October 9th, 2013

SKETCH: How nice to be back among the familiar faces

The same 12-year-old making the same pantomime faces with the same fat dame beside him. She was pursing her lips and exercising her exopthalmia; the little one was dropping his jaw and letting his teeth out for a canter – they were both giving us to understand they couldn’t believe what they were hearing. It’s the commedia del arte school of politics, in which words are not enough. In the case of the Eds that’s both astute and true.

“He has no answer to Labour’s Price Freeze policy! He has no idea!” That and “the cost of living crisis” which “IS an economic policy”.

These are propositions that belong in the playground.

On the other side, the Prime Minister failed to wipe the floor with them. A mysterious failure, considering the resources at hand. He had a Miliband quote when he was Energy minister: “To deal with the problems of climate change, prices will have to rise.”

That powerful point – and others like it, such as economic growth, the IMF upgrade, Ed Balls “being wrong about absolutely everything” – got lost in the noise.

As a student of Blair, Cameron should realise that deadliness comes from quietness. It’s how Blair destroyed Hague – he was there, he will remember.

And one Labour point does need some attention from Tory theologians – why is it wrong to interfere in the mortgage market but not the energy market?

But neither was there the correct answer to “Why are energy prices so high?” (No answer is complete without the word “shale” in it.)

The Tory roar at the end showed the Speaker struggling to keep control. Maybe Simon Burns’ bid for deputy speaker is gaining popularity. It’s inconceivable that the Speaker isn’t working behind the scenes on Eleanor Laing’s behalf. It will be the best joke of the year if the House saddles him with his best – and most bestial – enemy.

Remembering Diane Abbott’s parting shot, Ed Miliband seems to be adding a little anti-immigrant nationalism to his socialist instincts. The balance is important, obviously, but that strategy has been electorally successful in the past, abroad.


  1. 1
  2. 2
    Yeah, right.... says:

    Very funny, but I can’t ever see a political movement combining nationalism and socialism causing too much of a fuss.

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    From seen elsewhere re welfare reforms polling

    Worse, those voters who sided with Mr Miliband by opposing the reforms were mainly confined to a minority who saw themselves as centre-Left or “very Left”, including Mirror readers, Guardian readers, the unemployed, and existing Labour voters.

    Labour the party of scrounges,hanger ons and parasites because they vote for them

  4. 4
    EUSSR says:

    Ok there was 63
    There are more than that in the EU undemocratic parliament where were the rest

  5. 5
    Mehdi Hasan says:

    Guido my son,a car stops dead if its exhaust system is blocked. The cooling fan on a computer is its exhaust system, if stopped, it overheats.

  6. 6
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    To sum up; they are all plonkers, doomed I tell ee’ we are all doomed!.

  7. 7

    What I want to know is this: Will Elton John sing in St Pаul’s again for Diane?

  8. 8
    Anonymous says:

    This is akin to complaining that the US is undemocratic because it has on 100 s3nators for 300 million people. Or even 1 president for 300 million.

  9. 9
    Dave is a traitor says:

    A bit rich of Dave Blaming Ed’s sign up to carbon taxes and carbon limits when Dave himself supported them.

  10. 10
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Candle in the Wind – does she light her own farts?

  11. 11
    AH! M says:

    Come on Cat. At least a one-handed clap for your dad being a Higgs bosun.

    No wonder I don’t bother with monikas any more.

  12. 12
    aardvark says:

    Outside smoking

  13. 13
    Yeh Bu says:

    Where were the other 703?

  14. 14
    College Green with envy says:

    Russian investigators claim to have found drugs aboard the Greenpeace ship seized during a protest against Arctic oil drilling and are now preparing “other serious charges” against the crew.

  15. 15
    Wrong says:

    The British Citizen does not have a president and the British citizen has never voted to have his laws made by a European Parliament. So not akin at all.

  16. 16

    It was pretty funny, but the socks win if I respond. You know me well enough to know that I do not like to be beaten. I wish I had never mentioned my dear Dad.

  17. 17
    Putin 4 PM says:


  18. 18

    Sorry, I meant Diana – you remember, the English version of Eva Peron.

