October 14th, 2013

SKETCH: Reverse Ferrets Running Labour Welfare Policy

More than one debutante appeared in the Commons at question time for the glamour department that Work and Pensions has become.

Tory TV star Esther McVey moved into a new spotlight. Confident, fluent, blonde. Did I say blonde? I meant attra- I meant professional.

Mike Penning, the person more responsible than anyone for IDS’ disastrous election as Tory leader is now his disability minister. That needs no comment, at least.

For Labour, Chris Bryant, something of a cult, has been reprogrammed and is promoting the opposite of devoutly-held pieties he previously professed. He is steadily on course to be one of the Commons’ Nearly Men.

And then Rachel Reeves, cruelly characterised by the BBC-left as “boring-snoring”, set out to put new life into her career.

She is often “tipped to be the next leader of the Labour party”. But the tipsters are Tory optimists looking for someone less inspirational, engaging, in-touch, life-enhancing than the toothsome incumbent. She is a rare candidate.

Hair and makeup – a success. The voice – yet to succeed. Personality – platform announcement.

“We apologise for the delayed arrival of the policy on platform 1. This was due to delays. The policy is in reverse formation. Tory coaches are at the back of the train. We apologise for any inconvenience to your voting intentions.”

IDS suggests that Labour’s new approach to welfare is a horlicks of false intentions and bad faith. Reeves and Bryant say they will out-tough the Tories but have voted against every measure to save a cent.

Frank Field asked how many permanent secretaries IDS would get through before his insane computer program finally crashes/burns/turns into a black hole and sucks the universe in. “It will be on time and within budget,” IDS claimed, heroically. And then demanded an apology for £26bn of failed Labour IT projects.

There is a lesson in there, truth to tell.

It is absolutely inconceivable that he or anyone else can deliver a real-time computer system to track Britain’s beneficiaries. Luckily it’s due in 2017, beyond the political event horizon.

Dangerous statistic: “600,000 unemployed eastern Europeans”. IDS refused to endorse the figure saying it included non-working-age migrants.


354 Comments

  1. 1
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    Had enough of the LibLabCon traitors?

    Are you a patriot and want your country back?

    1.Stop paying the telly tax

    2. Stop buying the lying rags laughably calling themselves newspapers

    3. Vote UKIP at every opportunity

    Remember vote early,vote often,vote UKIP :-)

  2. 2
    Aechmophorus says:

    Is a reverse ferret like a surrender monkey?

  3. 3
    CORRIGENDUM says:

    For Labour, Chris Bryant, something of a cult

    Check your spelling.

  4. 4
    A nincumpoop says:

    THERE he is!

  5. 5
    maggie the dog says:

    I’m sure their were better things to watch

  6. 6
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    GREAT !! I endorse this :)

  7. 7
    Bloomers says:

  8. 8
    A nincumpoop says:

    “It will be on time and within budget.”

    In IT? No such thing*.

    *unless it’s incomplete

  9. 9
    James Carr says:

    Do you write this when drunk, or when very drunk?

  10. 10
    Drake's Drum says:

    I am enjoying these sketches. It’s refreshing to read copy free of typos, grammatical errors and errant apostrophes. Keep up the good work.

  11. 11
    Alan Mullet says:

    Are comments open today? Who’s this Carr chappie, one wonders?

  12. 12
    Karl Schennedy - former LibDem leader says:

    Is there any other way ?

  13. 13
    Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

    He’s unemployed, dear, and Mr. Fawkes has, kindly, allowed him to plonk his bilge on here.

  14. 14
    Maq­boul says:

    UKIP seems to have peaked.

  15. 15
    The Doncaster Ale Drinker says:

    So UKIP supporters advocate breaking the law and “killing ecoloons”.

    Godfrey Bloom might have left but there’s a right pile of nutters left behind.

  16. 16
    Maq­boul says:

    Does good English grammar give you a raging hard-on? What about punctuation?

  17. 17
    The Doncaster Ale Drinker says:

    Excellent work Simon, you got Rachel Snoores just right.

  18. 18
    Maq­boul says:

    Not anymore he ain’t. And let’s be grateful it’s Mr Carr what’s entertaining us, not that half witted, half-cut James Macintyre.

  19. 19
    Thet love to type after a snifter, or two says:

    I don’t think Quentin is too bothered. What, the fuck, is the point of a sketchist, anyway?

  20. 20
    Hugh Janus says:

    I agree, DD. However, I did find one typo in: “For Labour, Chris Bryant, something of a cult….”

  21. 21
    Lady Fenella Snortingale (UKIP) says:

    I see that the Conservatives have a problem with ministerial selections. According to Exaro 6 former Conservative MPs and one former senior Cabinet Minister have been named as part of an Amsterdam child porn ring. Whilst the figures directly involved may be formers, who were their spads and research assistants? Watch this space…..

  22. 22
    Casual Observer 4 says:

    UKIP do not do so well on ICM polls.

  23. 23
    EU Funded Pro-EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP

  24. 24
    Bill Quango MP-9 says:

    Rachel Reeves as a platform announcer. Now that is a good, good spot.

    Captures her monotone, detail devoid, insincerity perfectly. You can picture her in an old Giles cartoon, making her train announcement beside a BR -“We’re getting there” slogan emblazoned on a tortoise.

    That one will stick.

  25. 25

    Chris Bryant is certainly a massive cult.

    I met IDS at the Commons in 1999 on a tea on the terrace trip. I was being shown round the chamber (for the umpteenth time), when it was not in session, and we sat on the green benches on the opposition side at the far end. I always thought him to be a good, articulate debater and TV performer at that time. He had the shadow defence brief under Hague but would be fielded on the TV on any and every subject when called upon. I confess that when it came to the ballot I voted for him in favour of Ken Clarke.

    The party leadership seemed to kill him. I could never work out why. It was almost as if he became a different person. He lost his clarity and appeal. The rest is history. Really Hague sold out. Many party leaders have had to expect to lose an election before they can win one. He went off and earned a pot of money. Good luck on that score but it was better he had not stood in the first place IMO.

  26. 26
    Bill Quango MP-9 says:

    Clot ?

  27. 27
    Guido Fawkes says:

    Sketch writers are normal journalists that an important, national, publication can’t really afford to ac·com·mo·date but does so anyway because it’s a union thing.

  28. 28
    Anonymous says:

    Indeed, inserting Chris Bryant for Adam Afiyie is one hell of a typo.

  29. 29
    Anonymous says:

    Indeed, inserting Chris Bryant for Adam Afriyie is one hell of a typo.

  30. 30
    trolls are tossers says:

    Why is Guido so silent on this and similar matters? Paid off? Involved? Scared? Which is it?

  31. 31

    Do you mean she’s an MP? I always thought she was an X-Factor competitor? Dear me! I must bone up more…

  32. 32
    Aechmophorus says:

    I didn’t know you’d been a Conservative Party member. No wonder you had to flee to Slovenia.

  33. 33
    Casual Observer 4 says:

    What style of cult is Bryant ? Moony or Scientology ?

  34. 34
    Casual Observer 4 says:

    What %’age of UK benefits recipients are Eastern European, or simply, European rather than English ?

  35. 35
    Jimmy says:

    “I voted for him in favour of Ken Clarke.”

    Thank you.

  36. 36
    trolls are tossers says:

    The Army had the real measure of IDS – getting rid of him when still a leuitenant at 27. Compare that (for example) with Ashdown who made Captain in the SBS (the equivalent of Major in the Army at that time) before he was 30 and you can see IDS was not regarded as a high flyer. How right they were.

