October 10th, 2013

“Ill” Handy-cock is on Foreign Jolly in Azerbaijan

Pervy justice-dodger Mike Hancock was too poorly to give evidence to committees and courts over allegations of sexual assault, yet the suspended LibDem has surfaced. In Baku, Azerbaijan.

It will come as no surprise to regular readers that he is watching the women over there. A local newswire reports:

 “I have not observed any irregularity since the presidential elections started in Azerbaijan. In fact, the process is going on easily and conveniently,” British member of PACE, observer Mike Hancock told APA. He specially stressed Azerbaijani women’s activity in the elections: “I would like to express my respect to them, because they are taking an active part in the organization of elections. I have been to at least 10 polling stations. I have not seen even minor shortcomings that people might complain. The other important thing is that many people are coming to vote. They are friendly. No one is nervous. In general, I can say that today is still very successful and believe it will continue so.”

Meanwhile, the Azerbaijani Electoral Commission accidentally released the ‘results’ of the election before the polls even opened. Perhaps Mike was distracted elsewhere…


130 Comments

  1. 1
    Handycock says:

    I am looking for someone to finger.

    • 41

      Let him have his fun for now. I hear a big door locking behind him when he shares a cell with the Moose sometime next year.

      • 51
        Sid says:

        Nobody told me about the Royal Mail sell off!

        • 65
          The UK Government says:

          We wouldn’t have sold you many in any case. We’re more interested in selling them in large numbers to foreign sovereign funds like Dubai etc. We need to increase foreign control of the UK to fit in with the worldwide Common Purpose strategy.

      • 73

        Can you come downstairs a moment?

        • 122
          Morgan's Organ says:

          Nick Clegg has obviously been downstairs with Handicock, how else could he have allowed himself to be made such an arsehole by the pervy MP?

    • 124
      Old Blue Eyes says:

      And I am particularly interested in Azerbaijani women’s activity in the erections.

  2. 2
    Demon Dacre says:

    Plenty of women on the MAIL online sidebar of shame .

    • 14
      Mike Handcock says:

      Any photo’s you would like to recommend for my wanking pleasure?

    • 18
      Gaurdian reading teacher on the run with a 15 year old pupil says:

      The way young girls are portrayed in the mail borders on perversion.

      • 32
        Jimmy says:

        The funny thing is that righties who like to boast about Daily Hitler website statporn think all those people are coming to read Simon Heffer.

        • 36
          Mehdi Hasan says:

          Heffer !

          He sounds like a typical kufr to me.

        • 42
          Ma­qboul says:

          If you say so.

        • 46
          Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

          Biggest demographic amongst DM readers is Labour voting women – stands to reason – the Hello style attracts women of low intelligence and people of low intelligence are more likely to vote Labour

          • Jimmy says:

            Whereas the nation’s intellectual elite is to be found here.

          • Ma­qboul says:

            Only when you’re here Jimmy.

          • Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

            I think you’ll find the nation’s intellectual elite emigrated a long time ago Jimmy, hence why the country is going to the dogs.

          • Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

            I suppose we could all go over to Labour List and watch the tumbleweeds blowing around. Is is lack of reading or writing skills in the target audience that explains the low number of comments.

            That and the fact most of the material is boring shite

          • Jimmy says:

            It’s true that Labour List has longer words and fewer pictures than here. It may also be that righties spend more time on the internet.

          • Poor Bloody Taxpayer says:

            I thought all the Labour voters read The Guardian. They get a better class of dim-wit.

        • 56
          There's nothing social about socialism says:

          What I find funny is that Lefties expect Righties to pay for the Glorious Socialist Utopia that Lefties have always hankered after, without having to make any contribution towards it themselves.

          • The BBC says:

            Quite right too.

