January 10th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Soon Edition)


  1. 1
    Ian says:

    The Ghost of Tories Past


    • 33
      Ten says:

      east comes before ian. and who is in the eastend. eff ing indians.
      remove T, get ian. remove east, get the end.


      • 131
        Twatwatch says:

        Add C to unt u twat


        • 199
          Osbourne says:



          • Qui Bono says:

            Osborne on the new 4k telescreen warns plebs about sugar. And smoking. And drinking. Fatty food, salt, getting your five-a-day. Exercising, sorting out your garbage, not drving too much or flying, turning down your central heating. CO2 obviously, not saying anything on twitter he doesn’t personally approve of, not protesting without his permission, getting council permission to do more or less anything, spotting suspicious looking people, being molested at airportsecurity, not being mean to gays or muslims (unless you are in the RAF in which case, bombs away), Oh and your taxes are dues on January 31st. Great here innit, four million Bulgarians say so.


    • 54
      England says:

      There’s that traitor Osborne, outside pissing in, again.


    • 112
      Psyche the Dog says:

      Gideon: So that is what old plebs eat.
      The old couple to one another: woman to husband, who’s that creepy looking oik staring at.


  2. 2
    Cymro oddi ar y llinell says:

    Chancellor pleased that tax breaks have allowed cafe society finally to arrive in Dalston.


  3. 3
    George Osborne says:

    I’m glad I’m not a pleb.


  4. 4
    WelshRacer says:

    George Osborne reflects on 2014


  5. 5

    Christ, is that really what hard-working people look like?


  6. 6
    Ed Balls touched me in my special place says:

    George is just making sure he has remained human after Michael Howard bit him.


    • 80
      Anonymous says:

      OR given that disturbing grin.

      George is just making sure, having been bitten by Gordon Brown, he is not turning into Gordon Brown


      • 137
        mencap says:

        Having to understand and unravel Browns thought processes in enough to make any one go off the rails.


  7. 7
    Ed says:

    Reflections don’t lie !

    The Chancellor has no Balls.


  8. 8
    UKIP to the max says:

    Going soon?

    The election results in Haverhill (for the District Council) last night tell you how the mood of the British people has hardened, UKIP with 54% coming from nowhere.


    And in a Haverhill Town Council result the same night, the UKIP candidate took 65% of the vote.

    The liblabcon are rightly worried now, when the May 2014 elections results come in there is going to be a sensation, a new political reality washed clean of the old order.



  9. 9
    Common Man says:

    Osbourne practices his his best Prime Ministerial look in the window..


  10. 10
    Tom Tab says:

    “Oh it’s one of those poxy beggars again Alfred”


  11. 11
    Hugh Janus says:

    ‘Morning plebs!


  12. 12
    Steve Miliband says:

    ”It’s not like the Chancellor will be checking up on our cash payment to the builder”


  13. 14
    Steve Miliband says:

    Osborne looks baffled as he thought Barristers were on strike


  14. 15
    coiffure says:

    Osborne see his reflection and is pleased that the cuts are working.


  15. 16
    Ed Balls touched me in my special place says:

    Wanna be like common people?
    Wanna do whatever common people do?
    You’ll never fail like common people
    You’ll never watch your life slide out of view…


  16. 17
    Hugh Janus says:

    Quick, put down that coffee and give him the finger!


  17. 18
    kmc says:

    “My word! Some form of restaurant! Well, one has 5 minutes to spare, I think I’ll pop in and smash it to bits, for old time’s sake!”


  18. 19
    A surprised Osborne says:

    Is that how ordinary people live? I had no idea.


  19. 20
    James K says:

    “I would join you chaps, but I’ve been barred ever since that meeting with the Buller in 1989.”


  20. 21
    Anon says:

    The kebabs look enriching


  21. 22
    Gawd Help Us says:

    Shouldn’t they be at work?


