November 18th, 2013

A Very Elegant, Soft Hand in the Till

As another round of expense receipts are published a special prize goes to Tory MP Penny Mordaunt, who claimed £4.37 for some Dove hand cream. Taxpayer-funded moisturising is creative even by their standards…


96 Comments

  1. 1
    A nincumpoop says:

    Who’s Roger Daltrey: I’ll Never Forgive Labour

    Who indeed.

    Like

  2. 2
    LB says:

    What’s the bloke doing behind the lap top? Is that where the cream has gone?

    Like

  3. 3
    Traveling first class on the gravy train of life says:

    Do any of them pay for anything out of their own pockets, or pay for stuff that isn’t heavily tax payer subsidised?

    Like

    • 38
      Toxic Labour for spongers, parasites, immigrants and criminals says:

      No of course they don’t pay for anything. In their exalted position it’s up to the little people to pay for everything.

      Like

      • 73
        House of Charlatans says:

        Don’t forget we are going to Trouser an EXTRA 11 % very soon + more

        expenses while the stinking filthy masses will have to make do with 1%

        or ideally much LESS if anything at all

        Like

  4. 4
    honest jon says:

    how can you possibly claim that on expenses and who approved it,

    Like

  5. 5
    Wholly, Nescessarily and Exclusively says:

    I am sure it is the bell pulling that nescessitates it

    http://dove.cccbr.org.uk/home.php

    Like

  6. 6
    .... says:

    they leech of us, you leech of them.

    Like

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    I thought they had a system to check the validity of expenses now…..

    Like

  8. 8
    Ivor Biggun of Mill Hill says:

    Business expenses, she runs a massage parlour and does a great J Arthur rank.

    Like

  9. 9
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Penny has been a very naught girl.

    Like

    • 75
      A Foxy one says:

      a Penny on Expenses is something I make certain I claim every time without

      fail as it all adds up going into my numerous bank accounts…..

      Look after the Pennies & the Millions if not Billions will take care of themselves !!

      PS remember we all going to get 11% increase very soon & just waiting for the

      right time to slip it out….

      Like

  10. 10
    Daily Male says:

    The problem is she has his hands and he has her boobs.
    Swap back and you wont need hand cream love.

    Like

  11. 11
    An Angry Aardvark says:

    The guy with the laptop is saying “…and that was how we deleted the pre-2010 archive. Nobody will ever know!”

    Like

  12. 13
    Please may he remain there says:

    Like

  13. 14
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion &Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Nearly 2000 years ago cries were heard all over Britain of “The Romans are coming!”

    From next year cries will be heard once more all over Britain of “The Romas are coming!”

    Vote UKIP for the cure :-)

    Like

    • 76
      Sheffield Abdul says:

      No they fcuking won’t the Roma’s are already camped here in great numbers !!

      I’ve written to my MP EUSSR Cleggy but he’s doe not believe what I say…

      Vote UKIP for the cure :-)

      Like

  14. 15
    Poor sod in the suit says:

    The trouble with trains these days is you have to sit five abreast.

    Like

  15. 17
    Websters Lefty Dictionary says:

    Line of Credit

    A bit of Charlie that you turn a blind eye to, in order to get a sinecure.

    Like

  16. 19
    Romanian Goat says:

    My master and his many friends from the village have very rough hands due to collecting copper piping.

    See you soon!

    Like

  17. 24
    I shovel shit for a living and Can't claim for fucking hand cream says:

    What’s the matter Penny the pole not greasy enough for you?

    Like

  18. 29
    Helena Rubinstein says:

    “Because she’s worth it…..”

    Like

  19. 33
    B. Ginner says:

    Search engines to block abuse images

    The end of Monday morning Rich’s cartoon then.

    Like

    • 39
      The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

      +100

      Like

    • 42
      All Politicians should be shot says:

      No need to block them , just send their identity straight to a special police computer
      let the courts decide if it was an accident or not

      Or infect all child porn websites with a virus that destroys the insides of the accessor’s computer

      explain that to your boss !

      Like

  20. 35
    All Politicians should be shot says:

    Apart from drugs , prostitutes and arse whippings , what else do they actually pay for ?

    Like

    • 47
      Peoples front of Judea says:

      The Aqueducts?…no sorry that was the Romans.

