October 7th, 2013

Reshuffle Rolling Live Blog

  • Kris Hopkins appointed Parliamentary Under Secretary at DCLG. Amber Rudd, Claire Perry, Gavin Barwell and John Penrose made assistant whips. Desmond Swayne has been appointed as Vice Chamberlain of HM Household (Senior Whip).
  • Baroness Jolly has been appointed as a Whip in the Lords.
  • Liam Byrne demoted to Shadow Higher Education Minister, replaced by Rachel Reeves. She is replaced as Shadow Chief Secretary to the Treasury by Chris Leslie.
  • Vernon Coaker replaces Jim Murphy as Shadow Defence Secretary.
  • Tristram Hunt new Shadow Education Secretary, replacing Stephen Twigg, who is demoted to Shadow Minister of State at Justice.
  • Douglas Alexander chair of election strategy, stays at shadow FCO.
  • Former Gordon aide Spencer Livermore returns as campaign director.
  • Maria Eagle to DEFRA, Mary Creagh to Transport, Ivan Lewis to Northern Ireland. Gloria de Piero promoted to Shadow Minister for Women and Equalities. Liz Kendall attending Shadow Cabinet as Shadow Minister for Care and Older People. Jack Dromey is sacked, Emma Reynolds attends Cabinet as Shadow Housing Minister.
  • Wayne David PPS to Miliband.
  • Nothing for Stella Creasy.
  • Anna Soubry appointed as Parliamentary Under Secretary at MOD, Jane Ellison appointed as Parliamentary Under Secretary at Department of Health.
  • Dan Rogerson appointed as Parliamentary Under Secretary at Defra, Stephen Williams Parliamentary Under Secretary at DCLG.
  • Champers all round: Andy Burnham stays at Shadow Health.
  • Baroness Stowell appointed as Parliamentary Under Secretary at DCLG.
  • Michael Dugher promoted to shadow Cabinet Office minister, replacing Jon Trickett.
  • Robert Goodwill has been appointed as Parliamentary Under Secretary at Transport.
  • George Eustice to DEFRA.
  • Alistair Burt out at FCO.
  • Shailesh Vara appointed as Parliamentary Under Secretary at MoJ.
  • Karren Bradley and Sam Gyimah to the Whips’ Office.
  • Rumours: Liam Byrne fired from Shadow Work and Pensions, Stephen Twigg sacked from Shadow Education, Jim Murphy to International Development.
  • Hugh Robertson moves from DCMS to FCO as  Minister of State.
  • Helen Grant is Parliamentary Under Secretary of State (Sport and Equalities) at DCMS.
  • Matt Hancock appointed Minister of State for Skills & Enterprise, shared by BIS and DfE.
  • Jeremy Browne has been sacked by Clegg as a Home Office minister for being “too right wing”, reports Christopher Hope. It was the Google street view that lost it. Replaced by Norman Baker, in turn replaced at Transport by Susan Kramer.
  • Andrew Robathan appointed as Minister of State at the Northern Ireland Office.
  • Mark Prisk fired as Housing minister.
  • Nicky Morgan appointed Economic Secretary to the Treasury.
  • Sajid Javid appointed Financial Secretary to the Treasury.
  • Mike Penning made Minister of State at DWP. Guido hears he left the Northern Ireland Office for DWP with a box of Christmas decorations.
  • Greg Clark leaves the Treasury for the Cabinet Office, becomes Minister of State for Cities and constitution.
  • Esther McVey promoted at DWP, replacing comprehensive educated northerner Mark Hoban as Minister of State for Employment.
  • Greg Hands promoted to deputy chief whip.
  • Richard Benyon out – DEFRA, Chloe Smith out – Cabinet Office, John Randall out – whips
  • The new LibDem chief whip is DCLG under-secretary of state Don Foster, who once sulked in his office for a week when passed over for promotion.
  • Michael Moore has been sacked as Scottish Secretary, replaced by LibDem chief whip Alistair Carmichael. Presumably for services to that wonderful job he did ignoring allegations about David Ward.

Rolling…


369 Comments

  1. 1
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Who cares? Hopefully that post will soon we defunct anyway, to be replaced by Ambassador to Scotland.

  2. 2
    Exiting says:

    Is that woeful Villiers woman going to be ditched too?

  3. 3
    Steve Miliband says:

    Len McLuskey is to be declared Leader of the Labour Party

  4. 4
    Obi Wan Kenobi Nil says:

    sadly you are going to be stuck with us – now if only the UK could ditch the South East of England which spends far more per head than it takes in in tax (unlike Scotland).

    Moore removed because he’s duller than watching an entire Dulux factory dry?

  5. 5
    Nonny Mouse says:

    *be

  6. 6
    Living in 98.221% white Merseyside says:

    Are they going to re-instate that nice Mr Laws? He was quite impressive during his 100 hours in the cabinet.

  7. 7
    Steve Miliband says:

    UKIP to replace none of their Shadow Ministers with Ed Miliband

  8. 8
    Shock Horror!! says:

    Ed Miliband interview: ‘I hated telling my mother about Daily Mail piece on my father. It was out of line’

  9. 9
    The British media are cunts says:

    I know it’s an old cliché but it’s still appropriate.

    You can shuffle the deck chairs on the Titanic all you like, but the fucker is still going down.

  10. 10
    Seriously? says:

    Did he really want the UK to lose the Falklands war?

  11. 11
    Huge Grant says:

    Sounds good

  12. 12
    The British media are cunts says:

    Sure Scotland is such a wealth creator.

  13. 13
    Ed says:

    But correct. And she knew it all first hand.

  14. 14
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Yes, if Ed Mili wants to go down in the annals of history he could do it by reshuffling himself out of his own Shadow Cabinet! That would be unique and memorable and by doing so he would finally have exhibited some sound judgement. Personally I’d give it to that Yvette Cooper.

  15. 15
    Google says:

    Try me!

  16. 16
    Hmm says:

    I would like to take a long hard look at the culture and practices of Sharon Stone.

  17. 17
    Dave, Nick and Ed says:

    Back to work after our excellent conferences.

    Nick (or was it Ed?) had the great idea of making mortgages easier for people who couldn’t afford them. We got the idea off American pas (have you seen “the Wire”? It’s great!
    This means that those of us who own additional properties paid for by the taxpayer will see the value of our house-stocks rise, then we can sell them to Wayne and Sharon, and buy them back at a discount when their mortgage collapses!

    Meanwhile Dave (or was it Nick?) has the fab idea of freezing the Price of electricity. Now when the energy companies double their Prices before the next election to give them a reserve, our share Portfolios will rocket!

    Ed, meanwhile, (or was it Dave?) was busy all summer burning the documents about what the sex pests have been up to. This means *all* of us can sleep easier in our beds (or in our neighbour’s bed, or his son, or of his ox).

    But there’s no Holidays without work to do on our return. Where are those expenses forms?

  18. 18
    Rhetorical Question says:

    Is Adam Afriye getting a plum job?

  19. 19
    Seriously? says:

    So, have the eighteen mosques which marry children to hairy old men been closed down this morning yet, or are the police out tracking down Spurs fans instead?