  22. 23
    Poets' Day says:

    She: “wait until we leave: I’ll give him a


  23. 26
    Steve Miliband says:

    Osborne denies there is a Costa living crisis


  24. 27
    Anon says:

    “I wonder if I should increase VAT on coffee”


  25. 29
    WestcountryTim says:

    Hello, is it me you’re looking for?


  26. 30
    Jon says:

    Chancellor struggles with PM’s triple-locked cappuccino allowance for over 65s


  27. 31
    The taxman says:

    If this were a Starbucks he’d be bending over


  28. 32
    An Osborne thought bubble says:

    Why are we giving them free TV licences, winter fuel and bus passes when they sit in a café all day?


  29. 34
    Frigger says:

    Get back to work you lazy old bastards


  30. 35
    LimpDick says:

    dear DWP – real life

    My son was diagnosed with testicular cancer on 28th nov so he couldn’t go for an jobseekers appointment on 4th dec. He rang them and explained why he couldn’t go and they still sanctioned him. He had his op on 12th dec to have cancer removed and a further ct scan on 17th dec revealed the cancer has now spread to his lymph nodes in chest and stomach and both of his lungs so he was immediately admitted to hosp to start intensive chemo. A social worker from click sargeant rang them and explained he would not be signing on because of this and they are still refusing to give him any money. He’s had nothing since around 23rd nov. Apart from a horrible xmas, he has now filled in forms for esa which haven’t even been received yet into their office so he’s still gonna have no money. Can anyone recommend what he does now as we have been on the phone and got nowhere with them, they just aren’t interested. David Cameron has screwed this country over good and proper.


    What we are experiencing is no less than the end of the welfare state in Britain.

    Do not get sick or old. Unless you’re rich obviously.


    • 50
      Andy Burnham, NHS Deathcamp Commandant in Waiting, says:

      I don’t recommend going into hospital. Not an NHS one, anyway.

      Don’t ask me why.


    • 55
      P l e b says:

      Don’t expect any sympathy from the righties on here. They don’t do empathy.

      Regards from me though, as a cancer patient.


      • 62
        Labour's supporters are worthless retarded subhuman filth says:

        Cancer, eh?

        Can’t have been brain cancer, can it.


        • 164
          Psyche the Dog says:

          No,we on the lower rungs, we leave that to the Tory Boys, they have usually consumed too much of their own venom.


      • 188
        broderick crawford says:

        deepest sympathy from me too.

        this is a total outrage .

        if labour had any cojones they would mobilise the streets to get this crazy legislation revised by civil protest so this situation could not occur .

        but do they hell !!


    • 69
      most of us says:

      Fuck the tories – vote UKIP.


    • 83
      Confused.com says:

      Yes, the poor bastard has cancer of the lymph, lunch and testicles but £40 a week over Christmas would have brought a big cheery smile to his face.


    • 90
      Anonymous says:

      If this is genuine and not a wind-up

      Get your MP involved to-day…their contact number will be on their website and some free legal advice(Citizens Advice Bureau is a good start—if the Tories haven’t closed your local office down…if they have go on to their site and get the national contact number and they will put you in touch with nearest office). They are well used to dealing with such matters and the DWP and it’s FREE

      You have to make a bloody fuss….if your son’s not up to it…get him to authorize you to act.


    • 158
      Psyche the Dog says:

      I have every sympathy for your son, it is a bit late now, but when sending anything to DWP send by recorded delivery, at first they will deny that they have received it, it is standard practice, under Liebore and Tory adminstrations is standard practice, then you tell them,” that’s funny I sent it recorded delivery,” miraculously the said documents are imediately found. I think the man in charge should be sued, as he is responsible and in overall charge, after all Andy Burnham has been lambasted on this blog and other places and he was Health secretary under libore


    • 170
      SleeplessInKirkaldy says:

      Sorry to hear what your son is going through. Tough on you too. As others have said – contact your MP and the local press.

      P.s. Tories don’t lack sympathy. The left just have too much applied too often.


