December 16th, 2013

Chuka’s 50 Shades of Grey Session With Mystery Lady Friend

As Guido reported in yesterday’s Sun, Chuka Umunna has admitted to enjoying a saucy poolside 50 Shades of Grey session with a mystery lady friend. “I was sitting by a pool and one of my friends – who I will not name – she was reading extracts to me,” Chuka says. And he liked it: “I thought it was quite racy.” Bachelor Chuka, who don’t forget dated Luciana Berger, was coy about the identity of his companion, telling intrigued fellow guests during the pre-show ice-breaking: “I’m not saying any more.” Sadly the cameras hadn’t started rolling.


98 Comments

  1. 1
    Chucky Fucky says:

    Why would he need someone to fuck? He’s a narcissistic twat. He probably just thinks of himself when he wants to climax.

    • 8
      Chuka Campaigns for Energy Windfall Tax because prices too high. Except this was 2008 says:

      • 12
        Ed Miliband Doubled energy Prices says:

        So, Prices doubled in a year in 2008. How come the energy secretary Ed Miliband did not freeze the prices? Oh silly me, he couldn’t because of all the green taxes he had slapped on to “save the world”.

    • 15
      Up the Workers! says:

      He’s not too bad by Labour standards – unlike tax-dodger Stephen Kinnock, who has never had a real job in the real world, Chuka (from a family of tax dodgers) once worked as a solicitor, albeit for less than four years.

    • 37
      gay folks says:

      the other end of u is a.
      in the world of vulva.
      climax like anything else needs a nerve.
      so call your self climax.

    • 67
      The General says:

      What he really is trying to say is : ” I am not an arse bandit.”

    • 76
      Owen's Remedial Eng. Lit. teacher says:

      ” one of my friends”
      Politicians have connections, not friends

      > “I thought it was quite racy.”
      That’s his contribution to Lit. Crit. is it? The vacuous twat.
      His finding it racy is a reflection of his shallow nature.

      “I’m not saying any more.”
      Why tell us even that?

      • 79
        I M H O says:

        That pic makes him look like a right supercilious full time prat. He should have a serious word with the cameraman.

  2. 2
    Does he like PIE?! says:

    TV weather presenter Fred Talbot has been been rearrested by police investigating allegations of historical child sex abuse at a school. Officers are examining claims of abuse at Altrincham Grammar School for Boys in the 1970s and 80s. The 63-year-old former teacher has been arrested on suspicion of indecent assaults on five former pupils.

  3. 3
    MSNBC FATALLY BIASED says:

    Oh er, I can just see a shade of his enormous watch!

  4. 4
    Toly Poynbee says:

    The saucy poolside sessions were presumably at his Villa in the Balearic islands.

    When I become a socialist, I will have a Villa too!

    • 7
      retardEd Miliband says:

      Having a villa in a warmer country allowth you to reduthe your heating bill, which helpth with the cotht of living cwithith.

      Thadly, I mutht make do with a £2million houthe in London. On the pluth thide, I didn’t have to buy it with my own money. And I put the heating on expentheth.

  5. 5
    I gave up half way through chapter 4 says:

    ““I thought it was quite racy.””

    It was a load of shite, like reading some random outpouring from an illiterate 14 year old girl’s mind.

    • 14
      50 shades of shit says:

      “like reading some random outpouring from an illiterate 14 year old girl’s mind.”

      What do you mean “like”? EL James HAS the mind of an illiterate 14 year old.

      • 21
        I gave up half way through chapter 4 says:

        Ah, that explains it.

        • 24
          50 shades of shit says:

          Can’t help admire her success though. She’s earned millions from her shit writing. A reaffirmation that anyone, even someone as talentless as her, can thrive under capitalism.

    • 27
      Lord Stansted says:

      Only the prebesent read about sex.

  6. 6
    Laurie Penny libels Lily Allen. Not very bright, is she? says:
    • 29
      Fuck the LibLabCon says:

      So Lilly Allen is a racist now?

      How odd I thought she hated her own kind as much as Laurie Penny does, looks like one of those socialist bitch fights where one of them realises they’ve lost the argument and starts screaming racist at the other. Fault of habit I guess.

    • 33
      Ignore the irrelevant fuckwit, it's what they hate most says:

      She can’t even spell “Lily” correctly.

    • 39
      New Statesperson says:

      Oh the drama!

    • 83
      JH239823590234098 says:

      I remember trying to drive while listening to the BBC parroting the fact that Lily Allen’s new video had ‘ignited a debate’ about sexism and racism in pop blah blah blah.

      No, I thought, as my piss turned to steam. It’s just a huge pile of carefully orchestrated meeeja bullshit to sell a shit record, end of story.

      And they say there is no advertising on the BBC.

  7. 9
    Person Of A Slightly Nervous Disposition says:

    I find that picture a bit unsettling.

