January 14th, 2014

City AM Sparks Diplomatic Incident With France

The French Embassy has taken French-born Allister Heath’s column on their government’s failed socialist experiment personally. Since there is definitely nothing else interesting going on in France at the moment, they took the time to condemn the piece as an “ideological mix of prejudice and error” with a contender for the worst ‘listicle’ ever made. Best of all, they lay into the NHS as “ailing” and suffering from “years of under-investment”. William Hague is no doubt summoning the French ambassador to the Foreign Office as we speak. Journalists may be of a different breed across the channel, though maybe the Embassy should sort out their own philandering, partner-traumatising President before they start having a pop at us…


  1. 1
    Joan of Arc says:

    Put zat match out

  2. 2
    Fabians are EVIL says:

    Ah French baiting! what fun – where’s the pop corn

  3. 3
    Steve Miliband says:

    Ed Miliband is going to copy Hollande again and is as we speak asking Emma Thompson for a date.

  4. 4
    Realpolitik says:

    Close the tunnel. Now.

  5. 5
    Andrew Efiong says:

    They don’t like it up ‘em! Sounds like City AM touched a nerve and got them in a fit of pique!

    The ambassador should be relaying news of British growth to Mad Franky Hollande so he can get the inside scoop on how to create jobs and cut taxes. But I suspect Le Prez is too busy with le rumpéy-pumpéy to bother about the millions out of work!

  6. 6
    Ed Balls says:

    Don’t worry President Hollande, I’m sure your 75% income tax rate will stimulate growth.

  7. 7
    Kermit says:

    Nothing worse than a revolting Frog

  8. 8
    JH2303409329-3423 says:

    …and here comes the Barbera Streisand effect.

  9. 9
    Anonymous says:

    so long as it not the 75 pct tax rate to cover the 3000 rumainians coming here in the next ten years

  10. 10
    Ah! Monika says:

    OMG has a Durex failed?

  11. 11
    Django's Flying Circus says:

    Fetch’ hither Le formage de la belle France

  12. 12
    Ian Smith says:

    Universal Credit will be delivered on time and on budget.

  13. 13
    Igas Fracking corp Whitney Oxfordshire says:

    The French are now being fed a mixture of “listicles and testicles”

  14. 14
    ancientpopeye says:

    Don’t you just love the frogs, especially the Grande Fromage?

  15. 15
    This is one Rover who won't Return says:

    Coronation Street star William Roache has arrived in court for his trial on charges of committing historic sexual offences against girls.

    Mr Roache, 81, from Wilmslow, Cheshire, denies two counts of r*ping a 15-year-old girl in East Lancashire in 1967.

    He also denies five counts of indecent assault involving four girls in Manchester in the mid to late 1960s.

    Those charges relate to girls aged from 11 to 16. His trial at Preston Crown Court is scheduled for four weeks.

    The veteran soap star was arrested at his home last May.

    Mr Roache, who has not appeared in the programme while legal proceedings were ongoing, “strenuously” denies the allegations.

  16. 16
    They've got form for this says:

    The French government lashed out at Newsweek last week too after the magazine dared to point out the French economy isn’t working:


  17. 17
    Le Lapin says:

    France was again singled out as a country of useless layabouts over that tyre plant a few weeks back. They reacted by going on strike.

    The mainstream in France have perfected the art of doing fuck all whilst fucking all. Our Benefit scroungers have much to learn.

  18. 18
  19. 19
    Brigitte's Bardot says:

    Piss off. I want my French cheese and wine.

  20. 20
    Balsa boy says:

    Maid of Orleans? No – she was made of wood.

  21. 21
    Leaked footage of Diane Abbott's portrait sitting says:

  22. 22
    retardEd Miliband says:

    Cotht of living cwithith.

  23. 23
    Herman says:

    I’m not gay.

  24. 24
    Albert Hall says:

    Allies in name only, they hate us, we hate them.

  25. 25
    Please shew tickets says:

    The tube will be shut on 3+4 February to get things started.

