January 8th, 2014

£500 Training for MPs Expenses System, on Expenses

IPSA is so complicated that it requires expensive training just to work out how to use it. ‘MP staff secretaries, office managers and assistants’ are being sent on a course to work out how the hell to work the expenses system at a cost of nearly £500 per head. The training programme teaches staffers how to ‘create spreadsheet records easily transferable for use within the IPSA system.’ And who is picking up the £455 plus VAT bill?

“Please note that all fees associated with attending these training courses, can be reclaimed under IPSA, as they fall under their classification of staff training.”



  1. 1
    Mr Potato Head says:


  2. 2
    Lord Gaga says:

    There are plenty of cloud based ways of doing this – like globalexpense.com. YOu put in your claim online, say what you are claiming, which account you want credited and post off the receipts in a prepaid envelope. The system is easy to set up, easy to audit, easy to show full legal compliance, and inexpensive. It seems the IPSA is deliberately setting up to fail.

  3. 3
    Mr Potato Head says:

    If this is the best the state can do to run its own affairs how can it be expected to run the country competently?

  4. 4
  5. 5
    Dimmy Dave's doubled the debt and flooded the UK with immigrants says:

    I don’t expect it to run the country competently. I expect it to make a complete Horlicks of everything it does.. and I’m not disappointed.

  6. 6

    There is the also the matter of training on how to receive training. That can be charged though IPSA too.

    There is the also the matter of…

  7. 7
    Continental Breaks says:

    It’s never ending isn’t it. They are getting as bad as their head office over in Brussels.

  8. 8
    Richard says:

    Cut MPs expenses – only reimburse to 50% of the listed value, in line with other government cuts to “non-essential” funding to science, legal aid, etc.

  9. 9

    There is the also the matter of how to make Horlicks.
    That requires training…

  10. 10
    The Civil Service says:

    Our modus operandi is to piss taxpayers’ money up the wall with gay abandon.

  11. 11
    Little English People says:

    Utter, contemptible bastards.

  12. 12

    Clearly the minimum wage should be set at twice the value of the highest wage. I read that in a book by an historian of Scottish trades unions once.

  13. 13
    Dimmy Dave's doubled the debt and flooded the UK with immigrants says:

    Surely one could simply follow the instructions on the tin?

  14. 14
    Mr Potato Head says:

    “Voters ‘should be required to show photo ID at elections’, says watchdog.”

    Good luck with the burkha brigade.

    And this ignores the real problem, that of postal voting. It is like Dave saying he can control immigration when everyone from 90% of European countries can come and live here.

  15. 15
    post jungle bells says:

    What’s wrong with the way us plebs are allowed company expenses via HMRC, if it forced on 100s of thousands then why not the political trash in the house of thieves, getting close to voting time, the house of thieves have shown where their heart lies another 11% while people scrimp to pay electricity bills, they will then wonder why the country doesn’t want to vote for them.

  16. 16

    Has anyone else noticed how Jo Swinson has the same manic stare as Simon Hughes?

  17. 17
    albacore says:

    Come along, now – what else would you expect?
    The bodgers’ helpers must never neglect
    All and every opportunity
    To milk the system with impunity

  18. 18

    Not if one is an MP.

  19. 19
    Nadhim Zahawi says:

    How do I go about claiming the £5000 to heat my horse stables?

  20. 20
    Morgan's Organ says:

    Er… why charge anything in the first place if it only adds to the cost of processing claims? JUST ABSORB IT AS A CENTRALISED COST (if you really must waste money this way) THICKHEADS

  21. 21
    an awkward bastard says:

    This would make a nice question at PMQs

  22. 22
    DAVE (not long left) CAMERON says:

    I assume the training programme was designed by mp’s and made so complicated that nobody can use it

  23. 23
    Tom Catesby. says:

    One could simply go to the fees office, with a clear list of one’s allowable expenses supported by verifiable receipts!