    • 17
    • 26
      I think this is what Chuckup's thinking says:

      “So you want to be my unpaid intern, do you? Well, collect my £2,500 suit from the cleaners and when you get back remove your trousers and touch your toes. Mwa ha ha ha haaaa!

  8. 11
    American rapper says:

  9. 13
    Another halfbreed says:

    Ugly fucker.

  10. 20
    Peter O'Toole's daughter thanks fans for their condolences says:

  11. 23
    Anonymous says:

    Was the woman’s name “Beard”?

  12. 25
    David Cameron says:

    I am disappointed that I have been caught out yet again giving foreign aid to people who don’t need it. Still, it’s only public money. Who cares if the Chinese neither want it or need it because they are rich enough to put a robot on the moon?

    • 30
      Dimmy Dave is the worst Prime Minister ever ! says:

      “it’s only public money”

      Isn’t it slightly worse than that? The money that Dimmy Dave is spunking all over the place (that is, the rest of the world but not here) has actually been borrowed from the Chinese in the first place.

      Dimmy Dave borrows their money, immediately gives it back to them as ‘aid’, and we spend the rest of our lives paying the interest on the debt.

      • 41
        Reader says:

        Your moniker is sadly turning out to be true. He only had to be more competent than Brown and it appears he is failing to meet even that teeny tiny target.

    • 74
      Anonymous says:

      Worry not Dave.£27m a year to the Chinese is chicken feed compared to the £50 odd million your sending to Brussels EVERY DAY.

  13. 28
    Holly says:

    Surely you mean, ‘thankfully! the cameras had not started rolling’.
    Chuck is a puke inducing individual.
    Must dash…

  14. 31
    Ric Holden CCHQ says:

    And aside from saying “ooh” at the prospect of Man City and Barca, that completes the football round up…

  15. 32
    Chuka Does Tessa says:

  16. 34
    Marshall N. Mathers, alias Eminem, says:

    I’M the real “Slim Shady.”
    Not THIS poseur.
    Though you probably COULD say there’s something shady about him.
    You wanna get technical about it, I’m probably “blacker” than he is, too.
    Culturally, at any rate.

  17. 36
    illogical says:

    Well at least I think Abbott as the mystery poolside friend can be ruled out since am unsure if she can read.
    Probably his mum- the guys an iron hoof isn’t he?

  18. 43
    Chuka Khan King says:

  19. 46
    Isn't it past his bedtime? says:
  20. 59
    Keith Dovkants says:

    I later bought that battered copy on eBay.

    In fact, there was so much of Chuka’s batter on it, when you try to open page 1, it opens on page 39.

  21. 63
    Luciana Berger says:

    Chuka chucked me . . .

  22. 75
    Anonymous says:

    Oh Chuckie I’m sure your mummy warned you about women.I do hope she wasn’t one of those trashy types,

  23. 80
    Owen says:

    11.28 am is so not past my bedtime.
    In school they call us “students” which means we don’t have to get up till mid afternoon, but mummy always makes me get up at eight o’clock to drive me the half mile to school in her 4×4.
    I’m typing this under my desk so old snotface the maths teacher can’t see. I’m going to be a politicain when I grow up so I don’t need maths.

  24. 82
    labour are hypocrites says:

    Puts a whole new meaning on the phrase, “spanking the monkey”.

  25. 86
    Labour Voting Thickos says:

    50 shades of Bullshite!

  26. 88
    MandyPickleSniffer says:

    speaking of vain…anyone catch the X-Factor Finals over the weekend? That ridiculous Sherzingr woman is so up her own arse, she’s embarrassing to watch. Didn’t let the actual X-Factor finalist Sam whatshername get a single moment of glory, as she stole all the best bits of the song for herself. Somebody needs to give her a reality check. Everything she does on that show is all ME ME ME. The desperate attention seeking of an ageing has-been in the twilight of her 15 minutes of fame. Pussycat Dolls? Seriously? And you put yourself up there with the likes of Beyonce etc? Deluded cow. No wonder Lewis H dumped her.

    • 95
      Sunderland is a Labour ghetto thats why its shyte says:

      Is this a political blog or a fuckin tv review page,what sane person wathces this shite.

  27. 89
    Jack D says:

    50 shades of gay

  28. 93
    Cue to be plagued by scabby old bags for a Brown arsewipe! says:

    Labour socialist scum are a plague of of time wasting leeches. What will be will be. Deal with it!

  29. 94
    Slave Labour are a plague of leeches! says:

    All that we have for sure is in the here & now! Everything else is 50 shades of bullshit!

  30. 97
    Crackatory says:

    I hope you aren’t sitting comfortably, then I’ll begin…

  31. 98
    treetop91 says:

    When will we see the like again ? A working class Labour MP that speaks down to earth common sense instead of media speak soundbites they mistakenly believe will appeal to the people !! Or masses,etc,etc.


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A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”



Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.


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