Live from St Petersburg at 2am, the main event of the evening. In the blue corner, the Warrior from Witney, David Cameron. In the red corner the Lubyanka Lion, Vladimir Putin. Round one was taken by the Putin, via his spokesperson:

“Britain is just a small island, no one pays any attention to them, except oligarchs who bought Chelsea football club.”

Round two goes to wam bam thank you Cam:

“Britain may be a small island, but I would challenge anyone to find a country with a prouder history, a bigger heart or greater resilience.”

Worth pointing out our bigger economy as well. Round three, seconds out…

UPDATE: The gloves are off, but how do they compare without their shirts?