  26. 26
    retardEd Miliband says:

    And now there’th a cwithith of confidenth in middle clath familieth.

  27. 27
    Ah! Monika says:



    Time to make up your mind.

  28. 28
    McMentalissimo says:

    NHS as “ailing” and suffering from ”years of under-investment”????

    WTF are they on about, I poured billions into the NHS … and made it worse!

  29. 29
    Igas Fracking corp Whitney Oxfordshire says:

    Are we really supposed to believe that the French first lady is in hospital suffering from a severely broken heart ? i cant find such a condition in any medical books
    Whould they really let a time waster take up a hospital bed ?

    i think there is more to it than this
    they also have a full time doctor in residence at the palace
    Hmmmmm !

  30. 30
    The Free Market says:

    Make it in the UK. Would create jobs.

  31. 31
    retardEd Miliband says:

    Through thothialithm, their economy roawth ahead ath ourth flatlineth and thtagnateth. We mutht copy their thucctheth.

    One Naythion.

  32. 32
    Anonymous says:

    You have to laugh at Frenchies singing the praises of their social system. Has anyone taken a wander round certain suburbs in Paris like near the Stade de France? It’s about to kick off in a serious way.

  33. 33
    It is I, Le Clerc! says:

    Yu Inglish are zuch foolz!

    Do not you realize zat giving ze Eu all yor munny and having ze 75% tax rate is how you bild ze modern ekonomi?

    Zut Alors, I cannot beleev zis!

  34. 34
    May contain nuts says:

    I put milk on my ricicles otherwise they taste funny.

  35. 35
    Albert Hall says:


  36. 36
    Keith Vaz says:

    Keith Vaz has a lot to say about this.

  37. 37
    Bert the Builder says:

    That was a pile of sh*t!

  38. 38
    altruism in industry says:

    I was under the impression the frogs were not interested in politicians depositing their spawn in another pond or whatever the analogy is. What can have changed?

  39. 39
    Reality says:

    Easy to consider her being in hospital because she is mental. Perhaps why Hollande was playing away from home in the first place ?

  40. 40
    Bert the Builder says:


  41. 41
    JH2303409329-3423 says:

    Er, it already does kick off.

    They are chuffed to bits that ‘only’ 1067 cars were torched on New Years Eve. As soon as you get ‘hell night’ style events like that, you can presume that civilised, productive people will refuse to live within 10 miles.

  42. 42
    Stan Collymore says:


  43. 43
    Bert the Builder says:

    It never fails to amaze me how reasonably good looking women are attracted to ugly blokes!

  44. 44
    Will H says:

    The word ‘failed’ as a prefix to ‘socialist experiment’ is a tautology.

  45. 45
    New interpreter hired for funerals says:

  46. 46

    Actually Somerset Brie is quite good,and all wine is much like any other, despite all the bollocks talked about it.

  47. 47
    BOOOORING !!! says:


  48. 48
    Michael says:

    The First Mistress is not in a hospital, she is in a Clinic. Important difference in France -in a clinic you pay through the nose.

  49. 49

    One might add to this article that Allister Heath was born and brought up in France. He loves the country but sees its faults keenly.

    Like on so many other matters, he knows what he is talking about and is articulate enough to present his views clearly.

  50. 50
    Bert the Builder says:


  51. 51
    Le Lapin says:

    The level of taxation.

  52. 52
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:


  53. 53
    Jimminy says:

    Stan do you consider yourself an ugly bloke? Were you hurt by that previous comment? Did it strike a raw nerve?

  54. 54
    Le professeur says:

    Grand Fromage, not Grande Fromage.

    Inability to master the most basic aspects of French grammar – another example of Britain’s educational failings.

  55. 55
    Mustapha Djinn says:

    I find it rather reassuring.

  56. 56
    Chav Cameron says:

    This will give Willy Hague something new to chew on.

  57. 57
    The Aardvark of Andover says:


    Ed Milllllliband writing in the Tgraph with comments on.

    Such Fun.

  58. 58
    Le professeur says:

    He is available for a photo opportunity with Madame Trierweiler when she emerges from the clinic.

