September 13th, 2013

Lord Splash-Croft

Guido wouldn’t recommend six pints of Guinness and a curry either…


75 Comments

  1. 1
    I Know the feeling Lord Ashcroft. Diane Abbott says:
  2. 2
    LBB? says:

    Too late

    102983

  3. 3
    Ed Miliband says:

    Ashcroft doesn’t need a laxative, he should try making an anti-union speech to the TUC.

  4. 4
    Ed Balls says:

    “The High-Speed Gravy Train” is flat-lining

    • 9
      Filbert Gibbler says:

      Only a person such as Ed Balls would put that sort of post up against the subject of the message.

      Message is another word for the same problem of course…

      But then Ed Balls always talks poo anyway!

      • 14
        Gordon Brown, UN Special Envoy for Edukayshun says:

        Hey. I’m the authority on poo, prunes and prudence.

        • 28
          Gordon's nurse says:

          You did a very good poo this morning, Gordon, very firm, to too stinky.

          But please, not in my desk drawer again.

  5. 5
    Casual Observer says:

    Confuscius for a modern age ?

    • 11
      Jing Aling, New Emperor of China says:

      Do not take the name of our Confucius in vain

      He could think

      And you decadent Westerners can no longer think, believe in nothing, represent nothing and have no long-term answers

      PS We make everything for you already

      In the future, we wil think for you

    • 12
      Mitch says:

      Except, it isn’t a new one.

  6. 7
    DtP says:

    As my old boss used to say ‘Ricky, there’s absolutely nothing to get old for’. Bog time in a morning is the cider apple quickstep these days – best laxative money can buy.

  7. 8
    Shit The Bed says:

    Wise words, but why would anyone want to share that?

    Regardless of how useless he is on so many levels, Cameron was (for once) bang on the money when he said that too many tweets make a twat.

    • 70
      Anonymous says:

      What Cameron meant to say was too many cock ups makes a cnut.
      I’ve made loads of cock ups, therefore I am..

  8. 10
    Lifting the vell says:

    A conspiracy by ITV to improve the Corry ratings. Simps.

  9. 13
    Lord Plagiarist says:

    Never eat yellow snow.

  10. 16
    Editor of the Tatler glossy mag says:

    We love Lord Slash-Croft

    He is the Tories’ answer to Lord Cashpoint

    We will have a photo of them kissing on the next edition of our dirty mag

  11. 21
    Here's an idea says:

    Lib Dems demand ‘super mansion tax’ for £4million homes to counter claims their figures don’t add up

    Lets call it stamp duty.

  12. 22

    Guido wouldn’t recommend six pints of Guinness and a curry either…

    So why keep doing it?

    • 33
      Words of Wisdom says:

      I was once reliably informed by a chav that 5 bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale the night before childbirth is not a brilliant plan, either.

      • 50
        DtP says:

        That made me laugh probably a bit too much. I know mums usually shit themselves during pregnancy but drunken projectile shitting had never really occurred! ‘It’s a boy covered in shit’ – argh, the most natural thing there is.

  13. 23
    Mark Oaten says:

    No comment.

  14. 24
    Reader says:

    I have to say this for the man, he does give some very sound advice.

  15. 26
    Lexander says:

    So he shit the bed. What’s new? FFS

  16. 27
    Toby Young and Dan Hodges says:

    Guido

    Since you have not given us our critical 23 seconds of fame today

    We would like to tell you that we had lunch at Claridges yesterday

    We discussed how lonely life is without a political party, how deep is our moral crisis, wifeswapping, life peerages and oysters

    We have spoken…

    • 44
      D.Finkelstein & D.Aaranovitch says:

      Guido

      Since you have not given us our critical 23 seconds of fame today

      We would like to tell you that we had lunch at the Ritz yesterday

      We discussed how lonely life is without a political party, how deep is our moral crisis, wifeswapping, life peerages, oysters and el al flights

      We have spoken…

      • 51
        Andrew Rawnsley, Johann Hari, Lauri Penny, Andrew Pierce says:

        Guido

        Since you have not given us our critical 23 seconds of fame today

        We would like to tell you that we had lunch at the Ritz yesterday

        We discussed how lonely life is without a political party, how deep is our moral crisis, wifeswapping, life peerages, oysters and el al flights

        We have spoken…

      • 53
        A. Rusbridger and J. Ashley says:

        Sorry we missed you at the Ritz. We’re still in our second homes in the Cotswolds. Didn’t make it back from the gastro-pub after too much champers.

  17. 35
    Bill Croft Liverpool says:

    The introduction of plastic banknotes is bound to lead to an increase in money laundering.

  18. 36
    Mustapha Djinn says:

    Why should a politician need a laxative ? They spout shit most of the time. As for a sleeping pill, just read a collection of party conference speeches. Any party.

  19. 41
    Guido's confessor says:

    Have you gone Buddhist, my friend?

  20. 47
    Dave should resign now says:

    Referring to the sh!t storm heading towards Westminster ?

    Nice.

  21. 48
    Jihad watch says:

    University of Brimingham backs down on burka ban.

    Click, another notch.

    (Nothing on the web yet)

    • 56
      FFS says:

      The Muzrats have them surrounded. Banning the burka in Birmingham is like standing up in Mecca with a magephone and telling the passing citizens that their prophet was a child molestor. Top marks for having the balls to try it though.

      Personally I think the Muzrats are doing themselves no favours at all. The more loony they behave the more likely their own followers will turn away from them. However, it seems the mnore people turn away from Islam, the more loony the behave. It’s a viscous circle leading to an existential crisis if you ask me.

      • 59
        Casual Observer says:

        Their religion is founded on such lunacy.

        Only solution is for them to go.

        Radicalize and pay for a one way trip to somewhere like Syr!a. This is roughly what Saud! did to create mujah!deen in Afghan!stan back in the 80s and recently in Syr!a. Only make sure they do not survive this time.

  22. 55
    Anonymous says:

    Just Friday 13th.

  23. 57
    Eels says:

    it’s Ok, you just get a s**t nights sleep that’s all.

  24. 58
    Anonymous says:

    Rumour has it that the downing street team are struck down with this problem every wednesday about twelve noon and they don’t even take pills.

  25. 65
    Anonymous says:

    Hey Guido,

    Just FYI, reported that ad that’s taking up all your MPUs to the ASA for being inappropriate and the Police for hate speech.

    Thanks

  26. 73
    David Chappell says:

    Sounds like he had a Trainspotting night

  27. 75


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Dan Hodges on Team Miliband:

“‘Poisonous’, was the picture painted by one former senior advisor. ‘Dysfunctional,’ said one shadow cabinet member. ‘A bunch of medieval courtiers, not an office,’ said another. The most positive description I could get was ‘It’s a work in progress. They’re learning. Slowly. But they are learning.’”



Nick Clegg says:

Do you want lies with that?


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