December 21st, 2013

Saturday Seven Up


541 Comments

  1. 1
    Ric Holden CCHQ says:

    The average mobile phone contains more bacteria than the average toilet seat.

    • 2
      Dave fights to get Turkish immigrants says:

      Jeremy Paxman explained the internet to Newsnight viewers last night:

      “as we all know one of the main roles of the internet is to facilitate masturbation”.

      As we all know one of the main roles of mass immigration is to facilitate cheap prostitution.

    • 3
      Anonymous says:

      The average episode of X Factor contains more s**t than a toilet.

      • 8
        Living in 98.221% white Merseyside says:

        I NEVER watch:-

        Strictly
        Got Talent
        Celebrity
        Bake Off
        X Factor
        Dancing on Ice
        Morecambe and Wise repeats.

        • 15
          Anonymous says:

          Doesn’t leave much else to watch!

          • Another Christmas of repeats beckons says:

            Eastenders ; “Corrie” ; Emmerdale:Home and Away: All the crap on E4

          • greg says:

            It pains me to say it but US cable TV is way better than our homegrown, Marxist infected bollocks. Marxism has run through the UK narrative threads like BRIGHTON through Brighton rock ever since Cathy Come Home made us all into gibbering guilt fests. Now single mumhood is a lifestyle choice that needs to be funded by others who had fuck all to do with the conception.

          • Phil Robertson says:

            “It pains me to say it but US cable TV is way better than our homegrown, Marxist infected bollocks.”

            Well, Lord fuck a duck.

          • langley says:

            goose is down.
            so wrap yourself in a goose down quilt from the waist down.

            if in need of honey just coat up.
            wrap yourself tightly in a sheepskin coat.

            when the shit hits the fan, duck under the duvet made of duck feather and goose down.

          • I've got something in my pocket for you... says:

            The best thing on telly is South Park.

            Hands down, no arguments.

            It just is.

          • Eric Hobsbawn's Fabian Solutions says:

            Tv times has a couple of arseholes from Eastenders on the cover with the headline ‘back together for Christmas’.it appears the BBC think we should be over the moon that this couple are together again as if they represent something to be cherished. Anyone familiar with these odious characters know that Kat Slater is a Trollope who has shagged most of Albert Square with the full knowledge of her wimp of a husband who keeps taking her back for fuck knows what reason. These characters are a pair of arseholes and the fact that the BBC hold them up as TVs golden couple tells you all you need to know about that organisation.

          • greg says:

            @Phil Robertson

            I don’t know how old you are Phil, but in my day US TV was laughed at and derided for very good reasons, viz, it was crap. That was in the days when Dennis Potter, Alan Platter, Clive Exton and Simon Gray, to name but a few, were writing excellent single plays for TV; Play For Today, The Wednesday Play etc. Many of our best sit.coms were regularly rewritten and adapted for US TV, Till Death Do Us Part, Porridge etc. So in reply to your sneery comment, I would say it remains painful to see how low our national TV has fallen in the intervening years.

          • Phil Robertson says:

            @ greg December 21. 2013 at 7:12 pm

            You might want to Google “Phil Robertson” to see the point of the joke. It appears as if you haven’t. That was the reason for the “WHOOSH” you heard– it went right over your head.

        • 16
          Burghers are bad for you says:

          … but like the good little useful idiot you no doubt pay your telly tax in full and on time.

        • 28
          Legends says:

          Eric and Ernie shouldn’t be on that list.

        • 31
          The British media are cunts says:

          You should add Dr Fucking Who to that list and football.

          • C.O.Jones says:

            Dr Who, could never stand that pile of senseless crap.

          • Psyche the Dog says:

            Football definitely spot on, old cock. It beats me why drunken or semi drunken oafs, who call them selves sportsmen, can watch for 1/2 hours 22 little over paid men run about after a bag of wind for 11/2 hours, shouting their heads off. If they love football so much why don’t they play Sunday matches or mid week in the evenings. Football matches seem an excuse to get totally rat and beat some luckless soul up.

          • Anonymous says:

            Dr Who was excellent when it was about time travel. These days it’s a propaganda platform for Marxism and bumboys.

        • 38
          MIKE OXHARD says:

          Or
          I’ used to be a celebrity get me back on here
          Big brother
          or More repeats of only fools and horses , than all the combined bars of a large Spanish holiday resort

        • 41
          Dr Who is a Faggot says:

          Doctor Who used to be good until their Homosexual Mafia made it their own.

        • 79
          Goggle Box says:

          I agree with 6/7 of your list. Bake Off does actually contain some useful technical informtion for cooks.

          I would add, though, old episodes of Fawlty Towers and anything containing Graham Norton or Jonathan Ross

          • Wossy isn't funny at all says:

            Jonathan Ross!
            He’s not yet grown out of the wiping-my-poo-on-the-wall-look-at-me stage.
            Waste of space. A total waste of space.

          • Psyche the Dog says:

            It beats me why the clowns that watch him, think he is funny, I thought he he had been banned by the Beeb, after his stupid trick with that other unfunny guy.

        • 166
          Not so funny says:
      • 67
        Alan Chingachgook says:

        Thank God X fucktor is over. Seriously.. do any men at all watch that shit.
        I’d rather watch re-runs of Balls playing like a red goon faced schoolboy.

        • 397
          FFS says:

          No they don’t and the terrestrial TV companies know it.

          Once Sky bought up the fottie rights there as a huge exodus of men to Sky. This then formed a critical mass so that lots of other programming aimed at men also ended up on Sky. Pretty soon if you were any kind of man, and interested in TV at all, you were pushed towards getting a Sky subscription.

          This left relativelyt few men watching terrestrial TV. So the terrestrial TV comapnies simply gave up. The ITV had in any case worked out that is was the women doing all the spending so they aimed both the adverts and the TV programmes at them. The BBC more or less copied ITV, but at 4x the cost.

          The BBC and ITV is for women and poofs. And they know it.

      • 107
        Someone after an extreme Vindaloo binge says:

        Agreed.

    • 22
      Hacked Toff says:

      My phone was cacked.

    • 39
      There are only Foreign powers, friends and enemies come and go with the wind. says:

      Well I for one am glad that Dave is spying on the EU commissars and the countries of the EU.

      The BBC which has of late become the enemy of the British state has no cause to be shocked. What would be shocking, would be that we are not spying on them.

      • 43
        hv6rt says:

        If you discovered someone in the middle of tapping your phone line you would kick his teeth in regardless.

        • 53
          The Guard must not be dropped says:

          You digress. Dave’s job is to protect British interests with all the tools at his disposal. And make no mistake the unelected commissioners of the EU not acting on what is good for Britain and most often quite the opposite.

          I would not put it past the Eurocrats to try and introduce a law making it illegal for member states to spy on the Commission or other member states.

          The National interest must always come first. If the federalists on the European continent want to play “good Europeans”, then let them, but it must not involve Britain.

          • hv6rt says:

            Well NO, Adolf was acting in Germany’s interest. Thing is that moronic little flag wavers like you don’t understand the meaning of ethics, so can easily be made into Blockwarts who also need their teeth kicking in, or sent off to distant countries to kill people and make more enemies.

        • 396
          Anonymous says:
      • 86
        Taxpayer says:

        So does this mean that the government has found out where all the missing billions have gone from the EU accounts? If, so, it would be nice of them to let the taxpayers whose money it is know who’s got it.

        • 96
          Liberate the peoples of Europe - to hell with the EU says:

          Far better if they gave the money back to us, since it was stolen from us in the first place.

        • 308
          Psyche the Dog says:

          While they are about it they might as well look into where all that bank money disappeared to, I think Dithering Dave might baulk at that, the banker boys finance his party.

        • 443
          I think I see the problem here says:

          They would have to have an accepted audit signed off first which has never happened in 20 years

        • 531
          (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

          May I direct your gaze to a Southern European country where the people have guns and a fondness for spaghetti? THAT’S why you won’t be getting any signed-off accounts any time soon, sunshine!

      • 111
        The BBC causes severe mental illness says:

        The BBC is a counter-intelligence operation, ironically funded by the enemy.

    • 82
      I hate socialists. says:

      Especially Browns Nokia.

    • 223
      gchq says:

      when overstimulated.
      put nivea cream n tissue and stick it up your bum.
      suddenly the world is b l i
      s
      s

    • 325
      L N Ripley (believe it or not) says:

      The average sewer contains fewer vermin than any house in Westminster.

    • 480
      Cordon Brown says:

      my Christmas chipolatas are warming in my bum crack

  2. 4

    Good morning, campers!

    Are you all happy?

    • 6
      Denis MacShame says:

      Or Yes!!!!!!!

      • 153
        Christmas Cracker says:

        How do you reheat a pizza?
        You put it under a grilla.

        • 159
          Christmas Cracker says:

          Who said: I use to be Snow White but I drifted.
          Higella Lawless

        • 161
          Anonymous says:

          that might have been funny if it said -
          Q: How do you bake a pizza.
          A: You hand it to a Grillo sister.

        • 188
          Christmas Cracker says:

          What advertising agency wrote the slogan
          Kitchen labour isn’t working

          Starchy and Starchy

          • starchiandstarchi. says:

            when the starch is up the nose, over stimulated nerves again.
            close the ears.
            the world is literal.

            put a coating of fatti oil in.
            cotton wool leads to a silken experience.

    • 7
      Living in 98.221% white Merseyside says:

      Absolutely, especially as I look forward to another year of much of the same. All the usual old issues and no doubt many new ones. I honestly felt like topping myself when I awoke this morning.

      But then I remembered all the parcels that are due today from Amazon.

  3. 5
    Denis MacShame says:

    Yes!!!!!!!

    • 9
      Judge Led says:

      The vital sentencing question is Denis, are you of the craft?

      • 60
        Handycock whipping it out says:

        I can confirm Dennis is a Brother. This is what membership can do for you:

        http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/local/man-alleged-to-have-stalked-portsmouth-mp-appears-in-court-1-5762109

        The same 3 police officers who arrested Cummings are the very same three who lost the record of my recorded evidence in the sexual abuse case. It really pays to be a member of the Craft, you can get the police to stitch anyone up you want. Although Mr Cummings is disabled and can only move around in an electric wheelchair he is being prosecuted for stalking me, although I admit I have only seen him once in the last 12 months, Merry Christmas your right Worshipful Grand Master. Boaz.

      • 78
        Casual Observer 5 says:

        But even those in the craft must realize that there are some transgressions which should not be covered, lest their own credibility is reduced.

        An enlightened position on this occasion would be for some unrelated situation to become apparent which would undermine Handy’s credibility, see him out of public office, and then enable the prosecution to commence.

        It could be argued that the situation in Portsmouth perhaps weighed heavy on the decision to move certain operations to the Clyde, and Mordaunt’s silence on this is perhaps recognition that there are bigger wheels moving to see the broader Portsmouth problems dealt with decisively.

        • 205
          beehive says:

          IN THE EAR of the beehive

          inner space, middle space, outer space, it is all about the location. so bend the ear space and travel.
          now focus on the space.

        • 220
          Grand Master, Grand Lodge, Great Queen Street says:

          I can assure you that all brothers come under my protection especially dodgy politicians with perverted sexual habits, that is why they join in the first place. Why do you think Dennis and the 4 MPs reported in the Times last week were not prosecuted for fiddling their expenses? Why do you think no MP fingered under Operation Ore has been prosecuted? Tony was not only PM but also is a Royal Arch Mason of the 33rd degree. Boaz.

        • 304
          Toxic state says:

          There should be a no holds barred, special task force setup to smash once and for all the stranglehold these masonic freaks have over the establishment. They are pure poison.

