September 24th, 2013

Balls in Bed With McBride

Perhaps the most awkward anecdote yet from McBride’s book. Passed out drunk and naked on his bed at Labour conference, McBride had to be woken by Ed Balls. With mentally scarring consequences:

“When I felt Ed grasping me by the shoulders, shouting quite loudly and giving me a shake I became about a quarter awake but unfortunately – in my addled and still drunk state – my mind interpreted what was happening as some amorous play-wrestling from a female bedmate. I started to roll over and try to pull ‘her’ onto me with a winsome “C’mere”, at which point Ed sharply lurched away from the bed with a “Good grief!” As I fully woke up, it was difficult to work out what was happening. I could see my bedroom door was open. apparently with several people whispering outside. I could hear bath water running with lots of irritated swearing coming from the bathroom – and I was stark naked with my clothes in front of the bed. As I sat up, Ed emerged from the bathroom with a face like thunder and hurled a binful of cold water over me, shouted: “Now for f***s sake get up” and stormed out.”

Probably one story Balls is less keen on telling about his old pal “Mr McBride”…


  1. 1
    Wanda Ringhands says:

    Oh Christ * brain bleach *


  2. 2
    Brokebank Mountain says:

    An orgy of debt, deceit and destruction. It was the British people who felt sore and violated after these two had finished their time in government.


    • 71
      What Guido see's says:

      Guido, if you are going to recreate this scene with a compiled picture at least show their faces at the correct year. Both should be much fatter.

      As for their bodies. Both were fat before becoming remotely known to the public. Skin colour must be hideously white. Tyres of fat. Arms fat. Heads descend into their shoulders.

      The bedroom sheets should be ruffled and stained.

      Curtains drawn.

      It won’t be clean and nice.

      Perhaps we get what you like to see!


  3. 3
    Village Idiot says:

    …”Balls” has seen his Balls!!!!


  4. 4
    Honesty & Integrity says:

    Professionals to the core, every last one of them.


  5. 5
    Photoshop Advice Line says:

    I would use +10 on the twàt filter.


  6. 6
    Damien McBride says:

    In my drunken state I thought it was Yvette..again


  7. 7
    Ed Balls says:

    Oh B*ll*cks


  8. 9
    Toby Belching-Felcher says:

    McPrickface now on DP. He’s a real ugly c unt.


  9. 10
    The BBC is a fucking disgrace! says:


  10. 11
    Just the facts says:

    So he’s a poof.


  11. 13
    Watcher says:

    Watching Brillo and the coverage of the Labour fest it’s obvious that the first test a prospective Labour MP, supporter, activist etc., has to pass is to be ugly, weird in actions and character, never to speak the truth, have a reality by-pass.

    Ergo, Wallace and his dog, Balls, Khan, Chuckus, Toynbee, the carrion birds aka the Eagles………..and on…….and on……..and on.


  12. 14
    Was a bucket of water necessary? says:

    As If seeing Ed Balls wasn’t enough to kill an erection.


  13. 15
    Casual Observer 3 says:

    I’ain D’ale shoul perhaps use the dog of the guy he assaulted this morning as poster child for ‘Biteback’ publishing.

    Not sure it says much for the type of woman McBride goes for if he is mistaking Ed Ba!!s for a woman. Obviously a tits man.


    • 17
      Terrier says:

      Although he feeds me treats and I wag my tail we don’t agree on everything.
      I personally think Britain should retain it’s own nuclear deterrent.
      That’s why I bit him on the bum


    • 21
      Sir William Waid says:

      It doesn’t surprise me. When McBride came to Waad Magna the farm manager found him passed out at 7am in the shippon, an empty bottle of Stolnichaya at his side, and an affronted expression on the face of Harriet, our prize Holstein milker.


      • 39
        Casual Observer 3 says:

        What is hilarious: Over on D’ale’s site he is admitting to the assault and claiming that he was surprised none of the Daybreak team attempted to stop the guy, which is part of his defense for putting the (brown) boot in.

        The reason the Daybreak team did not intervene is because that would constitute assault. Even if they obstructed Stuart’s right of way on the public footpath – that is a no no.

        D’ale is being a bit thick here if he cannot connect that !TV or one of is production companies are not willing to break the law.

        The only way to legally avoid this problem is to conduct the interview on private property. One may note that C4 yesterday were only properly chased off by the BBC when McBride was inside a cafe. BBC would have had authority of the Cafe owner for their actions, but even then did not put the boot in.

        Like D’ale a lot, and he has a lot of $ riding on this, but would like to see how his defense rides in court if the Police / CPS get involved.


