January 13th, 2014

Penny Phwoar-daunt


  1. 1
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Thighs just like yours Guido.

  2. 2
    Ghost of Jimmy.S says:

    Now then – now then…

  3. 3
  4. 4
    Muff Diver says:

    Why is it Called Splash?

  5. 5
    Call Me Dave says:

    Is bracing himself for the camel toe cliches

  6. 6
    Anonymous says:

    Where has her right leg gone under the water?

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:


  8. 8
    Diane Fartbott says:

    Why didn’t they ask me?

  9. 9
    Tom Daley says:

    Take a guess Ducky.

  10. 10
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Two words, too much info

  11. 11
    Nut Cracker says:

    Thunder Thighs.

  12. 12
    Ah! Monika says:

    Let’s have a look again when / if she resurfaces

  13. 13
    Thunder Thighs says:

    What’s she going to do when Eric Pickles wants his legs back?

  14. 14
    Ian Smith says:

    Universal Credit will be delivered on time and on budget.

  15. 15
    Fake Photo Alert says:

    She’s Legless.

  16. 16
    'Elf 'n Safety says:

    Male contestants are advised not to bend over in front of Tom.

  17. 17
    Geoffrey Brooking says:

    Essential viewing especally with Ukip planning a protest beforehand.

  18. 18
    retardEd Miliband says:

    Cotht of living cwithith.

  19. 19
    Phwooooooooooooooaar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! says:

    Fuck off. I like my ladies curvy and normal, not matchsticks.

  20. 20
    John Smith says:

    Is she pregnant?

  21. 21
    retardEd Miliband says:

    Cotht of living cwithith.

  22. 22
    Jank Yer Planck says:

    A body like Eric Pickles.

  23. 23
    John Smith says:

    That’s alright then, you can have her.

  24. 24
    Victoria Meldrew says:

    Tony Blair delivering a eulogy about peace: satire is now officially dead.

  25. 25
    Surr Nob Skelpoff says:

    She’ll not go down with the fans of Splash who want to look at Tom in his budgie smugglers.

  26. 26
    Nope says:

    It’s called Splash, not Tidal Wave.

  27. 27
    Bumwatch says:

    To change the thread for a sec. Turned on the radio this weekend and Glen Glen Greenwald was holding forth, it was pretty amazing he just opens his mouth and non stop crap comes pouring out without taking a breath. The upshot is that he is holed up in Brazil hiding between his boyfriends buttocks, too scared to go back to the States in case he is arrested.

  28. 28
    Breaking News says:

    Penny Mordaunt has jumped into a swimming pool.

    In other news, residents living near a swimming pool were evacuated to emergency shelters after their homes were unexpectedly flooded today.

  29. 29
    I hope Blair dies of 40 cancera says:

    Satire died when he was made peace envoy.

  30. 30
    Phwooooooooooooooaar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! says:

    Happy to.

  31. 31
    Geoffrey Brooking says:

    I always thought that Handycock was the expert at ducking and diving :-)

  32. 32
    Mitch says:

    Fair do’s to her, she’s braver than most women, which itself is attractive.

  33. 33
    Phwooooooooooooooaar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! says:

  34. 34
    FFS says:

    There’s a woman on Sky news saying she will do anything to stop fracking. I thought “Less fibre in your diet maybe?”

  35. 35
    Liberace's wig says:

    A dirty protest?

  36. 36
    Julian the Wonderhorse says:

    Does that make her a Tory Wet? Boom boom!

  37. 37
    Phwooooooooooooooaar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! says:

    No, she’s sexy.

  38. 38
    Displaced Brummie says:

    Wow. She’s hot. And cute.

  39. 39

    Not many of those to the pound.

    Oh God! I’ve just broken the law on metrication…

  40. 40
  41. 41
    retardEd Miliband says:

    Penny ith diving too far, too fatht.

  42. 42

    Ha! Ha!