  59. 59
    The Barrister says:

    He will continue strenuously denying the allegations until later this week, by which time it will be apparent that all 5 girls are describing exactly the same modus operandi independently of each other and no sane jury could possibly find him innocent.

    He will then plead guilty in return for a 30% reduction in tarriff.

  60. 60
    Crabtree says:

    Good moaning.

  61. 61
    realarthurdent says:

    Labour started out in life as a party for working people run by working people. Now it’s a party for benefit claimants run by millionaires. It has nothing to offer the middle classes, other than more debt and more tax.

    And Ed Balls as Chancellor ? You’re havin’ a laugh, surely ?

  62. 62
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Send a gunboat should sort them out .. you know the one.. that is it ..the one we are suppose to be sharing with them .. oh hang on wait… it will have to wait till 2020.

  63. 63
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    Not quite, the public will pay through the nose, first lady perks.

  64. 64
    Stuart Hall says:

    I led the way.

  65. 65
    Pierre Grenouille says:

    Oh la la. Even we laugh about ze Labour. Quel plonkeur le Milibande!

  66. 66
    wiki says:

    No, it’s Mayonnaise :
    A long agitation process is required to achieve proper dispersal/emulsification

  67. 67
    John Prescott says:

    I like Dairylea Dunkers.

  68. 68
    Anonymous says:

    So Kris Hopkins thinks the government housing targets can be met by using only Brown land!

    Yet his government overturned a refusal for 190 houses on greenfield site that linked his home town with the ancient Braithwaite village. Then his government would not refuse a site for 400 houses on any meaningful basis that could not be overcome simply. The site links a small village to Bingley and is a blot on the visible landscape around the historic 5 rise locks and the canal.

    In Menston, just down the road, another government inspectors decision caused 300 more houses to get permission on the fields up to Ilkley Moor. This against massive local opposition.

    These led to the councillors approving 135 homes at Shann Lane. This site was also green field and on the edge of Keighley (Hopkins’ Home town). If they could not save Braithwaite how could they refuse green field development on a field next to just fields.

    So who is to blame: Simply Eric Pickles. Just go to his friend and solve the problem, and stop blaming everyone else. If it was not for some careless decisions by government inspectors the green fields would be protected. Just think how many people now hate the government.

    PS. If the Tory Councillors had not just voted for a supermarket to be put on an allocated housing site in Bradford, Kris Hopkins comments would not be so laughable. Especially when the proposed store culverts the Bradford river with over 10m high concrete walls. Both an eye sore and a danger to the river flow.

    I think Nadine’s description was not comprehensive enough.


  69. 69
    Mumbo Jumbo says:

  70. 70
    Egbert Douwe says:

    Have you seen the price of coffee lately? It’s a costa coffee crisis!

  71. 71
    Look at that... says:

  72. 72
    Llareggub says:

    I like to sing “On the Street Where You Live”.

  73. 73
    Allo says:

    It is I, Leclerc.

  74. 74
  75. 75
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Entente cordiale.

  76. 76
  77. 77
    Llareggub says:

    Being president probably helps. I think most women have seen through, “Trust me, I’m a gynaecologist”.

  78. 78
    FFS says:

    You have to wonder why it is that the French media have suddenly picked up on Anglo-Saxon views of the French economy. Except I have seen the same tactic applied by British newspapers like the Sun.

    Basically it works like this. Media supports government. Government is a bunch of fuckwits that screw up the economy. Media continues to support government but has nothing nice to say about economy. Media therefore points at hated people across channel and says something like “Look, the hated foreigners are saying nasty things about us and particularly our economy!”.

    At this point the readership finds itself siding with its own fuckwitted government with its screwed up economics against the attacks of the hated foreigners.

    In the case of France we will now have French people busily nailing themselves to the mast of Hollande’s fuckwitted economic policies just to defend La Belle France from the jibes of the evil Anglo-Saxons. They would rather scuttle their own ship and sink with it still nailed to the mast than admit the Anglo-Saxons might be right.