    • 171
      Displaced Brummie says:

      Yes. Don’t waste time here. See a solicitor. NOW!!!!!!


    • 198
      Father Preyer says:

      THis is one of the things that MPs are for


    • 210
      Mugatu says:

      There should be a social worker on your son’s unit where he is being treated. They will take care of your son’s benefits needs. If in doubt ask the staff sister for help.

      A letter from his consultant, will put him on benefits, There is no need to sign on, the payment will come throughout the treatment.

      Testicular cancer has a very high success rate around 90%.

      My thoughts are with you and your son, I spent a year on Chemo.


  31. 37
    Wake up & vote UKIP says:

    The ghost of Christmas past.


  32. 37
    Mr O says:

    One day soon, everyone in here will be a Turk


  33. 39
    Hugh Janus says:

    Shit, call the cops, it’s that bloody voyeur again!


  34. 41
    ECB Propaganda flick - pre 2007 says:

    Look dear, it’s the inflation monster.


  35. 42
    A Faded Osborne says:

    They must be so proud to be giving foreign aid to India.


  36. 43
    Anonymous says:

    Smile while you can you’ve king plebs!


  37. 44
    Auntie Flo' says:

    # I’m Starting With the man In the winda’, ooh!
    I’m asking him to change his ways, ooh!
    No message could have been any clearer
    If you wanna make the world a better place
    Take a look at yourself and make a change #

    like…go, George.


  38. 45
    George says:

    What is a Window Licker?


  39. 46
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    “Elsie. Isn’t that Chuck Norris?”


  40. 47
    Rickytshirt says:

    Urgghhh, voters!


  41. 51
    Anonymous says:

    Buddie can you spare a dime?


  42. 52
    Casual Observer 5 says:

    Looks like Garfield has let himself go a bit dear.


  43. 53
    A Bemused George says:

    But my focus group said Gay marriage, foreign aid and green taxes were a vote winner.


    • 57
      George's focus group says:

      We were only taking the piss, mate. Same as when we said HS2 would be really popular, and vital to the economy.

      Fuck me, can’t you tell a joke when you see one?


    • 61
      David Cameron, finger on the pulse of a public opinion corpse says:

      Yes – I just don’t understand why its flat lining.


      • 162
        Psyche the Dog says:

        Dave, just take your fingers out of your ectum exciting your prostate, and just ask ordinary people, not syncophants and those with a financial interest in HS2, <bNOpublic money in HS2


  44. 56
    Hollie says:

    Look through any window, yeah
    What do you see
    Smiling faces all around


  45. 58
    Ian Smith says:

    Universal Credit will be delivered on time and on budget.


  46. 59
    Anonymous says:

    Christ, we only came in for a free warm.


  47. 60
    ho hum says:

    J.K.Rowling has a sudden flash of inspiration for the villain to replace Voldemort in the new Harry Potter book


  48. 63
    Nu Attack Dog says:

    “I see dead people”


  49. 66
    Jimmy says:

    Osborne’s the ghost of Christmas future if soft pricks keep voting for him.


  50. 67
    Billy Bob says:

    Spectre of death stalks OAPs in middle England


  51. 68
    non taxable pikey says:

    Is it Kosher?


  52. 70
    ho hum says:

    I see the window licker’s back again, Dear. Why he can’t use a squeegee like everybody else I’ll never know.


  53. 71
    Senior Civil Servant says:

    Does one buy an egg buttie in places like this, what what?


  54. 72
    Weybridgeman says:

    In trying to imitate the Return of Sherlock Holmes from the dead the Chancellor ends up getting a Glaswegian Kiss from the Prime Minister as thanks for screwing up the economy…..


  55. 72
    George Osborne says:

    Hi Louise


  56. 74
    House of Lords Watch says:

    Away from the caption – economic argument is being made at the moment, they look to be shooting the bill down, but that is not overwhelming.

