November 26th, 2013

Saatchi Claims Nigella Was “Off Her Head” on Coke

It’s been an open secret that Charles Saatchi has been trying to put around the Nigella coke angle, but her lawyers have been stopping anyone from printing it. Now it’s been said in court:

Saatchi’s friends tell people that is why he was looking up her nose that day…

Image reconstruction.


This explains so much:


  1. 1
    Rev Flowers, Labour Donor says:

    Is she CO-OPerating with the police?

  2. 2
    Jezza says:

    What a load of old Gak

  3. 3
    Nigellas flawed son says:

    Cannabis eh? explains why she cooks so much, that’s what you call munchies.

  4. 4
    Newsfox says:

    Saatchi shame.

  5. 5
    Specsavers says:

    That picture sorta looks like Michael Jackson

  6. 6
    Clarkson says:

    Whatever next!

  7. 7
    Who knew? says:

    Guy Fawkes is an anagram of “we fuk gays”.

  8. 8
    Paniagua V5 says:

    Is Ed Balls a beneficiary of any family donations?

  9. 9
    Mornington Crescent says:

    A real gentleman wouldn’t wash such dirty linen in public.

  10. 10
    Labour says:

    That’s a smear.

  11. 11
    Adolphe Miliband says:

    Leave her behind in Belgium.

  12. 12
    Steve Miliband says:

    Unless there was money involved

  13. 13
    Labour says:

    That’s a smear.

  14. 14
    Ed Militwat says:

    Well, he is a hebe

  15. 15
    Rev Flowers says:

    I’ve got flower power!

    No, wait, that’s a vial of heroin.

  16. 16
    Poor old Britain says:

    Lovely chap this Saatchi

    Nothing like a bit of throttling in public followed by character assassination

    What is London coming to?

  17. 17
    Saint Sebastian says:

    I’d be on those drugs if i was married to that c*nt.

  18. 18
    Editor of the Sun (not yet in prison) says:

    Do you think the Tory Party is involved?

    There must be another angle here

  19. 19
    Jack Dromey says:

    It’s almost that time of year.

  20. 20
    Nigella gives me the horn says:

    + trillion

  21. 21
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Aha, the “domestic goddess” has been flushed out and exposed as a drug-addled menace to society.

  22. 22
    I've never seen Cocaine used says:

    What is it they look for in the nose of a cocaine user?

  23. 23
    The Editor of the Tatler glossy rag says:

    I thought it was the other way around

    “Nigella Lawson, left, divorced Charles Saatchi within seven weeks on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour,

    Read more:
    Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook”

    Are they both unreasonable then?

    Poor little rich kids…

  24. 24
    Reader says:

    I assume she wasn’t running a bank, so this is not really a matter of public interest. Though, like nearly everyone else, the more revelations we get about Nigella, the more I will probably lap them up.

  25. 25
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    She goes up in my estimation.

  26. 26
    Milk and Cookies says:

    She is a menace to no-one as long as she gets the temperature settings correct for her recipes.

  27. 27
  28. 28
    Steve Miliband says:

    Labour are working out waht line to take on this

  29. 29
    Is she a Beeboid? says:

    Don’t tell me. She is a BBC telly cook?

  30. 30
    Milk and Cookies says:

    If I had the munchies, Nigella swanning about in an apron would be one of the more welcome sights I can think of.

  31. 31
    Anonymous says:

    Cocaine or not I still would

  32. 32
    Who edited the cctv? says:

    An Mp who does not like other Mps picking on plod.

    And a member of the public has done exactly the same thing that the officer who has been charged has done. Will they be prosecuted as well?

  33. 33
    Baroness Warsi says:

    Yes she got the job I should have got.

  34. 34
    Saint Sebastian says:

    A lack of nasal hair.

  35. 35
    Lord Carrington's Binoculars says:

    I was in a marriage like this. Wife caught doing something seriously reckless after endless denials.

    Carries on doing it, carries on denying it.

    Years of looking you in the eye and emotional denials.

    Then gets caught again, this time having really lost it.

    I managed not to resort to manhandling, but, really, I have great sympathy for Saatchi.

  36. 36
    GQ glossy rag says:

    This must be why she cooks so well

    Do you think Flower Power will now become a chef?

    She will be on our front page anyway…

  37. 37
    An Innocent Abroad says:

    What does Geedo mean by the picture properties above of “cocaine-log.jpg”?

    Is the drug Cocaine a common substance within the Village of Westminster and its close neighbours?

