October 9th, 2013

PMQs LIVE: Birthday Edition


  1. 1
    Labour are evil says:

    I hope Cameron mentions Burnham’s department buying 18 bottles of champagne on the same day the relatives of those who died at Mid Staffs launched their memorial campaign.

  2. 2
    Diane Abbott says:


  3. 3
    Conspiracy Watch says:

    Wasn’t the K’enya mall attack an inside job and nothing to do with terrorism ?

  4. 4
    Steve Miliband says:

    Is Hugh Grant asking a question today?

  5. 5
    Labour are evil says:

    I thought you decided to step down to spend more time with your takeaway?

  6. 6
    Creepy MP alert says:

    Mr Evans has a cheek

  7. 7
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Marriage tax allowance is like a return to the 1950s. Cam : “Marriage great institution”- even for men who stick their penis up another man’s anus?

  8. 8
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Morning peepses…

  9. 9
    Steve Miliband says:

    Anything on the economy Ed?

  10. 10
    Ed's dad's younger Son says:

    There’s Loads of room on this bench today

  11. 11
    Dick Scratcha says:

    Official: It’s a love in!

  12. 12
    Poor as feck says:

    ED looks whiter than white

  13. 13
    Tie Watch says:

    Balls and Clegg: Red
    Miliband and Cameron: Blue.

  14. 14
    Dick Scratcha says:

    Red Ed is right – free markets are not the same as cartels. Cam should learn.

  15. 15
    bankers' puppet Dave says:

    I told you the British economy was now recovering faster and faster, and the Eurozone, particularly the evil Nazis, were completely fucked:

    UK manufacturing sector output change Jul-Aug 2013: -1.2%

    Germany manufacturing sector output change Jul-Aug 2013: +2.1%


  16. 16
    The Labour Back Bench says:

    Why is there no room to sit down today?

  17. 17
    Red Watch says:

    Everything Ed Miliband says is communist plot. Better dead than red.

  18. 18
    Second row Labour MP says:

    I will miss the faint aroma of coconut oil and BO wafting up from the front bench.

  19. 19
    Steve Miliband says:


  20. 20
    Dick Scratcha says:

    The water companies are the utilities that are massively (and literally) taking the piss. What is wet Cam going to do about that? Fuck all.

  21. 21
    dai manufacturing says:

    we’re giving them a start!

  22. 22
    Dick Scratcha says:

    Ed excited about something….?

  23. 23
    Red Watch says:

    They are avoiding the point that the coalition could have undone Miliband’s energy policy.

    Cameron is going to be undone by blaming increasing prices on Labour hoping that people do not notice that he has done nothing to correct this.

    Killing the carbon tax b/s would help preserve profits for energy producers and cut costs for the consumer.

  24. 24
    The Labour Back Bench says:

    Oh Dear. Ed’s voice is breaking.He’s lost it.

    Interesting that Dave has dumped the Carbon targets though. More than interesting it is EXPLOSIVE!!

  25. 25
    Tata says:

    …but, but, we keep telling the thick English people we are producing more and more of our outdated, totally reliant on Ford’s six year old product and investment legacy, unreliable vehicles that people are falling over themselves to buy at our hugely usurious prices. We wouldn’t lie would we?

  26. 26
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Every additional layer of regulation and every new rule serves to restrict the ability of small players to enter a market and thus concentrate it in the hands of the big players.

  27. 27
    Dick Scratcha says:

    Celt count = 2

  28. 28
    EU Funded Pro-EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP

  29. 29
    Dick Scratcha says:

    I’ll give that one to Ed. The consumer is king.

  30. 30
  31. 31
    Lie Down says:

    Shagger Nokes

  32. 32
    Dick Scratcha says:

    Do you think Caroline Nokes knows how to fix a Mondeo?

  33. 33
    Polly Toynbee says:

    Did you just call me ugly?

