Non-Leveson-Compliant Sketch
(With Topless Counsel and Hot Tubs)

Sir Brian Leveson’s clever strategy with his committee appearance was to stand on the Fifth (see Quote of the Day).

For the first long sequence of answers to Tory questions he confined himself to variations of “Quod dixi, dixi.” In English, “Read the report, you lazy tossers!”

But he was happy to answer Labour’s Ben Bradshaw as though he was being paid by the word.

Labour heads nodded sagely as he repeated his owlish judicialisms, and a chorus of Core Participants in reserved seats (two thirds of the public seating) chuckled supportively.

Tory Conor Burns wished the Inquiry had never been constituted. The criminal law could have cleared up the evils complained of.

Tory Tracey Crouch struck a spark. The three existing media regulators all had a different definition of “public interest”. So, was it possible to design a regulatory regime without a single definition of this important principle?

We had got along for years without such a definition, Sir Brian observed.

Yes, but we’d also got on for years without a Leveson-compliant regulatory regime.

Sir Brian’s decision not to engage in the cage-fight of public debate started to look understandable. He’s not very good at it.

Philip Davies’ audience enjoyed his impression of examining magistrate with his full array of contemptuous insinuations, nasty innuendoes and (best of all) insolent incredulity. Sir Brian didn’t like it one little bit.

The details are too many for this sketch but the general idea was that their Bonking Barrister’s Crafty Counsel’s Plea was for More Sex, We’re Solicitors! And Brian, the innocent old booby was in it up to his apricots.

Sir Brian doesn’t realise how these things work. If politicians are given a stitch they’ll eventually make a net.

As for not adding any kind of gloss on his report: “I should like to think the general public is sufficiently sophisticated to know what the general issues are.”

Of course he’d also like to think the general public reads Le Monde, eats Sartre sandwiches and is saving up for a Chagal.



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

GuidoFawkes Quote of the Day

Sepp Blatter speaks:

“I am not corrupt. I believe I will go to heaven one day.”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Environmental Advantages of Airport Expansion Environmental Advantages of Airport Expansion
PMQS SKETCH PMQS SKETCH
“Dodgy” Dave v “Jurassic” Skinner “Dodgy” Dave v “Jurassic” Skinner
Missed PMQs? Catch Up in Full Here Missed PMQs? Catch Up in Full Here
Do you have what it takes to join a GCHQ hacking SCHOOL? Do you have what it takes to join a GCHQ hacking SCHOOL?
IDS Expenses Row: Was Credit Card Suspended Or Not? IDS Expenses Row: Was Credit Card Suspended Or Not?

Questions Channel 4 News Don’t Want to Ask Questions Channel 4 News Don’t Want to Ask
Zac and Boris Warn Dave Zac and Boris Warn Dave
NHS UN-APPY NHS UN-APPY
MP Shagging His Secretary on Highest Paygrade MP Shagging His Secretary on Highest Paygrade
Owen Jones Gets Owned Owen Jones Gets Owned
Read Sajid Javid Speech Slamming CBI Read Sajid Javid Speech Slamming CBI
Watch: BBC3 Greatest Hits Watch: BBC3 Greatest Hits
LORD DEBEN’S CLIMATE ALARMISM LORD DEBEN’S CLIMATE ALARMISM
WATCH: Terror Training Exercise in London WATCH: Terror Training Exercise in London
Meet the Next Generation of Troughing MPs Meet the Next Generation of Troughing MPs
Boris on £275,000 at Telegraph Boris on £275,000 at Telegraph
Supercar Socialist Polly Toynbee Supercar Socialist Polly Toynbee
Read CPS Janner Statement in Full Read CPS Janner Statement in Full