September 6th, 2013

International Bitch Fight: Cameron v Putin

Live from St Petersburg at 2am, the main event of the evening. In the blue corner, the Warrior from Witney, David Cameron. In the red corner the Lubyanka Lion, Vladimir Putin. Round one was taken by the Putin, via his spokesperson:

“Britain is just a small island, no one pays any attention to them, except oligarchs who bought Chelsea football club.”

Round two goes to wam bam thank you Cam:

“Britain may be a small island, but I would challenge anyone to find a country with a prouder history, a bigger heart or greater resilience.”

Worth pointing out our bigger economy as well. Round three, seconds out…

UPDATE: The gloves are off, but how do they compare without their shirts?


  1. 1
    Churchill says:

    Britain has a proud history but a grim future under EU glove puppet spine dear boy!

  2. 2
    Herman van Rumpboy says:

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron had such a choice of responses

    from the personal: “I can see almost all of your bald shiny head from up here”
    to the plain cruel: “At least its not a Kleptocracy whose friends the Americans routinely bomb”

  4. 4
    The Mayor of Whitney says:

    Please leave us out of this

    We are peaceful people

    It is the fault of all those hooligans in the Chippinng Norton Set

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    I know you’re an avid reader when you’re not photoshopping your homoerotic pictures. How many billionaires in the world want to live in Russia?

  6. 6
    Tosser Dave says:

    Vladimir. Forget wars, chemical weapons and financial crises. What is crucially important is the endless promotion of gay rights — I’m really motivated by them.

  7. 7
    Jemima Clarkdaughter says:

    Too right. Get out of my way Dave, you loser.

  8. 8
    The Defence of the Realm Starts at Home says:

    What a waste of time these bragging contests are. David Cameron should stop wasting his breath, come back to the UK right now and start sorting out our country.

    My borough is infested with illegal immigrants who are invading every square inch of space. We are being invaded. Cameron should defend these islands first and stop worrying about what is going on in Syria or what other ‘leaders’ think of him.

  9. 9
    Fact inserter says:

    World Bank Population projections

    2010: 141.7 millon
    2050: 124.3 million (down 12%)

    United Kingdom
    2010: 62.2 million
    2050: 71.5 million (up 15%)

    We’re catching up… partly thanks to the Russians emigrating to the UK!

  10. 10
    Grumpy Old Man says:


  11. 11
    Mr Peskov says:

    Britain is just a small island… no one pays any attention to them.

  12. 12
    Dave - the sodomites' friend says:

    Get with the project Vlad – there’s no fun like cock and bum fun.

  13. 13
    2112 says:

    If Putin were any further in the closet he’d be in Narnia!

  14. 14
    The Defence of the Realm Starts at Home says:

    Those figures are bunkum. The part of London I live in has been overrun by illegal immigrants and the official statistics are out by a good 10-15%

  15. 15

    Almost the whole world is going to be taught English as at least a second language in the future.

    How many people speak Russian?

  16. 16
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Look at those Russian population figures again. Just shows what 100 years of Marxism can do for a country.

  17. 17
    Lord_Hard says:

    Not even the FSB (KGB)

  18. 18
    Fact inserter says:

    How do you know that they’re illegal? Have you asked them for documentation? Or do they just have that telltale ‘illegal’ look about them?

  19. 19
    Aaron D Highside says:

    Agreed – brilliant! Nearly as good with the EU logo replaced by the Labour Party logo.

  20. 20
    Casual Observer says:

    Cameron is playing to the home crowd.

    Put!n was playing to the world.

    Big difference, and makes Put!n’s original point.

    This is precisely the rhetoric one would expect from Nigel with difference that Nigel would be credible. Nigel would not concede that Britain is a small !sland. It is not. That is the language of the Euro mongs.

    But Britain is showing resilience against pursuing Cameron’s desire for an illegal war in Syr!a, and support is growing for UKIP, so Dave is right on one point.

    Dave doing a Miliband at the G-20 is a propaganda fail.

