November 29th, 2013

Friday Caption Contest (Independence Blueprint Edition)


255 Comments

  1. 1
    Cymro oddi ar y llinell says:

    And this is our plan for Falkirk…

    Like

  2. 2
    Roundell says:

    I see that your love of self portraits has not diminished

    Like

  3. 3
    Steve Miliband says:

    Pair of tits

    Like

  4. 4
    eGOM says:

    “You’re absolutely sure there are no copyright issues?”

    Like

  5. 5
    Monty says:

    4 tits on display.

    Like

  6. 6
    Jan Petrovic says:

    As you can see, our policies as are as clear as day.

    Like

  7. 7
    M102 says:

    And this one was sent in by G Brown or Kircaldy aged 56.

    Like

  8. 8
    Barbelo says:

    Haggis, Neeps, Tatties and Whisky sauce for us.

    Like

  9. 9
    Alex Salmond says:

    As you can see, I’ve drawn the battle lines.

    Like

  10. 10
    Kebab Time says:

    “We asked the Scottish people what they wanted from an SNP led Non EU Mc Scotland and this was the reply”

    “Gordons Submission”

    “Translated to English for 140 million”

    Like

  11. 11
    manwithaplan says:

    Right my dear, do you have any other idea’s we can use for the white paper

    Like

  12. 12
    Gordon Brown says:

    Who gave him my selfie?

    Like

  13. 13
    The voice of unreason says:

    … and this will be our new flag!

    Like

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    Alex Salmond shows the SNP’ blueprint for an independent Scotland

    Like

  15. 15
    Steve Miliband says:

    It’s an Eddi Reader Selfie.

    Like

  16. 16
    Kebab Time says:

    “Ed Balls”

    Like

  17. 17
    Alex Salmond says:

    I even used the same crayons Gordon used to sign the Lisbon treaty.

    Like

  18. 18
    Thomas from Tonna says:

    This is something Nick Clegg prepared earlier.

    Like

  19. 19
    David says:

    “Thank you for your observations children”

    Like

  20. 20
    Alex Salmond says:

    And this is what our new five puund note will look like

    Like

  21. 21
    Kebab Time says:

    “Neo Guido, the morning after the John Major speech night before”

    Like

  22. 22
    Ed Miliband - Shadow Tosser says:

    He’th sthtolen my Manifethto!

    Like

  23. 23
    Dave "Nasty" Cameron says:

    Why is that Scottish woman wearing a wig ?

    Like

  24. 24
    Steve Miliband says:

    Charles Kennedy has signed up

    Like

  25. 25
    Scottish Herald says:

    And look, a certain Mr Russell Brand wishes to relocate to Scotland.

    Like

  26. 26
    Steve Miliband says:

    Makes more sense than Labour’s blank piece of paper

    Like

  27. 27
    Peter Grant says:

    AS: “Don’t know about you Nicky, but I can’t see the wood for the trees!”

    NS: “Never mind the White Paper now Eck, there is some great definition in this drawing, isn’t there?”

    Like

  28. 28
    Alex says:

    “This is our application to join the EU…”

    Like

  29. 29
    radsatser says:

    This is the final design for the 50 million Eckie banknote. (£1 =100million Eckies)

    Like

  30. 31
    @hamishprague says:

    My design for Europe. We are in the middle.

    Like

  31. 32
    Screwed taxpayer says:

    What a fucking mess — typical LibLabConnery aided by the SNP pillocks.

    Like

  32. 33
    The other life says:

    Little girl asks the Crankies what dogging is.

    Like

  33. 34
    Anonymous says:

    If ye wore a kilt you widnae have skid marks.

    Like

  34. 35
    Andrew K says:

    This is the new flag. We’ve modelled it broadly on the Belgian one.

    Like

  35. 37
    Smoked Salmond says:

    I hope they don’t realise the reason my face is so red is because Nicola’s cleavage has given me the horn.

    Like

  36. 38
    Rabid Scot says:

    It’s not finished yet!

