December 2nd, 2013

Cristal Meth Scandal

Nigel Evans was looking on the bright side when Guido bumped into him last week.

“Whenever I get down, I just think it could be worse. I could be Reverend Flowers.”

Although, unlike the party-loving former boss of the Co-op Bank, Evans told Guido: “I’ve never smoked crystal meth, mind. I have drunk Cristal, though”.


  1. 1
    Fist of Fury says:

    Did you get fisted Guido?

  2. 2
    new sex test needed says:

    Chap’s lying about his sexuality.

  3. 3
    NOT nellnewman says:

    Neo might have enjoyed that.

  4. 4
    Guido cures homosexuality says:

    Guido’s bumping into a raving poofter has cured him.

  5. 5
    Mitch says:

    If the multiple serious charges against the man are true then he is far, far worse than Flowers.

    He is strangley sinister with all this faux joviality.

  6. 6
    Steve Miliband says:

    A lot of people going to be disappointed about the Tom Daley news today – another series of ‘Splash’

  7. 7
    Mrs T says:

    Had plenty of gayers in my cabinet. Never bothered me.

  8. 8
    Observer says:

    Not often you see five tits together.

  9. 9
    Aquatic Gayer says:

    I much prefer Flippa

  10. 10
    David Hockney says:

    I think I’ll call it a Bigger Splash. Does that sound OK do you think?

  11. 11
    Anon says:

    That’s before the Judge puts on the Black Cap & passes sentence !!!

  12. 12
    Spineless Dave says:

    mmm This blowfish is absolutely lovely.

  13. 13
    CMDD says:

    And many more in mine plus I pushed through the law for gay marriage
    bug*gery something all of the country wanted me to do….(not)

  14. 14
    Ah!!!!!!!!!! M says:

    It’s about time Pattern undertakes the same surgery as Sharon Osbourne

  15. 15
    Mixed up yoof says:

    I wonder if Evans has met Tom Daley?

  16. 16
  17. 17
    Caligula is disgusted says:

    Ie he out on bail cottaging then?

  18. 18
    a gynaecologist says:

    What, a hysterectomy?

  19. 19
    Dr Russell Brand Phd. says:

  20. 20
    Lord Stansted says:

    Indeed. One should never tempt fate.

  21. 21
    F'ing Modbot says:


  22. 22
    Anonymous says:


  23. 23
    F'ing Modbot says:

    Wh@t…..évér …… ‘Lït’ hér ûp oñ Sàtûrdáy n1ght mûst h@ve beën strông śh1t

  24. 24
    Orson Cart says:

    ‘kin scrawny twat

  25. 25
    Anon. says:

    The BBC are still turning a blind eye to this,can’t think why?

  26. 26
    Lord Boothby says:

    Mrs T never minded me attending parties held by the Krays where I’d have little boys defecate on me. Toot toot!

  27. 27
    NOT nellnewman says:

    Man made God in his own image.

    This man is a plonker.

    Ergo, he could make a Plonker God.

  28. 28
    Still rubbing noses in diversity says:

    ” another series of ‘Splash’ ”

    Now he’s outed himself you can be rest assured that the BBC will run at least another 5 series for him or indeed create a whole new repertoire of programmes just like they have for that dread-locked black bloke in the wheelchair.

    By coming out, Daley’s futurewill be set for life, with the aid of the BBC.

  29. 29
    Grand Master says:

    Plenty for him to be jovial about.


  30. 30
    NOT nellnewman says:

    If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?

  31. 31
    An obvious question... says:

    Isn’t the picture above of the tweeter (khads?)…one of the thugs?

  32. 32
    Anon. says:

    No he’s not amongst that that.

  33. 33
    Ah!!!!!!!!!! M says:

    2011 !!! Robert Lanza, also no doubt having filched the sentence

  34. 34
    Barclay Twins wear tight speedo's says:

    Should not Daley be using the personal ads not the front page of the Telegraph.

  35. 35
    Anonymous says:


  36. 36
    Point of order says:

    Tom Daley gay….

    That’s a bit like bumping into an old mate at the pub who says, you know what I’ve come to the conclusion that Cameron is a fcuking liar and a fcuking cnut…

    Welcome to the club buddy..

  37. 37
  38. 38
    Curiouser & Curiouser says:

    Lovely matching smiles. Have they all been sucking the same stick of Brighton rock?

  39. 39
    Do you want some.... says:

    I thought Evans was an uphill gardner….?

  40. 40
    John Bellingham says:

    That’s Japan, peasant. In China it is pickeled pigs’ penis, often substituted today by the cheaper human variety.

  41. 41
    Matilda says:

    The middle of the day of the week gotcha!!

  42. 42
    John Bellingham says:

    Or pickled even.

  43. 43
    John Bellingham says:

    Watermelon smiles.

  44. 44
    Matilda says:

    The Empire Windrush has a lot to answer for!

  45. 45
    John Bellingham says:

    The difference is that Flowers paid money (from expenses?) to sodomise teenage boys. Evans is accused of doing the same thing, nit only not paying for it, but not even asking permission. However as there is a court case in progress such matters are sub judice–that’s Latin for “if we keep quiet about it maybe people will lose interest”

  46. 46
    UKIP voter says:

    Sooner he goes down down the safer for us all

  47. 47
    Psyche the Dog says:

    I wonder if they are lady boys, if women they will be safe wilth him

  48. 48
    Psyche the Dog says:

    “If the multiple serious charges against the man are true then he is far, far worse than Flowers.” He’s a Conservative and Flowers was Liebore.

  49. 49
    Psyche the Dog says:

    Could be either way – which way, AC – DC

  50. 50
    Psyche the Dog says:

    We know, they did what they were told.

  51. 51
    Psyche the Dog says:

    Who’s Tom Daley, someone important?

  52. 52
    Top Totty says:

    Have a full-length picture

  53. 53
    Village Idiot says:

    ….”C’mon Tom”

  54. 54
    Sheep says:

    ….His nationality may go against him!

  55. 55
    Stan Tistic says:

    He’s not going down anywhere near me.

  56. 56
    broderick crawford says:

    “Whenever I get down,…..”

    Unfortunate sentence construction

    Get down WHERE and to do WHAT
    , exactly?

  57. 57
    broderick crawford says:

    Probably taking over at the Cottage now that Martin Jol s been fired .

  58. 58
    broderick crawford says:


    No way is he Robert Plant !!!

  59. 59
    Anonymous says:

    It was ITV not the BBC.

  60. 60
    Godfrey Bloom says:

    And four of them look like a pair of nice ladies to me, definitely not sluts who don’t clean behind their fridges

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