          Something along the lines of the G-men in the 30s, used to smash organised crime and racketing in the US.

        • 307
          Portsmouth City Council is the most corrupt Council in the world says:

          Robert Mugabe, Goodluck Johnathan, Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, Ilya Alyev, Hugo Chavez’s Ghost, Pol Pot’s Ghost. You are talking rubbish Casual Observer 5. Handy has been our model and inspiration for years. Our countries have been designed around the Portsmouth model: the Brotherhood, Organised Crime, corrupt Officials, corrupt Police, a complete and utter fusion of the public sector, Organised Crime, the Authorities, all facilitated by a corrupt politician. Well done Handy. Boaz.

      • 316
        Psyche the Dog says:

        While they are about it they might as well look into where all that bank money disappeared to, I think Dithering Dave might baulk at that, the banker boys finance his party.

      • 321
        Psyche the Dog says:

        Maybe Dithering Dave and his little pal Gideon and all the cabinet plus of course Boris are in the craft, they are are really the ones the craft wants, loads a money types, still I think it still depends which lodge they belong to.

      • 359
        Blowing Whistles says:

        The Craft are ‘owned’ and have been for at least 150 years. ‘Owned’ yes and guess who owns their Rses well and truly?

        • 378
          Grand Master, Grand Lodge, Great Queen Street says:

          I don’t know what you are talking about. My predecessors ran this country, I now run it, my successors will run it after me. This is how it is, always has been and always will be. Everything else, party politics etc is just a pantomime to cover up what is really going on, and, not just in this country but in many other countries also. You have had a glimpse of what is really going on. Boaz.

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            I have had more than a glimpse – you pompous arrogant twat. Those who preach of faith, hope and charity yet practice and swear evil oaths of revenge – bring themselves into disrepute with their own very fork-tongued existence. Up yours Grandad Master.

  4. 10
    Burn Labour Burn says:

    So Greville Janner is “assisting” police with their inquiries but hasn’t been arrested. I wonder if other Labour politicians will also be assisting police soon. Those who were named in Operation Ore and protected by Tony Blair.

  5. 11
    Tristram Hunt says:

    How to waste foreign aid money – The Commentator:

    http://www.thecommentator.com/article/4467/how_to_waste_foreign_aid_money#.UrOcHebGUtE.twitter

    Hear! Hear !

    • 19
      We need a policy rethink says:

      The Global Fund is as bent as one of Milipede’s bananas. UK aid contributions should be strictly limited to natural disaster relief only – and I say that as somebody who was closely involved in overseas aid work for a few years.

      • 71
        Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Immigrants and Criminals says:

        Bankers from Geneva and Zurich say leave British Foreign Aid alone, it’s filling our vaults and we’re making our fortunes on it. the British people have always been stupid in thinking this money helps the needy.

    • 46
      hv6rt says:

      The Commentator is just another Hasbara site for glorifying the Stolen Land

      • 59
        Stop rewriting history says:

        Like Trending Central

        They spring up all over the place to try to provide a veneer of respectability

        • 332
          The Pope says:

          Stop referring to Syria as “the stolen land”. The French gave it up years ago.

          • hv6rt says:

            I am referring to “Israel”, Shlomo. It was stolen from the Palestinians, which is why millions of them now live in concentration camps.

          • FFS says:

            Got any paperwork demonstrating prior ownership?

            And don’t the Palestinians live in refugee camps because their friendly Arabic speaking, Mohammed following bretheren in Syria and Jordan won’t actually allow them to settle there even though they have been there since 1948????

            … and you thought the Israelis, with their constitution guaranteeting equality under the law for all their people, were the bad ones?????

          • (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

            Well said, FFS!

  6. 12
    Burn Labour Burn says:

    Can someone please tell Bercow that only he and he alone thinks his repeated use of “take up yoga” is funny. No one else thinks it’s amusing, but this sad pathetic man keeps saying that and other unfunny bollocks like “I’m worried about your health” and “It’s very simple. We’ll keep going as long as it takes”. He’s like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes while the audience boo.

  7. 13
    Jack Dromey says:

    I went to type “latest GDP figures in emerging markets” but accidentally typed “Bareback arse action with 15 inch black cocks in Ghetto Jizz 3″.

    • 48
      i don't n eed no doctor says:

      An easy mistake to make when you are a thick socialist scrounging fuckwit.

    • 66
      Self Employed says:

      Yeah going to be a Bkack Christmas at the Harman Household! Harperson will be choked as will Jackie be choking!!

      • 266
        bbc 4 my Jack ♥ says:

        Jack wants me to be his bitch
        Rather than his wicked witch.
        I’ve agreed, and for him bare my loins
        Jack pays with untraceable bitcoins.
        I like it, for no matter the weather
        Jack and I can come together.

  8. 14
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    A shining example to us all !

    £0 for you, £17,000 for me – university boss accepts pay rise days after telling staff there’s no cash

    http://union-news.co.uk/?p=29866

    • 97
      Taxpayer says:

      Sack him.

    • 110
      Money for old rope says:

      Nutbeam…. A quite appropriate name for this lefty tit.

      The staff and students should debag him and defenestrate him from the top floor window and then strike until he resigns in disgrace.

      • 133
        The Decline of British Institutions Watch says:

        I seem to remember there were a few mediocre names on the board at Southampton…

        Ah yes, Mr T P O’Brien, from the supremely shit London and Quadrant Housing trust being one of them. Any organisation he’s involved with usually turns out to be second-rate, with a greedy, self-serving cove at the helm.

  9. 18
    Dave fights to get Turkish immigrants says:

    The number of 16-24 year olds reportedly taking any illegal drugs has fallen from 30% to 15% in the last twelve years. Does this mean the ‘war on drugs’ has not been lost after all?

    • 20
      Needle marks says:

      No, it means the other 15% overdosed and killed themselves. All part of the plan…..

    • 51
      hv6rt says:

      It means that more are getting away with it because plodites are too busy snooping your phones for thought crimes against the state instead of out on the street preventing real crime.

    • 98
      A Hippy says:

      What does ‘reportedly’ mean?

    • 149
      Gold Commander says:

      I’m a soft touch when it comes to cupcakes.

    • 337
      FFS says:

      Basically it seems the kids realised that when middle-class cooks from the telly start doing the stuff it’s no longer “cool”.

      What I haven’t figured out is what they are doing instead….

  10. 21
    koba says:

    I suppose we are going to put all these foreign invaders from the continent in the new houses we are building for the natives’ children.

  11. 23
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    All downhill from here then :-) Shortest day folks.. if this is what Winter has to offer, I cant wait for Spring.

    • 25
      koba says:

      In may you will find out what people think about what you have done to your party.

      • 338
        Roma says:

        He not make it to May. In January he not have country. We have country instead.

        Merry Christmas from Roma.

        • 381
          Handycock Immigrant Trafficker says:

          Come to Portsmouth Roma, just remember to claim asylum so that my boys can house you. See you soon. Boaz.

  12. 24
    Polly Toynbee says:

    Just 11 days till we’re flooded with Romanians and Bulgarians! Embrace the richness! I won’t need to embrace it, as I live in a leafy, upper class all English suburb with not a single muslim or east european in sight. And if I’m ever in danger of crossing paths with one when I venture out to Central London for one of my media appearances, I just remind myself I can get away from the commoners by going to my villa in Tuscany.

    • 50
      i don't n eed no doctor says:

      Ever the optimist Toynbee.

    • 270
      George Foreman says:

      Can’t you put a grille over the end of the Channel Tunnel to keep out foreign bodies ?

      • 339
        Property Developer says:

        Many thanks lefties! Yet another money-making opportunity gifted to us capitalists thanks to socialism and the “law of unintended consequences”

        We will now be creating new gated communities. These gated communities will be based on the South African model – that is, those already IN the community will be allowed to keep OUT those they don’t like the look of, know what I mean?

        Keep your eye on the advert bar on the right for more news of these exciting developments as they appear.

  13. 26

    I beg to present a plea of mitigation in respect of Mr MacShane, Your Honour. Whilst this might take a while, we should be completed in plenty of time for luncheon. I shall be introducing a series of character witnesses but should beg first to point out that he spent 27 years as a political prisoner in an apartheid prison and yet proceeded to become South Africa’s first democratically elected President when the apartheid regime crumbled. Saint, er I mean Mr MacShane began his long walk to freedom from Robben Island and his true position as leader of a free and democratic South Africa and of course played the pivotal part in the dismantling of the Apartheid regime and the winning of the Ashes three series in a row.

    Your Grace, you will hear Ms Harridan Hamwitness tell the court that she has never known him to be duplicitous, financially greedy, or deceptive, nor has a transparent tissue of odious lies at any time streamed on and on from his disgusting, greedy, slavering lips

    You will hear from the former steelworker, Lord Dave “pass-me-that-rivet-next-to-the-bung” Crookman that Sir Denis is well liked and admired by leaders in politics throughout Europe and that he has given guidance to union leaders in South Africa on how to support political initiatives from their own garages to ensure the most efficient expenditure of public funds.

    Your Highness, never was any wrongly accused person more deserving of an absolute discharge than the bastion of liberty and fraternity, namely: His Excellency, Sheikh, El Hadj, The Earl of Basutoland and Jahbulon, Professor, Squadron Leader, Champion Gumster, Dennis MacShane, O.M. O.B.E. D.S.O.

  14. 32
    MIKE OXHARD says:

    Great article on sky news filming the poor people who have no food for christmas “I only have a loaf of bread and two tins of beans in my cupboard”
    put down to the changes in the benefit system

    Yes but she could afford to cover your fuckin big fat arms in tattoos ,and with you both being at home all day your house should be immaculate not the rubbish filled shithole you live in , is that also the fault of the benefit system

    merry christmas

    • 33
      Anonymous says:

      Add to this that

      1. She was grossly overweight

      2. She was walking round in a T shirt in the middle of winter – so the heating bill not a problem

      3. The Tax payer is paying the rent

      4. She had a mobile attached to her ear

      Poverty used to mean, nothing to eat, no heating, holes in shoes etc

      • 34
        MIKE OXHARD says:

        “Poverty used to mean”
        Homeless

        And as she’s on benefits
        there is no reason for her to have a mouth full of rotting stumps either

    • 55
      All socialists are hypocrites says:

      Turned up at local Sainsbury Superstore at 7.02am(the store opened at 7.00am)..firstly I had trouble finding a parking pace and then the store was packed, the shelves rapidly running out of items and all checkouts busy with people pushing trolleys stacked with food and booze(I couldn’t face going across to the M & S Store for 8am opening and its sale as the cars were queueing to get in the already full car park. Where was this..? Down South? In London ? No in the West Midlands in a supposedly deprived area where everyone is queing at food banks according to Labour and BBC…….AND Labour reckon there is nobody can afford to but food…it’s total and utter bollocks !!! We havent even got t the predicted busiest day yet Monday 23rd BUT according to Miliband and Labour nobody has any money……!!!!

      • 68
        M­a­q­bo­ul says:

        What does Miliband know about the price of eggs?

        • 105
          Ed Milibiscuit says:

          Free range organic duck eggs suitable for breaking to make a revolutionary omlette should not cost more than 8 pounds a half-dozen. I am calling for an immediate price freeze at that level.

          • FFS says:

            Due to Waitrose running out of genuine Parma ham in the Christmas rush, I had to visit my local food bank today to make an instant withdrawl.

      • 103
        Liam Byrne says:

        You mean there’s some money that I overlooked ? Hand it over at once via one of Labour’s many phoney charity organisations.