    The real solution, to be frank, is not the bill but UKIP.


  57. 75
    Tories spamming the electorate says:

    It’s bad enough Shapps sending us e mails about Osborne safeguarding our pensions and asking for our vote but NOW we’ve got Osborne stalking us !!!


  58. 76
    altruism in industry says:

    yesterday when down the caf
    I saw a man having a laugh
    he had a laugh again today
    I wish that man would go away


  59. 82
    Dessert Rat says:

    “If you could see what I can see, when I ‘m cleaning windows.” Apologies to the other George!


  60. 84
    The British media are cunts says:

    Nice to see the BBC still peddling the pro EU line.


  61. 85
    Displaced Brummie says:

    “At least it’s not that Gordon Brown. He used to stand there licking the bloody window!”


  62. 88
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    Keep very still Edith. No sudden movements. And be careful. They hunt in packs.


  63. 91
    Auntie Flo' says:

    Osbourne: It’s the Shining, greedy Boomers! Gimme 10% of your savings now!


  64. 92
    It's the way I tell 'em says:

    Old people terrified of the Grim Reaper’s replacement.


  65. 93
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    Stay calm..Just..Put the sugar packet down, and move slowly away from the table. Emergency services are on the way!


  66. 96
    House of Lords Watch says:

    Just had a Lord confirm in the debate on EU referendum bill that the EU is an anti-democratic soviet institution.

    The quote: To get on in the European Union you need to be seen as being part of the team.

    This was after some gentle roasting of Cameron over his handling of Mitterand – corrected to Hollande, and upsetting Poland.

    These are valid reasons to exit, especially as it is the EU itself which has ruled out renegotiation and/or reform.


    • 102
      Our EU membership fee: 22 billion reasons to vote UKIP says:

      I can think of twenty two billion other valid reasons to exit, and they’ve all got the Queen’s head on.


      • 108
        House of Lords Watch says:


        The debate is covering some good ground though and the aspect of economics has been discussed.

        Much talk about the Single Market – which of course is different to the EU and what the UK decided to join, but the best figures they can come up with is that the common market aspect adds 2.6% to UK Sovereign.

        They seem to be talking about modelling future UK outside of EU on Canada.

        Does this suggest that they wish to decriminalize prostitution and p’edophilia as is happening in that country at present ? That is not a good future or model to follow.

        The future model for the UK should be much more along the lines of the US which is a proper country, however not with a United States of Europe in its current form.


        • 110
          House of Lords Watch says:

          Sorry – adds 2.6% to UK Economy.

          It is being claimed that the reclaiming of UK sovereignty by exiting is not accurate. That I think does not really stand up to real scrutiny.

          They have been given only one day to debate this, and have been asked not to make amendments. This is not treating the issue seriously.

          UKIP seems to be the only democratic option…


  67. 97
    Peter Grimes says:

    You would think they would have an Eastern European to lick their windows, not the Chancellor!

    On second thoughts….


  68. 98
    Geoffrey Brooking says:

    He’s got held up amongst all the Romanians having a gamble on Westminster Bridge.


  69. 99
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    When I asked Cameron if he knew of any places to get something “Steaming – hot – wet – and black” I was hoping for something different.


  70. 100
    One of the perks of a tour of duty in drug country says:

    A serving British soldier has been charged with trying to smuggle 11lb (5kg) of cocaine through Heathrow Airport.

    Private Daryl Archer, 26, based at the Colchester barracks in Essex, was arrested at Terminal One after arriving back from Brazil.

    The soldier, who is with 13 Air Assault Support Regiment Royal Logistic Corps, was arrested on Wednesday.

    He is due to appear at Isleworth Court in Greater London later this month.

    He faces a single charge of attempting to import the class A drug into the country. He has been remanded in custody.

    The case will be heard on 23 January.


  71. 103
    Labour-ious says:

    George Osbourne – I am glad to see you agree that we’re better out than in.