  19. 19
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    Now that I’ve stopped doing the ‘flat-lining’ gestures during PMQ, do you think my double act ‘look of utter incredulity’ with Red Ed plays well with the Country ?

  20. 20
    A Very Maimed Badger says:

    Was Diane’s parting shot,… I will return…. to haunt you…. or something like that.. cos she will,…. or you ain’t getting near my Pussy with your Tandem..

  21. 21
    Ephios says:

    It is all getting out of hand and time a grown-up took over.

  22. 22
  23. 23
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

  24. 24

    Microsoft hands $100K to Brit who broke through Windows 8.1 defences


    Rather more sensible approach than that towards Gary McKinnon…

    Won’t mention the sub-head, UK security researcher penetrates new OS’s ring, as it may set some of the Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity, here, off in the wrong direction.

  25. 25
    Mitch says:

    Surely, it’s: “..why is it RIGHT to interfere in the mortgage market but not the energy market?” ?

  26. 26
    A Russian umbrella says:

    Polonium 210 or just the bog-standard Ricin?

  27. 27
    Penfold says:

    Bearing in mind that the EU Parliament was an afterthought, is it not right and proper that unelected and unaccountable apparatchiks make decisions on our behalf?

  28. 28
    Penfold says:

    The same 12-year-old making the same pantomime faces with the same fat dame beside him. She was pursing her lips and exercising her exopthalmia;

    Sorry to be a pedant, but do you mean protuberant eyeball?, which is exophthalmia.

  29. 29
    A donkey says:

    Some needs to have a serious look at Ed Miliband’s teeth

  30. 30
    Ed Moribund says:

    Nationalism and Socialism you say?
    It sounds like a winner. Appeals to liberal instincts and working class fears.

    I like it! So what shall we call this new philosophy?

  31. 31
    Fiona ( I act the news ) Bruce says:

    Just continue using plenty of html. sock-ps won’t bother you so much.

  32. 32
    Observant says:

    Smoking mental cigarettes

  33. 33
    Gideon says:

    Work this one out, fucked if I know – only went to Eton, Oxford doing PPE:

    we’re telling the common people – the ones paying taxes – night and day that the British economy is roaring along like a steam train in its breakneck recovery, with manufacturing industry being a particular highspot, yet electricity generation is down over 2% in the last 12 months and the supply of gas by a huge 7.4%. Maybe this new Bullshit economy doesn’t need energy or power for old hat stuff like factories to make it work, just lots of bloggers and govt advisers. am i right?

  34. 34
    Prince Rupert says:

    A polll from the Independent is funny, a paper not read or bought by anyone really, politically biased, pro Labour, anti Tory, so who really cares what this redundant rag thinks. The BBC ran a poll asking people if they felt public services had improved and much to the chagrin of the Marxist Humphreys, people feel austerity has improved services, what a laugh, the left has spun and spun and have been found wanting. The Independent cant last much longer, it only sells 40,000 copies a day, unlike the heroic Daily Mail, which sells 2.5 million copies, so why are Independent journos constantly giving opinion on the BBC

  35. 35
    Observant says:

    Gemeinsamen Zweck

  36. 36
    Anonymous says:

    I wonder why people call you a pseudo intellectual twat!

  37. 37
    Probably says:

    It’ll turn out to be a relative of the chap / ess who wrote that bit of code. Clever.

  38. 38
    Yeah, right.... says:

    Branding is key. Two ‘isms’ isn’t really catchy. How about National Socialist?

    Perhaps Brother Ed (Balls) could work on the uniforms?

  39. 39
    Kitten says:

    One question at a time please

  40. 40
    H.Hemmelig says:

    Cameron was not “there” when Blair regularly monstered Hague at PMQs….Cameron was not elected until 2001 when Hague had resigned the leadership.

  41. 41
    Plebmaster says:

    Met to reveal image of possible new suspect in hunt for MMC


  42. 42
    jmf says:

    Usually when Call Me Dave has a spat with anybody he nearly always tries to convince the public and the press that they are really the best of friends. So I was surprised that Larry the Cat was not sitting next to him on the Gov benches at PMQs.

  43. 43
    A nincumpoop says:

    Jeez Simon, get Guido to pay you more and up your game a bit. 3/10.

  44. 44
    PC Gatekeeper says:

    I used to read the Independent when it was.