  37. 37
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    It’s only fair as they are trying to kill pensioners and take us back to the dark ages :-)

  38. 38

    Killing ecoloons is a public service which will save the country £Billions. A suitable death would be attaching them to small hot-air balloons and launching them upwind of a wind-farm Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, just like mincing up rare birds of prey is actually saving them, so mincing up ecoloons would be saving them.

  39. 39
    Owen Jones' anal wart says:

    I thought we were European?

  40. 40

    Puts a whole new meaning on going dutch….

  41. 41
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    She’s the Donald Pleasence of the Liebore Party :-)

  42. 42
    EU Watch says:

    Accurate tea leaf reader does it again:

    Summary:

    Croat!a acceded to the EU and has seen exports drop by 11% in the its first year.

    PressEurop has reported that EU accession ‘ has exposed Croatia to greater international competition, and the loss of privileges associated with the Central European Free Trade Agreement (CEFTA)’

    What happens next in Croat!a ? High unemployment and civil unrest.

  43. 43
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    How many were not born in the UK would be a more interesting figure.

  44. 44
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    Everything the EU touches turns to shite.

    Remember vote early,vote often,vote UKIP :-)

  45. 45
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    Sky news poll
    52% of us would vote for a party which is in favour of curbing immigration
    Most of us think immigration is damaging the country
    62% want the door shutting now

    Dave and George ‘s solution +” It was all labour’s fault”
    Os-bore ” we inherited this problem from the last government and
    “IN THE SHORT TIME WE HAVE BEEN IN OFFICE” we have cut it by a third !

    WANKER !

    It’s amazing what you can do with figures

  46. 46
    their social circles says:

    Could be in Bryant’s social circle. How does Mr Carr know? Personally know? How about a Guido fact check.

  47. 47
    A brainwashed Auld bag in Edinburgh says:

    600,000 unemployed eastern europeans? If true, that will be a huge boost for u-
    Skip and their supporters!

  48. 48
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    The EU comes in promising everything until you sign , then it proceeds to suck the lifeblood out of the country bringing it to it’s knee’s and then it has to go begging cap in hand back to the EU in order to survive thus becoming totally reliant on sucking on the EU tit

  49. 49
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    Everybody sew up your pockets Now !

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    The last time Bryant saw a cult was when he popped out of his mums

  51. 51
    500,000 Romanians says:

    We are coming for UK benefits and then find your bad laydees for sex, yes please?

  52. 52
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    Maybe the Romas can do us a favour by demolishing all the wind turbines for their scrap metal value :-)

  53. 53
    Enriched Eric of Enfield says:

    52%? Fixed. Even the beeb`s Sunday am show with the question for an hour, “were the previous party of Tommy R worth a light” scored 95%. That`s 95% on the beeb!!! Moosie reps left floundering and mumbling!

  54. 54
    fernandos pants says:

    Inserting Chris Bryant ‘in’ Adam Afriye is one hell of an image…a thought that has prolly occurred many times in Bryants mind…..

  55. 55
    Blow up the Chunnel says:

    I always thought skimming, begging and pickpocketing were your fortes.

  56. 56
    UN Breaking News says:

    One Million men have been arrested in connection with the you-know what photo kit. The MET are to interview each of the men in Portugal, in the presence of extra officers from the MET. And their wives,children and SIR David Jsnson and SIR Thingy McCartney.

  57. 57
    Enriched Eric of Enfield says:

    Four suspected Islamic terrorists held in series of dramatic raids across London amid fears of ‘Kenyan mall-style gun attack’ on British soil——–D Mail.

    Perhaps banning certain people is now in order.

  58. 58
    Doris Goldblatt says:

    Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim sisters, brothers and friends all over the world ! May Allah bless you guys with all that you want :)

  59. 59
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    I welcome ALL Chinese people to Britain , Students , tourists business men you are all welcome
    Today i have dropped the cap on China for a mere £800,000 airport expansion in Manchester
    Well we will need much bigger airports to accommodate a Billion Chinese migrants won’t we ?
    Fuck British students if they want to study they can go to eastern europe
    all the red brick universities are reserved for my new rich friends from the Far East (and i don’t mean Newcastle What !)

    I now know why they called China “the third world” It’s because they now own a third of it

  60. 60
    Blow up the Chunnel says:

    From what I’ve heard, you had better keep your mouth closed if you’ve got any gold teeth.

  61. 61
    EU Watch says:

    In !taly, Al!talia is being bailed out by the government:

    h**p://www.reuters.com/article/2013/10/14/us-iag-alitalia-idUSBRE99D0CY20131014

    Despite state subsidy of national carriers being ‘un-competitive’, !taly’s actions could be fine under EU law if what they are doing are within the rules for restructuring.

    Meanwhile, raising capital gains tax from 20% to 22% is being considered, and the !talian government is starting to sell off historic sites to plug its budget gaps.

    h**p://rt.com/news/italy-treasures-sell-austerity-140

    How much would you bid for this ?

  62. 62

    As a supporter of The Blessed Margaret, it seemed the only reasonable thing to do when the party was on the wain. I did not realise it was going to become a democratic socialist party and left way before the millennium.

    Does not the sinner who repenteth creates joy in the presence of the angels of God any more?

  63. 63
    Herman Von Rumploe says:

    What next? Why immigration from the North African coast of course.
    The Italians will bebussing those Algerians right along to you. As many as you can take. 1 million? 2 million? Don’t forget to give them all housing and benefits and medical and pensions..

    Best you raise your tax rate to 74% on your indigenous now or you’ll never be able to afford it.

  64. 64

    I have this facility of knowing when you are being generous.

    Would you have voted for Ken Clarke then? :-)

  65. 65
    Harbottle says:

    Yes I saw that result being announced-through gritted teeth-at the end of this programme (does it stand for Sunday about mullahs?).

  66. 66

    Home grown, I would venture to suggest. :-)

  67. 67
    EU Watch says:

    For all it’s trouble, political analysis in G’reece is still to the point and accurate:

  68. 68
    Bill Quango MP - 9 says:

    Something wrong.

    More people want to stop immigration immediately than want o stop immigration at all?
    Most people think immigration is damaging the nation but only half want to do anything about it?

    Is this a reverse engineered Guardian poll ?

  69. 69

    Sorry, Aechy. Did not mean to conflate you with the angels of God!

  70. 70
    Broken banksy says:

    So..you prefer we take in the uneducated illiterate diseased instead?
    No wonder the country is fucked with you lefty Mogg’s having a say.

  71. 71
    EU Watch says:

    This could solve the boat-sink-drowning problems:

  72. 72
    Hoots! It's Clown says:

    A charidee very kindly provided the ward with the new iPad.

    I was just chatting to Siri when it boomed out “Shut it, ya big Jock gob-shite! Are you fuckin’ mental?”

    Which is uncanny, as that’s exactly what Tony used to say!

  73. 73
    Can we do it? says:

  74. 74
    Do one Rumpy says:

    A couple of years ago, I saw a prog. about this and they were interviewing 5 young African gentlemen who had just landed in Southern Italy. The interviewer asked each one where they were heading for eventually. “England” was the unanimous reply.

  75. 75
    Vote UKIP - don't get owned says:

    “There is also a Survation poll in the Mail on Sunday, which has topline voting intention figures of CON 27%(-2), LAB 37%(nc), LDEM 11%(nc), UKIP 18%(+1). Changes are from their previous poll back in August. “

  76. 76
    Bill Quango MP - 9 says:

    I went to a wedding there a few years ago.