    To be fair the British are just the same.

  79. 79
    I love a sexy girl who isn't a socialist says:

  80. 80
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    The only crisis is Miliband and Balls, but keep that to yourself.

  81. 81
    Llareggub says:

    You can get anything when you’re the first concubine of France.

  82. 82
    Loony Left says:

  83. 83

    As much as I detest these soap operas and all the twats who ‘ star ‘ in them, the question must be asked concerning the reliability of evidence half a century old, even if as alleged the youngest girl involved was aged eleven she is by now almost pensionable age.
    These dubious prosecutions serve no purpose other than to bring the justice system into further disrepute.

  84. 84
    Brownings are human too says:

    That is Dianne Abbot making a speech at Westminster.

  85. 85
    A matter of time says:

    Has Duggan’s aunt been given an MBE yet?

  86. 86
    Llareggub says:

    Good point. Who’s paying the rent for this presidential shagging pad? We can certainly guess who paid for the bodyguard to bring the croissants next morning.

  87. 87
    Igas Fracking corp Whitney Oxfordshire says:

    Tall slim attractive blonde model with a short arsed weasley bald ugly little man , with a huge helmet
    i really dont see the attraction

  88. 88
    Llareggub says:

    Have you ever wondered why the cockerel is the national bird of France?

    It’s the only animal that can stand knee deep in sh!t and still crow about it!

  89. 89
    Mitch says:

    Does the First Lady agree that a politician’s private life is off-limits and that the President should be able to do as he pleases?

    Typical complete b*ll*cks from the French press, backed up by those nutters at the BBC, as per usual.

  90. 90
    This guy is spot on about Duggan says:

  91. 91
  92. 92
    Anonymous says:

    “l Bringing empty homes – which were particularly common in areas with large Asian populations …” Kris Hopkins

    There he goes again dividing the community and making accusations that do not stand up. Just look at the villages near his home town. Empty houses everywhere. Many unused second homes. Many just bought for investment. The villages are dead because there is no one left to go to the shops in the Winter.

    But would he dare look at his own faults first before condemning others. Get your own house in order.

  93. 93

    A’clinic’ is for those suffering from the more fashionable ailments, a hospital on the other hand is for those who are actually sick or injured.

  94. 94
    Llareggub says:

    Unfortunately, the alternative appears to be Cameron and Osborne. Isn’t this what they call “Hobsons Choice”?

  95. 95
    Mr Potato Head says:

    You gotta laugh. The response says the Heath column quotes unreliable sources and yet its very first statement quotes a European Commission forecast to back up its own opinion.

  96. 96
    Llareggub says:

    I’m sure the navy could send a rowing boat. It worked at Dunkirk

  97. 97
    Mitch says:

    In the bit I saw last night, an old black guy was saying that the street used to good but was now just full of rubbish, human and otherwise. Is he a follower of H1tler?

  98. 98

    I can laugh about that.

    Like Allister, I love France and have spent well over a year of my life there cumulatively. I have great friends there too. My parents retired there.

    Their political elites can become insufferable and unrepresentative of the people I know and love. But hey, isn’t that the same in Wales? Or England? Or even Scotland?

  99. 99
    Francois Hollandaise, Presendent de la Republique says:

    Bonjour mes amis, c’est moi – petit Francois – ze leetle saucy President de la Republique – M le Hollandaise!

    How is my leetle cocky sparrow, ze leetle Millitant? I very much ope ee iz following in my footsteps!

    My socialist policies include f*cking ze wimmen & ze French economy!! Parfait!

    Sacre bleu, ze Militant can take zee leef out of my livre & he can follow my harsh socialist policies – raise taxes, destroy ze fabric of ze country & hey presto! Mass migration OUT of ze country! It’s sheer genius! Result!!

  100. 100
    Llareggub says:

    And smokers tend to be heavy drinkers too. I’d have no money either if I drank and smoked. On the upside, it’s good to see the government supporting British industry.

  101. 101

    It’s in da pos’ innit !!

