December 3rd, 2013

Last Person to Leave Venezuela Please Turn Out the Lights

Over in free and prosperous Venezuela last night, moderate and reasonable President Maduro addressed the nation on television. As he laid out his socialist vision of glorious revolution and the bright red future, large swathes of the country were plunged into darkness as crippling power cuts took out its oil refineries.

No doubt Owen Jones is standing by to observe how everything is fine.

Price caps work then, do they?


  1. 1
    PC Dixon says:

    You listening Miliband – he’s your mate isn’t he -

  2. 2
    Tom Daley says:

    Chase me!

  3. 3
    geordieboy says:

    The lights are already out.

  4. 4
    Ref. says:

    Venezuela will learn very soon just what socialism does to you, there will be another revolution soon.

  5. 5
    Mr Fweezth and his trusty sidekick Dave says:

    I will Fweeth Thenethuela.

  6. 6
    Tom Daley says:

    Bi for now.

  7. 7
    Colin Harding says:

    The oil refineries have their own power supplies, so they were not affected. Caracas was, though, including the metro and shopping centres, which had to be evacuated. It’s a frightening city even with the lights on.

  8. 8
    Duty Pedânt says:

    Can you explain why the last person out should turn the lights out, if there is no electricity?

  9. 9
    Paniagua V5 says:

    The question is, who’s money have this particular bunch of socialists ran out of?

  10. 10
    Koba says:

    Yes, it’s how this country will be if Milliband and co. keep up the anti.

  11. 11
    Roger Daltrey says:

    Meet the new boss! Same as the old boss!

  12. 12
    FFS says:

    Have a heart. He is Irish after all.

  13. 13
    Anon...........& Voting UKIP.ORG says:

    Why ours of course !!!

    Its all part of Call me Dave’s, BumSex is important, its the right thing to do

    £12B International Aids programme & the sub continent are so grateful we have

    fully paid for there first Mission to Mars……..with much more to come later….

  14. 14
    FFS says:

    Millband is just what this great nation needs. 5 years of grinding poverty will drive all the immigrants back to their homelands and be followed by the most right-wing government this nation has ever seen.

  15. 15
    UN observer says:

    Interesting to look at Venezuela’s massive oil income

    Being pissed up various walls

  16. 16
    El Presidente says:

    On behalf of the Republicca Democratia Militaria I just want to say Chris Waddle.

  17. 17
    Axe The Telly Tax &Religion &Kill All Eco-loons says:

    FFS don’t tell Dave that Venezuela doesn’t have a space program.

  18. 18
    Paniagua V5 says:

    I didn’t realise Venezuela had a space program, and therefore qualified for a share of the DfiD lottery spunk money.

  19. 19
    Axe The Telly Tax &Religion &Kill All Eco-loons says:

    And now for the weather.


  20. 20
    Nation Shall Speak Socialism Unto Nation says:

    Here at the BBC we have studiously avoided any mention of venezuala but if we were to mention it we would call it a populist government not a ‘far-left’ one. This is obviously fits with our general guidelines that anyone to the right of Nick Clegg be described as extreme right but the scale on the other side runs from moderate to populist.

    Obviously we would’t want to look at the shortages cause by Price-controls on any of our news programmes because of the unique way we are funded we don’t really understand economics – surely all prices should just be set from the centre like our very reasonable licence fee….I mean its a bit tricky to scrape along on 4 bil a year if you are p*ssing so much away in compensation failed projects and all but everyone has to do there bit

  21. 21
    oWen Jones says:

    I hide the fact that I am hard left by using the word Mum alot

  22. 22
  23. 23
    Tom Daley says:

    Leave Dave alone you beastly man!

  24. 24
    Axe The Telly Tax &Religion &Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Cameron and Davey keep telling us to switch our sup-plier to get a better deal.

    Well on 7th May 2015 the voters will do exactly that :-)

  25. 25
    Backward Reverse Twisting. says:

    No wonder Daley was never the best when he can’t make his mind up. Comes out as a shirt lifter but hedges his bets by saying he still fancies wimin

  26. 26
    UK Wide Open Borders Agency says:

    The Stormont Executive has launched a strategy to get 30,000 more people into work over the next 10 years……………..

    This is just not good enough as we expect over 30,000 per month just from
    Romania to pour in from 1st Jan 2014… Stormont needs to massage these numbers urgently…….

  27. 27
    Tom Daley says:

    Sorry sweetheart it’s cock today and it’ll be cock tomorrow.

  28. 28
    Bilda Berger says:

    Sounds to me like a question for Boris.

