September 6th, 2013

International Diplomacy Twitter Style


  1. 1
    Anonymous says:


  2. 2
    Sir Bumley Foghorn MP (Much Ranting in the Shires) says:

    And Smith talks with extensive knowledge of real tossers, having to come into contact with ministers on a regular basis.

  3. 3
    Fubar says:

    Beware of pointy umbrellas and glowing packages…

  4. 4
    Sandra in Accounts says:

    As opposed to Cameron the flaccid fop?

  5. 5
  6. 6
    Vlad "Brass Balls" Putin says:

    Da, tvoyu mat smithski

  7. 7
    Child of E.T. says:

    Twitter users should be banned from their 15 minutes of dubious fame.
    Most just confirm that they are idiots.

  8. 8
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Henry Smith confirms that all MP’s have to check their brains in reception when first entering the House. Not only a tosser, but an arse-licking tosser.

  9. 9
    He's had his 2 minutes of fame says:

    This is the only notable thing that this man has ever said

    Apart from being A Ciuef Bottle Washer on the Sussex Downs

    Some people don’t even warrant two minutes of fame

    Next thread please Micro Guido…

  10. 10
    Director of the Tour de France says:

    They should be obliged to take dope tests as well

    Given the results of the Commons Bogs Investigations…

  11. 11
    Gideon says:

    Damn, I knew I shouldn’t have had that last line.

  12. 12
    Sir William Wade says:

    And a closet gay?

  13. 13
    Dr Freud said all women suffer from penis envy says:

    Perhaps it is a qustion of

    Physician cure thyself

  14. 14
    Tony E says:

    Putin isn’t just any tosser – he’s a dangerous Soviet era KGB tosser with a homicidal attitude towards dissenters including journalists, opposing politicians and businessment who don’t share his ‘vision’.

    Putin is probably more dangerous for the world than any Soviet leader since Leonid Brezhnev who invaded Afghanisan, or maybe even Nikita Khruschev who famously wanted to put Soviet nukes in Cuba.

    He’s not some crazy dictator though – he’s a very smart Russian nationalist Dicatator and he never does anything without a purpose. He’s a 1st class bastard who we should be very wary of.

  15. 15
    Bilda Berger says:

    Putin plays chess, Obama plays chequers, and Cameron plays with himself.

  16. 16
    A taxpayer says:

    That guy is well worth his massive salary and pension package. Did he have a researcher working day and night on that tweet for him?

  17. 17
    Lady Fenella Snortingale (UKIP) says:

    Only we true Brits are allowed to call Cameron that. What do you mean, Parkers French/Irish?

  18. 18
    Lord Cashpoint and the barrow boys says:

    It’s cash that makes the world go round

    the world go round

    Top of the morning to you Guido…

  19. 19
    Sir William Wade says:

    Britain is not a small island but a large one, the ninth largest in the world.

  20. 20
    War war not jaw jaw says:

    Not very different from the war criminal neo cons

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    Quite why Brezhnev gets condemned for invading Afghanistan I am not sure. On that basis a rather large number of world leaders past and present are very dangerous.

  22. 22
    I see Putins observation and raise him 100 says:

    Not only an increasingly insignificant little island but one stuffed with thick natives and shitloads of colonists.

  23. 23
    Anonymous says:

    And good morning to the Putin of Belize.

  24. 24
    Traffic warden says:


    Over populated and obvously with far too many vehicles

    Or are they just inimating Dave, to encourage him in Russia?

  25. 25
    Anonymous says:

    And how are the plans going for a reunion with Martin Webster in Moscow?

  26. 26

    Off across the Alps shortly to get some September swimming in the Adriatic. My sockpuppet could try the Serpentine…

  27. 27
    Uncle Joe says:

    He’s a pussy cat compared to me. You know what I’d do with the G20 don’t you? Go on have a guess! And then I’d show you how to deal with ‘terrorists’ and ‘non-productive elements of the working class’.

  28. 28
    Our EU membership fee: 20 billion reasons to vote UKIP says:

    Putin? A tosser? Maybe.