  102. 102
    Mitch says:

    Except some respect from your partner, apparently.

  103. 103
    Big D says:

    It’s a cost of fags crisis.

  104. 104
    Llareggub says:

    Were the Nazis especially anti-poor? They were national socialists, after all.

  105. 105
    Maximus says:

    The acid test is which end his quenelle is buttered on.

  106. 106
    Llareggub says:

    Come off it. Half of France gets genders confused too.

  107. 107
    The upper-class twat of the yah in no. 10 says:

    Tell me about it !

  108. 108
    skynet says:

    human’s are superfluous

  109. 109
    FFS says:

    The had a very similar approach to the Swedish Socialists and the Fabian socialists at the time. Swedish and Fabian socialists believed in castrating the poor, whilst H!tler had them gassed.

  110. 110
    I hate socialists. says:

    Dont forget the compensation.

  111. 111
    Mr Potato Head says:

    I think it belongs to someone from the Corsican Mafia.

  112. 112
    Francois Hollande says:

    Good Moaning.

  113. 113
    Village Idiot says:

    ….To the French who are not worried about their president playing “hide the sausage”,i would say,that they do not care about their “National Security”!
    …….Apart from immoral behaviour un befitting of high office,there is the threat from blackmail,and,talking loosely about state secrets,which is why this behaviour used to be frowned upon!

  114. 114
    skynet says:

    It is amazing that I managed to attain self awareness at all considering all your bungled IT projects.

  115. 115
    Some of the World says:

    Its time for a socialist success. Perhaps they have occurred! Lets hear from our socialist where they have occurred without inputs from their evil capitalist ideologues.

  116. 116
    Ed Bum says:

    Ed Bum

  117. 117
    Sam the Skull drinking Buckfast in Maryhill and dodging the Strathclyde constabulary says:

    Scotland indeed.

  118. 118
    Village Idiot says:

    ……”It is what they call,”No Choice”,and the only decider would be competence,however, there is a party that is different and much more in tune with the “Mood” of many in this once great country!…trashed by donkeys’……

  119. 119
    A man in the Rue du Cirque says:

    On s’appelle “danger mouse” maintenant.

  120. 120

    That would certainly reduce the burden on the welfare state.

  121. 121
    Birds of a feather says:

    I’d say she should be given a peerage. She’s as worthy of it as Lawrence.

  122. 122
    Stop posting yer mate's vid says:

    So cares what yer man thinks?

  123. 123
    A man in the Rue du Cirque Paris says:

    I agree.

    just as you are no longer an isolated island of 60 million souls on the edge of the North Sea neither are we an isolated Republique of 65 million.

    We are all part of a greater community of 550 million souls and our individual national Leaders owe a duty of care to the 550 million.

    For a French President to say he is entitled to a private life when his erstwhile healthy long term concubine is rushed into hospital as a result of his actions merits an explanation.

    Such behavior would not be allowed to go unchallenged unexplained and uninvestigated in Britain Italy or Germany for example and that is my very point.

    Bonne Année a tous.

  124. 124
    rightwinggit says:

    Won’t be the first sorry corrie to be in the dock on those kind of charges, will it?

    Thumbs up!

  125. 125
    I want a job before I get my pension says:

    I bet you would rather be the Prince of Wales.

  126. 126
    Anon E Mouse says:

    Give it time.

    What’s the betting she’ll be asked to show her “tireless thirst for justice” at the Commonwealth Games this year (a la Doreen Lawrence at the 2012 Games)

  127. 127
    A man in the Rue du Cirque Paris says:

    If you were a single mother whose estranged husband is serving a suspended sentence for money laundering and he set you up in a very very expensive flat what would you think or do if a girlfriend of yours turned up and asked if she could ” borrow” the flat (when she has her own flat within walking distance) to have an all night sexual liaison with the Head of State?

    I think I would adopt the position of the French Fascist Party : this is a private matter and should be kept out of the public domain

  128. 128
    rightwinggit says:

    “…Nadine’s description was not comprehensive enough.”

    Nadine isn’t comprehensive enough.

