August 22nd, 2013

Festivals Drug Free As Nation’s Youth Take Labour MP’s Advice

Or not. Shadow Home Office minister Diana Johnson is in full mum mode this morning, warning young revellers:

“Enjoy the music, but don’t play roulette with your health. My message is simple: if you’re going to a music festival enjoy the music and hope for some sun, but don’t risk your life with a pill.”

Clearly Diana doesn’t want anyone to experience anything more exciting than Tom Watson’s “fragmentary moments of pure music joy in a field in Glastonbury falling in love with a bloke barely in his twenties playing the guitar like a mid-west cyclone”. Wonder what she thinks about votes for 16-year-olds…


  1. 1
    Len McClusterfuck says:

    We’re down with the kids, I’m a big Fresh Prince of Bel Air fan you know

  2. 2
    mine's a pint says:

    My 16 year-old is en route to Reading.
    He’d say Fuck Off Granny.

  3. 3
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Labour will be warning 16 year olds about sexting.

  4. 4
    Piss house poet says:

    It wasn’t the Hun who done for the Brits,
    It was the nanny state and her smothering tits.

  5. 5
    Acieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed! says:

  6. 6
    Dianne Fatbott says:

    Go eeeeasy on the pies too..burp!!

  7. 7
    Not nick-nicked says:

    Now that plod say he won’t face any further action, we can all go back to hating Jim Davidson just for being a crap comic.

  8. 8
    Bad advice Geedo says:

    You are wrong Guido. Taking pills is just stupid. Besides the obvious risks of scrambling your brain and storing up health problems there is a very good chance that the pills may contain other impurities.

    Stick to beer or if you must then home grown cannabis.

  9. 9
    Labour we are not the band we are the bandwagon says:

    Don’t be like us kids, we are hypocritical, racist, money wasters, liars, murderers and very loud mouthed.

  10. 10
    Chukka Umunna says:

    Are you Toking the piss Guido?

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    Nor do I. Life is quite exiting enough for me.

    Adrenaline is all that I need. Try living a life, not taking time off from it.

  12. 12
    Aaron D Highside says:

    On the subject of advice from MPs: is it cheaper to rent a disgraced MP than one who hasn’t been caught yet?

  13. 13
    Diane Abbotapotumus says:

    Sugar pills are the worst.

  14. 14
    Diana Johnson says:

    Also avoid middle age lefties wearing round glasses and corduroy trousers offering to expand your mind.
    The only thing they want to expand is your vagina.

  15. 15
    Idon'tneed nodoctor says:

    Now a pie fight between Abbott and Watson, wearing thongs, would be a sight to behold.

  16. 16
    Diane Fatbott says:

    Oi !!

  17. 17
    The Fat Controller says:

    No, and no.

  18. 18
    Dontcha just love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning says:

    And please just remind me who it was who used to promote drug fuelled illegal raves up and down the country in his early adult years?

  19. 19
    a politician says:

    its just MILF and apple pie

  20. 20
    Diane Abbott says:

  21. 21
    a politician says:

    have you considered an adult literacy course

  22. 22
    Chris Bryant says:

    Can I shag the winner?

  23. 23
    Mrs Brown says:

    As a youth my son Gordon went to a party and got drunk on house bricks.
    Be warned.

  24. 24
    Living in 97.223% white Merseyside says:

    Our Mathew Street Festival (now renamed Liverpool International Music Festival) over the Bank Holiday weekend usually brings 100,000’s in. Usually a great day out and I remember one year when there was only one arrest during the day.

    Pity it’s overshadowed by Notting Hill and Manchester Pride. I suppose it’s ignored by the media because the attendees are hideously white.

  25. 25
    genghiz the kahn says:

    yeo single mutha

  26. 26
    Bruce says:

    Fer fucksake.

    It’s bad enough you bastards doin us in the Cricket without yer sendin yer fuckin useless MP drongos over to eat pies on behalf of our creepy little poofter of a PM.

    Doancha ave any creepy little poofter pollies at your place ferrim to advise?

  27. 27
    Adam Smith says:

    The law of supply and demand would indicate that it is likely to be so.

  28. 28
    WobblyJim says:

    She’s correctly warning against PILLS and quite right too.

    She’s said nowt about a bit of puff !

    Go for it revellers.

  29. 29
    Anonymous says:

    Does he make any commend on the rights or wrongs of drugs in the article?


  30. 30
    Anonymous says:

    Oops, comment even.

  31. 31
    Wonga says:

    What a bigot!!

  32. 32
    Wonga says:

    Can’t believe people ever took drugs to this rubbish!

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