October 14th, 2013

SKETCH: Reverse Ferrets Running Labour Welfare Policy

More than one debutante appeared in the Commons at question time for the glamour department that Work and Pensions has become.

Tory TV star Esther McVey moved into a new spotlight. Confident, fluent, blonde. Did I say blonde? I meant attra- I meant professional.

Mike Penning, the person more responsible than anyone for IDS’ disastrous election as Tory leader is now his disability minister. That needs no comment, at least.

For Labour, Chris Bryant, something of a cult, has been reprogrammed and is promoting the opposite of devoutly-held pieties he previously professed. He is steadily on course to be one of the Commons’ Nearly Men.

And then Rachel Reeves, cruelly characterised by the BBC-left as “boring-snoring”, set out to put new life into her career.

She is often “tipped to be the next leader of the Labour party”. But the tipsters are Tory optimists looking for someone less inspirational, engaging, in-touch, life-enhancing than the toothsome incumbent. She is a rare candidate.

Hair and makeup – a success. The voice – yet to succeed. Personality – platform announcement.

“We apologise for the delayed arrival of the policy on platform 1. This was due to delays. The policy is in reverse formation. Tory coaches are at the back of the train. We apologise for any inconvenience to your voting intentions.”

IDS suggests that Labour’s new approach to welfare is a horlicks of false intentions and bad faith. Reeves and Bryant say they will out-tough the Tories but have voted against every measure to save a cent.

Frank Field asked how many permanent secretaries IDS would get through before his insane computer program finally crashes/burns/turns into a black hole and sucks the universe in. “It will be on time and within budget,” IDS claimed, heroically. And then demanded an apology for £26bn of failed Labour IT projects.

There is a lesson in there, truth to tell.

It is absolutely inconceivable that he or anyone else can deliver a real-time computer system to track Britain’s beneficiaries. Luckily it’s due in 2017, beyond the political event horizon.

Dangerous statistic: “600,000 unemployed eastern Europeans”. IDS refused to endorse the figure saying it included non-working-age migrants.


  1. 1
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    Had enough of the LibLabCon traitors?

    Are you a patriot and want your country back?

    1.Stop paying the telly tax

    2. Stop buying the lying rags laughably calling themselves newspapers

    3. Vote UKIP at every opportunity

    Remember vote early,vote often,vote UKIP :-)


    • 6
      RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

      GREAT !! I endorse this :)


    • 7
      Bloomers says:


      • 14
        Maq­boul says:

        UKIP seems to have peaked.


        • 22
          Casual Observer 4 says:

          UKIP do not do so well on ICM polls.


          • They're Lying....Again... says:

            UKIP don’t do anywhere near as well in these polls as they do at the actual polls. The pollsters always pretend they are shocked, when UKIP get 25% or more of actual votes cast.


        • 75
          Vote UKIP - don't get owned says:

          “There is also a Survation poll in the Mail on Sunday, which has topline voting intention figures of CON 27%(-2), LAB 37%(nc), LDEM 11%(nc), UKIP 18%(+1). Changes are from their previous poll back in August. “


        • 139
          poll Somerton and Frome says:

          Poll in the Somerset Standard, which has topline voting intention figures of CON 45%(nc), LAB 4%(nc), LDEM 45%(nc), UKIP 3%(+1), all others 3%(-1). Changes are from their previous poll back in August.

          David Heath, current MP, is to step down at the next election.

          Can Boris stand. He is local to Somerset.


    • 15
      The Doncaster Ale Drinker says:

      So UKIP supporters advocate breaking the law and “killing ecoloons”.

      Godfrey Bloom might have left but there’s a right pile of nutters left behind.


      • 37
        Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

        It’s only fair as they are trying to kill pensioners and take us back to the dark ages :-)


        • 146
          Anonymous says:

          Have you not considered that your over-the-top name and on-going comments might turn out to be counter-productive? For while such spin might work with the Yanks – we Brits have had years of spotting and rejecting such BS.


          • Real Conservatives vote UKIP says:

            If you’re so bloody clever at rejecting bullshit then how come we’ve stuck with the bunch of crooks who like to think they’re entitled to lord it over us?


          • Anonymous says:

            Put it this way. Having been conned by Tony and his mates, we now have to put up with ComDem and all their bullshit – so if would be great if UKIP would stand up for the wo/man in the street. Yet since many UKIP backers are from the the same old upper/business class – is this likely to happen?


      • 38

        Killing ecoloons is a public service which will save the country £Billions. A suitable death would be attaching them to small hot-air balloons and launching them upwind of a wind-farm Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, just like mincing up rare birds of prey is actually saving them, so mincing up ecoloons would be saving them.


        • 153
          Sir William Waid says:

          Don’t forget that ecoloons can be recycled into dozens of useful, environmentally-sensitive products.


        • 220
          Blowing Whistles says:

          I’m glad I never bought into all that AGW/CC guff by Al Gore and his friends – otherwise I’d be looking like a right fucking turkey who would vote for Christmas if I was told to?

          Have lessons been learned – You Cognitive Dissonance suffering nut-jobs / monkeys?


