Perhaps the most awkward anecdote yet from McBride’s book. Passed out drunk and naked on his bed at Labour conference, McBride had to be woken by Ed Balls. With mentally scarring consequences:

“When I felt Ed grasping me by the shoulders, shouting quite loudly and giving me a shake I became about a quarter awake but unfortunately – in my addled and still drunk state – my mind interpreted what was happening as some amorous play-wrestling from a female bedmate. I started to roll over and try to pull ‘her’ onto me with a winsome “C’mere”, at which point Ed sharply lurched away from the bed with a “Good grief!” As I fully woke up, it was difficult to work out what was happening. I could see my bedroom door was open. apparently with several people whispering outside. I could hear bath water running with lots of irritated swearing coming from the bathroom – and I was stark naked with my clothes in front of the bed. As I sat up, Ed emerged from the bathroom with a face like thunder and hurled a binful of cold water over me, shouted: “Now for f***s sake get up” and stormed out.”

Probably one story Balls is less keen on telling about his old pal “Mr McBride”…