    • 81
      Mike Portaloo says:

      the only thing Iain dale has ever bitten is my pillow


  14. 16
    Yvette Ladyboy says:

    You’ll be wearing one tonight Ed. Here’s some change.


  15. 18
    mr edd says:

    brings a new slant on the expression “balls deep”


  16. 19
    Joe Gargery says:

    What larks, eh? What larks!


  17. 22
    Daily Politics says:

    Brillo’s syrup is looking rather ropy today.


  18. 23
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    Luckily McBride’s dick was flat-lining.


  19. 24
    Simon Cowell says:

    With the Canine antics outside and Miliband talking crap inside,this years Labour conference has turned into a real Dog&Pony show.


  20. 25
    A Wanker fro the BBC says:

    McBride is ancient history. The Labour Party isn’t like that any more. It is in fact the most gorgeous political party in the world. It’s time to move on.

    Now, about the Bedroom Tax…


  21. 26
    Toby Belching-Felcher says:

    Why the fuck have DP got Baroness Prosser on to confront McPrickface?

    Mad old bat.


  22. 27
    Blinky says:

    Even though we were at hundreds of meetings together and shared office space from time to time I only met Mr MacBride on two occasions and I have never spoken to him.


  23. 28

    I always knew Ed Balls was a bottom boy like me.



    • 60

      I will meet you down the Pinner Tandoori at 9 pm this Friday. We can ensure we pick dishes with plenty of black pepper to increase the sexual urges and then we can repair to your drum to emulate this romantic scene for the rest of the night. You had better book your mum out on a weekend away tour to Southend again. Incidentally, do you bring the ring or do I?

      I shall have to pay as I know you have no dosh of your own. Does the thought of that make you just a little bit damp?


  24. 30
    Steve says:

    One must assume that Guido had to spend some time this morning trawling through gay porn to find a suitable image to Photoshop.


  25. 32
  26. 33
    Anonymous says:

    Shouldn’t DM be in court like Nigel Evans?


  27. 34
    Dirty Boy says:

    Well McBride did say he a had a drunken one night stand with a minister.


  28. 40
    Darwin says:

    McBride has a look to him akin to an early transitional prehistoric mammal, one whose facial features are more bland and nondescript rather than defined and characterful.


  29. 41
  30. 46
    Professor Brain Cox says:

    Isn’t the universe great?

    Aren’t I well paid?

    Do you like pandas too?

    Thing can only get better?


  31. 47
    A reckless, unfunded promise says:

    Have you seen Ed Miliband? I have a meeting with him at 1pm.


  32. 52

    Is this what the down-with-it kids on 4-chan would call shoop?


  33. 53
    Larry the Cat says:

    After the disgusting scenes we have just had to witness at the Labour Party Conference i hope and pray that compulsory Dog Licence Registration will be implemented this side of Christmas.

    Some people are clearly unfit to be left to care for dogs.


  34. 55
    Rusty says:

    Ed Miliband is right to cancel the reduction of the rate of corporation tax on large companies. They make far too much money.


  35. 56
    No-one knew anything guv says:

    Polly Toynbee just said on TV that no-one could imagine Red Ed ever knifing anyone in the back, then she suddenly stopped and added “Oh apart from his brother”.


  36. 57
    I d on't n eed no d octor says:

    The BBC have just briefed their reaction to Ed Miliband’s speech that he will give later this afternoon.

    Marvelous, a defining moment in british politics, assured, full of confidence, just what the country needs, a born leader, trustworthy.


  37. 59
    Bill Clinton says:

    I did not have balls in bed with mcbride.

    Trust me.


  38. 61
    Ed Miliband says:

    I promise the UK everything under the sun, after all it’s only tax payers money.


  39. 62
    Fishy says:

    What about Balls and Peston?


  40. 63
    Ed Balls says:

    I won’t write a blank cheque for HS2, but I will write a blank cheque to increase the public sector.


  41. 65
    Mr Bloom says:

    Mr Bloom’s Garden is on CBeebies now!


  42. 67
    Pleb says:

    Balls and Labour did not implode the country’s finances. It was a worldwide recession caused by everybody’s favourite people – the bankers with their reckless gambling. And the recovery was starting under Alistair Darling until Osborne destroyed it!


  43. 75
    geordieboy says:

    Well Blow Me Ed, I never thought you had the Balls


  44. 77
    superman says:

    McBride, Typical Celtic supporting Irishman. When will Labour ever learn. Brown should have known better as son of the manse. Balls should have thrown boiling water over him.


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