    Like

  37. 40
    Nascent kipper says:

    Shreknoccio hands in his manifesto after a busy night on the Buckfast.

    Like

  38. 41
    gra smi says:

    Here is conclusive proof that independence works

    Like

  39. 42
    Kebab Time says:

    “Can you tell what it is yet?”

    Like

  40. 44
    Alex says:

    You see, a little learning is a dangerous thing…

    Like

  41. 45
    wiedehopf says:

    “…and that is an excellent drawing of what happened to the last poor sucker who tried to get independence for Scotland!”

    Like

  42. 46
    John Chilcot says:

    Salmond leaks the result of Miliband’s smear test.

    Like

  43. 47
    Nicola Sturgeon says:

    Ah…page 216.

    Like

  44. 48
    Ian says:

    And this will be our replacement for the Saltire……

    Like

  45. 50
    The Salmond says:

    This is the new toupe I will be wearing when we are an independent nation.

    Like

  46. 51
    Jock McSubsidy says:

    I’ve sketched out my vision of Scotland’s future. Nobody will buy it.

    Now give me a subsidy.

    Like

  47. 52
    Dolly says:

    You are a poster boy for Scotch whisky…

    Like

  48. 53
    Kebab Time says:

    “I hold here in my hand a pice of paper, a piece of paper more historic than womens right to vote, more important than civil rights in the usa, I hold here the recipe to deep fried haggis mars bars and the proof that ******* ******** MP and ******* *******mp did not fiddled their expenses.

    Like

  49. 54
    mbowley1 says:

    “Here’s the flag”

    Like

  50. 56
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “An original Salmond– it will fetch a pretty penny down the road, when I become ‘The Father Of His Country’ and all the collectors will look for memorabilia…wonder how much the bloke on the Antiques Roadshow will say it’s worth?”

    Like

  51. 57
    nellnewman. says:

    Cameron: the same “Dave” that stood in front of the electorate and claimed to have NO knowledge whatsoever of Lansley’s plans for top-down reorganisation of the NHS before the election.

    This man is not only an idiot – but an arse to boot!

    Sarkozy publicly embarrassed him, Merkel pissed herself laughing at him, Obama only puts up with him so he can look after the BBQ, Putin thinks he’s a twat.

    And there are people out there who think he is doing a good job!

    Like

    • 105
      Prince Rupert says:

      Strange person, you are either looking at a different picture or you can see something in the sqiggles that has set off your lunacy

      Like

  52. 58
    Anon says:

    The Scottish pound note will look like this

    Like

  53. 59
    Darth Weevil the Eternally Crazed says:

    And here is an artists rendition of what Scotland will look like once I’m in charge

    Like

  54. 61
    Alex says:

    After Independence, your cleavage will be this big

    Like

  55. 62
    Col. Nut says:

    She says she did it for Jimmy Savile in his Highland cottage.

    Like

  56. 63
    Perry says:

    Awe come on, it’s only my first go

    Like

  57. 64
    Teacher says:

    Can you show me on this drawing where that nasty man touched you

    Like

  58. 65
    Princess Fiona says:

    Shrek gives his autograph to a couple of star-struck fans

    Like

  59. 66
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    We’re on the road to nowhere.

    Like

  60. 67
    Rickytshirt says:

    A sheet of A4 paper is surprisingly absorbent after a heavy night of buckfast and deep fried mars bars, but do watch out for paper cuts won’t you, children.

    Like

  61. 68
    Wandsworth Thinker says:

    “This one is from a friend of mine, J. Dromey, he calls it: ‘Everyday is Black Friday’ “

    Like

  62. 69
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Like

  63. 70
    Anonymous says:

    First Minister launches the Government’s Shite Paper on Independance

    Like

  64. 72
    Rickytshirt says:

    Miss, you had so much cleavage on show I could nae hold my crayons steady.

