January 6th, 2014

Running the Country


  1. 1
    Rapid Deflation says:

    That looks like a pen1s only smaller

  2. 2
    Herman van Rompuy says:

    I do.

  3. 3
    y says:

    In what way is SkyNews unbiased?

  4. 4
    Jose Barroso says:

    No Rompuy, I do you bank clerk!

  5. 5
    Angela Merkel says:

    But not for long. Once I get off these crutches from trying to emulate Schuey it will all be mine.

  6. 6
    Tony Blair says:

    Who really runs Britain at 11am on Monday?

    ….stupid question

  7. 7
    Nigel Farage says:

    Pipe down you bloody clowns, the British Parliament has the power old boys (and ladies, Angela).

    Good sport, spiffing, tip tip.

  8. 8
    Spartacus says:

    is this the Friday caption competition??

  9. 9
    altruism in industry says:

    he’s not Putin is he ?

  10. 10
    Herman von Rompuy says:

    David’s ring is my precioussss.

  11. 11
    sir humpty dumpty says:


  12. 12
    Geoffrey Bloom says:

    Nige, old boy. Let me back in to the old gang old girl you. ?????

  13. 13
    Catherine Ashton says:

    This Sir has it. The EU Civil Service of course!

  14. 14
    Knob says:


  15. 15
    Us Lib Dems says:

    We were run by our leader from Scotland permanently running on alcohol. Whats your fuel of choice?

  16. 16
    JH34989342529345 says:


    60mph limit proposed for section of M1.

    Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off.

    It will make barely any difference anyway, and surely the quicker the traffic is going the less each vehicle emits into a given area? The tailbacks this will cause will create far more local pollution.

    It’s bad enough that we have idiots dreaming this shit up, but to make it in to policy is unforgiveable.

  17. 17
    Centre Parting says:

    Clegg is less productive whatever he does.

  18. 18
    And the other one says:

  19. 19
    BeePee says:

    Err, I assume you also support the view that if you are running out of petrol it’s better to go very fast as you’ll get there quicker (ie before you run out)?

  20. 20
    Ed Miliband says:

    ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ And thith one goes outh to all the ladeeth ifth loved before. ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

  21. 21
    carlo gambino says:

    Hey, hey, young, go-ahead, thrusting, dynamic, fit, energetic – what’s not to like.

  22. 22
    Casual Observer 5 says:

    Perhaps he is trying to keep a low profile in the office today after his recent fabulous efforts in defending the realm and public relations for high profile government programs.

    Or has one of Crosby’s focus groups suggested that Nigel being thin is why UKIP are doing well ?

  23. 23
    SAS Sniper says:

    OK got him covered, ask Cressida if I should shoot.

  24. 24
    Swamped says:

    Ooops, I thought the headline said “Ruining the Country”

  25. 25
    carlo gambino says:

    Oh yeah – he’s a lazy, clueless, and weak Prime Minister.

    That’s what not to like.

    I knew there was something.

  26. 26
    man on the Clapham Omnibus says:

    I run the country!

  27. 27
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Another non-story from Gui do. Sun style drivel.

  28. 28
    BBC gets lost 2 miles from Soho says:

    J28 is nowhere near Matlock.

  29. 29
    Is Dave a Freak? says:

    Does the camera lie? Are his legs really that short and dangling from good matronly child-bearing hips?

  30. 30
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Can’t take criticism Guido?

  31. 31
    Tom - UK says:

    Is this really news worthy? Guido I enjoy your work but this story in essence could be summed up as.

    “Man working long hours in low exercise job under high pressure and extreme scrutiny uses exercise to clear his head or stay fit”

  32. 32
    Jeezuz says:

    Rotherham is beyond redemption anyway.

  33. 33
    Sunderland is a Labour ghetto thats why its shyte says:

    The doxen or so Romanians who inhabit M and S in Newcastle and Sunderland with their Big Issues and accordians havnt been seen for days,no doubt they are holidaying with their families in the Balkans courtesy of the taxpayers and telling all their families about British Benefit scams.