    Unlike “Cast Iron” Dimmy Dave, who gives £20billion every year to the EU. And £11billion “foreign aid”, every year, to countries with space programmes. Whilst hiking taxes and cutting spending here in the UK. The same Dimmy Dave who won’t re-asses business rates, leaving companies (employers) to go to the wall.

    And let’s not forget his green taxes and VAT hikes.

    And giving P45s to soldiers in Afghanistan.

    Not a tosser at all.

  29. 29
    Dirty Desmondo, Guido's friend says:

    I think this man is projecting

    There is so much tossing off going on in Parliament that they are our best customers

  30. 30
    Dirty Desmondo, Guido's friend says:

    As if anyone could give a tuppenny fuck…

  31. 31
    jack the Lad says:

    If the cap fits brother!

  32. 32
    Fact inserter says:

    Here is video of Putin tossing a man:

  33. 33

    Someone threatened to lamp me if I came back to the UK so I have tried to oblige them by giving generous clues as to my whereabouts over the last month.

    If that person happened to be you then you are merely showing yourself up to be an ingrate of the very first order.

  34. 34
    Sandra in Accounts says:


  35. 35
    ivan the even worse says:

    what does mr smith intend to do when he grows up?

  36. 36
    Blair is a warmonger says:

    If Putin isn’t going to join in this madness
    backing the al-Qaeda Syrian rebels, he
    can say what the hell he likes.

    He knows about fighting Islamic extremists
    in Chechnya.The West would be wise to listen
    instead of engaging in playground insults.

  37. 37
    Tony Blair, Middle East War Envoy says:

    Don’t be rude about my chum Vlad

    I have just phoned him to say that as, Preident of Europe, I am now recommending a diplomatic slap on the wrist because the people have rejected me

    In the meantime, I am tooting around the Med, completely out of my fucking head

  38. 38
    DAVE Fuckwit CAMERMONG says:

    Good job you are here and not in Russia , you Toff Tit

    He’d certainly toss you about a bit if he got hold of you
    Being a marshal arts expert

  39. 39
    Historian says:

    When I first used the expression >Vlad the Impaler

    I was referring to this lovely guy

    But I do like Vlad ther Inhaler as well

    Though I suspect he inhales (or toots) less than Western leaders…

  40. 40
    Herne_the_Hunter says:

    Are you still wearing that ridiculous suit?

  41. 41
    DAVE Fuckwit CAMERMONG says:

    Just about sums me up What !

  42. 42
    Bob Bob Bobbing, Bad Ass Campbell's hero says:

    You mean that you are so important that Alastair Campbell threatened to lamp you

    Like he lamped Sir Shyte White on my behalf?

  43. 43
    Kim Jong-un says:

    Of course, the guy who threw Putin is currently practicing his kicks at a salt mine in Siberia

  44. 44
    You can put wings on a pig, but you don't make it an eagle. says:

  45. 45
    DAVE Fuckwit CAMERMONG says:

    No wonder there was an accident , with all those people wandering about in the road

  46. 46
    Rob says:

    My expensive safety feature for this bridge: when you can’t see more than 10 yards, slow down.

    Can I have £4m please?

  47. 47
    Village Idiot says:

    ….The biggest disaster to walk the world stage was/is Tony Blair????????

  48. 48
    Vladdy says:

    I know where all the bodies are buried. You could be next.

  49. 49
    Tony Blair says:

    Do you mind? It costs millions to work up a tan like mine.

  50. 50
    Russian barrista says:

    Some Polonium-210 in your latte, Mr Smith?

  51. 51
    Observer says:

    Paying no taxes? Must be Lichtenstein.

  52. 52
    Bill Clinton, getting filthy rich says:

    “When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t inhale and never tried it again.”

  53. 53
    George Smiley says:

    He still has my cigarette lighter.

  54. 54
    Woodward and Bernstein says:

    You changed to coke then Bill?

  55. 55
    Casual Observer says:

    I’m sure Put!n’s been called worst.

    But this is really not going to help Dave’s case.