      • 238
        Jabba Le Chat says:

        Ecoloons should be used as fox replacements in fox hunting, and the fox hounds replaced by Rottweilers. A splendid time guaranteed for all…


    • 325
      LibLab LibCon ConLab LibLabCon take your pick says:

      @Axe The Telly Tax
      “1.Stop paying the telly tax
      2. Stop buying the lying rags laughably calling themselves newspapers
      3. Vote UKIP at every opportunity
      Remember vote early,vote often,vote UKIP”

      I endorse this comment and commend you to this helpful video clip entitled
      “How To Avoid The TV Licence Legally”


  2. 2
    Aechmophorus says:

    Is a reverse ferret like a surrender monkey?


    • 83
      Rachel Reevezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz says:

      We will do a reverse ferret on any policy where we find that the Government’s is more popular than ours e.g. welfare, education; or anywhere we can make cheap political bribes to the electorate e.g. energy prices. Everything will be paid for by taxing bankers’ bonuses.


  3. 3

    For Labour, Chris Bryant, something of a cult

    Check your spelling.


  4. 4
    A nincumpoop says:

    THERE he is!


  5. 5
    maggie the dog says:

    I’m sure their were better things to watch


  6. 8
    A nincumpoop says:

    “It will be on time and within budget.”

    In IT? No such thing*.

    *unless it’s incomplete


  7. 9
    James Carr says:

    Do you write this when drunk, or when very drunk?


  8. 10
    Drake's Drum says:

    I am enjoying these sketches. It’s refreshing to read copy free of typos, grammatical errors and errant apostrophes. Keep up the good work.


  9. 17
    The Doncaster Ale Drinker says:

    Excellent work Simon, you got Rachel Snoores just right.


  10. 21
    Lady Fenella Snortingale (UKIP) says:

    I see that the Conservatives have a problem with ministerial selections. According to Exaro 6 former Conservative MPs and one former senior Cabinet Minister have been named as part of an Amsterdam child porn ring. Whilst the figures directly involved may be formers, who were their spads and research assistants? Watch this space…..


  11. 23
    EU Funded Pro-EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP


  12. 24
    Bill Quango MP-9 says:

    Rachel Reeves as a platform announcer. Now that is a good, good spot.

    Captures her monotone, detail devoid, insincerity perfectly. You can picture her in an old Giles cartoon, making her train announcement beside a BR -“We’re getting there” slogan emblazoned on a tortoise.

    That one will stick.


  13. 25

    Chris Bryant is certainly a massive cult.

    I met IDS at the Commons in 1999 on a tea on the terrace trip. I was being shown round the chamber (for the umpteenth time), when it was not in session, and we sat on the green benches on the opposition side at the far end. I always thought him to be a good, articulate debater and TV performer at that time. He had the shadow defence brief under Hague but would be fielded on the TV on any and every subject when called upon. I confess that when it came to the ballot I voted for him in favour of Ken Clarke.

    The party leadership seemed to kill him. I could never work out why. It was almost as if he became a different person. He lost his clarity and appeal. The rest is history. Really Hague sold out. Many party leaders have had to expect to lose an election before they can win one. He went off and earned a pot of money. Good luck on that score but it was better he had not stood in the first place IMO.


  14. 34
    Casual Observer 4 says:

    What %’age of UK benefits recipients are Eastern European, or simply, European rather than English ?


    • 39
      Owen Jones' anal wart says:

      I thought we were European?


    • 43
      Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

      How many were not born in the UK would be a more interesting figure.


      • 185
        UpYours says:

        Just as interesting would be the figure of us GB taxpayers who weren’t born in the UK…
        I suspect the thought that foreigners pay a substantial amount of British taxes would shut you up.
        I was getting fed up with your incessant pathetic whining, so I’ve sacked my British workers and emigrated to a much nicer place with a much lower cost of living where you can still leave your doors open.


  15. 42
    EU Watch says:

    Accurate tea leaf reader does it again:


    Croat!a acceded to the EU and has seen exports drop by 11% in the its first year.

    PressEurop has reported that EU accession ‘ has exposed Croatia to greater international competition, and the loss of privileges associated with the Central European Free Trade Agreement (CEFTA)’

    What happens next in Croat!a ? High unemployment and civil unrest.


    • 44
      Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

      Everything the EU touches turns to shite.

      Remember vote early,vote often,vote UKIP :-)


      • 48

        The EU comes in promising everything until you sign , then it proceeds to suck the lifeblood out of the country bringing it to it’s knee’s and then it has to go begging cap in hand back to the EU in order to survive thus becoming totally reliant on sucking on the EU tit


    • 63
      Herman Von Rumploe says:

      What next? Why immigration from the North African coast of course.
      The Italians will bebussing those Algerians right along to you. As many as you can take. 1 million? 2 million? Don’t forget to give them all housing and benefits and medical and pensions..

      Best you raise your tax rate to 74% on your indigenous now or you’ll never be able to afford it.


      • 71
        EU Watch says:

        This could solve the boat-sink-drowning problems:


      • 74
        Do one Rumpy says:

        A couple of years ago, I saw a prog. about this and they were interviewing 5 young African gentlemen who had just landed in Southern Italy. The interviewer asked each one where they were heading for eventually. “England” was the unanimous reply.