  34. 34
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Dave: embarrassingly clueless on why lenders don’t lend/

  35. 35
    Simon - Chatty Man - Carr says:

    Dave’s a do-nothing kind of guy.

  36. 36
    Michael Heseltine says:

    don’t worry Mr Tata, throw me a few rupees, say £10m/yr, and I’ll get my hacks to print some shit in Haymarket’s Autocar magazine about your crap overpriced going up in flames products being world leading, okay?

  37. 37

    Except when it comes to choice. He didn’t mention that , I take it?

  38. 38
    Simon - Chatty Man - Carr says:

    Dave: embarrassingly clueless.

  39. 39
    Simon - Chatty Man - Carr says:

    I think that my big end’s gone.

  40. 40
    Insight says:

    Dave: Mong

  41. 41
  42. 42
    Steve Miliband says:

    Good dig at the BBC

  43. 43
    Dave is Right says:

    Dave does have a point. Labour are Always talking down their own constituencies.

  44. 44
    Dick Scratcha says:

    Skidmore – unfortunate name for that question.

  45. 45
    Diane Abbott says:

    Where’s Gordon?

  46. 46
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    Two Ed’s look like total idiots in response to the BBC report news.

    BBC have gone off message ?

  47. 47
    Dick Scratcha says:

    I though you couldn’t be a Labour MP with a double barrelled name?

    Surely a mistake?

  48. 48
    Tuscan Tony says:

    He’s a very polished mong-wrangler.

  49. 49
    Dick Scratcha says:

    So Cam, why have all the corporation tax cuts been for those co.s making more that £300k profit.

    Most growth in employment is due to micro businesses & you’ve done fuck all for them, you wet fart.

  50. 50

    What are these great, supine, protoplasmic, invertebrate jellies doing now?

    I am not going to set up my proxy, having got back late (points failure at Rijeka Junction) as the best/worst must be over by now.

  51. 51
    Anonymous says:

    Unfortunately, David Cameron is too nice to stoop to the level of the Labour party where apparently having a breadmaker (cost from about £39.99, or 2 bottles of Andy`s Champagne) is considered to be the hight of decadence !

  52. 52
    Dick Scratcha says:

    VAT legislation is a complete mess. Gideon should sort it. He could bring in billions in revenue from this.

    Why no VAT on newspapers??? and post?

  53. 53
    Insight says:

    ‘Brokeback Mong’

  54. 54
    Dick Scratcha says:

    Is Chuka still piping Luciana?

  55. 55
    Steve Miliband says:

    Scouser Luciana

  56. 56
    Phwoooooar! says:

    Caroline Noakes – yes please!

  57. 57
    yummy says:

    Caroline Noakes – yes please!

  58. 58
    Thyme says:

    VAT is a tax introduced by the Common market, EEC, EU. There should be no surprise that it is a complete mess.

  59. 59
    Dick Scratcha says:

    Celt & beard count = 3

  60. 60
    Richard Pluke says:

    Only if you want a spotted Dick

  61. 61
    Dick Scratcha says:

    How much does the bleeding commonwealth cost us?

  62. 62

    The boiler is making a loud banging noise.

  63. 63
    Richard Pluke says:

    Ed entered the ring as favourite only to be carried out knocked out cold.

  64. 64
    Dick Scratcha says:

    Marriage tax allowance is like a return to the 50s. Pathetic.

  65. 65
    Poor as feck says:

    give me 10 fags,not 20

  66. 66
    Rotten says:

    Woeful PMQs

  67. 67
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    Dave admitting he is not aware of the content of EU directives and proposals ?

  68. 68
    Anonymous says:

    Do grow up, he has a double first from Oxford.What did you get SIMON.

  69. 69
    Dick Scratcha says:

    Homo marriage ffs. Thus country & Cam are fucked.

  70. 70
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    Dave probably got confused thinking it was about gay marriage… better out than in ?

  71. 71

    That was enjoyable not listening to that. I’ll have some lunch and a beer and come back for Simon’s piece.