    Oops! Back in five…

  43. 43
    Mr Potato Head says:

    Obesity crisis

  44. 44
    TOM GAYLEY says:

    It’s just a photo ! Does nothing for me

  45. 45
    Galileo says:

    Hard to believe. But if She and Tom jumped off the 30 foot board together they would both reach the water at the same time.

  46. 46
    Specsavers says:

    Cute? Kittens are cute. A young Kate Bush is cute. Penny is cute in the same way Eric Pickles is cute.

  47. 47
    Ippikin says:


  48. 48

    I would , how you say “Dive it “

  49. 49
    Sir Isaac Newton says:

    Not if she stopped off to eat some more pies on the way down,

  50. 50
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Well, she’s put on a few pounds since she entered politics; must be those terrible taxpayer-funded rations in the HoC.

  51. 51
    Just slightly more than a doubting Thomas says:

    All of the pigs are fully fuelled and prepped and lined up on the runway ready to go.

  52. 52
    MILF WATCH says:

    Last time i saw an arse like that
    The Lone Ranger was strapping a saddle on it

  53. 53
  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    Balls / Alexander bust up still not reported by the BBC

    Now if that were two Tories etc etc etc

  55. 55
    DR Death says:

    Not bad for a fat lass….

  56. 56
    Abbotts Newsnight says:

    MP’s should not question the outcomes of jury decisions

  57. 57
    MOBY DICK says:

    Phwoar ! it’s a Sperm whale

  58. 58
    Gashwatch says:

    She looks like you’d have to roll her in flour to find the wet parts.

  59. 59
    Doc Brown says:

    There’s that word again. “Heavy.” Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the Earth’s gravitational pull?

  60. 60
    Michel-Francois Hollandycoque says:

    Been there done her.


  61. 61
    Diane Fartbott says:

    I’m baffled!

  62. 62
    Leopards.... Spots says:

    Some Black MPs never change

  63. 63
    Rhubarb says:

    Heavy? Oh dear, let’s hope there might be a pop-out moment…

  64. 64
    Sir Michael White says:


  65. 65
    She is a racist and a shit stirrer says:

    Abbott actually said live on “This week” that Law makers should never call into doubt the verdict of a Jury.

    I guess this rule does not apply when she is seeking maximum publicity in her attempt to be nominated as the Labour London Mayor candidate.

  66. 66
    There's a first says:

    Sexier with her clothes on!

  67. 67
    Diane Abbottomasbigasthemoon says:

    I ignore my own dictums when they become inconvenient to me.

  68. 68
    Political Physics says:

    But if she and Dave jumped off the 30 foot board together, then Dave would need a trip to hospital and she would win the higher majority.

  69. 69
  70. 70
    Gok - big cock - Wan says:

    Only if they’re an 18

  71. 71
    Rhubarb says:

    No ‘in case’ about it. The Yanks are extemely unforgiving especially to somebody who reveals what utter cvnts they all really are. He’d better stay where he is.

  72. 72
    Casual Observer 5 says:

    John Hemming was recommending parents who have a problem with social services go abroad rather than deal with the family courts in the UK because those courts are thoroughly corrupt.

    Not to break thread, but there seems to be a theme here.

    Agree with John, but are Labour trying to sow seeds of doubt because they are likely to be prosecuted for war crimes re !raq, at long last ?

  73. 73
    Mornington Crescent says:

    You’re too far up your own dictum, dear.

  74. 74
    Diane Fatbott says:


  75. 75
    Leopards.... Spots says:

    Who is paying for the r1ce and peas

  76. 76
    Rhubarb says:

    Labour London Mayor? More like Labour London Mare. If she wins where will Londoners go to get out from under? It will be a great weight to bear.

  77. 77

    Unless it is to reverse a not guilty verdict and canonise the drug dealing ‘ Victim ‘ and elevate his publicity hungry mother to the house of Lords

  78. 78
    What is the purpose of Ken Clarke? says:

    foreigners make the UK “far more exciting and healthier”.