  38. 38
    Libel O'Smear says:

    That’s a coke-and-bull story if ever i saw one. Or maybe not, m’lud.

  39. 39
    Biro says:

    So Saatchi is saying that his alleged violence towards his wife was some sort of a superior moral choice?

  40. 40
    Gay=happy Gay= homo Gay=crap? says:

    I object to the word gay which we hijacked being hijacked by young people.

  41. 41
    My Advice says:

    What you do is leave. You don’t become violent.

  42. 42
    Tatler manners editor says:

    Just look at his face…

    And gentlemen dont’t throttle their wives in public either

  43. 43
    Old Hal says:

    One thing that passes my mind on that point, what was Saatchi doing all those year they were living together as man and wife, he must have know about it, could he be charged with accessary after the fact as he had knowledge of the consumption of coke and did nothing all that time, and who started her off, if she was on coke which I doubt.

  44. 44
    Suger Rush! says:

    Ever seen a five year old after he’s had a Coke?

  45. 45
    Anonymous says:

    Michael Fabricant speaks sense on his twitter

  46. 46
    Someone else says:

    Michael Fabricant is a knob.

  47. 47
    Post modern cooking says:

    All those sautéed dishes

    Spicy starters

    Oriental flavours

    This gives a whole new image to her cooking…

  48. 48
    Daniella Westbrook says:

    Two nostrils.

  49. 49
    Anonymous says:

    What has Len instructed ?

  50. 50
    Chooseday Wednesdaya says:

    Fucking hell, you again and with a baby piss weak “pun”. Well it certainly gives readers an insight into the kind of piss weak content of your tumble weed blog. About as funny as a tumour on the bollock. Now kindly fuck off and stop spamming this blog with seriously shite puns and unfunny comments you sad little prick.

  51. 51
    Anonymous says:

    Is she is being represented by the law firm Smack, Head and Strangle?

  52. 52
    Old Hal says:

    Slowly, slowly sinking into the swamp it use to be during and before the Romans

  53. 53
    ? says:

    Mike Fabricant seems to speak sense on his twitter. Previous comments seem to get deleted.

  54. 54
    Fishy says:

    I’ve just popped down to the Co-op (I worked in the garden all morning so decided I’d earned myself a block of chocolate).

    Effin’ 73p they wanted for a tiny bar of Dairy Milk, so I walked across the road to a little independent newsagent who had one three times as big for £1.

    I suppose when Owen Jones gets into power, he’ll nationalise all shops and we’ll have to pay Co-op prices.

    Didn’t notice what they were charging for Coke, though.

  55. 55
    Full Report in the FT says:

    O.T. but worth a mention.

    “The Office for National Statistics estimates that there were 31,000 excess winter deaths in England and Wales in 2012/13, a rise of 29 per cent on the previous year.

    Last March was the coldest since 1962, with an average temperature of 2.2°C, and the second coldest since 1910.”

    By following the EU and Labour’s policy, of deliberately making domestic energy a luxury choice. The coalition are building their own Mid Staff’s outrage.

    In a country such as ours, expensive energy not only drives people on the margins into poverty, it kills the vulnerable too.

  56. 56
    The Village People says:

    We have him now.

  57. 57
    Rabbi Shanks says:

    He is not a gentleman, he is a j’ew. Big fucking difference.

  58. 58
    Lord Carrington's Binoculars says:

    Sure, but men are only human. Coked up in charge of children? All bets are off.

  59. 59
    Selohesra says:

    Just an apron – with those voluptuous curves spilling out the sides. Sigh

  60. 60
    ? says:

    Member of public lies to support Mitchell. A plod lies to support colleague. Plod charged. Member of public?

  61. 61
    Housekeeper at 11 Downing Street says:

    Be careful

    You will the Chancellor some ideas

  62. 62
    Cinnamon Buns says:

    She had a fucking choice you know, she married that lowlife money grabbing y1d scum by her own choice. I hope he regularly kicked her in her baggy cabbage.

  63. 63
    Tony Eden from Eton says:

    Where is this cocaine trail taking to us exactly ?

  64. 64
    81lly Kebæb says:

    Yuw tell him choosegay.

  65. 65
    Harriet Harman says:

    And cleans behind the fridge

  66. 66
    M103 says:

    Four cans of Special Brew cost £7.50 in Asda now. 440ml ones too.

  67. 67
    Lord Chief Justice says:

    I think a circular firing squad is needed

    They are all lying shysters

  68. 68
    Mohammed says:

    It’s ok so long as you don’t hid the drug-addled bint in the face.