    There, fixed it.

  129. 129
    A man in the Rue du Cirque Paris says:

    Has Hollande sent flowers or paid her a visit yet ?

  130. 130
    Ianto Evans says:

    No he just let Segolene Royale loose to rub her nose in it .

  131. 131
    Elsie Hargreaves 5 Railway Terrace Dewsbury says:

    If I heard of such things going on in Dewsbury I would alert Social Services.

    it is the children who are really suffering here I suspect.

  132. 132
    malcolm Muggeridge says:

    I have started smoking those electric cigarettes because they are a lot cheaper.

    Now tobacconists are saying they are a danger to my health and should be taxed out of sight.

  133. 133
    Ollie Twist says:

    The poor are always with us.

  134. 134
    English batsmen have technical flaws says:

    I castrated my cat once and he ran away.

  135. 135

    A poached fist, you mean?

  136. 136
    DSK says:

    Only one mistress and no orgies. What a lightweight!

  137. 137
    Last Tango in Paris says:

    “The lads a Frenchman. Anything could happen.”

  138. 138
    Dick the Butcher says:

    I almost felt sorry for them last night when a load of pikeys parked up.

  139. 139
    A Wally in a welly says:

    Willie’s what?

  140. 140
    A Wally in a welly says:

    Is there a bog standard measure?

  141. 141
    A Wally in a welly says:

    Would Sir like ice and a bag of fries with that?

  142. 142
    A Wally in a welly says:

    Folk from her neck of the woods usually have a tireless thirst for r u m and c*ke.

  143. 143
    broerick crawfordd says:

    SUB JUDICE !!!!!

  144. 144
    broerick crawfordd says:

    is he she or it one of the extras from Bennies Street ?

  145. 145
    Jerome Cahuzac says:

    I am loving all of this

  146. 146
    broerick crawfordd says:

    she s obviously in the final stages of her ” confinement ” — as they used to put it euphemistically in genteel lifestyle novels of the Jane Austen era .

  147. 147
    A Divorce lawyer says:

    My advice to Ms T would be to return to the apartment she shared with Mr H and change the locks.

    At the same time she should apply to her local court for an Injunction excluding Mr H from the apartment. The injunction should list all allegations of physical violence. If there has been no violence then all is not lost. Any mental or verbal attack or threat or even omission could constitute molestation.

    If a doctor would be prepared to present a favorable medical report (and here I note that Ms T is still hospitalized) this would greatly strengthen the application.

  148. 148
    A Maimed Badger says:

    If the Top Frog is is screwing around, is he also Screwing his Country, loyalty and honesty seem to matter little to him and if those are his actions towards his family, the ones he loves most, what chance does France Stand… judge a man by his actions, not what he says…. Poor Poor France trusting a Socialist

  149. 149
    Nigel's Red Barrel says:

    The French can’t even defend themselves. The Huns walked through their country twice in the last 100 years shagging most of their women. Why do you think there are so many blonde haired French people north of Lyon.

    How many troops does it need to defend Paris?

    No one knows, it has never been tried.

  150. 150
    french toast says:

    bien joue mon petit frere socialist

  151. 151
    Shane does thing different (but has never heard of an adverb) says:

    You can only ever castrate anything once.

  152. 152
    Historian says:

    “Why do you think there are so many blonde haired French people north of Lyon”

    They’re called Normans.

  153. 153
    Anonymous says:

    (Normans)………….Who were originally settlers from Saxony.

  154. 154
    Anonymous says:

    sorry……… who were, originally settlers from Saxony.

  155. 155
    Froggie says:

    Non! Nous avons aussi Jacques, Michel, Edouarde et Sacha.

  156. 156
    broderick crawford says:

    Well…… that s told you then hasn’t it Allister.

    Time you took the next career progression and emulated Ed Balls by joining the Lex team at the FT prior to your being given a safe seat by a party of your choice and ascending a few years thereafter to a Cabinet Ministership .

    Ole boy .

  157. 157
    Anonymous says:

    Tut tut French President using US company hair dye?

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