  20. 20
    Dave"The One Term Prime Minister" Cameron says:

    Right then,2018 it is folks !!!

    Ladbrokes: Year of Euro In/Out Referendum:
    100/1 2013
    16/1 2014
    20/1 2015
    16/1 2016
    7/4 2017
    4/7 No Referendum before 2018

  21. 21
    Gidders says:

    Well it was a Jock called Smith who wrote the Wealth of Nations

  22. 22

    Will David Davies be a wild card?

  23. 23
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    When are we getting the only reshuffle that matters, traitor Dave the Islam loving ecoloon relplaced with a proper Tory.

    In the meantime, vote early, vote often, vote UKIP :-)

  24. 24
    Gidders says:

    Is he a mate of Dave’s? in that case, Yes

  25. 25
    Dave"The One Term Prime Minister" Cameron says:

    Your idiotic comment is awaiting moderation,Prime Minister.

  26. 26
    Keep Calm, Vote UKIP says:

    Could be Dave’s last parliamentary five knuckle shuffle.

    Vote UKIP.

  27. 27
    PC "Fat Useless Twat" says:

    Just let me finish off this huge plate of donuts and finish ticking all these boxes, then i’ll get around to it.

  28. 28
    Gidders says:

    Well, when you have a limited pool of talent AND jolly good chaps (been to top public schools and Oxbridge) that is all you can really do.

  29. 29
    Y Y O Y says:

    Are you wasting your time on here?

    The end of the world is nigh, says Bob Geldof as he predicts climate change could wipe out humans in the next two decades

  30. 30
    Dave"The One Term Prime Minister" Cameron says:

    Ken Clarke could be on his way out!

  31. 31
    Gidders says:

    He is a wild card, a bit of a thorn in Dave’s side

  32. 32
    Gordon Brown says:

    Ed can go down on *my* annals anytime!
    And I’d give it to that nice little boy Yvette too

  33. 33
    M Hasan says:

    I would like to apply for a job. Whilst I have at times been a critic of the coalition, I remain deeply impressed by the values of David Cameron and feel I could be a useful voice.

    Sir, I salute your courage, your strength, your indefatigability. Gis a job.

  34. 34
    Scotch Broth says:

    Do we need to have relations?

    Just rebuilt the wall, this time without gates.

  35. 35
    MMC searcers says:

    Most of us are in Portugal

  36. 36
    Yvette Balls says:

    Get lost, Gordon. At least my Ed only has shit on his knob *after* sex.

  37. 37
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    Didn’t they say the same thing two decades ago and yet the world’s population keeps on rising thanks to free market capitalism.

  38. 38
    Gidders says:

    I don’t know about a plum job but maybe a bum job, not the most popular chappie in Dave’s view

  39. 39
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    What, pray, will change?

  40. 40
    SELL OFF BRITAIN says:

    Royal Mail anyone?

  41. 41
    Gidders says:

    Two decades you say, I doubt I will be alive in twenty years time

  42. 42
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    The only people who wasted their time are the idiots sat and listened to that fraud tell them they were going to die.

    Geldof is a very accomplished scam artist.

  43. 43
    Number one says:

    Maybe he could give me some of his fawkkkin money seeing he won’t be able to spend it all before we are all doomed

  44. 44
    Anonymous says:

    Or Spain for the very realistic “reconstruction”
    Well done Redwood, nearly right.

  45. 45
  46. 46
    Yvette Balls says:

    “Hated” is a disgusting and emotive word, Ed.
    Besides she must be used to youir lies by now.

    BTW, did you hate telling her you had knifed David in the back too?

  47. 47
    Fishy says:

    Is the wanker still milking the DM story?

  48. 48
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Take your profits quick.

    I’m going to re-nationalise it, like we did with Royal Bucket of Scotland. :)

  49. 49
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    Royal Fail more like.

    At least when the Krauts are running it, in a few years time, the letters will arrive on time and to the right address and the posties will be smartly dressed and polite.

  50. 50
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    YouGov/Sun:
    Con 33
    Lab 38
    LD 11
    UKIP 13
    Green 2
    SNP/PC 2
    Other 1
    Government approval rating: -22

    h/t Politico Daily

  51. 51
    Anonymous says:

    Working title: The wealth of other nations

  52. 52
    Your profits = Tax payer cash theft says:

    There is a vast difference between pricing Royal Mail shares conservatively and undervaluing them by £1 billion. This is ripping off the taxpayer on an epic scale.

  53. 53
    Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin ( Member in absentia ) says:

    Something I would never be party to.

  54. 54
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

    HEEEELLLLLLLPPP !!!

  55. 55
    ExPat says:

    German post has been very expensive and complicated with one afternoon delivery per day (not Sunday) as Long as I’ve lived here.

  56. 56
    #a week is a long time in politics says:

    I think you’re a bit premature there CO3, come back in the first quarter of 2015 when we’ll give a shit.

  57. 57
    Your profits = Tax payer cash theft says:

    The gold sell-off was £1 billion. This sell off of Royal Mail results in a loss of £1.2 billion.

  58. 58
    Englishman says:

    I don’t think we need a full Ambassador, their country isn’t important enough to justify one. All we need is some consular representation via, say North Korea’s.

  59. 59
    Popeye says:

    Is this the wonderful, equality for women the clowns are yammering about?

  60. 60
    David Cameron says:

    Certainly. You’re just the sort of chap we’re looking for to give our new vibrant, left-leaning multicultural cabinet some polish. What post would you like?

  61. 61
    Watcher says:

    I have a Christmas card sent by my Greatgrandmother to her then betrothed. Posted at 4.30pm, Dec 24th 1904, arrived Christmas Day 1904.

  62. 62
    So fucking what says:

    Who’s Dave going to replace Dave with?

  63. 63
    A bogtrotting cunt (one of many) says:

    Give us yer focking money and do it now!

  64. 64
    Weight on my elbows says:

    Dave’s never been one to come too soon.

  65. 65
    Anne says:

    Can anyone explain to me PLEASE why we are still voting for and paying towards the wages of all those in the House of Commons that no longer want to Govern this Country according to its very own Constitution so many gave THEIR lives for in 1939-45. Our own Constitution FORBIDS SUCH AN ACTION, and that is why we went to war twice to prevent. Yes. I want answers for I cannot understand any of it and I do not like being taken for a fool!

  66. 66
    Village Idiot says:

    …..”Miliband the milkman”,………”Milkman milly”……”Fully skimmed Milly”
    …”Red top Ed”……..

  67. 67
  68. 68
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    What, pray, will change?

    Mark II (no, that is not a New Testament reference.)

  69. 69
    Drake's Drum says:

    Not so much a reshuffle of the deckchairs as a re-arranging of the footstools.

  70. 70
    Aechmophorus says:

    It was quite usual at this time for men in offices who knew they were going to be home late to send postcards to their wives telling them so. Sent early afternoon, arrived by teatime.

  71. 71
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    It’s more odd that the bubbling values of the YouGov Sun Poll appear to be so constant.

