December 11th, 2013

GALLERY GUIDO PMQs SKETCH: Balls Crushed

No howling, no animal noises, no Brueghel peasant carnival atmosphere. It was PMQs but not as we know it. The almost orderly session revealed several new dynamics on the floor of the House.

Ed Balls seems to have been crushed. “Red Ed and redder Ed,” the PM laughed, recalling the pulsing flush that suffused the shadow chancellor last week. And then, more bruisingly,“The autumn statement proved one thing. He can dish it out, but he can’t take it!”

True, the shadow chancellor’s hand gestures were so poor he couldn’t have got a job at Nelson Mandela’s funeral. The downward pointing finger was picked up by Cameron – that’s the only direction the Balls career is going.

That’s what caused a little too much visible pleasure in the Opposition leader.


While it’s always a laugh to see Ed Miliband laughing (the teeth promising to jump out of his face and chatter around the desk in circles) it diverts attention from an emerging Miliband.

Because Awkward Ed is evolving quite quickly now into Miliband Mark II.

There are two equal and opposite components in the new model. Ice Pick Ed we are seeing a bit, in and out of the House. This is evidenced by the look of Soviet ruthlessness that crosses his face when he is slighted. A collection of such images will be started in due course.

Less scary, it is possible to glimpse the work in progress that is prime ministerial Ed. The calm, quiet-voiced, in-total-control version that suggests he is so suited to office, he is such a natural, that power will come to him and fall about his body like a well-cut suit.

File that under Audacity of Hope.

Thus, he felt he could say to the prime minister: “Can I urge him to work with me . . . “

Urge him to work with me!

It’s too early to bring this off, but we’ll be seeing more of it.

Although the second new dynamic is going to present Mark II a problem in implementation. The quiet and effortless superioty depends on a rampant Labour back bench barracking loudly enough to make Cameron shout and bark and look flustered.

Speaker Bercow has delivered that Labour racket consistently for some time now, depriving Cameron of his lordly ease. But Bercow has been humiliated recently on several fronts, and has realised the danger he is in from a Tory uprising. So seriously is he taking this that he is now, quite suddenly, reprimanding Labour MPs for their noise-making – and without the cooing, stroking, fawning, he has always used on them. “Our Speaker” as Labour calls him seems to be defecting.

A quieter House allows Cameron’s more attractive qualities to flower. He makes friendly remarks when he can to the Opposition, he praises Meg Munn (and that’s not as easy as it sounds), he teases the Chair (“I don’t know how you’re going to keep us all in order, Mr Speaker.”), and makes a polite, self-deprecating joke (see Quote of the Day).

When calm, he easily outdances his opponent. This is worth bearing in mind, as things go on.


64 Comments

  1. 1
    8!lly says:

    First.

  2. 2
    Mr Dobbs says:

    Who out the pair of them wears the ‘I’m with stupid’ t-shirt?

  3. 3
    purple tie maufacturer says:

    Thanks lads

  4. 4
    Owen Jones says:

    If you want a collection of Ed Milibands various facial expressions why didn’t you ask?
    I’ve got an old Wallac&Gromit Christmas annual knocking around in the loft.

    • 14
      (Not so)Dangerous Brian says:

      Yes and probably a few Dandy’s and Beano’s in the magazine rack and the bog, you total t**t.

      • 45
        Ed 'Toss-me' Balls says:

        That’s it mate- be a knob

        Its a fucking joke innit? The joke being Miliband looks like a plasticine figure of himself.
        And Balls..He looks like ‘Butch’ from Tom and Jerry, but in plasticine form.
        So it works well, don’t it?

        You must see that? Unless your sense of humour is as limp as your dick.

  5. 6
    We started the job so we'll finish it...and the country says:

    Gawd help us if these two get anywhere near The Treasury again…the country will be well and truly finished

    • 52
      M says:

      If the 2 Ed’s get anywhere power this counties gonna need more than just a 3rd run way at heathrow , other wise the channel & North Sea are gonna look like
      D Day in reverse .

  6. 7
    AnusButtocks says:

    I cant wait til the fucking marxist little … is in power

    He’ll give No11 to Darling, but they will fall out as Red Len makes ever greater and insane economic demands on the snivelling little Marxist …

    Are we permitted to use the word …?

    • 8
      I think so says:

      Test:Huhne

    • 15
      Mornington Crescent says:

      Agreed, in a rather sadistic way.

      We are still up to our tits in debt and the current lot are simply tinkering at the edges. Cuts? What cuts?