  72. 104
    windows 98 says:

    Blimey! That window advert for “Private Roumanian corrective lessons – ask upstairs” was snapped up quickly.


  73. 105
    phildo says:

    Mother and Father sat stony faced as young George was packed off for prep school


    • 182
      Nworb Nodrog says:

      That’s not a mother and father – it’s my sister and that’s not her husband!
      PLEASE don’t tell him.


  74. 106
    Supreme Commander George says:

    In you I put all my faith and trust
    Right before my eyes my world has turned to dust


  75. 107
    Harry Krishna says:

    You can also get stained glass window images of Tony Blair seen in churches


  76. 109
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    “on reflection…I think I’ll vote UKIP next time Doris.”


  77. 111
    Viviane Reding says:

    Please stop this caption competition immediately. You can’t allow members of the public to make their own jokes or choose what to laugh at. This is very dangerous. We have the only proper jokes you need at the European Commission. For example:
    I hope when my time comes I die quietly in my sleep like my grandfather.
    He was 88 and died in bed from a respiratory complaint.


  78. 113
    I should coke-oh says:

    We at the Beeb enjoy something close to diplomatic immunity when we bring a bit of leftover whizz back after a ‘foreign assignment’.


  79. 114
    verticalwater says:

    This can’t be the Commons coffee bar, their all paying at some sort of cash machine!


  80. 116
    where's a police man when you need one. says:

    Fuck I’m lost!


  81. 117
    House of Lords Watch says:

    It would appear an argument against Europe exit being made now is that the UK has been signed up to significant obligations towards the pensions of European Civil servants.

    That’s a new one.


  82. 119
    Nick Clegg says:

    How much is that pussy in the window?
    The one who gets wagged by the tail.


  83. 120
    DP says:

    Pane in the arse


  84. 122
    EC1 PhD says:

    Gerald, dear, it’s a bit early for the ghost of Christmas Past


  85. 123
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Gideon rather regrets looking after another of Boris offspring.


  86. 124

    Who you lookin at ya prick ?


  87. 125
    Anonymous says:

    Malice through the Looking Glass.


  88. 127
    Steve Miliband says:

    Costa living crisis


  89. 128

    Amongst the riff-raff at the Chiff Chaff to forestall Wiff Waff.


  90. 129
    Well Ada says:

    Don’t worry love, it’s just one of those political dummies.


  91. 130
    First they ignore UKIP, then they laugh at UKIP, then they fight UKIP, then UKIP win says:

    The ghost of Christmas past…


  92. 132
    Pay Day says:

    Chancellor considers loan from Wonga.com


  93. 134
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Quick. Drink your tea before he finds a way to tax it!


  94. 135

    It runs the lotion on its skin!


  95. 136

    I wish I was standing in Amsterdam looking in the windows


  96. 138

    My fav table, someone is sitting at it, time to hike up hot food charges


  97. 139

    I think I will challenge the old woman to a fight, I could take her no problem


  98. 140

    Bugger, you have to wear glasses to get served here


  99. 141

    I want to borrow that large kitchen knife


  100. 142

    speed dating, well I am here I will give it a go!


  101. 150

    I hate happy people, back to the office to spread misery


  102. 151

    Where is my waitress with the big tits today?


  103. 153
    filipinomonkey says:

    During a visit to the museum, George is fascinated by the “these are real people” exhibit.


  104. 154

    No one knows me here, they don’t have any money


  105. 155
    Woy Jenkins says:

    Woman in glasses: ‘Ron, I think some fucker’s put acid in my tea again.’


  106. 156

    Benefit street isn’t that bad, they have got cafe culture


  107. 157

    It’s 15 feet to the counter, there is a 3 sec delay in staff turning round, I am going to blag a doughnut


  108. 160
    Ozzie4Hire says:

    Marjory : Well KFC have certainly gentrified this restaurant and the coffee is great

    Dennis : Yes, I think they’ve gone a bit too far implementing the “Window Licking Good” slogan though.