  72. 72
    Len. McCluskey says:

    But I’m the emperor

  73. 73
    How Sick says:

    Dave. A man and a man can not create babies by putting their willies up each other’s bottoms. And why are you giving them tax breaks for Brown smelly sexual habits?

  74. 74
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    Looked like Dave was going to do a lap of honor after that knock out blow delivered to Ed Ba!!s.

  75. 75
    Dick Scratcha says:

    You ‘ll be interested in Lancome’s new Christmas perfume ‘Diane’.

    £49.95 for 500ml of the essence of stale shit.

  76. 76
    Krautland ist Kaput says:

    Deutsche Bank debt liabilites: 72.8 TRILLION Euros.

    Entire German annual GDP: 2.5 Trillion Euros.

  77. 77
    if you don't like it says:

    Population growth is out of control so we should reward those who do not contribute to the problem.

  78. 78
    Van Rumpy's Bent Accounts says:

    He thinks there are votes in obeying the EU

  79. 79
    Dick Scratcha says:

    6 speed box.

  80. 80
    Simon - Chatty Man - Carr says:

    Double first? You might like to check that.

  81. 81
    Rip Van Winkle says:


  82. 82
    Simon - Chatty Man - Carr says:

    Taxes are for the little people.

  83. 83
    Gordon Brown says:

    You are sat on me you fat bitch.

  84. 84
    Alex Salmond, formerly the cleverest man in politics says:

    I will lead Scotland into a republican socialist utopia on 19th Sep 2014. Ya ken.

  85. 85
    in the real world says:

    Mid Staffs NHS Trust has pleaded guilty to safety breaches in 2007.

  86. 86
    Eton Customs says:

    He gets his fags shipped in by the carton

  87. 87
    Dick Scratcha says:

    Since when did academics know anything about the real world? How many academics are entrepreneurs?

  88. 88
    Simon - Chatty Man - Carr says:

    Dave’s too fat for a lap of honour – he’ll just wobble his bellies to celebrate.

  89. 89
    News Flash says:

    It’s not what you know…

  90. 90
    The state-gagged Press says:

    He may be but we are not going to be allowed to report it.

  91. 91
    Cornish pasty says:

    Can’t wait.
    Start sorting out your own currency and
    membership of international bodies.

  92. 92
    Happily Married to a Woman and Proud of It says:

    I am overtaxed. Anything reducing my family’s tax bill is welcome. Get over it.

  93. 93
    more importantly says:

    How many academics are academic?

  94. 94

    It is pure entertainment.

  95. 95
    Toby Belching-Felcher says:

    Two hats, some beads & a coconut.

  96. 96

    Actually, I changed my mind. I cannot resist it.

    Ho hum!

  97. 97
    Debrett says:

    It used to be because you were particularly proud of both your mother and father’s bloodline.
    Now it just says you were illegitimate.

  98. 98
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    It’ll be more than wiped out by the next leccy/gas price hike by the greedy fat-cat energy cartel.

  99. 99
    C.O.Jones says:

    Why bdo we always hear about Labours sh1t after they have left office?

  100. 100
    Slaughter says:

    Sadiq Kahn being Keel Hauled by Brillo on green taxes. Kahn is simply out of is depth and is taking complete Burble

  101. 101

    The tax code was written by gordon. it is no surprise it’s a complete mess.

  102. 102
    Toby Belching-Felcher says:

    I’ve got an arboretum too.

  103. 103
    chris says:

    Best bit was sadiq khan telling the presenter that it was as if he had read from the same script as him. Only for the conservative to interject with “I can say aloud that we all believe that”

  104. 104

    Yes, maybe 40 winks but we will have to see.

    Life is good if you worked hard, and I am not guilty about my modest wealth or lifestyle.

  105. 105

    I am still chuckling to myself at that one.