          • Jethro says:

            Very Old Rhyme:
            ‘What is a Socialist? One who has yearnings
            For equal division Of unequal earnings:
            This is the man who is perfectly willing,
            To fork out his Penny*, and pocket your Shilling*

            For the benefit of younger readers:
            You can tell it’s really old: in the Old Days, a Pound (£) was divided into 20 Shillings (s), each Shilling being divided into 12 Pence – or Pennies (d)

          • Labour-educated kid with an A* in GCSE maths says:

            What does “divided” mean?

          • Jimmy says:

            The Lemon Party will bring back shillings. They can’t be doing with the new money.

      • 33
        Rubbish says:

        Printing photos of attractive women=bad.
        Printing guidebooks for terrorists=good.

        • 63
          There's nothing social about socialism says:

          The Lefties are full of funny contradictions.

          Such as, if you regard Islamic extremists as “primitive savages”, Lefties scream “Racist!” (even though Islam isn’t a race.)

          If you point out that Islamic extremists are misogynist homophobes who abuse children, Lefties respond,”don’t criticise their culture, they’re primitive savages who don’t know any better.”

          • Jimmy says:

            In other words, they’re righties.

          • There's nothing social about socialism says:

            You have this funny hatred of Righties, Jimmy. And yet, when you dream of your Socialist Utopia of fairness and equality and free this and free that, who do you expect to pay for it all? You? Everyone? Or “Righties”.

            Righties. Without them, Jimmy, you’re nothing. No bennies. No council house. No NHS. All of these things provided for you, by Righties. So show some respect.

          • Jimmy says:

            Hatred? What on earth makes you think that? I would hardly have come amongst you unless there was hope of redemption. You don’t have to be this way.

          • Paniagua v5 says:

            come amongst you !!!!

            You are Chris Bryant and I claim my free Clam Chowder.

  3. 3
    Judge Dreadful says:

    What a contemptuous little man.

    • 20
      Moscow Mike Handycock says:

      How dare you . I have been visiting Azerbaijan for years, as their women are most accommodating and provided by the State. As long as this continues I ‘will not see even minor shortcomings that people might complain.’ Of course this might be my last shagging trip on taxpayer’s money for a while, as the Portsmouth Council hearing in to my sexual behaviour is programmed to happen on 15 November. However, I fully intend to pull a sickie to defer the event at that time. Boaz.

  4. 4

    Off on a freebie, innit? Do not linger near his finger!!!

    • 81
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

      Does any one know who is leaking this information to the current edition of Private Eye from Portsmouth City Council, so that my boys can deal with them?

      ‘Mike “Handy” Hancock’s defence against a mentally ill constituent’s allegations of sexual harassment and assault has emerged at last. The MP for Portsmouth South will maintain that he is the real victim.
      Portsmouth City Council (Hancock is a councillor) has received a report on the allegations by Nigel Pascoe QC, and by all accounts is a damning read. A statement on Hancock’s website complained: “Mike asked to meet with the independent investigator. This was denied him, despite him raising the refusal with the city council’s solicitor.”
      So there you have it. When he faces a hearing on whether he broke the council’s code of
      conduct, Hancock’s tormentor will be a lawyer who did not deign to talk to him. “I haven’t seen the report,” Hancock told the Portsmouth News. “I asked to see the man carrying out the investigation; he refused to see me.”
      Handy’s story would be a dreadful breach of the basic standards of justice if it were true. But it isn’t. Far from barring Hancock from giving his side of the story, city solicitors told his lawyers months ago that Pascoe “intends to start taking evidence next week and hopes that
      your client will be in a position to come to his chambers in Winchester on Friday 12 july or any other date. When Hancock’s solicitors, Saulet Ashworth, wrote to the council on 9 August, they did not complain that Pascoe had “refused to see” their client. Instead they gave more reasons the investigation should not proceed.
      The council told Hancock that if he refused to speak, Pascoe would “proceed on the basis of your blank denial. In those circumstances,, he would be grateful if you could reconsider your present stance and cooperate at the present time.”
      Solicitors acting for the complainant “Annie”, the human rights firm Birnberg pierce, told the council the MP was now challenging the integrity of the council’s investigator and legal department. This leaves Portsmouth’s Lib Dem council leader Gerald Vernon- Jackson in a quandary. Does he still stick by his Lib Dem chum, even when he tells porkies about Veron-Jackson’s own council officers?’