  34. 34
    Bloody BBC shit makes me puke chunks says:

    Not having to pay to see it they can do what they like as far as I’m concerned,when it comes the BBC however…

  35. 35
    Cressida -- I got promoted for killing an innocent man says:

    Fire! Fire! Now! Don’t fuck about!

  36. 36
    BBC gets lost 2 miles from Soho says:

    Good idea to get there as slowly as possible?

  37. 37
    This is the reason. BUT IT IS A GUIDELINE NOT A FUCKING ORDER says:

    New European Union guidelines on air quality come into force this year and the agency argued that a lower limit would be needed to ensure these were met on the section from junctions 28 and 35a, which goes past Mansfield, Chesterfield and Sheffield.

  38. 38
    M­­a­q­bo­ul says:

    In heavy traffic slower consistent speeds avoid the “concertina effect”.

  39. 39
    Tim Yeo says:

    We will have Wind Farms along the hard shoulder to blow the pollution away.

    Vote for me

  40. 40
    Vladimir says:

    No way. I’m fitter than Weakling Dave in every respect.

  41. 41
    Jap Tourist says:

    Lothelam area, so like Nagasake.

  42. 42
    The BBC says:

    It’s up North, what more do you want?

  43. 43
    Anthony Eden's Tailor says:

    Cameron is rather fleshy. He’s going to seed very quick I doubt he’ll still fit the wardrobe of clothes he had when he became PM by the time the next GE comes. A very poor sort of gentleman in my opinion. He seems to like quares and favour rough trade from East Europe. All to his own of course, but not the sort of chap to actually run a country surely?

  44. 44
    Dave might be about to resign now ? says:

    Arms are looking a bit weird, especially the forearms.

  45. 45
    Cressida Dick says:

    Sh*t, we killed the PM. Still, I’m alright.

  46. 46
    Liam Byrne in 2010 says:

    There’s no money left.

  47. 47
    Car Insurers says:

    Traffic is VERY slow in Bradford, however there is much evidence of concertina effect in accident claims.

  48. 48
    Anon says:

    He looks like he’s laying one out alright…

  49. 49
    Unite union- helping those who threaten British workers jobs says:

    We’re happy to inform all immigrants about the benefits they’re entitled to.

  50. 50
    Indigene says:

    “Running the Country”

    Surely a spelling mistake.

    “Ruining the Country”

    There, fixed it for you Guido.

  51. 51
    BBC gets lost 2 miles from Soho says:

    Matlock is miles away in the peak district surrounded by high cliffs – the last place to put a motorway.

    J28 is in the middle of South Normanton, which would take about 20 seconds to check on a map.

  52. 52
    Fuck the EU says:

    Consistent speeds do, but a reduced limit does not produce consistent speeds and as that is a hilly section the concertina will still play when a truck attempts to overtake another truck and ends up running side by side with it, causing cars to swerve into the outside lanes thus causing a shunt all the way back down to Long Eaton

  53. 53
    Simon Cowell says:

    …or auditioning for X Factor ?

  54. 54
    Casual Observer 5 says:

    I don’t think Maggie ever slacked off quite like this.

    Dave should perhaps have invested in a cross trainer for somewhere in #10.

    He could get the exercise he needs, low impact, and without prying camera’s photographing him and cheeky chappies rightly inferring that he is slacking off. He needs to do cardio and burn calories – for that he really needs gradient to get get the quads and gluteals working. Running on hard flat is just going to wear him out, and runs the risk of damaging his knees.

    Irrespective of what I think of him or his politics, damage to knee joint I would not wish on my worst enemy.

  55. 55
    Nige -- Mine's a pint says:

    Piss off Geoff. Go and check behind Angela Merkin’s fridge if you want to do something useful.