  24. 24
    Trainer says:

    We can’t claim. So I’m not going on the course to train trainers trainer’s.

  25. 25
    Ah! Monika says:

    Her baby.

  26. 26
    Voter. says:

    Who’s ‘Gay Abandon’ MP for?

  27. 27
    v67butyur says:

    Can I claim for learning how to fill out my tax returns?

  28. 28
    Jacqui, Hazel, Dennis, Hanningfield, Taylor et al says:

    Will this show us how to claim retrospectively ?

  29. 29
    Empty Head Watch says:

    Is it like a 1000 yard stare ?

    If yes, it is probably because they are complete fuckwits.

  30. 30
    Voter. says:

    Can also come and vote here as our electoral ‘registration system’ is a bloody free for all.

  31. 31
    Too Far says:

    “Sending MP’s on a training program? FFS are they so thick they can’t understand written instructions.
    No wonder the country is in shit order, The whole of the HOC is a the palace of incompetance….God help us!

  32. 32
    Richard says:

    It’s incongruous that MPs vote themselves an 11% pay rise at the same time as imposing a 30% pay cut on barristers who work defending the public. I suspect the average barrister does more to help our society on any given day than the average MP. Certainly the MPs haven’t delivered 11% more value in this Parliament. Perhaps their pay should be linked to performance, e.g. raising GDP whilst reducing unemployment and wealth inequality. The default hypothesis should be that all MPs are criminal scrounging bastards who are to be lined up and shot – the onus then being on them to demonstrate otherwise. Self-serving expenses claims don’t help their case.

  33. 33
    Voter. says:

    Just claim it, probably won’t be any hurdles to jump.

  34. 34
    just saying says:

    Romanian immigrant Victor Spirescu, so warmly
    greeted by Keith Vaz,is a crook.

  35. 35
    IPSA Light says:

    There should be an annual cap on MPS expenses and as an incentivisation, the 10 MPs with the lowest expenses for the year should receive a bonus equivalent to 100% of their salary.

  36. 36
    Too Far says:

    Ho! suddenly “twiged” it’s a paid for jolly, nice expensive meal, fine wine…maybe not so thick, just theiving arseholes

  37. 37
    post jungle bells says:

    Pigs seen flying over the house of thieves, postal votes work well for the LibLabCon artists so it will never be stopped, the peoples cause to slow down immigration is lost and it suits the corrupt to have open doors, until the braindead realise that the low level job they have will be taken by an immigrant and they don’t have enough money for ciggies or booze then nothing will change

  38. 38
    anonymous says:


  39. 39
    It takes one to know one says:

    Are sure you are not confusing Victor with Keith Vaz ?

  40. 40
    Chris Huhne says:

    Manic stares are compulsory for Liberal MPs.

  41. 41
    anonymous says:

  42. 42

    Will each of these expense claims be published on line for everyone to see?

    Don’t bother to answer.

    The LibLabConners are all fucking lying thieves, led by that bastard Camoron.

  43. 43
    HackWatch says:

    This course (or a version of it) has been running for ages….However, I know that one batch of assistants that went on it found it so basic that a complaint went in. The material on the course apparently had nothing to do with the computer software used to submit expenses claims.

    I believe a refund was called for, but a free alternative course was offered instead….

  44. 44
    well says:

    Brown, Balls and Miliband ran our economy without knowing anything about economics.

  45. 45
    Keith Vaz says:

    And I bought him that coffee with money from my own pocket!

    *pulls big gurney face*

  46. 46
    Mitch says:

    Interesting idea, Debbie. Should teachers be made to take exams every spring, and run round the fields for an hour each week?

  47. 47
    post jungle bells says:

    Why?, they get paid extremely well for a non job, why should these overpaid people get more money for doing something that’s part of their job, the rest of the country has a workable system , make them use the same system or do they think the troughing is a perk of their job.

  48. 48
    A law unto their own says:

    Wonder why the Yankees are flying low at night carrying live weapons. Drill weapons not adequate then?

