November 18th, 2013

A Very Elegant, Soft Hand in the Till


  1. 1
    A nincumpoop says:

    Who’s Roger Daltrey: I’ll Never Forgive Labour

    Who indeed.

  2. 2
    LB says:

    What’s the bloke doing behind the lap top? Is that where the cream has gone?

  3. 3
    Traveling first class on the gravy train of life says:

    Do any of them pay for anything out of their own pockets, or pay for stuff that isn’t heavily tax payer subsidised?

  4. 4
    honest jon says:

    how can you possibly claim that on expenses and who approved it,

  5. 5
    Wholly, Nescessarily and Exclusively says:

    I am sure it is the bell pulling that nescessitates it

  6. 6
    .... says:

    they leech of us, you leech of them.

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    I thought they had a system to check the validity of expenses now…..

  8. 8
    Ivor Biggun of Mill Hill says:

    Business expenses, she runs a massage parlour and does a great J Arthur rank.

  9. 9
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Penny has been a very naught girl.

  10. 10
    Daily Male says:

    The problem is she has his hands and he has her boobs.
    Swap back and you wont need hand cream love.

  11. 11
    An Angry Aardvark says:

    The guy with the laptop is saying “…and that was how we deleted the pre-2010 archive. Nobody will ever know!”

  12. 12
    Clown (Ex Swivel-Eyed Loon) says:

    Not one for posting youtube vids but this one is a bit special:

  13. 13
    Please may he remain there says:

  14. 14
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion &Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Nearly 2000 years ago cries were heard all over Britain of “The Romans are coming!”

    From next year cries will be heard once more all over Britain of “The Romas are coming!”

    Vote UKIP for the cure :-)

  15. 15
    Poor sod in the suit says:

    The trouble with trains these days is you have to sit five abreast.

  16. 16
    Tan Oye says:

    Doesn’t she make speakers with her mate Mr Short?

  17. 17
    Websters Lefty Dictionary says:

    Line of Credit

    A bit of Charlie that you turn a blind eye to, in order to get a sinecure.

  18. 18
    Mike Hancock says:

    Depends on the breasts.

  19. 19
    Romanian Goat says:

    My master and his many friends from the village have very rough hands due to collecting copper piping.

    See you soon!

  20. 20
    Sur Nob Skelpoff says:

    He spoiled it due to an attack thunderous sharting before the end…

  21. 21
    Russel Sprout says:

    One truck is Miliband, the other is Balls. And the British electorate stands in the middle.

  22. 22
    Three's a crowd says:

    So we have just three passengers an otherwise empty train carriage. Why have this trio decided to sit jammed in like sardines?

  23. 23
    Keep Calm, Vote UKIP says:

    Eat plenty of F’ukushima fish and beef.

    Vote UKIP.

  24. 24
    I shovel shit for a living and Can't claim for fucking hand cream says:

    What’s the matter Penny the pole not greasy enough for you?

  25. 25
    Lefty Urban Dictionary says:

    Line of Credit: Coke supplied to Ed Balls.

  26. 26

    But why are they driving in reverse?

  27. 27
    dai hopefully says:

    there’s nothing like a good hand job

    she’ll pull through!

  28. 28
    Handycock says:

    BOAZ !

  29. 29
    Helena Rubinstein says:

    “Because she’s worth it…..”

  30. 30
    Nasty nip says:

    He’ll go down a bomb in Hiroshima.

  31. 31
    Emperor Hirahito says:

    The secret of Japanese success is to only hand out honorary citizenships.

  32. 32
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    FFS Guido, have a heart. You can’t expect her to give good hand jobs with rough hands.

  33. 33
    B. Ginner says:

    Search engines to block abuse images

    The end of Monday morning Rich’s cartoon then.

  34. 34

    Tho I’m pretty sure the answer is, the footage was run backwards.

  35. 35
    All Politicians should be shot says:

    Apart from drugs , prostitutes and arse whippings , what else do they actually pay for ?

  36. 36
    Clown (Ex Swivel-Eyed Loon) says:


  37. 37
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    I’d be happy to give her some of my cream.