  56. 56
    A reader says:

    Why’s he doing a calendar girl pose, the hands-behind-the-head thing?

  57. 57
    Godfrey Bloom says:

    Who the fuck are you ?

  58. 58
    BBC gets lost 2 miles from Soho says:

    The hard shoulder is being removed from this stretch to make 4 lanes. Just make sure you don’t break down along the way.

  59. 59
    Herman von Rompuy says:

    Me you little Englanders!

  60. 60
    Take it easy Boss says:

    His minders look as if they think he is about to die.

  61. 61
    get orf moi laaaaaand says:

    Poundlanistan more loik

  62. 62
    Willy Vague says:

    It’s got a bit stretched over the years. Make sure it doesn’t slip off your finger.

  63. 63
    get orf moi laaaaaand says:

    he’s not even Maggie

  64. 64
    Geneologist says:

    Cameron comes from good stock..Knorr chicken I believe.

  65. 65
    I hate socialists. says:

    Sky news has become very biased against the Conservatives and UKIP.
    What is their agenda?

  66. 66
    Bob Fleming says:

    I think the speed where most cars give optimum fuel consumption is around 60mph – so might make sense to do that if you were running out of fuel.. As for the 60mph proposal for a section of the M1, JH calls it right – absolute meddling bullshit on so many levels

  67. 67
    Samcam says:

    Showing his moobs again as usual.

  68. 68
    Photoshop Fail says:

    Probably not

  69. 69
    It Stinks says:

    They’ve just spent 4 years making it 4 lanes and putting up those gantries every mile complete with a camera for every lane. So we now know that there was an ulterior motive in those gantries.

    FFS they should be making road travel faster, not slower.

    The Highways agency is another bloated quango with endless amounts of money to waste.

  70. 70
    get orf moi laaaaaand says:

    If he was only lazy, clueless and weak it wouldn’t be so bad.

    Trouble is, he’s a deceitful, treacherous, fuckwit too.

  71. 71
    Photoshop Fail says:

    (to the second question)

    I’ll believe it when I see video.

  72. 72
    Bob Fleming says:

    I suppose they could reduce the speed limit to 0mph – that should achieve the effect the meddling bureaucrats want to see

  73. 73
    David Icke says:

    How about “Replicant Lizard pops out unnoticed to shed old skin”?

  74. 74
    y says:

    In what way is the fucking oaf in the picture in touch with the working man of this country?

  75. 75
    Stephanie Flanders says:

    I recognise that cum face

  76. 76
    triffic innit says:

    Selling the Big Issue classes them as self-employed, so they can them help themselves to a shed load of benefits paid for by you and me.

  77. 77
    Rob says:

    ‘Guideline’. On the Continent they treat EU laws as guidelines, we treat EU guidelines as laws.


  78. 78
    y says:

    ps it’s a horrible fucking picture – scaremongeringly so!!!!!

  79. 79
    Robert Dennis "Danny" Blanchflower says:

    Geedo. In Quote of the day it should be Danny and not David. Sack the intern.

  80. 80
    Chappie says:

    you don’t include the advertisement revenue then? There’s more ads on SkyNews than real information!!

  81. 81
    Beeboid says:

    That would take for ever

    We would have to

    -get training in how to use a tablet
    -google ‘oop north’
    -get a ‘buddy’ because we can only work in pairs (see BBC news / current
    -have to send 35 journalists to report back from this ‘rotherham’ place.
    Obviously we couldn’t possibly use a report from Look North
    -get at least a dozen translators (yorkshire-> english / welsh) etc

  82. 82
    You can Barroso if you want to says:


    I would like to see us obey EVERY diktat from the EUSSR on principle, even the ones we support.

  83. 83
    Nige -- Mine's a pint says:

    Alternatively go and roger Catherine Ashton for us.

  84. 84
    Jimmy says:

    Ok got it, but what’s a backbone?