  49. 49
    The victor takes all says:

    If given a choice I know which one I would deport.

  50. 50
    Taxpayer says:

    Alternatively, God forbid, they could just go to HMRC’s website to check what is permissable like the rest of us. But then they have different rules than those of us who fund these cretins.

  51. 51
    String the fuckers up ! says:

    Only economics ?

    None of them have ever held down a proper job !

  52. 52
    Dummy Dave the Cowardly Knave says:

    Good example of where public sector fails and private sector wins.

    There are not many companies still in business which have not solved this problem more efficiently.

    The trick for efficient and honest expenses claim systems is to get rid of staff early who abuse the system or are criminal. In this case that means getting rid of and prosecuting the corrupt MPs who are essentially not honorable members but are in the job with criminal intent.

    Some training for their support staff is welcome but the content of that training is hardly likely to significantly increase their skills base in this case and does not address the root problem that a lot of MPs are intentionally breaking the law.

    Another spin fail from a failed Prime Minister, and another waste of public money and time on a retrograde idea.

  53. 53
    Morgan's Organ says:

    Its a salutory lesson that the fraud, greed and exploitation of the old system was a cheaper option than the OTT bureacratic bells and whistles system we have now!

  54. 54
    Britain is now defenceless thanks to the banksters says:

    Maybe be it was brought down by a Russian missile fired from a ship in the Channel ?

  55. 55
    Who'd Have Thought It says:

    Stick a letter I in your acronym and you can fool all of the people most of the time!

    Should be PBPTUS Piggies Back Pocket Top Up System

  56. 56
    Dummy Dave the Cowardly Knave says:

    It has come full circle.

    This is how The Peoples Voice has apparently been running it’s finances. Difference is they are likely to go bust in a few months and are run by a guy who believes in lizard people.

    Why does this smell like more money for Common Purpose ?

  57. 57
    Screwed Taxpayer says:

    Benefits Street – House of Hunts style

    Can we have a Channel 4 programme next week exposing the theiving c’unts exploitation of expenses via IPSA?

  58. 58
    i think says:

    Every time Miliband pretends to get tough on immigration, we’ll have
    that photo to remind the country of Labour’s real attitude to immigrants.

  59. 59

    What? Has it developed bi-sexual tendencies already?

    It must be taught to lie. Quickly.

  60. 60
    money for old rope says:

    Who runs the training scheme?

  61. 61
    Intellectual Pygmy says:

    It seems that the Electoral Commission is worried about certain Asian communities being “vulnerable” to election fraud.

    I thought that small children could be vulnerable to things like, for instance Asian sex gangs. Commuters traveling on packed trains could be vulnerable to terrorist attackers.

    I didn’t realise that criminals could be vulnerable to committing crimes. Unless of course it is just a tiny minority who are committing these crimes, and therefore we must be absolutely certain we do not unnecessarily upset anybody. Let alone tell them to wind their neck in, sort their communities out and start behaving as if they are living somewhere much nicer and richer, that they chose to come to.

  62. 62
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Debbie Abrahams proven labour liar.

  63. 63
    Dimmy Dave the Cowardly Knave says:

    And electoral commissions latest plan to reduce voting fraud the other day:

    Bring photo Id to voting booth.

    Will not stop voting fraud and may strip vote from anyone who does not have a passport or drivers license with photo.

    Fucking retards.

    A polling card is issued. That system and simple checking using common sense of all the Bongo Bongo land votes fr Labour is the simple solution.

    On the plus side, denying the vote in this way denies access to the ballot box. That helps narrow the options nicely.

  64. 64
    Remember Falkirk says:

    They need to also urgently sort out postal voting fraud.

  65. 65
    the volunteer says:

    It is not very difficult to understand.
    This is personal expenditure and this is for my work.
    where the criminal personality is is in thinking that you can get away with a debatable receipt whereas you know it is for your benefit and not the people you represent.