        • 114

          I used to frequent a fantastic restaurant in Tenerife they had three Moroccan waiters
          we used to have a real good laugh with them , as their sole ambition in life was to come to England with us
          when the owner went home they would come over and have a few drinks with us (all on the house lol)
          As muslims they had no concept of alcohol , when the wife asked for a Cointreau, he brought her a pint (neat)

          I would slap their wrists and say “Allah will not like this ” they would plead with us to take them back to England with us etc

          The point being they all worked and the last time i saw them although they still lived together , they were working in different bars around Tenerife

          and they didn’t really have any intention of coming here , as they had jobs only the work shy want to get here at all costs


        • 280
          Infidel says:

          Oi you! Didn’t you read that entry in the previous post that non-Mozzies are not allowed to use the word ‘Allah’? Report to the nearest mosque at once to have your head removed (just in time for the sacrificial Eid too).


  16. 45

    Sky news poll
    52% of us would vote for a party which is in favour of curbing immigration
    Most of us think immigration is damaging the country
    62% want the door shutting now

    Dave and George ‘s solution +” It was all labour’s fault”
    Os-bore ” we inherited this problem from the last government and
    “IN THE SHORT TIME WE HAVE BEEN IN OFFICE” we have cut it by a third !

    WANKER !

    It’s amazing what you can do with figures


    • 53
      Enriched Eric of Enfield says:

      52%? Fixed. Even the beeb`s Sunday am show with the question for an hour, “were the previous party of Tommy R worth a light” scored 95%. That`s 95% on the beeb!!! Moosie reps left floundering and mumbling!


      • 65
        Harbottle says:

        Yes I saw that result being announced-through gritted teeth-at the end of this programme (does it stand for Sunday about mullahs?).


    • 68
      Bill Quango MP - 9 says:

      Something wrong.

      More people want to stop immigration immediately than want o stop immigration at all?
      Most people think immigration is damaging the nation but only half want to do anything about it?

      Is this a reverse engineered Guardian poll ?


  17. 47
    A brainwashed Auld bag in Edinburgh says:

    600,000 unemployed eastern europeans? If true, that will be a huge boost for u-
    Skip and their supporters!


  18. 51
    500,000 Romanians says:

    We are coming for UK benefits and then find your bad laydees for sex, yes please?


  19. 56
    UN Breaking News says:

    One Million men have been arrested in connection with the you-know what photo kit. The MET are to interview each of the men in Portugal, in the presence of extra officers from the MET. And their wives,children and SIR David Jsnson and SIR Thingy McCartney.


    • 95
      Elf n Safety says:

      We are very worried about their potential exposure to sunburn. We should fly in some specially trained staff to administer UV protection.


    • 226
      Blowing Whistles says:

      I wish this new NSA group would start looking at the serious and organised crime (The Criminal enterprises of ‘Partnerships) going on in every local council up and down the fucking country. They may even save the taxpayer billions what?


  20. 57
    Enriched Eric of Enfield says:

    Four suspected Islamic terrorists held in series of dramatic raids across London amid fears of ‘Kenyan mall-style gun attack’ on British soil——–D Mail.

    Perhaps banning certain people is now in order.


  21. 58
    Doris Goldblatt says:

    Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim sisters, brothers and friends all over the world ! May Allah bless you guys with all that you want :)


    • 282
      Wot we want for Winterval ... says:

      Nice thought Doris, but the fact is it is very difficult to find virgins anywhere in Merseyide.


  22. 59

    I welcome ALL Chinese people to Britain , Students , tourists business men you are all welcome
    Today i have dropped the cap on China for a mere £800,000 airport expansion in Manchester
    Well we will need much bigger airports to accommodate a Billion Chinese migrants won’t we ?
    Fuck British students if they want to study they can go to eastern europe
    all the red brick universities are reserved for my new rich friends from the Far East (and i don’t mean Newcastle What !)

    I now know why they called China “the third world” It’s because they now own a third of it


    • 70
      Broken banksy says:

      So..you prefer we take in the uneducated illiterate diseased instead?
      No wonder the country is fucked with you lefty Mogg’s having a say.


      • 303
        Just say no to immigration says:

        When don’t need to import either.

        Here’s a radical idea. Let’s try and become self sufficient in skills and work force.

        I know it’ll piss off all the rent seekers, the profiteers, slum landlords, serf employers, the labour party, the BBC and all the other vested interests keeping the mass immigration racket going. Good.

        Immigration was only ever about vested business interests lining their pockets and the labour party gerrymandering their vote.


    • 283
      Fellow traveller says:

      Surely it must have been more than 800,000 quid? That is approaching the fare for an awayday return to Birmingham.


  23. 61
    EU Watch says:

    In !taly, Al!talia is being bailed out by the government:


    Despite state subsidy of national carriers being ‘un-competitive’, !taly’s actions could be fine under EU law if what they are doing are within the rules for restructuring.

    Meanwhile, raising capital gains tax from 20% to 22% is being considered, and the !talian government is starting to sell off historic sites to plug its budget gaps.


    How much would you bid for this ?


  24. 67
    EU Watch says:

    For all it’s trouble, political analysis in G’reece is still to the point and accurate:


  25. 72
    Hoots! It's Clown says:

    A charidee very kindly provided the ward with the new iPad.

    I was just chatting to Siri when it boomed out “Shut it, ya big Jock gob-shite! Are you fuckin’ mental?”

    Which is uncanny, as that’s exactly what Tony used to say!


  26. 73
    Can we do it? says:


  27. 86
    Hackney leads the way! says:

    Can’t see Abbott doing much cycling, it would be like a hippopotamus sitting on a razor blade.