      • 106
        Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

        Why waste your time in traffic then jostling with tattooed chavs and old ladies nattering and blocking the aisles and queueing at the checkout with a load of screaming kids when you can order online from the comfort of your armchair and have it all delivered to your doorstep at a time that suits you.

        • 114
          All socialists are hypocrites says:

          Not if you want to guarantee what you ordered actually turns up as Sainsbury’s use a local store for their on line orders unlike Ocado so it may be showing as available when you order but when the order pickers go to get it off shelves it may be gone and they will give you an unacceptable alternative. They also don’t look at use by dates so you could get 6 pack yoghurts with an expiry of the day you get the order..much better to pick it yourself especially if you live nearby like I do and why pay £5 delivery charge. Usually you can just breeze in and out of the car park which is massive.There is also a ASDA Superstore next door which had the same problem this morning as well !!!

          • Burn Labour Burn says:

            I tend to avoid ASDA, as it’s mainly frequented by chavs, more chavs and even more chavs.

          • Shop Around says:

            I don’t care who the other customers are. I just hate the shop for treating everyone like cattle. They have a really nasty fake radio station blaring out shit music and the self-service checkouts are a slow, dreadful exerience. The bakery is crap.

          • ASDA over-weight customers says:

            Down our way every other customer and their children look over weight to obese. The worst ones have stretchy trousers and waddle. ASDA need to widen their isles.

            The PC social army from Doctors to social workers are not delivering their side of the health bargain. Work in progress, the world hopes!, on how to approach and apprehend these clients cuing up to die a slow death.

            So, at what point does the NHS announce rationing and will “Newsnight to UNITE” shout nasty nasty nasty.

            Up 1980 doubt if one of these people would have such a problem.

          • It's not quantity but quality says:

            The main reason they are fat and going to die of diabetes is because of the type of food they are eating – not the quantity or their social class.

            Eating wheat and processed foods is a recipe for self destruction.

            The kids are the give away.

            Sugar ? No.
            Lack of exercise ? A bit.
            Eating wheat products ? Yes.

            Their blood sugar levels and basic metabolism are repeatedly knocked out of whack by a combo of what is in modern wheat (GM), and artificial sweeteners. Smoking and alcohol can make the situation worse.

            If the chavs switched to eating same quantity but laid off the processed ready meals, bread products and made sure they got plenty of pineapple, coconut and seafood, they would lose weight quickly and perhaps be able to shake off the foggy feeling that dumbs them down and stops them from really motivating to improve their situation.

            They are mongs for a reason, and it is not completely their own fault.

          • Here Comes Fatty, He's A Sack O' Shit says:

            Of course and you could look this up and it has been demonstrably amplified, that some people are fat due to their genes. Some is born to fatness, some achieve fatness, and some has fatness thrust upon ‘em.

    • 57
      Milk Tokens R Us says:

      There is no reason other than stupidity and fraud why a person on benefits should be short of food.

      The obvious answer to combat stupidity and fraud is to give them tokens/credits that can only be exchanged for food and living essentials. The same goes for Child allowance which should only be spent on the child.

    • 92
      Doalite says:

      I can’t afford to feed my kids because I got a massive Wonga loan to pay for the kids new x-boxes. They won’t share, so they need one each and I have 10 kids.

      And I can’t get a job because no-one will employee me because I have a tattoo on my face, so I need the heating on all day.

      Fortunately the BBC keep telling me it’s all the Tories fault, so I can’t wait for Ed to be Prime Minister and I can go back to letting everyone else pay for me.

      • 139
        Alan Chingachgook says:

        I can see you have been massively let down and am positive that one of the main political parties in Britain will base all its policies on securing you support.
        I imagine you’re pretty good at shagging so carry on with that and after Christmas
        don’t forget to abandon that lethal Taiwanese fighting dog in your shit strewn local park to savage some confused OAP…you disgusting fucker.

  15. 35
    I Support Mass Immigration So I Can Feel Good About Myself says:

    So pleased to see that our village has acquired its first East European Big Issue seller this week. His pitch is outside the village Co-op, which seems a most appropriate place for him to stand. A fine addition to all the Africans, Asians, Iraqis, Poles and others who have appeared in the last year or two.

    • 37
      The BBC are cunts says:

      Celebrate the rich, multicultural diversity !

    • 42
      D says:

      Your village must adapt to the 21st century , so long as you don’t live in Whitney

    • 52
      Anonymous says:

      Drove through Chipping Norton the other day and stopped to pick up a sandwich and a copy of The Big Issue but couldn’t find any for sale

      Funny that !

    • 58
      When a village becomes a town says:

      Big village then if it has big issues.

    • 84
      Provide free ketamine on the NHS says:

      Are you sure it is not Flower Power in disguise?

    • 108
      The horror, the horror says:

      There are some villages in Oxfordshire that are so remote they don’t even have a gang of Romanians playing three card monty in front of the barbed wire shop yet.

    • 124
      The British media are cunts says:

      Actually the Poles are bloody good people, far more of them fought with us in WW2 than the Froggies and we still shafted the Poles at the end.

      Poland should have always been thought if as a Western country. It was wrong to allow so many in in one go but ?i’d happily take 1000 Polish people than one fucking Muslim.

      • 140
        non taxable pikey says:

        Agree completely. When moaning Chavs complain about them the answer from me is “They flew Spitfires and went in at Arnhem”. There are Poles in my area, all working, mainly on the land.

        • 284
          Some reality for the Pole lovers here says:

          They didn’t fight for Britain or ‘us’, they fought for Poland and had every reason to since their country was under German/Russian occupation.

          To put in into perspective several hundred thousand Britons and Irish died in France and Belgium in two world wars. In the First World War Britain was never seriously threatened with invasion let alone under occupation, yet nonetheless hundred of thousands of our people died, many more wounded.

          Do you think those countries owe us big time? Do we guilt trip them every time we want something from them or something to our advantage?

          Listen. Poles work hard here because they have something called an ‘economic incentive’. It’s the equivalent of Britons working hard in Saudi Arabia.

          • FFS says:

            And the ones that are coming over now had nothing to do with those that fought alongside the Brits.

            They are the children of the ones that happily stayed behind and colluded with the Nazis to shoot Jews in the back and take their property.

            Finally, our factory employs Poles because they work hard for not much money – for about 1 year. Then they lose interest. We have a regular turn around of Poles for whom the dream of working in a Western European factory will quickly turn to dust when they get a bit bored with it.

      • 150
        My mate's dad's a polak who fought with us in the war. says:

        Yep the Poles good hard working people.

      • 152
        Londoner says:

        I also have very favourable experiences with the Poles and yes, I know a stereotypical Polish builder – a plasterer who used to be my neighbour when he rented the flat next door. His wife is some kind of a clever-clogs computer analyst. They have had two kids since they came. They have bought a house not far away and we keep in touch as friends. They are a great asset to the community.

        That does not mean though, that it was not a mistake to allow so many in all at once. It is also not out of any personal xenophobia when I say the city is full to bursting and we need to stop allowing any more immigrants in and chuck the two million or so illegals already hereh out. London can’t take much more of this.

        • 345
          FFS says:

          Well all I can say is that you must have a much better class of Pole moving to your area than we have in Swindon!

          The Poles in Swindon are god-awful bunch of chavs that make even our home-grown chavs look classy.

          The worst are the Polish teenagers. They tend to go around in gangs mugging English primary school aged children.

      • 253
        chris says:

        Bang on. But our aick establishment prefers non christian and non europeans.

  16. 44
    Casual Observer 5 says:

    Am surprised Macshane hasn’t had a number tattooed on his risk, and staked his claim to being a survivor.

    That is the kind of filth he is.

    • 49
      Denis 'I'm a genuine Irishman' Macshane says:

      Brilliant idea. Thanks for that.

      • 64
        Casual Observer 5 says:

        Denis is about as Irish as the Pope. :-)

        He probably has some falsified pedigree documents to show he is related to the guy who first humped the blarney stone, which we paid for but was covered up by the CPS / Police in their investigation on grounds of sensitivity.

        But, an Irish Pope. Now there is an excellent idea.

    • 142
      non taxable pikey says:

      risk?

    • 277
      Dennis 'I'm an Honourable Man - Harriet Says So' Macshane says:

      Well, I’ve been down to the “Metal will Move in My Master’s Skin” tattoo and needle parlour, and had a number added to my forearm. I feel like a real victim now. I’ll be showing it to the judge on Monday… if I need to.

  17. 61
    Anonymous says:

    Will Blair and Campbell get the Chilcott report in their stocking on the 25th !

    Don’t hold your breath the establishment always protects itself

    • 87
      MI6 says:

      We will tell the truth if Chilcott is blocked

      • 119
        Burgers are bad for you says:

        It should be obvious to you lot by now that it has been – so why don’t you give us a nice New Year present and issue your version on 1 January (it will help to take our minds off all these new immigrants we are expecting).

  18. 62
    MIKE OXHARD says:

    Makes my fucking blood boil , ok McShame is a convicted crook , But what about that fat troughing fucker Jacqui Smith Smith who stole Three times as much off us by the second home scam , ok she lost her seat but probably makes more than ever appearing on every BBC programme going and Sky news can’t get enough of it either
    Then we have Margaret Moran who faked insanity to avoid prison , and they believed her
    Or even Udin ?

    why have the “bigger fish ” yet to fry ?

    • 75
      The Rules dear Boy. says:

      Because Smith made herself bombproof by acting within the rules and also checking on the record with officials that she was acting within the rules.

      MacShane on the other hand, got caught out because not only did he act outside the rules, the rule on parliamentary privilege was removed from the evidence against him.

      In brief, if Smith went down everyone would go down, while MacShane is all alone.

      Smith Clever. MacShane Thick.

      • 89
        Casual Observer 5 says:

        When living in a state of virtual anarchy, the rules don’t really matter.

        Perhaps Jacqui Smith’s case should be revisited in the frame that she committed major crimes against the community irrespective of her conduct after committing those crimes, and start again.

        Ditto for Moran, and the others who are publicly known to have been engaging in fraud against the general public.

      • 121
        Burgers are bad for you says:

        If Smith goes down, they all go down….. we live in hope.

    • 85
      Anonymous says:

      As I said above the establishment always protects itself

      * The phone hacking enquiry was stopped in 2007: by who? as there was plenty of evidence to go for a prosecution then

      * Not one banker is in jail

      * Who shredded Tony Blair’s expenses

      * Lord Reynard’s sexual exploits

      * Dr. David Kelly

      * Cash for honours

      * Falkirk vote rigging

      * at least 200 MPs should have be prosecuted for fraud

      * the list is almost endless – please feel free to add

  19. 70
    Benny Fitz-Clements says:

    :)

    • 104
      HEARDITALLSEENITALLBEFORE says:

      I was under the impression unemployment is down ,how can this be, they aren’t expecting a sudden influx of unemployables are they?

      • 112
        Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

        Bennies for 3 million Roma don’t come cheap.

        Not long now before the IMF arrive :-)

        • 200
          Laocoön says:

          It’s the stench of filthy lucre that attracts them.
          Tell the IMF to sod off – we don’t need them signing on as well.

  20. 73
    EU Funded Pro-EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP

  21. 76
    Anonymous says:

    Very dumb blond on the Sky Press review this morning; was very excited about Miliband’s latest bandwagon – banning crack cocaine gambling machines in the bookies.

    Michael Booker pointed out that he had previously accepted ~£100k from a betting company. She studiously ignored this point and also the fact that Miliband was part of the government that relaxed gambling laws and wanted to build a super casino in south manchester to solve the unemployment and poverty in the area

    Exactly how stupid do you have to be to be a left winger

    • 81
      Casual Observer 5 says:

      It would be a good idea to get rid of the lottery machines in shops as well.