  69. 69
    Old Hal says:

    Now, who else has allegedly been photographed at a coffee table with a smirk on his face and goodtime girl at his side with some whit stuff on the coffee table

  70. 70
    Bi Curious says:

    If she prepared it properly I would buy Nigella’s crack.

  71. 71
    MacGuffin says:

    To country suppers in Oxfordshire…

  72. 72
    The only clean policeman says:

    The House of Commons to start with

    Then other interesting places

    Chequers? Squeaker’s House? Every bank in the City of London…

  73. 73
    ? says:

    I think the original officer is the only one telling the truth. He should load the weapons.

  74. 74
    Fod Critic says:

    To much anchovy.

  75. 75
    The many ruled by the few says:

    Kin L

    Just had a look at her Wiki page. Moonbat his her cousin.

    Y’know the ruling elite of this country are only a very select few and they are all inter-related. No wonder they are not affected by immigration.

  76. 76
    Pep says:

    The last picture looks like a Mark Oaten special.

  77. 77
    A Muzzie Hipster says:

    That sort of thinking is so 8th Century, get with the 9th Bro.

  78. 78
    JadedJean says:

    It’s an Axis II cluster B personality disorder thing in his group!

  79. 79
    Realist says:

    Two Separated nostrils

  80. 80
    A Blog Regular says:

    She goes down in my fantasies.

  81. 81
    Bill Clinton says:

    No, just a stain. I did not inhale.

  82. 82
    Toss Daley says:

    What’s Hague / Cameron doing about this one?

    “UK accuses Spain of breaching protocol with Gibraltar diplomatic bag search
    Foreign Office says there is no justification for Spanish authorities searching bag at border of UK overseas territory”

  83. 83
    David Cameron says:

    “Coke will be the next big scandal to hit the HoCs”

  84. 84
    A Blog Regular says:

    Seriously Guido? Banned twice for posting in favour of the people you are in favour of, whilst the people who hate the people you are in favour of recieve no censure? I just don’t get it.

  85. 85
    Tresco Horticulturalist says:

    Our Norfolk Island Pines are alive and well, and do not bend to the left.

  86. 86
    Diversifier says:

    You will, dear, you will.

  87. 87
    Rip off Britain says:

    You can buy 75cl of 8% beer in France for about 2.20 euros.

  88. 88
    Historian says:

    ‘Twas ever thus. They used to talk about the “Top Ten Thousand” in the 19th century.

  89. 89
    Connie Lingus says:

    Still lipsmacking good.

  90. 90
    An Englishman says:

    What does cl mean? What are euros

  91. 91
    A Right Fucking Bastard says:

    Cokeheads are usually up for anything, so I reckon she definitely takes it up the arse.

  92. 92
    Gary Jones says:

    Bankers and Celebrities on Drugs, shock!!!

  93. 93
    Red Ted says:

    Arthur Scargill warned what would happen if you closed the mines.

  94. 94
    A Blog Regular says:

    I fail to see how banning people who are pro i s r a increases anything for anyone. It just reinforces the belief that everyone hates these people when that is not true.

  95. 95
    An Englishman says:

    Okay, so I do know what centilitres are. But if we must use the poxy metric system, why don’t we use it all. Why say 100ml or 100cl? Why does nobody ever use decimetres or decilitres? It makes as much sense as only using yards and inches. Bloody stupid foreigners.

  96. 96
    Cameron/Hague says:

    We have written a letter. Well, we got a minion to write a letter.

  97. 97
    I across says:


  98. 98
    Sincerely says:

    Hope that things have now worked out for the best for you Lord Carrington’s Binoculars, sir.

  99. 99
    F O Johnny says:

    Lost it in the post though.

  100. 100
    Info says:

    A dealer friend of mine told me many years ago that she and her first husband were on heroin.

  101. 101
    Handycock whipping it out says:

    I would certainly give her one but I hear she has a young daughter, how old is she? Boaz.

  102. 102
    (Not so)Dangerous Brian says:

    Owen Jones is a c**t!!!!!

  103. 103
    Phil from Pentonville says:

    That Judge has just said giving convicts short sentences is no good whatsoever.

    I have to say he is dead right. If short sentences worked then crime would be going down and there would not be much reoffending.

    What I say is give everyone a minimum mandatory sentence of six months with no remission.

    Then you would have a real deterrent.

