September 9th, 2013

The Life of Andy Burnham, Starring Michael Le Vell

This one is definitely not coming soon to cinemas near you. As Guido reported in his Sun column yesterday, who did man-of-the-people Andy Burnham name as the actor he would choose to play him in a film of his life during an interview? “The bloke who plays Kevin Webster in Corrie”. That would be Michael Le Vell, the soap star in the dock over child sex abuse allegations. 


  1. 1
    Anonymous says:


  2. 2
    Yorkshire Ripper says:

    I’ll play him!

  3. 3
    A three year old says:

    Well!!! Fornicate with my ancient footwear.. Whoda thunkit?

  4. 4
    ℬilly ℬumshir℮ is the gr℮at℮st ℬumpir℮ ℮v℮r! says:


  5. 5
    A pub walked into a man says:

    Guido to be played by Michael Macintyre

  6. 6
    Wes says:

    To be fair it was in 2010, before any of the allegations came out.

  7. 7
    Bert the Builder says:

    Innocent until proven guilty.

  8. 8
    nellnewman says:

    Oh dear. militwit beaten up by the unions, balls beaten up by osborne and burnham sticking his head above the parapet to get it shot off again.

    One senses this may not be a good week for labour.

  9. 9
    nellnewman says:

    Oh dear. militwit be at en up by the unions, balls be at en up by osborne and burnham sti cking his head above the pa ra pet to get it sh ot off again.

    One senses this may not be a good week for labour.

  10. 10
    Josef Mengele says:

    Or I could play him. I’d be perfect for the part; like Andy Burnham, I killed lots of people in hospitals.

    Not as many as Andy killed, of course. But, you know..

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    So Maybeline is a pervert as well as a mass murderer. ( alledgedly )

  12. 12
    Just Saying. says:

    Who on earth would put the money up for a film on the short life of Burnham, only really known for his mishandling of the NHS and Stafford? – Oh wait!
    But then who would want to see it?

  13. 13
    nellnewman says:

    Shows a fair arrogance doesn’t it to think your life is worthy of a film?!

    Especially burnham who’s responsible for the deaths of so many patients.

  14. 14
    Fred West says:

    Quite so, Andy has not had his day in court yet.

  15. 15
    News Anchor says:

    David Cameron left his official ministerial box on a train table while he was travelling to York, on Saturday.

    Last year, the Prime Minister left his daughter behind in a pub, near Chequers. She was reunited with the family when Samantha Cameron went back after 15 minutes.

  16. 16
    Jimmy Savile says:

    Now then, I’d pay good money to see that.

  17. 17
    Diane Abbottomasbigasthemoon says:

    Don’t worry, I’ll save them. That’s what I do, you see. Save people. People such as the Syrians who gassed women and children. I saved them from attack. Thanks to me, nobody dies in Syria any more. Children (the ones who haven’t been gassed by the people I saved) laugh and frolic in fields full of candy, as candyfloss clouds rain Smarties on their happy smiling faces, and they dance and sing by the banks of rivers of flowing chocolate and everyone is happy.

    All thanks to me! Me me me me me!

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    Bit of a stutter, Nell ?

  19. 19
    GMB says:

    No big deal we forgot to pay Ed this year.

  20. 20
    Steve Miliband says:

    The part of the leader of the Labour Party will be played by Len McLuskey

  21. 21
    Fred West says:

    You’ll have to get past me first.

  22. 22
    jeff S says:

    le vell is innocent until proven guilty. burnham is a proven mass murderer

  23. 23
    nellnewman says:

    Obviously need more manuka honey!

  24. 24
    Teasy Weasy says:

    Liberace actually.

  25. 25
    Scouser steals Scotch says:

  26. 26
    Socialism is a severe mental illness says:

    Ah, but what if it’s a snuff movie that actually stars Andy Burnham? It could begin with the end of his life, where he’s hanging by a rope in his bedroom, and then it would skip back to the events that led to him taking his own life (his part in the slaughter of tens of thousands of NHS patients, for example).

    Then, we watch his mental health deteriorate as the magnitude of his crimes and incompetence weigh down upon him and, we get to the end of the film, we’d get to see him hang again! Twice the bang for your buck.

  27. 27
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    He left his spine, and his Conservative principles, behind back in 2010.