  29. 29
    Owen Jones says:

    Now what does the texture remind me of, its on the tip of my tongue, and the back of my throat?

  30. 30
    BoJo says:


    Greed is good?

  31. 31
    Dr Awkward says:

    Buono estente!

  32. 32
    Axe The Telly Tax &Religion &Kill All Eco-loons says:

    The Roma are coming Dave, tick tock!

  33. 33
    Ken Living(undera)stone says:

    This is typical capitalist plot to undermine the great socialist scheme of equality and fairness for all. Some of us are more equal than others, obviously!

  34. 34
    Call me Dave, future failure says:

    Have Mr Daley bathed and delivered to my quarters.

  35. 35
    Anonymous says:

    So since when has anyone in the UK given toss about Venezuela?

    If you tell me the answer is because the same could happen here in the Uk you can tell that fat count Cameron that if after taxing me into oblivion he wants to pull the same stunt on me then he is really heading for trouble.

  36. 36
  37. 37
    bill says:

    bizarely the president would make as much money promoting a market economy over a socialist one that he controls.

  38. 38
    John Bird says:

    Don’t worry we already have plans to greatly expand production

  39. 39
    Sir William Wayde says:

    Owen, reflect on the fact the people who make this product are Bavarians and, therefore, likely to be Catholic crypto-fascists.

  40. 40
    Call Me Dulalee Dave, Bum Sex is Important,its the right thing to do says:

    My future plans is for HS7.459 to link directly to our mutual friends in
    Venezuela for our increasing redundant MP’s, who’s only pleasure at
    present is it fiddle there expenses, will be able to see for themselves
    how British Tax Payers Purloined Money is being pissed up the wall
    in every way we can find……

    That is what I call real progress for our Multi-Cultural shite hole of
    a province of the glorious EUSSR’s empire……

  41. 41
    Romanian Goat says:

    My master and his many friends from the village often joke that they won’t be the last person to leave their country.

    See you soon!

  42. 42
    The Suspended Reverend SSSSSShhh you know who.... says:

    Do they export quality assured Coke…???

    That way I won’t have to pay the enormous shipping & freight costs
    but is the reliability of supplies as good as Columbia, Mexico or Afgan
    white powders as I continually suffer from frequent bouts of all of these strains of flu each day……

    Is it any wonder I need plenty of rent boys but they are even more satisfying when charged to expenses….

  43. 43
    A Romanian Enricher says:

    What are lights?

  44. 44
    Adolphe Miliband says:

    Do they allow kittens to be kept as pets in Venezuela ?

  45. 45
    Boris says:

    If a radio presenter asks you daft questions what colour is his handkerchief?

    Give yourself 3 points if you said blood red.

  46. 46
    Vote UKIP - it is your duty says:

    The Venezuelan junta has run out of the money they stole from international companies when they nationalised them.

  47. 47
    Caracass says:

    Dave’s secret rocket program is to Uranus

  48. 48
    Vote UKIP - it is your duty says:

    Look at it this way, if there is a power cut everybody is equally in the dark. So this in socialist terms is a success story.

  49. 49
    Jackie treehorn says:

    Wishful thinking. the immigrants drop baby anchors the minute they get here.
    They’re going nowhere, no matter how bad the socialist ruin the country they figure it’s still better than the s%&t hole most of them come from.

  50. 50
    Rev. Flowers says:

    I’m coming!

  51. 51
    Pete Townsend says:

    Tinted spectacles have coded meanings.

  52. 52
    The Great British Public says:

    Mr Tom Flowers… It has a lovely ring to it…. Don’t cha think ?

  53. 53
    Heston says:

    I would suggest a Polyfilla sandwich.

  54. 54
    David Cameron says:

    Thats the difference between Tory and Labour. We’re both corrupt bastards but at least the Tories know there more money to be plundered in a thriving market than a collapsed one. Blair did try to teach Labour this but some people are just too mong to learn.

  55. 55
    The Great British Public says:

    Are you sure. I thought housing benefit, child benefit and healthcare was much more generous in West Africa and Afghanistan.

  56. 56
    A socialist says:

    All hardworkingfamilies must have 0.6 cats, 1.2 dogs and 1.1 childrens. It’s the right thing to do.

  57. 57
    Jack Dromey says:

    I’d like to see a big black cock inside Tom’s lovely ring!

  58. 58
    I surmise that says:

    You have read HPotter&tGoF.

  59. 59
    Demography says:

    The birth rate in Portugal was 1.28 children per woman as of 2011, down from 1.35 in 2010. The replacement rate would be 2.1.
    Vast numbers of young people are leaving the country. I think they might have a problem.