    So when Dave gets back, assuming he avoids a Polonium supper, he should kick Henry’s arse around Westminster publicly for that tweet.

  56. 56
    Sheriff says:

    I’ve got a marshal’s badge too. Wyoming county.

  57. 57
    NIMBY opponents of fracking in England says:

    We, the NIMBY opponents of fracking in England, are hellbent on preventing the UK from developing its own shale gas industry.

    We are quite happy for the UK to become increasingly energy-insecure and dependent on Russian gas supplies.

    We love the anti-fracking reportage from the Russia Today (RT) channel:

  58. 58
    Tony Blair says:

    Bomb that bridge

  59. 59
    Liblabcons are shit says:

    Eagles led by a rubber chicken will do so much better.

  60. 60
    Bob the Builder says:

    Where is Engineer when we need him?

  61. 61
    Vladdy says:

    Keep up the good work. There’s a fiver under that plastic stone behind you.

  62. 62
    Malcolm Rifkind, neo con warmonger says:

    I love Lichtenstein

    I even take cash off their banks

  63. 63
    Just Sayin' says:

    This would never have happened under Thatcher.

    Just Sayin’

  64. 64
    green ink says:

    come in no 7 use your own moniker ..

    relay from last nights conversation better placed here than on the porn piece…

    Vlad the Inhaler says:
    September 5, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    Vlad’s latest uk jibe suggests we are a small
    island no-one listens to
    …. not nice …

    Realpolitik says:
    September 5, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    Has Dave been winding him up about the LGBT stuff ?

    green ink says:
    September 5, 2013 at 7:13 pm

    no Vlads chuffed we’ve been neutered by the commons vote … he thinks its time to take the world stage again .. new age no style ‘tsaresque’ in manner … to face off against Obama whilst we’re sidelined.

    truth is of course hes got so much trouble sitting in his own back garden he needs to play the ‘hands off’ card as often as possible.

    no-one wants to get involved in Syria .. frankly its a can of worms and it could end up being run by worse .. but chemical weapons are something that cannot be acceptable in any sense and it is risible that the vote has closed down the options we have … rank expediency borne of a lightweight miliband … how can agreeing to a second vote prior to any action be rushing to war.

    Realpolitik says:
    September 5, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    Dave was going to raise the domestic LGBT Russ!an law stuff with Put!n. That would probably not go down to well.

    As for Syr!a, the Russ!ans and US / UN have credibility on this matter, more so the UN and Russ!a.

    Dave’s ‘we have growing evidence’ line is making the case for war by implication. After the dodgy dossier of !raq, UK evidence is incredible. The US evidence is currently under deep scrutiny, and it is looking like Kerry was lying in most of his earlier pronouncements.

    The US State Department is ‘tainted’ at present.

    The UK Parliament has spoken on the issue.

    One suspects Dave has miscalculated Obama’s strategy and motives on this matter, and is still trying to play to the old script for whatever reason.

    The one thing he did not get is that when Parliament voted his motion down last week, most of the geopolitical landscape and alliance structures the UK used to enjoy also changed with it.

    He needs now to think along the UKIP line as he and more importantly the UK cannot rely on the charity of others in the world for the time being.

    The Conservative party likely realize this. One hopes they are preparing a new leader in time for his return.

    David Aaranovitch, character assassin says:
    September 5, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    I wrote of the Iraq War in 2003: “If nothing is eventually found, I – as a supporter of the war – will never believe another thing that I am told by our government, or that of the US ever again. And, more to the point, neither will anyone else. Those weapons had better be there somewhere”

    green ink says:
    September 5, 2013 at 7:40 pm

    the LGBT issue has already passed.. a senior diplomat said all would be well and it was a misunderstanding … yeah right but the home audience is one ear the rest of the world the other so anything is possible.

    the meaning of your statement ‘the uk cannot rely on the charity of others in the world for the time being’ eludes me.

    whatever our views politically it is quite wrong that we as a nation should be sidelined in meeting the issues of chemical weapons head-on .no ifs no buts no second chances.

    this is not and never was a situation comparable to Iraq and the dodgy dossier fiasco.

    blair and bush et al are the past .. no one can sensibly claim this government would seriously try to base any action on such unsound
    ground after that nightmare.