    Are they asking the same people each time in their survey ?

    That is more the point for the post.

    After Euro elections is when these figures will be of more interest, unless of course an early GE is somehow called.

  72. 72
    Anjem and Madonna? says:

  73. 73
    any old crap says:

    Seems the Liebour Titanic mk1 and Camorons Conservative Titanic mk2 have both hit the public iceberg and are slowly sinking hopefully into oblivion, deckchairs were rearranged just before hitting the iceberg.

  74. 74
    Chuka Top Broka says:

    Thanks to Chuka. There is now a last minute rush to buy shares.

    Promises not to re-nationalise. Says strike action is wrong. Claims shares 30% or more undervalued.

    The government could not have wished for a better salesman.

  75. 75
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    Some results from another poll on the TV debtate:

    http://yougov.co.uk/news/2013/10/07/who-should-take-part-tv-election-debates/

    Preference for 4 way debate:

    UKIP:  93%
    CON :  52%
    LD  :  43%
    LAB :  37%
    

    So it would seem that Labour are least in favor of pluracy in the debate.

    Perhaps because they are worried they are losing a lot of votes to UKIP, and their focus groups have confirmed this.

  76. 76
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    They do get some things right then… :-)

  77. 77
    Anonymous says:

    Richard Benyon OUT

    One token of justice, after destroying our heritage by knowingly giving it away to a group of incompetent and dangerous idiots. He had the proof and ignored it. Nothing was to get in the way of the plan.

  78. 78
    Teflon CMD says:

    I give you my cast iron guarantee there will not be an early G*E………

    and you can trust my word, my track record is there to prove it !!!!

    errrrrrrr !!!!!!! Quick phone The Master as I may have shot myself

    in the foot again….

  79. 79
    Madonna says:

    On second thoughts. Thanks but no thanks.

  80. 80
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    Labour are favour of pleurisy in the NHS.

    Fixed it for you. ;-)

  81. 81
    poor as feck says:

    @least William Wallace was hung,drawn,quartered , not twittered

  82. 82
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    Damned auto-word-guessing-mong-apple-crap. Scratch pluracy should be plurality / inclusive.

  83. 83
    Bloody Norah. Quick legislation required here. says:

    Law ‘does not prohibit’ sex-selection abortions, DPP warns

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/10360386/Law-does-not-prohibit-sex-selection-abortions-DPP-warns.html

  84. 84
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    Apple? I would have thought you would have resisted that oldest fall from grace! :-D

  85. 85
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    See below. Whatever idiot came up with ‘auto word complete with no easy way to turn it off’ should be dressed in a badger suit and thrown at Dave.

  86. 86
    Enquirer says:

    The Times has it that he has gone because of his leaky tap issue. To which particular aspect of his past do you refer?

  87. 87
    Anonymous says:

    The European Union..

  88. 88
    Where are Tony Blair's Expenses says:

    46% Right of Centre vote, more than enough to win an over all majority for the Tories all they have to do is get rid of Cameron and bring in a real leader.

    This is a job for the 1922 Committee

  89. 89
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    But what, pray, will change?

    Mark III (no, still not a New Testament reference.)

  90. 90
    The Public says:

    We disagree.

  91. 91
    The Left ♥ Murder says:

    If they tried to change the legislation, the left would be up in arms as this would be affecting a woman’s right to arbitrarily kill her unborn child.

  92. 92
    The BBC says:

    Oh look over there, a cat stuck up a tree due to global warming.

    In other news Ed Milliband is amazing and the DM is sh1t.

  93. 93
    BREAKING NEWS 2015 says:

    DAVE OUT

  94. 94
    Anonymous says:

    Burst pipes are not a problem. Turning a blind eye however is, especially with regard to the consequences.

  95. 95
    Lord Stansted says:

    During Smith’s time, Scotland was indeed wealthy. Sadly, the subsequent years of Labour and the Nats have put paid to that.

  96. 96
    so there says:

    Those who shout loudest about climate change
    spend their lives flying around the world in planes.

  97. 97
    Fist of Fury says:

    He spent longer than that in my chamber.

  98. 98
    And half digested sweetcorn says:

  99. 99
    Owen Jones says:

    Marijuana is illegal but has never caused any deaths from usage. Cigarettes kill millions and they are legal and can be purchased anywhere.

  100. 100
    The voting public says:

    Who?

  101. 101
    Contradiction says:

    ‘Muslim Madonna’ ? (And that is knowing of the young lady he refers to.)

  102. 102
    Dave says:

    I will have to consult with the BBC and Sam first.

  103. 103
    Ma­qb­oul says:

    All the brllliant, inventive and industrious Jockoes are long since dead.

  104. 104
    Vote UKIP - don't get owned says:

    Labour are far more frightened of UKIP than the Tories because, apart from that small part of Britain that is the south-east, far more people are deserting Labour than the Tories for UKIP.

  105. 105
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Rearranging the deck chairs.

  106. 106
    Vote UKIP - don't get owned says:

    It is absolute tosh that marijuana has never killed anyone.

  107. 107
    The late George Harrison says:

    Are you sure?

  108. 108
    Anonymous says:

    Theft is illegal and rarely causes deaths. Yet the suffering and destabilisation of our society would be radical if legalised.

  109. 109
    Enquirer says:

    You have not answered my question.

  110. 110
    Ed Miliband says:

    No, she hated reading about it in the Mail before I got round to telling her.

  111. 111
    Bob Crow says:

    Everybody OUT

  112. 112
    Ma­qb­oul says:

    Ermm.. isn’t it usual to take marijuana in conjunction with tobacco?

  113. 113
    Sajid Javid Fan Club says:

    Oi, Oi, Sajid Javid on the up!

  114. 114
    Anonymous says:

    You did not do your research.

  115. 115
    the late great Bob Marley says:

    Are you sure?

  116. 116
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    Some people are named Christian. Here it is often Kristian.

    It is primarily their name, not a reflection of their creed – any more than Peter, another Christian name, is.

    Suppose one of these wished to become a Muslim? Then you are going to witness a Muslim Christian.

  117. 117
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    Biccies, anyone? :-)

  118. 118
    Ma­qb­oul says:

    I supsect it has something to do with the fact that on 2 July 2012 all of British Waterways’ assets and responsibilities in England and Wales were transferred to the newly founded charity the Canal & River Trust.

  119. 119
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Try telling girls in Rochdale that, Anjem.

  120. 120
    yawning says:

    Who cares which liblabcon traitor does what?

  121. 121
    Another Royal favourite says:

  122. 122
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    You can’t tell them. They are not listening!

    Mark IIII (no, still not a New Testament reference.)

  123. 123
    Dave and Nick says:

    In this reshuffle, we will be replacing people who few have heard of, with people even fewer have heard of.

  124. 124
    C.O.Jones says:

    And the job for Tory Election Campaign Manager goes to………. …

    Ed Miliband.

  125. 125
    Juan Kerr says:

    Is he the Tory Chukka?

  126. 126
    Theresa April, Home Secretary and Future Leader says:

    I will not permit any such thing.