    Like

  65. 73
    sproggingforbenefits says:

    This girl has adequately described the SNP stance on Independence for Scotland

    Like

  66. 75
    Kebab Time says:

    “This was Russell Brands piece before the sub Ed touched it”

    Like

  67. 76
    David Cameron says:

    How low did the SNP set the age at which young people could vote FFS?

    Like

  68. 77
    Maximus says:

    I’m told you’ve titled it ‘Sotch Mist Obscures the Noblest Prospect of the High Road to England (Again)’. Very good. Now tell me, are you from around these parts?

    Like

  69. 78
    LiebourkilledallIluv says:

    An this ma wee lassie, is the SNP manifesto!

    Alex Salmond, and Nicky Sturgeon, there’s something fishy aboot they twa, ah gist cannae pit ma finger oan it.

    Like

  70. 79
    SNP Hater says:

    Here’s the plan for a new porridge factory and children if England doesn’t do as we ask then we’ll cut of their porridge supply.

    Like

  71. 80
    Ian says:

    Scottish bitcoin.

    Like

  72. 82
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Salmond: ‘The cleavage from England will be a simple matter.’

    Like

  73. 83
    All MP's are scum says:

    This is the New Scottish Flag what I drawed myself.

    Like

  74. 84
    The world has always been a crime ridden shithole says:

    Off topic but any of you been on the website of the Old Bailey with its records dating back to the 17th century? Fascinating stuff.

    Random example from 1675 of a 14 year old sentenced to death for murder
    J. D. a little boy about 14 years of age, for murthering a Citizen and Silkman in Milk-street , which he confessed: Young in years but old in wickedness

    http://www.oldbaileyonline.org/browse.jsp?id=t16751013-4-off11&div=t16751013-4

    Like

  75. 85
    altruism in industry says:

    “See ? and the bigger black lines is how much more oil we’ll get after independence”

    Like

  76. 87
    The little Girl says:

    When asked to explain how the Independence campaign was going, Mr Salmond said a picture is worth 670 pages.

    Like

  77. 89
    Peter Grimes says:

    I got my pal Gordon to jot down his economic plans for an independent Scotland.

    I think it is even better than the one I presented this week.

    Like

  78. 90
    Vote Tory get heir to Blair says:

    AS: And this is an impartial architect’s view of Glasgow in ten years if we don’t get independence.

    Like

  79. 91
    HPDL says:

    Salmond: “Eddi Reader has drawn this picture to clearly set out why Scottish Independence is a good idea”

    Like

  80. 93
    BBC McIntern says:

    Following the announcement that the age for voting will be lowered to 3 years, Alex Salmond unveiled the illustrated edition of his manifesto, entitled The Haggis Who Came To Tea.

    Now children, repeat after me:
    You’ll have had yer tea?

    Like

  81. 94
    Shrek says:

    This diagram explains exactly how independence will work.
    Basically, as you can clearly see, its whatever I say it is.

    Like

  82. 95
    HPDL says:

    Salmond auditions for the ‘Rolf Harris’ role in a new Scottish TV channel

    Like

  83. 96
    The General says:

    ” The ‘Say No’ campaigners say that an independent Scotland is not economically viable, but as you can plainly see by my plan for the economy, they are totally wrong.”

    Like

  84. 97
    geordieboy says:

    Just like our 654 page propaganda book, a load of shite

    Like

  85. 98
    Bill Quango MP/8 says:

    Nicola – After we’ve lost I’m thinking of going to Europe as an adviser to Nick Clegg.

    Alex – Aye! Nice! I’ve got an offer from UKIP.

    Like

  86. 99
    Anonymous says:

    This is an accurate representation of Nicola’s muff after I’ve spat out my haggis and cockie-leekie dinner all over it.

    Like

  87. 100
    Brigadoon says:

    Joan McAlpine’s political beliefs here.

    Like

  88. 101
    Pollocks says:

    … and here is an example of Roma craftmanship that will help enrich Britain next year …

    Like

  89. 102
    ViSIOnOn says:

    Unfortunately we are unable to return your painting too you.