  28. 88
    @DavidCamermong #TITINNUMBER10 RT :) says:

    Vote UKIP.


  29. 96
    Observer says:

    I think that Mr Carr means that Ed Miliband is toothy rather than “toothsome”, unless he really considers the Labour leader to be appetising and palatable!


  30. 102

    I am now a UKIP supporter but have to admit that the Conservatives are ahead on some points:



  31. 109
    Casual Observer 4 says:

    O/T Thought experiment for SC:

    The living / dead status of the M’cCann girl can be considered to be analogous to the cat in the locked box thought experiment. The only way to open the box is by finding the girl, to find out what state she is in.

    From a meta-physical point of view, hope would keep her alive. Rejecting hope gives way to death. This is the situation for many observers who were not directly involved.

    Is this a good demonstration of how manipulation of the belief of the masses could cause real change in the physical world ? Possibly an unplanned experiment one would hasten to add.


    • 117
      The Public says:

      On the other hand, we could, like most people, all just get on with our lives and not pay any attention to this at all.


    • 121

      Someone said to me this summer that the metaphysical was only that which had not yet occurred. You are now saying to me the metaphysical is only that which had not yet been discovered. Not sure I agree with either.

      My view is that the metaphysical is only that which we do not know, other than by instinct.

      Our job is to rationalise it better than that.

      Metaphysics is the finding of bad reasons for what we believe upon instinct; but to find these reasons is no less an instinct. – F H Bradley


      • 144
        Casual Observer 4 says:

        Am regarding the meta-physics from the more basic perspective of what is actually there.

        In this case, not having met any of the people involved even, absent belief of what others have related there is nothing directly available from my observation point to prove that a girl existed in the first place.

        From this point of view perhaps it is belief of the individual that is partly forming the world around.

        Keeping hope alive would keep the abstract notion of the girl alive, which would result in a material gain at minimum for the fund, and those involved in the search.

        Still trying to figure how massive advances can be made in a case by going back to the start.


  32. 110
    Hmmm 4 once Icke is spot on says:

    The Mail article included a few quotes by Ralph Miliband, showing Miliband to be a radical cosmopolitan Marxist. So what else is new? Throughout his entire adult life Ralph had indeed been a radical cosmopolitan devoted to ‘progressive’ international working class politics and naturally opposed to any nationalism and local patriotism. However The Daily Mail was soon to learn, at its cost, that elaborating on the non-patriotic nature intrinsic to cosmopolitanism is practically forbidden in 2013 ‘free’ Britain.’


  33. 115
    Brown shite says:

    Labour and their vermin ermine!


  34. 116
    A genetically fucked up magician. says:

    Is that Jon Snow?


  35. 118
    My Fat Eastern European Gypo on Crap4 says:

    ” Frank Field asked how many
    permanent secretaries IDS would get
    through before his insane computer
    program finally crashes/burns/turns
    into a black hole and sucks the
    universe in. “It will be on time and
    within budget,” IDS claimed,
    heroically. And then demanded an
    apology for £26bn of failed Labour IT

    Labour are IT fuckwits!


    • 124

      No they weren’t some of their sons were directors of the companies syphoning all our money off (unchecked)


  36. 129
    Hacked off with the McCanns says:

    I fail to see how the McCanns can describe themselves as victims of the press.

    The reality is quite the opposite. With their government spokesman they used the press every day with their “press conference” and not once did the press criticise them for leaving their children alone. They were given acres of newsprint and days of telly time.

    Their so called “victim status” only occurred when the Portuguese police made them official suspects and the press merely reported what the Portuguese police and papers were saying. That is not victimisation, that is reporting.

    But even now, when the majority of the UK public are fed up with them (and ALL the Portuguese public) the press and the TV are fully supportive of the McCanns and their remote babysitting methods.

    Victims My Harris.

    It’s not the McCanns who should be the center of attention anyway (other than police investigations). The attention belongs to Madeleine.


    • 168
      Anonymous says:

      And yet, while the majority of the UK public are fed up with ice-like McCanns, the BBC continue to suck up to the the ice-people and refuse to ask any hard questions – almost as if they are the Royals.


      • 266
        Casual Observer 4 says:

        That would be the pro-bono C’arter R’uck effect.


      • 286
        Can someone explain? says:

        We still don’t know why Gordon the Wonder horse busted a gut to assist with this case. Are they related or something? Otherwise, this seems to be just a case of a kiddie going missing thanks to negligent parents who left her unattended in an otherwise empty flat. There really is something excessively fishy about all of this and I see no hope of either police force ever getting to what really happened that night.


        • 352
          Anonymous says:

          For a telling insight into the mindset of the media, check the film: Ace In The Hole. As if the modern media would ever act like that today?


  37. 130
    Pindown says:

    Jeremy Hunt is related to Virg!nia Bottomley:


    This is common knowledge though, isn’t it ?

    Perhaps significant’ish with the expansion of Savile cases in NHS hospitals.


  38. 136
    Spongers says:

    Switch to Channel 5 now for documentary On Benefits and Proud. Mother of 11 living off lifelong bennies.


  39. 137
    Ancient joker says:

    Ah, the fragrant Baroness Nettlestone, known as v!rgin for short but not for long.


  40. 138

    Tricky Dicky and the Ginga Leech!