    It is truly stunning. They do a lot of movie making there.
    You have to get there by boat, which is fine on the way up, but a bugger once you’ve had a few on the way back.

  77. 77
    Guido Fawkes says:

    I suspect that the truth lies somewhere between you and Dick Robinson’s outpourings. Personally, I’m still undecided.

  78. 78

    Could you replace my missing monographed silver spoons when convenient please, Mr Quango?

  79. 79
    Guido Fawkes says:

    Twitter is for utter wankers, EU Watch.

  80. 80
    JH9i032409324-23 says:

    Looks idyllic, but I’d want to know how polluted the lake is.

    Dirty bastards.

  81. 81
    Guido Fawkes says:

    If either of you have ever ventured outside your pungent bed-sits in the last fifteen years, oim an Oirishman.

  82. 82
    Lampshade says:

    I agree. Mr Carr is an asset.

  83. 83
    Rachel Reevezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz says:

    We will do a reverse ferret on any policy where we find that the Government’s is more popular than ours e.g. welfare, education; or anywhere we can make cheap political bribes to the electorate e.g. energy prices. Everything will be paid for by taxing bankers’ bonuses.

  84. 84
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    John Humphrys has always had superior virtue, you know the kind only a liberal lefty holier-than-thou BBC type can have. The self-righteous pious twat had a wasted journey then.

  85. 85
    Billie Boredom is The Grossest Bumpile, EVER !! says:

    Luckily this blog has a balanced commentry doesnt it giudo ?

  86. 86
    Hackney leads the way! says:

    Can’t see Abbott doing much cycling, it would be like a hippopotamus sitting on a razor blade.
     
     

  87. 87
    Guido Fawkes says:

    Oh, how interesting. My moderation robot is getting rather picky, Billie.

  88. 88
    @DavidCamermong #TITINNUMBER10 RT :) says:

    Vote UKIP.

  89. 89
    Billie Botty-BØwden says:

    Yeah. Steve put BØwden on the “list”

  90. 90
    An old soldier says:

    Ashdown, though, has turned out to be just as crashing a bore as IDS.

  91. 91
    Guido Fawkes says:

    Well. He’s got nothing better to do, I suppose.

  92. 92
    The Olympics are over says:

    Give them a medal and send them back.

  93. 93
    Juvenalian Precariat says:

  94. 94
    Mong Watch says:

    Who do you think came up with the ‘INSHIT’ bit on the cartoon this morning.

    Genius, and very helpful :-D

  95. 95
    Elf n Safety says:

    We are very worried about their potential exposure to sunburn. We should fly in some specially trained staff to administer UV protection.

  96. 96
    Observer says:

    I think that Mr Carr means that Ed Miliband is toothy rather than “toothsome”, unless he really considers the Labour leader to be appetising and palatable!

  97. 97
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    Stand still long enough , they’ll nick your fuckin shoe laces

  98. 98
    Enriched Eric of Enfield says:

    All fuelled by chicken, rice and peas no doubt.

  99. 99
    A crate of retsina says:

    I don’t suppose it was entirely wasted.

  100. 100
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    Make every immigrant swim from France to England , those that make it can stay

  101. 101
    Bill Quango MP - 9 says:

    Even worse for your nightmares Fake Guido. It was a banker’s wedding.

  102. 102

    I am now a UKIP supporter but have to admit that the Conservatives are ahead on some points:

    http://bit.ly/1aExN5i

  103. 103
    Juvenalian Precariat says:

    Cottaging in Athens again? John!

  104. 104
    A passerby says:

    Whatever

  105. 105
  106. 106
    T May says:

    Yankee go home

  107. 107
    A Discerning Reader says:

    Er, no thanks

  108. 108
    Aechmophorus says:

    I’ve been conflated with worse things.

  109. 109
    Casual Observer 4 says:

    O/T Thought experiment for SC:

    The living / dead status of the M’cCann girl can be considered to be analogous to the cat in the locked box thought experiment. The only way to open the box is by finding the girl, to find out what state she is in.

    From a meta-physical point of view, hope would keep her alive. Rejecting hope gives way to death. This is the situation for many observers who were not directly involved.

    Is this a good demonstration of how manipulation of the belief of the masses could cause real change in the physical world ? Possibly an unplanned experiment one would hasten to add.

  110. 110
    Hmmm 4 once Icke is spot on says:

    The Mail article included a few quotes by Ralph Miliband, showing Miliband to be a radical cosmopolitan Marxist. So what else is new? Throughout his entire adult life Ralph had indeed been a radical cosmopolitan devoted to ‘progressive’ international working class politics and naturally opposed to any nationalism and local patriotism. However The Daily Mail was soon to learn, at its cost, that elaborating on the non-patriotic nature intrinsic to cosmopolitanism is practically forbidden in 2013 ‘free’ Britain.’

  111. 111

    There is no need to disguise yourself on this board, Lord Mandelson.

  112. 112
    Sports Fan says:

    I’d rather we ran that particular event in the other direction.

  113. 113
    Save the Great British Shark says:

    How is the shark population of the English channel doing ?

  114. 114
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    I used to frequent a fantastic restaurant in Tenerife they had three Moroccan waiters
    we used to have a real good laugh with them , as their sole ambition in life was to come to England with us
    when the owner went home they would come over and have a few drinks with us (all on the house lol)
    As muslims they had no concept of alcohol , when the wife asked for a Cointreau, he brought her a pint (neat)

    I would slap their wrists and say “Allah will not like this ” they would plead with us to take them back to England with us etc

    The point being they all worked and the last time i saw them although they still lived together , they were working in different bars around Tenerife

    and they didn’t really have any intention of coming here , as they had jobs only the work shy want to get here at all costs

  115. 115
    Brown shite says:

    Labour and their vermin ermine!

  116. 116
    A genetically fucked up magician. says:

    Is that Jon Snow?

  117. 117
    The Public says:

    On the other hand, we could, like most people, all just get on with our lives and not pay any attention to this at all.

  118. 118
    My Fat Eastern European Gypo on Crap4 says:

    ” Frank Field asked how many
    permanent secretaries IDS would get
    through before his insane computer
    program finally crashes/burns/turns
    into a black hole and sucks the
    universe in. “It will be on time and
    within budget,” IDS claimed,
    heroically. And then demanded an
    apology for £26bn of failed Labour IT
    projects.”

    Labour are IT fuckwits!

  119. 119
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    Oh please Cat your points just don’t “rack up”

    BRING BACK EMILY !

    Ev’nin sir

  120. 120
    Dave 'call me Prime Minister if you' I'cke :-) says:

    And I was way ahead on Savile. Up to 30 hospitals today.

  121. 121

    Someone said to me this summer that the metaphysical was only that which had not yet occurred. You are now saying to me the metaphysical is only that which had not yet been discovered. Not sure I agree with either.

    My view is that the metaphysical is only that which we do not know, other than by instinct.

    Our job is to rationalise it better than that.

    Metaphysics is the finding of bad reasons for what we believe upon instinct; but to find these reasons is no less an instinct. – F H Bradley

  122. 122
    Cabbie says:

    Yeah, and nearly all of them are a fvcking nuisance.

  123. 123

    Evening squire!

    I had thought that you saw the aesthetic appeal of the gentler sex as being one of life’s rewards?

  124. 124
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    No they weren’t some of their sons were directors of the companies syphoning all our money off (unchecked)

  125. 125

    And, no doubt, will be conflated with worse. ;-)

  126. 126
    Guido Fawkes (not in blue) says:

    Your insecurity leaps out of the screen every time you type.