    Like

  90. 104
    Fbi says:

    Alex Salmond tearing up the yes voting slip as he stays in the unipm

    Like

  91. 106
    Noel says:

    “… and this is the Fair Trade Christmas card we’ll be using this year.”

    Like

  92. 107
    out of the mouths of babes says:

    Mr Salmond. If you are going to keep the Queen, the pound, the BBC, the EU, the Royal Mail, the Royal Regiments and the NHS, what does independence mean?

    Like

  93. 108
    Rattyman says:

    See Rab, I told you you were gifted!

    Like

  94. 109
    Stopthewhining says:

    Nicola sat down with a couple of crayons and a glass or two of whisky last night and has designed our new flag. What do you think?

    Like

  95. 111
    Och aye the noo broon coo says:

    This is the latest Edinburgh tram map.

    Like

  96. 112
    The Great British Public says:

    Salmond – Is it a picture of an independent Scotland ?

    Like

  97. 115

    Salmond: At least it has more than Miliband’s sheet of paper.

    Like

  98. 116
    6 fingers from Norfolk says:

    “Look what Uncle Gordon has drawn for us.
    I know a story about messing things up want to hear it.”

    Like

  99. 117
    hairyarsedscotsman says:

    Awe thanks hen, that wis a gid wipe o’ ma a**e.

    The wife isnae pleased when a get skid marks on ma breeks.

    Whor did awe the black bits come fae tho?

    Like

  100. 118

    How’s it hanging, Alеx?

    Like

  101. 119
    Jackie Smiths DVD says:

    It’s a picture of the chancellor’s underpants who is shitting himself as he knows the oil money is going to dry up

    Like

  102. 120
    Displaced Brummie says:

    Nice cleavage shot for a Friday afternoon. Pity she’s posing with an even bigger tit.

    Like

  103. 121
    Hell for Leather says:

    And this is my blueprint for Scotland’s future — working title: Scorched Earth

    Like

  104. 122
    Get out of our plane seats you plebs says:

    So, the staff at the Wee Troubled Mind’s Hospital have allowed Gordon to use crayons now?

    Like

  105. 123

    Rorschach test shows Salmond to have a predominance of sexually obsessed behaviour with unconscious content concerning latent homosexuality and castration. He has very strong feelings of rejection.

    Just wait until the referendum result.

    Like

  106. 124

    “I finished my other book too…….”

    Like

  107. 125
    Scottish Chav says:

    wee fat eck hands in his 6th year dissertation

    Like

  108. 126
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Salmond – “And this kids is my brain scan taken while I dreamt up the White Paper”.

    Like

  109. 127
    Mike Wilkinson says:

    “Nicola, I’ve finished the final draft of the White Paper”

    Like

  110. 128
    Arec samon says:

    Lovely Christmas card, Gordon. We’ll add it to the other 7 you’ve sent this month.

    Like

  111. 129

    Aye! It‘s a wee dysfunctional artist!

    Like

  112. 130
    anallyretentivelawyer says:

    Brilliant! But much too detailed for our purposes.

    Like

  113. 131
    PitPony says:

    Teacher – “Mr Salmond, where is your projected boom in the Scottish economy shown on that graph”

    Like

  114. 133
    Poets' Day says:

    …and this is what Scotland will look like after I’ve finished wiping my arse on it…

    Like

  115. 135
    The British media are cunts says:

    Alex Salmond shows off the congratulations card from Gordon Brown.

    Like

  116. 137
    I G says:

    “OK David, we’ll try again………..The little black mark represents the UK average contribution per head to the UK treasury. The big black mark shows how much the Scots pay per head…….£11,079 is bigger than £9,342………Have you go it yet?”

    Like

  117. 139
    Anonymous says:

    Its called ‘The case for independence’

    Like

  118. 140
    Cynic2 says:

    Salmond shows financial strategy

    Like

  119. 142

    SNP do market research on design for Scottish pound!

    Like

  120. 143

    White Paper rewrite proves better than original as School kids love the colours

    Like

  121. 144

    As you see this document answers all the questions about Scottish Independence.