    One-third of the population of London are foreign nationals.

    We have a duty to ensure they are happy and provided with all they require to further the vital task of enriching us all.

    It is part of our rightful commitment to Europe.

    I know I can count on your support.

  127. 127
    Len. McCluskey says:

    Who says I’m not now

  128. 128
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    How interesting. Lots of people we have never heard off are shuffled off to be replaced by people we have never heard of.

  129. 129
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    So Stoners don’t drive? or go for a swim? Or fall off balconys?

  130. 130
    Anonymous says:

    All property looted by the ConDems will be restored to the public after regime change.

    There will be no nonsense about compensating the criminals.

    Tory families will however be responsible for making reparations to the full value of the stolen goods. Plus interest and penalties.

  131. 131
    Dav says:

    Rumour is that John Hayes is on his way out

  132. 132
    A Man says:

    You don’t need to know, dear.

  133. 133
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    More like the Tory M’edhi H’asan.

  134. 134
    Mornington Crescent says:

    “You have done such a fantastic job…”

    …so fantastic, you’re fired.

  135. 135
    simon r says:

    If anything perfectly sums up the bad judgement and f***wittery of Cameron it is the Chloe Smith saga – over promoted, moved sideways and now she is off.

    How much has she pulled in on top of her salary had she remained a back bencher ?

  136. 136
    Ed Militwat says:

    I thought he already was.

  137. 137
    joe says:

    Oh yes please.

  138. 138
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    When people convert to !slam they generally take a new !slamic name.

  139. 139
    PC Nutter(retied) says:

    Anything to do with the muzzies is to hard for the police. White English are easy meat though.

  140. 140
    Owen Jones says:

    Is it worth buying Royal Mail shares?

  141. 141
    Vasectomy Done says:

    I thought it was because the stone age people still don’t know about birth control and their so called leaders (imams) keep them in the dark.

  142. 142
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    Jezza Browne ‘too right wing’ ?

  143. 143
    DC says:

    I never noticed him when he was in.

  144. 144
    The English Public says:

    They both sound like foreigners to us.

  145. 145
    Oh hell I pressed submit says:

    I see McVey has been stupidly promoted, she’s a real Camoron even down to voting to want to go deeper into the EU, problem is she won’t get back in 2015, from what I see the only time we know about her is the local rag telling us about her and the other local mp’s expenses, email her and get a load of Camoron crap back I hope she realises as employment minister, Wirral is a bad spot for employment as it seems most of Poland is here and if your not Polish then you get the crap jobs if available, so I’ve heard, even voting Liebour would be a better bet.

  146. 146
    Sir William Waid says:

    Were it not for the Cult of Personality in our politics, we might have heard of these people.

  147. 147
    Innocent says:

    Mmmm. Delish, now ‘cuse me while I kiss the stars.

  148. 148
    Madonna says:

    “Y’all better vote for fucking Obama, OK? For better or for worse, we have a black Muslim in the White House,” “That’s some amazing sit. It means there is hope in this country.”

    http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57519758-503544/madonna-endorses-obama-calls-him-muslim/

  149. 149
    Sir William Waid says:

    Marijuana smoke is much more carcinogenic than tobacco smoke, although of course people generally smoke much less of it (in Waad Magna, anyway). George Harrison was probably a victim.

  150. 150
    Only 19 months until the LimpDums are wiped off the map. Yay! says:

    He refuses to wear sandals, apparently.

  151. 151
    Merseysider says:

    UKIP for me. And others.

  152. 152
    P l e b says:

    Rewarded for her treatment of the sick and disabled.

  153. 153
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Is Larry being reshuffled to make way for Freya?

  154. 154
  155. 155
    Mornington Crescent says:

    If you think this is riveting, Sir William, just you wait for the Shad Cab reshuffle…

  156. 156
    Curly says:

    Yes indeed. When I was very small (in the mid 1940s) my mum lifted me up to pop a letter in the post box for my nan, whom we were then on our way to visit for lunch. She lived about 2 miles away. The letter was delivered by 4.30 the same day. Whatever happened to service? I think the stamp cost a halfpenny.

  157. 157
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    If I wanted to convert to Islam, if…, I would certainly not wish to change my name! :-D

  158. 158
    The Piss soaked tramp known as TAT says:

    BOOM! The big one lands: Susan Kramer replaces Norman Baker at transport.

  159. 159
    Mornington Crescent says:

    It would help Dave’s wimmin quota, too.

  160. 160
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    Quite right!

    Has that Ceausescu fellow been given something in the reshuffle?

  161. 161
    M103 says:

    Esther McVey Employment Minister now, Hoban sacked, maybe because he was prepared to at least listen to disability groups, etc. Mcvey will be even more ruthless, but may also overstretch herself as Smith has done.

  162. 162
    nah nah nah says:

    Who are these people? Where did they come from? Why are they being given money for nothing? What are they going to do to us?

  163. 163
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    A bunch of talentless,lying,thieving LibLabCon traitors make way for another bunch of talentless,lying,thieving LibLabCon traitors.

  164. 164
    (optional) says:

    She is also a complete airhead who was out of her depth presenting low brow daytime “women’s shows” on obscure satellite channels years ago. She is completely out of her depth now. The fact that she is also Liverpudlian and a Tory makes me hate her more.

  165. 165
    Whiff says:

    Christ, she is thick as pigshit too

  166. 166
    Curly says:

    Do you know that the Romans had no symbol for zero?

  167. 167
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    Just checked – this is another screwed up UK Muzzie or incorrectly publicized ‘convention’.

    Qu’ran: Verse (33:5)

    There is no requirement for converts to change their name, and the Qu’ran is clear that family name should not be changed if name is changed. Apparently family roots are important.

    It is recommended to change first name if that name has a non-halal meaning. There is no requirement to change to an A’rabic name. Women are encouraged to keep their fathers name rather than adopting the western convention of taking their husband’s name.

  168. 168
    Norman King says:

    The Telegraph are this morning touting the potential return to the front bench of Liam Fox in Cameron’s reshuffle.

    If true, there could be no clearer sign that this government is exhausted of talent and morally bankrupt

  169. 169
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    Assuming I have the right entity, how many more days, hours, minutes and seconds to the end of the next Olympics? :-)

  170. 170
    Mornington Crescent says:

    “Home Secretary Theresa May will be questioned by MPs as to why an al-Qaeda terror suspect captured in Libya was previously given asylum in Britain.”

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24426644

    Why TF should she be questioned?? And by Vazolene, to boot.

    He was given asylum in Britain a year after the Embassy bombings in… 1998.

    Another multicultural enrichment of Britain, courtesy of Labour.

  171. 171
    Burgers are bad for you says:

    ‘s called “Buggin’s turn”. {or more accurately Muggin’s turn}

  172. 172
    Norman King says:

    The Telegr@ph are this morning touting the potential return to the front bench of Li@m Fux in Cameron’s reshuffle.

    If true, there could be no clearer sign that this government is exhausted of talent and morally bankrupt

  173. 173
    Burgers are bad for you says:

    Depends. Winter in Sochi or Summer in Rio?