  21. 21
    Gideon says:

    “We’re catching up… partly thanks to the Russians emigrating to the UK!” only the rich ones and folks from the old KGB and the like

  22. 22
    Tchaikovsky, Nureyev,Nijinsky amongst others says:

    Homosexuality is completely unknown in the motherland.

  23. 23
    Lord_Hard says:

    Thats why today (and for today only) I shall be proudly wearing my string vest, and getting my deck chair out, to a chorus of “Rule Cameronia” whilst sipping a Pimms.
    Hopefully it will be topped out with a Spitfire flypast. Just to make me feel more patriotic.

  24. 24
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    The Russians are now flatly denying that any such remark was made. Our ethical MSM journos wouldn’t possibly make up such a story, would they?

  25. 25
    Russia is the winner says:

    Men Marry Men in the UK

    Men are Men in Russia.

    Slam Dunk.

  26. 26
    Fat Eck (founding father of the nation) says:

    If I have my way, the UK will be even smaller, and only part of a small island!

  27. 27
    Banksters ripping out hearts says:

  28. 28
    Gideon says:

    How do explain China sunbeam?

  29. 29
    Last White Man says:

    And the so called legal ones as well, get rid of the lot, I,am fed up being tolerent.

  30. 30
  31. 31
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Wouldn’t work unless there was a big foot between the big gun and the banker.

  32. 32
    Fact inserter says:

    Shouldn’t we be welcoming immigrants who are wealthy (oligarchs) or who are highly trained professionals with marketable skills (KGB)?

  33. 33
    Aaron D Highside says:

    Fixing the aftermath of the socialist dream is going to take more guts than any of our current ‘leaders’ have displayed.

  34. 34
    Robert Mugabe says:

    I dont care if they are “legal or illegal”get them back to the shitholes they came from, rather than bring this country down to their level i.e. the 7th century.

  35. 35
    Mystic_Maggie says:

    The road to Tehran is thwart with many obstacles, that shall eventually be overcome…

    (another card says: beware the FOOL and the dog at his heels)

  36. 36
    Gideon says:

    Putin has just been elected and Dave within 8 months will know if he stands a chance at the next GE

  37. 37
    Albert Bigot says:

    Oh you know you can tell just by looking at them!

  38. 38
    Fact inserter says:

    Famine deaths resulting from Mao’s Great Leap Forward are estimated at 20-40 million

  39. 39
    Mad_Cockeye says:

    As in Motorcycles…?

  40. 40
    It takes a Mexican to see the TRUTH says:

  41. 41
    Bob Fleming says:

    I’ve had the misfortune to travel to Russia on business a few times in the last 20 years and a more repulsive, corrupt, seedy shithole is hard to imagine, outside of the usual suspects of course

  42. 42
    Cast-Iron Guarantee says:

    Putin forgets that Brown saved the world !

    And that his successor has made Britain a world leader in borrowing and printing money.

  43. 43
    Sir Bumley Foghorn MP (Much Ranting in the Shires) says:

    Whether Britain has the larger economy depends on whether you include the Swiss accounts of Putin and his cronies in the figures for the Russian economy.

  44. 44
    Not_gud_at_Math says:

    How many people speak Russian?
    Is the answer 6? (Putin and 5 others)

  45. 45
    Sir Bumley Foghorn MP (Much Ranting in the Shires) says:

    A very reasonable summary of the place – but for a rival try Gibralter.

  46. 46
    Prince Philip says:

    Bugger, those corgis keep nipping me.

  47. 47
    Dobbin says:

    At least Putin has got his own Arab Stallion, while Dave rides some old nag retired from the Plod.

  48. 48
    Gideon says:

    Due to code cracking etc by NAS and their minions GCHQ it will no longer safe to pass your tittle tackle to Geedes even if you encode it
    beware Big Brother is starting to flex his muscle, anyone that deviates from the norm will be put under observation, maybe a knock at the door at 4am.
    What I would like to know though if they were getting so good how is it that they cannot stop those Indian and American call centres from constantly calling me?

