January 8th, 2014

£500 Training for MPs Expenses System, on Expenses

IPSA is so complicated that it requires expensive training just to work out how to use it. ‘MP staff secretaries, office managers and assistants’ are being sent on a course to work out how the hell to work the expenses system at a cost of nearly £500 per head. The training programme teaches staffers how to ‘create spreadsheet records easily transferable for use within the IPSA system.’ And who is picking up the £455 plus VAT bill?

“Please note that all fees associated with attending these training courses, can be reclaimed under IPSA, as they fall under their classification of staff training.”



  1. 1
    Mr Potato Head says:



    • 3
      Mr Potato Head says:

      If this is the best the state can do to run its own affairs how can it be expected to run the country competently?


      • 5
        Dimmy Dave's doubled the debt and flooded the UK with immigrants says:

        I don’t expect it to run the country competently. I expect it to make a complete Horlicks of everything it does.. and I’m not disappointed.


        • 9

          There is the also the matter of how to make Horlicks.
          That requires training…


          • Dimmy Dave's doubled the debt and flooded the UK with immigrants says:

            Surely one could simply follow the instructions on the tin?


          • Not if one is an MP.


          • Morgan's Organ says:

            Er… why charge anything in the first place if it only adds to the cost of processing claims? JUST ABSORB IT AS A CENTRALISED COST (if you really must waste money this way) THICKHEADS


          • v67butyur says:

            Can I claim for learning how to fill out my tax returns?


          • Psyche the Dog says:

            ‘ “Please note that all fees associated with attending these training courses, can be reclaimed under IPSA, as they fall under their classification of staff training.”


            Well who pays IPSA, why of course the tax payer! Do you think they are trying to pull someone’s plonker. What is it so hard about setting out the levels of MPs salaries and expenses, expenses should be for costs incurred in the course of their work, those things such as moat cleaning duck houses etc etc are NOT in the course of their work. Various addons like chairman of committees are standard or should be the trouble comes when, like a lot of government dictats, they have get out clauses and nebulous wording in the rules, that is why MPs slip the non expenses expense through, UK law is riddled with get out clauses that is why lawyers do very nicely and expensively.
            Looks like it is going to be handbags at dawn, benefits system delay and costs rising because Maudie’s cabinet office have withdrawn their “IT consultants, someone is “sabotaging” IDS’s flagship on cost, ready to go Universal Benefits system.



          • Alan Rusbriger says:

            Psyche old chap, we are still not gettting any additional hits on our website. What the fuck are we paying you for other than to plug the wonderful merits of the The Guardian on Gu­ido’s site in the hope of poaching some of the thousands of his punters?

            We’re not going to achieve anything unless you stop posting second hand drivel like this and up your game.

            May I remind you that your zero hour contract is up for renewal at the end of this month. Just saying like.


      • 6

        There is the also the matter of training on how to receive training. That can be charged though IPSA too.

        There is the also the matter of…


    • 4
    • 53
      Morgan's Organ says:

      Its a salutory lesson that the fraud, greed and exploitation of the old system was a cheaper option than the OTT bureacratic bells and whistles system we have now!


    • 56
      Dummy Dave the Cowardly Knave says:

      It has come full circle.

      This is how The Peoples Voice has apparently been running it’s finances. Difference is they are likely to go bust in a few months and are run by a guy who believes in lizard people.

      Why does this smell like more money for Common Purpose ?


    • 108
      Mustapha Djinn says:

      “how to create Spreadsheets” Is this creative accounting? If so no MP needs a course in it, its in the DNA.


  2. 2
    Lord Gaga says:

    There are plenty of cloud based ways of doing this – like globalexpense.com. YOu put in your claim online, say what you are claiming, which account you want credited and post off the receipts in a prepaid envelope. The system is easy to set up, easy to audit, easy to show full legal compliance, and inexpensive. It seems the IPSA is deliberately setting up to fail.


    • 10
      The Civil Service says:

      Our modus operandi is to piss taxpayers’ money up the wall with gay abandon.


    • 115
      Fink bout tit, yeah? says:

      Why can’t people see that this is not incompetance? Someone in IPSA will have a brother/uncle/girlfriend/gay lover that has a training consultancy (set up last week) and after all the MPs have had their training on fiddling their accounts, they will pay the consultancy fee of 500 sovs. The scumbag from IPSA repays the MPs from taxpayers wallets and then waits for his piece of the action from his brother/uncle/girlfriend/gay lover in the form of a brown envelope.

      Luvly jubbly!


  3. 7
    Continental Breaks says:

    It’s never ending isn’t it. They are getting as bad as their head office over in Brussels.