  60. 60
    Postal Votes are Labour Loo Paper says:

    Another socialist paradise that can’t even provide its people with bog paper. Says it all really. Shit hole. That’s what you get with a commie dictatorship. Reds Ed and Len must be slavering at the thought of shafting the UK with similar failed policies (yet again).

  61. 61
    Postal Votes are Labour Loo Paper says:

    Ever been to a worker’s paradise? No, thought not. You reckon it’s bad here, try Venezuela or some similar crap hole.

  62. 62
    Socialism Ate My Future says:

    Is the question:

    What food would represent Owen Jones’ intellect and personality?

  63. 63
    An old fart says:

    Shelia and Sofie would be nice together. Yum

  64. 64
    Jimmy Saville says:

    O Tom you dick.

  65. 65
    DC says:

    More bumsex.

  66. 66
    Danny Boy says:

    Harriet’s got her strap on for you.

  67. 67
    FFS says:

    They never fecking learn do they? They simply assume that communism always fails due to opposition from the middle classes, ands that they therefore need to crush the middle-classes even harder next time. Problem is its the middle-classes that you need to do all the realy complicated stuff like inventing stuff, brain surgery and the like. Once you’ve cruched them in a communist “great terror” they are surprisingly unwilling to help out the working class and hence all socialist countries end up with a totally stagnant economy and society.

    I appreciate there are a great many things wrong with our existing society, but it should be obvious by now to all but a half-wit that socialism isn’t the answer to any of them.

  68. 68
    Willybum Hauge says:

    Cooee! I need an arsesistant!

  69. 69
    George Duncan Shite says:

    No chance, he’s a card carrying shirt lifter who likes chewing the rug.

  70. 70
    Medicated Milliband says:

    This is the worst smearing I have seen since Gordon stayed in the spare room.

  71. 71
    FFS says:

    Portuguese newspapers suggest 10,000 young people per month are leaving. That’s 120,000 a year for a country with a population of only 10million. Young adults would only make up about 10% of the population, so they really are losing a big chunk of their youth. If it were to go on for 10 years or so they will be in big problems.

  72. 72
    George Galloway says:

    Its the only answer worth giving if you want a mass of stupid people to regularly vote for you no matter how much of an incompetent liar you obviously are.

  73. 73
    (Not so)Dangerous Brian says:

    This Owen Jones guy really does have far too much time on his hands.
    Maybe he should get a proper job and give up the rent boy thing or just do it in his spare time.

  74. 74
    (Not so)Dangerous Brian says:

    The majority relocating here?
    London needs more waiters and cleaners.

  75. 75
    Village Idiot says:


  76. 76
    Neopeitha says:

    Interesting to note that the Venezuelan government is doing a Brown, in selling their gold reserves to make ends meet. Just more subtly:

  77. 77
    broderick crawford says:




  78. 78
    broderick crawford says:


    belt and braces job .

  79. 79
    broderick crawford says:

    no…angola , mozambique and brazil fortunately

    where they er…. speak portuguese

  80. 80
    Keitho says:

    Unfortunately they then set about trying to make this country resemble the shithole they left.

  81. 81
    Richard says:

    Don’t laugh, it’ll be our turn next and ‘twon’t look anything like as funny.

  82. 82
    Somewhat offpissed. says:

    Have been, and in some ways it was a damn sight better than what our multicultural shithole has become. Nobody worked, but then again nobody got any benefits so it levelled out. Any incoming parasite demanding its ‘human right’ to stick its snout into the non-existent public trough got very short thrift, most often at the end of quite large stick (Muslims particularly I was delighted to observe). Lesson here, perhaps?

  83. 83
    Thothialithm ith madneth says:

    Venezuela is also rapidly running out of everything in the shops too, since el president clamped down on the black market in dollars. It is common to have to queue for 4 hours to buy food and the basics.

    Just like the old soviet union used to be. What a coincidence.

    This is what Miliband will achieve, given the chance.

  84. 84
    getreel daddyo says:

    Oh yeah, I bet there are queues a mile long of Portuguese trying to get in to Angola & Mozambique.

  85. 85
    let's get diverse says:

    they are the things you have to disable when breaking and entering

  86. 86
    Anchorman says:

    Butros, Butros Gali.

  87. 87
    It's a dilemma says:

    I heard Zac Goldsmith (bum-sex party) tonight on the radio, saying that some of our overseas aid budget should be spent on elephant preservation.

    Now, I’ve got nothing against elephants, but they really are not our fucking problem.

    Mind you I could spare a fiver if it went to .

  88. 88
    Tom Daley says:

    It’s not the first time Owen has been addicted to something white and sticky.

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