  85. 85
    Ibiza says:

    He’s been working on a pony tail

  86. 86
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    The BBC cannot bring itself to say the above, only Jimmy Savile TV Presenter.

  87. 87
    Jemima Clarkdaughter says:

    Kum see Chipping Norton, velly Kawasaki

  88. 88
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Stories Guido.


  89. 89
    Jim says:

    Yea, I noticed that. Why follow the BBC?

  90. 90
    Jon Garthwaite says:

    Good to see him on the go!

  91. 91
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Bring in Romanian and Bulgarian barristers. They would do the job for £20k a year.

  92. 92
    Non taxable pikey says:

    You forgot the Risk Assessments.

  93. 93
    Afrocutter says:

    He looks a bit Constipated – or should that be Labstipated?

  94. 94
    Non taxable pikey says:

    Easier to stop noshing.

  95. 95
    Paniagua V5 says:

    What used to be that bone behind Eds yellow streak

  96. 96
    Afrocutter says:

    Certain folk on here seem to think he resides just outside Tel Aviv.

  97. 97
    Alex's Almond says:

    Kneeling before his EU controllers is the worst threat to the well being of Cameron’s knees not jiggling around London.

  98. 98
    Humperdinck Humperdinck says:

    Please release me, let me go.

  99. 99
    Alex's Almond says:

    He’s trying to remember which pub he left the kids in – that’s panic not pose.

  100. 100
    Anonymous says:

    You’re so vain. You probably think this song is about you.

  101. 101
    Gordon Gekko says:

    You’ve got it in for us Icke, you friggin racist.

  102. 102
    Reader says:


  103. 103
    The Duke says:

    Precisely. It’s all a load of balls.

  104. 104
    Psyche the Dog says:

    Do you think Dave is worried that his rug will fly away in the strong wind, a chap can get very self conscious when one’s rug takes to the air with photographers about.

  105. 105
    Sir Humphrey says:

    In light of recent reports in the press and in the main stream media as a whole, we must remember that he who pays the piper, plays the tune. The tune has yet to be chosen by a committee of honourable members. However, it was with some certainty that the aforementioned committee will not be able to make a decision until the pre-committee-stage of the discussions decide whether to serve one or two packets of biscuits when the committee makes it’s decision.

    In fact, according to my counterpart at the ministry of decision making, I am led to believe that due to a national shortage of wheatgerm and sugar based products, it is very unlikely that a decision as to who runs the country at 11 a.m will be taken until at, the very least, 4.45 p.m. sometime on a date that has yet to be agreed.

    To summarise: I couldn’t possibly comment, Prime Minister.

  106. 106
    Judge Dreadful says:

    There are plenty of young lawyers doing legal aid work getting paid less than that

  107. 107
    Get on with it says:

    The EU run the Country and the BBC misinform the masses – this is true for any hour of any day of any week.

  108. 108
    Get on with it says:

    My heart goes out to them……..

  109. 109
    Ed Balls says:

    Ed Balls

  110. 110
    Get on with it says:

    I don’t care whether they’re biased or not – they can campaign on behalf of the Church of the flying spaghetti monster for all I care.

    What those that criticise Sky willfully ignore as it doesn’t suit their narrative is that Sky News is free to watch and I don’t have to pay for it, have thugs knock at my door demanding I pay for it, receive threatening letters for not paying for it, receive court summons for not paying for it, receive a fine for not paying for it nor will I go to prison for not paying the fine for not paying for it.

    Do you get it yet?

  111. 111
    Cynic says:

    Why has he got such red knees

  112. 112
    Get on with it says:

    The only point I take issue with is that he is lazy.
    Imagine how much effort it takes trying to convince the public that borrowing is down, uncontrolled immigration is good, Scotland shouldn’t leave the UK and that the EU is a good thing.
    He certainly isn’t lazy.

  113. 113
    Brenda says:

    The word is bollux, Dear.

