September 27th, 2013

Boris Yearns For Westminster

Boris is stoking the fires this weekend, telling the FT he would not rule out a third term as mayor leading up to a handover pre-2020:

“During the whole Syria thing, for the first time in years I wished I was in parliament. I have to admit that I watched that and I thought… I wished. I wished… I want to do this job to the best of my ability for the next two-and-a-half years and then heaven knows what will happen.”

Most interestingly the FT name Adam Afriyie as running a shadow campaign for Boris, and would stand aside when the time comes:

“Adam Afriyie, the little-known but ambitious MP for Windsor and an admirer of Johnson, has assembled a leadership campaign organisation which could be quickly retooled to support a Boris leadership bid if the London mayor returns to parliament.”

Well it wouldn’t be the eve of Tory conference without some less than subtle positioning, would it…


  1. 1
    Owen Jones says:

    I just want a hamburger that looks like the ones in commercials.

  2. 2
    An Angry Aardvark says:

    If Adam’s running it, I’m Afriyie-d Boris is doomed. Afriyie couldn’t run a bath.

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    “Retooled”. Does that mean Afriyie would come back?

  4. 4

    The following forms of words should be taken into account when assessing the short to medium term forecasts of the IPCC:

    it is very likely
    it is likely
    it is more likely than not
    medium confidence

    Strangely, their confidence increases the further into the future they project:

    more likely than not in some basins
    virtually certain

    These findings defy all the normal rules regarding forecasting. Normally you are on safer ground in the short term.

    Whatever they were going to find, the need to take illogical and costly action (only for some states, mind!) is certain and must be now!

    Clearly we need a new theory of logic; Aristotle, Quine, Popper et al appear to have let us down so very badly. ;-)

    This ground-breaking IPCC summary may be read here:

  5. 5
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Sounds the like the winning team is in place.

    Whilst Labour are hesitating knifing their turkey-plonker of a leader the Conservatives are planning for 2020.

    2020 vision!

  6. 6
    Ed Millband says:

    I am going to take all your money and spend it on shite

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    In the 10 local elections where UKIP contested they gained the following % of the votes

    Devon 15.2%
    Tendering 21.9%
    Mole 13.3%
    Forest of Dean (Red) 23.5%
    West Sussex 32.2%
    Barnsley 26.4%
    Forest of Dean (Clifford) 29.3%
    Sevenoaks 35.7%
    Banbury 16%
    Blackpool 22.8%

    Thus giving UKIP an average poll share of 23.45%
    Now lets see the Tories try to pretend that UKIP are not a serious threat Boris might win a seat but the Tories wont be in power

  8. 8
    because i can.... says:

    I just want to disrupt Steve’s conceptual continuity.

  9. 9
    Whippet lover says:

    Yes Tories do please pick another Tory toff as leader. Outside London (about 90% of the electorate) it will guarantee many more defections to UKIP. Add them to all those disgruntled moderate lefties leaving Red Ed’s Labour for UKIP and we have it made.

  10. 10
    Sheila Blige says:

    If Boris could keep his spunk-trumpet in his pants, he’d still make a total twat of himself, as always.

  11. 11
    An Angry Aardvark says:

    They are local council by-elections. We’re talking about grown-up politics here, the Westminster stuff. Run along and play with your train set or something.

  12. 12
    An Angry Aardvark says:

    Taking Dougie Alexander out for lunch?

  13. 13
    BBC Political Propaganda is in everything you watch says:

    2020? Too late – we’ll be living under an EU-BBC-PC-Eco-fascist oligarchy by then and MP’s will not exist.

  14. 14
    Village Idiot says:

    .Those results may be repeated or even improved upon such is the disconnect from reality of the liblabcon’ers!

  15. 15

    We are nearly there already under lib/con EU arsehole suckers.

  16. 16
    Ed Militant says:

    Disloyal scumbags!

  17. 17
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    More importantly UKIP grabbed it from a split of former LibLabCon voters.

  18. 18
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    The less likely they are to be found falsified the more confident they are…

    Hmm sounds like a fraud.

  19. 19
    Dave's shirtlifters says:

  20. 20


    Imagine trying to place a bet now for the Grand National to be run in 2099…

  21. 21
    Extreme Fishing says:

    We call ‘em Rainbow Trouts.

  22. 22
    gramma says:

    A Strap-on I think.

  23. 23
    Anonymous says:

    An Angry Aardvark is a prime example of a head in the sand Tory dipstick

  24. 24
    John Maynard Keynes, famous racist poofter economist, says:

    In the long run we’re all dead anyway.