      Add gay marriage, more EU, foreign aid, ‘uman rites, rampant immigration etc etc and you’ve got a country in serious decline. The miserable spectacle of the Heathite Cameron going cap-in-hand to the Chinks last week and calling it “inward investment” says it all.

      So let’s have that silly little nark in power; the sooner we hit rock bottom and come to our senses, the better.

      • 24

        Minus the tits, regrettably. :-)

      • 42
        The new Messiah says:

        Send for Bomber Harris.

      • 49
        Sunderland is a Labour ghetto thats why its shyte says:

        A country in serious decline…………if only it was that bad!

      • 63
        Anonymous says:

        MORNINGTON C.You really, need to get out more!If you think there has ever been a perfect country or a perfect economy with milk and honey flowing down the golden pavements of London you are living in cloud cuckoo land.The last 13 years of Labour were 10 times worse than what we have now, with illegal wars, Patients dying in Hospital unnecessarily and Weapons inspectors being hounded to their deaths.The shower on the shadow front bench should have been thrown out at the last reshuffle, they are a fecking disgrace.

  7. 10
    Mr. Speaker says:

    ” Mr. Wilson, I would much prefer tapes referred to in this house be released in the chamber, and not on an unmentionable blogger’s site”

  8. 13
    Slave Labour! says:

    ” Urge him to work with me!?” Typical Slave Labour! Unrewarding, time wasting and non profitable. I hope Dave told the communist creep to fuck off and do one!

  9. 16
    Roma Bob says:

    Only 21 days to go… YEEEEPE!!!
     
     

    • 30
      green ink says:

      weak stuff from farage on the romanain bulgarian migration issues and other posturing ahead of EU elections next may.

    • 36
      RomaBob... says:

      Roma Bob ?? Get yer own name….no duplicity here thank you very much !!

  10. 17
    Casual Observer 5 says:

    It is time that Labour had a vasectomy from its past.

  11. 20
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Stanley Baxter sketch, Italian ice cream vendor to customer: “crushta nuts?”, no laryngitis.

  12. 21
    The BBC causes very serious mental illness says:

    Newsnight covering pollard, featuring the cast of Hi De Hi and a massive tin of whitewash.

    Bring your brushes folks, and get ready to see license fee payers money spunked on another Lord who is shortly to be libeled without mentioning any names.

  13. 22
    Subject: Didn't know they could stack it that tall.
    

    “Our Speaker” as Labour calls him seems to be defecting defecating.

    There! Fixed it for you…

  14. 31
    President Clinton says:

    Who the hell is Milliband anyway?

  15. 39
    The Last NHS Dentist says:

    I bet those teeth are handy for opening beer bottles.

  16. 44
    A pair of communist creeps says:

    ” “Can I urge him to work with
    me .” ?

    Who wants to work with a communist creep?

  17. 50
    Jack Ketch says:

    As any EU citizen (as well as any Commonwealth citizen-did you know that?) can be a British MP and thus Prime Minister, can that scrumptious Danish bint please be invited here to take over. Her politics may be rubbish, but if we must have c***ts and t*ts on the Front benches, we might as well have useful ones that are worth looking at.

  18. 51
    John Bellingham says:

    Here’s a picture worth a caption.
    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/12/11/article-0-18A87D76000005DC-376_634x437.jpg

    (Yeah, I already thought about the what the Danish PM has)

  19. 54
    Crap 'Ed says:

    Dumb & Dumber!

  20. 55
    Fabians are Evil says:

    The downward pointing finger was pointing to Hell where he and Brown are surely going to end up

  21. 56
    Johan says:

    Another enjoyable sketch, thank you.


Seen Elsewhere

Labour’s Plan to Attack Part-Time Boris | Standard
Ex-Sun Hack Cleared After 582 Days on Bail | MediaGuido
11 Times Boris Denied He Would Stand for Parliament | Buzzfeed
Attacking UKIP’s Posters is Counter-Productive | Guardian
Sarkozy Tried it on With Hollande’s Ex | Times
Another Spare Room Subsidy Cut Success | Harry Phibbs
Rich Now Have Less Leisure Than Poor | Economist
UKIP’s Immigration Policy Promotes Migrant Entrepreneurs | Breitbart
Another Feminist Lecture | Laura Perrins
UKIP Posters Bad Economics But Good Politics | James Delingpole
Tories Losing to UKIP in Scotland | ConHome


new-advert
Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)


A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”



Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.


Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:






RSS




AddThis Feed Button
Archive


Labels
Guido Reads