  41. 141
    The Genetically fucked up magician on Crap4 says:

    And now for my next trick?


  42. 145
    Reader says:

    Jesus, Guido, this site is now incredibly unstable.


  43. 147

    WTF is this like this?

    FFS! Didn’t we do this all before and the fucking thing broke (I helped to break it – but schtum on that!)

    It takes ages for the page to load and jumps up and down like a backbencher with St Vitus.


    • 150

      I went to click on Jimmy @6:56 pm and nothing happened.


      • 154
        Bilda Berger says:

        That’s because “Jimmy” doesn’t exist. Posts purporting to be by him are generated by a program fed with all the mantras and superstitions of the left. The algorithms are quite simple but the resulting expressions can be amazingly complex and even lifelike. Sometimes, by chance, there is even an uncanny spark of wit.

        Development of the algo was funded by Unite; the first instantiation was launched in a humanoid named the Draper, which malfunctioned and had to be recalled. The Watson fared a little better but has now also been scrapped (trouble with the cybernetics). The Abbotopotamus has also gone haywire; Jimmy is not allowed out of the lab., so is still just about working.


      • 270
        Jimmy says:

        Well there goes my canonisation.


  44. 148
    The Genetically fucked up magician on Crap4 says:

    Lying is in Labour Genes.


  45. 149
    Reader says:

    Fucking hell. This is rubbish. Sack your IT guy Guido.

    It looks like his last job was with the government.


  46. 151

    107 seconds to load the page. This is not the way to go.


  47. 152
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Fuckin’ hell we’re having another Earthquake !!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  48. 155
    Spongers says:

    On Benefits & Proud is pretty depressing viewing. The young children are blameless, but the parents are wretched. One mother said she buys things half price from local shoplifters. She spends £300 a week on food from Iceland and feeds her children frozen food all deep fried.

    One girl, who lives off benefits and said whenever she wants something extra she calls her boyfriend, said without the slightest hint of irony “I’m an independent young lady”.

    Others have said they won’t work because they don’t like certain jobs.

    Fucking miserable state of affairs.


    • 287
      Can someone explain? says:

      Cut their bennies to ten quid a week. Don’t work – don’t eat. Simple really. It just needs some balls in our politicians to stop all this nonsense in a matter of days.


  49. 156
    Complaints Department says:

    Are the ‘Like This’ thingies here to stay ? Somewhat bad.


  50. 157
    Universal Hiss says:

    What’s with this like this shit?

    I don’t like it.

    FFS Guido.


  51. 160
    Like this says:

    These ‘Like this’ polyps make the screen jigger about for SO long on the iPad.


  52. 161
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    I think he’s giving the blog a damn good shake to see if any lefties fall out?


  53. 164
    Universal Hiss says:

    & it’s fucked your site.

    Funny though. I think he has some outcasts from the Universal Credit hot-shot programmers delivering absolutely nothing to any computers by 2017.

    I’ve never typed through a screen earthquake before so you’ve managed a first!


    • 201
      Aechmophorus says:

      Try blocking scripts on the site. I did this already when Toxic Taffy was filling it with YouTube clips. It makes the ‘Like this’ things show as ‘Loading…’ forever, and the screen stays still. In Firefox, download NoScript. In Chrome, blocking scripts is in the program’s own settings. If you’re still using Internet Explorer, I’m sad for you.


  54. 165
    Spongers says:

    I’ve worked out what a big part of the problem is when it comes to the underclass who live off benefits. They have no self-discipline and work ethic when it comes to wanting material possessions. A regular person who wants, say, a plasma TV or iPad, will work for it and go without until he/she can afford it. Benefit scroungers, on the other hand, want instant gratification. There’s no concept of “I’m not entitled to this, I have to work for it”. It’s “I want it and I want it now”.

    It throws into sharp relief the leftie idiots who claimed the riots in 2011 were a political protest. There was no political statement in looting stores for trainers, mobile phones, TVs and DVD players.

    There are people who are genuinely poor and should be helped to get back to work, but there are those who are classified as poor but are actually relatively poor in terms of whether they own an XBox or not.


    • 193
      Universal Hiss says:

      I’d never heard of a company called Brighthouse until recently. This sort of outfit could never thrive without the help of very,very stupid people.

      Have a Google if you don’t know about them.

      I find it almost unbelievable.


    • 205
      Maximus says:

      Can’t speak for the underclass, but what you write about self-discipline, work ethic and material possessions seems to apply big-time to IT parasites contractors on government contracts.


  55. 169
    Squat says:





    • 190
      Aechmophorus says:

      The sign for averting the evil eye. I got stopped and searched by the police for making that sign when walking past Blair’s house in Connaught Square. Although the police went through the motions, I felt they were on my side. As one of them was writing down my explanation, he asked me how to spell ‘apotropaic’, and they fell about laughing at the ridiculousness of what they were being made to do.


  56. 170
    ℬilly ℬumshir℮ is the Ḡr℮at℮st ℬumpir℮ ℮v℮r! says:

    Oh shit my F5 key has fallen off!


  57. 172
    Matthew Amawillywally says:

    Is it just me, or were there a dispro·portion·ate·ly large number of Muslims on Crimewatch this evening?


  58. 175
    Harsh says:

    Fair cop ?


  59. 176
    Loading... says:
  60. 177
    Silent Bob says:
  61. 178
    Silent Bob says:

    This is fucking outrageous!