  45. 45

    I would say that’s the mаrket.

    But I can’t here. :-)


  46. 46
    Vote UKIP - don't get owned says:

    The Liblabcons have far more in common with each other than UKIP have with any of them. So how can a vote for UKIP be a vote for any of the other three crap parties?

  47. 47
    Vote UKIP - don't get owned says:

    Claiming their expenses and travel allowances of course.

  48. 48
    Ed Moribund says:

    I think he meant Billy was there.
    And Blair rarely got the better of Hague. Even in Blair’s autobiography he says as much

  49. 49
    Vote UKIP - don't get owned says:

    No I think that may be too reminiscent of a party in another country in the past. Hey why not Social Nationalists?

  50. 50
    Marty Feldman says:

    Apt use of the word exopthalmia.

    These peoples’ thyroids are all fucked up.

  51. 51
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    Don’t forget that the US people get to vote for their Senators and their President. They also share a common constitution across the nation, which is after all a Federal Political Union.

    The EU President is not voted for, and neither are the members which make up the commission.

    Your equivocation is fundamentally false.

  52. 52
    Vote UKIP - don't get owned says:

    Sea weed? Geddit?

  53. 53
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    Did she go to the wall in that tunnel ?

  54. 54
    Vote UKIP - don't get owned says:

    The two Eds are becoming to look more and more like the Chuckle Brothers every day.

    To me. To you. To the left. More to the left.

  55. 55
    The British Public says:

    Loud snore, several times.

  56. 56
    D'iane F'atbot says:

    I keep telling you that it’s glandular !

  57. 57
    Vote UKIP - don't get owned says:

    Labour interfered in the energy market by imposing massive green energy taxes on every household and business in the country. The Tories failed to interfere when they came to power to get rid of the bloody things.

  58. 58

    It’s the successful Tory policy of getting more from less.

  59. 59

    My mother’s cummerbund?

    Most Mancunian criminals?

  60. 60

    It’s the only way the Beeb can keep the satellite socialist propaganda sheets going.

  61. 61

    I’ll provide the baseball bat.

  62. 62
    Reader says:

    It’s usually only the window lickers and practiced bloggers who can think very fast.

    MSM need sub editors and all sorts of other time-wasting strategies to get their pieces up to scratch. Still, a good first try by Mr Carr.

  63. 63
    If you want to smell foul, smoke says:

    Cigarette smokers just stink.

  64. 64
    Universal Hiss says:

    Will Self could not have done better.

    Goes to look up exopthalmia & waves to Simon.

    I see spell check doesn’t understand exopthalmia either.

  65. 65
    PC 56 says:

    Here endeth the lesson.

  66. 66
    Universal Hiss says:

    All parties interfered in the energy market. It’s a market that’s been highly political for at least three decades.

    It’s now just another commodity to trade & fuck up.

    Again,follow the money.

  67. 67
    PC 56 says:

    Probably that deadly paracetamol and sea sickness pills.

  68. 68
    PC 56 says:

    Make Mine Carlsberg.

  69. 69
    Anonymous says:

    Exactly, Blair never got the better of William Hague. Do you remember when Hague asked Tony if he had considered a job share for Mayor of London ? he said (i forget who) can be the day Mayor and Ken Livingstone can be your Night mayor ! even Tony laughed at that.

  70. 70
    Anonymous says:

    I think it frightening that that total moron could potentially be PM, can you see the Queens face if she has to put up with a visit from him every tuesday ? poor woman.

  71. 71

    No, Unlike you I consider my posts. I meant Diane which is why I wrote it. Not hard to understand.

  72. 72
    Referee says:


  73. 73
    Fact Hunt says:

    Today’s spot the difference competition.

    Michael Le Vell charged with crimes of a sexual nature and committed for trial. Granada remove him from our TV screens until his trial is over.

    Nigel Evans charged with crimes of a sexual nature and committed for trial. Carries on as though nothing has happened, standing up as bold as brass, asking a question at PMQs.

    And this is before the bastards get control of the press.

  74. 74
    Tony BENN'S will says:

    Laurel and hardy more like

  75. 75
    Tony BENN'S will says:

    The left have spun right up their own arseholes

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