  4. 8
    Richard says:

    Cut MPs expenses – only reimburse to 50% of the listed value, in line with other government cuts to “non-essential” funding to science, legal aid, etc.


    • 76
      Bingo! says:

      Pay the MP’s more! Say £250,000 p.a. and make them pay for all expenses out of this without exception. Do away with all subsidies and centralise their secretarial


  5. 11
    Little English People says:

    Utter, contemptible bastards.


  6. 12

    Clearly the minimum wage should be set at twice the value of the highest wage. I read that in a book by an historian of Scottish trades unions once.


  7. 14
    Mr Potato Head says:

    “Voters ‘should be required to show photo ID at elections’, says watchdog.”

    Good luck with the burkha brigade.

    And this ignores the real problem, that of postal voting. It is like Dave saying he can control immigration when everyone from 90% of European countries can come and live here.


    • 30
      Voter. says:

      Can also come and vote here as our electoral ‘registration system’ is a bloody free for all.


    • 37
      post jungle bells says:

      Pigs seen flying over the house of thieves, postal votes work well for the LibLabCon artists so it will never be stopped, the peoples cause to slow down immigration is lost and it suits the corrupt to have open doors, until the braindead realise that the low level job they have will be taken by an immigrant and they don’t have enough money for ciggies or booze then nothing will change


      • 73
        Mr Potato Head says:

        If the job of an MP was only open to immigrants then they would soon find a way to stop it, i.e. immigration.


        • 98
          Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

          In an increasing number of constituencies immigrants (1st & 2nd generation) are the only candidates you can vote for.


          • Jack Ketch says:

            Have a look at the Labour party shadow cabinet and departmental spokespeople. How many of English, protestant descent?


  8. 15
    post jungle bells says:

    What’s wrong with the way us plebs are allowed company expenses via HMRC, if it forced on 100s of thousands then why not the political trash in the house of thieves, getting close to voting time, the house of thieves have shown where their heart lies another 11% while people scrimp to pay electricity bills, they will then wonder why the country doesn’t want to vote for them.


    • 65
      the volunteer says:

      It is not very difficult to understand.
      This is personal expenditure and this is for my work.
      where the criminal personality is is in thinking that you can get away with a debatable receipt whereas you know it is for your benefit and not the people you represent.


  9. 16

    Has anyone else noticed how Jo Swinson has the same manic stare as Simon Hughes?


  10. 17
    albacore says:

    Come along, now – what else would you expect?
    The bodgers’ helpers must never neglect
    All and every opportunity
    To milk the system with impunity


  11. 19
    Nadhim Zahawi says:

    How do I go about claiming the £5000 to heat my horse stables?


  12. 21
    an awkward bastard says:

    This would make a nice question at PMQs


  13. 22
    DAVE (not long left) CAMERON says:

    I assume the training programme was designed by mp’s and made so complicated that nobody can use it


  14. 28
    Jacqui, Hazel, Dennis, Hanningfield, Taylor et al says:

    Will this show us how to claim retrospectively ?


  15. 31
    Too Far says:

    “Sending MP’s on a training program? FFS are they so thick they can’t understand written instructions.
    No wonder the country is in shit order, The whole of the HOC is a the palace of incompetance….God help us!


    • 36
      Too Far says:

      Ho! suddenly “twiged” it’s a paid for jolly, nice expensive meal, fine wine…maybe not so thick, just theiving arseholes


  16. 32
    Richard says:

    It’s incongruous that MPs vote themselves an 11% pay rise at the same time as imposing a 30% pay cut on barristers who work defending the public. I suspect the average barrister does more to help our society on any given day than the average MP. Certainly the MPs haven’t delivered 11% more value in this Parliament. Perhaps their pay should be linked to performance, e.g. raising GDP whilst reducing unemployment and wealth inequality. The default hypothesis should be that all MPs are criminal scrounging bastards who are to be lined up and shot – the onus then being on them to demonstrate otherwise. Self-serving expenses claims don’t help their case.


    • 83
      Mr Potato Head says:

      Barristers are overpaid shysters. GPs are overpaid as well. And the taxpayer’s cost of living is too high as a result.


    • 93
      Ma­qbo­ul says:

      English lawyers are the most expensive on the planet. Not only that but if you go to court you must employ two: a solicitor and a barrister. Of course, most people can’t afford this so the lawyers get the taxpayer to fund their extravagant fees. The government is tightening the noose on this scam but you can be sure that barristers will not be taking a 30% pay cut, they will simply find another source to fund their lavish lifestyles.

      You will have noticed the irritating ambulance chasers which are plaguing email inboxes and the advertising on daytime TV. Coincidence?


  17. 34
    just saying says:

    Romanian immigrant Victor Spirescu, so warmly
    greeted by Keith Vaz,is a crook.