  28. 28
    ℬilly ℬumshir℮ is the gr℮at℮st ℬumpir℮ ℮v℮r! says:

    Dirty bitch.

  29. 29
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    “How Dave Could Win Second Vote | Matt Holehouse”

    Mass bribery?

  30. 30
    Dr Shipman says:

    I worked for Andy, I was an Assistant!

  31. 31
    Andrew Efiong says:

    What a plonker!

    Mind you Rowan Atkinson in Mr Bean mode could play half the Labour front bench!

  32. 32

    Errr. Who would want to pay to see such a film?

  33. 33
    Commie McCluskey says:

    ‘Forgot’ ??

    Tee hee!

  34. 34
    Dave says:

    Nothing wrong with my spine the doctors said it’ll be back to normal in a few months, now which side were we supporting in this Syrian civil war thingy?

  35. 35
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    He never had any.

  36. 36
    Jimmy Savile says:


  37. 37
    "Kevin Webster" says:

    I am horrified and disgusted to find my name linked with a proven mass killer.

  38. 38
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    Who else thinks Ardman animation should get the gig?

  39. 39
    ℬilly ℬumshir℮ is the gr℮at℮st ℬumpir℮ ℮v℮r! says:

    Oh I like the sound of that darling… twice the bang from a buck!

  40. 40
    Innocent Victim says:

    Two tickets for the stalls please

  41. 41
    Mr Tin Foil says:

    Another false flag?

  42. 42
    Sir William Waid says:

    House of Commons whisky, fermented in giant slush tuns, distilled with hot air, filtered through thick layers of flannel and matured in pork barrels.

  43. 43
    Ed Milibland says:

    I bottled it!

  44. 44
    Anonymous says:

    Burnham is a mass murderer?

    You utter moron.

  45. 45
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Note to Andy Burnham on the concept of negligence under English Law.

    Conduct that falls below the standards of behaviour established by law for the protection of others against unreasonable risk of harm. A person has acted negligently if he or she has departed from the conduct expected of a reasonably prudent person acting under similar circumstances.

  46. 46
    Burnt Ham says:

    Well, they do have a lot of common. Both have caused immense suffering and misery to innocent people. And they’re both ugly and talentless.

  47. 47
    geordieboy says:

    I thought Assad would have been the guy after all he doesn’t mind a bit of genocide.

  48. 48
    Anonymous says:

    Oh goody.

    An opportunity for the utter cretins who post on to post that Burnham is ‘a mass murderer’ and killed lots of people in hospitals.

    What a sick bunch of liars and morons you all are. Ideal readers of Guido though.

  49. 49
    Braindead Labour voting union member says:

    I would!

  50. 50
    Controversial says:

    Why not Tom Watson ?

  51. 51
    Sir William Waid says:

    He still hasn’t apologised for his dreadful negligence.

  52. 52
    Labour don't like it up em says:

    How’s things down at Labour HQ?

  53. 53
    Labour don't like it up em says:

    Is Labour HQ paying you to defend their horrific record? We know Labour would like people to forget that records and first hand witnesses prove Burnham ignored and covered up warnings about problems in hospitals because he and the rest of the Labour government were worried the revelations would embarrass them. That’s the party you’re defending, you witless c-unt. They put saving their own face ahead of the welfare of patients. So whilst elderly patients lay starving and dying in their own faeces, Blair and his pals were sipping champagne at fundraisers, like the fundraiser where Slotgob autographed a copy of the Hutton report into the death of Dr K. That’s the party you’re defending, a part of rank sociopaths. Now be a good chap and kill yourself.

  54. 54
    Tom Watson says:

    I’m too glamorous for that. I’m more your Hollywood sort of man.

  55. 55
    Harriet Harperson says:

    Claiming to share working-class tastes always ends in tears.

  56. 56
    Maybelline Burnahm says:

    What can you say? Responsible for the deaths of more British citizens that Al Qweeedo and the Taliban combined.

  57. 57
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Ecoloons says:

    Hope there will be some popcorn moments at 3.15pm today as the beeboid bastards Thompson,Patten etc. are under scrutiny by the Public Accounts Committee in Parliament :-)

  58. 58
  59. 59
    Labour don't like it up em says:

    Anything to say about the million dead in Iraq? Oh, wait, I remember now. When Labour does something, it’s ok. Good, I understand where you’re coming from. As you were.