      If anyone knows who wrote this for Private Eye also let me know for my boys to deal with the situation. Boaz.

      • 87
        Gerald Vernon-Jackson says:

        Oh me, oh my! Handy has embroiled us all in his corrupt planning schemes to raise political funds and backhanders that he has so much dirt on me and a few others that we have to go along with his crazy behaviour, otherwise he will take us down with him. I wish I had never come to Portsmouth! Boaz.

        • 103
          Stands to reason says:

          Too late Gerald – when Handy goes down he will surely take you and the rest of your team of bent and benders with him. You might have got away with it if any of you had spoken up sooner. Clean sweepout of LibDems coming up at the May Elections.

      • 129
        Mike Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

        … and this one too -from a recent issue:

        Man in the Eye
        The Liberal Democrats’ attempts to stop an investigation into Portsmouth MP Mike “Handy” Hancock’s alleged sexual harassment of a mentally ill constituent are becoming desperate.
        In theory, Portsmouth city council could release the results of its potentially career-destroying inquiry into Hancock’s behaviour this week.
        On no account, however, do Hancock and his colleagues want the case out in the open. They are prepared to risk wodges of taxpayers’ money to postpone the fateful day.
        As the Eye has said Hancock’s lawyers, Saulet Ashworth, are trying every trick in the book, including claiming that “Annie” (not her real name) “clearly consented” to the alleged abuse because she let Hancock into her flat.
        Now, in a threatening letter to Portsmouth council, Saulet Ashworth has invoked the name of Ian Hislop (who he, Ed?), to justify censorship. The lawyers claim that if the council continues its inquiry into Hancock it could be in contempt of court for prejudicing a civil action “Annie” has brought against the MP. In the case of “Attorney General v. Hislop [1991]”, they continue, “Private Eye was found guilty of contempt of defamation proceedings, by publishing defamatory comments about the claimant” before a civil libel case.
        The Eye’s sources say the threat reduced Portsmouth council’s lawyers to incredulous laughter. The attorney general accused the Eye of risking prejudicing the jury in a libel trial; there will be no jury for Annie’s civil action against Hancock next year.
        After they had composed themselves, the council’s lawyers went on to warn councillors that if they agreed to Hancock’s demands and froze the investigation, Annie’s legal team would take them to court – with a “90 percent” chance that Annie would win a judicial review. Local taxpayers would have to pick up a bill of at least £60,000.
        But Portsmouth city council is run by the Lib Dems, and Handy Hancock is the Lib Dem’s “Mr.Pompey”. He took the party from nowhere to control the council and one of Portsmouth’s two parliamentary constituencies. Even though Hancock resigned the Lib Dem whip to fight the abuse allegations, the local party still has a soft spot for him.
        Two of the three councillors on the governance subcommittee in charge of the investigation are Lib Dems. One has challenged the council’s lawyers, and has asked for taxpayers to hire a QC and seek a second opinion.
        If the delaying tactics fail, the subcommittee must decide in the next few days whether to accept a report by Nigel Pascoe QC into the allegations against Hancock. Even if it censures him, the council may drive the local and national press to despair by deciding not to release the details of Annie’s accusations against Hancock.
        Not one newspaper has published them – apart from the Eye that is. After Hancock claimed that the charges were “trivial”, we reported last month that Annie’s lawyers replied: “It is not a trivial complaint that Hancock attempted to force his tongue into her mouth, that he tried to part her legs with his foot or that he exposed his p**** and invited her to m********* him. Nor is a trivial complaint that Mr Hancock used his position as both an MP and a councillor to target, groom and exploit for his own purposes a vulnerable woman.”