  38. 38
    Toxic Labour for spongers, parasites, immigrants and criminals says:

    No of course they don’t pay for anything. In their exalted position it’s up to the little people to pay for everything.

  39. 39
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:


  40. 40
    Jimmy says:

    He’s just checking his wallet’s still there.

  41. 41
    Jack the Ripper says:

    Surreal! I think I hear the sound of one hand chapping.

  42. 42
    All Politicians should be shot says:

    No need to block them , just send their identity straight to a special police computer
    let the courts decide if it was an accident or not

    Or infect all child porn websites with a virus that destroys the insides of the accessor’s computer

    explain that to your boss !

  43. 43
    H.E. Nigel Farage says:

    Why does it say “H. E. Mr. Herman VAN RUMPUY” on the front of the stage.

    H.E. = His Excellency???

  44. 44
    James Bond says:

    May I suggest instead of licking your finger when counting your money Penny cut the finger off a marigold glove and use that.

  45. 45
    Historian of our times says:

    Did you know you can also get D e s i g n e r v a g i n a s on the NHS now?

  46. 46
    Pigeon Ing Lish says:

    Or He Mr. Herman Van Rompuy.

  47. 47
    Peoples front of Judea says:

    The Aqueducts?…no sorry that was the Romans.

  48. 48
  49. 49
    Chuka Umunna says:

    Fancy having to travel with the trashy hoi polloi!

  50. 50
    Don't shit in your own nest says:

    Micro Guido

    I thought Penny was a lobbyist partner of yours in M e d i a I n t e ll i g e n c e Partners?!

  51. 51
    Ed Balls says:

    Send Ed Miliband he could do with a makeover.

  52. 52
    UKIPareCOMING2015 says:

    It’s to soothe the pain after she loses in 2015.

  53. 53
    The BBC always reports, "The Government has...Labour said..." says:

    He should be checking his bra straps?

  54. 54
  55. 55
    David Cameron says:


  56. 56
    LOL says:

    I love The Sun’s Co-op coverage.


  57. 57
    Japanese UKIP supporter says:

    We have prepared a special dish of Fugu fish for you to try.

  58. 58
    LOL says:

    A new Tory leader/PM before the end of the year?

  59. 59
    Randy Rennard says:

    What she desrves is a good spanking!

  60. 60
    Sick of the greed and lies(still) says:

    I wouldn’t be sure that they don’t claim for those too. remember Mr Jackie Smith and his porn films on the Cable bill.
    Where there is a will, there is a way. It’s just a case of being creative with the receipt details. Whippings = Chiropractor sessions…..

  61. 61
    Ron Barras says:

    Another scummer on the take.

    I keep hearing MPs saying most are well-behaved but Guido’s directory of crooks and scummers has more entries than the Argos catalogue.

  62. 62
    Hobo humping Solbo babe says:

    I’d put my nose in her trough

  63. 63
    nellnewman says:

    Is that you nell?

  64. 64
    Tristram Hunt(Prime Minister Designate) says:

    This says it all really.

    “Do you think David Cameron is doing well or badly as Prime Minister?” Well 37 Badly 56 Don’t know 6″

    Copyright You Gov.

    Put simply,David Cameron is toast !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  65. 65

    Hardly worth the mention as expenses go, is it!

  66. 66
    rick says:

    God bless Paul Sykes.

  67. 67
    Hands that do dishes says:

    I could understand buying Swarfega after having to shake-hands with smelly voters.

  68. 68
    The Stndards & Privileges Committe says:

    So? What’s wrong with that? Lets move on.

  69. 69
    Bryant says:

    Can you put Vasoline on expenses?

  70. 70

    Mordaunt was trying to demonstrate the huge spaces, South West Trains forces it’s put upon passengers, to sit in.

    The seats are actually been made for dwarfs or when their is a ‘nip’ in the air!

    The effect is slightly ruined by the empty, equally ‘spacious’ seats behind her.