  174. 174
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    Nullae. But they used the 0d0meter! Strange.

  175. 175
    Edwina Curry says:

    But you liked me. Everyone does. Right?

  176. 176
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    I like it hot!

  177. 177
    Arabian Gulf (kindly donated by the Persians a few years ago says:

    Somebody should ask the same question of Yemeni Vaz

  178. 178
    Calidius Eroticus says:

    What makes me laugh is how comedy Anjem bangs on about jihad and other bollox, while safely ensconced in his benefit funded comfort. Yet somewhere in Africa there is a twenty odd year old white girl running round with a gun, actually fighting jihad.

    One is a misguided fool. The other is just a prick.

  179. 179
    Short sighted Reader says:

    Damn. Hope he’s finished that manual on maintaining my 1997 Focus.

  180. 180
    Labour...filth...just filth says:

    or simply useless little c’unt

  181. 181
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    TBF Pаuline Christianity is just as fucked up as Islam. Flying Spaghetti Monster for me.

  182. 182
    Observer says:

    “Helen Grant is Parliamentary Under Secretary of State (Sport and Equalities) at DCMS.”
    Ah, the equalisation of sport: the prizes-for-all mentality remains…

  183. 183
    Oakham Man says:

    Either Hunt or Osborne should be sacked. One of them must be lying.
    Hunt, “we can’t afford a 1% pay rise for nurses”
    Osborne “the economy is on the mend”
    A line of argument worth pursuing?

  184. 184
    Jimmy Carr says:

    An empty taxi drew up outside NO:10 and the cabinet got out.

  185. 185
    Yah Yah says:

    Osborne, Beaker & Javid. What hope have we got ?

  186. 186
    Fog says:

    We don’t have a written Constitution, that is the problem.

  187. 187
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Militwit, Balls and Ummmunnnaaa.

    Great choice, innit?

  188. 188
    Penfold says:

    Musical chairs in the asylum………

  189. 189
    Penfold says:

    He was a greasy oik when at Hounslow

  190. 190
    Norman Baker says:

    Of course I believe in flying saucers, one landed in my garden only the other day and told me I would be getting good news.

    It’s only these people who see conspiracies everywhere who don’t believe.

  191. 191
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Dave likes ‘em that way.

  192. 192
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Deck chairs on the Titanic too…….

  193. 193
    Anonymous says:

    WTF Clearly very handy with a cock but what has Matt Hancock ever done apart from being Osbourne’s fluffer and doing all his briefing against other MP’s. Kissing ass clearly pays off for some.

  194. 194
    Anonymous says:

    Clearly very handy with a cock but what has Matt Hancock ever done apart from being Osbourne’s fluffer and doing all his briefing against other MP’s. Kissing ass clearly pays off for some.

  195. 195
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    You need at lease £750 to purchase Owen.

  196. 196
    Tony T says:

    Why do you think that is case here in South East?

  197. 197
    Can the Scots save England from Labour ?? says:

    Having just spent a few days in Scotland it is apparent that the streets are paved with English cash……and regrettably your prediction is likely to be true as the Scots won’t reject the english teat that provides such cushy benefits for them

  198. 198
    Granny Grunt says:

    Thanks grumpy.
    Didn’t realise the female members of his family had been
    abandoned to fend for themselves against the Nazis.

  199. 199
    Mark Oaten says:

    Keep talking.

  200. 200
    Enoch Powell's Ghost says:

    Sam Gyimah appointed a Whip. You see, just as I predicted!

  201. 201
    lola says:

    Yeah, but if someone manages to push for one to be written, it is the shits in power and their fellow traveller quangoistas that’ll write it. That will NOT work out well.

  202. 202
    Esther McVey is a says:

    MILF!

  203. 203
    A good Lib Dem says:

    I thought Jeremy Browne was quite good, actually.

  204. 204
    Anonymous says:

    Chloe Smith’s “notorious car crash interview” with Jeremy Paxman was no such thing: she knew the sillyy games the boys always play and presented a tribute to their style of larking about.
    Paxman was not impressed, accusing her of behaving as if it was all ‘some kind of a joke’. He can’t stand being the butt of politicians’ humour – that’s what his viewers are supposed to be.

  205. 205
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    “Blackout risk this winter highest in a decade, warns the National Grid. The Grid said reserve supplies of electricity will be wafer thin after a dramatic fall in the amount of coal-based power plants operating across the UK.”

    Maybe it will have to come to blackouts to kick the alternative energy zealots and incompetent self serving politicians in the balls.

  206. 206
    Trial set for April says:

    I doubt Rolf will last till April.

  207. 207
    Juan Kerr says:

    I bet all of these appointments would score zero on Pointless.

  208. 208
    Ðr Ðavid кelly says:

    Poor feller, maybe he needs to go for a long walk in the woods.

  209. 209
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Ignore him, it’s just David throwing his toys around again.

  210. 210
    Screwed Taxpayer having to fund all these bastards. says:

    Fucking career politician parasites. We don’t need any of them.

  211. 211
    nellnewman says:

    Isn’t this what they call small fry?

    I think the labour one is going to be much more fun to watch.

  212. 212
    Out & about with the Edinburgh dogshite says:

    Twigg was fucking useless!

  213. 213
    Toy Boy says:

    Is she an M, or just an ILF ?

  214. 214
    Juan Kerr says:

    Surprised Greening’s kept her job. Also (no surprise) no promotion for any of the Syrian rebels.

  215. 215
    Andy Burn'em says:

    I’m staying yeeeah!
    Ed knowns I did a damn good job at Stafford.

    Now where is my eye-liner gone?

  216. 216
    real Gordan Brown says:

    how about minister without porfolio for your overseas labour MP me.

  217. 217
    Vote UKIP says:

    The fucker’s yet another Oxford PPE graduate — hence he is ideally qualified to be a LibLabConner

  218. 218
    The British media are cunts says:

    I hear bum boy Burnham is refusing to go. Good. He’s such a mong.

  219. 219
    Doris Goldblatt says:

    The BBC understands that Guido Fawkes will keep his current position as a trainee right wing political blogger..

  220. 220
    Dave your all inclusive metrosexual P.M. says:

    Now, now. Mustn’t be rude about gayers, it’s naughty

  221. 221
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    Of course, you can rely on the BBC to gloss over such abject behavior by the Miliband’s.

  222. 222
    Great British Public says:

    Baroness Stowell? Can’t remember electing her for anything. Baroness Kramer? Isn’t she that u/s libdem kicked out by Zac?

  223. 223
    Dame Nikki Campbell queen of the radio says:

    Fascist!
    Fascist!
    Fascist!

  224. 224
    Muslim fundamentalist says:

    Women are not equal to men.

  225. 225
    Ailurophile says:

    Mark IIII?

    IIII versus IV. Always a great horological debate, but dates from Sundials.

    Discuss.

  226. 226
    Andy Burnham says:

    MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH

  227. 227
    The Loony Left says:

    Like all FibDems, you can trust them as far as you could throw Cyril Smith.