      Local store – pop in to buy some bits, queue up for 10 mins if people ahead are buying a few cards. Seems that moron tax is popular, but why does it take so long for them to purchase ?

    • 91
      MI6 says:

      Empty Ed should start by banning cocaine from his Private Office

      He might then have a little credibility in these matters

    • 100
      Money for old rope says:

      How long is a piece of string?

    • 101
      HEARDITALLSEENITALLBEFORE says:

      If some bloody idiot is so stupid as to pour his money into a machine so what, why should any rational person give a rats arse.

      • 116
        Londoner says:

        Because the 2005 Gambling Act means there are now thirty + betting shops with these stupid machine in my neighbourhood where before we only had about 5 bookies. They are a magnet for crime, blight the community and the shops around around them, making it very hard for other businesses to want to invest nearby.

      • 117
        Anonymous says:

        Ditto Wonga etc. If you are stupid enough to take out one of their loans then you must live with the consequences

        Almost none of the pay day loans taken out are for food and utility bills they are normally taken out to purchase items people just can’t be bothered saving for.

        oh and by the way all the pay day loan firms were started up under labour and the spin was the Government was happy for them to operate as they would take the place of the loan sharks on the council estates

        This as usual with labour complete bollocks as the pay day loan companies will not touch the people who use loan sharks with a barge pole as (a) they are not in work and (b) don’t have ank accounst

        • 145
          Technomist says:

          Pay day loan companies will indeed touch the people who use loan sharks with a barge pole as (a) they will lend to people who are not in work and (b) will lend to people who don’t have bank accounts.

          In fact, there is some evidence that unlicensed loan sharks may be better people to do business than legal pay day loan companies if you are the kind of person who will be able to pay back the short term debt quickly enough to avoid ‘enforcement’.

          Mr Paul Leroy Ashman, a loanshark sentenced to community service and having his assets siezed at Snaresbrook Crown Court in 2010, only charged up to 213% APR for loans he made to residents of Waltham Forest. Oakam, a licensed high street payday lender, was charging 442% APR at the time.

        • 348
          FFS says:

          Bear in mind that a significant proportion of people are born with the intelligence of a walnut.

          I can accept that. I can even accept we might have to look after them in some way, probably in some kind of institution.

          What I can’t accept is that these morons get the same voting rights as Stephen bloody Hawking.

      • 122
        Burgers are bad for you says:

        Rational people don’t give a rat’s arse – the problem is that these machine feeding people are the people who expect rational people to keep forking out for the benefits.

        • 136
          Plymouth Rock Cake says:

          You are right in principle, of course.

          Sadly, how many rational people do you know? Even lots of quite sensible, well educated looking folk turn out to be complete fruitcakes once you find their intellectual blind-spots.

        • 180
          HEARDITALLSEENITALLBEFORE says:

          Point taken but you must agree there are people who it is very hard to feel sorry for.

          • Burgers are bad for you says:

            Yes, couldn’t agree more. But it would be nice if some corrective (and effective) action was taken against them.

    • 125
      The British media are cunts says:

      The latest Liebore bandwagon.

  22. 90
    Louise Mention says:

    Dear Dave.
    Thank you so much for all your support. I really admire everything you are doing to transform the U.K. into a thriving service economy, where no one needs to do any real work at all. The gay marriage legislation especially was a triumph for you.

    P.S. I’m getting a bit bored with life in the U.S. Can you get me back on the “A List” of 2015 Conner candidates?

    • 99
      Top marks for Louise says:

      M’ensche is doing just fine in the US.

      She should respect Coulter’s turf, keep tightening the screws on Piers M’oron, and perhaps write some good quality children’s books (with Christian values) or advocate some quality home-making skills.

      She is projecting the right sort of image of the UK, and seems to be contributing some very refreshing and insightful input.

  23. 115
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    The UK is the only G8 country, where the Red Cross is providing Emergency Food Aid, Just rejoice at that news.

    Vote Tory !

    Hear ! Hear !

    • 118
      Londoner says:

      That is utter tosh. The Red Cross have been supporting the illegal immigrants in Calais for years.

      • 144
        The new Messiah says:

        Things were so much better under Labour when we had a 7% recession.
        When the papers could get away with phone hacking as long as they supported Labour.
        When MPs could fiddle their expenses to their wallet’s content.
        When our soldiers would be made to go to Asian countries and get blown up for no benefit to this country.
        And whenever the crooks from Brussels asked us for money the answer was how much would you like.

        • 151
          Ed Millionaireband says:

          And when Labour wanted to find out something they just asked terrorists ever so nicely and didn’t get involved in any torture at all.

          To be continued.

    • 127
      The British media are cunts says:

      Yet millions of bone idle fuckers still want to come here. Odd that.

    • 132
      Iain Duncan Smith says:

      Tories in Weymouth, living in £300,000 houses begging for food, Oh Osborne what have you done to this once proud town.

      • 148
        Tony Blair says:

        Edukation, Edukation, Edukation.

        I never said anything about instilling morality and self-respect.

      • 162
        Living in 98.221% white Merseyside says:

        Weymouth seems to be going the way of Bournemouth. Is it popular with the Wrinklies to retire to? And presumably, like Bournemouth, full of asylum seekers from Somalia* and Merseyside!

    • 193
      Labour never overstates its case to a gullible BBC says:

      Total and utter SHITE !!!!

      • 349
        The Fonze says:

        If Labour folk don’t understand the phrase “jumping the shark” – they should look it up now and save themselves from any further embarrassment

  24. 120
    Grant Shapps says:

    Having problems in the Xmas Crowds? Simply dress up as a Hare Krishna, start singing badly and marvel at the path that opens before you.

    This does work and I should know because I’ve tried it.

  25. 128
    LITTLE ED REALLYBLAND says:

    I wisth you a merry Crithmath
    i wisth you a merry Crithmath
    i wisth you a merry Crithmath and a Labour new year

    • 351
      Ed Millbland says:

      Acthually, I don’t believe in Jesus at all. No not at all.

      I belief only in Marxth.

      I don’t beliefth in patriotithm, tradithion, religioth, the family unit, community or anything elth.

      I only believe in Marxth, just like all my buddieth at the Labour Partyth. All the west will be thwept away and replacethed with Marth.

      There.

  26. 130
    8 Out Of 10 Spaccas says:

    In a recent survey 99.999999841% of people said that surveys were total bollocks.

  27. 134
    Ric Holden CCHQ says:

    Quick, Dave, you personal ratings are in the toilet. Announce “something something Falklands something”. Disgraceful.

  28. 141
    Eric Pickles says:

    The scary moment when the toilet on a friend’s house won’t flush.

    • 146
      A Plumber Sucking Through His Teeth says:

      If the bog’s on the roof, there’s probably not enough pressure. I could fit you a pump, but it won’t come cheap this close to Christmas.

  29. 154
    Yes a sad Day says:
    • 185
      Alan Retentive says:

      ……I’m saddened to see a BBC report that is full of errors. This wouldn’t have been allowed when I worked there……

      This is well within the character allocation so why use poor written English when a few extra words would make it presentable?

      Is it because you’re lazy, or do you think it doesn’t matter?

      Well let me tell you something you foreign b*stard it f*cking well does matter we’ve had enough of your type coming over here not speaking the Queen’s English correctly and don’t go telling me I can’t speak Polish I don’t f*cking want to and furthermore I’m talking about you not me.

      Of course with a little thought your offering could have been both more pleasant to read whilst of similar length, for example:

      ….I’m saddened to see a such an error strewn BBC report, something not allowed whilst I worked there….

      I hope you find this helpful.

      Twitter with elegance, please, if space permits. And always try and get whilst in a time or two as it winds up the peasants.

    • 215
      Joss Taskin says:

      Sorry ? I thought your expenses claims were full of ‘errors’ ?

      • 219
        For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged says:

        Good Point.

        I hope the judge is as forgiving of MacShane’s “mistakes” as MacShane is of the BBC’s mistakes.

    • 287
      Can I park my car in your office says:

      Did you know Jimmy Savile when you worked there?

    • 352
      FFS says:

      “Sad to see BBC report so full of errors. Wouldn’t have been allowed when I worked there”

      Talk about brass neck!!!! This is the man that got sacked by the BBC for phoning in on his own phone-in show and calling Reginald Maudlin a crook, an action that resulted him being threatened with a law-suit.

      Still, maybe he’s right. What he did was much too big to be called an “error”.

  30. 155
    I've Never seen a Food Bank says:

    All this talk about the growth of Food Banks. I’ve not seen one yet, or at least not aware of having seen one. What do they look like, do they have signs, or are they need to know places with a secret knock?

    • 158
      R Mugabe says:

      You need to take a Labour Party card along with you to be let in.

      • 197
        Labour is about NOT working says:

        You can’t just turn up to a “food bank”…you have to have been recommended by either social services;local council etc. It also helps if you can repeat the phrase “Nasty Tories ! Nasty Tories ! Nasty Tories !”

        • 354
          West Yorkshire Food Bank PLC says:

          We now do online banking.

          To register, just provide us with three utility bills and a reference from your local Labour MP.

    • 160
      Living in 98.221% white Merseyside says:

      I can afford to buy my Xmas goodies on Amazon. Black Magic, Thorntons etc.
      They are out of stock of Newberry Fruits unfortunately and I never see them in the shops these days. They were always an essential part of the festive season.

    • 170
      Anon says:

      I need a foodbank pretty urgently. The fridge and both freezers a stuffed full of food, and the big green box in the garden (usually storage for garden furniture cushions) is full of food, too.

      If I had a food bank near me, I could deposit lots of the food there and collect it Christmas eve.

      • 317
        Stella says:

        I’m waiting until they start up beer banks.

        There’s thousands of people out there in need of a good drink, but can’t afford it. Will no one think of them this Christmas?

        • 356
          Absolutely Everybody likes "Free"! says:

          It’s almost tempting to start up a Beer Bank under Waterloo Bridge and see if there is any demand. Get BBC News down to do a report…….

  31. 157
    You heard it here folks. THE EURO IS NO LONGER IN DANGER. says:
    • 165
      City man says:

      Get the Tin Hats out – quick.

    • 169
      José Manuel Barroso says:

      Just to clarify; when we need lots of dosh to bail out the euro, we’ll just ask the useful idiot in Downing St to stump up the cash, as always.

      And, as always, he’s more than happy to oblige.

    • 174
      Gordon Brown. says:

      I abolished boom and bust.

    • 187
      HEARDITALLSEENITALLBEFORE says:

      This idiot has mastered the art of self delusion to an extent never before seen.
      The statement comes from the mouth of a man who presides over an organisation who’s accounts have not been cleared in over twenty years!

      • 201
        Liberate the peoples of Europe - to hell with the EU says:

        Barroso is certifiable but his accounts are not.

    • 204
      Casual Observer 5 says:

      The EU version of Gordon Brown’s : I’ve saved the world, and Chamberlain’s: Peace of our time, wrapped into one tweet.

      Does life insurance pay out in a time of war ?

      • 216
        Going Down says:
        • 230
          Casual Observer 5 says:

          And there we have the end of the economic argument for the UK to remain in the EU.

          The EU starting to impose trade tariffs on Ch!na was really the first decisive shot to be fired.

          Medium range surface to surface missiles capable of delivering low yield nukes are definitely worth going long on now.

          Oh – and blow the Chunnel.

          • Frank Drake says:

            Load up Chuka at the Dover end, light the blue touch paper and retire.