  109. 161
    Anonymous says:

    Is he looking through the window wondering if Guido might be in there enjoying a cuppa rather than mysteriously having nothing to say about the fact that the PC at the centre of Plebgate has just admitted to making the whole thing up, leading to the career destruction of a politician, in one of the largest recent scandals? Nothing to say at all, Guido?

    But then, wasn’t it The Sun that said they “vigorously stand by” the story, and doesn’t Guido write for The Sun? No connection, of course…


  110. 165
    Anonymous says:

    Look a see through twat


  111. 167
    Ian says:

    What to have for lunch? Hmmmmmmm, bacon sarnie with the plebs or kebab with the immigrants over the road…….


  112. 169
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Osborne: I’m sure that woman at the back of the cafe is the one I scored some of that kinky legal high from a few years ago wonder if she’s still up for it?


  113. 172

    Looks too smart for a Bulgarian beggar.


  114. 173
    Jimmy says:

    So that’s what poor people look like is it?


  115. 174
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Yesterday, upon the stair,
    I met a man who wasn’t there.
    He wasn’t there again today,
    I wish, I wish he’d go away…


  116. 176
    Dr. Mephestos says:

    “Is this the fabled Benefit Street?”


  117. 177
    Sim says:

    Through a Glass Darkly


  118. 178
    pootle says:

    Osbourne thought he was on a trip to Monkey World until he was reminded that those ‘people’, were his voters.


  119. 179
    sunderland is a Labour ghetto thats why its shyte says:

    Look thru any window what do you see,smiling faces all around just because its me…………………….With apologies to the Hollies


  120. 180
    Anonymous says:

    “Is that Dr Who outside dear?”
    “No, it’s just George Osbourne.”


    • 183
      Surely Williams says:

      “Is that Dr Who outside dear?”
      “No, it’s just George Osbourne.”
      ‘No, Osborne.’
      ‘Is he the new Dr Who?’
      ‘No, he’s the Chancellor.’
      ‘Who, Dr Who?’


  121. 186
    bs says:

    Keep an eye on him, he looks like he’s going to eat that baby.


  122. 187
  123. 189
    I. Snortcoke-Offahore says:

    Are those sausage rolls warm?


  124. 190
    No escape says:

    It has got awfully cold all of a sudden and the window is beginning to ice up, dear.


  125. 191

    George Davies is Innocent

    George Laird is Guilty


  126. 192
    Willer says:

    Electorate starting to see through the chancellor to wonder where their next kebab will come from.


  127. 193
    Triple Lock Nimby says:

    Lattes all round.


  128. 194
    Ozzie4Hire says:

    Hello….peasants!! Do you sell something called a pasties in here?


  129. 196
    Father Preyer says:

    Oi Vince ….fancy a pint?


  130. 197
    I Love Gay Marriage says:

    “Keep an eye on your handbag Vera, he’s coming in…….”


  131. 200
    Gary Bloke says:

    Man traipses streets seeking work in anticipation of receiving P45 in May, 2015.


  132. 201
    Bedford Council says:

    Bedford council apologises for allowing one of the children to get off the special bus without adult supervision.


  133. 203
    Bad Ilimend says:

    Is this what a food bank looks like?


  134. 205
    bloke says:

    We are considerably richer than yow. And always will be.


  135. 206
    Father Preyer says:

    Let let see…..is there anything in there I haven’t taxed yet ……………..no ….cant see anything


  136. 207
    Father Preyer says:

    “Spare us a billion pound for a cup of deficit guv”


  137. 209
    The Ghost of Christman Past looks to the furture says:

    Germany returns to the DM, Ex Chancellor Osborne the first to trip down five mark alley


  138. 211
    Tom Catesby. says:

    So it is true dear, this cafe is haunted by a demonic spirit.


  139. 213
    Ben Dover 'Resistance is Futile' says:

    Gideon loves a greasy spoon


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