  62. 180
    Joe says:

    Thi s is g e tting rid icu lous now Gu ido, I can ‘t ty pe fo r s h i t!!!


  63. 186
    Rip van Winkle says:

    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz WTF?


  64. 188
    Shakin all over says:

    Geedo’s got the DTs


  65. 196
    Universal Hiss says:

    Look what you have done Guido.

    I’m going to have to watch Newsnight.



    • 290
      A Doctor says:

      “meh” is a Mandarin word roughly equivalent to the English “innit”.

      Mao told me that many years ago.


  66. 197
    Don't Like this says:

    Waiting for public-apl.wordpress.com, sounds nasty g, but that blue star and Like this are using it.


  67. 199
    The Crowd says:



  68. 200
    I don't like this says:



  69. 206
    Crimewatch says:

    Great news! We have found Maddie – She was under the bed the whole time!


  70. 207

    I would like to thank Guido for his confidence in me in allowing me to revamp his website. Please be assured that the work will be done on time, under budget and will continue to be glitch free. If they are not you have my word that a civil servant will take full responsibility.


  71. 209
    Next says:

    M’s tenth Birthday.
    After that 10th Anniversay of the tapas meal.
    2107 the….


  72. 210
    BBC FAIL says:

    Newsnight – Cursty Squawk

    A Polish woman says “Poles don’t believe in the British health service” – apparently they prefer to go to Poland to have their health checks.

    Did Ms Squawk follow that up – What do you think?


    • 216
      Fishy says:

      Did Ms Squawk allow the Tory MP to answer a single question? Her interruptions could be measured as within milliseconds


      • 222
        Universal Hiss says:

        That must have been about the time I shouted shut the fuck up you silly bitch or words to that effect.


    • 224
      Disband the Bbbc says:

      It’s not the Poles we have to worry about, their not trying to blow us up or change our laws.

      Round where I Live (South East London) it’s people of a much darker hue that are filling up the place. S’funny how it’s always the hard working Poles the media picks on and not the shifty looking camel shunters and the fat loud breedin’ mama’s with arse’s you could use as a book shelf from hoter climes.


    • 291
      To the Liverpool Pathway >>>>> says:

      Sensible people those Poles. Willing to travel half way across Europe just to get their BP checked. Are they trying to send a message do you think?


  73. 212
    Next says:

    Imagine having to write

    Sir Alex Ferguson Way on an envelope FFS

    What do we have post-codes for? SAFW 1 Lpool 3


  74. 215
    Ed Dafty, LimpDim MP, Climate Change Chieftain says:



  75. 217
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:



  76. 221
    Photophit says:

    If you have any information about Madeleine McCann you can call Crimewatch on 0500 600 600 or anonymously to Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111

    Just did and all you get is a recorded message saying ” Why didn’t you ring 6 years ago? “


    • 229
      Boys in Blue on the Algarve says:

      The only thing we found out tonight was that a man sighted carrying a young child near the apartment who was eliminated by the PJ in the first week of the inquiry has also been eliminated by the MET’s best six years later.


      • 240
        Casual Observer 4 says:

        The people allegedly seen were not eliminated by the PJ.

        The PJ spent a while considering this individual to be M’urat as his residence is in that direction about 150m or so away.

        The direction he was reported to be walking in would be towards the creche away from the restaurant. The creche operated 19:30 to 23:00 and was located in the Kids Club. If headed to the creche this person would have had to walk down hill, that was not seen. Walking from creche, around to get to accommodation on that side also doesn’t make sense.

        As no individual has been traced, and two other people who were close to the scene at that time (JW / GM) could not corroborate, this sighting being fictitious is probable. There are several issues with the JT statements.

        The lead investigator was replaced as he was beginning to switch attention to the ‘Smith’ sighting (‘new’ one mentioned in CW tonight). The replacement investigator did not pursue that lead.


        • 243
          The Dog says:

          Why wasn’t I on the prog? Nothing wrong with my nose.


          • Cuddle Cat says:

            And Me. Kate used to take me everywhere. Ask the Pope.


          • Casual Observer 4 says:

            Good call.

            Nothing wrong with nose, but the nose doesn’t tell us how long the scent has been down, or precisely the source.

            The Dogs are very sensitive, but cadaverine / putrescine do not develop immediately after death. Usually takes a couple of hours. A study in C’anada which proved dogs sensitivity used carpet tiles exposed to a cadaver which was 3 hours old, and the dogs picked that up in a blind test.

            Also, UK dogs are trained using pork products and human blood. The blood they will be sensitive to, but so to the scent of death and other pork related scents.

            Not dismissing, but should see a problem with timelines.

            Another way you can make cadaverine / putrescine that could fool a dog: Give a woman with v’aginosis a ‘cream pie’ and allow the mingled fluids to drip. This is the reason for ‘that’ smell, see the ‘whiff test’ (clinical procedure) for further detail.

            Or, allow some pork to go rotten in that area. Discarded bacon sandwich would do the trick.

            Fish also can release these chemicals. K may have had fish that evening. One of the cooks did an interview stating that ‘R’obalo’ (Sargent Fish with CusCus) and Steak were prepared for K+G.

            G had Steak. K likely had fish.

            This may in part explain how her clothes tested positive, and the toy. Compounds in fish will be detected by the cadaver dog.