  228. 228
    A Miliband says:

    I hate all these counterrevolutionary shits. Democracy is a sham.

  229. 229
    Current Bum Sell Out says:

    A trainee right wing political blogger? I thought he was Rupert’s trainee knob gobbler.

  230. 230
    Current Bum Sell Out says:

    Oh, thanks for the double spacing GF.

  231. 231
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    “Meanwhile, in March it was revealed that he ( Geldof ) has exploited off-shore companies based in the British Virgin Islands to ensure his two homes here — the mansion flat in Battersea, South London, which he shares with his French partner Jeanne Marine, and his rambling country home in Faversham, Kent — are both exempt from stamp duty and inheritance tax.”

    Geldof is, as is Bono, a weapons grade hypocrite and phoney.

  232. 232
    Pick litter for bennies says:

    You must be a relative of Abu Hamsa.

  233. 233
    Separated at Birth says:

    Nick Griffin’s long lost twin brother?

  234. 234
    Vaz of the Silk Cushions says:

    If she would like to pose for a publicity photo for the press, then I am readily available to comfort her in her anguish (as long as no other more poignant opportunity arises that is, obviously).

  235. 235
    Wake up call says:

    The entire LabLibCon alliance, are racketeering looters. Wake up.

  236. 236
    The BBC, The Greens, Labour and Liberals says:

    If there are blackouts, we will blame them all on Conservative policies. And people will believe us.

  237. 237
    Order Order home of haters of Britain says:

    Ah good to see more hatred of Britain on display here. This site never fails to spew bile at one of the constituent parts of the UK . It would make Ralph miliband proud.

  238. 238
    Max says:

    I could have done wonders for that guy PR wise.
    Look what I’ve done for myself.

  239. 239
    Mincing Dave says:

    Calm down dear.

  240. 240
    Glen Miliband says:

    I prefer the slightly newer – you can’t polish a turd but you can dip it in glitter.

  241. 241
    Village Idiot says:

    ……”Honey Rose Herbal” is a good alternative!

  242. 242
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    So who’s running the Department of Gay marriage and Bum sex?

  243. 243
    Geery McCan.n says:

    There is a strong case for full press regulation. They need to be stopped from reporting what the Portugese police told them. Only my own PR team should be permitted to make comments.

  244. 244
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Not without electrician you won’t, I suppose every cloud has its silver lining.

  245. 245
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    As a Libertarian you should automatically be suspicious of subtractive systems!

    This becomes clearer when you realise that one of the few exceptions to the common use of IIII on clock faces is on the Elizabeth Tower (using IV) which, if it were to collapse westwards, would fill the Speakers Court and end up pointing accusative at the Commons Chamber.

  246. 246
    Joss Taskin says:

    Has Ed Balls been put in charge of paperclips ?

  247. 247
    REALITY CHECK says:

    A LURCH TO THE LEFT…..RED LEN MUST BE DELIGHTED


  248. 248
    Village Idiot says:

    …Well, John used to!

  249. 249
    Chuka is a large Space says:

    Europe’s largest accelerator space for technology businesses innovating in the finance, retail and future cities sectors.

    Canary Wharf, London

  250. 250
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Same old gravy train conveyor belt shit.

  251. 251
    St Vince of Cable says:

    He’s stolen my Halo.

  252. 252
    Victor Meldrew says:

    …”I don’t believe it”.

  253. 253
    Ed Miliband's mouthpiece says:

    The black lesbian box ticked there, very good Chuka.

  254. 254
    ? says:

    Is Burnham related to Harold Shipman does anybody know?

  255. 255
    Chuka takes time off work to visit the bank says:

  256. 256
    Liam Byrned says:

    Hi Guys,

    I’m a c unt!

    See ya!

  257. 257
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    HAPPY NOW, MR. MCCLUSKEY, SIR ???

  258. 258
    Ed's Bag carrier stays away from the office says:

    Smart move to keep out of the way when the Boss is hiring and firing,

  259. 259
    Village Idiot says:

    ..He is leaning to his “Left.”

  260. 260
  261. 261
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    I’ve got my Party back ! We’re aaawight ! We’re aaaawiiight !!! We’re aaaaaawwiiiiight !!

  262. 262
    jeeeeeeezus says:

    Nobodies replaced by cloned nobodies, and nobody gives a flying fook.

  263. 263
    NCA says:

    ..Bit of stop and search wouldn’t go amiss….

  264. 264
    The Labour Leader who Hates Britain says:

    If Red Ed went any more left he would be coming back. His Dad would have been proud though.

  265. 265
    Burnham should be in prison says:

    So in the end, the Son of Brown did just like Gordon and bottled it.

  266. 266
    DJ Nite WW says:

  267. 267
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    Monster or Machine ?

    Either way Spaghetti is Halal flying or otherwise, so should be fine.

  268. 268
  269. 269
    Ed Dafty, LimpDim MP, Climate Change Chieftain says:

    EXCELLENT !! THIS IS THE WAY TO REDUCE OUR CARBON FOOTPRINT !

  270. 270
    Gordon Brown says:

    Adolphe Miliband’s gravestone would do just fine for my grave.

    Writer, Teacher, Socialist.

  271. 271
    Pick litter for bennies says:

    Vaz was prominent in getting Elizabeth Filkin,Parliaments sleezebuster,fired when she started to look into his morals.

  272. 272
    Vazeline® - The Slipperiest Substance On The Planet says:

    Who deals with the committees in general and the Home Affairst Select Committee in particular, I’d the first to say that I should be long gone!!!

    Why am I still here?

  273. 273
    Anonymous says:

    No, Eddie.

    It was just a way to get at your daughter.

  274. 274
    Anonymous says:

    Does she hunt?

  275. 275
    Gooey Blob says:

    Glad to see Stephen Twigg go, he’s useless. Trouble is, there isn’t a great deal of talent on the Labour benches at the moment. If Miliband were not so utterly hopeless himself I’d feel sorry for him.

  276. 276
    Observer says:

    Jack Dromey is sacked? Does one detect a parting of the ways with Mrs Dromey?

  277. 277
    Anonymous says:

    Missed the bit about grandad being born in Poland but joined Russian communists in war against Polish people.

  278. 278
    Anonymous says:

    Don’t confuse the vermin.

    That one’s too difficult for them.

  279. 279
    Andy Burnham and Labour are cold-hearted nasty murderers. Fact. says:

    Yep.

    Miliband the Weak.

    Miliband the mass-murderer’s friend.

  280. 280
    (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

    + several million!

  281. 281
    The BBC, speaking with one voice, says:

    This is all the Conservative’s doing.

  282. 282
    Stonemason says:

    Yes, all we need to add is ‘Ruler of the World’

  283. 283
    The Day after Mrs Thatche Died. OWEN JONES says:

    “In the coming days, some on the right will attempt to snuff out criticism of her legacy, arguing that it is somehow disrespectful, spiteful or ghoulish. Absurd, of course: she was a politician “

    http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/thatcherism-was-a-national-catastrophe-that-still-poisons-us-8564858.html

    Yet he, OWEN JONES was the one shrieking about writing truthful things about the political activist Adolphe Miliband

  284. 284
    EU Funded Pro-EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP

  285. 285
    Her indoors says:

    Sacked from what?