          • Now let me get this straight says:

            OK, so basically we were buying lots of stuff on the cheap from China, and now the EU have stepped in to apply trade tarriffs so that we now have to pay more to buy the same stuff?

            Is that the idea?

            Why don’t the uncompetitive EU just fuck off and we’ll go back to trading with China directly OK.

    • 229
      We wish you a merry UKIP and UKIP new year says:

      It isnt while the UK is quisling collaborator government is using our wealth to prop it up.

      But comrade reptile has form, he claimed the Euro area was getting better just before the 2nd Greek bailout.

  32. 167
    Never knew it happened says:

    Isn’t it time BBC televised London’s New Year’s Day Parade live on one of the TV channels paid for by the licence fee?

    • 172
      Anon says:

      Just tell the BBC that the New Year’s Day Parade is a big ethnic event, celebrating the rich cultural heritage of the ‘Muslim communiteh’, and the Beeb will be all over it like flies.

    • 184
      Sorry to repeat myself says:

      There is only 75 mins out of the total BBC TV output on Christmas Day which is of any interest to me.

      • 273
        Podiceps says:

        Let me guess. The Eddie Stobart Trucks and Trailers compilation, and the shipping forecast?

      • 360
        FFS says:

        I don’t have a TV anymore. What I do have is a laptop with a HD projector, unlimited broadband and a link to a website which has copies of just about every TV series I have ever heard of.

        So this Christmas I expect to spend watching every available episode of “24″ back-to-back with no adverts and no waiting, with the odd episode of South Park thrown in to lighten the mood.

        I also have a large crate of Stella from the local foodbank

    • 402
      Alan Chingachgook says:

      No

  33. 168
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Something missing from this BBC report…

    “Make sex abuse reporting compulsory.”

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-25463907

    • 177
      C.O.Jones says:

      “England’s Children’s Commissioner is calling for the law to be changed so teachers, social workers and doctors have to report any suspicions of child abuse.”

      Nothing about sex abuse in other areas, religious establishments, hospitals, BBC etc etc.

      It should be mandatory that any sexual abuse needs to be forwarded to the police.

    • 231
      Vicarious Liability says:

      That is already covered by legislation. Those who covered it up should be prosecuted forth with.

  34. 181
    Jingle bells says:

    In work poverty, thought Liebour had sorted that out with minimum pay laws, seems voting for Liebour and mass immigration is coming home to roost, vote Liebour and chase a job along with the millions of new immigrants, and welcome to being skint even if you have a job, if you have a spare penny you can give it to a charity to help pay for the £100,000 a year plus directors and charity company car users.

    • 274
      Pick litter for bennies says:

      Anyone who agrees with mass immigration,Lab/Lib and some Cons is the enemy of the working man but most working people can,t see the link that is LOW wages!.

  35. 183
    Ed Miliband and the bit that's missing says:

    I will freeze energy prices for two years and save you £ ?.

    • 186
      C.O.Jones says:

      Energy prices are going to have to go up just to cope with neglected infrastructure requirements. Forget about green energy taxes introduced under Labour, real costs of infrastructure neglect cannot be err … can I say it, neglected.

    • 361
      FFS says:

      Liar. You’re only going to freeze prices for 20 months.

  36. 189
    Margaret Moran says:

    OK, Denis, so this is what you do. Once the rent-a-shrink has written his report, you go into court on Monday morning with a teapot on your head and you tell the judge your name is Esmerelda and you feel very, very depressed. Don’t, whatever you do, say you’re suicidal, because they’ll section you as a suicide risk. Just stick to the script and you’ll get off the hook like I did.

    • 191
      Iris Robinson says:

      I agree. It worked well for me too. I even got to met the Queen when I recovered,

    • 364
      A Grillo girl says:

      Try this, it worked for me!

      Claim you have claustrophobia and keep passing out whenever you are in an enclosed space (you know, a bit like a prison cell might be….)

      They let me off! I mean honestly, I said to my sister it must be a miracle. We stole £650,000 and the jury didn’t even blink!

      • 455
        If I was a rich man... says:

        Neither did Charles or Nigella by the look of it!

        I think I might notice if even 65 pence went missing from my account.

  37. 192
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    25 years on, any chance of the truth being revealed about who perpetrated the bombing of Pan-Am 103 over Lockerbie?

    No, thought not!

    • 194
      Military Industrial Complex says:

      Who cares? It’s made us rich.

    • 196
      Chilcot ! Chilcot ! Chilcot ! says:

      Three years on, any chance of the truth being revealed about the illegal War in Iraq ? No, thought not !

      So NOTHING changes then.

      • 234
        Realpolitik says:

        Chilcot is easy to deal with.

        Assassinate Blair. Publish the report, obviously p!ssing on his grave in the process.

        When finished p!ssing, move on.

        Why this is not done is a real mystery.

  38. 195
    Pie Keys R Us says:

    11 days eengleesh.

  39. 198
    The police says:

    We’d just like to welcome all the incoming Romanian migrants and to reassure them that we’ll turn a blind eye to any trafficking and grooming activity.

    • 202
      Addendum says:

      Provided the filthy swine remember to pay their bungs on time.

      Welcome to Britain !

    • 218
      Dimmy Dave is the worst Prime Minister ever ! says:

      “Up to one in three Romanians arrested, figures show”

      http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/9896121/Up-to-one-in-three-Romanians-arrested-figures-show.html

      Sorry – remind me again how many Dimmy Dave is going to let into the UK..

      • 222
        Labour remarkably relaxed about mass immigration says:

        Sorry – remind me again WHO was responsible for allowing them to join in the first place and not vetoing membership ?? AND whilst we’re at it WHO encoraged mass immigration to rub the right’s nose in it and to supply cheap domestic help for their homes ??

        http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2527398/Cut-migration-Ill-block-Serbia-Albania-joining-EU-warns-Cameron.html

        • 228
          Dave wants to invite 75million Turks says:

          https://www.gov.uk/government/speeches/pms-speech-in-turkey

          “I am here to make the case for Turkey’s membership of the European Union and to fight for it.”

        • 243
          Dimmy Dave is the worst Prime Minister ever ! says:

          And WHO was it who said (only yesterday) “mass immigration from Eastern Europe was a colossal mistake”?

          Why! It was DIMMY DUMMY DAVE!

          And WHOOO is about to open the door to 29 million East Europeans?

          Why! It’s DIMMY DUMMY DAVE!

          Let’s see: 1 in 3 Romanians in the UK has been arrested by our police.. and.. DIMMY DAVE is opening the door to millions of them!

          Way to go, DIMMY DUMMY DAVE!

          • Leftie tosser spotter says:

            You don’t get the fact that Labour signed the treaty and fucked us forever.
            Dumb twat

          • Why are 90% of lawyers dishonest crooks? says:

            The Mentalist had already been voted out of power by the time he did that. His signature has no validity and is therefore void. Dave should just tear his copy of the document into a million little pieces and post them back to Barosso (without a stamp too!).

        • 300
          Liblabcon - you're all in it together says:

          It’s laughable watching the pathetic party tribalists trying to pass the buck and score cheap points.

          If the Tory scum had been in from 1997, just how much would have been different?

          We would still have had pointless wars. mindless mass immigration, a lunatic energy policy and treaty after treaty signing our freedoms away to the EU.

          You’re not called the liblabcon for nothing.

          • Why are 90% of lawyers dishonest crooks? says:

            Not sure I agree. I don’t think Dave would have gone quite so gaga over Dubya and his neo-con policies as Bliar did.

    • 236
      HEARDITALLSEENITALLBEFORE says:

      THEY ARE NOT ROMANIANS the romanians are the ones who are taking the prized opportunity to be rid of them.they are gyppos who have been issued with nice brand new passports for the purpose !

  40. 203
    Anonymous says:

    Harriet Harman was in court yesterday giving a charcater references for McShane.

    This is how deluded our political classes are, someone who was a lawyer for the PIE and once prepared a briefing note defending pornographic pictures of children so long as the child involved was not harmed giving a character reference to a congenital thief and liar

    • 212
      Ancient Seafarer says:

      Birds of a feather….

      When does the revolution start?

    • 221
      OMG says:
      • 224
        Harridan Harmanhater says:

        He’s just like my Jacqueline…..


        • 259
          Chuka Yormunnyaway says:

          What kind of twat wears his tie outside his jacket ?

          [I can't bear to be in the same room with this trash - get me out of here]

      • 370
        FFS says:

        “I have never known him to be duplicitous, financially greedy, or deceptive.”

        So bloody what? In what way is that a character refence???

        We actually KNOW for a FACT he was duplicitous, financially greedy and deceptive!

        A believable character reference might have been “Yes, he is a bit crooked, but he has personally saved over a thousand koala bears from wildfires”. Instead Harriet came up with “I have nothing sensible to say about his character, so instead I’ll dispute the basis of the entire case and his own admission and talk some bollox instead”

        I bet the judge was scratching his head over that one!

  41. 207
    A name which inclueds either david or cameron says:

    I want dennis skinner of the glorious labour party to become speaker.

    I post a lot of old toffy on this site because for some reason, I don’t really know why, I think the labour party are the good guys and the tories are bad.

    Some people might call me a useful idiot for coming on here everyday in the service of red ed milliband, balls, cooper, harperson, skid marks, watson, Mcshane, mcBroon, orange man and lot lots more who couldn’t give a flying fcuk for the great unwashed.

    • 371
      FFS says:

      They are both bad, but Labour throw in “sanctiminious and hypocritical” as well, which in my book makes them quite a bit worse.

  42. 209
    Mark Wouters says:

    Hello,
    The lockerbie plane bombing was carried out by British military intelligence(MI5)agents name JOHN KEITH ROOME, Gadaffi was blamed.
    SNOWDEN knows alot and its all true,i can confirm it all.

  43. 233
    We wish you a merry UKIP and UKIP new year says:

    I would just like to say that UKIP is now getting between 25 & 30% at elections.

    Have a rollicking good Christmas everyone because we can rest assured that UKIP is on course to exterminate the liblabcon, just rejoice at that news. And then wait until the summer of 2015 when a UKIP government is elected. No more man made global warming nonsense as UKIP simply cancels it, no more quango empires/fake charities for the liblabcon and their cronies to feed from.

    Bye Bye liblabcon.

    • 235
      Jimmy Savile, on behalf of the LIBLABCON says:

      It was fun whilst it lastest!

    • 248
      Blue Peter Goldfish says:

      If only.

    • 294
      Coach says:

      You need to up your game. You have an open goal in front of you and you keep missing.

    • 329
      Anonymous says:

      I hope the UKIP are taking serious measures to stop their party being infiltrated by the liblabcon, UAF and state security. Infiltrating and running non-approved parties into the ground seems to be a standard tactic of the British Establishment.

      Then there are the various financial vested interests who’ll try and hijack it.

      If we aren’t very careful, we’ll be watching the UKIP subverted into just another useless state party serving the interests of the ruling elites.

      • 374
        FFS says:

        I have a feeling that members of UAF et al will stick out like a sore thumb at the average UKIP meeting.

        Sadly, however, getting good results at local council elections is not quite the same as getting seats at Westminster. If only it was.

        • 420
          Nostra Damus says:

          If UKIP get say 30+% of the vote at the GE and yet still no MPs the revolution/civil war will start in earnest.

          • FFS says:

            Yeah, but they won’t, because a lot of people will crack under the pressure near a general election and vote for tweedle-dee or tweedle-dum.

            UKIP will do well to poll 15%. But it wouldn’t surprise me if they came third in the aggregate vote but don’t get any seats while the LibDems come 4th and walk away with a couple of dozen.

