August 23rd, 2013

Dark Handy-Cock Sex Claims Made Public

Private Eye have self-confessed teen fondler’s Mike Hancock’s defence for his ongoing sexual harassment investigation. Apparently he considers the alleged victim allowing him into her home to amount to consent:

“In order for Hancock to have access to [her] home she would have had to have let him in. In other words, she clearly consented to any actions about which she now makes complaint.”

Good luck with that one. The full allegation is pretty dark:

“It is not a trivial complaint that Hancock attempted to force his tongue into her mouth, that he tried to part her legs with his foot or that he exposed his penis and invited her to masturbate him. Nor is it a trivial complaint that Mr Hancock used his position and status as both an MP and councillor to target, groom and exploit for his own purposes a vulnerable woman.”

Quite…

See, not that hard to give a credit.

139 Comments

  1. 1
    Limp Dim says:

    2015 Lib Dem candidate loses his deposit.

    • 93
      I opened the door in my pajamas ( a funny place for a door) says:

      I now understand why those incidents occurred when the Electricity meter man called and I let him in.

      • 103
        Mike Handycock says:

        The incident in question, was all a terrible misunderstanding.

        When I said ‘let me in’ I meant ‘don’t let me in under any circumstances’.
        I now know, this was an error and that my attempts to relieve the incredible stress I was under, may have been misinterpreted.

    • 109
      Bent British Establishment says:

      How did this liability get anywhere near the levers of power?

      Why, it’s almost like these degenerates are allowed to rise to the top because of their blackmail-ability.

      Question is, who are controlling them, domestic forces or foreign forces?

    • 120
      Anonymous says:

      Make way for UKIPs first MP

      • 125
        On da sq. says:

        Not if the postal vote rigging racketeers have anything to do with it, while the rest of the political/media class turn a blind eye.

        • 136
          MLK says:

          No one will stop the muzzies from fiddling the postal vote,otherwise they will lose one man one vote as many times as you like, because who with a brain cell vote them in .

    • 121
      Anonymous says:

      He was only canvasing

    • 131
      Lord Rennard says:

      This is what ‘Annie’ should have done to Handy.

      • 132
        • 133
          pedro says:

          The girl says he needs to be honest and tell the truth.
          Where the fcuk would you ever find an honest liberal, and one that is an MP, makes it impossible.
          He looks like a white muslim convert, but then what liberal isn’t.

  2. 2
    Nick Clegg says:

    I am the law. I am Deputy Prime Minister and Handycock is innocent.

  3. 3
    Selohesra says:

    I let chap in to read electric meter – didnt mean i wad going to touch his todger

  4. 4
    Mark Wouters. says:

    Hello,
    Mr.John Keith Roome set up Carroline Kennedy for the Japan Embassador post and had obama get another dog .

  5. 5
    Anon says:

    The man obviously lives in dark ages… Consented… Yeah right…

  6. 6
    Paniagua v5 says:

    He really should spend more time grooming his facial hair than his constituents.

  7. 7
    Colin says:

    Well done Guido. You and Private Eye can live side by side. This blog is always excellent, but unless it is in a handy reading format and contains actual expose articles and jokes and satire, like the Eye, then don’t try and knock it. It looks and feels desperate.

    • 25
      Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

      ‘looks and feels desperate’

      That’s an apt description of every LibDem politician in the Country.

      • 40
        broderick crawford says:

        well certainly in the case if boaz he needs to ” feel ” because he is indeed … desperate .

  8. 8
    Anonymous says:

    Yeap, that’s pretty damned dark.

  9. 9
    Mike Hancock says:

    When the shop girl bent down to pick up a tin of beans it was an obvious invitation for me to get my penis out.

  10. 10
    Gorgeous George says:

    I blame Isràel.

  11. 11
    Pervs R Us says:

    And the LibDems are still defending what he did?

    Bloody hell they really are the Pervert Party

    • 35
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

      My defence as I already told the Sunday Times is that I take an holistic approach to dealing with my constituents problems, particularly female ones who obviously have a hole. I cannot see what all the fuss is about, nor can my fellow Liberal Democrats; I have been getting my cock out in front of female constituents since I became a politician 46 years ago, in fact that is why I went into politics in the first place, and no one has complained before. Ridiculous. Boaz.