  66. 66
    anonymous says:


  67. 67
    Psyche the Dog says:

    ‘ “Please note that all fees associated with attending these training courses, can be reclaimed under IPSA, as they fall under their classification of staff training.”


    Well who pays IPSA, why of course the tax payer! Do you think they are trying to pull someone’s plonker. What is it so hard about setting out the levels of MPs salaries and expenses, expenses should be for costs incurred in the course of their work, those things such as moat cleaning duck houses etc etc are NOT in the course of their work. Various addons like chairman of committees are standard or should be the trouble comes when, like a lot of government dictats, they have get out clauses and nebulous wording in the rules, that is why MPs slip the non expenses expense through, UK law is riddled with get out clauses that is why lawyers do very nicely and expensively.
    Looks like it is going to be handbags at dawn, benefits system delay and costs rising because Maudie’s cabinet office have withdrawn their “IT consultants, someone is “sabotaging” IDS’s flagship on cost, ready to go Universal Benefits system.


  68. 68
    Dimmy Dave the Cowardly Knave says:

    Or thieving J’ew and ethnic MP personal gain slush fund.

    It is perhaps worth highliting that there is a distinct ethnic twist to this and for sure not all the MPs are bent.

  69. 69
    Pat talks sense says:

  70. 70
    Ma­qbo­ul says:

    Training consultants – a nice little earner.

  71. 71
    Lib & Lab says:

    We are against any such idea.

  72. 72
    The LOLs continue says:

    Ha ha! I think the fallout from her “I want all C4 producers dead” tweet has gotten to poor Labour activist Jasmin Beckett. Her twitter page now reads:

    @JasminAmelia’s tweets are protected.

    Only confirmed followers have access to @JasminAmelia’s Tweets and complete profile.

  73. 73
    Mr Potato Head says:

    If the job of an MP was only open to immigrants then they would soon find a way to stop it, i.e. immigration.

  74. 74
    Ma­qbo­ul says:

    I do hope “andy spreadbury” isn’t a teacher because he is clueless in the use of the apostrophe.

  75. 75
    Mr Potato Head says:

    Make sure you claim for the bolt on the door.

  76. 76
    Bingo! says:

    Pay the MP’s more! Say £250,000 p.a. and make them pay for all expenses out of this without exception. Do away with all subsidies and centralise their secretarial

  77. 77
    Norman Baker MP says:

    It was clearly shot down by the UFO it was sent to investigate.

  78. 78
    Ma­qbo­ul says:

    She claims to be “working hard for Oldham East & Saddleworth” but seems to be spending her time stirring up envy on Twitter among her would-be voters.

  79. 79
    Casual Observer 5 says:

    Taking down helicopters usually is done on the ground. Maybe infiltrated by German inelligence ? It is a hallmark of theirs.

    Second high profile chopper crash in a short space of time. That and more UK contracts being cancelled is perhaps more than coincidental.

    If it was taken down by the Russ!ans they are more than capable. Unlike useless Cameron who perhaps needs help with the bathplug.

  80. 80
    verticalwater says:

    That will only drive them to ‘Mug’ people in the street.

    Ho, sorry, they already do that!

  81. 81
    Intellectual Pygmy says:

    Vote Often! Vote Labour! One Nation under Islam!

  82. 82
    Twitter is for Twats says:

    Only confirmed knob-heads use Twitter.

  83. 83
    Mr Potato Head says:

    Barristers are overpaid shysters. GPs are overpaid as well. And the taxpayer’s cost of living is too high as a result.

  84. 84
    Ma­qbo­ul says:

    It was @JosefStalin’s birthday a few weeks back. Happy Birthday Jo, I know you made a few mistakes, but you meant well.


  85. 85
    Handycock whipping it out says:

    I used to pay my wife £20,000 a year as an occasional case worker, although she never did any case work, has no education and cannot spell, just like me. I had to stop it when some bad people in Portsmouth exposed me for it on their website. Of course nothing happened to me about it, I wonder why? Boaz..