    Yeah, it’s exciting and healthy to run after the Romanian who’s just nicked your wallet.

  79. 79
    Village Idiot says:

    …..No one has mentioned, “Muff Diving”,…or is that tone lowering on this wondrous site?

  80. 80
    Michael Gove says:

    I want kids to learn an important language at school, such as Mexican, Brazilian or South African.

  81. 81
    Sheikh Basha Banka says:

    So today bank leverage ratios have been quietly relaxed yet not a word here or more than a squeak in the mass media.

    What goes around comes around.

    Lets all get back on the gravy train!

    Light touch regulation of Financial Services will be back by June.

  82. 82
    Rhubarb says:

    Too much of that will give you a bad case of the acne marshes.

  83. 83
    Sheikh Basha Banka says:

    Perhaps you should concentrate on getting them to speak English first.

  84. 84
    Village Idiot says:

    …..Healthier,would that be from all the exotic diseases these exotic people bring in to these shores?

  85. 85
    Ed Balls says:

    Ed Balls

  86. 86
    Leopards.... Spots says:

    If only the Kray twins were still alive we could set up a gang war in the BOOTHROYD ROOM.

    Betty would turn in her grave ( if she was dead )

  87. 87
    So why did Geedo pick a less than flattering picture? says:

  88. 88
    Yom Kipper says:

    You are Malcolm Rifkind and I calim my 5 shekels

  89. 89
    Modern Language Teacher says:

    I would like to point out the practical difficulties encountered explaining the grammatical structure of a foreign language to children who have no understanding whatsoever of the grammatical structure of their mother tongue.

    You may as well keep your money in your pocket .

  90. 90
    Gordon Clown says:

    I know all about bravery, I even wrote a book about it.

  91. 91
    You don't say? says:

    “Miss Mordaunt said the task was ‘radically different’ to her job”

  92. 92
    john mackie says:

    Fat. Untoned. Obese. Ugly.

    A typical middle aged English woman.

  93. 93
    Rhubarb says:

    Is Muffin the Mule still illegal? Or can it now be shown on all channels before the watershed?

  94. 94
    The BBC, the most unbiased news organisation in the Universe says:

    There are three reasons for this…

    1. It involves Ed Balls

    2. It involves Wee Dougie

    3. Their argument was about the EU

  95. 95
    Rhubarb says:

    Are you in fact simply parsing the buck?

  96. 96
    Rhubarb says:

    .. or indeed a Scotch fishwife.

  97. 97
    One Biddiecombe says:

    Does all Tory Totty go to the swimming baths in badly fitting gaudy one piece swimsuits and nail varnish ?

  98. 98
    Wee Dougie says:


  99. 99
    Mitch says:

    Messing about whilst somebody else pays. Sounds exactly the same?

  100. 100
    Flying PIGS says:

    You are correct.

    It has taken me 5 mins to find this story on the net…

    Regulators to ease bank rule to help economic recovery


    The Depression is officially over folks!

  101. 101
    John Smith says:

    We’d need sound for the full effect. And an outstretched hand..

  102. 102

    Yes ! it makes sure people keep their TB vaccinations up to date.

  103. 103
    Displaced Brummie says:

    You fancy Eric Pickles? Oh, well. Each to their own.

  104. 104
    The European Working Directive says:

    Maybe she’s doing it in her spare time?

    Even MPs get time off.

  105. 105

    Just like the lib dem bumboys

  106. 106
    Mustafa Plunge says:

    There is no swim suit that has ever been made that would be big enough.

    Can women dive in a burqa?

  107. 107
    walking into darkness says:

    Good job that Splash is indoors and not on the beach

  108. 108
    Balls Ed says:

    Too fast, too soon!

  109. 109
  110. 110
    Cinna says:

    Sky, skin or muff?

  111. 111
    General Farquhart says:

    Back to 2008 we come.

  112. 112
    John Bellingham says:

    Surely MPILF?