  18. 35
    IPSA Light says:

    There should be an annual cap on MPS expenses and as an incentivisation, the 10 MPs with the lowest expenses for the year should receive a bonus equivalent to 100% of their salary.


    • 47
      post jungle bells says:

      Why?, they get paid extremely well for a non job, why should these overpaid people get more money for doing something that’s part of their job, the rest of the country has a workable system , make them use the same system or do they think the troughing is a perk of their job.


  19. 38
    anonymous says:



  20. 42

    Will each of these expense claims be published on line for everyone to see?

    Don’t bother to answer.

    The LibLabConners are all fucking lying thieves, led by that bastard Camoron.


  21. 43
    HackWatch says:

    This course (or a version of it) has been running for ages….However, I know that one batch of assistants that went on it found it so basic that a complaint went in. The material on the course apparently had nothing to do with the computer software used to submit expenses claims.

    I believe a refund was called for, but a free alternative course was offered instead….


  22. 48
    A law unto their own says:

    Wonder why the Yankees are flying low at night carrying live weapons. Drill weapons not adequate then?


    • 54
      Britain is now defenceless thanks to the banksters says:

      Maybe be it was brought down by a Russian missile fired from a ship in the Channel ?


      • 77
        Norman Baker MP says:

        It was clearly shot down by the UFO it was sent to investigate.


      • 79
        Casual Observer 5 says:

        Taking down helicopters usually is done on the ground. Maybe infiltrated by German inelligence ? It is a hallmark of theirs.

        Second high profile chopper crash in a short space of time. That and more UK contracts being cancelled is perhaps more than coincidental.

        If it was taken down by the Russ!ans they are more than capable. Unlike useless Cameron who perhaps needs help with the bathplug.


    • 90
      anon says:

      …..There were helicopters low flying ,or at least flying around ,last night, in cornwall!


  23. 50
    Taxpayer says:

    Alternatively, God forbid, they could just go to HMRC’s website to check what is permissable like the rest of us. But then they have different rules than those of us who fund these cretins.


  24. 52
    Dummy Dave the Cowardly Knave says:

    Good example of where public sector fails and private sector wins.

    There are not many companies still in business which have not solved this problem more efficiently.

    The trick for efficient and honest expenses claim systems is to get rid of staff early who abuse the system or are criminal. In this case that means getting rid of and prosecuting the corrupt MPs who are essentially not honorable members but are in the job with criminal intent.

    Some training for their support staff is welcome but the content of that training is hardly likely to significantly increase their skills base in this case and does not address the root problem that a lot of MPs are intentionally breaking the law.

    Another spin fail from a failed Prime Minister, and another waste of public money and time on a retrograde idea.


  25. 55
    Who'd Have Thought It says:

    Stick a letter I in your acronym and you can fool all of the people most of the time!

    Should be PBPTUS Piggies Back Pocket Top Up System


    • 68
      Dimmy Dave the Cowardly Knave says:

      Or thieving J’ew and ethnic MP personal gain slush fund.

      It is perhaps worth highliting that there is a distinct ethnic twist to this and for sure not all the MPs are bent.


  26. 57
    Screwed Taxpayer says:

    Benefits Street – House of Hunts style

    Can we have a Channel 4 programme next week exposing the theiving c’unts exploitation of expenses via IPSA?


  27. 61
    Intellectual Pygmy says:

    It seems that the Electoral Commission is worried about certain Asian communities being “vulnerable” to election fraud.

    I thought that small children could be vulnerable to things like, for instance Asian sex gangs. Commuters traveling on packed trains could be vulnerable to terrorist attackers.

    I didn’t realise that criminals could be vulnerable to committing crimes. Unless of course it is just a tiny minority who are committing these crimes, and therefore we must be absolutely certain we do not unnecessarily upset anybody. Let alone tell them to wind their neck in, sort their communities out and start behaving as if they are living somewhere much nicer and richer, that they chose to come to.


  28. 63
    Dimmy Dave the Cowardly Knave says:

    And electoral commissions latest plan to reduce voting fraud the other day:

    Bring photo Id to voting booth.

    Will not stop voting fraud and may strip vote from anyone who does not have a passport or drivers license with photo.

    Fucking retards.

    A polling card is issued. That system and simple checking using common sense of all the Bongo Bongo land votes fr Labour is the simple solution.

    On the plus side, denying the vote in this way denies access to the ballot box. That helps narrow the options nicely.


    • 91
      Mr Potato Head says:

      The only way to stop voting fraud is to do what they do in some other third world countries and put paint on say an index finger that disappears after 24 hours or so. And postal voting should be a no-no. If people can’t be arsed to go 200 hundred yards to vote then their vote should not be counted. Hospitals could have voting booths.