      Like

    • 60
      Sick of the greed and lies(still) says:

      I wouldn’t be sure that they don’t claim for those too. remember Mr Jackie Smith and his porn films on the Cable bill.
      Where there is a will, there is a way. It’s just a case of being creative with the receipt details. Whippings = Chiropractor sessions…..

      Like

  21. 37
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    I’d be happy to give her some of my cream.

    Like

  22. 41
    Jack the Ripper says:

    Surreal! I think I hear the sound of one hand chapping.

    Like

  23. 44
    James Bond says:

    May I suggest instead of licking your finger when counting your money Penny cut the finger off a marigold glove and use that.

    Like

  24. 45
    Historian of our times says:

    Did you know you can also get D e s i g n e r v a g i n a s on the NHS now?

    Like

  25. 50
    Don't shit in your own nest says:

    Micro Guido

    I thought Penny was a lobbyist partner of yours in M e d i a I n t e ll i g e n c e Partners?!

    http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2010/mar/14/david-cameron-embarrassment-over-tory-candidate-lobbying-links

    Like

  26. 54
  27. 56
    LOL says:

    I love The Sun’s Co-op coverage.

    “THE CRYSTAL METHODIST”.

    Like

  28. 59
    Randy Rennard says:

    What she desrves is a good spanking!

    Like

  29. 61
    Ron Barras says:

    Another scummer on the take.

    I keep hearing MPs saying most are well-behaved but Guido’s directory of crooks and scummers has more entries than the Argos catalogue.

    Like

    • 77
      Joe Public & all Voting UKIP.ORG says:

      And with Guido there are loads of new entries every week GUARANTEED

      Vote UKIP for the cure :-)

      Vote UKIP for the cure :-)

      Vote UKIP for the cure :-)

      Like

  30. 62
    Hobo humping Solbo babe says:

    I’d put my nose in her trough

    Like

  31. 64
    Tristram Hunt(Prime Minister Designate) says:

    This says it all really.

    “Do you think David Cameron is doing well or badly as Prime Minister?” Well 37 Badly 56 Don’t know 6″

    Copyright You Gov.

    Put simply,David Cameron is toast !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  32. 65

    Hardly worth the mention as expenses go, is it!

    Like

  33. 67
    Hands that do dishes says:

    I could understand buying Swarfega after having to shake-hands with smelly voters.

    Like

  34. 68
    The Stndards & Privileges Committe says:

    So? What’s wrong with that? Lets move on.

    Like

  35. 69
    Bryant says:

    Can you put Vasoline on expenses?

    Like

  36. 74
    Sussex Sid says:

    I think you find that she uses the cream whenever she has to shake hands with fellow Portsmouthian Mike Hancock as you never know where he’s been.

    Like

  37. 85
    Headmaster says:

    Penny is cute but she has been a very naughty girl. She clearly needs a damn good spanking :send her to the Whips office!

    Like

  38. 87
    Sir Arthur Strebe-Grebling says:

    She believes in witchcraft, having supported a parliamentary motion for us to provide homeopathy on the NHS, so she probably thinks that hand cream will stop her losing her seat in 2015 after the government pulled the rug from Portsmouth shipbuilding.

    Like

  39. 88

    This is a Dove Dishonourable Hand Cream, nourishing with visible effects and purely pampering!

    Like

  40. 89
    Keith says:

    Love Dove’s hand cream stops you getting your hands dirty sacking the shipbuilders in one’s constituency.
    Kiss me Hardy!!!

    Like

  41. 90
    Geoffrey Brooking says:

    Jim Fleming (That’s the guy on the left who used to be an area tory officer) never could understand how he lost in the safe tory ward of Cosham in May 2012.

    Like

  42. 93
    Ed's Replacement says:

    Like

  43. 94
    Dirty Old Bastard says:

    The bird in the photo is an MP? Really…?! She looks like she’s still at uni’ “studying” for one of those pointless degrees in waste sorting or surfboard waxing or somesuch.

    I’d nail her, though.

    Like

  44. 95
    Dirty Old Bastard says:

    F**k me!! She’s bloody 40! Must be an old photo! Surely…?!

    Still would, mind.

    Like


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“You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, you don’t win in politics without breaking legs.”



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Without Predujice

Darling

What time will dinner be ready this evening?

Yours

Rob Wilson MP

In the interests of me I am placing a copy of this email in the public domain.


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