  127. 127
  128. 128
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    The problem with politicians is most of them only do the same sex as themselves .Usually anything but hetrosexual

  129. 129
    Hacked off with the McCanns says:

    I fail to see how the McCanns can describe themselves as victims of the press.

    The reality is quite the opposite. With their government spokesman they used the press every day with their “press conference” and not once did the press criticise them for leaving their children alone. They were given acres of newsprint and days of telly time.

    Their so called “victim status” only occurred when the Portuguese police made them official suspects and the press merely reported what the Portuguese police and papers were saying. That is not victimisation, that is reporting.

    But even now, when the majority of the UK public are fed up with them (and ALL the Portuguese public) the press and the TV are fully supportive of the McCanns and their remote babysitting methods.

    Victims My Harris.

    It’s not the McCanns who should be the center of attention anyway (other than police investigations). The attention belongs to Madeleine.

  130. 130
    Pindown says:

    Jeremy Hunt is related to Virg!nia Bottomley:

    http://theneedleblog.wordpress.com/2013/10/14/revealed-at-last-the-hunt-bottomley-link/

    This is common knowledge though, isn’t it ?

    Perhaps significant’ish with the expansion of Savile cases in NHS hospitals.

  131. 131

    I have never lost my deposit…

  132. 132
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    Unfortunately there are more windmills in the channel than sharks which gives them a resting place on the way over

  133. 133
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    A good deposit is always “well spent”

  134. 134
    Aechmophorus says:

    I thought you had to be intellectually disabled to play basketball at all.

  135. 135
    Bavid Dailey says:

    I agree with you on the first photo of the toothsome Charlotte but have to conclude that, with the 2nd photo, you are taking the p!ss.

  136. 136
    Spongers says:

    Switch to Channel 5 now for documentary On Benefits and Proud. Mother of 11 living off lifelong bennies.

  137. 137
    Ancient joker says:

    Ah, the fragrant Baroness Nettlestone, known as v!rgin for short but not for long.

  138. 138
    OBJECTIVE PRODUCTIONS PROTECT THEIR ABUSIVE CREEPY MEDIA STARS WITH AMBIGUITY! says:

    Tricky Dicky and the Ginga Leech!

  139. 139
    poll Somerton and Frome says:

    Poll in the Somerset Standard, which has topline voting intention figures of CON 45%(nc), LAB 4%(nc), LDEM 45%(nc), UKIP 3%(+1), all others 3%(-1). Changes are from their previous poll back in August.

    David Heath, current MP, is to step down at the next election.

    Can Boris stand. He is local to Somerset.

  140. 140

    It is the only spending plan one should strive like hell to increase.

  141. 141
    The Genetically fucked up magician on Crap4 says:

    And now for my next trick?

  142. 142
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    leave Dave and Rebekah out of this What !

  143. 143
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    No it’s William Franklyn Shhh you know who !

  144. 144
    Casual Observer 4 says:

    Am regarding the meta-physics from the more basic perspective of what is actually there.

    In this case, not having met any of the people involved even, absent belief of what others have related there is nothing directly available from my observation point to prove that a girl existed in the first place.

    From this point of view perhaps it is belief of the individual that is partly forming the world around.

    Keeping hope alive would keep the abstract notion of the girl alive, which would result in a material gain at minimum for the fund, and those involved in the search.

    Still trying to figure how massive advances can be made in a case by going back to the start.

  145. 145
    Reader says:

    Jesus, Guido, this site is now incredibly unstable.

  146. 146
    Anonymous says:

    Have you not considered that your over-the-top name and on-going comments might turn out to be counter-productive? For while such spin might work with the Yanks – we Brits have had years of spotting and rejecting such BS.

  147. 147

    WTF is this like this?

    FFS! Didn’t we do this all before and the fucking thing broke (I helped to break it – but schtum on that!)

    It takes ages for the page to load and jumps up and down like a backbencher with St Vitus.

  148. 148
    The Genetically fucked up magician on Crap4 says:

    Lying is in Labour Genes.

  149. 149
    Reader says:

    Fucking hell. This is rubbish. Sack your IT guy Guido.

    It looks like his last job was with the government.

  150. 150

    I went to click on Jimmy @6:56 pm and nothing happened.

  151. 151

    107 seconds to load the page. This is not the way to go.

  152. 152
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Fuckin’ hell we’re having another Earthquake !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  153. 153
    Sir William Waid says:

    Don’t forget that ecoloons can be recycled into dozens of useful, environmentally-sensitive products.

  154. 154
    Bilda Berger says:

    That’s because “Jimmy” doesn’t exist. Posts purporting to be by him are generated by a program fed with all the mantras and superstitions of the left. The algorithms are quite simple but the resulting expressions can be amazingly complex and even lifelike. Sometimes, by chance, there is even an uncanny spark of wit.

    Development of the algo was funded by Unite; the first instantiation was launched in a humanoid named the Draper, which malfunctioned and had to be recalled. The Watson fared a little better but has now also been scrapped (trouble with the cybernetics). The Abbotopotamus has also gone haywire; Jimmy is not allowed out of the lab., so is still just about working.

  155. 155
    Spongers says:

    On Benefits & Proud is pretty depressing viewing. The young children are blameless, but the parents are wretched. One mother said she buys things half price from local shoplifters. She spends £300 a week on food from Iceland and feeds her children frozen food all deep fried.

    One girl, who lives off benefits and said whenever she wants something extra she calls her boyfriend, said without the slightest hint of irony “I’m an independent young lady”.

    Others have said they won’t work because they don’t like certain jobs.

    Fucking miserable state of affairs.

  156. 156
    Complaints Department says:

    Are the ‘Like This’ thingies here to stay ? Somewhat bad.

  157. 157
    Universal Hiss says:

    What’s with this like this shit?

    I don’t like it.

    FFS Guido.

  158. 158
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    We tried all this 2011/2012 and it didn’t work then.

  159. 159
    Bilda Berger says:

    On the “wain”?

    I smell a sockpuppet.

  160. 160
    Like this says:

    These ‘Like this’ polyps make the screen jigger about for SO long on the iPad.

  161. 161
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    I think he’s giving the blog a damn good shake to see if any lefties fall out?

  162. 162
    An Infamous Abusive Creep Lying Leech says:

    Bingo!

  163. 163
    Another Engineer says:

    With NoScript, Ghostery, Flashblock, and AdBlock, all these problems go away…

  164. 164
    Universal Hiss says:

    & it’s fucked your site.

    Funny though. I think he has some outcasts from the Universal Credit hot-shot programmers delivering absolutely nothing to any computers by 2017.

    I’ve never typed through a screen earthquake before so you’ve managed a first!

  165. 165
    Spongers says:

    I’ve worked out what a big part of the problem is when it comes to the underclass who live off benefits. They have no self-discipline and work ethic when it comes to wanting material possessions. A regular person who wants, say, a plasma TV or iPad, will work for it and go without until he/she can afford it. Benefit scroungers, on the other hand, want instant gratification. There’s no concept of “I’m not entitled to this, I have to work for it”. It’s “I want it and I want it now”.

    It throws into sharp relief the leftie idiots who claimed the riots in 2011 were a political protest. There was no political statement in looting stores for trainers, mobile phones, TVs and DVD players.

    There are people who are genuinely poor and should be helped to get back to work, but there are those who are classified as poor but are actually relatively poor in terms of whether they own an XBox or not.

  166. 166
    Another Engineer says:

    Though there is some text below every post that says:

    Loading…

  167. 167
    Universal Hiss says:

    They don’t up ere.