  49. 49
    Living in 97.222% white Merseyside says:

    They understandably choose London rather than Belize.

  50. 50
    Gideon says:

    But Dave has more than his pound of flesh by the looks of him

  51. 51
    Herman van Rumpboy says:

    EU largest donor

    I wonder how many Mercs and private jets that accounted for.

  52. 52
    Casual Observer says:

    Yes – the election is probably one not to start questioning too closely.

    Put!n may seem right at present. But then, Russ!a are very good at these games and seem to have positioned themselves with mainstream UK opinion. How is no mystery, but Dave may not fully understand this.

    Dave’s candid admission that the UK is a ‘small island’ is foolish.

    There was no need in his reply to deprecate the country he apparently represents. Especially at an international trade conference, where perceived size does matter.

  53. 53
    Calidius Eroticus says:

    Putin is more dictator than elected.

  54. 54
    Teddy Riner says:

    There’s only one way to resolve this dispute…


    Vladimir Putin (RUS)
    William Hague (GBR)

  55. 55
    Westerner says:

    “Men are Men in Russia.”

    And so are the women.

  56. 56
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    I don’t. Apart from noting that under Maoism. an unknown number of Chinese, estimated in the 100s of millions, suffered untimely deaths. The present regime cannot be described as Marxist, as it’s a peculiarly Chinese type of authoritarianism which has no parallel in Western politics. but we can consider North Korea if you want.

  57. 57
    Living in 97.222% white Merseyside says:

    I couldn’t help but notice that when all the leaders were being led to wherever they were being led to, Cristina was at the front merrily chatting to Mr Putin.

    Rubbing Dave’s face in it?

  58. 58
    Reilly, Ace of Spies says:

    Putin has a smaller penis and a smaller economy, hence the outbursts.

    A bit like Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov, who only had one ball.

  59. 59
    Casual Observer says:

    If the MSM did make up the statement, then Cameron’s response is even more retarded.

    If of course Cameron actually did say that.

  60. 60
    7th Cavalry, genocide squad says:

    Or worse, the American Indian call centres.


  61. 61
    Dmitri Duma says:

    Putin is so popular among the Russian electorate, that even the dead vote for him.

  62. 62
    Mike Hancock says:

    Au contraire mon fraire

  63. 63
    Living in 97.222% white Merseyside says:

    We are a small island if one excludes everywhere north of Watford Junction

  64. 64
    Gideon says:

    Unfortunately, because of the banking system, the government no longer has reason to print money because most financial transactions (by value) are conducted electronically, even commercial banks were trying to do away with physical money and even cheques. By monetary theory banks create money eg the customer A at one bank borrows £x who pays to customer B in another bank which either is put on deposit or used to reduce an overdraft, £x has been created from nothing.

  65. 65
    Eton Geography Master says:

    Y’ know, when I was teaching Dave years ago, I showed him a map of the globe with all the pink bits on it and said, it’s out of date, but they used to be all ours.
    I think he failed to understand what pink meant. Which explains his one man lefty marriage crusade.

  66. 66
    Point of Information 5 says:

    Dave’s body language is suggesting things are not going well:

  67. 67
    Fact inserter says:

    Great Britain is actually a large island – the ninth largest out of over 180,000 islands in the world.

  68. 68
    Observer says:

    Ladies first. But that makes you right, since she’s no lady.

  69. 69
    Gideon says:

    I wouldn’t like to live south of Watford Junction, would you Scouser ?

  70. 70
    Bill Bryson says:

    I own the copyright to this expression. I hope Putin realises I’ll be claiming royalties.

  71. 71
    I don't like this says:

    Why is the the EU attending the G20? It’s not a country.

  72. 72
    Gideon says:

    I thought that was Adolf Hitler still is that better than Goebbels, who had none at all

  73. 73
    Herne_the_Hunter says:

    The Cameroon looks like a council yob. As for Putin, he still looks a man of mystery who could kill a bear.