    Like

  122. 145

    Can I trade you this picture for food, Scotland has a barter system as Plan McB

    Like

  123. 146

    Yes, this picture shows that there is talent in the SNP

    Like

  124. 147

    My SNP MSP aide Joan McAlpine does this on the Daily Record but she gets about £400 a week, where’s mine?

    Like

  125. 148

    I spent my life fight for independence and now Nicola says she likes going to see the Tennis for free at Wimbledon in the Royal box

    Like

  126. 149

    Do you have any ideas how an independent country should run?

    Like

    • 235
      Mike Brussels MSP (Master of the Sacred Purse) says:

      No Idea at all, sorry, but The Glorious EU will yell us what to do, just as they already do now. 90% of all the laws and diktats already come from Brux.

      Like

  127. 150
    Crisp Ackham says:

    Scotland’s got talent

    Like

  128. 151

    This is the Scottish plan for defence, the yellow lines at our enemies peeing themselves laughing and the red bit s,us lying in the mud with our heads cut off, the black bits are dirty on the photocopier

    Like

  129. 152

    When you grow up, you can set up this size of paper for begging with on street corners by adding text, it is your only chance to eat in indy Scotland

    Like

  130. 153

    This is my work done for the day, tomorrow I play in the sand pit

    Like

  131. 154

    I went to school like you, then uni, then spend the rest of my time bitching about England giving Scotland a raw deal while soaking up Westminster expenses

    Like

  132. 155

    This is the best to lose an independence campaign, I am on the way out of the door as my political career is dying in Scotland

    Like

  133. 156

    I have so many pensions from the English State that I can afford to live the high life, I always wanted to be an artist you know!

    Like

  134. 157

    when it rains I use this as a hat and write Nike on it!

    Like

  135. 159
    Cynic2 says:

    …..and tomorrow Alex we will start you on reading and writing too

    Like

  136. 160
    Gez says:

    Alex Salmond stuns doubters by revealing the SNP do indeed have a plan ‘B’.

    Like

  137. 161
    Sorry, what did you say? says:

    Our main worry is the loss of employment to the 500,000 Scottish speaking ethnic group specially employed by HRMC so that no one understands a word they say.

    Not sure where we are going to put that lot!

    Like

  138. 162
    Cynic2 says:

    Alex no matter how many Photo-shoots you do I am younger prettier and have a great rack

    Like

  139. 163

    I bought Nicola with me to frighten you into voting Yes, but she is popular honest

    Like

  140. 164
    Cynic2 says:

    Now Alex post it off to the Domino’s “Design a Deep Fried Pizza” competition and we will see if you win independence

    Like

  141. 165

    where’s my next career move to be, maybe I will go to London and do something at the Tate Gallery, like night watchman position, they have Sky

    Like

  142. 167

    This was me using my left hand, my right hand is much more steady

    Like

  143. 168
    Cynic2 says:

    Salmond displays first acquisition for new Scottish National Gallery designed to rival LOndopn

    Like

  144. 169

    I wish that instead of being an MP and MSP I had been a spray painter writing ‘young team’ on the walls in my hick village up north

    Like

  145. 170

    This is the new logo for an indy Scotland, its called chaos and desolation

    Like

  146. 171

    David Cameron has sent me a reply regarding him and me doing a TV debate on Scottish independence

    Like

  147. 172

    anyone here working class? You can go sit somewhere else I want to help rich kids that’s why I came into politics

    Like

  148. 174

    No children, Nicola is not my wife, I am married to a woman old enough to be my mother

    Like

  149. 176
    Postal Votes are Labour Loo Paper says:

    And this is my O level Economics certificate.

    Like

  150. 177
    Anonymous says:

    Moira Salmond is 75!! She must be the oldest person in Scotland. Amazing for a diet of deep fried pizza and whatever. She could do better than fat eck though.

    Like

  151. 178
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Little Girl [Thinking to herself] ‘umm … that bitch appears to be in love with the prick on the right’.