  168. 168
    Anonymous says:

    And yet, while the majority of the UK public are fed up with ice-like McCanns, the BBC continue to suck up to the the ice-people and refuse to ask any hard questions – almost as if they are the Royals.

  169. 169
    Squat says:

        

      

    _+880____________________________
    _++88____________________________
    _++88____________________________
    __+880_________________________+++
    __+888________________________+888
    __++880______________________+888_
    __++888_____+++88__________+++8__
    __++8888__+++8880++88____+++88___
    __+++8888+++8880++8888__++888____
    ___++888++8888+++888888++888_____
    ___++88++8888++8888888++888______
    ___++++++888888888888888888______
    ____++++++88888888888888888______
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    _______+++++++088888888888_______
    ________+++++++8888888888________
    ________+++++++0088888888________
    ________++++++0088888888____
    Reply

  170. 170
    ℬilly ℬumshir℮ is the Ḡr℮at℮st ℬumpir℮ ℮v℮r! says:

    Oh shit my F5 key has fallen off!

  171. 171

    OK, OK! I was just burnishing my Greening credentials.

  172. 172
    Matthew Amawillywally says:

    Is it just me, or were there a dispro·portion·ate·ly large number of Muslims on Crimewatch this evening?

  173. 173
    Another Engineer says:

    You need to prevent scripts from wp.com running.

  174. 174
    BBC says:

    It’s just you.

    RACIST!

  175. 175
    Harsh says:

    Fair cop ?

  176. 176
    Loading... says:
  177. 177
    Silent Bob says:
  178. 178
    Silent Bob says:

    This is fucking outrageous!

  179. 179

    Confound it! You are right. It should be wane. It doesn’t help with this screen jumping about but that is no excuse, I should know that.

  180. 180
    Joe says:

    Thi s is g e tting rid icu lous now Gu ido, I can ‘t ty pe fo r s h i t!!!

  181. 181
    Joe says:

    We ll s aid Bob.

  182. 182
    Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

    The one on the right is that Chris Hollins from the T.V., dear. I’m not sure about the other, though.

  183. 183
    Joe says:

    Th at’s the m an!

  184. 184
    But says:

    Did they all have a copy of the Guardian Handbook for anti-British Terrorists?

  185. 185
    UpYours says:

    Just as interesting would be the figure of us GB taxpayers who weren’t born in the UK…
    I suspect the thought that foreigners pay a substantial amount of British taxes would shut you up.
    I was getting fed up with your incessant pathetic whining, so I’ve sacked my British workers and emigrated to a much nicer place with a much lower cost of living where you can still leave your doors open.

  186. 186
    Rip van Winkle says:

    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz WTF?

  187. 187
    A Golden Dawn Muslim sponsored by John Humphries says:

    It’s just you…you fucking racist!

    How dare the Greeks think that Greece is for the fucking Greeks!

  188. 188
    Shakin all over says:

    Geedo’s got the DTs

  189. 189
    And says:

    Doesn’t Humphreys own a house in Greece?

  190. 190
    Aechmophorus says:

    The sign for averting the evil eye. I got stopped and searched by the police for making that sign when walking past Blair’s house in Connaught Square. Although the police went through the motions, I felt they were on my side. As one of them was writing down my explanation, he asked me how to spell ‘apotropaic’, and they fell about laughing at the ridiculousness of what they were being made to do.

  191. 191
    Ian Katzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz says:

    RU Rachel Reevezzzzzzz?

    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  192. 192
    A Better Wheel says:

    Why should we have to? Why not just set up the site so it is stable in the first place?

  193. 193
    Universal Hiss says:

    I’d never heard of a company called Brighthouse until recently. This sort of outfit could never thrive without the help of very,very stupid people.

    Have a Google if you don’t know about them.

    I find it almost unbelievable.

  194. 194
    UpYours says:

    Yes, how about banning ZioLoon propaganda hatemongers ?!

  195. 195
    Craggy Island says:

  196. 196
    Universal Hiss says:

    Look what you have done Guido.

    I’m going to have to watch Newsnight.

    Meh!

  197. 197
    Don't Like this says:

    Waiting for public-apl.wordpress.com, sounds nasty g, but that blue star and Like this are using it.

  198. 198
    Baby Boomer says:

    I hear you, man. I hear you.

  199. 199
    The Crowd says:

    Boo

  200. 200
    I don't like this says:

    .

  201. 201
    Aechmophorus says:

    Try blocking scripts on the site. I did this already when Toxic Taffy was filling it with YouTube clips. It makes the ‘Like this’ things show as ‘Loading…’ forever, and the screen stays still. In Firefox, download NoScript. In Chrome, blocking scripts is in the program’s own settings. If you’re still using Internet Explorer, I’m sad for you.

  202. 202
    Aechmophorus says:

    See 200 above.

  203. 203

    Perhaps they thought you were talking about the member for Bradford East…

  204. 204
    Casual Observer 4 says:

    Awesome suggestion: Added [*.]www.wp.com to Block on JavaScript in Chrome Advanced settings.

    Site is now usable :-D

  205. 205
    Maximus says:

    Can’t speak for the underclass, but what you write about self-discipline, work ethic and material possessions seems to apply big-time to IT parasites contractors on government contracts.

  206. 206
    Crimewatch says:

    Great news! We have found Maddie – She was under the bed the whole time!

  207. 207

    I would like to thank Guido for his confidence in me in allowing me to revamp his website. Please be assured that the work will be done on time, under budget and will continue to be glitch free. If they are not you have my word that a civil servant will take full responsibility.

  208. 208
    DOPEY DAVE ONE TERM DISASTER says:

    Don’t flatter yourself the photo fit looks human , you fetus faced twat

  209. 209
    Next says:

    M’s tenth Birthday.
    After that 10th Anniversay of the tapas meal.
    2107 the….

  210. 210
    BBC FAIL says:

    Newsnight – Cursty Squawk

    A Polish woman says “Poles don’t believe in the British health service” – apparently they prefer to go to Poland to have their health checks.

    Did Ms Squawk follow that up – What do you think?

  211. 211
    Aechmophorus says:

    And just a couple of minutes ago, Guido seems to have pulled the ‘Like this’ feature. Well, anyway, with scripts blocked and ΑdΒlock in place, the site becomes much more civilised generally.

  212. 212
    Next says:

    Imagine having to write

    Sir Alex Ferguson Way on an envelope FFS

    What do we have post-codes for? SAFW 1 Lpool 3

  213. 213
    Casual Observer 4 says:

    Agreed. It is much more responsive now.

  214. 214

    I would regard existentialism and metaphysics to be in an XOR relationship rather than AND.

  215. 215
    Ed Dafty, LimpDim MP, Climate Change Chieftain says:

    OK, I CONFESS: I’M USELESS.

  216. 216
    Fishy says:

    Did Ms Squawk allow the Tory MP to answer a single question? Her interruptions could be measured as within milliseconds

  217. 217
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

    HHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLPPPPP !!

  218. 218
    Universal Hiss says:

    I did & I have. Actually I unblocked the YouTube block when Taffy fucked off.(Did he jump or was he pushed?)

    Using IE? Wash your mouth out.

  219. 219

    I had just added NoScripts and thought that was why.

    Still, I have got it now.

  220. 220
    Blowing Whistles says:

    I’m glad I never bought into all that AGW/CC guff by Al Gore and his friends – otherwise I’d be looking like a right fucking turkey who would vote for Christmas if I was told to?

    Have lessons been learned – You Cognitive Dissonance suffering nut-jobs / monkeys?