    Jack says:
    September 5, 2013 at 7:57 pm

    It most certainly is similar to Iraq in that there is clearly no plan

    What if Syria attacks , srael ?

    Or iran intervenes?

    Or Hesbollah?

    Or the Russian Navy.

    This is ten times more dangerous than Iraq

    green ink says:
    September 5, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    sorry jack I do not disagree this scenario has a whole complex of potential problems and hence the reluctance of anyone to get involved until assad played into the hands of interventionists by pulling out the chemical weapons card .. in doing so he closed the door on an immunity based handover (however distaceful that might bein reality) and get away with his life … that option is now dead in the water and now its not a matter of how its just when he finally bites the dust…. frankly a la gaddafyduck style preferably.

    Realpolitik says:
    September 5, 2013 at 8:25 pm

    The issue of charity relates more to the credit and good will which is extended towards the UK, and which some in the UK may take for granted. In particular this is extended from the US, and it is clear that the nature of that relationship has evolved.

    Being sidelined on the issue of CW ? Unless this directly affected UK interests or people then it is not the UKs concern. The UK was involved in the supply of pre-cursor agents, but then so were many other nations, and the dual use nature removes any hint of credible responsibility for us.

    Bla!r / Bush are in the past, but Bla!r has been very actively involved in the Syr!a issue / middle east affairs to date. That involvement will be known intimately by all at the table, probably less so by Cameron. As a result, that episode is far from off the table.

    In part the compromising of the UKs position on this important issue is part of the real legacy of Bla!r.

    Don’t read any of my remarks as being of a partisan party nature.

    Cameron is weak on the international scene. Always has been. His style of politic is simply dysfunctional in power politic situations such as Syr!a.

    Put!ns remarks will not be out of nowhere.

    Such expressions should not be considered personally, however should be reflective of Cameron’s management of the relationship with Russ!a at this time.

    In the real world, a country which does not respect its own cultural identity, or indeed its sovereignty, will not command respect. A country with a leader who is perceived weak will command contempt. Particularly if that country continually tries to interfere directly in the internal affairs of others.

    Put!n could be signalling that the International Socialist Order which the UK does promote is over. Obama for sure seems to be indicating that he is no longer interested in that.

    Or perhaps he just finds Cameron’s rhetoric irritating and disrespectful in the face of the real terms concessions which Russ!a has already made with respect Syr!a / !ran.

    green ink says:
    September 5, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    Don’t agree charity has nothing to do with business and the relationship with the US is very deeply set and certainly not diminished by the developments in the commons. duplicitous political expediency caused us to remove an option we should have retained and would have done with a second vote option. To say the relationship has evolved is absolutely true but that does not suggest we are not still considered to be their strongest ally… and indeed them us.

    Absolutely disagree chemical weapons are an issue that has to be met head-on no ifs no buts. One can realistically expect that we developed many of the worst but their use now is totally unacceptable and must be dealt with not ignored regardless of the history.

    Bla!r / Bush are in the past, but Bla!r has been very actively involved in the Syr!a issue / middle east affairs to date. That involvement will be known intimately by all at the table, probably less so by Cameron. As a result, that episode is far from off the table.

    Blair is a busted flush politically and influence-wise .. the results of his middle east initiatives are zilch and his credentials so blown after the Iraq debacle its no suprise. It is only because of that fiasco and his cabal of dossier promoter’s ducking and diving that we’re sidelined.

    I don’t

    Cameron is not a great orator but his rationale is sound and his sense and belief that this country should be counted on to confront these type of issues well grounded.

    Nonsense .. Putin has said these sort of things about most that continue to mention the concerns many have for the way he deals with the rebel causes he has in his own backyard and is purely exploiting our international neutering with as much relish as his home audience can garner.

    I’ll pass on that thesis.

