Non-Leveson-Compliant Sketch
(With Topless Counsel and Hot Tubs)

Sir Brian Leveson’s clever strategy with his committee appearance was to stand on the Fifth (see Quote of the Day).

For the first long sequence of answers to Tory questions he confined himself to variations of “Quod dixi, dixi.” In English, “Read the report, you lazy tossers!”

But he was happy to answer Labour’s Ben Bradshaw as though he was being paid by the word.

Labour heads nodded sagely as he repeated his owlish judicialisms, and a chorus of Core Participants in reserved seats (two thirds of the public seating) chuckled supportively.

Tory Conor Burns wished the Inquiry had never been constituted. The criminal law could have cleared up the evils complained of.

Tory Tracey Crouch struck a spark. The three existing media regulators all had a different definition of “public interest”. So, was it possible to design a regulatory regime without a single definition of this important principle?

We had got along for years without such a definition, Sir Brian observed.

Yes, but we’d also got on for years without a Leveson-compliant regulatory regime.

Sir Brian’s decision not to engage in the cage-fight of public debate started to look understandable. He’s not very good at it.

Philip Davies’ audience enjoyed his impression of examining magistrate with his full array of contemptuous insinuations, nasty innuendoes and (best of all) insolent incredulity. Sir Brian didn’t like it one little bit.

The details are too many for this sketch but the general idea was that their Bonking Barrister’s Crafty Counsel’s Plea was for More Sex, We’re Solicitors! And Brian, the innocent old booby was in it up to his apricots.

Sir Brian doesn’t realise how these things work. If politicians are given a stitch they’ll eventually make a net.

As for not adding any kind of gloss on his report: “I should like to think the general public is sufficiently sophisticated to know what the general issues are.”

Of course he’d also like to think the general public reads Le Monde, eats Sartre sandwiches and is saving up for a Chagal.



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Jeremy Corbyn on today’s results:

“We hung on.”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

LABOUR LEADERSHIP RIVALS RAKE IN HUGE DONATIONS LABOUR LEADERSHIP RIVALS RAKE IN HUGE DONATIONS
KEN: CREATION OF ISRAEL “FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG” KEN: CREATION OF ISRAEL “FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG”
MINISTER MEDIA MONITOR: SKY WINNING BATTLE OF PRODUCERS MINISTER MEDIA MONITOR: SKY WINNING BATTLE OF PRODUCERS
TAXPAYER FUNDING MORE PRO-EU ADVERTS TAXPAYER FUNDING MORE PRO-EU ADVERTS
ISTANBULSH*T: DAVE SAYS TURKEY EU MEMBERSHIP “NOT REMOTELY ON THE CARDS” ISTANBULSH*T: DAVE SAYS TURKEY EU MEMBERSHIP “NOT REMOTELY ON THE CARDS”
MILF FAN TORY CLAIMS “I WAS HACKED” MILF FAN TORY CLAIMS “I WAS HACKED”
TRUMP: BRITS BETTER OFF WITHOUT EU TRUMP: BRITS BETTER OFF WITHOUT EU
BOTTOMS UP! HUGH BONNEVILLE CELEBRATES STAGE SUCCESS BOTTOMS UP! HUGH BONNEVILLE CELEBRATES STAGE SUCCESS
NUTJOB PLAID CANDIDATE: UK CREATED ISIS NUTJOB PLAID CANDIDATE: UK CREATED ISIS
MEDIA MINISTER MONITOR: LEAVE WINNING AIR WAR MEDIA MINISTER MONITOR: LEAVE WINNING AIR WAR
CPS SAYS UP TO COPS TO PURSUE TORIES CPS SAYS UP TO COPS TO PURSUE TORIES
IPSO: COKE PROBABLY WAS SNORTED AT MOMENTUM PARTY IPSO: COKE PROBABLY WAS SNORTED AT MOMENTUM PARTY
PMQS SKETCH: Corbyn Withstands Heavy Shelling PMQS SKETCH: Corbyn Withstands Heavy Shelling
DECC: Please Think Before You Print DECC: Please Think Before You Print
TOP TORY COPPER IN MILF PORN SHOCKER TOP TORY COPPER IN MILF PORN SHOCKER
SHAPPS THROWS FELDMAN UNDER THE BATTLE BUS SHAPPS THROWS FELDMAN UNDER THE BATTLE BUS
CORBYN REFUSES TO WITHDRAW HAMAS “FRIENDS” COMMENT 4 TIMES CORBYN REFUSES TO WITHDRAW HAMAS “FRIENDS” COMMENT 4 TIMES
SADIQ: “I’M SORRY” FOR RACIAL SLUR AGAINST MODERATE MUSLIMS SADIQ: “I’M SORRY” FOR RACIAL SLUR AGAINST MODERATE MUSLIMS
TWO MORE LABOUR COUNCILLORS RANTED ABOUT “JEWS” TWO MORE LABOUR COUNCILLORS RANTED ABOUT “JEWS”
CRUZ QUITS, HITS WIFE CRUZ QUITS, HITS WIFE
KHAN CALLED MODERATE MUSLIMS “UNCLE TOMS” ON IRANIAN STATE TV KHAN CALLED MODERATE MUSLIMS “UNCLE TOMS” ON IRANIAN STATE TV
NAZ SHAH RESIGNS FROM HOME AFFAIRS SELECT COMMITTEE NAZ SHAH RESIGNS FROM HOME AFFAIRS SELECT COMMITTEE
HAMAS DISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM CORBYN HAMAS DISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM CORBYN
LABOUR COUNCILLOR DEFENDS COMPARING JEWS TO HITLER LABOUR COUNCILLOR DEFENDS COMPARING JEWS TO HITLER
TOP CORBYNISTA MP TWEETED ABOUT PUTTING ISRAEL IN MID-WEST OF AMERICA TOP CORBYNISTA MP TWEETED ABOUT PUTTING ISRAEL IN MID-WEST OF AMERICA
GOVE TOPS CONHOME POLL AGAIN GOVE TOPS CONHOME POLL AGAIN
UBER, BUT FOR BREXIT UBER, BUT FOR BREXIT
LABOUR’S BANK HOLIDAY TIMELINE LABOUR’S BANK HOLIDAY TIMELINE
THIRD LABOUR COUNCILLOR SUSPENDED OVER “HITLER” TWEET THIRD LABOUR COUNCILLOR SUSPENDED OVER “HITLER” TWEET
LABOUR COUNCILLOR: ISRAEL BEHIND ISIS, “ZIONIST JEWS ARE A DISGRACE TO HUMANITY” LABOUR COUNCILLOR: ISRAEL BEHIND ISIS, “ZIONIST JEWS ARE A DISGRACE TO HUMANITY”