    Which was supposed to justify why you should always act in the short term even if all’s well that ends well, because perish forbid, you should be voted out of office for allowing the economy to take its course.

    Of course the steps taken in the short term obviously have no long-term ramifications of their own, right? But you won’t have to worry about those– you’ll be dead by then.

  25. 25
    Hugh Guv says:

    The 2 results on that list which will really frighten the Tories are the Sussex and Kent ones. Even if the UKIP vote in the southeast was halved in a General Election, it would cause political mayhem in Tory marginals.

  26. 26
    Nick Clegg says:

    Look we are the party of the disaffected.

    It is our God given right to hoover up all the discontented Labour and Tory voters. Now will you kindly disappear and not point out that I am a lying twat who will say anything, but obviously do nothing, to rock the establishment boat.

  27. 27
    Bill Quango MP -9 says:

    I suppose after Red Ed’s 2015-2020 term Boris might have a good chance.
    Red Ed, will have nationalised the rail, energy, mail and banks, and the country would have had double digit inflation and a visit from the IMF, a three day week and rolling blackouts, so I’d expect after that disaster Boris would be a pretty fair bet to be PM.

  28. 28
    Bill Quango MP -9 says:

    Another government IT system then ?

  29. 29
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    Yep, ignorant, arrogant and patronising.

    A typical LabLibCon merchant, who imagines the ‘little people’ can be talked down to and are frightened sheep, who can be lured back into the fold, with a few more lies and bit of meaningless posturing.

  30. 30
    broderick crawford says:


    Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
    The finale of Dexter sees him killed by the bloke who used to sell him his arrows. Fairly obvious bit of casting for that role.

    Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
    You wondered whether Moyes could replicate his Everton form at United. With seven points after six games, I think the answer’s yes.

    Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
    Don’t be hard on yourself, you’re not the world’s worst person. In fact you’ve barely scraped the top 20 worst people.

    Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
    No word from Universal Pictures about your biopic of baseball player Ty Cobb which focuses on his series of one-night stands called Humpty Dumpty.

    Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
    Bad news as you install IOW7 rather than IOS7 on your phone and now if you want to send a message you have to wait for the hourly ferry from Portsmouth.

    Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
    For the last month the top lenses in your bifocals have been broken, meaning you’ve been unable to read internet articles, just the comments underneath. As a result you’ve assumed everyone on the planet has had a serious head injury.

    Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
    Cats, they’re just like little human beings, aren’t they? Especially you, you lazy, hairy, freeloading arsehole.

    Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
    You’ve put the heating on for the first time since April. Not because it’s cold but because you’ve spent the last six months saving up to pay for it.

    Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
    This week, why not improve your election chances by wearing a t shirt with Michael Gove’s face and the caption ‘This prick isn’t one of ours’ on it?

    Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
    Apparently it’s bad form during a marriage guidance session to say “If they tried to charge me bedroom tax I’d be due a sodding rebate.”

    Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
    It’s not a Retro Pop Up Street Food Experience, it’s a hot dog van.

    Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
    All rights reserved, including the one to PAAAAARRRRTYYYYYY!

  31. 31
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    UKIP is going to create mayhem in the Labour marginals as well, old Labour are switching to UKIP and Miliband’s millionaire Marxist party, are on quicksand.
    As for Cleggs bunch of failed socialist rejects, they’re looking at meltdown.

    Can’t say I care much either.

  32. 32
    Put those lights out says:

    “Red-Ed’s 2015-2020 term”. I shuddered at those words.

  33. 33
    broderick crawford says:

    no .. i have to veer towards the aardvaark view here .

    yes nige is good bu t he cannot do everything .
    if ukip did win by getting into sone sort of libconukip coalition who , apart from himself , would he put up as minister material .?

    that godfrey bloke who has now resigned ?
    that liverpudlan who is supposed to be deputy leader But no kn has heard of ?

    no .. what happens if nige has another microlight air acccident or worse gets a bout of flu ?

    basically ukip is just … well … nigel !!

  34. 34
    Sloppy seconds says:

    Boris has always been partial to a bit of black.

  35. 35
    Sloppy seconds says:

    Odd – one of very few women to have a bad word for Boris.

    Other than his wife, of course.

    If he’s going to wait until 2020, think how many notches he’ll have on his todger by then.

  36. 36
    broderick crawford says:

    call paddy power immediately .

    for 2099 he ‘ ll offer money back on every losing horse and quintuple the odds if you back the winner .

    he ll be dead by then anyway , whst does he care .

  37. 37
    Cock and bum fun says:

    And look who the guest speaker is.

    Better get in quick – those fat poofs take up an awful lot of space, so it could be a tight squeeze.