  221. 221
    Photophit says:

    If you have any information about Madeleine McCann you can call Crimewatch on 0500 600 600 or anonymously to Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111

    Just did and all you get is a recorded message saying ” Why didn’t you ring 6 years ago? “

  222. 222
    Universal Hiss says:

    That must have been about the time I shouted shut the fuck up you silly bitch or words to that effect.

  223. 223
    Meanwhile, in the real world says:

    What is trending tonight ? #mic

    WTF ?

  224. 224
    Disband the Bbbc says:

    It’s not the Poles we have to worry about, their not trying to blow us up or change our laws.

    Round where I Live (South East London) it’s people of a much darker hue that are filling up the place. S’funny how it’s always the hard working Poles the media picks on and not the shifty looking camel shunters and the fat loud breedin’ mama’s with arse’s you could use as a book shelf from hoter climes.

  225. 225
    Blowing Whistles says:

    I hear that BiBi has spat out his dummy yet again – and is getting all stroppy. Does he know Will Young – perhaps there’s something in the genes about those who constantly stomp around bitching about things that mean SFA to normal people and me thinks that their ott blatherings expose their inner demons more than ever?

  226. 226
    Blowing Whistles says:

    I wish this new NSA group would start looking at the serious and organised crime (The Criminal enterprises of ‘Partnerships) going on in every local council up and down the fucking country. They may even save the taxpayer billions what?

  227. 227
    WTF... BBC??? says:

    Deary me, on NewsNight now we’ve got a man dressed in woman’s clothes and painted like a hoochie mama telling me art over 100-200 years ago was shit.

  228. 228
    Orestes says:

    Read between the lines!

  229. 229
    Boys in Blue on the Algarve says:

    The only thing we found out tonight was that a man sighted carrying a young child near the apartment who was eliminated by the PJ in the first week of the inquiry has also been eliminated by the MET’s best six years later.

  230. 230
    Universal Hiss says:

    I really like Grayson Perry. He is interesting & intelligent. Don’t like a lot of his frocks though & his make-up is applied with a catapult half the time.

    Still we all have our faults.

  231. 231
    Arrest Piers Morgan says:

    A tvrd would suffice!

  232. 232
    I wonder why says:

    The only Public Space where you can say almost anything you want gets so few comments.

    The great unwashed don’t feel the need for free speech?

  233. 233
    Arrest Piers Morgan says:

    He is hilarious as well as smart. Plus he is rarely on TV which means you don’t get sick fed up seeing him unlike Fry! Why doesn’t the BBC give Fry hisown channel?

  234. 234
    Ah! M says:

    Thanks for sending me upstairs with a smile on my face :)

  235. 235
    Rev I M Jolly says:

    Them photo-fits look nothing like Radio 1 DJs from the 1980s.

  236. 236
    Ed Dafty, LimpDim MP, Climate Change Chieftain says:

    LIBDEM COUNCIL TAX RAISES ARE MUCH HIGHER :)

  237. 237
    Blowing Whistles says:

    ere guvnor! Watched that crimewatch thingy and ave a question to ask – Was it only ‘Conspiracy Theorists’ who ‘sensationalised’ every aspect of their dilema, the Falconio dilema and many other ordinary peoples’ dilemas

    OR

    was it The (couldn’t give a …. about the truth but) let’s sell sensationalised and speculative copy mob in order to ramp up their bosses’ profits msm?

  238. 238
    Jabba Le Chat says:

    Ecoloons should be used as fox replacements in fox hunting, and the fox hounds replaced by Rottweilers. A splendid time guaranteed for all…

  239. 239
    G Fawkes says:

    Micky P and me are off to Casablanca

  240. 240
    Casual Observer 4 says:

    The people allegedly seen were not eliminated by the PJ.

    The PJ spent a while considering this individual to be M’urat as his residence is in that direction about 150m or so away.

    The direction he was reported to be walking in would be towards the creche away from the restaurant. The creche operated 19:30 to 23:00 and was located in the Kids Club. If headed to the creche this person would have had to walk down hill, that was not seen. Walking from creche, around to get to accommodation on that side also doesn’t make sense.

    As no individual has been traced, and two other people who were close to the scene at that time (JW / GM) could not corroborate, this sighting being fictitious is probable. There are several issues with the JT statements.

    The lead investigator was replaced as he was beginning to switch attention to the ‘Smith’ sighting (‘new’ one mentioned in CW tonight). The replacement investigator did not pursue that lead.

  241. 241
    How would we cope without our very own Obama? says:

  242. 242
    Beggars belief says:

    That I could leave my kids in bed and bugger off to our village Pizza Express.!!!!

    Why have they never been charged or routinely castigated by the Red Tops???

  243. 243
    The Dog says:

    Why wasn’t I on the prog? Nothing wrong with my nose.

  244. 244
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:

    I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ROYAL MAIL

  245. 245
    Daily Express says:

    What else is there?
    D14ana
    The weather
    M4ddie

  246. 246
    Universal Hiss says:

    I’ve never known what to think about that particular three ringed circus.

    Seemingly rational people had heated debates on hear-say,innuendo & plain lies.

    I came to no conclusion then & haven’t now.

    Is it downgraded to a two ringed circus yet?

  247. 247
    Plebplod says:

    We don’t wear blue, just tee shirts, shorts and sun cream :)

  248. 248
    Onion Terror says:

    Eeeeeee! Who would have thunk it.
    The tories were lying over elderly care after all!!!!!!

  249. 249
    BBC stands for Buggering British Children says:

    the real story is BBC perversion and infiltration by the left

  250. 250
    The Libor party says:

  251. 251
    Not Blowing Whistles says:

    More likely PR for the McCanns who are looking like they might lose their libel thingy in P’ortugal.

    The reconstruction was filmed in Spa!n, and not transmitted in P’ortugal. The Met are only going through old case stuff also, nothing new here at all.

    Also note: Met on twitter else where are talking about ‘disappearance’ not abduction.

    K’s hair looked a mess on the show as well. Tut.

    Very emotional, nothing factual.

    Look at who brought in the PR types back at the start to understand what the real conspiracy was here. BWB and PB / MW losses. Someone mentioned some of this the other day around here.

  252. 252
    Universal Hiss says:

    He’s not under pressure at all. He’s a LibDem.

    It wasn’t me. I wasn’t there.It might have been them.I don’t remember.A pledge means fuck all.No,I didn’t say that.

    Or in other words a big boy did it & ran away.

  253. 253
    Cuddle Cat says:

    And Me. Kate used to take me everywhere. Ask the Pope.

  254. 254
    Aechmophorus says:

    … and
    House prices
    New cure for cancer

    And ringing the changes:
    Thinking of Dіana can cure cancer
    Maddie makes house prices soar
    etc.

  255. 255
    Blowing Whistles says:

    And lastly – ‘Doing the rounds’ (inc pun) That Savile bloke given free reign at Broadmoor – and what with all them top top psychiatrists about – and NOT ONE OF THEM CLOCKED HIM?

    It gets worrying when there’s that saying about lunatics running the asylum?

  256. 256
    Aechmophorus says:

    And he can draw. Wish he wouldn’t do most of his drawings on ugly pots made by somebody else. On the flat, he’d be a second Hogarth.

  257. 257
    Onion Terror says:

    Eeeeeee! Who would have thunk it.
    The tories were lying over elderly care after all!!!!!!

  258. 258
    Say NO to European Onion says:

    Elderly care bill toasted by the tories.

  259. 259
    Say NO to European Onion says:

    Tories will be tories, under the tories.

