January 15th, 2014

Le Caption Contest Speciale!

According to Paris Match, this photo purports to show François Hollande, Julie Gayet and Valérie Trierweiler, all together, in October 2011:


Menage a trois!

H/T @davidhbrown and @arnaudbedat.


  1. 1
    Ah! Monika says:

    They’re both pregnant.


  2. 2
    Randy Marsh says:

    Monsieur, you ‘ave no pulse and you ‘ave no heart.


  3. 3
    Nobbin the Knob says:

    I thought the french press were the third item in the bed.


    • 18
      Do the French press think we're stupid? says:

      Julie and Valérie (together): “The President’s private life is totally irrelevant and he can do what he wants. In France we have no concept of trust, faithfulness, and respect.”


      • 122
        Hollande dignity says:

        Perfidious Albion feminist would want his balls off
        Intellectual French Philosopher feminist want his head


  4. 5
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Risk of dogknotting: 85%


  5. 6
    keith says:

    i think you left your helmet in my back passage


  6. 7
    JH2303409329-3423 says:

    It’s got to be said, if you are an ugly little short arse in France then becoming a member of the Socialist Royalty is a sure fire route to having the fanny dripping off you.


  7. 10
    Holly says:

    Isaid, ‘COME TO BED!’.


  8. 11
    Randy Marsh says:

    Francois, Julie, Valerie


  9. 13
    Round the Bend says:

    Woman says: “You’r claiming you sprained your wrist by too much wanking Mon Dieu”


  10. 14
    Ah! Monika says:

    You’ve gone too fast, too far and too deep.


  11. 15
    A man on the Rue Du Cirque says:

    OK .

    I am a 59 year old male.

    I have never married.

    I like women.

    I have four grown up kids who all speak to me.

    Yes, I have been having a fling with an actress twenty years my junior who has split from her husband.

    What exactly is your problem ?


    • 26
      Do the French press think we're stupid? says:

      You ‘claim’ to be in a stable relationship with a woman you have made First Lady!! And you won’t clarify exactly what her status now is. That’s the problem, sunshine!!

      Bed-hopping may be childish fun, but it’s also extremely insulting to those you claim to ‘love’.


  12. 17
    Light relief says:

    Maybe he’s just got a very big knob?


  13. 20
    Mr 75% says:

    Liberty, equality, fruity


  14. 21
    Dominique Strauss-Kahn says:

    Nice arse!


  15. 21
    Anonymous says:

    Here’s the rota for your afternoon meetings Monsieur Le President!


  16. 25
    Amy Winehouse says:

    “Why don’t you cum all over Valerie. ..”


  17. 26
    Dangermouse says:

    Today I want to talk to you about the important topic of Euthanasia which will be the centre stage policy for 2014


  18. 29
    Eddy Balls says:

    Manage le trois?


  19. 30
    Ladbrokes Politics says:


  20. 32
    Steve Miliband says:

    ‘Allo, ‘allo, zis is Night’awk, are you receiving me


  21. 34
    Randy Rennard says:

    Lucky, lucky bastard!


  22. 35
    Steve Miliband says:

    But Rene, I am ze Fallen Madonna with ze big boobbies


  23. 37
    Valerie the rothweiler taking her own medicine says:

    Menage a quatre!


  24. 40

    I’ve ordered a crate of croissants for the morning, just in case anyone else turns up.


  25. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Harriet Harman, the Engel sisters (well one of them) & Rachel Reeves are all on for one of your socialist love-ins this afternoon Monseiur Le President. A certain John Prescott is still available should you need any assistance!


  26. 42
    He's not firing blanks! says:


  27. 50
    pas de poubelle s'il vous plaît says:


  28. 53
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    “Madame, it is such a tiny cock, i’m returning him as unfit for use.”


  29. 59
    Steve Miliband says:

    ‘Mon héros’.
    Non. ‘Mon héros’.
    Non. ‘Mon héros’.
    Non, je l’ai dit le premier.