    Like

  152. 179
    Noon says:

    ‘And farts will smell of violets and it will never rain and cakes will always rise; there’ll be free irn bru for all and we’ll only have to work 2 days a month; you’ll pay no tax and there’ll be rainbows everyday.

    Like this one”.

    Like

  153. 183
    Chasing the Deer says:

    Sturgeon: ” If we can get the voting age down to 9 I think we can guarantee independence !”

    Salmond: “I think probably 6 is better Nicola…they’ll definitely fall for our fairy tales”

    Like

  154. 184
    McFred says:

    How can we extend this to 670 pages?

    Like

  155. 186
    Alan Salmon says:

    This is worth £100 million according to an expert art valuer. No you can’t see his valuation. OK, there isn’t a valuation but if Scotland was independent it would have the potential to be worth £100 million instead of the Westminster government saying it wasn’t.

    Like

  156. 187
    Larry The Downing Street Cat says:

    Here’s what Scotland’s Balance Sheet looks like after Independence.

    Like

  157. 189
    Anonymous says:

    Our devolution committee has studied the prospects once independence has been gained and this charts the expected projected steady state of the newly independent Scottish economy once all the English function jobs have been transferred south of the Boarder and also includes all the Romas immigrants and Scottish detainees at H.M.P being deported back to their mother land!!

    Like

  158. 191
    Winnie Teh Poo says:

    From 2016 we shall use the Scat as currency,here’s one I made earlier.

    Like

  159. 192
    The jocks wan't to walk away Scott free after Darion two says:

    This is the plan we have to pay back the English the money our Scottish banks had to be bailed out, after two Scottman’s ponzi socialist rule for thirteen years

    Like

  160. 193
    Chief Wippet, Battersea Dogs' Home says:

    Ladies and Gentlemen, let me present to you the independent Scotland’s budget forecasts in the medium of art.

    Song and Dance will follow.

    Like

  161. 194
    pmt has a lot to answer for says:

    Picasso had his Blue Period.
    This is my attempt after my period

    Like

  162. 195
    DAVE bigger embarrassment than McMad says:

    “Well done Alex you can have a star for that !”

    Like

  163. 196
    DAVE bigger embarrassment than McMad says:

    Alex Salmon reveals his carefully drawn up plan for Scotland’s independence

    Like

  164. 197
    DAVE bigger embarrassment than McMad says:

    Alex salmon shows why he ended up a politician after being kicked out of art school

    Like

  165. 198
    DAVE bigger embarrassment than McMad says:

    Alex Salmon squeezes out a huge Jobbie in a live interview

    Like

  166. 199
    Sir William MacWayde says:

    “An independent Scotland will educate children to draw better than this shite”

    Like

  167. 200
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    SNP showing off their ideas – one up from Eds blank piece of paper.

    Like

  168. 201
    a salMoNd Age 9 says:

    lOOK WOt I DuN IN SkOOL TOOdaY

    Like

  169. 202
    Hugh Mcready says:

    Nicola and Alex realise their paper is not a Jackson Pollock,just utter bollocks

    Like

  170. 206
    HMP Hunhe says:

    (AS) … labour only offers a blank sheet… this is what we the SNP will do with it.

    Like

  171. 210
    The Golem of Neasden says:

    Alec Mugabe proudly displays the winning depiction of his intention toward English landowners

    Like

  172. 211
    Ayayay says:

    …”and this document explains how you can divorce your wife whilst still retaining the ability to shag her up the arse every morning”

    Like

  173. 212
    Rightallalong says:

    That’s my drawing of Alistair Darling. Can you nae see the eyebrows ? Smirk, smirk.

    Like

  174. 213

    Isn’t it sweet? Gordon did it for me.

    Like

  175. 214
    BraveFart says:

    This is our constitution for an independent Scotland.

    It will mean anything that I, once I immediately declare myself President-for-life, want it to mean.

    Like

  176. 215
    Tom Catesby. says:

    You should see what I can do when I’m not on the Irn Bru!