  260. 260
    Casual Observer 4 says:

    Good call.

    Nothing wrong with nose, but the nose doesn’t tell us how long the scent has been down, or precisely the source.

    The Dogs are very sensitive, but cadaverine / putrescine do not develop immediately after death. Usually takes a couple of hours. A study in C’anada which proved dogs sensitivity used carpet tiles exposed to a cadaver which was 3 hours old, and the dogs picked that up in a blind test.

    Also, UK dogs are trained using pork products and human blood. The blood they will be sensitive to, but so to the scent of death and other pork related scents.

    Not dismissing, but should see a problem with timelines.

    Another way you can make cadaverine / putrescine that could fool a dog: Give a woman with v’aginosis a ‘cream pie’ and allow the mingled fluids to drip. This is the reason for ‘that’ smell, see the ‘whiff test’ (clinical procedure) for further detail.

    Or, allow some pork to go rotten in that area. Discarded bacon sandwich would do the trick.

    Fish also can release these chemicals. K may have had fish that evening. One of the cooks did an interview stating that ‘R’obalo’ (Sargent Fish with CusCus) and Steak were prepared for K+G.

    G had Steak. K likely had fish.

    This may in part explain how her clothes tested positive, and the toy. Compounds in fish will be detected by the cadaver dog.

    This does not rule anything out, just changes the interpretation of the reactions from the dogs, and provides a credible explanation for a false positive result on K.

  261. 261
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Fat boy Pickles said he was going to make it easier to sack the erring LA CEO’s some months ago – was he talking out of his rear end as usual?

  262. 262
    Not Blowing Whistles says:

    Savile was put in there to break the Prison Officers Association hold over the staff.

    The staff had him figured for a psychopath with a preference for children, but couldn’t do much about him because he was ‘protected’ by the management.

  263. 263
    Not Blowing Whistles says:

    You should ask him if he is a solicitor or barrister and note the answer carefully ;-)

  264. 264
    Jim Bob says:

    ‘night John Boy

  265. 265
  266. 266
    Casual Observer 4 says:

    That would be the pro-bono C’arter R’uck effect.

  267. 267
    Blowing Whistles says:

    I’m sorry Bob – I didn’t quite hear that – could you shout it out a bit LOUDER?

  268. 268
    Jimmy says:

    In what context? As a Labour MP? As the tory party’s babysitter?

  269. 269
    Jimmy says:

    Is it true that his seven years without making capt is still an army record?

  270. 270
    Jimmy says:

    Well there goes my canonisation.

  271. 271

    It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. You have to be dead first. I turned down the offer.

  272. 272

    He was a Labour MP, wasn’t he? I think he just strolled in the wrong door.

  273. 273
    Jimmy says:

    I grant you he’s certainly bright enough.

  274. 274
    Anonymous says:

    Nite, nite ,nite, nite, nite, nite ,nite, time to get up Waltons mountain already.

  275. 275
    Onion Terror says:

    Tories accidentally toasted themselves over elderly care lies.
    Shame. Good luck for 2015 election wrap show.

  276. 276
    fed-up in britain says:

    bbc. savile. tory scum.eu. cameran .hang them all high. jimmey savile still dead.

  277. 277
    Snowman says:

    Is this a disguised Millibean bandwain?

  278. 278
    Real Conservatives vote UKIP says:

    If you’re so bloody clever at rejecting bullshit then how come we’ve stuck with the bunch of crooks who like to think they’re entitled to lord it over us?

  279. 279
    John Tandy says:

    Altogether a recipe for disaster in 2015…..

  280. 280
    Infidel says:

    Oi you! Didn’t you read that entry in the previous post that non-Mozzies are not allowed to use the word ‘Allah’? Report to the nearest mosque at once to have your head removed (just in time for the sacrificial Eid too).

  281. 281
    They're Lying....Again... says:

    UKIP don’t do anywhere near as well in these polls as they do at the actual polls. The pollsters always pretend they are shocked, when UKIP get 25% or more of actual votes cast.

  282. 282
    Wot we want for Winterval ... says:

    Nice thought Doris, but the fact is it is very difficult to find virgins anywhere in Merseyide.

  283. 283
    Fellow traveller says:

    Surely it must have been more than 800,000 quid? That is approaching the fare for an awayday return to Birmingham.

  284. 284
    Fellow traveller says:

    And all thanks to the Labour Party’s fuel escalator that has priced may ordinary folk off the road.

  285. 285
    Can someone explain how I manage to stay upright? says:

    Nice bit of window dressing for the plebs.

  286. 286
    Can someone explain? says:

    We still don’t know why Gordon the Wonder horse busted a gut to assist with this case. Are they related or something? Otherwise, this seems to be just a case of a kiddie going missing thanks to negligent parents who left her unattended in an otherwise empty flat. There really is something excessively fishy about all of this and I see no hope of either police force ever getting to what really happened that night.

  287. 287
    Can someone explain? says:

    Cut their bennies to ten quid a week. Don’t work – don’t eat. Simple really. It just needs some balls in our politicians to stop all this nonsense in a matter of days.

  288. 288
    Can I help? says:

    If you had been to Hawaii, you would have known that it is the normal sign for “Chill” or “Let it all hang out”.

    Not a lot of people know that.

  289. 289
    A Doctor says:

    Gangrene in the keyboard? Dangerous. A bit like terminal dandruff.

  290. 290
    A Doctor says:

    “meh” is a Mandarin word roughly equivalent to the English “innit”.

    Mao told me that many years ago.

  291. 291
    To the Liverpool Pathway >>>>> says:

    Sensible people those Poles. Willing to travel half way across Europe just to get their BP checked. Are they trying to send a message do you think?

  292. 292
    Anonymous says:

    Is there a barber’s along that road where a chap can get his hair dried?

  293. 293
    non-person says:

    How odd! I filled in my ID and it came back as Anon. Have I been disappeared?

  294. 294
    non-person says:

    What happened to the story about blood being found in the back of their car?

  295. 295
    non-person says:

    Got to get their pension fund top-ups from somewhere..

  296. 296
    Godfrey says:

    slut

  297. 297
    non-person says:

    … on your way to Marrakesh where all the best skunk and young chaps are to be found?

  298. 298
    non-person says:

    Did Chucky mention that it was his mates in the unions that buggered up UK industry about 30 years ago? That is why it still needs ‘relaunching’ to try to recover some of the lost ground.

  299. 299
    non-person says:

    Was this ‘external review’ conducted by the local Labour Party officials perchance? How much of the increase has been pledged to LP coffers?

  300. 300
    non-person says:

    It’s just Vince ‘stamping’ his authority (or feet?) again.

  301. 301
    Cottage dweller says:

    We need bigger bog walls!

  302. 302
    Cottage dweller says:

    BW: How many more times do you have to be told? It is ‘free rein’ not ‘free reign’. Think of horses, not royalty.

  303. 303
    Just say no to immigration says:

    When don’t need to import either.

    Here’s a radical idea. Let’s try and become self sufficient in skills and work force.

    I know it’ll piss off all the rent seekers, the profiteers, slum landlords, serf employers, the labour party, the BBC and all the other vested interests keeping the mass immigration racket going. Good.

    Immigration was only ever about vested business interests lining their pockets and the labour party gerrymandering their vote.

  304. 304
    Tamworth pig says:

    Send in the Peelers.

  305. 305
    Elsie Hargreaves 5 Railway Terrace Dewsbury says:

    Another 10 NHS hospitals under investigation about Sir James.

    With all these additional compo claims I guess I will never be able to retire.