  114. 114
    Brenda says:

    Because one insists he kneels before one at the weekly audience where I have to listen to all his pathetic excuses for his failures over the previous seven days.

    I do wish I had a riding crop sometimes, like a proper dominatrix.

  115. 115
    Psyche the Dog says:

    They used to use 56mph as the most efficient driving speed and after that consumption pm increases and the advantage of having a diesel gradually reduces as speed increases. What bugs me people race down the motorways and dual carriage but when it comes turnoffs you get tailbacks, very annoying to queue in a line of traffic and when you get to what was supppose to be holding traffic up there is nothing there.

  116. 116
    Psyche the Dog says:

    Dave probably thinks it a super place to have his HS2 glory project

  117. 117
    JH34989342529345 says:

    If only there were guidelines on immigrant quality we could put in place.

  118. 118
    Psyche the Dog says:

    Once it was properous, plenty of money, high employment, etc the whole area has bombed since 1973. The council seem to have plenty of money, new library, council offices, old library only about 45 yo, various council offices built 1968 – c.1985, they are building a new Tesco’s in their place + car park.

  119. 119
    Psyche the Dog says:

    Why not indeed, it would match the speed of goverment

  120. 120
    Blind Pew says:

    It’s port.

  121. 121

    Did you miss the bit at the top where it says “tittle tattle and gossip”?

  122. 122
    Dave Milibiscuit says:

    Brother, can you spare a dime?

  123. 123
    Psyche the Dog says:

    I do not like motorway driving but I went back home on the M62 from somewhere near Bury, climbing up the high to the transmitting mast at the peak I past truck aftertruck after truck slowly climbing the hill, on the other side going down towards Brighouse these same trucks and buses left me standing they must have been braking the speed limit, I don’t know what would happened if there there was an accident ahead, those things especially when loaded to capacity do not stop very quickly.

  124. 124
    Deed Pole. says:

    It is good for the country to have a fit PM.

  125. 125
    Mavis O'Reilly says:

    So how much do you pay to watch Sky?

  126. 126
    Dougie says:

    Good for him. The more time any politician spends jogging the less time they are spending wrecking the country.

  127. 127
    shoot 'em all says:

    Is Dave ruining this country? Yep and with the help of all his little happy incompetent friends and buddy mates!!

  128. 128
    ziggy says:

    Erm? This happy, is this not a euphemism for gay?

  129. 129
    Taxpayer says:

    So who’s wrecking it for him?

  130. 130
    Luke says:

    By the looks of the fatty, he’ll soon be Pukin’

  131. 131
    Anonymous says:


  132. 132
    Raptor says:

    The problem is that whenever Cameron’s government puts forward a sensible policy or a proposal for reform, it is invariably obstructed by little Cleggy and the LibDems.

    He might as well go for a run. At least Cleggy won’t be standing in his way going “Noooo !”

  133. 133
    Bastard PE Teacher says:

    I agree.

    Can’t see that weedy little nerd Milliband even running for a bus without an inhaler.

  134. 134
    Get on with it says:

    Watch Sky News live on the internet and I pay Sky nothing however, simply wanting to watch Sky News (which is still free) on a television and I have to pay the BBC.
    Do you what a scam the license is yet?

  135. 135
    Anonymous says:

    Who runs the country at this time in the morning? Hopefully not this prick and his cronies.

  136. 136
    Bastard PE Teacher says:

    Not all all. Dave is no Gay Icon that’s for sure.

  137. 137
    David says:

    Delighted to see that the PM has time to run in the mornings and takes no notice that Milliband,s alleged crises need attention, to wit:
    -Cost of living CRISIS
    -Global warming CRISIS
    -Flooding CRISIS
    -Immigration CRISIS
    -Occasional Air -Traffic CRISIS
    -Housing CRISIS
    This is just normal life. How we deal with a CRISIS as individuals defines who and what we are.

  138. 138
    y says:

    what – like sky?