    I’m struggling to think what possible concession Putin has made to date over anything .. if you mean soften his condemnation of intervention now that chemical weapons have been used .. perhaps but only to deflect from his own culpability in so many spheres from Iran to you name it. This is one cute operator … from one time st petersburg fixer to kgb to president twice with a wad of oligarchs knuckled to suit and a population so controlled they are stuck with it for the foreseeable future ad nauseum.

    One wonders who you would like to see as Pm.

    green ink says:
    September 5, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    sorry Realpolitik I failed to point out the third para was quoting you

    Realpolitik says:
    September 5, 2013 at 10:54 pm

    The concessions Put!n has made include cancelling and destroying weapons systems which were purchased by !ran and Syr!a – S300 in particular.

    Also, he has been very calm on the issue of NMD being put in along his borders over recent years: an overtly hostile development.

    The backyard issues can be legitimately raised. People seem to have forgotten about the che’chen terrorist incident in a theater. That this is not being raised in current context is curious.

    This I suspect has been raised with a whole raft of other contentious bones by the US behind closed doors, there is a laundry list.

    Note: The UK did not argue for intervention in Russ!a back then over that, or what was happening in Che’chnya itself. R2P was in place, so why not ?

    Put!n is playing to the crowd, and what he is doing is showing strong leadership. This is likely more calculated to weaken Obama’s position and divide US / UK.

    The CW debate is a distraction.

    Their use can only be discouraged. They are no worst than FAEs or hollow point rounds. Arguably more humane as they kill faster with less suffering in the field.

    Their only problem is that they are somewhat indiscriminate and a pain to clean up. But why are thermobaric weapons not treated in the same way ? These were used extensively to ‘clear’ areas in Afghan!stan, and are arguably more indiscriminate. Cluster munitions same deal.

    Discouraging such use by indiscriminate attack not based on clear confirmed fact is wrong. In fact such an attack constitutes a war crime in this situation.

    Considering that the primary objective in this theater and of these actions is explicitly non-humanitarian the whole use of CW justification cheapens that separate debate.

    As there is no replacement government, and the attack was being considered without any credible evidence or even completion and analysis of evidence gathered, any and all humanitarian motivation is discredited.

    The UK only confirmed today that Sar!n was present in the samples it claims to have from the incident. Parliament was being asked to vote a week ago.

    Hammond was on the BBC demonstrating he did not even know who Parliament were voting to attack on the evening of the vote. This implies the MoD did not know for sure who used CW, as they did not know which government they were considering launching strikes against.

    My preference for PM in UK is not particularly relevant.

    It is more relevant to ask if the UK feels that its current PM is representing its national interests adequately and if the current PM is providing good domestic governance and reflection of the views of the UK people.

    green ink says:
    September 6, 2013 at 12:51 am

    sorry Real missed your reply earlier and using an iPad is so irritating will do so in the morning.

    green ink says:
    September 6, 2013 at 9:29 am

    I just don’t see Putin as having been helpful in any sense nor can we expect him to be …whether it be iran h’bollah syria venezuela cuba et al… he has passed beyond seeking power to now wanting ‘Vlad the great’ status at home in a nation that is so thwarted socially the only resonating role he knows has the necessary combination of role model and tyrant is new-age stalin with a non stylish twist of quasi tsar.

    Your comments regarding type of arms and the varying degrees of
    nasty factor are very fair comment and I agree attributing responsibility is fraught with problems.

    Your point questioning why we didn’t demand intervention in his own backyard problems eludes me …the question of georgia is the area I think he got closest to the bone but the chechnya problems drew sympathy after the school and theatre incidents.

    Given you denegrate cameron’s performance so much its a surprise you don’t have an alternative preference.

    The fact remains he is the PM we have in situ and as such I would prefer him to have a full set of options available at this juncture however unpalatable the effects of that reality might be.

  65. 65
    One Careful Owner says:

    If the guys in front had been driving a bit faster they would have got out of the way of the ones coming up behind

  66. 66
  67. 67
    Eco Nazi says:

    The sooner we get to year zero the sooner we can return to survival of the fittest.
    I could do a roaring trade selling southern fried bingo wings.