  44. 239
    Ric Holden CCHQ says:

    Cameron to veto admission of new EU members unless they accept tough new controls on their citizens moving to the UK,including voting Conservative.

    Hear ! Hear !

  45. 241
    retardEd Miliband says:

    I inthitht we only accthept immigrantth who will vote Labour.

    That ith what the latht Labour government did, and it ith what the nextht Labour government will do, ath well.

    Oh yeth.

  46. 249
    anon`us says:

    Distastetful Comment of the Week/ Month/ Year :

    Underpants telling Brillo why all gayers love watching football,….. its full of men.

    Watch the play, you imbecile.

  47. 256
    Tristram Hunt says:

    “Condiments of the seasoning to you all”

  48. 258
    non taxable pikey says:

    You think the IRA did the Grand Hotel properly. Should have sub-contracted these boys to do it.

    Just one truck load would have been enough.

  49. 260
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    I’m listening to James Blunt. No, YOU fuck off!…

  50. 264
    David Coleman says:

    (of a runner) “This man only has to open his legs to show you what a fine athlete he is”

  51. 265
    Klaus Henchmann says:

    Turned on Telegraph web-site.

    DAVID CAMERON DEAD !!!

    Two or Three seconds of sheer ecstasy.

    Then re-read…. David Coleman

  52. 267
    Cowmoonballs says:

    In a moment we hope to see the pole vault over the satellite.

  53. 276
    Field Marshall Abu Qatada says:

    This Is What Happens When You Shout ‘Allahu Akbar’ While Firing Mortars (Oldie but classic)

    http://patdollard.com/2013/12/merry-christmas-this-is-what-happens-when-you-shout-allah-akbar-while-firing-mortars/

  54. 281
    BOB coCROWch says:

    This petition should be banned. I mean don’t all you Tube travellers enjoy a good disruptive train strike ?

    http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/58230

  55. 282
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Errrr…Coleman’s gone too early!!!

    A genius. End of an era. Uncle David gone forever.

  56. 283
    Dick Scratcha says:

    Errrr…Coleman’s gone too early!!!

    A genius. End of an era. Uncle David gone forever.

  57. 285
    Delia@BBC says:

    It’s not too late to get the sprouts on from Xmas lunch.

  58. 290
    Carol Singer says:

    Some of us are disgusted by the huge differences in quality of life for people and cruelty towards marginalised groups. The last 3 years has seen produced foul propaganda, false statistics, retrospective law reform to enforce breeches of human rights, communist style labour schemes, destruction of the NHS and Education, sustained demonisation of public sector professionals in order to do so and decisions made for structural changes without a voice from citizens.

    Now they’re destroying the countryside with fracking, nuclear power stations and trendy trains with absolute contempt for the environment or Green initiatives.

    Nationalism and racism has never been so prevalent and the international community has been constantly insulted.

    The coalition are destroyers of human rights and international relations.

    Osborne has done nothing for growth. The national debt has doubled and he’s spending tax payers money on ideological reform, privatising public services and the state. His pathetic claims against ‘labours deficit’ and his own achievements are neither true or important

    • 293
      :( says:

      The first Xmas cracker joke of the year?

      • 430
        Dave wants to invite 75million Muslim Turks says:

        The pre-Christmas nuts have made an early appearance I see. All Labour did in government was to run up huge debts and encourage banks to take big risks and run up huge debts as well.

        “I would like to pay tribute to the contribution you and your company make to the prosperity of Britain,” Mr Brown told Lehman bankers in London’s Canary Wharf . “During its 150 year history, Lehman Brothers has always been an innovator, financing new ideas and inventions before many others even began to realize their potential.”

    • 295
      cheche says:

      YAWN

    • 296
      Coach says:

      Define ‘some’

    • 297
      Secure Unit 15, Ward 69. says:

      Yep, we should have left Gordon Brown and Ed Balls in charge of the economy.

      • 309
        Carol Singer says:

        Labour did not cause the financial crisis.

        Continued austerity will permanently embed economic losses to date, condemning millions of people to a reduced standard of living. Labour must start hammering home the message that that an economic crisis has been deliberately exploited – and indeed prolonged – by the right.

        Government needs to spend (money is cheap after all) to restore output. A society is a bit like a shark which must keep swimming forwards or die. We must constantly (and intelligently) invest for the future otherwise we won’t have one. This is the number one priority not a stupid obsession with budget deficits.

        While we’re at it, stop demonising the unemployed for something which is not their fault. Forcing people to participate in the rise in low-productivity, low-security, low-end jobs is not any way to create a prosperous society.

        The tories are offering us a race to the bottom under the banner of austerity. Offer us something better. It’s not hard

        And to number 296 – I’m not that kind of girl

        • 313
          no more boom we're busted says:

          “Labour did not cause the financial crisis.”

          Of course they did, they overspent and borrowed as per fucking usual.

          • OUT DAVE OUT DAVE OUT DAVE OUT says:

            And Tosser Dave failed to introduce any serious cuts to the bloated State expenditure to sort it all out. The cnut failed to win a majority when given a completely open goal by Gorgon. so what did the weakling do, he formed a coalition with the Sandalistas. Etc. Etc.

            Dave is the current problem. Dump the cnut now.

          • Casual Observer 5 says:

            You must be an ardent Labour supporter to not realize that if people dump Dave, Labour will carry the can for the complete collapse of the UK economy.

            As it is, seems like UKIP may be in the running for picking up that honor.

            At least Nigel can be trusted to start doing the right thing.

            Vote UKIP.

          • ukip.i.am.not says:

            Oh dear, do stop it. Yes, spending ran away but not beyond control until the underpinnings of the financial system were found to be corrupt and mismanaged by the private sector gangsters.

            When Gordon Brown is given the benefit of hindsight, his role in saving what remained of the financial system will be honoured by those with the courage to be objective.

            That is not to say that Labour is offering clarity of vision on economics now and it must, because of Osborne’s abject failure. Failure because we have nowhere near made up the losses induced by his austerity.

            Now go away and sit on top of the Christmas Tree

          • FFS says:

            50% of the national debt run up by Gordon Brown was due to spending on projects unfunded by taxation, such as the tax credit scheme.

            The other 50% was run up bailing out the banks starting with one of Labour’s favourite banks “Northern Cock” (you know, the one that was always giving bungs to, well Labour) and a plethora of other banks that found themselves having to shift 3x as many loans to survive Gordon’s low-interest rate “over-stimulate the economy just like in the Great Depression because although I’m a histrian I don’t seem to have ever fecking learned anything” neo-endogenous “that’s a nasty growth you’ve got there” plan if you dare call it a plan.

            This bullshit your are spouting might go down well with the economic illiterates amongst you Labour activists but even most Blairites have realised that Brown commited a monumental fuck-up which is why the silly old fart has not been seen for three years.

          • Doctor Mick says:

            The truth is that the country would have been better off after 10 years of economic management by the Grillo Sisters than by Brown and Balls.

          • Why are 90% of lawyers dishonest crooks? says:

            Any idea what happened to my pension mate? I was told that some one-eyed Scotch loony stole it.

        • 326
          Labour's supporters are worthless retarded subhuman filth says:

          “The national debt has doubled”

          And then you whine..

          “Government needs to spend (money is cheap after all)”

          So.. you want government to spend borrowed money, but you also whine that the government’s borrowing too much.

          You are a worthless Lefty retard and you need to boil your head.

          Seriously. Kill yourself. You serve no purpose.

          Die.

        • 364
          Fabians are Evil says:

          “I’m not that kind of girl” you say, I say that your flawed logic makes you thick enough to be Labour voting girl. Austerity just means we are trying to match our expenditure to our income, if that means we have to reduce our standard of living to what we can afford so be it.

          As to your comments that we should “stop demonising the unemployed for something which is not their fault” sorry old gal but it IS their fault. Poor life choices are the main drivers of poverty and or unemployment.

    • 302
      penny dreadful says:

      Put more socialists like Paul Flowers in charge of the banks, and we’ll soon get this sorted.

    • 305
      Southern Softy says:

      OK love – I surrender. Now get your knickers off.

  59. 303
    mental cripple says:

    put more socialists like The Rev Flowers in charge of the banks, and we’ll soon get this sorted.

  60. 306
    nellnewman says:

    All Labour has to do to win the election is to put billboards up of the Tories laughing at the poor being forced to use Food banks, And they will walk the election

    • 312
      lefty woodentop says:

      Yep, we’re marching these poor, emaciated and starving families down to their nearest food bank, and forcing them at gunpoint to eat processed food crap. Many of them haven’t even got any shoes on their feet in this bitter cold weather.

    • 315
      Southern Softy says:

      Don’t delude yourself wanker. Most people don’t give a fuck. At the moment they are fighting each other to get at bargains in the pre Christmas sales.

      • 324
        no more boom we're busted says:

        I hear smartphones and tablets are going a bomb this year. How about a smartphone and flatscreen TV bank for next year? A sure fire winner IMHO.

    • 323
      Alfie Asbo, typical Labour supporter, says:

      Im forsed to use a foodbank cos i spended all me benny money on baccy, booze an’ peeza.

    • 330
      The horror, the horror says:

      There are entire council estates in the North where not a single kindle has a download of the complete works of Shakespeare on it.

    • 377
      FFS says:

      Sorry, how much money are we spending on welfare?

      And we still have people needing food banks?

      OK – SO WHERE EXACTLY IS ALL THE BLOODY MONEY GOING THEN?????

      Suggest we stop welfare completely because there is obviously significant corruption going on and it isn’t reaching the right people. Leave it to the foodbank folk to sort it all out. I’m all for it.

      Job Done.

      • 390
        The Common Purpose stooge soon to be booted out of no. 10 says:

        I had a big wadge of your money ear-marked for foreign aid but I soon discovered that the world and his bum-chum wanted to get in on the act and take their cut.
        Then I came up with this whizzo idea of bringing all those foreign johnnies over here – cuts out most of the middle men and leaves even more for me and my chums.
        I still piss your money up the wall on foreign aid, of course – got to keep up appearances, what ?

  61. 327
    Anon. says:
    • 335
      Freedom says:

      You don’t understand Jim. David Cameron wants access to the internet to be blocked. He wants the government to be in the business of picking and choosing who sees what. He will ‘allow’ children to see such and such a site and you will applaud. Mug.

    • 336
      Dimmy Dave is the worst Prime Minister ever ! says:

      Unintended but entirely predictable.

    • 341
      Kim Il-Cameron says:

      David Cameron wants access to the internet to be blocked. He wants the government to be in the business of picking and choosing who sees what. He will ‘allow’ adults to see such and such a site and eventually they will not dare to to stop applauding.

    • 344
      Casual Observer 5 says:

      Funny how all the lefty sites are being hit by the porn block.

      Wait until ukip.org gets the treatment.

      Vote UKIP.

  62. 355
    Owen Jokes says:
    • 363
      Pick litter for bennies says:

      She also had tattoos on her arms(on her body/-yeeek lets not go there)AT £50-£100 a pop.

    • 405
      Alan Chingachgook says:

      Fat fuckers on benefits echo arguments on global warming.
      They’re very hungry, so they’re fat. It’s very warm, so the temperature drops.
      Not bad reasoning after a few tumblers of sherry.
      Nigel Owens had an appalling day at the office. Say sorry Nige.

  63. 358
    ukip.i.am.not says:

    In the real world people shout ”BOLLOCKS” at the TV when told the economy is improving and unemployment is down..

    • 372
      Pick litter for bennies says:

      Get down to the Job Centre and tell me there are NO jobs-there will be but crappy ones.This is a direct consequence of mass immigration-if you don,t want the job a poor? EURO immigrant looking at the minimum wage will think “this IS the promised land”.

