SKETCH: Play Up, Play Up and Play the Game

With his lopsided grin, easy manner and tousled hair Tristram ‘Hereditary’ Hunt, did his duty impeccably, providing public school leadership to his dogged, working class party this afternoon in the Commons. He treated the sortie with the casual grace of a subaltern in vicarage garden, and ignored the terrible casualties around him.

Disdaining the enemy’s firepower, he went elegantly over the top to launch his deadly question – how many Free Schools had been approved against official advice?

The answer: “None.” Bang, one leg taken off.

Undeterred, he threw himself forward. “Was Al Madinah school approved against official advice?” The same answer took his other leg off.

Lying there in the mud but full of pluck, he waved his troops forward. Labour MPs threw themselves into the raking machinegun fire one after the other and met the same fate. Same question, same answer.

These young class warriors in the Battle of Education. Magnificently unprepared for life. You can’t help but admire their lionlike behaviour, whatever the donkey qualities of their generals.

But what arrogant, out-of-touch elite is sending them out equipped like this? What incompetent strategist has conceived their anti-Free Schools campaign – motivated by sheer loathing of the enemy and unconcerned with massive educational casualties among their own people?

Back behind the lines, as the guns pound on: Ed Balls pours himself a brandy and broods on the destruction of his enemies.




Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Sky’s Faisal Islam on the mood in Parliament at the moment:

“It’s a totally febrile atmosphere here. It’s kind of like Game of Thrones meets House of Cards – and if you chuck in the Labour Party – Laurel and Hardy too.”

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

TRACKING #TORYLEADERSHIP CAMPAIGN 2016 TRACKING #TORYLEADERSHIP CAMPAIGN 2016
GLOVES OFF: CRABB GOES FOR BORIS GLOVES OFF: CRABB GOES FOR BORIS
JEDIS FOR JEZ JEDIS FOR JEZ
DON’T TRIGGER ARTICLE 50 UNTIL THE DEAL IS CLEAR DON’T TRIGGER ARTICLE 50 UNTIL THE DEAL IS CLEAR
SNP CELEBRATE ENGLAND OUT OF EUROPE SNP CELEBRATE ENGLAND OUT OF EUROPE
LEADSOM WAITING FOR BORIS TO OFFER HER CHANCELLOR LEADSOM WAITING FOR BORIS TO OFFER HER CHANCELLOR
Happy Brexit Ma’am Happy Brexit Ma’am
SEUMAS’ BAD IDEA SEUMAS’ BAD IDEA
FARAGE VICTORY SPEECH TO EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT FARAGE VICTORY SPEECH TO EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT
LABOUR COUP DAY 3 LABOUR COUP DAY 3
INSIDE THE PLP: “THE WORST SPEECH I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE” INSIDE THE PLP: “THE WORST SPEECH I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE”
“SAVE JEZ” SUPPORTERS DEMAND “100 NEW MPS” “SAVE JEZ” SUPPORTERS DEMAND “100 NEW MPS”
CAMERON ON LABOUR: “AND I THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A BAD DAY” CAMERON ON LABOUR: “AND I THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A BAD DAY”
JUNXIT! JUNCKER FACING CALLS TO RESIGN JUNXIT! JUNCKER FACING CALLS TO RESIGN
Runners & Riders Runners & Riders
Social Media’s Filter Bubble Driving Political Anger Social Media’s Filter Bubble Driving Political Anger
4 a.m. Tom Watson 4 a.m. Tom Watson
Britain Votes For Brexit Britain Votes For Brexit