  86. 86
    Mr Potato Head says:

    Nice one!

  87. 87

    What about a training course to learn how to post on order-order.com?

    That would probably be too taxing for many MPs…

  88. 88
    Casual Observer 5 says:

    But will she be prosecuted or protected because she is Labour and has done a month working with Mersey police.

    Protecting tweets is no defence. People would have made copies and hopefully filed some police complaints.

    Couple were sent down yesterday for tweeting at some Brazilian feminist who is causing trouble here and they did not express a death threat. This Labour activist perhaps should get 6 months or so unless of course the prosecution of the others is wholly politically motivated.

    The Brazilian agitprop – Perez – perhaps should return home.

  89. 89
    Twitter is for Twats says:

    Maybe he teaches PE.

    “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t teach, teach gym.” – Woody Allen.

  90. 90
    anon says:

    …..There were helicopters low flying ,or at least flying around ,last night, in cornwall!

  91. 91
    Mr Potato Head says:

    The only way to stop voting fraud is to do what they do in some other third world countries and put paint on say an index finger that disappears after 24 hours or so. And postal voting should be a no-no. If people can’t be arsed to go 200 hundred yards to vote then their vote should not be counted. Hospitals could have voting booths.

  92. 92
    the volunteer says:

    I worked with a guy for 30 years who was in the Hitler youth, a more ameniable, bright, informative, hard working person you would never meet. When I think about what Germany has, their potential, and compare to our little island and what we have done with it in the last 60 years I get very depressed.

  93. 93
    Ma­qbo­ul says:

    English lawyers are the most expensive on the planet. Not only that but if you go to court you must employ two: a solicitor and a barrister. Of course, most people can’t afford this so the lawyers get the taxpayer to fund their extravagant fees. The government is tightening the noose on this scam but you can be sure that barristers will not be taking a 30% pay cut, they will simply find another source to fund their lavish lifestyles.

    You will have noticed the irritating ambulance chasers which are plaguing email inboxes and the advertising on daytime TV. Coincidence?

  94. 94
    Ed Balls says:

    Ed Balls

  95. 95
    Intellectual Pygmy says:

    This is how it starts. They let the mask slip and demand death for disagreeing with them. People fail to take them seriously because they are young and exuberant. Next they hold closed meetings with like minded individuals, the plotting and the hatred really sets in at this point, with nobody to hold them to account. One day they have real power and people start disappearing.

    It’s a dangerous path well trodden by the left.

  96. 96
    Ma­qbo­ul says:

    The Pope Emiritus was in the Hitler Youth, of course. They didn’t have a choice. Or so every man jack of them claimed after they had lost the war.

  97. 97
    Warren Peace says:

    Sometimes I wish Pat would stop faffing about, and tell us what he really thinks. By the way, the other radical he mentions is about to make an appearance on Sky news.

  98. 98
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    In an increasing number of constituencies immigrants (1st & 2nd generation) are the only candidates you can vote for.

  99. 99
    Ma­qbo­ul says:

    Maybe he’s a grey haired, south coast pervert MP ?

  100. 100
    Mr Potato Head says:

    “In a move which close observers of German politics are hailing as a radical shift towards British style euroscepticism, the new secretary general of the Christian Social Union, (CSU), a long-time key ally in government and opposition of Chancellor Angela Merkel’s Christian Democrats, has come out with a scathing attack on the leadership of the European Union in Brussels.

    Using highly charged language, he simultaneously criticised large-scale immigration of unskilled labourers to Germany.”

  101. 101
    Alan Rusbriger says:

    Psyche old chap, we are still not gettting any additional hits on our website. What the fuck are we paying you for other than to plug the wonderful merits of the The Guardian on Gu­ido’s site in the hope of poaching some of the thousands of his punters?