  139. 139
    herewegoagain says:

    Well if you buy anything advertised on Sky, you’ll pay something, can be a substantial percentage, advertising isn’t cheap.

  140. 140
    Anonymous says:

    Because he owes so many people for his odious dirty power grab and has to repay them somehow.

  141. 141
    Deed Pole. says:

    Absolutely – an hour running will do him ( and, therefore, us ) more good than an hour with any SPA or civil servant or lobbyist or minister or backbencher, if you are asking me.
    don’t knock the bloke for running.

  142. 142
    No such thing as Happy New Year in Edinburgh shitty! Same Auld Leeching Tripe over & over again! says:

    Bloody hell! Guido.

  143. 143
    Spartacus says:

    i said caption – not cap gun

  144. 144
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Surely you meant to say ‘Ruining the country’.

  145. 145
    Anonymous says:

    Is that the Poundland in Tooting SW17 ??

    To think I was thinking of darkening its doors this very morning

    thank god i had a last minute change of mind . !!

  146. 146
    broderick crawford says:

    Seconded Thirded and Fourthted

    Marvellous to see a fit PM …. makes a change from those overweight, aristos of the 1940 s who used to sloth around in armchairs writing memos to their underlings all day whilst seeming to live on a constant diet of five montecristo cigars and a bottle if glenfiddych a day .


  147. 147
    Ed the Eunuch says:

    So the country can run itself for an hour or two. Interesting to know!

  148. 148
    broderick crawford says:

    get well soon angie babes , hope the fractured pelvis heals in time for your next heads of government assignation with monsieur herman the hermit pumpy van rump steak .

    ( what is it with you germans and ski slope self injury … do you have some collective aspiration to sacrifice yourselves on the altar of the cresta run ??)

  149. 149
    broderick crawford says:

    cone in 134 your time is up

    we feel duty bound to advise you that as long as you possess a RECEIVER OF TELEVISUAL IMAGES .. including a pc or tablet …. then you are LIABLE for the fee unless you can conclusively prove that it cannot receive any of the many BBC channel offerings in uk .

    and it is impossible to do this as they will argue there are various free apps you can download to watch uk and foreign channels free including BBC e g Film on TV -and Film on Mobile. .


  150. 150
    broderick crawford says:

    gosh are you really the kosher first century spartacus … or just a 21 st century identity thief ??

  151. 151
    Ian E says:

    Typo, Guido – the third letter should be an ‘i’.

  152. 152
    broderick crawford says:


    I said punch the co ordinates into the GPS …..
    not onto your bloody forehead !!

  153. 153
    Seb Coe - on the mat - with Backstairs Billy says:

    If he does all this running, why is he such a tubby fucker?

  154. 154
    Seb Coe - on the mat - with 8ackstairs 8illy says:

    You try saying that with your cock up his arsehole.

  155. 155
    Seb Coe - on the mat - with 8ackstairs 8illy says:

    Don’t forget the bumsex – we’re all right behind Dave on that.

    Balls deep and lovin’ it.

  156. 156
    A Pensioner says:

    He should try off-piste skiing

  157. 157
    Deed Pole. says:

    Of Course you are right, because Churchill was fat, there can be no benefit to being fit. How stupid of me. I see it now, we are all getting more stout in an attempt to emulate the great man. Just think how wonderful the country will be when we are all as fat as Churchill and therefore as great as him. And the cigar manufacturers won’t grumble either.

  158. 158

    Why these idiots think it gives them some kind of electoral kudos to be seen running round the streets is one of lives mysteries .

  159. 159
    fed-up in britain says:

    fat flabby use-less dave the fuck-wit.

  160. 160
    Tom Catesby. says:

    ‘Who really runs Britain at 11a.m. on a Monday morning?’
    The EU.

  161. 161
    The Gasman says:

    It is a pity he does not run from Downing Street and keep on and never ciome back

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