    • 93
      Village Idiot says:

      …….Has the little French swordsman and his ilk,given any pillow talk secrets away,or do the French really not care about behaviour that could damage French national security?


  30. 60
    City AM says:


  31. 63
    Weygand says:

    Holland insisted his focus was on ‘la croissance’ when everyone else wanted to know about the croissants.


  32. 66
    Margaret Moran says:

    Who’d like a melange a tros with me and Margaret Beckett?


  33. 67
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    ‘Who’s that woman to you left, Francois?”

    “There is no one to my left. Except perhaps Owen Jones.”


  34. 69
    Ah! Monika says:

    Not quite OT


    #DLT witness says her studio was “behind Radio1 studio” where Travis worked as DJ. Says she knew him and he’d asked her to do “Auntie Beeb”

    WTF is Auntie Beeb?


  35. 76
    a non says:

    “My postillion has been struck by lightning”


  36. 82
    The British media are cunts says:

    On a serious note why is it always the wives of politicians who seems to stick their fucking noses in to the running of a country? The first lady? First lady bollocks.

    Hillary Clinton, Cherie Bliar, Sarah Brown, Samcan, Cleggs vile wife and the idiot Milimong is married to all seem to stick their noses in. Why? They were never elected.

    you never see Markel’s husband and Dennis Thatcher kept out of the way as well.

    These fucking women piss me off, get a job or go look after the kids. If you want to be a politician get elected.


    • 88
      Godfrey Bloom says:

      Or just clean behind the fridge?

      They’re all just whores really.


    • 91
      Bemused says:

      They don’t. Male politicians use it as an attempt to appeal to women. It’s like they are saying “I may be a man but I understand what women want because my wife influences me”. No real evidence that they do, however – do you really think Hilary had much influence over shagger Clinton? It’s all the usual mind-numbing PR bollox. Just more of that bullcrap that says to the public “We’re far more interested in projecting an image of being worthwhile rather than actually being worthwhile”.


      • 106
        Bill Quango MP/5 says:

        Good point. But in France the wives and mistresses have had a great influence on the nation. I think it was Reynard’s mistress who each day took his appointment diary from the civil servant and crossed out anyone she didn’t approve of.
        Might have been Daladier’s.

        But then there were almost 2 president’s a year between 1930 and 1940, so its hard to recall them all.


        • 115
          Arthur says:

          Actually there were only three presidents in the 1930s and Lebrun did it from 1932-40

          It was prime ministers that ran at two a year. Some of them were real sh1ts as well. Pierre Laval ended up executed by a firing squad for treason and Chautemps was accused of murdering an opponent and convicted of collaboration.


        • 154
          Nap O'Leon says:

          Pas ce soir, Josephine….?


        • 163
          genghiz the kahn says:

          I think you are right re Reynaud’s mistress Hélène de Portes.


    • 95
      Gingie Wade says:

      You cannot compare Sam Cam with those others.

      She is outside the loop.


  37. 83
    Bemused says:

    It’s the look on everybody else’s face.

    He’s looking like “what the fuck are you doing here?”

    And the people behind are looking like “Oooooh shit, that little actress tramp had the gall to wash up here.”

    But this was back in 2011.


  38. 85
    David says:

    The croissants were how much????


  39. 86

    François: I’d like to polka…


  40. 87
    Get off my Tits says:


  41. 92
    The British media are cunts says:

    Isn’t it interesting that the British media seem more interested in the shagging habits of a foreign leader than they ever did over Prescott who got a total free pass from our useless media.

    Amusing to hear Paxmong claim that the French media were gutless, yes Paxmong just as the BBC are gutless when confronting their socialist cronies.


    • 101
      Will the World of Finance please help me says:

      Whether it is one sprog or two who is born in 2014 this is the beginning of the end for the Fifth Republic.