  60. 60
    To be exact says:

    Le Vell is not charged. Michael Turner is.

  61. 61
    bergen says:

    Anon is correct. It was mass manslaughter.

  62. 62
    Kevin Webster says:

    The trouble started when Jimmy Saville came to the garage and said “can you fix it for me”

  63. 63
  64. 64
    Labour are Splitting says:

    But the offences he has been charged with apparently occurred 2001 to 2010, whilst Labour were in office.

  65. 65
    BBC Person says:

    We have decided it’s not in the public interest to show this live so BBC Parliament will be showing a repeat of Margaret Thatcher’s resignation speech.

  66. 66
    Francis Ford Coppola says:

    I am one up on you, Guido

    I have been asked to direct Godfather V, starring Tony Blair, Peter Mandelson and the Labour Mob who destroyed Britain

  67. 67
    bergen says:

    I doubt if Burnham is troubled by anything as sordid as a conscience.

  68. 68
    Anonymous says:

    Go and read the Keogh report you areshole.

    Burnham flagged up trusts causing concern in the HoC in Feb 2010 – some of those were in Keogh’s report…three years later.


    “Now be a good chap and kill yourself.”


  69. 69
    Wes says:

    He was asked the question

  70. 70
    Those were the days says:

    For the younger generation who did not have this great music

  71. 71
    Issac Hunt says:

    Why have none of the women in Corrie noticed that all the menfolk have started disappearing without explanation?

  72. 72
    Owen Jones says:

    Everybody hates me because I’m bisexual.

    Fuck ‘em all.

  73. 73
    Anonymous says:

    So Labour killed one million in Iraq?

    Noting to do with different factions of Muslims killing each other then?

    I bet you’re one of these Muslim-haters normally…except when it comes to Iraq and then it becomes Labour’s fault.

    You’re a disgusting piece of filth.

  74. 74
    Teasy Weasy says:

    Who gives a shit about Christians?

    It’s only if they start having a go at the Chosen People that we should get agitated.

  75. 75
    Don Corleone says:

    V? There hasn’t been a IV yet, Frankie.

  76. 76
    Teasy Weasy says:

    Didn’t stop you bouncing up and down on a big working class cock though did it?

    Posh birds always like a bit of rough.

  77. 77
    Anonymous says:

    Terry Fuckwit out of Viz is Guido’s double.

  78. 78
    Doris Stokes says:

    I’m getting a premonition about the next post

  79. 79
    Labour don't like it up em says:

    Falsified any dossiers lately, shit breath? Sent more troops to their deaths under-equipped? Held any more elderly Holocaust survivors under the prevention of terrorism act for heckling Jack Straw?

    I think Labour’s record and your willingness to defend it makes you a disgusting piece of shit stained vomit.

  80. 80
    Expect a blackout says:

    I was wondering at what time there will be a convenient transmission failure, like the last time.
    3.15 it is then….

  81. 81
    Harriet Harperson says:

    Oh you naughty man.

  82. 82
    Labour don't like it up em says:

    Look, I know it’s embarrassing for Labour that it’s been exposed as a criminal outfit peopled by liars and crooks (how’s Margaret Moran by the way?) but seriously, get yourself a job and stop sitting in Labour HQ trolling on boards to defend the indefensible. 1,200 died at Mid Staffs under Labour. Hewitt, Burnham and Johnson did fuck all. You’re a tribalist who will defend anything Labour does. Kinda like that c-unt who emailed that September 11 was a good day to bury bad news. Now, kindly go kill yourself. Ta.

  83. 83
    the money shot says:


  84. 84
    Will says:

    that’s unfair on Mr Bean. One is a successful comic creation earning millions of pounds for this country from overseas. The labour front bench is costing us lots of money and not funny.

    As for ed balls slashing motion at question time, for heavens sake wont someone give him a sharp knife so he can do a proper job and save the country some money. (only joking my legal eagles)

  85. 85
    Fishy says:

    Unite the Union, in association with Mark Serwotka Interests bring you a Bruvvers production of


    Based on an original screenplay of William Shakespeare’s ‘Much ado about Nothing’

    Starring :

    Mike and Bernie Winters as David and Ed Miliband

    Mr Pastry as Gordon Brown

    Johnny Vegas as Political Commissar Len McClunky

    Dr Harold Shipman as Andy Burnham

    Miranda as Jack Dromey

    Baron Hardup as Liam Byrne

    HM The Queen as Lady La-di-la Harriet Hypocretia Harm-men

    Jedward as Mr and Mrs Balls

    ……And introducing Chris Huhne as Tony Bliar

  86. 86
    Judge Dreadful says:

    The correct charges are conspiracy to murder and crimes against humanity.