  106. 106
    chris says:

    Gordon “flat rate VAT” Brown

  107. 107
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    It takes longer to read than War and Peace :-)

  108. 108
    It's not Kraut v Brit, it's humanity v the Psychos says:

    ‘Deutsche’ Bank is about as German and relevant to the real Germany as the Bank of ‘England’ is to England and the English people – zip.

    Whether Deutsche has xty trillion derivatives debts or JP Morgan half a quadrillion doesn’t matter – it’s all fake. Just drop the Ponzi economy – stop the printing – and make the bankers, whether Frankfurt, London or NYC based, go whistle for their phony derivatives ‘assets’.

    Better still jail the fuckers for perpetrating fraud with their fraudulent mortgage based securities, or whatever. The real economy will recover, as it should have done in 2008/9, once the bankers were left go hang, metaphorically and literally.

  109. 109
    Anonymous says:

    PMQs what a shocking waste of time and money.

    Same tired old cliches accompanied by moronic jeering from overpaid idiots.

    All parties terrified of raising anything of any real substance for fear of upsetting the gravy train.

  110. 110
    Labour...mendacious expedient sociopaths says:

    khan is a lightweight player no-one takes seriously

  111. 111
    Man from the street says:

    My dad has a helicopter what does your dad have Blue Anonymous?

  112. 112
    Lord Palfery says:

    ‘Police have new Maddie suspect efit’

    will this efit be of the suspect then or one based on how suspect looks now?????

  113. 113
    Observant says:

    Dave is a ‘big wind’ shill & close family benefit greatly from the bastardized energy market. Hardly surprising he does feck all about it.

  114. 114
    how about says:

    Could the press also please stop publicising any of
    his boring bloody films?

  115. 115
    ukipping or what ? says:

    would it be improved by your favorites being there ? (don’t laugh)

  116. 116
    Medical Man says:

    More than 60% of active homosexuals do not engage in the particular practice to which you refer. Most in fact are rather fastidious in their personal habits.

  117. 117
    Anonymous says:

    It’s all just torque

  118. 118
    just asking says:

    How much is it costing to have all these
    coppers living in Portugal?

  119. 119
    Observant says:

    Tax is theft.

  120. 120
    Steve Miliband says:

    Does Mr Carr still facilitate an offshore Tax arrangement?

  121. 121
  122. 122
    Oliver says:

    Either way another win for EM.
    Cameron may get red in the face at the thought but his poor handling of everything he touches will hand the UK to Milliband and Balls.
    Get ready for it. And don’t forget we’ll have Cameron to thank for it.

  123. 123
    Vote UKIP - don't get owned says:

    Ed Miliband should be frozen and placed in suspended animation for 200 years because people then will never believe such an idiot could have risen to be head of a major British political party.

  124. 124
    average joanna says:

    The two Eds-
    Dumb and Dumber.

  125. 125
    just asking says:

    Do terrorists worldwide have a subscription to The Guardian?

  126. 126
    Economist says:

    There is more truth printed in the Sunday S’port than there is on the paper in your wallet.

  127. 127
    Observant says:

    Does that mean that 40% couldn’t catch a pig in an alley?

  128. 128
    Lenin McCluskey says:

    I run the party.
    He’s just the puppet.

  129. 129
    Can the Scots save England from Labour ?? says:

    Regrettably it’s becoming increasingly unlikely that the Scots, as they realise that it will cost them money in increased taxes and lost benefits as the english turn off the cash tap, will vote for independence

  130. 130
    HM Treasury says:

    Yes. In these days of austerity, a reasonably priced Saumur would have been much more appropriate for staff at that pay grade.

  131. 131
    Mong Watch says:

    Well, Ed M’s Dad was a Professor of Communism at the LSE.

    By your logic, Ed should be running the country, right ?

  132. 132
    Anonymous says:

    I doubt it, but my favourites don’t want to be there.

    The system is broken and the people paid to fix it are more worried about second homes and expenses than any real solutions.

    “Keep the gravy train running at all costs” should be the Westminster motto.