    We’re not going to achieve anything unless you stop posting second hand drivel like this and up your game.

    May I remind you that your zero hour contract is up for renewal at the end of this month. Just saying like.

  102. 102
    Anonymous says:

    She is working hard and she gets awards for it too.
    Or perhaps that’s for voting to conceal halal meat in the British food chain?

  103. 103
    the volunteer says:

    It is not difficult to see how right minded people would think that the European Union was a good idea after such a conflict but the problem is with the intellectual capacity of the various nations’ representatives. if the Union was between England and Germany and maybe the Scandinavian states then there would be no difficulties.

  104. 104
    Intellectual Pygmy says:

    Christmas Eve 2003 I was sat in my German hotel very bored so decided to find a bar and have a few beers to see in Christmas day. I accidentally found a nationalist bar and unknowingly went in for a pint. After a pint or two sat quietly on my own at the bar, the bar tender told me in English that the locals were upset and I was going to be beaten when I left! Not to worry though, seeing as it is Christmas I will sort it out he said. That was kind of him I thought! After five minutes or so a very old gentleman walks over and the bar tender introduces him as a Wehrmacht veteran who would like me to share a Christmas drink with him.

    I spent half hour sat with him. He spoke no English and I spoke no German at the time, but he was the real deal and his offer of hospitality made me untouchable as far as the young Nazi bastards in the bar were concerned.

    Germany can be a great place to live, but it is not without it’s problems and it is dangerous to judge it from a narrow perspective.

  105. 105
    Old Codger says:

    And I’m going on a course to learn how to claim it back.

  106. 106
    TK MAX says:

    That’s because Christmas leave has finished at Culdrose.

  107. 107
    the volunteer says:

    yes there is a strong masculine theme present amongst the German

  108. 108
    Mustapha Djinn says:

    “how to create Spreadsheets” Is this creative accounting? If so no MP needs a course in it, its in the DNA.

  109. 109
    D$ says:

    i was using a simple online websystem well over a decade ago to submit expense receipts.

    And the house of commons is currently asking people to fill in excel templets which are then “uploaded” to a secondary

    No wonder this country seems to be run by imbeciles, thats because it is !

    You could probably get a graduate with a basic html/javascript knowledge to knock up a html based expense submissions system….

  110. 110
    Harry Krishna says:

    Can Guido produce a list of the idiots so the public can avoid voting for them?

  111. 111
    Obfuscator says:

    Very gay in the Home Office

  112. 112
    Spartacus says:

    easy – follow HMRC rules – provide receipts for everything and justify the lot.

    household items and house repairs are at your own cost; business lunches and similar not to exceed and so on.

    its all in the rules (for the rest of us)

    (oh, and be prepared to be audited by an HMRC representative called scrooge)

  113. 113
    Jack Ketch says:

    Have a look at the Labour party shadow cabinet and departmental spokespeople. How many of English, protestant descent?

  114. 114
    Jack Ketch says:

    Call it your constituency office. Undoubtedly it will be full of horseshit any way.

  115. 115
    Fink bout tit, yeah? says:

    Why can’t people see that this is not incompetance? Someone in IPSA will have a brother/uncle/girlfriend/gay lover that has a training consultancy (set up last week) and after all the MPs have had their training on fiddling their accounts, they will pay the consultancy fee of 500 sovs. The scumbag from IPSA repays the MPs from taxpayers wallets and then waits for his piece of the action from his brother/uncle/girlfriend/gay lover in the form of a brown envelope.

    Luvly jubbly!

  116. 116
    Fink bout tit, yeah? says:

    How on Earth can you justify paying these bastards a penny more, let alone a quarter of a million quid?

  117. 117
    Fink bout tit, yeah? says:

    Would you like to see some kittens, little girl? – Woody Allen

  118. 118
    Anonymous says:

    Because it’s like the benefits system, we pay them not to rob us.

  119. 119

    Teaching the troughers how to trough, innit!

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