    • 103
      A failure of obligation by the 4th estate in the uk says:

      In the 13 years that Labour were in government for the most part the British media were sycophantic and inert whether it be sexual peccadilloes of Ministers; the ruination of the economy or illegal foreign wars so they are the last people to be critical of foreign media


    • 108
      The minister without a job says:

      But Prescott was not a leader, let alone President of a country. Blair only made him a cabinet minister to keep old Labour happy.


  42. 97
    Ed Moribund says:

    Son une crise du coût de la vie !


  43. 102
    I can see France from my office window says:

    Le belle Julie: “I would like to see your big black helmet”
    Francois: “That’s funny, Jack Dromey said the same thing to me the other day”


  44. 110
    Blowing a Gale says:

    Hello..I really dig that left bank, state bureaucrat look.
    I’m up for it with you and Herman Van Rompouy.


  45. 111
    Harry Krishna says:

    If you don’t sort our love nest there will be a horses head in your bed!


  46. 120
    Saving up for a Bunga Bunga! says:

    I have a first lady, I have a second lady, I have a third lady but.., I want a fourth lady, I dream of a fifth lady…


  47. 121
    Cynic2 says:

    Its ze police. Your scooter is parked in the wrong passageway


  48. 123
    Cynic2 says:

    ‘ere is my mobile number. Remember. 4.39 behind the bike shed. You bring the helmet


  49. 124
    Cynic2 says:

    “oh Renee……………”

    “Why do you call me Renee?”


  50. 125
    Vince Cable's rucksack says:

    Oh, merde, ne dit pas un mot!


  51. 126
    Cynic2 says:

    “its an urgent call from the German Chancellor …..when her hip is better she wants to meet to ‘re-cement your entente’ she says”


  52. 128
    Cynic2 says:

    “Just a reminder Mr President. Harriet Haman is in row 4. So far she’s the only woman here you haven’t slept with”


  53. 129
    The General says:

    ” can I book a slot between 3pm and 5pm?”


  54. 131
    Le Petit Boudin says:

    Is it a spot the balls competition?


  55. 132
    Cynic2 says:

    “Francois!!!!!! The test turned blue ……….>”


  56. 133
    Cynic2 says:

    Woman Standing “Francois!!!!!! The test turned blue ……….”

    Chorus ” So did mine”


  57. 137
    Not taken to the cleaners says:

    Stained with sauce Hollandaise


  58. 139
    Anonymous says:

    La plume d’Hollande est dans votre jardin femme


  59. 144
    Tom says:

    One, two three a daisy
    I have them all for me
    But to have them all crazy
    Is really as drinking Tea

    Un, deux trois par daisy
    Je les ai tous pour moi
    Mais de les avoir tous fous
    Est vraiment comme boire du thé


  60. 145
    Postal Vote says:

    What an example of sharing by the socialist elite: corner three women and have the taxpayer foot the bill for breakfast.


  61. 157
    A Maimed Badger says:

    Presidente, there are other ways of getting people to vote for you..


  62. 161
    Anonymous says:

    What about a u tube special with a 2 front wheeled moped (we don’t want him falling off) whizzing through the streets of Paris with a little pair of glasses eyes staring out from inside a giant black helmet with an extra loud Batman theme tune belting out as he homes in.


  63. 162
    Cynic2 says:

    “Merde! My mistresses lover has found out that i am two-timing her with another mistress who is also the friend of my first mistress and wife. Ze only thing I need now is for Herr “Frick” Cameron and Chancellor Helga to find where I have hidden the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the big boobies and I am undone!!! Mimi fetch the scooter!!”


  64. 167
    Robbie says:



  65. 172
    Anonymous says:

    “A Frog a would a wooing go…”


  66. 173

    ‘I mike zese inglish look likaloada Jessies!’


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“It was horrendous, it insults people like me, it insults the people I know ,my friends and family, Labour voters across the country. White vans, England flags, are Labour values, and pretty routine Labour values for most of us. It’s embarrassing for him and for the Labour party. It shows that somebody was rather out of touch with most parts of the country, and with Labour voters and Labour values across the country.”

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The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.

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