            This does not rule anything out, just changes the interpretation of the reactions from the dogs, and provides a credible explanation for a false positive result on K.


          • non-person says:

            What happened to the story about blood being found in the back of their car?


          • To CO4 says:

            The dogs went in after 3or 4 days.


      • 247
        Plebplod says:

        We don’t wear blue, just tee shirts, shorts and sun cream :)


    • 235
      Rev I M Jolly says:

      Them photo-fits look nothing like Radio 1 DJs from the 1980s.


  77. 223
    Meanwhile, in the real world says:

    What is trending tonight ? #mic

    WTF ?


  78. 227
    WTF... BBC??? says:

    Deary me, on NewsNight now we’ve got a man dressed in woman’s clothes and painted like a hoochie mama telling me art over 100-200 years ago was shit.


  79. 232
    I wonder why says:

    The only Public Space where you can say almost anything you want gets so few comments.

    The great unwashed don’t feel the need for free speech?


  80. 236
    Ed Dafty, LimpDim MP, Climate Change Chieftain says:



    • 295
      non-person says:

      Got to get their pension fund top-ups from somewhere..


      • 339
        REALWORLDER says:

        Money well spent, without council tax there would be no LGBT outreach workers or,” five a day” co ordinators or anyone to distribute contraceptives to nine year olds.


  81. 237
    Blowing Whistles says:

    ere guvnor! Watched that crimewatch thingy and ave a question to ask – Was it only ‘Conspiracy Theorists’ who ‘sensationalised’ every aspect of their dilema, the Falconio dilema and many other ordinary peoples’ dilemas


    was it The (couldn’t give a …. about the truth but) let’s sell sensationalised and speculative copy mob in order to ramp up their bosses’ profits msm?


    • 245
      Daily Express says:

      What else is there?
      The weather


      • 254
        Aechmophorus says:

        … and
        House prices
        New cure for cancer

        And ringing the changes:
        Thinking of Dіana can cure cancer
        Maddie makes house prices soar


    • 246
      Universal Hiss says:

      I’ve never known what to think about that particular three ringed circus.

      Seemingly rational people had heated debates on hear-say,innuendo & plain lies.

      I came to no conclusion then & haven’t now.

      Is it downgraded to a two ringed circus yet?


    • 251
      Not Blowing Whistles says:

      More likely PR for the McCanns who are looking like they might lose their libel thingy in P’ortugal.

      The reconstruction was filmed in Spa!n, and not transmitted in P’ortugal. The Met are only going through old case stuff also, nothing new here at all.

      Also note: Met on twitter else where are talking about ‘disappearance’ not abduction.

      K’s hair looked a mess on the show as well. Tut.

      Very emotional, nothing factual.

      Look at who brought in the PR types back at the start to understand what the real conspiracy was here. BWB and PB / MW losses. Someone mentioned some of this the other day around here.


  82. 239
    G Fawkes says:

    Micky P and me are off to Casablanca


  83. 241
    How would we cope without our very own Obama? says:


    • 298
      non-person says:

      Did Chucky mention that it was his mates in the unions that buggered up UK industry about 30 years ago? That is why it still needs ‘relaunching’ to try to recover some of the lost ground.


  84. 242
    Beggars belief says:

    That I could leave my kids in bed and bugger off to our village Pizza Express.!!!!

    Why have they never been charged or routinely castigated by the Red Tops???


  85. 244
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:



    • 252
      Universal Hiss says:

      He’s not under pressure at all. He’s a LibDem.

      It wasn’t me. I wasn’t there.It might have been them.I don’t remember.A pledge means fuck all.No,I didn’t say that.

      Or in other words a big boy did it & ran away.


  86. 248
    Onion Terror says:

    Eeeeeee! Who would have thunk it.
    The tories were lying over elderly care after all!!!!!!


  87. 250
    The Libor party says:


    • 261
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Fat boy Pickles said he was going to make it easier to sack the erring LA CEO’s some months ago – was he talking out of his rear end as usual?


    • 299
      non-person says:

      Was this ‘external review’ conducted by the local Labour Party officials perchance? How much of the increase has been pledged to LP coffers?


    • 346
      VINCE (can anybody else smell shit ?) CABLE says:

      He needs it for an ear transplant


  88. 255
    Blowing Whistles says:

    And lastly – ‘Doing the rounds’ (inc pun) That Savile bloke given free reign at Broadmoor – and what with all them top top psychiatrists about – and NOT ONE OF THEM CLOCKED HIM?

    It gets worrying when there’s that saying about lunatics running the asylum?


    • 262
      Not Blowing Whistles says:

      Savile was put in there to break the Prison Officers Association hold over the staff.

      The staff had him figured for a psychopath with a preference for children, but couldn’t do much about him because he was ‘protected’ by the management.


    • 302
      Cottage dweller says:

      BW: How many more times do you have to be told? It is ‘free rein’ not ‘free reign’. Think of horses, not royalty.


    • 330
      VINCE (can anybody else smell shit ?) CABLE says:

      These would be the same top psychiatrists that let psyco’s back on to the streets to kill again
      and the same ones who release child killers like Thompson and Venables and the murdering bitch baby P’s mother after only a couple of years inside


  89. 257
    Onion Terror says:

    Eeeeeee! Who would have thunk it.
    The tories were lying over elderly care after all!!!!!!