  74. 74
    Guy Verhofstadt says:

    Why are four EU sub-regions (UK region, Germany region, France region, Italy region) attending as well as the EU superstate as a whole?

  75. 75
    Casual Observer says:

    As a supranational entity it is a member.

    What is perhaps a better question is why the EU and G’ermany / UK / France are represented, but a question for those EU members who do not have direct representation.

    Another nail in the all are equal in EU line, and that the UK is able to negotiate its own deals independently of the EU.

    If the EU do consider UK to have left as reported yesterday, then perhaps any UK representation is irrelevant at G-20 as the EU will likely be working against us rather than with us.

  76. 76
    Hava Nagila says:

    “…our bigger economy”.

    What’s this “our”, paleface? You always claim to be Irish.

  77. 77
    Casual Observer says:

    So he gets the same sort of votes that Labour do ? :-)

  78. 78
    Iain Dunce Smith says:

    Some big boys did it and then they ran away.

  79. 79
    Hully Gully says:

    Sky’s Joey Jones reckons it was a BBC employee who heard a remark over a week ago and thought it worth repeating?

  80. 80
    Point of Information 5 says:

    Yes, he would be wasting his talents on Dave.

    Cui Bono for the ‘little island’ statement: Which news outlet broke that one ?

    And to think we may believe anything in the med!a on Syr!a, and take actions on that which would lead to deaths. Hmm…

  81. 81
    Maximus says:

    UK not a kleptocracy? Who knew?

  82. 82
    Gideon says:

    Ee lad, tha’s going back a long time now

  83. 83
    The BBC causes serious mental illness says:

    Sounds credible.

    Even if not true, any extra reason to slam the BBC at the moment is welcome :-D

  84. 84
    Maximus says:

    Sigh, cat, such a wonderful notion – that economic and financial hegemony could be replaced entirely by linguistic hegemony. Almost makes me nostalgic for when I was a fully-indoctrinated member of the liberal bourgeois ideology.

  85. 85
    Calidius Eroticus says:

    Is that a bear in the homoerotic sense? I only ask because Putin does have something of the YMCA about him, strutting around with his shirt off all the time.

  86. 86
    Anon says:

    How would you know? You only meet their daughters.

  87. 87
    Anonymous says:

    Dave wins.Putin is a B whilst our little lord is a DD.Notice they both like a good wax.

  88. 88
    Gideon says:

    Seriously, I get totally fed up of unsolicited phone calls and dearly like them stopped without going ex-directory the powers that be whine that they cannot stop them, they have no excuse now.

  89. 89
    Gideon says:

    Dave is a heavy weight and Putin is a middle weight

  90. 90
    Living in 97.222% white Merseyside says:

    Yes, but only if I could go back in time to the 1960’s.

    Swinging London with that nice Mr Wilson in charge.

  91. 91
    NIMBY opponents of fracking in England says:

    We, the NIMBY opponents of fracking in England, are hellbent on preventing the UK from developing its own shale gas industry.

    We are quite happy for the UK to become increasingly energy-insecure and dependent on Russian gas supplies.

    We love the anti-fracking reportage from the Russia Today (RT) channel:

  92. 92
    QT says:

    I make Cam more red than Putin

  93. 93
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron is a fat jelly bellied lying cnut.
    Putin is a cnut.

    Notwithstanding – Putin would beat the living daylights out of Cameron in a fight, and Cameron knows that.

  94. 94
    Gideon says:

    How do you know that, did you go to one of those parties when he was in the KGB, you the type of parties that Profumo went to?

  95. 95
    Anonymous says:

    You sound like a Lynton Crosby paid black ops troll.

  96. 96
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron does not care his own country is being colonised by foreigners.

    In fact the Conservatives and Cameron actively promote the colonisation of the UK, see his recent comments in India about making visas even easier to get on the same day….

