ze show trials must proceed.

  165. 165
    Cynic2 says:

    Did his girlfirend say he was fucking useless?

  166. 166
    Cynic2 says:

    Oh that is a good one

  167. 167
    Robbie says:


  168. 168
    Betty Stringer says:

    Elles sont_-

  169. 169
    Osama the Nazarene says:

    lol & +1

  170. 170
    Oscar Pistorius says:

    Too right mate. We need to make an example of these pervy nonces.

  171. 171
    Anonymous says:

    No, she was speaking for all four of ‘em i.e. plural.

  172. 172
    Anonymous says:

    “A Frog a would a wooing go…”

  173. 173

    ‘I mike zese inglish look likaloada Jessies!’

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Alan Milburn says Labour’s scaremongering campaign for an unreformed NHS will not win election…

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