  5. 5
    Raving Loon says:

    You can vote for anyone you like as long as it’s the incumbent president.

    • 6
      Henry Ford on the UK's next PM says:

      You can have any colour you like, as long as it’s bl@ck.

      • 22
        Rabbi Chaim Gunnar Kutsher-Dickov says:

        Listen, we sure as shit know how you’d feel, if the next PM were Ed Miliband, a nice yiddischer boychik, don’t we now, Henry you old schmuck schaegetz?

      • 34
        Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

        You can have any party you like as long as it’s LibLabCon.

      • 126
        Diane A (Hackney) says:

        I hear the call of destiny

  6. 7
    Lexander says:

    Who is paying him? Somebody tell us please.

  7. 8
    Agolf shitler says:

    It’s terrible, can’t turn up to face a disciplinary hearing, but perfectly ok to travel miles to a foreign country on a jolly.
    If I did this at work I’d be sacked on the spot
    Nice to see the limp dongs have no standards

  8. 9

    Ill Sick Handy-cock is on Foreign Jolly in Azerbaijan

    Fixed it for you. Now let’s fix it for him.

  9. 11
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Oi, Handy– if you’re going on a foreign jaunt, next time, go to Lourdes first. Then you can say it’s a miracle cure. Promptly have a relapse upon returning home.

  10. 12
    Hancocks cultural learnings of Azerbaijan says:

    I like sex,is nice

  11. 13
    Paniagua v5 says:

    The only taxpayer funded foreign trip that this parasite should be doing is to Dignitas.

  12. 15
    Sir William Waid says:

    Mr Hancock must beware of the Azeri Law on Gender Equality (2006), Article 2, which inter alia prohibits harassment by ‘offensive remarks’ or ‘disgracing advances’ of a sexual nature.

  13. 17
    Handyperve says:

    Is he visiting hospitals there to see the vulnerable women patients?

  14. 19
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    Simple to way to nail Handycock is to get him in front of a female judge and an all female jury.

    No funny handshakes or rolling his trouser leg up will do him any good :-)

  15. 24
    David Cameron shot my badger says:

    • 95
      Handycock Perv Extraordinaire says:

      Can you send me about 10,000 of those viagras. I will pay for them on my MP’s expenses? Boaz.

  16. 26
    Ma­qboul says:

    There’s some fine looking slappers out here. I’ll keep an eye open for him at some of the well known haunts.

  17. 27
    Drake's Drum says:

    I’m sure that these factors will be taken into account at the first bail hearing.

  18. 31
    Ed Dafty, LimpDim MP, Climate Change Chieftain says:

    LibDems: scum of the earth.

    http://bit.ly/16z6eeE

    • 39
      Ed Dafty, LimpDim MP, Climate Change Chieftain says:
      • 48
        Adolph Miliband hated Britain and so does his mutant son says:

        “A laptop belonging to the 59-year-old contained images of children sufferng ‘the most serious level of abuse’”

        Footage, taken at the LibDem conference, of children being forced by their parents to listen to Nick Clegg?

  19. 38
    Sussex Sid says:

    I salute you Handy. Never in the history of dodgy MPS has anyone taken the public for a ride
    As well as you. The voters in Portsmouth have been royally shafted.I predict a further glorious
    Victory in 2015 when you rise from your sick bed to take the Portsmouth public for a laugh one more time.

    • 80
      RomaBob...trafficking a kiddie or two.. says:

      “No young lady suffered in my second coming” Mike said to the thong…oops I mean throng!

  20. 43
    Another Gravy Train for MPs says:

    I should have known it

    PACE Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe

    Another Fucking Politicians’ gravy train.

