December 18th, 2013

The Hair Apparent: Bald Boris Update

Forget airport capacity expansion, Boris needs a hair extension. Spinners do everything they can to try avoid the Mayor’s thinning hair from being seen, but they did not do very well on Channel 4 News last night:

Will his chances of reaching No.10 recede with his hairline?


  1. 1
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    We shall abolish Nick Clegg!


    • 15
      Mitch says:

      My issue isn’t his hair, it’s his lack of stature and temperament to be PM. His latest wriggling on Heathrow also doesn’t inspire confidence.


    • 22

      Daniel Levy Models Himself On Kim Jong-Un
      Crap businessman Daniel Levy has revealed his idol and mentor is North Korean drama Queen Kim Jong-Un.

      The Spurs chairman, who has just ruthlessly sacked yet another manager, insists the obese dictator’s style and complete disdain for all humanity is something to be admired rather than deplored.

      He said: “Kim is an amazing guy – the fact that he uses his power to kill and let poor people die is simply fantastic. That makes him a true original in my eyes.”

      Asked if his relationship with Kim is platonic, Levy responded: “Of course it is. We have never gone further than hand holding accompanied by long bouts of eye contact.”

      Jong-Un has consistently denied he is a woman strapped inside an overweight man’s body

      A source close to Jong-Un admitted that he has been taught to execute anyone who gets in his way.

      The source said: “Everyone who works for Kim is scared to pass him in the hallway, because rather than make awkward conversation he will take out a gun and shoot you in the face, which generally results in a fatality.

      “Although most North Koreans live a worthless existence anyway , so the Dear Leader thinks by shooting them at point blank range, he is giving them some much needed excitement. He generally lays on top of the male corpses and humps them until he is satisfied…it’s a great work environment.”


  2. 2
    John McTernan says:

    Blustering Baldy Boris has a certain ring to it.


    • 37
      Anonymous says:

      all this hair thing boris and the chancellor is too intellektual for many of us


    • 42
      Psyche the Dog says:

      “Will his chances of reaching No.10 recede with his hairline?” Well Geedes, there hasn’t been a baldy as PM since Churchill


  3. 3
    I've got something in my pocket for you... says:

    Can’t he get a sample from Fabricant.


  4. 4

    Who knows p’raps a Baldy Boris would be a better PM, innit?


  5. 6
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Boris is losing hair capacity :-)

    Hair today gone tomorrow.


  6. 7
    Abbott visits another school that she refused to let educate her son. says:


  7. 8
    John Ward (Medway) says:

    He needs to get some more ported over to his bonce. A kind of ‘new hair-port’…


  8. 10
    Still the funniest PMQs moment ever says:

    This never ceases to be delicious to watch. Greatest own goal ever.


  9. 11
    Ippikin says:

    Wish I had his hair!


  10. 12
    Everyone in Chingford says:

    Boris passed his peak a couple of years ago. The novelty has worn off. He can still be entertaining from time to time but the credibility has gone. Too many lies Boris. People see through you.


    • 14
      Put up says:

      Such as?


      • 16
        A Boris Lie says:

        “We won’t expand Heathrow”


        • 28
          The Chinese and Arabs pull the puppet strings says:

          Can’t really nail that on Johnson. His idea for a new airport east of London was a good idea, most of the infrastructure already built and no noise pollution for millions.

          Blame Cameron and the money men who run him and Heathrow, for that.


      • 17
        Everyone in Chingford says:

        He made a series of direct and public lies about saving the Walthamstow dog track development while actively seeking votes.


  11. 13
    Guardian advert says:

    Vacancy for lady gardener.


  12. 21
    Larry The Downing Street Cat says:

    Boris will soon need to seek advice from Cliff Richard’s hair dresser!


  13. 26
    Anonymous says:

    But Boris is always one jump ahead


  14. 31
    Jimmy says:


    It is only socially acceptable to insult bald people if they have eyebrows.


  15. 32
    Alf Garnett says:

    By rights, he should have been as bald as a coot years ago; if the theory of association between baldness, potency and progeny is correct.


  16. 34
    How politics works says:

    Boris island was a non starter from the word go and Boris knew it. He used it to present himself as a man of the people whilst all the time knowing it would come down to the options now on the table.


    • 35
      Londoner says:

      But he managed to milk it for a few overeas ‘fact finding’ jollies to boost his image in the meantime. The man is proving to be little more than the mirror image of Ken Livingston in that regard.


  17. 39
    Anonymous says:

    Boris with a transplant is not an option


  18. 40
    Anonymous says:

    Boris give it up and shave your head.


  19. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Could we see a new Die Hard Film set in London with Boris and Bruce taking on the Bad Guys.


  20. 48
    Deathly Allhallows says:

    Major fallout from Boris Island


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