    • 379
      FFS says:

      Their own economy would be improving if they didn’t have to pay the BBC telly-tax. Then they could shout bollox at the telly and get £150 off.

    • 383
      Dimmy Dave's Roma Apocalypse says:

      We shout “yippee” and flood into the county to take jobs from British workers!

      And to nick your wallets at cash machines.

      • 393
        A waiting Roma says:

        A “dzhob”? Wat is zat? “Benniz” I unerstan.

      • 400
        Roma says:

        You crazy. Job last thing on mind.

        You like my daughter? She long shiny black hair, no?

        You fuck her in ass – included in price. I try – is very tight.

  64. 380
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:

    Attaboy, Cleggy ! :)

    • 389
      Fantasy Football League says:

      Dutchman provokes retaliation by British.

      • 391
        The Clegg philosophy says:

        Throw stones in greenhouses, then burn them down to hide the evidence.

        • 395
          Ken Clarke says:

          Nick, what exactly did you have to do to be given that plum job at the taxpayers’ expense by Leon Brittan?

        • 421
          Nostra Damus says:

          Dave should call this Dutch prick’s bluff.

          Go and see HM and tell her to dissolve this joke of a Parliament.

          Bring forward the GE to early next year and then we’ll take our chances with whoever wins. At the very least the Libdemshytes will be completely out of the picture. Since day 1 all they have done is obstruct everything Dave has been trying to do to put the country back on its feet.

          They need to go now.

          • Anders Breivik says:

            Just shoot them. Shoot them all.

            It’s like a cancer. The only way to cure yourself is to destroy each cell.

    • 438
      Coalition High Jinks !! says:

  65. 388
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Go to bed with the thought that Chilcot will not let the people of the UK down. Chilcot won’t succumb to establishment interests, rest assured.

  66. 394
    Break out the Sun Loungers says:

    That’s the shortest day over then, Spring here we come.

  67. 398
    Time for a one way Ticket says:
    • 399
      CIA London PsyOps Bureau says:

      Thanks again Anjem. Getting all those reminders about the evils of Islam into the press just in time for Christmas is a great help. Spread fear and anger. That’s the way to keep our budget secure and lots of us over here in one of the cushiest postings in the world.

      Well worth the usual cheque in the post.

      • 428
        Dave wants to invite 75million Muslim Turks says:

        I get the feeling he doesn’t quite understand that if Muslims didn’t chop people’s heads off and blow them to bits then maybe there would be no need to torture Muslim terrorists.

    • 401
      Sleb Obsessed says:

      Are you related to that Asian comedian that uses the catchphrase “What’s happnin white people?”

      ‘cos you sure say fsoem funny things.

    • 403
      The Pope says:

      Every time this pillock opens his big fat gob to say something stupid to excuse the kind of amoral person that thinks public decapitation is the will of God, we get a million Muslims who wake up and convert to Christianity.

      He’s the gift that keeps on giving.

      • 423
        Nostra Damus says:

        Oh no! They can’t do that. They get their heads chopped off if they even begin to think about it. They would be much better employed getting rid of lunatics like Choudary who is one of the ones causing them all the aggro.

        • 495
          The Pope says:

          You seem to be under the mistaken impression that it is somehow “better” to be within a violent and opressive religion that uses regular extreme force to ensure submission than to escape it?

          Don’t you worry mate, we know how to look after our converts.

          I bet your local church has had dozens of them. We don’t generally make a song and dance about it. Just like to keep the door open and be welcoming. Softly softly catchee monkee.

          We’re converting Muslims all over the world faster than they can make new ones. It’s all over for Islam, and they know it. That’s why they are getting so damn stroppy.

    • 437
      kmc says:

      Interesting choice of words: “the British torture..” rather than “we torture”. So he doesn’t regard himself as British.

      Time for him to surrender his British passport and entitlement to benefits.

  68. 407
    Jingle bells says:

    Seems strange Liebour crap advertising food banks all over the land and traders are expecting billions to be spent by people in the next 4 days, surely some mistake, I thought everybody in Britain apart from MPs and bankers were poor, somebody is lieing..

    • 424
      Nostra Damus says:

      Free food is free food – and I am always in the market for free food!

      • 426
        Non taxable pikey says:

        You are Eric Pickles and I claim my £5 prize.

      • 435
        kmc says:

        I paid nearly £60 for our turkey from Sainsbury’s – are you saying I could have got one free of charge from a food bank? :-(

        PS: do food banks do wine and beer, too?

    • 440
      Labour never overstates its case to a gullible BBC says:

      Nobody told the public though

    • 445
      Labour never overstates its case to a gullible BBC says:

      The Trussell Trust predicts that almost 1 million people in UK(population 63.23 million)will be reliant on Food Banks in 2014 which is just over one and half per cent of population somewhat short of Labour’s predictions that te majority of the population rely on food banks …a claim keenly repeated on every occasion by the Labour Propanganda Unit aka BBC.

      The fact is that ffo banks are not a new phenomena and were prevalent in the so called boom years of Labour 1997 -2010 but strangely like most things the Labour Party/Politicians/BBC seem to have selective memory loss…

      • 463
        Georgie Osborne's Blue and White Army says:

        There is no place for Food Banks in an economically successful and expanding economy.

        We are to ban them.

        • 469
          just asking says:

          If people on benefits don’t spend the money they’re given on essentials like food, what do they spend it on?

          • Family Credit is the new Slave Labour says:

            Benefits will be for a fixed term of 12 months maximum.

            Benefits should not be viewed as an alternative lifestyle.

            Benefits should be a short term safety net for people to fend for themselves.

          • FFS says:

            One of the things that Labour did was get rid of the concept of special benefits for those that have been in work based on paying in National Insurance.

            They wanted to blur the distinction between the “Deserving” poor (those that have actually made a significant contribution to the UK and have just fallen temporarily onto hard times) and the “Undeserving” poor (those that are just useless layabouts with no intention of ever doing any work).

            This was supposed to make us feel more comfortable about paying benefits to the “undeserving” but in practice it has had the opposite effect – the nation now no longer cares if you are desrving or not, nobody in work wants to pay for those sitting on their asses all day.

      • 484
        kor says:

        what is the difference between a food bank and receiving free money on benefits

        food banks are more effecient

        stop benefit payents and just home, clothe and feed those. not willing to work

        Don’t talk about dignity, i hae no dignity not having a day off work this year so I can pay my bills

  69. 411
    The Galloping Traitor in no. 10 says:

    Hello gaymates.

    
    

    I know how grateful you must be that I’ve taken the bull by the dangly bits and protected you from all the filth that’s out there on the interweb thingy. Now you can spend more time watching good wholesome stuffing from the Big Black Cockeration (or the BBC, as we texting experts like to call it).
    There’s no need to thank me right now, but I know I can count on your support come polling day and that you’ll show me how much you love me in the traditional way.
    Get ready to adopt the position and keep those tight little sphincters well lubed.

    
    

    Tally ho !

  70. 433
    albacore says:

    Ooh yer! What with all these Transylvanian arrivals
    There ain’t much chance left now of any British survivals
    For decades our Parliament’s been doing its very best
    To get the British in Britain outnumbered by the rest
    Yet, never slumbering in deploying treacherous tricks
    Now it’s adding vampire-land and the un-dead to the mix
    So, given you’ll never get to vote on immigration
    Add garlic and holy water to your medication

  71. 434
    Is that it, is that the convincing reasons for all this green shit costing billions? What bollocks says:

    Is climate change caused by human activity?

    Climate researchers are always evaluating new evidence to see if there are any other possible causes for climate change.

    Is the extra CO2 from natural causes?

    It’s true that there’s a natural carbon cycle. This involves CO2 getting into the atmosphere from a variety of sources including volcanoes and animals breathing, it is then absorbed by trees, plants, rocks and the oceans. This cycle has been delicately balanced for thousands of years, but human influence has offset that balance to send the levels of CO2 rising.

    What about volcanoes?

    Erupting volcanoes can have a significant effect on our climate. They emit large amounts of ‘aerosols’ (suspended dust particles, which reflect the sun’s energy back into space) but even they haven’t put out nearly as much CO2 as humans over the past century.

    Isn’t it just a natural temperature cycle?

    There is natural variability in Earth’s climate but the current climate change is very unusual as it is not exclusively part of a natural cycle.

    Natural factors include aerosols and phenomena such as El Niño and La Niña (which cause warming and cooling of the Pacific Ocean surface). Natural climate variations can lead to periods with little or no warming, both globally and regionally, and other periods with very rapid warming. However, there is an underlying trend of warming that is almost certainly caused by man’s activities.

    Last updated: 1 October 2013

    http://www.metoffice.gov.uk/climate-guide/climate-change/why/causes

    • 459
      Green policies are going to kill 30,000 people this winter says:

      I tell you this is culpable homicide.

      Whenever you meet a green spouting person make sure you get his or her name and address.

  72. 436
    Cukks yer money too busy with food banks obviously says:

    One of Labour’s rising stars was last night accused of thwarting a mission to save the British doctor who died in a Syrian jail.
    The grieving family of Dr Abbas Khan, 31, claimed that Chuka Umunna – Dr Khan’s MP – told a delegation not to travel to Damascus to lobby for his release.
    Last night Streatham MP Umunna released a statement in which he insisted that he had done everything in his power to help Dr Khan.

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2527752/Labour-star-foiled-bid-save-Syrian-doctor-Familys-fury-Chuka-Umunnas-failure-act-secure-release-martyr.html#ixzz2oBx1eUQM
    Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

    • 491
      Chukka Yamunna says:

      And what did I have in my power to help Dr Khan?

      Nothing.

      So I did nothing.

      But don’t tell the family that because I think they may be Islamic extremists. Scary.

  73. 444
    less is more says:

    I see another English cricketer has gone running home to mummy. It really does look bad. I blame the immigration and the loss of National Identity. At one time there would have been no surrender, the weak would remain to clean boots, make tea and bolster team morale

    • 446
      Sir Henry Newbolt says:

      There is a decided decline in the tone and moral fibre of the country since my day

      • 451
        Dave wants to invite 75million Muslim Turks says:

        Health and safety officers have decided that the cricket ball is far too dangerous to be used in the game and so it will be replaced by a balloon with a warning sign printed in bold letters in case it bursts and causes mass panic.

  74. 448
    Dave wants to invite 75million Muslim Turks says:

    Nick Clegg, the inescapable fact is that if you invite millions of poor people to this country you are going to need a hell of a lot more food banks. You are going to need a lot more gas, electric, water supply as well. But then you can always blame the energy and water companies when the costs (on top of the green energy poll taxes) soar.

    Some people really are so gullible they will believe what you say is right.

    • 452
      less is more says:

      with current agricultural practices my guess is that the UK land and seas can support around 10 million people.

      • 458
        100% UNION JACK says:

        I think Clegg has just woken up to the fact that his misses will be out of her job soon

        • 474
          Baldrick's burger bar says:

          … as will he too with a bit of sense from some north of England voters. Let us hope we see the back of both of the permanently.

        • 511
          Déjà vu......I think this is where we came in isn't it ?? says:

          I think Clegg has just signed his and the LibDems political suicide note by his article in to-day’s Sunday Times…all things point towards the LibDems being almost wiped out in next year’s European Elections

      • 528
        FFS says:

        I’m not sure how Clegg squares his greenness with the desire to move the entire population of the third world to this small island, when it already needs to import 40% of its food.

        Oh, I forgot. Cadging votes trumps logic every time.

        What a little 5th column spunk bubble he is.

