SKETCH: Play Up, Play Up and Play the Game

With his lopsided grin, easy manner and tousled hair Tristram ‘Hereditary’ Hunt, did his duty impeccably, providing public school leadership to his dogged, working class party this afternoon in the Commons. He treated the sortie with the casual grace of a subaltern in vicarage garden, and ignored the terrible casualties around him.

Disdaining the enemy’s firepower, he went elegantly over the top to launch his deadly question – how many Free Schools had been approved against official advice?

The answer: “None.” Bang, one leg taken off.

Undeterred, he threw himself forward. “Was Al Madinah school approved against official advice?” The same answer took his other leg off.

Lying there in the mud but full of pluck, he waved his troops forward. Labour MPs threw themselves into the raking machinegun fire one after the other and met the same fate. Same question, same answer.

These young class warriors in the Battle of Education. Magnificently unprepared for life. You can’t help but admire their lionlike behaviour, whatever the donkey qualities of their generals.

But what arrogant, out-of-touch elite is sending them out equipped like this? What incompetent strategist has conceived their anti-Free Schools campaign – motivated by sheer loathing of the enemy and unconcerned with massive educational casualties among their own people?

Back behind the lines, as the guns pound on: Ed Balls pours himself a brandy and broods on the destruction of his enemies.


“Fat Cats For EU” “Fat Cats For EU”
“CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS “CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS
CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL
CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS
CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE
TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY
CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE
OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT
POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES
TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA
ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN
STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION
NUS CHIEF EXECUTIVE PAID FIVE TIMES AVERAGE GRADUATE NUS CHIEF EXECUTIVE PAID FIVE TIMES AVERAGE GRADUATE
CORBYN CLAPPED COMMIE LEADER FOR REFUSING TO TOAST THE QUEEN CORBYN CLAPPED COMMIE LEADER FOR REFUSING TO TOAST THE QUEEN
SNP CHOPPER NOT DECLARED PROPERLY SNP CHOPPER NOT DECLARED PROPERLY
SADIQ RAISES EU FLAG ABOVE CITY HALL SADIQ RAISES EU FLAG ABOVE CITY HALL
SAJ ‘PRIVATELY SAID HE WANTED TO LEAVE’ SAJ ‘PRIVATELY SAID HE WANTED TO LEAVE’
CRICK CRICK’D CRICK CRICK’D
EU WANTS CULTURAL QUOTAS ON NETFLIX AND AMAZON PRIME EU WANTS CULTURAL QUOTAS ON NETFLIX AND AMAZON PRIME
LIBDEM WHO COMPLAINED TO POLICE ABOUT TORY ELECTION FRAUD BROKE SPENDING RULES LIBDEM WHO COMPLAINED TO POLICE ABOUT TORY ELECTION FRAUD BROKE SPENDING RULES
LABOUR WON’T ALLOW CONFERENCE DELEGATES TO SELF-IDENTIFY LABOUR WON’T ALLOW CONFERENCE DELEGATES TO SELF-IDENTIFY
WORST BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND EVER WORST BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND EVER
CELEBRITY CONSUMER CHAMPION HITS BACK AT BSE CELEBRITY CONSUMER CHAMPION HITS BACK AT BSE
MOMENTUM REJOICE! ONLY 65% THINK CORBYN NOT READY TO BE PM MOMENTUM REJOICE! ONLY 65% THINK CORBYN NOT READY TO BE PM
TAXPAYER FUNDED ASH LOBBIED GOVERNMENT FOR PLAIN-PACKS TAXPAYER FUNDED ASH LOBBIED GOVERNMENT FOR PLAIN-PACKS
REMAIN’S GILLIAN DUFFY MOMENT REMAIN’S GILLIAN DUFFY MOMENT
NORTHERNERS MOCK “GRIM UP NORTH” BURNHAM NORTHERNERS MOCK “GRIM UP NORTH” BURNHAM
LONG-TERM RISE OF ANTI-POLITICS LONG-TERM RISE OF ANTI-POLITICS
SUPREME COURT FINDS IN FAVOUR OF PJS SUPREME COURT FINDS IN FAVOUR OF PJS