  29. 66
    anonymous says:



    • 84
      Ma­qbo­ul says:

      It was @JosefStalin’s birthday a few weeks back. Happy Birthday Jo, I know you made a few mistakes, but you meant well.



  30. 69
    Pat talks sense says:


    • 97
      Warren Peace says:

      Sometimes I wish Pat would stop faffing about, and tell us what he really thinks. By the way, the other radical he mentions is about to make an appearance on Sky news.


  31. 72
    The LOLs continue says:

    Ha ha! I think the fallout from her “I want all C4 producers dead” tweet has gotten to poor Labour activist Jasmin Beckett. Her twitter page now reads:

    @JasminAmelia’s tweets are protected.

    Only confirmed followers have access to @JasminAmelia’s Tweets and complete profile.


    • 82
      Twitter is for Twats says:

      Only confirmed knob-heads use Twitter.


    • 88
      Casual Observer 5 says:

      But will she be prosecuted or protected because she is Labour and has done a month working with Mersey police.

      Protecting tweets is no defence. People would have made copies and hopefully filed some police complaints.

      Couple were sent down yesterday for tweeting at some Brazilian feminist who is causing trouble here and they did not express a death threat. This Labour activist perhaps should get 6 months or so unless of course the prosecution of the others is wholly politically motivated.

      The Brazilian agitprop – Perez – perhaps should return home.


    • 95
      Intellectual Pygmy says:

      This is how it starts. They let the mask slip and demand death for disagreeing with them. People fail to take them seriously because they are young and exuberant. Next they hold closed meetings with like minded individuals, the plotting and the hatred really sets in at this point, with nobody to hold them to account. One day they have real power and people start disappearing.

      It’s a dangerous path well trodden by the left.


  32. 87

    What about a training course to learn how to post on order-order.com?

    That would probably be too taxing for many MPs…


  33. 92
    the volunteer says:

    I worked with a guy for 30 years who was in the Hitler youth, a more ameniable, bright, informative, hard working person you would never meet. When I think about what Germany has, their potential, and compare to our little island and what we have done with it in the last 60 years I get very depressed.


    • 96
      Ma­qbo­ul says:

      The Pope Emiritus was in the Hitler Youth, of course. They didn’t have a choice. Or so every man jack of them claimed after they had lost the war.


      • 103
        the volunteer says:

        It is not difficult to see how right minded people would think that the European Union was a good idea after such a conflict but the problem is with the intellectual capacity of the various nations’ representatives. if the Union was between England and Germany and maybe the Scandinavian states then there would be no difficulties.


    • 100
      Mr Potato Head says:

      “In a move which close observers of German politics are hailing as a radical shift towards British style euroscepticism, the new secretary general of the Christian Social Union, (CSU), a long-time key ally in government and opposition of Chancellor Angela Merkel’s Christian Democrats, has come out with a scathing attack on the leadership of the European Union in Brussels.

      Using highly charged language, he simultaneously criticised large-scale immigration of unskilled labourers to Germany.”


    • 104
      Intellectual Pygmy says:

      Christmas Eve 2003 I was sat in my German hotel very bored so decided to find a bar and have a few beers to see in Christmas day. I accidentally found a nationalist bar and unknowingly went in for a pint. After a pint or two sat quietly on my own at the bar, the bar tender told me in English that the locals were upset and I was going to be beaten when I left! Not to worry though, seeing as it is Christmas I will sort it out he said. That was kind of him I thought! After five minutes or so a very old gentleman walks over and the bar tender introduces him as a Wehrmacht veteran who would like me to share a Christmas drink with him.

      I spent half hour sat with him. He spoke no English and I spoke no German at the time, but he was the real deal and his offer of hospitality made me untouchable as far as the young Nazi bastards in the bar were concerned.

      Germany can be a great place to live, but it is not without it’s problems and it is dangerous to judge it from a narrow perspective.


  34. 109
    D$ says:

    i was using a simple online websystem well over a decade ago to submit expense receipts.

    And the house of commons is currently asking people to fill in excel templets which are then “uploaded” to a secondary

    No wonder this country seems to be run by imbeciles, thats because it is !

    You could probably get a graduate with a basic html/javascript knowledge to knock up a html based expense submissions system….


  35. 110
    Harry Krishna says:

    Can Guido produce a list of the idiots so the public can avoid voting for them?


  36. 112
    Spartacus says:

    easy – follow HMRC rules – provide receipts for everything and justify the lot.

    household items and house repairs are at your own cost; business lunches and similar not to exceed and so on.

    its all in the rules (for the rest of us)

    (oh, and be prepared to be audited by an HMRC representative called scrooge)


  37. 119

    Teaching the troughers how to trough, innit!


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