  71. 71
    Very Envious Fred says:

    You mean one on the Left as well as one of the Right ?? = Multi Tasking

    that only leaves space for one in front for a good B*J thats real productivity

    even by EUSSR……

  72. 72
    Quiet Bat Person says:

    In my day, women would soften their hands with a well-known brand of washing-up liquid, while they stood at the sink.

    “Mummy, why are you hands so soft?”

    “Because I wash dishes, and don’t have ideas above my station about becoming an MP.”

  73. 73
    House of Charlatans says:

    Don’t forget we are going to Trouser an EXTRA 11 % very soon + more

    expenses while the stinking filthy masses will have to make do with 1%

    or ideally much LESS if anything at all

  74. 74
    Sussex Sid says:

    I think you find that she uses the cream whenever she has to shake hands with fellow Portsmouthian Mike Hancock as you never know where he’s been.

  75. 75
    A Foxy one says:

    a Penny on Expenses is something I make certain I claim every time without

    fail as it all adds up going into my numerous bank accounts…..

    Look after the Pennies & the Millions if not Billions will take care of themselves !!

    PS remember we all going to get 11% increase very soon & just waiting for the

    right time to slip it out….

  76. 76
    Sheffield Abdul says:

    No they fcuking won’t the Roma’s are already camped here in great numbers !!

    I’ve written to my MP EUSSR Cleggy but he’s doe not believe what I say…

    Vote UKIP for the cure :-)

  77. 77
    Joe Public & all Voting UKIP.ORG says:

    And with Guido there are loads of new entries every week GUARANTEED

    Vote UKIP for the cure :-)

    Vote UKIP for the cure :-)

    Vote UKIP for the cure :-)

  78. 78
    Pompey Beautician says:

    She probably needed it after shaking hands with the MP for Portsmouth South.

  79. 79
    NHS indirect says:

    No I understood she has A*I*D*S tests every time she get near him…..

  80. 80
    Jethro says:

    53 He’s just looking so complacent, because he’s found he’s been upgraded from ‘AAA’, to A’.

  81. 81
    Anonymous says:

    Vote Conservative

    Vote Roma

  82. 82
    Fellow traveller says:

    What happened to the antimacassars usually supplied in 1st class carriages?

  83. 83

    And come up with the stench of corruption?

  84. 84

    Honallbal van lumpoy san.

  85. 85
    Headmaster says:

    Penny is cute but she has been a very naughty girl. She clearly needs a damn good spanking :send her to the Whips office!

  86. 86
    Anonymous says:

    There will have to be if the Tory party are to stand any chance of an outright win of the next GE.

  87. 87
    Sir Arthur Strebe-Grebling says:

    She believes in witchcraft, having supported a parliamentary motion for us to provide homeopathy on the NHS, so she probably thinks that hand cream will stop her losing her seat in 2015 after the government pulled the rug from Portsmouth shipbuilding.

  88. 88

    This is a Dove Dishonourable Hand Cream, nourishing with visible effects and purely pampering!

  89. 89
    Keith says:

    Love Dove’s hand cream stops you getting your hands dirty sacking the shipbuilders in one’s constituency.
    Kiss me Hardy!!!

  90. 90
    Geoffrey Brooking says:

    Jim Fleming (That’s the guy on the left who used to be an area tory officer) never could understand how he lost in the safe tory ward of Cosham in May 2012.

  91. 91
    S. Lattern says:

    You are Godfrey Bloom and I claim my prize

  92. 92
    Dillygaff says:

    You can always tell ‘oi polloi by the way in which they refer to ‘the hoi polloi.’ I blame Crosland and Williams.

  93. 93
    Ed's Replacement says:

  94. 94
    Dirty Old Bastard says:

    The bird in the photo is an MP? Really…?! She looks like she’s still at uni’ “studying” for one of those pointless degrees in waste sorting or surfboard waxing or somesuch.

    I’d nail her, though.

  95. 95
    Dirty Old Bastard says:

    F**k me!! She’s bloody 40! Must be an old photo! Surely…?!

    Still would, mind.

  96. 96
    miilne says:

    He lost the seat, so naturally enough he got promoted.

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