    • 46
      broderick crawford says:

      … as opposed to the conservatives who have morphed from the ” Nastie ” party into the ‘ Pastie ” party

  12. 12
    So far today, Dave has squandered £32,633,834.35 on our EU membership. says:

    The staff in my local Waitrose let me in this morning, so they consented to me doing whatever I wanted with the very very very tasty young lady who works behind the bakery counter? Bloody hell, I had no idea! Well, it’s going to be a different shopping experience from tomorrow onwards, I can tell you!

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    See for me the incredulous part about stories like this is how the hell don’t these people get and/or see the signals that this kind of behaviour is not welcome. I’ve just never got my head round how some refuse to stop even when obviously on a hiding to nowhere. #baffled

    • 16
      Mike Handycock says:

      You try living as an elite and see how hard it is.

      • 19
        Anonymous says:

        I guess so. But waving your Wang at unsuspecting females whether your elite or not is really going to do you no good at all.

        • 29
          Mike Handycock says:

          OK understand. How about just feeling how hard it is then?

        • 129
          NE Frontiersman says:

          @19: It’s done him absolutely no harm at all for years, apparently. That’s the interesting question.

  14. 14
    Corgi registered gas fitter says:

    Game on!

    • 48
      broderick crawford says:

      CORGI REGISTERED REGAL CANINE SAYS

      stay away from me … i am a straight dog and royalty .

      i ll have you keel hauled if you come near me with one of thise doggy dildoes .

  15. 15
    Mike Handycock says:

    I loved that woman I really did and this is how she treats me.

    I loved her that much I even went down to the local Marks & Spencers and splashed out on a lovely basque for her. I got thrown out and billed for the dry cleaning but it was worth it.

    Boaz

  16. 18
    Liberal Letch says:

    So if a woman lets an MP into her house she is consenting to have his tongue rammed downed her throat, to be shown his willy and to Jack him Off?

    A good job the LibDem party does not agree and have withdrawn his whip then.

    • 34
      Casual Observer says:

      Well there was Lord Rennard’s casting couch.

      The difference here is that the MP tried to rape a constituent, rather than a party member who wanted to move ahead in the ranks.

    • 53
      broderick crawford says:

      did he have a whip too??

      what use did he make of that ??

      ( or perhaps you mean that he was smart as a whip –NOT !)

    • 78
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

      The LibDem whip was not withdrawn, I resigned the whip myself. Boaz.

  17. 20
    On the square says:

    Time to cut the apron strings on this one. ~Boaz

    • 32
      Owen says:

      I’m bored with our tree house gang. How do I join yours please?. I’d really like to build, consolidate and construct further success. Right On, fellow.

      • 36
        Owen Jones' Mum says:

        Owen ! Leave the nice mason’s alone.

        Your bedroom needs cleaning again young man.

        • 56
          broderick crawford says:

          REBELLIOUS OWEN SAYS

          i m not doing anything you say nymore mum

          not since those allegations yesterday that i am th illegitimate progeny of herman noone in his heyday .

          really .. you ! … a groupie !!!

        • 57
          Owen says:

          Sssh Mummy, I’m going undercover to do a BBC report.

    • 43
      Perry Mason says:

      Tubal Cain

      • 55
        Hiram Abif says:

        Mike Handycock is truly the widow’s son. Jahbulon.

        • 58
          Grand Master, Grand Lodge, Great Queen Street says:

          Let us await the verdict on the Council investigation from my place mate Lawyer and you will see that Mike Handycock is truly innocent of all charges. Boaz.

          • Head of the Criminal Prosecution Service, Chief Constable Hampshire Constabulary says:

            Well said Grand Master. We already previously found that Mr Handycock had no case to answer. Boaz.

          • Anonymous says:

            So mote it be

          • Handycock Pervissimus says:

            Thanks Grand Master. Boaz.

          • rimmyarse says:

            Handycock IS a freemason. He was initiated in 1975 – I think it was Royal Connaught Lodge in Guildhall Walk, Portsmouth – when he was a Labour councillor

    • 83
      Provincial Grand Master says:

      Brother Handycock didn’t expose himself. He was purely showing off his fraternal collateral as would befit any perfect and regular brother.

      Jachin

  18. 21
    Gordon Brown says:

    Well well well I never knew.

    Anyone got Gillian Duffy’s phone number?

    • 26
      So far today, Dave has squandered £32,915,861.24 on our EU membership. says:

      You’ve already shafted her – and everyone else in the country – Gordon.