  38. 38

    Something Monty Pythonesque about the facts that no one who is legally permitted to bet is likely still to be alive and that both grandparents of that nag will not have been born yet!

  39. 39
    Anonymous says:

    Wouldn’t it look a bit odd if he first entered Parliament through europhile Heseltine seat and then returned via Hessers best mate in Croydon who is also a europhile. Couldn’t get caught twice could we?

  40. 40
    Boris Johnston with the morals of Shameless says:

    Interesting that the adulterous bufoon got all excited over the ‘Syria thing’ does the thought of playing at wars turn the c unt on ?

  41. 41
    Bloke says:

    Public Sector Boris mainly wants a nice seat on the Big Giverment Gravy Train. He doesn’t give a tinker’s cuss for the country.

  42. 42
    Anonymous says:

    What these Tory twats dont seem to grasp is the simple fact that UKIP do not have to win any seats to torpedo the Tories. At the last GE UKIP got only 3% of the national vote but that 3% cost the Tories about 20 marginals including Ed Balls. Now they keep saying that UKIP will let Labour in and then we wont get a referendum on the EU. Well you definitly wont get a referendum from Cameron and here is why.

    Cameron is simply Labour in a blue tie and his boss is Merkle so for me it’s fuck the LIBLABCON I will like more and more of the electorate VOTE UKIP

  43. 43
    Tom Fatson says:

    Youre not talking about Fatbot are you?.

  44. 44
    Andy Burnham says:

    Look to the Quran all true is there don’t you know, just ask the sky fairy and all will be revealed.

  45. 45
    His Dad says:

    No we wont, he will line his pockets as usual and fuck the workers.

  46. 46
    Ben Wedgie says:

    Whos parliament haven’t seen her yet, is she a looker or just another minger like the others.

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    ID cards again?

  48. 48
    Seedy Sid says:

    Na, Fatbot is more than a ‘bit’.

    She’s more like a black mountain.

  49. 49
    Anonymous says:

    An Angry Ardvark
    Having rechecked the figures the total votes cast in all of the local election results shown above was 10747 and the UKIP share of this vote was 2635
    Now it doesnt matter how you interpret these figues UKIPs share of the total votes cast
    = 2635 of 10704 = 24.52% which is slightly better than first calculated.
    This figure is a true % of the overall votes cast regarless of the individual results for each seperate election and prove beyond any doubt that 1 in 4 of the voters supported UKIP.
    I cannot see Cameron gaining much if any ground from this over the next 20 months can you?

  50. 50
    Owen Jones says:

    But Guido, I thought we were bum chums?

    Why are you deserting me for Boris?

    Wasn’t that thing about ‘breaking bread’ our secret little code for barebacking? You know you like it!

  51. 51
    John Prescott says:

    You sound like a mucky bugger but each to their own young man and anyway theres nothing to be ashamificated about as homosaxualling is perfecting and natural if you ask me in any case who the we rushing to judgement when even Tony was caught cottaging and Gordon was bent over a rocking horse and a few others as well its all part of the modern world and Im surprised its still an issue so we should be tolerated and accept other for what they are and living to let live is the best philosophication, so all you suthern jessies can shut up!

  52. 52
    Owen Jones' Mum says:

    Owen, shouldn’t you be at school at the moment? Posting dirty messages on Guido’s website won’t help you do well in your maths re-sit!

  53. 53
    Boris Johnson, future PM says:

    Ooo-err! I think the cat’s well and truly out the bag now, Guido. Everyone knows you’re a homo and you like to ‘play the woman’ with Owen!

  54. 54
    Peter Hitchens says:

    You f.u.c.k.i.n.g. mucky bastards – haven’t you got anything better to discuss? Standards really are slipping among you c.u.n.t.s.

  55. 55
    That's enough Eds, Ed! says:

    Keep telling yourself that!

  56. 56
    Simon B says:


  57. 57
    John Bellingham says:

    She does tend to cast a large dark shadow over the capital.

  58. 58
    Commen Sense says:

    Boris wants an amnesty for all illegal immigrants.

    He would be even worse for this country than Cameron, who may secretly want an amnesty, but at least he wouldn’t say it….

  59. 59
    Commen Sense says:

    As Boris’s number 2, will Alfyie also post cock shots on Facebook ?

  60. 60
    Gandher says:

    Cameron should promise an in/out referendum for 1 month after the GE. He should promise it 1 week before the election and put a few million from his bank account into an escrow account in the event that he reneges.

  61. 61
    Aunt Mat says:

    I think he looks at Tony Blair’s nice new private jet and wonders what he must do to get one.

    That Jet is a game changer for all UK politicians.

Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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