  90. 258
    Say NO to European Onion says:

    Elderly care bill toasted by the tories.


  91. 259
    Say NO to European Onion says:

    Tories will be tories, under the tories.


  92. 264
    Jim Bob says:

    ‘night John Boy


    • 274
      Anonymous says:

      Nite, nite ,nite, nite, nite, nite ,nite, time to get up Waltons mountain already.


      • 321
        The Walton Family says:

        You laugh, but we made a shitload of money later on when we founded Walmart. (YOU say good night, asshole!)


  93. 275
    Onion Terror says:

    Tories accidentally toasted themselves over elderly care lies.
    Shame. Good luck for 2015 election wrap show.


    • 309
      Elsie Hargreaves 5 Railway Terrace Dewsbury says:

      If you think it is bad enough the Tories playing with fire that David Cameron is wandering around this morning wielding an axe.

      There is more than enough violent crime these days without our Prime Minister behaving like this.


  94. 276
    fed-up in britain says:

    bbc. savile. tory scum.eu. cameran .hang them all high. jimmey savile still dead.


    • 305
      Elsie Hargreaves 5 Railway Terrace Dewsbury says:

      Another 10 NHS hospitals under investigation about Sir James.

      With all these additional compo claims I guess I will never be able to retire.


      • 315
        Benny says:

        Jimmy S. smiled at me once in 1975. I’ve just realised I’ve suffered brain damage ever since then.

        I want £1 million compensation from the taxpayers.

        How do I get in contact with the all the counsellors, lawyers and caring parasites that are running the gravy train about this paedo.

        P.S. It’s a shame he’s dead, otherwise there could be even more false claimants like me.


      • 341
        LibLabConners says:

        Are the bennies a bit short again this week? Invent another abuse memory and screw some compo out of the taxpayer.


  95. 279
    John Tandy says:

    Altogether a recipe for disaster in 2015…..


  96. 307
    albacore says:

    A Parliament made up of reverse ferrets?
    So, who ain’t aware that it has no merits?
    Its tripartite components of sick farces
    If only they’d vanish up their own arses!


  97. 308
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:


    • 310
      Lance Corporal Bill Bloggs (retired) says:

      I do not care what colour paper my tax bills are printed upon madam.

      All I care is that the bottom line figure should reduce considerably and I should be able to access some half decent public services


  98. 311
  99. 312
    Anonymous says:

    Contrary to the report, many conservatives thought the IDS election as leader was a success and it was only the subsequent delivery which failed.

    On IT, is it the disconnection with the world, and by ministers or the civil service; is it the power attraction of grand schemes; what is it that leads to proposals for wall-to-wall solutions as complete new-builds which fail and waste so much money, time and enthusiasm. Why oh why cannot these things be done better.

    For a government (and civil service) to admit they do not even capture the nationality of a claimant (I bet they capture self-perceived ethnicity and gender orientation!) to then believe it can write an NHS or DSS all singing all dancing solution, is just fantasy.


    • 314
      Long John Silver's parrot says:

      All you have to do is this.

      Abolish JSA and Child Benefit. and give all under 16s access to free school breakfasts and dinners cooked by Jamie (no second helpings) Oliver.

      Halve VAT which will save everyone a fortune and increase the tax free allowance to £12,500.

      You will put 365,000 civil servants out of work overnight and upset a few IT firms along the way but the benefits of self sufficiency will soon outweigh the subsidies.


  100. 313
    Segolene says:

    Female Socialists who are ambitious are damn dangerous creatures.

    They will do absolutely anything to get to the top of the pole.

    They need watching and buying off at regular intervals


  101. 318
    UKIP or bust says:

    The bbc’s ‘news’ in order of priority this morning:

    The Mc Canns six year old tragedy

    A Muslim politician is killed in another country

    Something different might happen sometime in the future in care homes

    Osborne signs deal for London to become the financial hub of China (WOW)

    Now had that deal been signed by the great useless coward Gordo, or even the other Jock with eyebrows, I wonder where that last piece would have been?


  102. 327
    VINCE (can anybody else smell shit ?) CABLE says:

    Even though i totally fucked up on Royal Mail and to date have lost the taxpayer
    £1.7 Billion quid i am still pushing the government line that Royal Mail was not under valued as a company

    Now we know why this country will never elect a Lib Dum government


  103. 328
    The Chavez have it says:


  104. 333
    an undercover pensioner says:

    Milliwatt, Emperor of the wind and the Sun .
    went to sit on his chamberpot chair
    and disappeared


  105. 334
    Wik says:


Seen Elsewhere

Twitter Should Not Ban Racist Words | Alex Wickham
Guardian Staff’s Elite Schooling | Chris McGovern
Term-Time Holidays Were State Encouraged | Liberal England
What Did Britain Really Look Like in 1930s? | CapX
Who Is Steering Labour’s Strategy? | Ballot Box
Greens are UKIP for Young People | Telegraph
Short-Termism of CCHQ | ConHome
May Aide: CCHQ Are Being Misleading | Telegraph
Tories Planning For Second Election | Guardian
We Are Losing Cyber War | Fraser Nelson
Osborne Aide Lands Pay Rise | Mirror

Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Mandy Rice-Davies (R.I.P.) on Lord Astor’s denial of their affair….

“Well he would, wouldn’t he?”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,641 other followers