  68. 68
    A Handbag says:

    She wouldn’t have wasted her time at a G20 meeting for starters.

  69. 69
    Life's too short says:

    Too long.

  70. 70
    Anglo Saxon says:

    Why are we giving aid to Muslim countries? If Muslim is such a great religion, I have yet to hear of the oil rich Gulf states using their wealth to help their own?

  71. 71
    Observer says:

    Typo: Liechtenstein.

  72. 72
    Calidius Eroticus says:


  73. 73
    Labour...mendacious expedient sociopaths says:

    airbrain whose intellect and snide hardly soars except with her co scum

  74. 74
    Van Clegg says:

    I’ve got a dutch cap my granny gave it tome.

  75. 75
    jmf says:

    Phuck off you know it was Karla

  76. 76
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Cut out Eric Pickles tours The USA

    Coming soon cut out of Gordon Brown makes the journey from Kirkcaldy to Westminster.

  77. 77
    jmf says:

    Don’t be silly they cant give them cos the do not have G@y Marriage

  78. 78
    Just saying says:

    Have you ever tried typing the name ‘Nadine’ into an iphone? The predictive / corrective text automatically changes it to ‘Mad One’. Just saying.

  79. 79

    Why are you obsessed with importance rather what people say? Things that are said or done are important. People are normally less so and I include myself here.

  80. 80
    Mr Slater's Parrot says:


  81. 81
    green ink says:

    Two inteviews last night were quite revealing of the stock response to anything that has an element of critque of the Russians.

    Gorby suggesting the interviewers 10 minutes were up when he wouldn’t discuss putin’s position and the former yeltsin adviser both appearing on newsnight used the same ploy.

    Gorby started by very sensibly suggesting that it would take Putin and Obama moving towards each other to rise above the melee and co-ordinate their efforts to stop the bloodshed and preferably not resort to military intervention but then went on to avoid answering the underlying question as to motivation for Putin reducing the scenario to insult exchange.

    The former Yeltsin aide carried no brief to engage positively in any sense and even when flattered by the american diplomat over his/their national role in the Dayton Accords process and their actions in positively engendering resolution of the conflict still wouldn’t concede any potential progress being made viz Syria.

  82. 82
    Lady Britain says:

    agree too long but balance best served by including the whole thread of debate

  83. 83
    The EU is croques (de merde) monsieur says:

    Russia have their own problem with Muslim terrorists (Chechnya) so why should Putin support Al Qaeda in Syria?

  84. 84
    Watch itmagain says:

    Bollocks….that American was an arrogant cùnt who wouldn’t let the Russian explain his position

  85. 85
    DAVE Fuckwit CAMERMONG says:

    Now available in paperback !

  86. 86
    JAMES BROWN says:

    Take it to the bridge !

  87. 87
    JAMES BROWN says:

    Whats up no rugs to munch ?

  88. 88
    Tojo says:

    Putin understands that which eludes the others, a State run by a Religion and the Region it is in….. does any one really think exported democracy will replace Islam…. dream on

  89. 89
    Dave C. says:

    Insightful analysis by Smith aman obviously intended for high office.

  90. 90
    The truth is out there now says:

    ‘just a small island no one pays any attention to’


  91. 91
    To Be Honest says:

    Smith is a pratt and has just confirmed it. This Country is bust thanks to the Communist Labour Party and it is being led by a bunch of not normal people who’s strings are being pulled by the World puppet Masters.

    All will change with the down fall of the puppet masters and the arrest of politicians for TREASON, must bring back the Death sentence for that, now I wonder who had the death penalty removed for treason, was it a certain Mr War Crimes Blair ? and I wonder why ?

  92. 92
    Penfold says:

    Surely he means Uchi Mata and was referring to judo:-

  93. 93
    green ink says:

    unjust comment …she wasn’t the kindest but she spoke the truth re the man’s past involvement in a well accepted accord process and in saying so she gave him every opportunity to at least demonstrate some element of diplomacy as a route to solving the problems … instead he stuck to uncle joe cliches

  94. 94
    Led Zeppelin says:

    “Can you…can you see the bridge?”

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Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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