December 11th, 2013

GALLERY GUIDO PMQs SKETCH: Balls Crushed

No howling, no animal noises, no Brueghel peasant carnival atmosphere. It was PMQs but not as we know it. The almost orderly session revealed several new dynamics on the floor of the House.

Ed Balls seems to have been crushed. “Red Ed and redder Ed,” the PM laughed, recalling the pulsing flush that suffused the shadow chancellor last week. And then, more bruisingly,“The autumn statement proved one thing. He can dish it out, but he can’t take it!”

True, the shadow chancellor’s hand gestures were so poor he couldn’t have got a job at Nelson Mandela’s funeral. The downward pointing finger was picked up by Cameron – that’s the only direction the Balls career is going.

That’s what caused a little too much visible pleasure in the Opposition leader.


While it’s always a laugh to see Ed Miliband laughing (the teeth promising to jump out of his face and chatter around the desk in circles) it diverts attention from an emerging Miliband.

Because Awkward Ed is evolving quite quickly now into Miliband Mark II.

There are two equal and opposite components in the new model. Ice Pick Ed we are seeing a bit, in and out of the House. This is evidenced by the look of Soviet ruthlessness that crosses his face when he is slighted. A collection of such images will be started in due course.

Less scary, it is possible to glimpse the work in progress that is prime ministerial Ed. The calm, quiet-voiced, in-total-control version that suggests he is so suited to office, he is such a natural, that power will come to him and fall about his body like a well-cut suit.

File that under Audacity of Hope.

Thus, he felt he could say to the prime minister: “Can I urge him to work with me . . . “

Urge him to work with me!

It’s too early to bring this off, but we’ll be seeing more of it.

Although the second new dynamic is going to present Mark II a problem in implementation. The quiet and effortless superioty depends on a rampant Labour back bench barracking loudly enough to make Cameron shout and bark and look flustered.

Speaker Bercow has delivered that Labour racket consistently for some time now, depriving Cameron of his lordly ease. But Bercow has been humiliated recently on several fronts, and has realised the danger he is in from a Tory uprising. So seriously is he taking this that he is now, quite suddenly, reprimanding Labour MPs for their noise-making – and without the cooing, stroking, fawning, he has always used on them. “Our Speaker” as Labour calls him seems to be defecting.

A quieter House allows Cameron’s more attractive qualities to flower. He makes friendly remarks when he can to the Opposition, he praises Meg Munn (and that’s not as easy as it sounds), he teases the Chair (“I don’t know how you’re going to keep us all in order, Mr Speaker.”), and makes a polite, self-deprecating joke (see Quote of the Day).

When calm, he easily outdances his opponent. This is worth bearing in mind, as things go on.


64 Comments

  1. 1
    8!lly says:

    First.

    Like

  2. 2
    Mr Dobbs says:

    Who out the pair of them wears the ‘I’m with stupid’ t-shirt?

    Like

  3. 3
    purple tie maufacturer says:

    Thanks lads

    Like

  4. 4
    Owen Jones says:

    If you want a collection of Ed Milibands various facial expressions why didn’t you ask?
    I’ve got an old Wallac&Gromit Christmas annual knocking around in the loft.

    Like

    • 14
      (Not so)Dangerous Brian says:

      Yes and probably a few Dandy’s and Beano’s in the magazine rack and the bog, you total t**t.

      Like

      • 45
        Ed 'Toss-me' Balls says:

        That’s it mate- be a knob

        Its a fucking joke innit? The joke being Miliband looks like a plasticine figure of himself.
        And Balls..He looks like ‘Butch’ from Tom and Jerry, but in plasticine form.
        So it works well, don’t it?

        You must see that? Unless your sense of humour is as limp as your dick.

        Like

  5. 6
    We started the job so we'll finish it...and the country says:

    Gawd help us if these two get anywhere near The Treasury again…the country will be well and truly finished

    Like

    • 52
      M says:

      If the 2 Ed’s get anywhere power this counties gonna need more than just a 3rd run way at heathrow , other wise the channel & North Sea are gonna look like
      D Day in reverse .

      Like

  6. 7
    AnusButtocks says:

    I cant wait til the fucking marxist little … is in power

    He’ll give No11 to Darling, but they will fall out as Red Len makes ever greater and insane economic demands on the snivelling little Marxist …

    Are we permitted to use the word …?

    Like

  7. 10
    Mr. Speaker says:

    ” Mr. Wilson, I would much prefer tapes referred to in this house be released in the chamber, and not on an unmentionable blogger’s site”

    Like

  8. 13
    Slave Labour! says:

    ” Urge him to work with me!?” Typical Slave Labour! Unrewarding, time wasting and non profitable. I hope Dave told the communist creep to fuck off and do one!

    Like

  9. 16
    Roma Bob says:

    Only 21 days to go… YEEEEPE!!!
     
     

    Like

  10. 17
    Casual Observer 5 says:

    It is time that Labour had a vasectomy from its past.

    Like

  11. 20
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Stanley Baxter sketch, Italian ice cream vendor to customer: “crushta nuts?”, no laryngitis.

    Like

  12. 21
    The BBC causes very serious mental illness says:

    Newsnight covering pollard, featuring the cast of Hi De Hi and a massive tin of whitewash.

    Bring your brushes folks, and get ready to see license fee payers money spunked on another Lord who is shortly to be libeled without mentioning any names.

    Like

  13. 22
    Subject: Didn't know they could stack it that tall.
    

    “Our Speaker” as Labour calls him seems to be defecting defecating.

    There! Fixed it for you…

    Like

  14. 31
    President Clinton says:

    Who the hell is Milliband anyway?

    Like

  15. 39
    The Last NHS Dentist says:

    I bet those teeth are handy for opening beer bottles.

    Like

  16. 44
    A pair of communist creeps says:

    ” “Can I urge him to work with
    me .” ?

    Who wants to work with a communist creep?

    Like

  17. 50
    Jack Ketch says:

    As any EU citizen (as well as any Commonwealth citizen-did you know that?) can be a British MP and thus Prime Minister, can that scrumptious Danish bint please be invited here to take over. Her politics may be rubbish, but if we must have c***ts and t*ts on the Front benches, we might as well have useful ones that are worth looking at.

    Like

  18. 51
    John Bellingham says:

    Here’s a picture worth a caption.

    (Yeah, I already thought about the what the Danish PM has)

    Like

  19. 54
    Crap 'Ed says:

    Dumb & Dumber!

    Like

  20. 55
    Fabians are Evil says:

    The downward pointing finger was pointing to Hell where he and Brown are surely going to end up

    Like

  21. 56
    Johan says:

    Another enjoyable sketch, thank you.

    Like


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Find out more about PLMR AD-MS


Tony Blair threatens Ed:

“If you had a strong political lead that was combining the politics of aspiration with the politics of compassion, I still think that’s where you could get a substantial majority…  If I ever do an interview on [the state of the Labour Party], it will have to be at length…”



Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.


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