    When you look at people like that Huhne character and his Greek woman they were only inside for a few weeks and they came out thinking to was all good fun and a bit like doing Big Brother.

    That can’t be right.

  104. 104
    (Not so)Dangerous Brian says:

    No, but they are affected by inbred mongism and a clear sense of superiority!
    The c**ts!

  105. 105
    Hannibal from Carthage says:

    Crack Cocaine is the street currency of organized crime with all the misery that brings.

    Upper class people who buy it for recreational use should be horsewhipped and locked up for a long period.

    It is the only way these people will learn.

  106. 106
    Lance Corporal Bill Bloggs (retired) says:

    Nuke the bastards.

    They won’t do it again.

  107. 107
    The closing bell says:

    I tell you Guido has completely lost the plot.

    The sooner there is a state regulated form of licensing for bloggers the better.

  108. 108
    The Boy Plunger says:

    Several Football Stadia have had random drugs tests in their toilets .

    I wonder who will be next?

  109. 109
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Nose bag?

  110. 110
    Anonymous says:

    Every day of the week and twice on Sundays

  111. 111
    Round the Bend says:

    She lost £300,000 while coked out of her head. I surprised Sa achi had the restraint to take his hands away from her throat.

  112. 112
    the only good Socialist is a dead Socialist says:

    Some Welsh singer pleads guilty to raping a baby after having made out he was innocent for months and what is the lead story: a rich woman allegedly snorting cocaine according to her rich former husband.

  113. 113

    According to high sauces…

  114. 114
    Reasonable Price says:

    I don’t agree with anything you fucking believe in as you are a defender of the dirty four be two but I did notice your comments disappearing earlier, bit odd especially when we all know that guido is “handled” by some very shady “chosen” people. I believe they have quite a lot of dirt on the fat paddy fairy, supposedly photos showing him balls deep in the back of a 12 yo.
    Maybe that is why the “moderators” here are so sensitive with posts about the “chosen people”.

  115. 115
    Blind_leading_the_blind says:

    So Guido writes for The Sun, and The Sun writes for Guido – how confusing

  116. 116
    Uxminster says:

    I have never paid any interest whatsoever to Nigella Lawson, and have no opinion about her either way. Perhaps these allegations are true, perhaps not. I would say that Charles Saatchi seems to be truly appalling.

    Nevertheless, this one line,

    “Saatchi’s friends tell people that is why he was looking up her nose that day…”

    seems to demonstrate that you are a pathetic excuse for a human being with no life to speak of. Is this really what you want to be doing with your time? Making gloating, pitifully unfunny “witticisms” on the Internet that would shame the vast majority of 14 year-olds?

    And you seem to attract a worryingly high number of anti-Semitic scum on this blog as well. So, well done. You are contributing to making the country shitter. You would be of far more value to society in prison.

  117. 117
    A Maimed Badger says:

    One would reasonable ask, what drove her to take all these drugs. Perhaps Mr Saatchi has the answer.

  118. 118
    A Blog Regular again says:

    What happened to the posts this post was replying to? why delete them and not my reply? Why only antisemitic posts allowed through and pro-i s r a posts deleted. Something very creepy about all this.

  119. 119
    A Blog Regular again says:

    Ok so now you have gone from banning me for posting pro i s r a comments, to putting my replies as origional posts. You know what, fine, its you’re blog and you can mod as the whim takes you but its sad you want to make your readers think your entire audience are mental anti s e m i t e s when the opposite is true. Won’t bring it up again.

  120. 120
    broderick crawford says:

    the ABSENCE of two nostrils a la whatever her name was from Easenders.

  121. 121
    broderick crawford says:

    yeah … her at number 48 .

  122. 122
    broderick crawford says:

    Sorry guido I have bad eyesight so have to use SIRI ….I am also hard of hearing .

    My SIRI speakback understandding of your headline is :

    Satchmo claims Nigella giving him Head through a bottle of Coke .

    Is this correct pkease ?

    i thought the great Louis was dead !

  123. 123
    Sally *drooling* says:

    didn’t gordon like his log powdered after he laid it

  124. 124
    Interflora in Wraps says:

    “Saatchi’s friends tell people that is why he was looking up her nose that day…”

    He was only trying to get his share.

  125. 125
    charles s is a sad git says:

    quite agree she could be completely off her head for me any day … what a pair

  126. 126
    ron Vibbentrop says:

    The last show I watched she looked totally trolleyed – this explains everything. Still a hot bitch though!