    Like

  177. 216
    Dickie says:

    Salmond presents the roadmap to an independent Scotland.

    Like

  178. 218
    Concerned of Wick. says:

    I’d send that off to the coprology department asap, Alex. Could be a colon problem.

    Like

  179. 220
    Where's Oor Wallie? says:

    They may take our pens, but they’ll never take our crayons!

    Like

  180. 221
    Mel "BraveBucky" Hibson says:

    and when we open the new national gallery, I have some work to put in there right away.

    I call this, “Up yours, English Bastards! How dare you give Scotland lots of money when we’d pished all oors up the wall in Panama?”

    Like

  181. 222
    Andrex says:

    Double Width toilet paper. For the biggest arses in Scotland.

    Like

  182. 231

    This is my Tailor’s Plans

    So that’s why my suits never fit !

    Like

  183. 236
    Rolf Harris says:

    Can you see what it is yet? This makes me proud to be Scottish.

    Like

  184. 237
    Round the Bend says:

    “The SNP has been working on a plan for independence since it started 50 years ago; and this is it!”

    Like

  185. 239
    broderick crawford says:

    Independent Scotland to have a Jacuzzi

    The ‘intelligent fridge’ means Scotland will never run out of potato scones
    An independent Scotland will have a spa bath, state-of-the-art multi-room audio and an ‘intelligent fridge’.
    Setting out its blueprint for independence, the Scottish National Party said the country would be ‘fully-loaded’ with the sort of optional extras that will make England ‘question its life choices’.

    First Minister Alex Salmond said: “I had my first Jacuzzi last year. It was fantastic and I thought ‘if we are going to do independence properly we are definitely going to need one of these’.

    “It was so bubbly and warm. Honest to God, I literally had to be dragged out of it.

    “Four big guys – half an hour. I was clinging to the handles.”

    He added: “The sound system will be amazing. It means we can have the same song playing in every single room in Scotland at the same time.

    “The guy from the shop said it’s much cheaper if it’s part of a ‘new build’. He said it gets pricey if you have to ‘retro-fit’ it.

    “I didn’t ask what that meant.”

    Salmond said that, unlike the opponents of independence, he has never missed an episode of Channel Four’s Grand Designs.

    He continued: “What I learned was that it’s all about ‘the budget’. Kevin McCloud is always telling people to spend way more than they can possibly afford, otherwise they will regret it for the rest of their lives.

    “I’m not saying we won’t have enough money, I’m saying we’re going sell all the nuclear submarines to Brazil.”

    Like

  186. 240
    Tartan Rug says:

    A Picture of Scotland’s Independence Trumps Syrup

    Like

  187. 241
    Ian says:

    Listen Mr Salmond, this is what everybody in my class thinks of your independence…

    Like

  188. 242
    Anonymous says:

    What a nasty old pair of tits.

    Like

  189. 245
    Anonymous says:

    I believe independence means pies in oor time.

    Like

  190. 248
    TGG says:

    …..and we’ve also budgeted for re-stocking the National Galleries after British art is repatriated…..

    Like

  191. 249
    Fintan Kat says:

    It’s Gaelic for large Government grant/

    Like

  192. 250
    Anonymous says:

    There’s another 669 pages like this.

    Like

  193. 252
    sick says:

    What a lovely picture of a Helicopter

    Like

  194. 255
    Long Live Our Gracious Queen. says:

    To the Natz party! (Alias SNP) Never will y’all split Bonnie Scotland from the United Kingdom.
    We are Sovereigns of The Queen.

    Like


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Can Jim Murphy Save Scottish Labour? | Guardian
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Labour Turn Their Backs on Jewish Community | Dan Hodges
Chivalry is Not Dead | Laura Perrins
Jonathan Jones is a Tw*t | Iain Dale
Second Scotland Poll Suggests Labour Wipeout | Times
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“Digger” Murdoch says:

Is it just me, or is Nigel Farage just a top hat and a monocle away from being a Batman villain?


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