  306. 306
    Chief Morning Cloud says:

    He might be right on an ex-PM as well.

  307. 307
    albacore says:

    A Parliament made up of reverse ferrets?
    So, who ain’t aware that it has no merits?
    Its tripartite components of sick farces
    If only they’d vanish up their own arses!

  308. 308
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:

  309. 309
    Elsie Hargreaves 5 Railway Terrace Dewsbury says:

    If you think it is bad enough the Tories playing with fire that David Cameron is wandering around this morning wielding an axe.

    There is more than enough violent crime these days without our Prime Minister behaving like this.

  310. 310
    Lance Corporal Bill Bloggs (retired) says:

    I do not care what colour paper my tax bills are printed upon madam.

    All I care is that the bottom line figure should reduce considerably and I should be able to access some half decent public services

  311. 311
  312. 312
    Anonymous says:

    Contrary to the report, many conservatives thought the IDS election as leader was a success and it was only the subsequent delivery which failed.

    On IT, is it the disconnection with the world, and by ministers or the civil service; is it the power attraction of grand schemes; what is it that leads to proposals for wall-to-wall solutions as complete new-builds which fail and waste so much money, time and enthusiasm. Why oh why cannot these things be done better.

    For a government (and civil service) to admit they do not even capture the nationality of a claimant (I bet they capture self-perceived ethnicity and gender orientation!) to then believe it can write an NHS or DSS all singing all dancing solution, is just fantasy.

  313. 313
    Segolene says:

    Female Socialists who are ambitious are damn dangerous creatures.

    They will do absolutely anything to get to the top of the pole.

    They need watching and buying off at regular intervals

  314. 314
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    All you have to do is this.

    Abolish JSA and Child Benefit. and give all under 16s access to free school breakfasts and dinners cooked by Jamie (no second helpings) Oliver.

    Halve VAT which will save everyone a fortune and increase the tax free allowance to £12,500.

    You will put 365,000 civil servants out of work overnight and upset a few IT firms along the way but the benefits of self sufficiency will soon outweigh the subsidies.

  315. 315
    Benny says:

    Jimmy S. smiled at me once in 1975. I’ve just realised I’ve suffered brain damage ever since then.

    I want £1 million compensation from the taxpayers.

    How do I get in contact with the all the counsellors, lawyers and caring parasites that are running the gravy train about this paedo.

    P.S. It’s a shame he’s dead, otherwise there could be even more false claimants like me.

  316. 316
    Borris says:

    I find an extra dollop of KY helps them slip down nicely.

  317. 317
    Chris says:

    Ive got one you can have but I am not paying too much.

  318. 318
    UKIP or bust says:

    The bbc’s ‘news’ in order of priority this morning:

    The Mc Canns six year old tragedy

    A Muslim politician is killed in another country

    Something different might happen sometime in the future in care homes

    Osborne signs deal for London to become the financial hub of China (WOW)

    Now had that deal been signed by the great useless coward Gordo, or even the other Jock with eyebrows, I wonder where that last piece would have been?

  319. 319
    Pretty Boy Owen says:

    Do you have a spare room in your cottage? Mummy Jones has evicted me.

  320. 320
    Stergene says:

    Keep it clean

  321. 321
    The Walton Family says:

    You laugh, but we made a shitload of money later on when we founded Walmart. (YOU say good night, asshole!)

  322. 322
  323. 323
    To CO4 says:

    The dogs went in after 3or 4 days.

  324. 324
  325. 325
    LibLab LibCon ConLab LibLabCon take your pick says:

    @Axe The Telly Tax
    “1.Stop paying the telly tax
    2. Stop buying the lying rags laughably calling themselves newspapers
    3. Vote UKIP at every opportunity
    Remember vote early,vote often,vote UKIP”

    I endorse this comment and commend you to this helpful video clip entitled
    “How To Avoid The TV Licence Legally”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4RdOE0tQvU

  326. 326
    Miliwillie says:

    I use Harpic down the tubes daily

  327. 327
    VINCE (can anybody else smell shit ?) CABLE says:

    Even though i totally fucked up on Royal Mail and to date have lost the taxpayer
    £1.7 Billion quid i am still pushing the government line that Royal Mail was not under valued as a company

    Now we know why this country will never elect a Lib Dum government

  328. 328
    The Chavez have it says:

  329. 329
  330. 330
    VINCE (can anybody else smell shit ?) CABLE says:

    These would be the same top psychiatrists that let psyco’s back on to the streets to kill again
    and the same ones who release child killers like Thompson and Venables and the murdering bitch baby P’s mother after only a couple of years inside

  331. 331
    REALWORLDER says:

    But surely they all have a Labour postal vote !

  332. 332
    VINCE (can anybody else smell shit ?) CABLE says:

    Good morrow sir did you have a flutter on RM ?

  333. 333
    an undercover pensioner says:

    .
    .
    Milliwatt, Emperor of the wind and the Sun .
    went to sit on his chamberpot chair
    and disappeared

  334. 334
    Wik says:

  335. 335
    REALWORLDER says:

    WRONG cut their benefits to fuck all!!

  336. 336
    VINCE (can anybody else smell shit ?) CABLE says:

    Is the faux pas that Ed is 7 years late on his announcement ?

  337. 337
    Bollocks Broadcasting Corporation says:

    We were not sure whether to headline McCanns or Strictly news.

  338. 338
    Dave the Liability says:

    £1.7 billion is fuck all. Less than a week’s Deficit for my incompetent Government.

    The Debt will have doubled by circa £700 billion while I was Prime Minister.

    P.S. note the “was”

  339. 339
    REALWORLDER says:

    Money well spent, without council tax there would be no LGBT outreach workers or,” five a day” co ordinators or anyone to distribute contraceptives to nine year olds.

  340. 340
    Dave the Liability says:

    I’m really proud of the way we LibLabConners care for the murderous bastards.

  341. 341
    LibLabConners says:

    Are the bennies a bit short again this week? Invent another abuse memory and screw some compo out of the taxpayer.

  342. 342
    SailingGypsy says:

    Yawn….!

  343. 343
    Drake's Drum says:

    “What about punctuation?”

    Erm… errant apostrophes?

  344. 344
    Matilda says:

    Is there ANYTHING that this Hippo does not have an opinion on?

  345. 345
    an undercover pensioner says:

    He has the look of one of those masonic types.

  346. 346
    VINCE (can anybody else smell shit ?) CABLE says:

    He needs it for an ear transplant

  347. 347
    Tony "Mine Shutter" Benn says:

    “I think we should draw a line under that and move on”

  348. 348
    Sheesh says:

    Venezuela is run by a corrupt socialist bureaucratic government.

    Of course the Abbopotamus likes it.

  349. 349

    Not from here, I am afraid. I do have a place in Northumberland but it was too much hassle to do it that way.

  350. 350

    What a pity this became caught up in the m0d. :-)

  351. 351
    Anonymous says:

    Put it this way. Having been conned by Tony and his mates, we now have to put up with ComDem and all their bullshit – so if would be great if UKIP would stand up for the wo/man in the street. Yet since many UKIP backers are from the the same old upper/business class – is this likely to happen?

  352. 352
    Anonymous says:

    For a telling insight into the mindset of the media, check the film: Ace In The Hole. As if the modern media would ever act like that today?

  353. 353
    More Correctly says:

    Come on now, you know that Axing the Bedroom Tax & hanging the Super-Rich from a next Lamp Post would be far more fun.

  354. 354
    Alf Bigot says:

    So Till Death Do We Part got it right? “I tell you, it’s your bloodly Labour Party.”


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