  127. 127
    mrs dale's diary says:

    thats not very nice bunface

  128. 128
    broderick crawford says:

    Really like the word play Fishy .

    Popped down the Co op for a ” block ” of chocolate .

    Should have opted for the Plain Dark ” Dromey” flavour .

    It s on special offer .

  129. 129
    An Blog Regular again says:

    I’m getting old. Is that sarcasm or windowlicking? I’m sure if the state regulated the internet then only pro-muzzie anti- i s r a blogs will exist. For some reason guido is now going down this road. Did the i s r a s bang murdochs wife as well I wonder?

  130. 130
    mrs dale's diary says:

    fine don’t

  131. 131
    A raging cokehead says:

    Omg! Butter wouldn’t melt!

  132. 132
    Anonymous says:

    you are a cock

  133. 133
    Frankie says:

    Ho ho!!

  134. 134
    Old Etonian says:

    He may even have knowing permitted his premises to be used for consumption – its it is true and not just a pack of lies dreamed up by a wifebeater

  135. 135
    Anonymous says:

    A complete one!

  136. 136
    Aldolphe Hitler says:

    No, no, let her come home to Poland.

  137. 137
    Lke you said the bankers ARE scum says:

    Saatchi is a cretinous control freak who didn’t get his own way, so now he’s putting the knife in anyway he can. Could backfire if she decides to sue him, Any award would be huge

  138. 138
    Whar scum some of you are says:

    Disgusting anti-Semitic filth proliferating here

  139. 139
    Displaced Brummie says:

    “Yuz, me ludd. It is my clients contention that, had she not been off her head on certain illegal substances, that she almost certainly would not have married such an ugly old windbag as my client. Oh. sorry, me Ludd. My client has instructed me to ask if I might be allowed to unsay that last remark.”

  140. 140
    Paul Bendybollocks says:


  141. 141
    British opinion says:

    Saatchi is an Iraqi immigrant with all the modernity, charm, sophistication and love of Britain that you’d expect from someone from that mozzed-up shiitehole.

    Send him back there.

  142. 142
    British opinion says:

    He may have even paid for it – it might have been him that gave it to her in the first place. Who knows?

  143. 143
    One-term Dave says:

    I just love to tax people – I don’t really know why I joined the tories.

  144. 144
    Fully cooperative fat super rat in rehab says:

    In China a woman collects waste fat from fatbergs in the sewers. She then distils the fat and sells it to street vendors and restaurants to use in frying foods for human consumption. Cocaine and many other drugs dissolve easily in fat which makes them perfectly suitable to cross the blood brain barrier. This property makes drugs accumulate in fat. How much of London’s cocaine supply is recycled from fatbergs? Where are the most profitable sewers?

  145. 145
    A flying seagull says:

    What has snorting cocaine got to do with religion?

  146. 146
    Keitho says:

    Between the City and Parliament coke is seriously fucking up this country. Nigella isn’t doing anything important so who cares what she does but anybody in a boardroom or parliament should have random drug testing. You can’t get high and operate machinery but it’s OK to runa company or a country FFS.

    Cocaine brings a reckless arrogance to people and it is fucking up all of us whether we do it or not.

  147. 147
    broderick crawford says:

    Gazza Replaces Nigella Lawson On US Cooking Show

    Blubbing underachiever Paul Gascoigne has sensationally replaced curvy fuck bomb Nigella Lawson on US tv show The Taste.

    Cooking tart Lawson is currently embroiled in an unsavoury divorce battle with ex-Charles Saatchi who has labelled her an international drug enthusiast.

    A source within US network ABC confirmed they are excited about working with incompetent alcoholic Gazza.

    The source said: “We just think Paul is so troubled and interesting. The way he has fucked up his life with drink and drugs is so rock star. Being pathetic is really ‘in’ at the moment.”

    A-Class Strumpet Nigella Dropped From The Taste

    Asked about overweight posher Nigella, the source responded: “We like our stars to be upfront about who they are. The fact that she may have been involved in high treason, human trafficking and faking the moon landings is not on. Our uneducated viewers will not accept that.”

    A spokesperson for Gazza revealed that the former footballer is acting as his own spokesperson, because he cannot afford anyone to speak on his behalf.

    He said: “Am actin as me own spokesman like…..cause I’ve drank all me mooney.

    “I’m happy aboot goin on a cooking show like….even though ah canny eat cause ma colostomy bag gets aw runny doon me leg.”

  148. 148
    Richard says:

    Or Fridays, as the case might be.

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