  113. 113
    John Ketch says:

    You mimic the rancid little pouf who was on Sky Breakfast discussing today’s newspapers. Miss Morduant deserves our attention–you lot have Chris Bryant.

  114. 114
    Johnny Norfolk says:

    She should win the depth charge competion.

  115. 115
    Fish says:

    The kids are at last getting a good education. Cheap at half the price.

  116. 116
    John Bellingham says:

    The subject at hand is Penny Morduant in a swimsuit. A Brazilian is self explanatory, a Mexican one can work out–something to do with waves, but what is a South African? Shaved like Zuma? Stumped like Pistorius? Talks like Peter Hain? Looks like Mandela?

  117. 117

    I was talking about beer.

  118. 118
    The Headmaster says:

    And my brother’s building firm has got a nice little contract for the school renovation project.

    Have you met my niece? She is the Art teacher.

  119. 119
    Heidi Alexander MP says:

    Anything she can do I can do better.

  120. 120
    Abbott tries to delete the internet says:

    She has now deleted this Tweet. Hope you have a screenshot Guido.

  121. 121
    I hate socialists. says:

    Glen Greenwald should be arrested for treason ,he is a disgusting individual and has
    done untold harm to the USA and the West.

  122. 122
    Elysee Palace says:

    Night time address s’il vous plait, mercie.

  123. 123
    Twat Watch says:

    Oh do fuck off you twat!

  124. 124
    Circling Investment Banker says:

    Isn’t it super? I’ve had my eyes on a rather agreeable palazzo in Siena for some time…

  125. 125
    Jasmin Beckett's Dildo says:

    Penny will be demonstrating Labour’s Economic plan, through the medium of the bellyflop

  126. 126
    George Smiley says:

    I didn’t know you were a Chubby Chaser Guido…..

    Mark that under Official Secrets delete

  127. 127
    FFS says:

    I think “ugly” is a bit harsh. She’s quite attractive from the neck up for a lady in her middle years. It’s from the neck down that everything goes a bit “pear-shaped”.

  128. 128
    Where are Tony Blair's Expenses says:

    In other news the ship yard workers in Portsmouth will still lose their jobs and she will lose her seat at the next election

  129. 129
    Ah! Monika says:

    Spare tyre methinks

  130. 130
    ss says:

    Penny do not swim anywhere near Japan, you will get harpooned and end up going slow motion round a sushi bar.

  131. 131
    Airey Belvoir says:

    I thought that the Tories were trying to reduce waist in Government.

  132. 132
    Airey Belvoir says:

    ..and slap her on the thighs and surf in on the ripples.

  133. 133
    Magnolia says:

    She is a brave woman.
    That swimsuit is doing nothing to enhance her beauty.
    It is much too large for her, has inadequate support in the breast and abdominal areas and it should be of a large patterned fabric to break up her silhouette or in just a plain dark coloured fabric such as black or navy blue.
    She could easily ‘lose’ a stone in a better cosi.
    She should have ensured that photos included all of her leg length as well.

  134. 134
    Fahrenheit says:

    Personally I think it’s nice to see a woman not afraid to show off her curves in a swimsuit, even if she is an MP.

  135. 135
    mellors says:

    Shes a reet big lass,her mound of venus must be as big as Vesuvius.

  136. 136
    Dr Oopy says:

    Purely by coincidence, I’ve just splashed out on a new pair of pants.

  137. 137
    Das Boot says:

    No muff’s too tough. We dive at five.

  138. 138
    A Maimed Badger says:

    Which part of her body will hit the water first, that is the question

  139. 139
    broderick crawford says:

    things are so heavy doc coz apparently we have a morbid obesity problem ……. and unlike the climate changers i fear this time there is merit in the argument .

  140. 140
    broderick crawford says:

    tsunami alert ??

  141. 141
    broderick crawford says:

    Are you the Ian Smith who declared UDI in Rhidesia in
    the mid Seventies ??

  142. 142
    GuntWatch says:

    Gunt or FUPA….you decide.