    They have merely picked up Labours “rubbing their noses in diversity” policy and are seeing it through.

    Syria, Libya, Iraq, Afghanistan et all, are all useful diversions and give illegal immigrants fantastic grounds on which to claim asylum in this country because of civil war in their own country (sponsored by the UK).

    Cameron is a lying war mongering traitor who cares not about his own people and own country – he has to go before he does any more damage to this country.

  97. 97
    Passerby says:

    Russia’s GDP is way bigger than Britain’s on a purchasing power basis – see World Bank data for 2012. Russia fifth, Britain ninth. The undervaluation of the rouble (lack of foreign investment?) obscures this. You must have missed all the Russian boasting when they passed Germany on this list.

  98. 98
    Lord Mouth of the Humber says:

    I take it that you have never been to Hull then?

  99. 99
    Anonymous says:

    They will gladly tell you they are not from this country you fool.

    The blokes in the carwash from Afghanistan are not in the UK on highly skilled visas are they ?

    The Govt announces it is scrapping the census.

    The Govt announces the Border Force is scrapping the finger printing of illegal immigrants.

    The Govt announces further cuts in the Border Force budget and staff numbers.

    These are not the policies of a government that wants to stop illegal immigration or legal immigration.

    Judge on what they do, not what they say.

    This country is overrun by illegal immigrants and legal immigrants.

    The consequences, massively rising benifits bills, housing benefit cost rising, councils spending £10’s of millions on temporary bed and breakfast accomodation, council waiting lists of 10 years unless youve got 4 kids and a bad back, and primary schools with no places.

    We have to leave the EU and the ECHR to regain control of our borders.

  100. 100
    Anonymous says:

    Africa growing rapidly – More than half of global population growth between now and 2050 is expected to occur in Africa. According to the UN’s medium-variant projection, the population of Africa could more than double by mid-century, increasing from 1.1 billion today to 2.4 billion in 2050, and potentially reaching 4.2 billion by 2100.

  101. 101
    Anonymous says:

    Most of the population growth will occur in developing regions, which are projected to increase from 5.9 billion in 2013 to 8.2 billion in 2050.

    During the same period, the population of developed regions will remain largely unchanged at around 1.3 billion people.

    Growth is expected to be most rapid in the 49 least developed countries, which are projected to double in size from around 900 million inhabitants in 2013 to 1.8 billion in 2050.

  102. 102
    Anonymous says:

    UN press release – June 2013 – Population Growth

  103. 103
    The Major says:

    No! I won’t have that! There’s a place in Eastbourne…

  104. 104
    Anonymous says:

    Casual Observer

    Much of what you say makes sense.

    Camerons actions, mistakes and weak positioning can be better understood and explained if we start from the premis that Cameron does not care about the UK or its residents.

    Cameron, just like Blair before him, cares only for himself, his wage earning potential post Government, and his left leaning socialist agenda.

    If we start from here, his comments all make perfect sense.

  105. 105
    The Grim Reaper says:

    The Parliamentary vote against military action in Syria symbolised the realisation that Britain is a second rank power, with huge talent & courage…..but no longer an Empire, no longer America’s poodle, no longer kidding ourselves that we are any more important than say, Canada or Sweden. Or the worlds judge, jury & policemen. We need to face this & focus on our own interests & not that of a tricksy USA using us as political cover. The MSM have get to get this.

    British PMs have got to understand this & the one that finally grasps our changed role with cease entering into foolhardy international conflicts, which rarely end well and put all focus into our future.

    But equally, Tsar Putin (former KGB chief) is kidding himself too. With the collapse of the Soviet Empire in the 1990s, Russia is a minor power – both militarily & economically….it is also a second rank nation with huge internal problems – from corruption to Chechyna.

    The USA & China are the only world Superpowers and they will continue to use the rest of us as chess pieces, as long as we allow it,

  106. 106
    Anonymous says:

    And the Lib Dems are a fan of vote gerrymandering as well…..

