October 21st, 2013

Osborne: the Naked “Son of a Curtain Salesman”

The Chancellor is only commenting through his lawyers – who dismiss Natalie Rowe as a dodgy witness – but the former hooker from that photo has her book out today. Guido will bring you some key extracts today, suitable for a family blog.

Their first meeting:

“Chris met George Osborne while at Oxford; they were both members of the infamous Bullingdon Club. By the time I started seeing William, the three of them were close friends and often turned up at my place together. I called them my ‘Three Musketeers’. Individually, William was ‘Willie Wonka’, George was ‘Georgie Porgie’ and Chris was ‘Christopher Robin’. George first arrived at my place with Chris, along with his friend Philip Delves Broughton, a writer for the New York Times. George was an attractive 22-year-old and it was immediately clear that girls considered him to be highly eligible – they were always vying for his attention. I thought he was quite good-looking but much preferred William. At this time George didn’t show any signs of the defiant character he went on to display as Chancellor of the Exchequer. Chris and William teased him about his background, that he was the “son of a curtain salesman” (his father is the co-founder of Osborne & Little, the fabric and wallpaper designers) and because he didn’t go to Eton. George took it without complaint; he had this ‘look’ he would give me that said ‘How pathetic are they?’”

Osborne gets naked:

“On one particularly drunken evening at my flat in Prince of Wales Terrace, I made a bet with George, Chris and William that they would strip off naked, run out the door, down the street to a building that was fifty metres away and back again. The first one back would get a ‘prize’. Eventually, after a bit of cajoling, the three of them agreed, stripped off and waited by the front door. “Ready?” I said, my hand on the door handle. “Set… Go!” I threw open the door and off they ran down the front steps, bottoms wobbling as they pounded down the street. And, of course, I locked the door and went back inside. I watched as they came running back, cheering them on. They all arrived more or less at the same time and couldn’t believe what I’d done to them. “Please let me back in!” the future Chancellor of the Exchequer pleaded. They all begged, hands over their willies, and I just watched, laughing. I laughed so much that I collapsed and thought I might even wee myself. Luckily for them, my building was in a quiet cul-de-sac. I gave them a good few minutes, which must have seemed like hours, god knows what any passer-by would have made of three naked men standing in the street. Finally, when I’d decided they’d had enough, I let them back in. They loved it and were all laughing afterwards – they’d enjoyed the joke.”

Rowe is very clear that the character of “Joe”, a young politician with the safe word “Mary” is not Osborne.

Though regular readers will remember the word “Louise” from a while back…


  1. 1
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    OMG a smoker…


    • 9
      Engineer says:

      They could increase sales even more by sticking Gloria de Piero’s tits on the front cover.


      • 16
        Engineer says:

        It’ll be a good test of Labour’s integrity, this. It comes to light that G de P has a bit of a past, and it’s “We’re so proud of Gloria; everybody is entitled to a youthful indiscretion or two”.

        Wonder if they’ll be as ‘mature’ about the Osborne youthful indiscretions?


    • 28
      Huge Grunt says:

      i’ll bet she’s DEVINE when her mouth is full


    • 30
      Anonymous says:

      Clintons explained that whilst he smoked dr ugs,
      that he did not inhale….

      I wonder if George could come up with a similar explanation if he needed to…

      Sniff sniff…


  2. 2
    George Gideon Oliver Osborne says:

    If all else fails,I will obtain a Super Injunction,remember those ?


  3. 3
    No smoke without fire says:

    Proof that Osborne had a fag.


  4. 4
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    I can’t wait for the film to be released.


    • 18
      walking into the darkness says:

      Osborne, always thought of him as a snivelling guttersnipe. But thank god it now appears he’s been to something vaguely interesting at least once in his life.


  5. 5
    Popeye says:

    Someone written a book?
    Proof would be a fine thing, but in this peculiar age not essential.


  6. 6
    Doris Goldblatt says:

    The Chancellor is only commenting through his lawyers – who dismiss David Cameron as a dodgy Prime Minister.

    About time too !


  7. 7
    All the world says:

    mary? louise? – who are these people?


  8. 8
    bumbry says:

    He likes women? How novel.


  9. 10
    watt the dickens says:

    Wot larks eh?


  10. 11
    Podiceps says:

    I don’t think any the worse of him for this exploit. Remind me of when I was young and perhaps even sillier than I am now.


    • 17
      Anonymous says:

      I remember being young also. But I class that as what happened when I was still in education. Exactly how old was he when he was still silly?

      No do not answer that. We all know by listening to him. Anything new and exciting is always best. The last week proves that. Will he mature soon, or is it a lost cause?


  11. 12
    Owen Jones says:

    He will be first against the wall come the revolution.


  12. 13
    Old Historian says:

    Ho hum.


  13. 15
    Gypsy curse says:

    May you spend the rest of your days as the naked son of a curtain salesman.


  14. 19
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m afraid I couldn’t tempt quite such an exotic lady with my bag of empty beer cans and bricks.


  15. 20
    Sir William Waid says:



  16. 22
    gramma says:

    Natalie Rowe – the former hooker.

    Having seen recent photos of her I believe one or other rugby team must be missing an exceptional front row forward.


  17. 23
    Ed Davey says:

    Energy? Policy? Not sure what you mean….


  18. 26
  19. 27
    Laurie Penny says:

    He is a penis oppressor.


  20. 29
    poor as feck says:



  21. 31
    bobby47 says:

    “Beware the naked salesman selling his shirt …’.


  22. 32
    spleeling B says:

    I was looking for the CURTIAN piece. Are they related to the Martians?


  23. 33
    dai puzzled says:

    fancy abandoning the comfort of a regular beating drugs and sex for the
    lashings of cold tongue and howells of disdain that are the normal fare
    of politics


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