  143. 143
    broderick crawford says:

    In tandem with one if his recently deceased political contemporaries today, it can be confirmed that a Mr G Brown entered a deep non resuscitating coma in 1997 . During the periid 1997 -2010 he underwent electrical impulse experiences in unsuccessful attempts by medical staff to re awaken him but to no avail . It was during this period that the monitored cerebral cortex activity manifested his having a continuous series of dreams during which he assumed the roles of Chancellor of tbe Exchequer and Prime Minister respectively .

    Since May 2010 he has furher regressed and is now believed to be living a hermit – like existence inside his alter ego in Fife.

  144. 144
  145. 145
    Anonymous says:

    I would sooner pay her food bill for a week than a fortnight

  146. 146
    broderick crawford says:

    what is it with hollande and fascinating /attractive women .. how does he pull so effectively ??

    he s had at least one wife and several girlfriends , acquaintances and
    “partners” yet looks like herman van rumpsteaks cousin !!!

    Do they all feel the need to mother him ?

  147. 147
    broderick crawford says:

    That s why she sends her child to private (“public” ) school and when exhaustively pressed by Brillo on the matter on a quasi -weekly basis she goes into her “Andrew I have no further comment to make on that matter ……” syndrome .

  148. 148
    broderick crawford says:


    why are twitter blocking the political blogs/videos of john ward of THE SLOG website ? he is a right winger but no more or less so than pat condell who is allowed on guido regularly .

    john ward can still be found either at the slog website or on youtube who have not banned him yet but possibly search it under his middle name of anthony ward which he says he has begun using in an effort to thwart the twitterati praetorian guard .

  149. 149
    bomber says:

    They’ll be calling it splooosh! after she’s been in.

  150. 150
    You can't compress water says:

    As long as she doesn’t loose her costume!

  151. 151
    broderick crawford says:

    Yes village idiot we do believe use of such phrasing lowers the tone .

    Suggest you moderate your language by referring to the practice as slow oral erosion of a particularly receptive loose floorcovering.

  152. 152
    I hate socialists. says:

    Go back to Damascus .

  153. 153
    Nemesis says:

    Penny Phwoar-daunt: Are you joking? I’ve seen better legs in a butcher’s shop. Way too heavy for my liking.

  154. 154
    Maggie the dog says:

    Agree a bit fat

  155. 155
    Dr Gordon Brown says:

    I’ve never heard of the fat tart. But she’s got legs like Sarah’s.

    No more bum and bust.

  156. 156
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    The poor old Japs have suffered enough :-)

  157. 157
    Dreary Steeples says:

    Built for comfort not for speed.

  158. 158
    Nelsonsgoodeye says:

    Pics like that make me think that maybe burkas aren’t such a bad idea after all!

  159. 159
    Tongue-tied says:

    If she wore a knife-belt and you half-closed your eyes you could imagine Ursula Andress emerging from the waves in Doctor No.

  160. 160
    Headmaster says:

    A proper curvy woman. Those who criticise her appearance are presumably homosexualists. Why isn’t Esther Mcvey on this programme>

  161. 161
    Nemesis says:

    You’d have to shut your eyes tight and have a vivid imagination for that to happen.

  162. 162
    Nemesis says:

    You mean a rather faty woman – and I’m no homosexual.

  163. 163
    sunderland is a Labour ghetto thats why its shyte says says:


  164. 164
    fed-up in britain says:

    very heavy .Not something to attempt best to stick to the day job. But she gets 10/10 for sheer bloody nerve.W HAT A PORKER.

  165. 165
    Handycock says:

    That would be good. She can join me in my constituency next door.

  166. 166
    Homo intolerant says:

    Thank God we’re spared the odious Bryant on TV in his swim shorts . Yeuch!!

  167. 167
    Roy Thompson says:

    Wouldn’t your helmet get in the way?

  168. 168
    Dilip Dutta says:

    We don’t want anything from the Grauniad, thank you. Anyway, the BBC have bought the rights to all Grauniad nonsense.

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