    The Fuckers are embedded in every scam going.

    http://www.parliament.uk/mps-lords-and-offices/offices/delegations/coe2/

    The corruption and money taking of our Politicians just fills me with disgust for their ilk

  21. 49
    MSM Science reporting says:

    Alzheimer’s treatment breakthrough: British scientists pave way for simple pill to cure disease
    Historic ‘turning point’ hailed as UK researchers discover how to halt death of brain cells, opening new pathway for future drug treatments

    There’s a mile of difference between ‘halt’ or ‘cure’

    • 68
      Treat the cause not the disease says:

      Socialist education policy is the biggest killer of brain cells

    • 98
      Daniel Lambert's Chair says:

      This is only the initial step and researchers admit it will take a decade to perfect a cure…nice to see my old university at the cutting edge of medical science yet again

  22. 53
    take 2 asprin and lie down says:

    perhaps he is studying ballot box stuffing ?

  23. 58
    Displaced Brummie says:

    What a Hancock he is.

  24. 59
    take 2 asprin and lie down says:

    eastern european rumour says eternal life treatment offered free on NHS.

  25. 77
    RomaBob...trafficking a kiddie or two.. says:

    As Mike say’s, “Suffer little children to come unto me!”

  26. 82
    Guido says:

    Bring it on!

    In 2004, for the first time, most cash payments in Britain were made digitally, rather than using coins and notes. Similarly, it is only a matter of time before most ”newspapers” are read online. If the Government’s regulatory regime ends up regulating the printed word, rather than the pixel word, it will merely accelerate the switch to online news consumption. If it tries to regulate some online news providers but not others, it will merely hand the advantage to the unregulated. ( Carswell )

  27. 89
    Winston.... well Me says:

    This twitterer should have more followers than Britney surely.

    https://twitter.com/liarpoliticians

  28. 91
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

    LIBDEMS: GRUBBING AROUND IN THE DIRT FOR VOTES…..

    • 101
      take 2 asprin and lie down says:

      Perhaps the reason the prophet where’s_his_face had beards is because razor blades hadn’t been invented, you numpty

      • 114
        10,000 years BC says:

        Beards also help to keep the sun off the facial skin. These Arabs knew a thing or two about how to live and survive in the desert. Pity some drugged up oik turned it into a religion instead of a guidebook.

  29. 94
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    Is anything worn under the apron?

  30. 109
    Ed Balls says:

    Its no use. I have to just admit it. I’ve been hopelessly, hopelessly wrong on everything. Economy. Employment. taxation.
    Always have been and always will be.

    I don’t want to end up like Tony Benn. Pretending my ‘big ideas’ were all workable. While history records them for the idiocy that they were.

    Nope..Don’t want to be an old bore. So I shall quit at the next election and go and get a proper job. Delivering stuff or maybe a bit of painting and decorating.

  31. 110
    portsmouth city council says:

    We have found the person who leaked to the press. It’s Christine the tea lady. She is a terrible
    Gossip. She has promised to stop it.

    • 115
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

      Christine, I forgive you if you send your grand daughter down to the council car park to meet up with me. Boaz.

  32. 113
    Sunny Jim says:

    Results released early? No evidence of wrong-doing? It sounds as though he’s seeing what May 2015 in the UK will be like, as they weigh in the effnik postal votes…

  33. 123
    Jimmy Savile's Ghost says:

    Whenever I see his face pop up on here, it makes me laugh. I know it’s going to be a good read.

  34. 130
    Anonymous says:

    Just like Azerbaijan, politics in Portsmouth are totally rigged. The key to this is Handycock himself – the only politician in Britain who has a seat in Parliament and also has immense power as a Cabinet member of Portsmouth City Council, where he has sat comfortably for many many years. He holds the portfolio for economic development in this poor city. As such he is a walking disaster all round, because half the city is disenfranchised if it wants to object to their local MP about something the city council is doing. Although the leader of the city council is a decent enough guy, it is Hancock who clearly calls the shots. Portsmouth is a real rotten borough because his dual roles (three if you include his role on the Council of Europe) cannot be accomplished part time.


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