  75. 449
    Ric Holden CCHQ says:

    Prime Minister David Cameron “I think the next election is Labour’s to lose”

  76. 450
    Anonymous says:

    The ethnic cleansing of the British is going jolly well:

    “Almost nine in 10 babies born in parts of Britain have at least one foreign-born parent, official figures have revealed for the first time. ”
    Shocking replacement continues

    • 483
      Traitor Dave says:

      All down to the LibLabConners like me.

      Poodle Tit.

    • 490
      Nick Clegg says:

      The British people are tolerant and believe strongly that mass immigration is a good thing.

      The fact that as soon as any foreigners turn up they immediately piss off to another corner of the island to escape them should not be construed as evidence that they can’t stand the sight of immigrants.

  77. 456
    Pedro from Barcelona says:

    Why don’t you English give us all a break and fuck off out of the EU?

    All you ever do is whinge and sulk. You have no vision and do not really want the EU project to succeed.

    If you go now the EU will lose 65 M people isolated on an island but there will still be over 500M and if we add Turkey you will soon be replaced.

    When you do go please make sure you take all your ex pats with you. Half of them it seems are wanted criminals and the other half never stop bleating about deflated house prices.

    • 461
      I've got something in my pocket for you... says:

      That’ll be our fucking pleasure sunshine.

      Go ahead and rot in your shit filled continent full of bone idle lefties and fascists.

      Leave us the fuck alone.

      • 464
        Georgie Osborne's Blue and White Army says:

        Off we go.

        • 468
          Klaus from Austria says:

          I do so like driving my little BMW Mini Cooper which was built in your lovely little village of Oxfordshire.

          If you leave the EU thus will be missed. However BMW is a German company so I would hope they would be able to do something within the EU mainland so that we will not lose out here.

    • 466
      Pedallo 4 Pedro says:

      Hey Pedro.

      It was exactly the same before we joined the common market. There were no problems moving through Europe and exactly the same problems settling in Europe. As far as mobility into Europe is concerned there has been no difference for the English.

      What has changed Pedro is that 90 percent of our English laws are now made in Brussels and that is madness.

      So yes we will leave the EU, become prosperous and still use continental Europe as our playground. Enjoy your new found recession under Barroso and Rompuy.

      Bye Bye.

      • 472
        Manuel from Porto says:

        No you come here amigo, round up your own scrounging tax dodging countrymen and take them back.

        We want barriers to keep you out because it is you who are the problem to EU integration.

        • 475
          OK by us Pedro says:

          Good.

          WE DO NOT WANT TO BE IN A FEDERAL EUROPE.

        • 476
          I've got something in my pocket for you... says:

          If you lot paid your fucking taxes you wouldn’t be in such a state now.

          Wankers..!

        • 478
          Dave wants to invite 75million Muslim Turks says:

          We should stop British tourists taking our money to tin-pot begging countries like Portugal and Spain and spending the money in the UK instead. True a lot of them will then want to flee mass poverty to the UK, just as many East Europeans tried to escape from behind the Iron curtain under the yoke of another socialist empire, but we are an island and should be able to stop all these beggars.

    • 477
      Baldrick's burger bar says:

      Hey Pedro, will you please do us all a huge favour and copy your splendid letter to the British Prime Minister, 10 Downing Street, London SW1.

      PS: How’s the fishing these days?

      • 481
        Dave wants to invite 75million Muslim Turks says:

        A pound to a penny Pedro and Manuel have never been south of Nottinghill.

    • 527
      FFS says:

      Oh come on. If you were really from Barcelona you would know damn well that the Spanish were getting the Brits and the German to live in their country long before Maastricht.

      The Canary Island holiday and retirement trade was more-or-less invented by the British back in the 70s.

      Spain and Portugal are getting considerably more money from British pensioners and holidaymakers than they will ever get from the EU, which is no focussed on East Europe anyway.

  78. 470
    Labour says:

    We won’t be holding a referendum.

    • 479
      Dave wants to invite 75million Muslim Turks says:

      We will and I can tell you the result now if you don’t want to wait.

  79. 482
    Joe Public II says:

    WTF are you still doing in a coalition with the immigrant loving LibDumps?

    What, it’s because you agree with them?

    The U.K. is full. It’s a small island and we don’t want any more scrounging fuckers here. We’ve got enough already with all the LibLabConners.

  80. 485
    All the dead and Injured Squaddies says:

    Dave. You know how you were all compassionate and caring at P.M.Q.s, and were always going to remember each of us?

    Just how many of our names can you remember now?

    You are a lying bastard.

  81. 486
    Nick Clogg says:

    I hate this fucking country. I’ll do anything and say anything to make sure I get a nice EU sinecure in 2015.

    • 500
      Scum says:

      Can you imagine any other ethnic group on the planet other than passive Eloi western Europeans, putting up with someone like Quisling Clegg?

      A foreigner dedicated to the ethnic destruction of the native population through the weapon of mass immigration, he wouldn’t last two minutes in Russia, Japan, China or India.

      • 526
        FFS says:

        He wouldn’t be quite so keen if we had a constitution that said immigrants were not allowed to vote until the next generation.

        • 533
          Matilda says:

          .. and all immigrants are forbidden to stand for parliament. May be some allowance could be made for fourth generation onwards when they have learned a bit about our ways.

  82. 493
    Pie Keys R Us says:

    I need a list of the best cash machines around Westminster so I can book my place.

  83. 494
    El Gordo McMental says:

    I am so loved that the Spanish named their lottery after me.

  84. 496
    F Nick Cleansing says:

    Going well.

  85. 497
    A. Lansley says:

    Has anyone got a list of hotels I can use for my expenses ?

    • 507
      McShameless foreigner says:

      Just pretend you stayed in your garage, and invoice that. It worked for me till they found out, and Mrs Dromey’s other half will always lie for you in court if you get found out cheating the people your supposed to be helping.

  86. 499
    One child abusing eacher may be careless but six of them ???? says:

    Nick Cleggs old School appears to be institutionally p****phillic

    • 505
      Nikkie Smegg says:

      You’re going to have diversity, no matter how many Rochdales, Rotherhams or Burnleys it takes.

    • 517
      Blowing Whistles says:

      And LJ Scott Baker appears in the backgound of it all – does he know what a conflict of interest is when he is wearing many different hats himself? LJ S B is ‘owned’.

  87. 501
    UKIP or bust says:

    So, what would you do if after queing at a checkout a teller with a dark ages mind set refused to handle your wine or bacon?

    Me I’d leave the stuff there and never shop at any of their stores again.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/retailandconsumer/10532782/Muslim-staff-at-Marks-and-Spencer-can-refuse-to-sell-alcohol-and-pork.html

  88. 502
    • 508
      Tit 4 Tat says:

      Can Christian staff refuse to sell on Sundays?

    • 512
      less is more says:

      Cool. if they won’t take the money then walk out with the goods.

    • 513
      Hit 'em where it hurts says:

      Another store to boycott then.

    • 514
      What a stupid thing to do says:

      Time to give Marks and Sparks a miss then.

      The Muslim staff don’t object to working for a J3wish firm that raises money for Israel then?

    • 525
      FFS says:

      They have missed out part of the sentence. It says:

      “Muslim staff at Marks and Spencer can refuse to sell alcohol and pork, but they will be the first out the feckin door when they have to make staff cut-backs”

      I’m boycotting immigrants in retail anyway. I saw an old dear do this in my local Boots store and now I’m doing the same. If I find myself at a counter with an immigrant at the till I just say “immigrant?” and dump my stuff on the counter and walk right out.

      I no longer care if, as individuals, they happen to be nice people. I am not cooperating. If I see an Eastern European couple jabbering away in their own language I just say “For fecks sake get out of my feckin way”. Nothing racist or xenophobic, just very unpleasant.

  89. 503
    How the world works says:

    So is it the plan to bugger and abuse young boys whilst at public schools so they can blackmail and control them when they are placed in positions of power ?

  90. 506
    Why do Rebels who go off to war expect others to rescue them? says:
    • 519
      JadedJean says:

      “Why do Rebels who go off to war expect others to rescue them?”

      He did not go there to fight. He went there on humanitarian grounds as a Doctor. He would have been expected to have treated the wounded no matter what side of the conflict the injured were on.

      Think before you post.

      • 521
        KRWL says:

        Err No.

        He entered Syria against all advice, without a visa to give medical aid to the forces fighting the government. That is to say he was enabling an illegal war.

        Think before you post.

        • 524
          JadedJean says:

          @KRWL

          “He entered Syria…
          …to give medical aid to the forces fighting the government.”

          Where is your proof for that statement?

          Dr Khan’s family were originally from Hyderabad in India. Why would he have taken sides in the Syrian conflict?

          His sister Sara said this of her brother…

          “He knew he could help people with some very simple procedures,” said Sara. “And it’s ingrained in doctors that you help everyone without prejudice when they need it. He just felt it was his duty to go into Syria.”

          http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/middleeast/syria/10532792/Abbas-Khan-The-surgeon-born-to-help-others-who-paid-with-his-life-in-Syria.html

          • FFS says:

            Why did this Muslim doctor go to Syria at all? He could have done his “help the poor and the suffering” bit in Hyderabad.

            If he insisted on helping those injured in the Syrian conflict, why did he not go to Syria legally and help those innocent people injured by the rebels?

            I don’t know what happened to this guy or what his real back-story was. Neither do you. The whole story is coming from their family. Do you expect them to start jumping up to say “Actually he was a terrorist”. They are saying only what you would expect them to say. Whether it was true or not I can’t know and neither can you.

          • Matilda says:

            There is a shortage of doctors in India. This useless clown should have stayed at home there.

          • FFS says:

            “And it’s ingrained in doctors that you help everyone without prejudice when they need it. He just felt it was his duty to go into Syria.”

            Dr Bilal Abdulla, NHS doctor and perpetrator of the Glasgow Airport attack, that’s all I’m sayin’

            These people seem very keen to get their stories into the press given that you might expect them to be grieving?

      • 523
        FFS says:

        Are you absolutely sure he didn’t go there to fight?

        Syria is a reasonably sophisticated country with its own doctors. Why was he needed there? Are there no doctors on the rebel side? If there are no doctors on the rebel side does that tell us about what intelligent caring people in Syria think about the rebels?

  91. 510
    Worry ye not says:

    Yes folks, these are photos of a City in France.

    Behold Christmas 2030

    http://tinyurl.com/oupo6x7

  92. 537
    Blowing Whistles says:

    The thing about the Mcshame sentence is rather like it was with the Huhne sentence. The Judiciary are on trial here – their so called (a big fat lie if ever there was) independence from the politicians and the bank.ing elite is on trial here and then of course there is Chilcot …

    The pigs are just their useful idiots.

    Oh what a tangled web they weave [have woven] when at first they practice to deceive?

    Bring it on Sweeney, Bring it on.


Seen Elsewhere

Guido’s Column | Sun
NUT’s Loony Defence of Status Quo | Jago Pearson
A Dozen Reasons to Be Cheerful | John McTernan
Political Bloggers Are Equal Opportunities Attackers | ConHome
Michael Gove Should Resign | Conservative Women
Sarah Wollaston’s Naming and Shaming of Bloggers | LibDemVoice
Fraser Nelson: Put Your Money on Ed Miliband to Win | Guardian
Guido Fawkes is Too Aggressive | The Times
Ditch Tobacco Plain Packaging | Grassroots Conservatives
What Farage, Boris and Rob Ford Have in Common | William Walter
Labour Spell New Adviser’s Name Wrong | ITV


new-advert
Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)


Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”



orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?


Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:






RSS




AddThis Feed Button
Archive


Labels
Guido Reads