  19. 22
    Rickytshirt says:

    Shirley that’s a typo. It can’t be the defence, it must be the prosecution in a highly sarcastic mood?

  20. 24
    Mark Wouters says:

    Hello,
    Caroline kennedy should refuse the japan Ambassadors job in Japan as Japan i seriously contaminated with Toxic nuclear radioactivity ,she should Run for usa president nomination.

    • 31
      Te lefts idea of hero's are not the same as everyone else says:

      The Kennedy clan are basically scum.

  21. 27
    Change That Works For You says:

    Could have been worse. At least he didn’t call to discuss LibDem policy.

  22. 28
    Vicars wife says:

    I was going to invite him round for tea and scones,god knows what he would have made of that.

  23. 33
    Paniagua v5 says:

    Being a lib dem did he enter via the back door?

  24. 39
    Wot B D 4 B 4 4 ? says:
    • 44
      Mike Hancock says:

      Trust me.I’m a part time gynaecologist.

    • 47
      So far today, Dave has squandered £33,531,297.56 on our EU membership. says:

      Is it the one in the foreground? It actually appears to be straddling two bays.

      And, why, it’s a gas-guzzling Chelsea Tractor! This from the party that wants to ban us from driving petrol/diesel cars.

    • 63
      Handycock (Cock Exposer) says:

      Riding around in my Range Rover Evoque
      Looking for young girls to pick up and poke.
      Boaz.

    • 66
      Anonymous says:

      What a c.u.n.t.

    • 69
      Gaz Guzz Ler says:

      There was me thinking that the LibDems wanted to get hydrocarbon cars off the road and in the meantime they were riding pushbikes.

    • 106
      Cornish Pilchard says:

      How does he run that on an MPs salary?

      Wait …..let me guess …….

      • 126
        Handy's Boys says:

        The same way he got his villa in Spain and the huge political donations – from us. Boaz.

        • 128
          Portsmouth City Council is the most corrupt Council in the UK if not the world says:

          Robert Mugabe and Goodluck Johnathan. Can’t wait to see how you are going to get out of this one Handy, but we know you will. You remain our inspiration and hero. Boaz.

  25. 42
    Perry Mason says:

    Tubal Cain

  26. 45
    RomaBob... says:

    No defence, even a prostitute can change her mind and say no…… he is doomed !!

    • 76
      Punter says:

      TBH I’ve never known that happen. OTOH I I don’t look anything like that ugly fucker Handycock.

  27. 49
    Rotorhead says:

    Quick cancel Hancocks invitation to the annual Rotary club dinner.

  28. 59
    Nick Clegg says:

    I’m so, so sorry

  29. 60
    Whiteman says:

    ‘Handcock’ is clearly a ‘Wanker’.
    No different really to all the other useless Politicians.

  30. 61
    Sally at the seaside says:

    What a defence! I would imagine the court will be packed to hear him in the dock defend that.
    Unbelievable that his brief can even consider proposing it as a defence.It confirms to me how deluded he now is.

    • 81
      Grand Master, Grand Lodge, Great Queen Street says:

      From that statement,you have no idea how the elite in this country really works. Boaz.

  31. 65
    M wouters says:

    hello,
    QE 11 had JFK murdered

    • 70
      Te lefts idea of hero's are not the same as everyone else says:

      The least they could do after JFK got America embroiled in that Vietnam clusterfuck.

  32. 68
    When Love turns sour says:

    Not so precious now.

  33. 71
    Simon Cowell says:

    Well at least he’s still got a beard.

    • 77
      broderick crawford says:

      PAXO SAYS

      Oi !!

      Watch it Cowell . Think I can’t take you down in a fair fight ??

  34. 80
    Sir William Waid says:

    Styles, our Bluefaced Leicester ram, sports a more engaging way with the ladies than Mr Hancock allegedly has.

  35. 82
    Mike Hancock MP says:

    If I am banged up for this I will not be able to play Father Christmas for the impoverished little kids of Portsmouth ever again.

    Will no-one think of the poor children? Boaz.

  36. 85
    Handycock says:

    It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

  37. 86
    Dave you tool,get rid of that wee man says:

    Has William Hague any credibility left to lose?
    His stance on the ‘alleged’ Syrian gas attacks is positively farcical and continues to make the UK look daft.
    He needs replaced by John Baron.

    • 89
      Impartial Observer says:

      Liberal Democrat Headquarters have been really busy this afternoon posting on this story with posts that have nothing to do with it.