    In the Eastleigh result, the Lib Dems won with only 1,771 votes and UKIP gained 27.8% of the Vote from a standing start.

    Interestingly, 14,200 postal votes were issued with 73% being retuned, with a large % of them Lib Dem.

    Had dodgy postal voting not been allowed the results could have been very different for the Lib Dems.

    Mike Thornton (LD) 13,342 (32.06%, -14.48%)
    Diane James (UKIP) 11,571 (27.80%, +24.20%)
    Maria Hutchings (C) 10,559 (25.37%, -13.96%)
    John O’Farrell (Lab) 4,088 (9.82%, +0.22%)

  107. 107
    A Motor Vehicle Operative from way back when... says:

    Yeah, I had a Sunbeam Stiletto in the 1960s. Lovely little motor it was too.

  108. 108
    Col Bowgee says:

    You really must be either very young or have led an extremely sheltered life if that is what you think!

  109. 109
    I'm in the room next to Sandra says:

    Great! Then we can stop our subs with effect from this evening! What’s not to like?

  110. 110
    Take your medicine Vlad! says:

    Wee Northern Ireland gave the Russians a hammering, never mind the rest of the UK

  111. 111
    Simon B says:

    How dare you smear the name of Great Britain in the way you did. We are infinitely more important than Canada or Sweden. Because of our history of bringing democracy and civilisation to the world, we still punch above our weight and could probably destroy almost every nation’s army if we wanted to. You sound like a commie traitor who has no interest in patriotism or praising Our Queen. 300 years ago, you would’ve been hanged for the words you just wrote. I expect you feel shame for calling our great nation a second rank power. You probably vote ZaNuLieBore, as well. Filthy traitor.

  112. 112

    Clogs to clogs in three generations, we’ll buy Chelsea back from the oligarch’s grandchildren at fire sale prices.

  113. 113

    With a population two and a half times Britain’s. Take away the oil & gas and what is left?

  114. 114
    Britain is not a US protectorate. says:

    The oligarchs will be off to NewYork or T-el A”viv the moment the tax authorities in the UK stop being door mats and start some actual work investigating these cr=oks.

  115. 115
    Oh goodie, another closet patriot says:

    If DC is going to release a musical version of his speech, i hope it’s in Goodies style, with Tim Brooke-Taylor reading the words.

  116. 116
    The Wild Colonial Boy says:

    Harold Wilson had two big problems. His face.

  117. 117
    Bonar Law says:

    No, Guido, NOT Putin’s “spokesperson”. His SPOKESMAN – the grammatically correct generic term. You’re getting as politically correct as the Labour Party!

  118. 118
    The Quiet Man says:

    Did you forget the sarc button, or are you genuinely deluded ?

  119. 119
    The Quiet Man says:

    Should the UK ever comply with your Blimpish dreams, it will like Switzerland, and Norway, pay a BIG premium to continue enjoying the benefits of Free Movement, and Free Trade. Ergo, your foreigner fear will never be comforted. Its a bugger living in the modern world aint it :)

  120. 120
    The Quiet Man says:

    You must be thinking of that Ollie Reed v Alan Bates match ? Back when Glenda was Top Totty :)

  121. 121
    Not Ian Hislop says:

    Is Guido using a I Stock Photo image without paying for it?
    Theft? And they complain about Private Eye …

  122. 122
    Gerry Mandering. says:

    “au contraire mon frère”

    Je suis pédant

  123. 123
    Simon B says:

    The very fact that you think I’m being sarcastic proves the communist thought-process has infected our nation very deeply indeed.

  124. 124
    Georgie Osborne says:

    They’ve both got bitchtits. Putin looks like the sad northerner you find reading the racing post in a worn out boozer and Cam looks like an overfed accountant from Buckinghamshire.

  125. 125
    Ed Milibandovich says:

    Fwacking willth never take away my masterth stwangle hold over you.

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Alan Milburn says Labour’s scaremongering campaign for an unreformed NHS will not win election…

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