  133. 133
    Vote UKIP; Get Red Ed and Marxist Labour says:

    BUT thanks to UKIP he’ll be Prime Minister though won’t he so kiss goodbye to THAT referendum and get ready for a more federalist europe

  134. 134
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    Another shout-fest from the LibLabCon traitors.

    Whichever you vote for you will get more of the same:

    More EU.
    More Mass Immigration.
    More Expensive Green Energy.
    More Mass Unemployment.

    Remember vote early,vote often,vote UKIP :-)

  135. 135
    Sock Puppet Watch says:

    I think he’s ignoring you.

  136. 136
    Vote UKIP; Get Red Ed and Marxist Labour says:

    AND get Labour

  137. 137
    Ed Millitwit says:

    Gottle o gear!

  138. 138
    A Doctor says:

    But you are suffering from acute monomania. Maybe a lie-down will help.

  139. 139
    Dave should really resign now says:

    No, he is explaining why Dave has gone long on rubber tubing and hot water bottle manufacturers.

  140. 140
    Eastbourne Puppet Museum says:

    Can we have our Ed back please?

  141. 141
    Sir William Waid says:

    The LSE is a clever trick for getting rich foreigners to pay for their children to stay in the UK for a few years before being awarded cushy jobs in their local secretariats.

  142. 142
    C.O.Jones says:

    His dad has a chopper. Pity he used it.

  143. 143
    Sir William Waid says:

    VAT is a much clearer and more efficient tax than most. VAT law even contains a concise statement of what it is supposed to do, and adheres to that. VAT is hard to avoid by legal means, but does not sprawl out into areas it wasn’t intended to cover.

    Best of all, Chancellors of the Exchequer have no power to keep fannying about with VAT and making a cat’s-cradle out of it, as they do with other taxes.

  144. 144
    Chuckie says:

    One berger with everything please, and a fruit shoot.

  145. 145

    It is my belief that Maria Miller has a hairy chest, back and shoulders. Probably areolae as well.

    Please note, I am not suggesting that she possesses equipment in the trouser department, just that she is rather prone to hyperandrogenism.

  146. 146
    just an idea says:

    Give the English the vote.
    That’ll ensure we get independence from the Scots.

  147. 147
    Maddie says:

    Look, I just got bored waiting, OK?

  148. 148
    Adolphe Miliband says:

    Bulls Blood would be more appropriate comrade

  149. 149
    Dave is useless at this says:

    They’re all useless. A change of system not just a change of govt. Vote UKIP

  150. 150
    Referee says:


    You just can’t resist it can you?

  151. 151
    Referee says:


  152. 152
    Referee says:


  153. 153
    Tony Benn says:

    Quite right, comrade.

  154. 154
    ukipping or what ? says:

    neither will be achieved by voting ukip but least of all a change of system

  155. 155
    Anonymous says:

    If the Conservatives weren’t traitors, we woukdnt need UKIP…

  156. 156
    Anonymous says:

    Vote LibLabCon and get more European Union and lose the last scraps of UK sovereignty.

  157. 157
    Anonymous says:

    If I give you a pound, your still a sad loser traitor, if 1 million people give you a pound, you’re a millionaire traitor.

  158. 158
    ukipping or what ? says:

    pathetic and sure indication you know you’re peeing in the wind voting ukip

  159. 159
    Jack Ketch says:

    How do you know? Did you test them all?

  160. 160
    Jack Ketch says:

    Sadiq Khan makes a refreshing change from the Labour spokesmen who cannot answer a question–he answers but talks utter piffle, ties himself in knots, contradicts his first statement and makes a complete pratt of himself. He was a lawyer

  161. 161
    Anonymous says:

    If 1 person pisses the fire still burns amid a dribble of wee, if 1 million people all piss on the LibLabCon there is a biblical deluge of piss that will put out any fire, whichever traitor started it.

    When the little people rise up the powers that be don’t like it one little bit.

Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,717 other followers