  286. 286
    Handycock says:

    Why have I been overlooked in the reshuffle?

  287. 287
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    This combined with some possible industrial action.

    Winter of discontent being engineered ?

  288. 288
    Anonymous says:

    Oh, I don’t know. She’s just about fuckable.

    Quite an achievement for a Tory bird.

  289. 289
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    I used to know Nick Wood from his days at the Sunday Times. He even came to see me at my home once.

    http://bit.ly/1bCjPGc

    The hair may have gone from dark to grey and the face is fuller but his brain is sharper than ever.

    It is easy for those who criticise the Mail branding Ralph Miliband “the man who hated Britain”. But he thinks it was justified because Ed cites him often enough when it suits.

    I totally agree.

  290. 290
    Pick litter for bennies says:

    It is a Governments duty to plan 10yrs ahead when planning energy requirements.Hmmmm,who was in charge 10yrs ago?.

  291. 291
    Domestic Violence a certainty says:

  292. 292
    Gooey Blob says:

    Labour’s lead is nowhere near enough at this stage in the game. A Tory majority is looking very likely – though perhaps not a certainty – for 2015. The only thing you can guarantee is that Ukip will not win a single seat.

  293. 293
    Juan Kerr says:

    Nothing for Stella then. Don’t agree with her much but she comes across as far more intelligent than Creagh, Eagle, De Piero, Kendall, Reynolds and Reeves.

  294. 294
    Psychiatrist says:

    It is very concerning to note this person’s constant need to tell us where he is. It demonstrates deep insecurity and an unstable state of mind.
    We psychiatrists know that this is the cry of someone considerably out of his depth and looking for others to extract him from his difficulties. He is in urgent need of help.

  295. 295
    M102 says:

    Is he giving her a pearl necklace?

  296. 296
    Burnham should be in prison says:

    It really is beyond hilarious how utterly weak Miliband is. Too weak to sack Balls and Burnham and too weak to stand up to the unions. A joke leader of a joke party.

  297. 297
    Observer says:

    Dunno. It’s in Guido’s header.

  298. 298
    Luciana Burger with Lies says:

    How many more cocks do I need to suck before I get a serious promotion in the shadow cabinet?

  299. 299
    Anonymous says:

    Just think… Claire Perry with a whip.

  300. 300
    Hopeless Ed Miliband says:

    UkipLab are the traitors.

  301. 301
    Shailesh Vara Fan Club says:

    Shailesh Vara on the move too. Movin’ on up!

  302. 302
  303. 303
    M102 says:

    Are you sure?

  304. 304
    Hopeless Ed Miliband says:

    No, we don’t trust him after he sold the party stapler to Danny Alexander then put the money on a horse in the 3.30 at Kempton. I strongly suspect it’s Ed who keeps leaving drawing pins on my seat. Ouch!

  305. 305
    The LabLibCon is Le fcuked says:

    Keep telling yourself that. UKIP to come 1st 2014 EUro elections and make massive gains in locals? Don’t bet against it, the anti-establishment vote is bigger ard harder, than the very dim torwees imagine.

  306. 306
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Bob Constantine ‏@BobConstantine 45m
    Apart from reshuffle, my report on Liam Fox’s 3p mileage claim. I drove that route and it shd have bn 40p!! @itvwestcountry

  307. 307
    Juan Kerr says:

    Now to be known as Claire Whiplash.

  308. 308
    REALWORLDER says:

    ALSO TO THE PARTY THAT CANNOT BE NAMED

  309. 309
    The LabLibCon is Le fcuked says:

    The only people giving each other pearl necklaces are Dave ‘n’ Nick, while Miliband looks on, whining about how unfair it all is.

  310. 310
    Banks still robbing us blind says:

    Take out an evil pay day loan for £100 and after a week you owe £13 interest on top of the capital. Go £100 into an ‘unauthorised ‘ overdraft with the banks and at the end of the week they will take £80 off you on top of the capital. Now Stella, which is worse ?

  311. 311
    Hopeless Ed Miliband says:

    Yes, please vote for Ukip. They’re my only chance!

  312. 312
    Harriet harmans all woman shortlist ( for exemptions see appendix entitled 'Family members') says:

    Has on of Harmans siblings got Jacks old job ?

  313. 313
    Hopeless Ed Miliband says:

    There’s a hole in my pockets,
    Dear voter, dear voter,
    There’s a hole in my pockets,
    Dear voter, a hole.

  314. 314
    Ganjaman says:

    Clearly you need a bigger supply man. I can help.

  315. 315
    The LabLibCon is Le fcuked says:

    What this Shailesh Vara?

    ‘Voted very strongly for laws to stop climate change.’

    The man’s an idiot.

  316. 316
    Mr. & Mrs. Anglo Saxon says:

    Dear Mr. Cameron,

    I’m planning to move my family and extended family to Pak1stan for my health and I would like to ask you to assist me with this.

    We’re planning to simply fly from Britain to Pak!stan and we’ll need your help to make a few arrangements.

    We plan to skip all of the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.

    I’m sure they handle those things in the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Asif Ali Zardari, that I’m on my way over?

    Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

    1. Free medical care for my entire family.

    2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

    3. All Pak!stani Government forms must be printed in English.

    4. I want my grandkids to be taught Urdu by English speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.

    5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on British culture and history.

    6. I want my grandkids to see the British flag on one of the flag poles at their school.

    7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast (Bacon & Eggs) and lunch.
    8. I will need a local Pak1stan1 driver’s license so I can get easy access to government services.
    9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Pak!stan, but I don’t plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won’t make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.

    10. In case one of the Pak!stan! police officers does not get the memo from President Zardari to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.

    11. I plan to fly the British flag from my housetop, put British Flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on December 25th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

    12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labour or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.

    13. Please have President Zardari tell all of the Pak!stan! people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.

    14. I want to receive free food stamps.

    15. Naturally, I’ll expect free rent subsidies.

    16. I’ll need income tax credits so that although I won’t pay Pakistani taxes, I’ll receive money from the government.

    17. Please arrange it so that the Pak!stan Government pays me £4,500.00 to help me buy a new car.

    18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enrol me free into the Pak!stan Social Security program so that I’ll get a monthly pension cheque in retirement.

    I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all of his people who fly to Britain from Pak!stan . I am sure that President Zardari won’t mind returning the favour if you ask him nicely.

    Thank you so much for your kind help,

    Yours sincerely,

    Mr & Mrs Anglosaxon

  317. 317
    The door is over there >>> says:

    He’s only going for a spot of badger hunting on the common.

  318. 318
    Owen says:

    No, I’m much cheaper than that. If you’re the right sort of guy, that is.

  319. 319
    REALWORLDER says:

    If the PC halfwits spent as much effort and propaganda against drugs, as they do against smoking the world would be a much more pleasant place.

  320. 320
    The door is over there >>> says:

    Is there sufficient space on the stone for “and complete loon”?