      • 91
        So far today, Dave has squandered £34,993,531.20 on our EU membership. says:

        Well, I’m not a LimpDum, but here’s an unrelated story; THERE IS A GOD!

        “(Reuters) – Microsoft Corp said on Friday that Chief Executive Officer Steve Ballmer would retire within the next 12 months, once it has selected a successor, sending its shares up almost 9 percent.”

        Thank you, Jesus.

    • 90
      William Hague says:

      Look, you know full well that there is stuff-all we can do about Syria except pull the right faces. Both sides are as bad as each other, Syria is not rich in oil, and the Russkis won’t let us do anything anyway. What do you expect me to fo?

      • 92
        T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

        I am the Middle East Peace Envoy – stand back and let me do my stuff.

        • 96
          Dreams, dreams, dreams says:

          Stand in the way of that missile Tony, a little to the right, yes, just there.

        • 97
          Armi Gedon says:

          Go for it Tone.

          • Everyone Else says:

            Just GO.

          • wise old owl says:

            Not so long ago the West was at war in Iraq because of unproved claims about the regime’s weapons.It was a load of bollocks.Our brave soldiers died.
            Exactly the same thing is happening again. Harrowing pictures of dead children broadcast around the world with claims that Assad is responsible. Where’s the proof?
            Only a few months ago Al Queda was found to have chemical weapons.They would stop at nothing to seize control of a country like
            Syria, including gassing innocent women and children.

    • 138
      El Cleggo says:

      Willy Vague wants putting down the pompous little twat.

  38. 98
    NHS death camp says:

    why are UKIP not making sure he is locked up and winning the bye election?

  39. 101
    Katia says:

    Hancock by name. Handcock by nature.

  40. 102
    The Masons Arms says:

    So why did the police drop the prosecution?

  41. 104
    Cornish Pilchard says:

    If the Lib Dems come canvassing at your door don’t open it for Gods Sake. You are implicitly consenting to sex with the canvasser. Lock up your wives and daughters (or should that be sons and daughters). There’s a Lib Dem living near you

  42. 107
    SingalongaDave says:

    ♫ ♫

    You walk like you’ve just pulled a cheap trick,
    You take chances – you’d better beware;
    Your backdoors are all made by Ballmer
    And there’s traces of dope in your lair, I know there are.

    You live in a shady apartment
    At Marx’ place close to St. Michel
    Where you keep your unshredded records
    And those texts that you just can’t dispel, yes you do.

    You’ve joined an embarrassing party –
    Can’t stand LibDems for more than a week –
    but the young men who move in my circle
    Swallow every word, so to speak, yes they do.

    But where do you surf to, old LibDem ?
    You’re never too far from your stash;
    Pray tell me or I’ll just impound it,
    I want to look inside your cache, yes I do.
    [drones on … and on … ad nauseam]

    .¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

  43. 108
    Sue Doughty says:

    So letting the Transco man into my home is tantamount to consent to sex? He thought so, I didn’t, but apparently he still works at Transco. Now way does letting a man in constitute consent or vice verse!

  44. 110
    hampshire hound says:

    I think he is probably innocent. This may have been part of a council neighbourhood watch
    Scheme in which he was showing her how to manage a situation in which a pervert comes into your house.!
    I think this will all become clear in court after the presentation by the councils health and safety.
    Officer.

  45. 111
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    I never knew he got his todger out in the presence of this woman.

    if it was not for Guido I would be in blissful ignorance.

  46. 119

    Tut tut mp pay must be too high

  47. 123
    Mary Whitehouse says:

    Why is this twat still an MP so much for call me Dave saying he will make it easy for us to get these MPs out of office . This country is run by a spineless morons whom ever you vote for . Send him to the tower

    • 127
      HM The Queen and HRH The Duke of Edinburgh says:

      We could not agree more. This man is a total disgrace and an embarrassment to Portsmouth, Parliament, the Liberal Democrats, the Freemasons and the Country (to plagiarise the Sunday Times). We are not at all amused, something must be done about this Pervert, he should be locked up and the key thrown away.

  48. 124
    John says:

    It would be very interesting to hear Hancock debate what does and doesn’t constitute rape with Nick Clegg…

  49. 134
    Anonymous says:

    I seem to remember someone having a go at Lily Allen for pre-judging someone. I heard something about causing a mistrial


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