  87. 87
    Pol Pot says:

    Surely it should be me? I’m a fellow socialist revolutionary afterall.

  88. 88
    A. Pierrepoint says:

    I do like a happy ending, but please don’t give away the suspense

  89. 89
    and to think he thought he could be prime minister says:

    Burnham’s a broken man, he will never come to terms with the number of people his beloved NHS killed on his watch.

  90. 90
    Philip Space says:

    Perhaps The Mirror guy realised that a recreation on another train of the life and times of Jean Charles De Menezes would not a good idea.

  91. 91
    The Plod, too politically biased to do their jobs says:

    ‘You are under arrest’

  92. 92
    Maybe Maybelline says:

    Maybe he was born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline

  93. 93
    goggzilla says:

    Jonesy we would pass you round as currency in The Big House;)

  94. 94
    S.B.S. says:

    Paedophiles, Politicians cover up’s = the same thing, Dunblain cover up. George Robertson, Grenville Janner, and many many more.

  95. 95
    Harriet Harperson says:

    Nah, it’s yer big gob, Motormouth, on and on and on and on and on ….

  96. 96
    Anne Arquist says:

    Some years ago when Labour was in charge of “educashun” a survey asked teenage girls to name a Great British Engineer. The top answer was Corrie’s car mechanic Kevin Webster….played by Michael Le Vell.

  97. 97
    cured lefty says:

    I declare you the winner!

  98. 98
    Gideon says:

    Andy Burnham has time to watch that rubbish, it’s as bad as East Enders

  99. 99
    Gideon says:

    Savile was active far longer, Home (con), McMillan (con), Wilson (lab), Heath (con), Wilson (lab) again, Callaghan (lab), Thatcher (con) long time, Major (con), B’Liar (lab), maybe Brown (lab) given the chance but probably in his dotage.

  100. 100
    Rtd Colonel says:

    Guess Mengeles not available – how about (Colour/Age blind casting Mugabe)

  101. 101
    Rtd Colonel says:

    Sadly though more than 20 seconds to comply

  102. 102
    Rtd Colonel says:

    Is it just me or is serial obfuscation and hypocrisy a viral labour malady – Paedo supporting Hewitt, All women shortlist Harriet/jack, bog standard comp school champion Abbott, Blair, Clegg, Harriet/Jack, Dame (Saint) Shirley), at least I can rely on the good old BBC to keep me informed on such things – DOH

  103. 103
    Rtd Colonel says:

    Not been on bBBC for a while – Mark Thompson’s return to PAC reduced your per word rate for that gig?

  104. 104
    jeff S says:

    1% of stafford executed in only 5 years. mainly conservative and ukip voters. you can’t really believe it was an accident?

    postal vote rigging was on purpose.

    mass immigration was on purpose.

    the killing fields of staffordshire was on purpose

  105. 105
    Awaiting moderation/ censorship says:

    The million dead in Iraq were chiefly as a result of war . Now you could blame lots of people from George Bush to Saddam Hussein for this. There are a hundred thousand dead in Iraq in a war all of whom according to the BBC and assorted war mongers are due to Assad.
    Thats unbiased reporting for you.

  106. 106
    Shapps=shitehawk says:

    Who would Leon Brittan get to play him? Given that Alistair Crowley, Vlad the Impaler, Jimmy SaVILE and King Herod are all dead the field is pretty bare.
    Might i suggest any politician who is involved, or has been involved, in the abuse of individuals under the cloak of immunity enjoyed by far too many in our corrupt and corrupting society.
    Whilst you (guido) sit on your fat poncey ass and think of another way to undermine your political enemies could you not take time and ask some questions of the types you mingle with? I’m sure these people, of whom i’m sure have decent folk amongst them, about what’s went on and going on with “the pervert class”

  107. 107
    Bert the Builder says:

    Yep, and now found innocent of all charges, unlike Burnham will be.

  108. 108
    Bert the Builder says:

    you won’t need to be horrified any more Kev as you’re not guilty.

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