  321. 321
    The door is over there >>> says:

    We also are baffled and wondering…

  322. 322
    Hattie's butler says:

    Dromey’s going to get it tonight from his missus – and not in a good way!

  323. 323
    The LabLibCon is Le fcuked says:

    Who elected her?

    Oh wait, the LanLibCon mafia, the same old reward for failure crowd, gave her a sinecure.

  324. 324
    REALWORLDER says:

    How many employment ministers have actually employed anyone apart from a Fillipina nanny on expenses

  325. 325
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Apart from reshuffle, my report on Liam Fox's 3p mileage claim. I drove that route and it shd have bn 40p!! @itvwestcountry— Bob Constantine (@BobConstantine) October 7, 2013

  326. 326
    REALWORLDER says:

    As non events go they don’t get much more’ non’ than this

  327. 327
    Tactical UKIP voter says:

    Delighted to help. And soon after you enter No 10 with your leftie friends, the IMF will have to be called in. So there’ll be another election with a new Real Conservative government replacing the current weak left winger and most of his cronies.

  328. 328
    cured lefty says:

    Christ thought it was the pilot for a new series of the saint starring chukka as the modern face of simon templar

  329. 329
    REALWORLDER says:

    I have been reliably informed that the wind farms will generate at least enough electricity to keep the fridge light going.

  330. 330
    The LabLibCon is Le fcuked says:

    In 2008 the Climate Change Act was introduced by Ed Miliband.

    The cost of energy for the average home was £1,044, today it is close to £1,500.

    The levy and subsidy paid by the consumer in 2008 was zero, today the consumer levy and subsidy is £425.

    Has anyone done the math’s here?

  331. 331
    Eardestappa says:

    George Eustice. Can anyone shed any light on his unusual educational career and what happened at Cornwall College? Given he now has his first job.

    Westminster Parliamentary Record

    School
    Truro School

    Truro Cathedral School
    Further Education

    Cornwall College (Degree unknown, Year unknown)

  332. 332
    Financial Adviser says:

    Very simple solution sweetie. Don’t take one out, live within your means instead.

  333. 333

    No it wouldn’t, We don’t want our country to be run by another country.

  334. 334
    Bigot Watch says:

    are you confusing Britain with England you ignorant numpty ?

  335. 335
    Anonymous says:

    Why was Mark Prisk fired with no replacement announced. Who turned it down?

  336. 336
    It was just coincidence that he came up with Live Aid the day his record company dropped him says:

    Its good to see Geldof has found a new bandwagon to hitch his long forgotten career onto.

  337. 337
    Fictitious bogie men or women as the case may be says:

    Are you refering to the elusive ‘ White Widow’ that Keyser Soze figure much loved by The Daily Mail ?

  338. 338
    Top Bollox says:

    All of them you stupid cow.

  339. 339
    Red ED says:

    But his face looks like an arse.

  340. 340
    Teen fondler says:

    His spiritual sucksessor.

  341. 341
    Max Fondler says:

    Was?.

  342. 342
    EDF says:

    As long as you keep the door shut.

  343. 343
    The elephant in the room says:

    http://bit.ly/1bR5T7Q

  344. 344
    Dtcweljkfbnmkz\xnjfi says:

    Is that a real name?.

  345. 345
    Me & mine are not answerable to the useless Alison arsewipes of the world. Deal with that reality! says:

    Oh aren’t we the lucky ones!

  346. 346
    Anonymous says:

    Maybe he’ll get it right next Spring.

  347. 347
    Anon2 says:

    I imagine the EU’s got another placeman stashed away in the cupboard ready and waiting.

  348. 348
    self righteous sanctimonious prick watch says:

    Yes Mr Smart arse but her core vote comprises of people who struggle financialLy and the banks are robbing them blind,so thats ok then !

  349. 349
    The English Public Mark II says:

    There’s nothing foreign about a corner shop or a curry.

  350. 350
    Jabez says:

    Much of the reshuff. is not aired. Did you know that Prince Charles – has elected himself on the recommendation of Britain’s non removable Prime Politician the Queen. Prince Charles is now Minister with two hundred bleeding portfolios and will be sticking his fucking nose everywhere.

  351. 351
    A man at the BBC says:

    I’m so glad that Rachel Reeves has gone on to bigger things after doing the voiceover for Boycie on Only Fools and Horses.

  352. 352
    Mr Quelch says:

    You mean to say that these people actually have personalities.

  353. 353
    Bethan Jenkins wears slippers in her car. says:

    I’m sure I saw her in Bridgend yesterday.
    She was selling the Big Issue.

  354. 354
    Anonymous says:

    Who in their right mind would accept Burnham’s job if it were to become vacant?

  355. 355
    kitler says:

    Muzzlemen are not equal to people.

  356. 356
    kitler says:

    America has a written constitution and they ended up with a chimp at the top.

  357. 357
    broderick crawford says:

    So Jack Dromey husband of Harriet Harperson is out .
    Must have asked for the back door onace too often …..

  358. 358
    broderick crawford says:

    So anna Soubry has now got hersellf a P u s s y.

    Hubby will be proud .

  359. 359
    broderick crawford says:

    whatever Laws past Outlaws i think he would do a far better job than his party colleague Ginger Minge-er D Alexander as Chief Sec to Treasury ..

  360. 360
    broderick crawford says:

    No Ed , you re still the Leader

    It s just that Len is now Life President Emeritus of the Labour Party

    Think if him as akin to Ayatollah Khameini in Iran i e the power behind the throne with the authority to eject you on your ear at your first wrong move .

    Simples !

  361. 361
    JH2349809850934 says:

    Yeah, Muslim women are really respected for their intellect.

    That’s why they don’t like them going to school.

    If they get too clever, throwing rocks at their heads tends to lower their measurable IQ a bit.

  362. 362
    The Daily Fable says:

    She couldnt have been in Bridgend as The Daily Mail reported she was in that shopping Mall directing the killings ‘cept of course she wasn’t .

  363. 363
    Then I woke up and realised it wasn't a dream says:

    At least they havent made him the chairman of the Parliamentary Ethics and Standards committee else we would be really fucked. That would be really mental if that ever happened.

  364. 364
    Etic Hobsbawn says:

    My answer to the Energy crisis would be the forced starvation of Millions of consumers. That would be a price worth paying.

  365. 365
    Spectrum is green says:

    Is that not those mysterons ?

  366. 366
    Sine qua non says:

    Spot on anon.

  367. 367
    Only chavs shop at Tesco says:

    Does anyone know if that myopic snake, Wedgie Jr, is still around? He WAS a front-bencher, n’est-ce pas?

  368. 368
    Burak Obamma says:

    I’m not only a chimp – I’m a vacuous, clueless front man and would be out of my depth at a Tupperware party, never mind a tea party.

  369. 369
    Gadarene fuckpigs of multiplicity says:

    Monster it should be. We are talking of deity, you know! ;-)

    Halal may be universal where you are but no trace of it exists where I live.

    [Blue screen moment occurred whilst writing this but picked it up in cache so reposted next morning – has Allah got it in for me? :-)]


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